


Beyond Time

by Tkegl



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2012-06-12
Packaged: 2017-11-07 08:08:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 274,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tkegl/pseuds/Tkegl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Cullens leave Forks, a twist of fate lands Bella in Chicago in 1918. She thinks it's a second chance to build a life with Edward, but when she finds him, he's not quite what she expected. Can Bella create the future she's hoping for?</p><p>Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of Warm Skin and Wishful Thinking

" _ **For those of us who believe in physics, this separation between past, present and future is only an illusion, however tenacious."**_

_**-Albert Einstein** _

**Prologue – Of Warm Skin and Wishful Thinking**

I'd never really understood the phrase "my heart caught in my throat" until that moment.

For there he was.

And he looked exactly the same.

And he looked completely different.

I stood at the gate, my trembling hand resting on the painted wood, and took in the sight of him. His hair was the reddish-brown I remembered, but instead of wildly exploding around his head, he had tamed it with some sort of gel or pomade. Still, a few rebellious locks escaped, falling over his sweaty forehead as he worked.

He had removed his jacket and tie – I could see them tossed over the porch railing – and rolled up the sleeves of his crisp, white shirt. The corded muscles of his forearms tightened and released as he worked the shovel into the garden soil. My eyes wandered down his body, capturing flashes of images in the midst of my shock – the crisp pleats on the front of his trousers, the smudge of dirt above his knee, the scuffed brown shoe pushing forcefully on the blade of the shovel.

He paused, lifting a gloved hand to his forehead, wiping away the sweat on his brow, frowning at the stubborn stump before him. Suddenly he stiffened, as if realizing he was being watched.

And he turned in my direction.

And I gasped.

I had always loved his eyes – whether they were black with thirst or amber with satiation. But these eyes were neither of those things.

I knew they wouldn't be, that this wasn't the Edward I knew.

Yet it still surprised me to see it in person. To see, instead of topaz or amber or black, a rich, dark green.

Carlisle had told me they'd been green.

Right now they regarded me warily, then curiously.

Still he said nothing. He just stood there, watching me. His gaze dipped down briefly before meeting mine once again. He colored slightly, a sheepish smile lighting his features.

Damn. He was checking me out.

I tried to draw a breath, but the tightness in my chest made it impossible.

I couldn't even blame the damned corset this time.

He stood, loosely holding the shovel, and watched as I lifted the gate latch with a shaking hand, then slowly approached him. I drank him in thirstily, having been deprived of him for so long. With each step the hole in my heart constricted a little more and by the time I stood before him, it was like it never existed.

Edward.

Without even realizing it, I reached out and his eyes widened in surprise. I hesitated only briefly before stroking my trembling fingers down his cheek.

His skin was not pale… not cold… not hard.

It was soft… and warm. Clean-shaven, yet his beard had started to grow back, tickling my fingers. My fingers trailed down his face to his full, pink lips.

I could feel his warm breath on my fingertips and my body burst into flames, as it always did when I was near him. Even after all this time, it remembered. Even though he was different, it remembered.

"Edward," I whispered.

He replied quietly, "I'm sorry," and my fingers tingled at the vibration of his mouth. Because although his voice missed the musical quality I'd come to know so well, the velvet tones still wrapped around his words in a familiar way.

His eyes locked on mine and my heart stopped again, my hand dropping to my side and a tear trickling down my cheeks at the next words to escape his lips.

"Do I know you?"


	2. Of Rituals and Really Big Dicks

  


 

_**"In any weather, at any hour of the day or night, I have been anxious to improve the nick of time, and notch it on my stick too; to stand on the meeting of two eternities, the past and the future, which is precisely the present moment; to toe that line."** _

_**\- Henry David Thoreau** _

**Chapter 1 – Of Rituals and Really Big Dicks**

_One week earlier/92 years later_

"C'mon, Bells, it'll be fun!" Jake pleaded, grasping my hand and holding it close to his massive chest.

"I don't know, Jake. You know I'm not really into that woo-woo stuff," I all-but-whined, "and I have a ton of homework to do."

"It's Friday night," he argued. "You have all weekend for homework. Please Bella," he begged, "don't make me go alone."

Jake wasn't playing fair. He knew I couldn't say no to him when he really wanted something. I owed him too much.

It had been six months since the Cullens left… since _he_ left, saying he didn't love me anymore.

I'm not an idiot. I knew he was lying. He does… did… love me and left because of some twisted obligation to protect me.

It broke my heart.

It pissed me off.

And it didn't really matter. Why he left didn't matter, because he was gone – they all were. I didn't know where they were. I couldn't find them if I wanted to.

And I wanted to… a lot.

But I wouldn't know where to begin. They could go anywhere… and over the decades they'd learned to blend in. If they didn't want to be found, I knew they wouldn't be.

So I stayed in Forks, pissed off and broken by _his_ betrayal. For better or worse, that was how I saw it.

 _He_ unilaterally decided to take himself out of my life for my own good. _He_ took away what I loved most. _He_ tore the heart from my chest, leaving behind only emptiness and devastation.

It would have been so easy to give into the pain – to fall into the pit of darkness and let it swallow me up.

But it was anger that kept me going. Anger that enabled me to lock those broken pieces inside the hardened shell of the person I'd become.

Jake called me the new and improved badass Bella. He said it with a note of pride in his voice, but also a hint of sadness in his eyes that told me at least part of him missed the soft, sweet Bella I used to be.

Sometimes, I missed her too.

But she was gone.

It was the only way I could survive.

I kept a tight rein on my emotions, keeping them hidden under a shroud of cynicism and indifference. Still, there were times I felt like at any moment I'd break apart again, the pieces blowing away like so much ash in the wind.

It was Jacob Black who picked up the pieces. Who helped fill… or at least patch… the hole left in my heart when _he_ left me. Jake gave me a way to fill my days… he taught me to smile again.

He loved me.

I knew this, and even though I couldn't love him back, I took his love and held it selfishly close to me.

Some days it was all that kept me from collapsing to the ground and giving into tears and screams and sobs and darkness.

So when Jake asked me for something, I was hard-pressed to deny him.

"I wouldn't have to do anything, right?" I asked, knowing I would give in.

He knew it too, and his smile brightened.

"No, of course not," he assured me. "We'll just sit back and watch, I promise."

He didn't even give me a chance to agree, just pulled me down the beach and toward his house, my smaller hand clutched in his huge one.

"It doesn't start until dark," he said, "so let's get something to eat first. I'm starving!"

We walked toward his little red house, and I asked Jake to explain tonight's ritual to me one more time.

"It's really quite an honor to be invited," he began, slowing his long strides to match mine as we walked down the gravel street. "John Sally is the oldest shaman on the Pacific Coast, and representatives from tribes from Canada to Northern California consult with him."

"What exactly is it he's going to do?" I asked tentatively.

"You've heard of a vision quest?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, I think so," I replied. "I saw one in a movie once. It's like a rite of passage or something, right?"

"Yeah," Jake nodded. "Well a Spirit Walk is kind of like that. When a guy turns fifteen, he goes through the ritual. It's supposed to put him in touch with his spirit guide… show him his path, his destiny."

I was skeptical. Now, it's not that I didn't believe in the supernatural. After all, I'd hung out with a houseful of vampires… and my best friend was a werewolf.

Oh, didn't I mention that?

Yeah. Jake was part of a pack of werewolves dedicated to protecting the Quileute tribe from what they called, 'The Cold Ones'… in other words, vampires.

Of course, the vampires were gone, but the damage had already been done. The mere presence of the Cullens triggered a genetic change in the teenage male population, causing them to transform into giant wolves.

I know, right?

So of all people, I should be very open-minded about something as tame as a Spirit Walk. But just because the supernatural world had been thrust upon me didn't mean I eagerly jumped into every mystical opportunity.

I mean, I didn't wear crystals or dance naked under the full moon or anything.

Even though I'm pretty sure Jake would encourage that.

Jake continued to explain the Spirit Walk ritual… that each boy would choose a natural totem of sorts to focus their spiritual power – like a special rock or branch from a tree. It had to be something from nature that was special to them in some way.

It sounded kind of weird to me, but who was I to judge?

Then the shaman would lead the meditation ritual.

At this point Jake hesitated.

"What?" I asked. I had only been half-listening, but his evident discomfort sparked my curiosity.

We had arrived at his house and stood facing each other in the front yard.

"Okay, you have to keep an open mind," he began.

"What, Jake?" I asked impatiently.

"Have you heard of peyote?"

I did a mental Google. Peyote. I'd heard of that before. Wait a second…

"Peyote? You mean they do drugs?"

Jake rolled his eyes and crossed his beefy arms in front of his chest, feet planted firmly apart.

"Shit, Bella. It's not 'drugs'."

"Of course it is," I mimicked his stance. "Peyote causes hallucinations."

"It's part of a traditional ritual," Jake said stubbornly. "Consumed in small doses, peyote can bring spiritual clarity and introspection."

"What, are you writing a pamphlet?" I scoffed.

"They're not using peyote anyway," Jake admitted. "It doesn't grow around here and it's illegal to transport across state lines. I just thought that if you'd heard about it, it would help you understand what's going to happen." He looked away.

"Jake," I said, waiting for him to look at me. "What's going to happen?"

"Well," he began, "I'm not exactly sure, but sometimes the ritual does involve mushrooms."

"I'm assuming you don't mean portabellas."

Jake smirked. "No, Bella. I think you know what kind I mean."

I paced away from him a few steps, then turned and walked back to face him.

"So, just to clarify things…" I raised a hand, counting off on my fingers. "We're talking chanting, meditating, singing, drum beating, and possible ingestion of magic mushrooms. Does that about cover it?"

Jake was silent for a moment, then he offered a curt nod.

I knew I really shouldn't go. My dad was the Chief of Police, after all. Charlie would flip out if he knew I was anywhere near those goofy 'shrooms.

But somehow, I couldn't bring myself to care.

I used to care. I used to try and do the right thing. I studied hard, treated people kindly, minded my own business… kept a lot of important secrets.

And where did it get me?

Alone, except for Jake. And he was asking me for a favor.

"Sounds like fun," I sighed, then at the sight of his toothy grin, I felt my own mouth curve into a smile. "Do I get my own drum?"

We ate huge sandwiches and chips at Jake's chipped kitchen table. Actually, I only ate half a sandwich and Jake had two… plus my other half. Werewolves, I was learning, ate a lot. Something to do with their high body temperature. And all that running around in the woods. Although I don't know why they even did that anymore, since the vamps were gone. Maybe they chased squirrels. I asked Jake that once as a joke.

He didn't think it was funny.

Night fell and I called Charlie to let him know I'd be staying in La Push for a while. He was working anyway and was more than happy to encourage my time with Jake. I knew he still held high hopes that Jake and I would get together, and I let him keep that hope alive since it made him so happy.

Goes without saying I didn't mention the mushrooms.

The ritual was going to take place on the cliffs overlooking First Beach. Jake and I walked out of the house toward the shore and he took my hand in his, offering a small smile as we walked in silence.

The sun had just sunk below the horizon and surprisingly, the clouds and drizzle from earlier in the day had dissipated, leaving clear skies of orange and pink blending into darkening shades of blue and near-black. A few stars twinkled and the moon had yet to rise.

Twilight.

Of course, I thought of Edward.

Because in spite of everything, even though I was pissed… and broken… and empty… and dark. Even though at times I hated him…I still loved him.

I couldn't help it.

I was weak. But even worse, I was helpless.

Helpless to leave him behind. Helpless to ever be with him again.

Helpless to ever stop loving him… missing him… wanting him… needing him.

"Bells? You okay?" Jake lifted our joined hands to his lips, planting a soft kiss on my fingers.

"Yeah," I said. "I'm fine."

And I was. Fine. Not great. Not happy, really. Just fine.

And my biggest fear was that was all I'd ever be.

Shit. I was so morose I was getting sick of myself. Sometimes I wondered how Jake tolerated my moodiness.

We turned and started to climb up a narrow trail through the woods and I shook my head, trying to break myself out of this funk.

"Hey Jake," I began. "Did you do this ritual when you turned fifteen?"

Jake grinned. "Yeah, I did."

"Did you do the mushrooms?"

Jake looked away, then back at me, as if gauging my reaction. "Yeah, I did."

"What happened?"

Jake said nothing, just tugged my hand up the trail as it started to get steeper… and I pulled back, already breathing heavily.

"Jake. What happened?"

Jake rolled his eyes, "I'm not supposed to say. The Spirit Walk is personal."

"Oh," I said disappointed. "Okay. Sorry."

We continued to climb, and I could feel Jake stealing glances at me.

"It's just that," he said hesitantly, "it wasn't actually very spiritual."

I shot a glance at him and was surprised to see he actually looked… embarrassed. Jake was never embarrassed. Not when he got drunk and puked in Jessica's mom's favorite potted begonia. Not when he got caught "entertaining" himself in the bathroom at the Forks Diner. (Eww!) Not when Quil and Embry stole his clothes while he was skinny dipping at the beach and he had to walk though La Push stark naked.

Of course, I've seen Jacob naked. He really had no reason to be embarrassed.

Hey, I may not have thought of him like that, but I still had eyes.

Shaking my head to erase the vision of Jake's naked body, I turned to him, avoiding everything below his neck.

"What do you mean, it wasn't very spiritual?"

"Well," Jake gestured with his free hand. "I told my dad that I saw my spirit guide. That it was a bear that led me down this path and told me I had a great destiny."

"Yeah? That sounds pretty cool."

"I lied."

"What?"

"I lied to him, Bella," Jake admitted. "I didn't see a spirit guide. I saw…" He pressed his lips together.

"What did you see?"

"God, it's really embarrassing."

"What, Jake?"

"I can't believe I'm telling you this!"

"Jake, I'm dying here!"

"I saw…" he clenched his eyes shut. "A giant dick."

I choked on a laugh. "A what?"

He turned to me with a growl, "A giant dick, okay? It chased me through the woods."

I couldn't hold back the giggles now.

"Hey, it was huge! At least six feet tall! It was terrifying!"

I pulled my hand from his and wrapped both arms around my stomach, howling with laughter.

"And… it was…" I could barely breathe, "…chasing you?"

"God, I can't believe I told you!" he muttered, walking faster up the trail. "Everyone else had these really deep, spiritual experiences, and all I got was an enormous cock!"

I exploded with more laughter and he glared at me.

"I'm sorry, Jake," I said, hiccupping, tears in my eyes and my lips trembling as I tried to control my amusement. "I'm sure it was really hard… I mean difficult!"

At that, our eyes met, and we both erupted with laughter.

"It was… hard… actually," he managed to get out between guffaws.

I snorted.

Finally, we got control of ourselves and wiped the tears from our eyes.

"Seriously, Bella, you can't tell anyone about this," he said, still grinning, but his gaze was serious. "It would kill my dad."

I knew he was right. Billy Black was a tribal elder and he took all of these rituals and traditions very seriously. I doubted he'd see the humor in Jacob's vision of a gargantuan wiener.

"Your secret's safe with me," I assured him, as we neared the top of the cliff.

We could see the group gathered at the edge of the cliff around a huge bonfire and made our way in that direction.

"Hey Jake?"

"Hmmm?"

"I was just wondering... was it circumcised?"

Jake shoved my shoulder and stalked toward the bonfire, and I followed behind him, laughing the entire way.

I caught up to him as he passed through the darkness of the forest into the light of the bonfire and perched next to him on one of the logs positioned in a large circle surrounding it. I looked around the circle and recognized most of the people. Billy Black and Sue Clearwater. Sue's kids Seth and Leah. Sam Uley… and Quil and Embry. My eyes rested on an old man sitting on a folding chair next to Billy who I supposed was the shaman Jake told me about. I know it's politically incorrect to say "old"… we usually say "older" or "more mature"… but this guy was old. White hair fell back from his wrinkled and weathered face and down past his shoulders. A tribal blanket was wrapped around his shoulders and I could see his gnarled hands holding the edges in place. He raised his eyes and instead of pale and rheumy, I was surprised that they were dark and clear… and seemingly focused in my direction. I found it impossible to look away as the man intensely held my gaze.

The guy kinda gave me the creeps.

I shivered and moved a little closer to Jake, who wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"The Spirit Walk is a tradition dating back to the days of my grandfather's grandfather," Billy Black intoned. "It is a ritual of enormous importance to every tribal member."

Heh. He said member.

I stifled a giggle. Jake elbowed me discreetly, but I could see him fighting a smile.

What were we, twelve?

I cautioned another glance at the shaman and found him still staring at me. I looked away.

Billy finished his introduction and on cue five teenage boys dressed only in faded jeans and tennis shoes entered the circle, standing around the fire. I perked up in interest at the rather impressive display of pecs and abs… and whatever those muscles are that make that V that goes down into a guy's jeans.

Who knew rituals could be so stimulating?

I shifted in my seat and I swore I saw Jacob smirk.

I'd have to work on a few more giant dick jokes.

At this point the shaman stood and entered the circle of boys. Two men seated behind the boys began to steadily beat on drums quietly. The shaman opened his mouth to speak, and once again I was surprised. His voice was strong and steady, carrying easily over the drumbeats and the crackle of the fire.

He spoke in another language and I whispered to Jacob, "What's he saying?"

Jake positioned himself so he could translate easily into my ear without causing a distraction.

"Every man has a destiny… a purpose… and it is only through realizing that destiny that a man can live in peace," he began. "For a boy to become a man, he must first seek out the spirits to determine his path."

The shaman looked at each boy in turn, continuing to speak.

Jacob whispered his interpretation to me. "Are you prepared this night to seek your spirit guide and embrace your destiny?"

The boys responded in the affirmative then all sat cross-legged on the ground, each placing a small object in front of them. A couple of small rocks, a twig wrapped in twine, some kind of bone, and a long, black feather.

"Their totems," Jacob explained. "A channel to the spirit world."

I nodded, more engrossed than I thought I'd be.

The shaman walked around the circle, chanting quietly and handing something to each of the boys before taking his place again. He and the boys spoke together in a loud voice.

"May our eyes and hearts be opened and may the spirits reveal themselves this night," Jacob translated.

They all brought their hands to their mouths and began to chew solemnly.

"The mushrooms?" I asked quietly. Jacob nodded.

The shaman swallowed and spoke again. The boys were still, eyes closed, breathing deeply.

"Now you must clear your mind... still your spirit. Imagine a path before you, leading through the forest."

I watched in awe, finding myself lulled into an almost hypnotic state.

"Before you, the path widens into a clearing. And across the clearing you see a shape. It is an animal. It is your spirit guide. Do not speak his name. Just watch to see where he leads. He will take you where you most want to go. He will show you what you most want to see."

I started slightly at that statement. Where did I most want to go? What did I most want to see?

I knew the answer. Edward.

The shaman had stopped talking and stood quietly, watching over the boys. The circle was silent; even the drumming had stopped. I don't know how long we all sat there staring into the fire. It was like time stood still and the only reason I knew it hadn't was the crackling of the fire, the crash of the ocean below, and the occasional hoot of an owl in the woods.

Finally, one by one, the boys opened their eyes and I was startled by what I saw reflected in them.

Peace.

They stood, talking quietly amongst themselves, then found their way to their loved ones seated on the logs around the fire, sharing hugs and handshakes and smiles.

My gaze flickered to the shaman, who had retired to his folding chair. He was once again staring at me.

This time I didn't look away.

Instead, I turned to Jake. "I'll be right back."

I don't know what I thought was going to happen, but I stood and walked around to the far side of the circle and stood in front of the shaman. He looked at me steadily, like he knew what I was going to say.

Hell, I didn't even know what I was going to say.

But I didn't have to say anything, because he stood and walked away from me, only to turn back after a couple of steps and gesture for me to follow him. In a daze, I did just that.

We walked slowly away from the others along the edge of the cliff. When we were out of the reach of the firelight, he turned and looked out over the dark waves below. The full moon had risen during the ritual, illuminating his features slightly into sharp ridges of varying shades of grey.

"The Spirit Walk is different for every person," he said, still looking out over the edge of the cliff. "For some it is deeply moving, for others, disturbing, and for still others it seems irrelevant… and it is not until much later in life that the meaning becomes clear."

I didn't understand what he was trying to tell me, but I listened carefully.

"When I was a boy on the cusp of manhood, I too underwent the ritual," he continued. "At the time, I didn't understand what I had seen. We are told that our visions are private, so I could not speak to anyone about mine. But tonight, I think it is time I finally share the story."

My curiosity was piqued, "Why?"

He turned to look at me then. "Because my spirit guide, a hawk, led me on a trail deep through a dark forest to a beautiful meadow. And standing in the center of that meadow… was you."

My skin prickled. "Me? I don't understand."

"I didn't either," he continued, turning once again to look out over the ocean. "But you were there, the hawk circling overhead. And then I saw that you were standing on a path… actually, you were standing at the convergence of two paths. One led away to the right, the other to the left. You looked from one path to the other, then back at me, as if waiting for me to tell you which way to go."

He said nothing else, so I finally asked, "What happened? What did you tell me?"

The shaman looked at me again, his dark eyes impassive.

"Nothing. The vision ended."

Well that was helpful.

I turned to stand next to him and studied the surf for a moment.

"So, what do you think it means?" I asked.

He took a deep breath. "I believe that you are here for a reason," he said. "That the spirits led you here to this night… to me. That there is something you need to do, a path you must take…a choice you need to make."

He turned once again to face me, "And I think I am intended to help you make that choice."

"But what choice?" I asked, frustrated. "I don't understand any of this! What am I supposed to do? I don't have anywhere to go… no path in front of me!"

"But there is a question," he said, looking at me intently, "a question you want answered above any other."

I blinked twice and looked away. I didn't want to go there.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You seek something… someone," he continued, his deep voice rumbling.

I closed my eyes, fighting the tears. Fighting the hope that, despite my best efforts, was beginning to beat in my chest.

"I can't… It's not possible."

"There is a way," he said simply.

Somehow I believed him. I believed that he could help me if I asked. But did I want to ask?

Did I really want to find Edward?

He'd thrown me away, cast me aside. Under the guise of protection and despite – or perhaps because of - his love for me, he left me alone to try and survive the unbearable loss of his presence. Could I overlook that and trail after him like a pitiful puppy dog?

And if I could swallow what little pride I had left and by some miracle find him again, what then? Would I forgive him? Worse yet, what if I tracked him down only to find that he still didn't want me? That he'd moved on and truly left me behind?

Still, in that instant, I knew I would take the risk. That if there was a chance, no matter how small, that I could be with him for just one more moment, I would take it.

I was just that pathetic.

So I turned to him, tears flowing from my eyes and I asked.

"What do I have to do?

x-x

"Bella? Are you sure you want to do this?" Jacob asked, his brow furrowed in concern.

I hadn't told him everything about my discussion with the shaman. Instead, I just said he'd suggested that the Spirit Walk ritual might help me find some resolution to my issues… that maybe I'd finally get some peace.

Jake warily accepted my explanation. He'd seen first hand what I'd been through over the past six months, and despite his trepidation, I knew he couldn't help but encourage anything that might make things easier. He would do just about anything if he thought it would help me get over losing Edward.

So I sat cross-legged in front of the dwindling fire, Jacob on my left and the shaman on my right. The rest of the group had left, walking down the trail quietly. Billy had spoken for a few moments with the shaman, flickering a glance my way occasionally, before he too headed home.

I had pulled from my pocket a piece of sea glass I carried with me at all times. I found it on the beach not long after Edward left, on one of my first visits to La Push. It caught my eye because of its unique color – shades of topaz and amber on one side, dissolving into deep onyx on the other.

I'd wept when I found it, but slid it in my pocket, rubbing it softly with my thumb whenever my memories of Edward seemed particularly out of reach.

I placed the colored glass on the ground in front of my legs and watched the firelight reflected in its facets.

"Are you ready?" the shaman asked.

I nodded and he began to speak as he did before. I didn't need Jake to translate this time, since I knew the gist of what he was saying. Instead, I focused on the glass and thought of Edward. I remembered when we first met in Biology class… the night he first appeared in my room… the first time our lips met.

And I longed for him.

I longed for the future we didn't have… I longed for the life we could have, if things were different.

The shaman held a small piece of wrinkled, brown mushroom out to me and I hesitated only briefly before taking it and popping it into my mouth. It was chewy and tasted like dirt… really bad dirt actually… so I swallowed it quickly and returned my focus to the glass.

Nothing happened for several minutes. I could hear the shaman chanting quietly, a log falling into the fire, and beyond that, the waves crashing on the rocky beach below.

Edward.

I closed my eyes and could almost see his face. I reached out to touch him and he vanished in a wisp of vapor. A wave of nausea swept through me and I opened my eyes again, taking a deep breath and trying not to vomit.

My vision blurred around the edges and once again I focused on the glass, looking deeper into its sparkling facets, searching for my deepest desire.

To be with Edward.

The fire snapped and although I knew we were alone, I heard a steady drumbeat, quiet at first, then growing louder… and faster.

I kept my focus on the glass and the colors began to swirl before my eyes, the amber blending with the black in pulsing eddies, the glass seeming to liquefy and bubble, the colors filling my vision.

As if from a great distance, I heard Jacob calling my name.

"Bella, are you okay?"

I wanted to answer him, but I couldn't. I was frozen in place, the drumbeats pounding in my head, my wide eyes staring into the bubbling glass. The colors swirled faster now, obscuring the fire… the sky… the forest… until all I saw was tawny ocher… dark gold… and finally… an all-consuming, enveloping cloak of black.

"Bella!"


	3. Of Corsets and Confusion

  


_Maggie's Boarding House_

_**All that we see or seem** _  
_**Is but a dream within a dream.** _

_**\- Edgar Allan Poe** _

**Chapter 2 – Of Corsets and Confusion**

I dreamed of Edward.

I knew it was a dream, but I didn't care… because of the delicious things Edward was doing to me.

It was pathetic, but since Edward had left, the dreams were all I had of him… so I clung to them - every wispy image, every ghostly touch.

Every tingling orgasm.

Oh, yeah. There were orgasms.

In the first days and weeks of my solitude, the dreams were less satisfying. The troubling, chasing-him-but-not-catching-him nightmares left me breathless and I would awake feeling bereft, fingers clenching the drenched sheets. But slowly they began to change and evolve.

I remember the first time I chased him… and caught him. I grasped at his arm and he twisted to face me, surprise lighting his amber eyes.

I was so shocked, I awoke sitting up in bed, my arm outstretched and reaching for him.

Then, night after night, I gained more control of the dreams, at least to a limited extent. He no longer eluded me, but came to me willingly with caresses and kisses… and increasing intensity.

The first time I climaxed he was fingering me against the hood of his Volvo.

God, I loved that Volvo.

So, instead of questioning why I was walking down the hall of Forks High gripping Edward's hand tightly, I gave myself over to the fantasy.

Did I mention that I'm pathetic?

He quickened his step, pulling me around a corner, then spun me quickly, pressing me back against a dented locker with the full length of his body.

Ah, the against-the-locker dream. I loved this one.

I looked up at his beautiful face, my eyes trailing over his hooded ones, then down his nose to his slightly open mouth. My hands pressed flat against the locker at my sides and I could feel every inch of his hardened frame.

His tongue flicked out, moistening his lips before he pressed them softly to mine. He pulled back a bit, smiling slightly before moving in again more insistently.

Of course, I responded as I always do. My hands left the locker, trailing up his chest, under his jacket and clutching desperately to his shoulders. His tongue lapped at my mouth and I opened to him, tilting my head and devouring him.

Allowing him to devour me.

He pressed his knee between my legs and I moaned.

"Shh…" He broke away from the kiss and whispered in my ear, nibbling lightly on my lobe. "They'll hear us."

He knew that just turned me on even more.

He trailed his lips down my neck, licking, sucking and nibbling his way to the hollow at the base of my throat, as his fingers expertly released the buttons on my shirt, then stroked gently along the top edge of my bra, dipping slightly under the lace cups. He released the clasp and dragged the straps down my shoulders in one languid motion. My shirt slipped off with the same movement.

His teeth grazed lightly against my right nipple and I moaned his name as heat pooled between my thighs, radiating outward until every hair stood on end, every inch of me tingling… burning… craving.

I don't know how the sensations could be so vivid, since in reality Edward and I had never proceeded much past first base.

Guess I had one hell of an imagination.

His attention diverted by my other breast, he circled my nipple with his pointed tongue before sucking it lightly and blowing on the puckered flesh. He continued his ministrations on my heated breasts, first one, then the other. His hands trailed up under my skirt, hitching my left leg around his hips and running one long finger along my dampened panties.

"God, Edward… I can't…"

"Can't what?" he asked offhandedly, still nipping at my breast as that one finger trailed lightly up and down my underwear.

My hips thrust forward involuntarily. He was driving me insane.

"Can't what, Bella?" he repeated, finally slipping his finger in the waistband of my panties, dragging them slowly down my trembling thighs.

"Please…" All I could do was beg. For more… for everything.

Edward's mouth left my breast and my eyes fluttered open to see him looking at me steadily, his pupils dilated with lust. He didn't break eye contact as he slowly dropped to his knees, shifting the leg I had clenched around his waist down so he could remove my panties, then back up and over his shoulder.

Oh. My. God.

He pushed my skirt up around my waist and parted me with both hands before running his tongue slowly up my moistened flesh, leaving behind a burning trail of desire.

His eyes closed and he moaned as if enjoying a particularly tantalizing morsel.

"I love to taste you," he said quietly, before returning his mouth to my heated center.

He consumed me greedily, first plunging deeply with his tongue, then retreating to circle around my swollen nub… kissing, sucking, gently biting until I was writhing, pounding my head back against the locker and clutching his hair in my hands.

He plunged one, then two fingers deep inside of me… in and out, twisting, curling, thrusting… and with one last draw on my clit, I came apart. Tingling and burning rushed through my body from my core outward until every fingertip trembled with my release.

The bell rang.

Edward's eyes flicked up to meet mine and I watched as the ochre dissolved to a verdant green.

I screamed.

I awoke still quivering from my earth-shattering climax and the dream's disturbing ending, my breath escaping in short gasps.

x-x

"Miss? Miss, are you all right?"

My eyes focused on the face of a young man in front of me eyeing me with concern.

"What?" I realized I was lying not on my bed, but something hard.

Where did I fall asleep?

I shook my head to focus my confused mind.

The young man was still looking at me.

"Did you hit your head?" he asked.

What the hell was going on? Where was I?

"Miss?" the man repeated. "Can you hear me?" he said a little louder.

"Yes," I rasped, then I cleared my throat. "Yes, I'm all right, I think."

"Can you sit up?" he asked, extending a hand.

I looked at his hand skeptically, then deciding he didn't look like a serial killer, I grasped it lightly and sat up.

Why couldn't I take a breath? It felt like steel bands were wrapped around my ribs.

"Who are you?" I gasped, "Where am I?"

"You were lying here when I came out," the man answered. "Are you sure you didn't hit your head?"

Then it all came flooding back to me… Jake… the fire… the ritual… the mushrooms.

Oh God. I was hallucinating.

"Miss?"

I studied the man before me. He was cute - brown hair brushed neatly, blue eyes, dark brown suit and tie, although the style was a little like something my grandfather might wear.

"Are you my guide?" I asked him.

The man looked at me blankly.

"I'm Tom," he said, "Tom Jacobsen. I live here."

I pondered the significance of his name. Was there a hidden message? Tom…. Tom…nope, nothing came to mind.

"You look a little pale," he observed. "Maybe you should come inside. Mrs. Oleson will know what to do."

I let him help me up and turned to realize I had been lying on a concrete porch in front of a three-story brownstone. I swayed a little on my feet and Tom wrapped an arm around my waist to steady me.

"Easy there, are you going to faint?" he asked, a panicked look on his face.

"Of course I'm not going to faint. I never faint," I scoffed. "I'm just a little short of breath." I gasped and my head swam, forcing me to lean heavily against Tom.

He swept me up into his arms and carried me quickly to the worn green door, kicking it a few times and calling out to Mrs. Oleson, whoever that was.

I found out a few seconds later when the woman in question opened the door with a scowl.

"What are you doing kickin' my door - " she began, then abruptly swung the door wide open as she saw me in Tom's arms. "What happened? Who's this?" she asked, her voice a mingling of concern and Irish brogue.

"I don't know," Tom replied, brushing by her to set me on a small couch inside the door. "I found her on the front stoop passed out cold."

"I wasn't passed out," I argued, "I never faint." I stood up to prove my point and once again fought a wave of dizziness. I leaned on the arm of the couch to steady myself. "I just can't seem to catch my breath."

Mrs. Oleson watched me steadily for a moment as I panted and wheezed, then she abruptly turned to Tom.

"Pick her up and follow me," she commanded, then muttered something that sounded like, "…not fashion… it's foolishness."

"What?" I gasped as Tom suddenly swept me up again, following Mrs. Oleson up a flight of stairs and into a small bedroom.

"Set her down here Tom, then off with you," she ordered, pointing at a spot on the floor.

The young man did as he was told and left the room, closing the door behind him with a soft click. I said nothing, still shocked and unsure of what was going on.

"Take off your dress," she demanded.

"What? My dress?"

The woman waved her hands in exasperation and moved behind me, unfastening my dress as she continued muttering about "damn fool girls." I was frozen with shock as she pushed the dress off my shoulders, then set about tugging at something else on my back.

The steel bands tightened for a moment…

And then… sweet relief.

I drew in a deep breath… then another… and my head cleared.

"Thank you," I moaned, turning to face Mrs. Oleson, then stopping in confusion at the mass of fabric and strings in her hand.

"What's that?" I asked.

Mrs. Oleson threw it on the bed in contempt. "Damned fool contraption!" she exclaimed. "You girls are willing to sacrifice anything for fashion – but a corset is nothing but a torture device!"

Corset?

"My dear Henry, God rest his soul, believed 'em unnatural. So once he up and married me, I burned every last one of mine!" She wandered over, picking up the offending garment with a look of distaste.

"Of course this one is nothing compared to the likes of corsets when I was a girl," she observed with a musical lilt to her voice. "They'd cinch us up good and tight… you thought you couldn't breathe." She eyed me briefly, and her eyes sparkled with laughter. "I don't think I took a full breath from the day I first bled to the day I wed!"

For the first time, I observed the woman before me. She was petite, slightly shorter than me, with vivid red hair pulled back in a tight bun and bright blue eyes now creased with humor. I frowned at her odd costume, a long, reddish-brown wool skirt and serviceable white button-down blouse with the sleeves rolled up. A white apron with a smudge of something was tied around her waist, and she pulled up a corner to dab at her eyes. In a way, she reminded me of Alice with her lively energy and infectious smile.

Her laughter subsided and she returned my stare.

"So now," she said, "can you tell me why you were lyin' on my front stoop?"

Now that was a good question. I pondered it for a while, contemplating what meaning all of this could have. What kind of vision was this, anyway? Granted, there were no gigantic phalluses walking around, but this wasn't really what I expected. Where were the screaming falcons and full moons and… I don't know… symbolic stuff?

I eyed Mrs. Oleson speculatively. "Are you my guide?"

"Guide to what, dear?"

I sighed. Figures it wouldn't be that easy.

"Never mind."

Mrs. Oleson cast me an odd look which took a moment for me to place.

Geez. She thought I was nuts.

I should have gotten more information about this whole Spirit Walk thing from Jacob before I swallowed those stupid mushrooms. Now that I was here, what the hell was I supposed to do?

I opted for playing along.

"I guess it was just the corset," I said quietly, sparing a glance for the stupid thing. What idiot invented those anyway? I'm sure it was some misogynist with mommy issues. "I'm really feeling much better now."

Despite my assurances, a yawn escaped before I could stifle it. Mrs. Oleson approached me briskly and ran a firm hand down my arm.

"You're exhausted," she proclaimed. "What's your name?"

"Bella… Bella Swan."

"Well, I'm Maggie," she smiled. "I just make Young Tom call me Mrs. Oleson 'cause he gets a bit full of himself and needs to be taken down a peg or two on occasion.

"Where do you live?" she asked.

My mind raced, trying to think of a logical answer.

"I'm new in town," I said slowly. "Just arrived. I haven't found a place yet."

"Well," she replied, grasping her hands together at her waist. "This room's empty at the moment. You take a nice rest and join us all for supper. I insist."

I smiled thankfully, then the smile dropped. "I'm afraid I don't have any money."

Mrs. Oleson observed me quietly for a moment; she took my hand and looked deeply into my eyes, as if she was searching for something. She appeared to have found it, because she blinked, then squeezed my hand once gently before releasing it.

"We'll talk about that later," she said on her way out the door. "Just get some rest and I'll see you at supper." She smiled and shut the door tightly.

My eyes wandered around the room, from the door to a worn desk and chair, around to a small window with a sheer curtain, the iron bed with a soft quilt in blues and greens, to a small vase of wildflowers, and a basin and pitcher sitting on a low dresser. I walked over and peeked into the pitcher.

Empty.

I looked up and jumped at my reflection in the oval mirror above the dresser.

My features were the same, but my hair was swept up into a loose bun on top of my head, topped by a pale blue hat with a broad brim and a wide lace band. My fingers touched the brim lightly and I looked over at the dress lying on the bed, noting that the hat matched the small sprigs of flowers on the rumpled fabric.

I dragged my eyes back to the mirror and stepped back a bit so I could see more of myself in the reflection. I wore a kind of two-piece slip made of white cotton with thin straps. I fingered the fabric and noted I wasn't wearing a bra. Lifting the bottom of the slip I saw white stockings, garters clipped on when they ended mid-thigh, and on my feet, black, low-heeled boots.

This hallucination was so not what I was expecting.

I knew that in order to understand what my vision was trying to tell me, I had to first understand where – and, acknowledging my strange attire - when I was. I had yet to give myself entirely over to this whole destiny thing, but I had to admit, the vision… dream… hallucination… whatever, was real enough that it had me wondering if maybe the shaman was right. Maybe being here could help me find Edward.

Or get over him.

I shivered a little at that thought, because despite the pain that he caused when he walked away just a few days after my disastrous birthday party, I didn't really want to get over him. In the months following his abrupt departure, I fluctuated from despair to frustration to red-hot anger, but deep down I always hoped and wished that he'd miss me… want me… come back to me.

I never once even tried to stop wishing it.

I took a few tentative steps over to the window, peering through the sheer curtain. I was on a busy street, paved with sidewalks on either side. A streetcar rolled by, and I noticed old-fashioned cars as well as a few horse-drawn buggies. The people on the streets were dressed similarly to Tom and Mrs. Oleson – Longer skirts and dresses and hats like mine on the women… suits and ties on the men and a few wore dark bowler hats or fedoras.

I backed away from the window, a trickle of panic running down my spine. This was all so vivid, and to be honest, it was starting to freak me out a little. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself and picked up the torturous corset, running my fingers along the boning as I considered what I was seeing.

History was not my best subject, but I'd guess I was somewhere in the early 20th century. I was obviously in a city in the United States, given the lack of accent in the voices I'd heard around me, Mrs. Oleson excluded. The question was why?

Why?

What was I supposed to get out of this trip to America's past? An appreciation for modern undergarments?

I threw the corset back on the bed in frustration.

Well, whatever the point of this little venture was, I was getting a little tired of it. I was ready for it to end.

I paused for a moment, wondering how a person actually stopped hallucinating.

I imagined it would stop on its own once the mushrooms were out of my system, but figured I could at least try to help things along. After all, it had been more than half an hour since I got here. Jake had to be getting worried since I hadn't come out of my trance yet.

I figured I'd try just thinking about going back. I sat on the bed and closed my eyes, breathed deeply, my hands resting lightly in my lap, and focused my thoughts on the bonfire back in La Push. I visualized the snapping logs, the sparks flying into the darkness, my amber stone on the ground before me. I imagined Jake to my left, the shaman to my right, just as they were when I entered the trance. I reached out to take Jacob's hand and opened my eyes.

Nothing. I was still in the empty room, the curtain fluttering lightly at the window.

Aggravated, I decided to try again, re-enacting the ritual that got me here.

I didn't have a totem, though. I knew it had to be something natural, so I scanned the room and settled on a sprig of the wildflowers in the vase on the dresser. I looked skeptically at the dried yellow bud, but shrugged. It was all I had. I sat cross-legged on the bed, setting the flower in front of me and closing my eyes. I tried to remember the words of the shaman.

"May our eyes and hearts be opened and may the spirits reveal themselves this night… I mean day," I intoned, feeling stupid saying the words aloud and squinting one eye open just to make sure no one was listening.

Yeah, like a hallucination was going to judge.

"May our eyes and hearts be opened and may the spirits reveal themselves this day," I repeated a little louder. Then I focused on the flower before me, imagining a path in the forest leading to…

Where was the path leading to again?

Frustrated, I flopped back on the bed. This was getting me nowhere. I reached over and picked up the flower, twisting it between my fingers. A yawn escaped my lips.

Weird. I really was tired.

Standing up, I picked up my dress, draped it over the chair and placed my hat on the desk. I sat on the bed to remove my boots, then slid under the soft quilt. Tugging it up to my chin, I turned and curled up with my knees to my chest.

I'd go to sleep, the mushrooms would wear off, and I'd wake up back home.

I'd tell Jake I hallucinated a giant vagina, just to make him laugh.

It was as good a plan as any, I thought.

x-x

I was wrong, however.

Because when I awoke, I was still in the little room, the sun low in the sky and a light knocking at the door.

"Yes?" I called out.

Mrs. Oleson popped her head in the doorway. "Supper's just about ready dear," she said. "Are you feeling better?"

I sat up in the bed, rubbing my eyes, irritated that I was still here but relieved that food was nearby. My stomach rumbled in agreement.

"Yes, actually," I admitted, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed.

Mrs. Oleson walked over, eyeing me speculatively.

"Well, you look better, I'll say," she agreed. "Your color's back and you don't look so tired. You just need something to eat and you'll be right as rain. My dear Henry, God rest his soul, used to say 'Nothin's so bad after shuteye and supper'." She paused a moment, considering. "Are you ready to tell me what you're really doing here?"

I started at her bluntness, then reddened as I looked away.

"I can't really explain it," I said quietly.

Mrs. Oleson nodded knowingly. "No matter," she said, "I'm here when you're ready." She walked toward the door but stopped with her hand on the knob and turned back toward me when I called her name.

"Thank you," I said. "You don't even know me and you've been so… wonderful."

"Oh, I know more than you think," she said, looking at me with a strange look on her face… was it… sympathy? "I could see it in your eyes before. You've been left behind. I've been there too, dear. You're lost… lookin' for something, but not sure how to find it… am I right?"

I nodded.

She tapped her forehead with a finger. "Got a bit o' the sight, I do. My dear Henry, God rest his soul, used to say I knew more about people than they knew about themselves. "Don't worry dear, you can stay here 'til you find what you're looking for."

"Thank you," I repeated. As she turned to leave, I called out, "Mrs. Oleson… Maggie, I'm really sorry for your loss."

"My loss?" she asked, confused.

"Your husband?" I explained.

"Oh," she laughed, "Henry isn't dead. He ran off with a tramp from down at the dance hall."

I gasped. "But… you keep saying, 'God rest his soul'." Now I was the one confused.

"Oh, that," she smiled, her eyes crinkling once again. "Just wishful thinking," she said as she turned to walk out the door.

I sat gaping at the closed door for a full minute before I burst out laughing. I didn't think I ever wanted to get on Maggie Oleson's bad side.

I stood and walked over to the desk, picking up my dress and stepping into it carefully. I pulled it up and realized there was no way I could button it – the dress was too small.

I'd have to put on the stupid corset.

Dropping the dress to the floor, I picked up the corset and eyed it suspiciously. I managed to slide it on and cinch the ties – not as tight as before, but tight enough so that with a few twists and turns I could button up the back of my dress. I took a tentative breath, then a deeper one. This wasn't so bad. I eyed the hat but figured I didn't have to wear it inside. Turning to the mirror, I straightened my hair and repositioned a few pins, then grabbed the boots and quickly laced them up.

I could do this.

Then I realized I had to go to the bathroom.

Dear God, did they have indoor plumbing? I didn't know if I could deal with an outhouse.

Mentally kicking myself in the ass for my wimpiness, I opened the door and scanned the hallway. It was quiet so I tiptoed out, glancing through the open doorways as I walked toward the stairs. A sigh of relief escaped my lips when I spotted white tile, a spacious tub, and an old-fashioned but recognizable toilet in a small room at the top of the stairs.

I did my business quickly, and I have to admit I held my breath as I pulled the chain on the toilet, only releasing it when it flushed easily. I washed my hands in the pedestal sink, splashing a little water on my face before walking out of the bathroom and down the stairs, following the delicious aromas luring me to the dining room.

Maggie was putting a large platter on the table and she looked up and smiled at me as I entered the room.

"Have a seat, dear," she said, motioning to an empty chair. She turned to address the people already seated around the gleaming dining room table.

"This is Bella Swan, a new boarder," she said, then looking back at me, she indicated a young couple across the table. "This is Jared and Liza Johannes. They're newlyweds."

She winked, then pointed to an older man with dark hair graying at the temples and somber dark eyes.

"That's Alistair Jenkins. He's a writer. And of course you know young Tom."

Tom smiled from his seat next to me.

"Good to see you again, Miss Swan. Feeling better, I hope?"

"Yes," I smiled back, "much better, thanks."

"Were you ill?" Liza Johannes asked, concern creasing her brow.

"She just fainted," Tom replied and I bristled, about to argue that I didn't faint, then decided to go the more diplomatic route.

"I'm fine, really," I said instead. "Everything looks delicious." I gestured to the food on the table, changing the subject.

And it really did. Maggie had prepared a large roast, circled by potatoes and carrots, a large bowl of biscuits, peas glistening with butter, and I could see a pie through the doorway into the kitchen. My mouth watered and I tried to remember the last time I ate. Sandwiches at Jake's house… but was that last night… or this morning? I shrugged internally and, at Maggie's insistence, loaded up my plate.

The meal was amazing and the conversation quiet but friendly. I learned Jared and Liza met at the local school where they were both teachers. Tom had just started a new job as a typesetter at a newspaper called the Tribune.

"It's a start," he said, "but my goal is to see my name on a byline someday."

The Johanneses and Tom asked the usual questions about me and my past, and I answered honestly but vaguely. I told them I came from Washington State, that I had no family – I didn't here – that I was new in town and trying to make a fresh start.

Alistair Jenkins ate silently, only looking up occasionally to regard me with unreadable eyes. Maggie also observed, only offering up a comment when I appeared uncomfortable. She was quick to change the subject and divert attention away from me, and I smiled at her in appreciation.

"Well, Bella," Tom began after his second piece of pie. "Since you're new in town, I was wondering if you'd like me to show you around a bit." He shot a glance at the window.

"It's still light out. Would you like to go for a little walk?"

I hesitated, not knowing if I should leave the house, but very curious about the world outside these walls. Then I realized that maybe this was what I was looking for. Maybe Tom was my spirit guide after all, and this walk would give me my answers.

"Sure," I agreed, standing up and taking my plate to the kitchen.

"Now, just leave that," Maggie scolded. "I don't like the boarders in my kitchen." She smiled to lessen the sting of her reprimand.

"Just go and take your walk, and have a good time."

So I trailed behind Tom out the front door and blinked when he offered his bent elbow to me, an eyebrow arched expectantly. I hesitated briefly, then looped my arm through his. He tucked my hand into the crook of his elbow and patted my hand with a smile.

Uh oh. Gotta nip this one in the bud. This relationship needed to stay strictly spirit guide/spirit… follower? I bit my lip, contemplating the correct terminology for a moment, then mentally shook myself to focus on the issue at hand.

"It's so nice of you to do this for me, Tom," I began slowly. "It's comforting to have a friend since I'm new around here. Between you and Maggie, and now the Johanneses I feel like I already have some great friends." I emphasized the 'F' word both times I said it, hoping he'd get my not-so-subtle message.

His step faltered a bit and he looked away, tightening his jaw slightly, and I knew he understood what I was saying. Straightening, he turned back to me with a forced smile.

"Of course, it's the least I can do," he said brightly. "We're neighbors now, after all." He swallowed, then added conspiratorially, "I noticed you didn't mention Alistair as one of your new friends."

"Yeah, what's the deal with him anyway?" I laughed, glad we'd moved quickly beyond the awkwardness. "Does he ever smile?"

"I think he did once," he said thoughtfully, tapping his lip with one finger. "Or maybe it was just gas."

Grinning, I turned to survey my surroundings. We walked past several brownstones similar to Maggie's, then a dress shop, a drug store, and a bookstore. The street was still bustling with cars swerving around horse drawn carriages ,and every now and then a streetcar whizzed by. The sidewalk was full as well, but the people were polite, nodding as they passed by.

I couldn't believe how real it all was.

I could smell the exhaust from the cars, the perfume of the women walking by, the less attractive aroma of horse manure. The sights and sounds surrounded me, enveloped me. We neared a small café where a few people sat on tables outside, sipping coffee and nibbling on sandwiches. I could see a leaf of lettuce peeking out between the bread and meat. The detail was amazing.

I kicked ass at hallucinating.

I turned back to Tom and hesitated only briefly before asking, "What's the date?"

Tom thought a moment, then replied, "Um, March 11th, I think."

"I know this is going to sound weird…" I took a breath. "What year?"

Tom looked at me curiously but responded anyway.

"1918. Are you sure you're all right, Bella?"

1918.

1918.

Like a tumbler on a combination lock, I felt pieces start to fall into place.

1918\. Edward's time.

I saw a newsstand ahead and quickened my steps, dragging Tom along with me.

"Bella? What's wrong?"

I just walked faster, nearing a run as I approached the stand, then stopped shortly, my eyes scanning the shelves and focusing on the stack of newspapers front and center.

Chicago Tribune.

Of course.

"You work for the Chicago Tribune," I said accusingly.

"Yes," Tom answered, confused.

"I'm in Chicago," I breathed.

"Of course, you're in Chicago." I heard Tom's voice but couldn't focus on his words. My head was spinning as I considered where and when I was.

Edward was here. Somewhere in this time, in this place. Edward was here. I looked up and scanned the faces around me, searching for his familiar smile. I released Tom's arm and rushed down the sidewalk, frantically looking for that tousled shock of bronze hair.

Where was he?

I was lost in my obsession. No longer acknowledging that none of this was real, I took on the attitude of my dreams.

I didn't care if it wasn't real. All I cared about was finding Edward.

I heard a voice calling his name hysterically and realized it was my own. I spotted an auburn-haired man walking away from me and grabbed his arm. He spun to face me and I realized it wasn't him. Tears rolled down my face. How could I come all this way and not see him? I stood sobbing in the middle of the street as the crowd milled around me. Through my tears each face was distorted, a twisted mask of concern or confusion.

My breath escaped in short gasps yet again and my head began to swim.

"Bella? Bella? Are you okay?" Tom ran up to me, grasping me by both arms and lightly shaking me.

"He's not here," I said, my knees buckling as Tom held me up. Dizziness swept through me yet again as I repeated, "He's not here."

"Who, Bella? Who's not here?"

I didn't answer.

Instead, I did something I never did.

I fainted.


	4. Of Fainting and Famliar Faces

_Cook County Hospital_

" _ **What is reality anyway? It's nothing but a collective hunch."**_

_**-Jane Wagner, as performed by Lily Tomlin** _

**Chapter 3 – Of Fainting and Familiar Faces**

I came to, my cheeks still damp with tears and I found myself once again swept into Tom's arms as he walked – actually ran – down the street.

"What happened?" I asked in raspy voice. "What are you doing?"

Tom looked down at me briefly and quickened his already fast pace.

"I'm taking you to the hospital," he said between labored breaths.

Was I _that_ heavy?

"Hospital?" I repeated. "I don't want to go to the hospital. I'm fine."

I started to struggle a bit, but Tom just tightened his grip and gave me a light shake.

"Don't argue with me," he said firmly. "You collapsed in the middle of the street. You're going to the hospital."

"But," I began, "I don't have any money. I can't pay a doctor."

Tom offered me a reassuring smile, but his steps didn't falter.

"Don't worry about that. They don't turn anyone away." He shifted me in his arms. "We're almost there."

"Really, Tom, I can walk," I said without much conviction. To be honest, I was still a little weak from my Edward breakdown and it actually felt kind of nice to be carried.

"Just hold still," Tom ordered, turning toward a huge gray stone building with terra cotta bands striping across it horizontally and bordering each large door.

The building covered a city block, but I didn't have much time to appreciate the architecture before Tom pushed through the door and made his way to a small nurse's station. He looked around quickly, then set me down gently in one of several wooden chairs in the nearby waiting area.

"I'll be right back," he assured me, then returned to the nurse's station. I watched him speak in hushed tones with a woman in a long white dress and apron, wearing a matching starched cap. They both looked in my direction before the woman nodded briefly at Tom and turned to walk away through an arched doorway.

Tom walked over and smiled reassuringly.

"It'll just be a few minutes," he said, shifting to survey the room. His eyes lit on a telephone sitting on a small table across the room.

"I should call the boarding house and let them know what's happened, or Maggie will send the police." He grinned, pointing at the phone. "I'll just be over there if you need me."

I sighed, resigned to enduring a doctor's examination, and nodded at Tom. It wasn't like I was afraid of doctors… after all, I'd spent plenty of time in emergency rooms… it was just turn-of-the-century doctors that made me a little nervous.

Did they still use leeches in 1918?

I shuddered and studied my surroundings. A man sat in a nearby chair, his hand wrapped in a bloody towel, his face a grimace of pain. As I watched, another nurse came and escorted the man and his wife through the doorway I noticed before. Through it, I could see a few beds lining the far wall, and now and then a doctor or nurse would pass by.

A small brass placard on the wall across from me caught my attention and with a quick glance at Tom, who had his back turned, I stood shakily and made my way over to it. Brushing my fingers over the engraving, I read it silently.

Cook County Hospital

Est. 1847

Huh. Cook County Hospital. Wasn't that where E.R. took place?

I smiled to myself, thinking of the TV show, and walked back to the waiting area. I winced when I grazed my shin against a low table and limped over to collapse in my chair.

A mother and a young boy sat one chair down from me, whispering quietly. I sniffed, acknowledging the scent of alcohol and some type of floor cleaner, and once again was amazed at the clarity of this imaginary world around me.

My stomach clenched as the thought passed through my head: Was it imaginary?

I felt ridiculous for entertaining the notion, but once I did I could no longer ignore it. Was there a possibility that this was real?

Logic told me no. Common sense told me no.

The still-throbbing pain in my shin told me 'maybe'.

Could you feel pain in a hallucination?

My mind raced to find a way to determine whether or not what I was experiencing was real. I looked around again and tried to analyze the situation. If I was hallucinating, my environment would have to come from my subconscious, right? So it would be logical that I'd be somewhere I'd been before.

This place was definitely not familiar. I had never been here before… and even though I watched E.R., the hospital looked nothing like this.

And Dr. Carter was nowhere in sight.

Score one for reality.

I'd heard once that you couldn't read words in a dream. Letters were distorted or just disappeared on the page. I'd already read the placard on the wall, but I needed a better test. My eyes rested on a magazine lying on a table next to the little boy and his mother.

"Excuse me," I said to her. "May I see that magazine?"

"Of course." The woman smiled, handing it to me.

My eyes ran over the cover. Two little girls in dresses sat in high-backed wooden chairs, facing each other. One had a skein of red yarn looped around her hands and the other was winding the yarn into a ball. There were a few words on the cover and I read them easily.

Good Housekeeping. February 1918. 15 Cents.

  


But I needed a better test. Flipping through the pages, I paused on an article near the center of the magazine. A picture of a young woman wearing a white dress and a striped sash took up most of the page. I looked at the text beneath the photo and began to read.

_Why We Picketed the White House_

_By Anna Kelton Wiley_

_The struggle for the enfranchisement of women is now nearly seventy years old. Since 1848, when the first women's rights convention was held in Seneca Falls, N.Y., women have petitioned, written, interviewed, and deputized for suffrage. No effort, no expense, no sacrifice has been spared. For nearly seventy years women have traveled this country from one end to the other, from north to south, from east to west, by horse and by foot, by train and by motor, preaching the gospel of democracy._

Every printed word was crystal clear.

Score two for reality.

My heart rate had picked up significantly while I was reading, but I still wasn't convinced.

I turned again to the woman with the little boy.

"Excuse me," I said, realizing I sounded like a crazy person but not really caring. "Who is the president?"

"The president?" the woman repeated, eyeing me carefully. "Woodrow Wilson."

She gathered her son to her and moved down a few more chairs.

Woodrow Wilson. Was that right? I didn't know. Why didn't I pay more attention in history class?

I guessed there were no reality points for that one.

I eyed the woman and her son again surreptitiously, searching for familiar features. It always bugged me in the Wizard of Oz that Dorothy never realized she was dreaming. I mean, didn't the girl notice that the Scarecrow and the Tin Man looked remarkably like the guys who worked on her family's farm?

Unfortunately, since I'd arrived there I hadn't recognized anyone. Not a single person was familiar to me. I studied the faces around me… the nurse at the desk, the doctor who just walked through the room, back to the woman with the little boy, who noticed me staring and pulled her son a little closer to her.

Nope, nothing.

As I sat pondering my predicament, Tom returned and sat down next to me.

"Maggie's coming," he said, "I tried to talk her out of it, but she said something about needing to bring you a proper fitting dress. Although it looks to me like that one fits just fine, so I don't know what she's talking about."

At my silence he turned to me. "Bella, are you all right? You seem a million miles away."

I blinked twice, then looked at him carefully.

"Tom, have you ever had a dream that was so vivid you thought it was real?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Sure, who hasn't?"

"So how did you _know_ it was a dream?"

He looked at me warily. "You are one odd duck, Bella Swan." He smirked at his play on words and I rolled my eyes.

"I know, believe me," I agreed, "but bear with me. How did you know it was a dream?"

"Well, let's see," Tom considered. "First of all, you can pinch yourself, although that doesn't always work…"

I slid my hand down beside my leg and pinched my thigh… hard.

It definitely hurt. I bit my lip and rubbed my leg covertly.

"…and no matter how realistic they are, dreams don't last for very long…" he continued.

I thought about that. He was right. Usually, it's not long after you really become aware of the dream that you wake up. Thinking back through the day, I could recall every minute… not counting the time I'd been asleep. Could you sleep in dreams? And adding up the time, I realized I'd been alert for at least four or five hours.

Tom was still talking. "And then, sometimes you can control what happens. That's usually a dead giveaway."

I stared at the front door, willing Edward to walk in and take me against the wall… or maybe that nurse's desk. I eyed it speculatively. The desk would be nice. I turned back to the door, focusing all my will on Edward.

Nothing.

"Bella, are you sure you're all right? You look a little flushed."

I started, sparing one more longing gaze for the nurse's desk before turning back to Tom.

"Sure, I'm fine," I sighed. "Just tired I guess."

This was getting me nowhere. After all, it wasn't really a dream anyway. It was a hallucination. And I didn't think I could ask Tom how you could tell if you were hallucinating. He'd think I was a nut job for sure.

My frustrated thoughts were interrupted by the appearance of a pretty, blonde nurse. I slid a sideways glance at Tom. Oh yeah. He noticed she was pretty.

"Miss Swan, I can show you back now," she said politely.

I nodded and got up out of my chair. Tom stood with me.

"I'm sorry, sir," the nurse addressed Tom. "You'll have to stay here." She softened her order with a smile and Tom grinned in response.

Typical.

"Tom, why don't you go ahead and head home," I told him. "Maggie will be here soon and there's no reason for you to wait around."

"I really don't mind," he said to me, his eyes not leaving the attractive nurse. She raised her left hand to pat her hair, displaying the gold ring on her third finger.

Subtle. Nice.

Tom's face fell.

"Well, if you're sure you'll be all right," Tom turned back to me, resigned. "I'll see you back at the house."

"Okay." I smiled at him. "And thanks Tom. Really."

"Don't mention it," he replied, shooting a wave over his shoulder as he walked out the door. I squared my shoulders and followed the nurse - Nurse Patty, according to her nametag – through the doorway into a larger room.

The room was divided by four tall folding screens. In each quadrant sat a wooden exam table with a padded top and set of drawers underneath, a small table holding a lamp and various medical instruments, a large wooden cabinet, and a three-legged stool. Through another doorway to the right I could see a row of low iron beds lined up along the wall. A few were made up neatly with white sheets and blankets, but most contained huddled forms beneath the linens.

"I'm sorry about the wait," the nurse explained. "We're a bit short-handed. We've lost four nurses to the Red Cross this month. With the Russians joining up with the Kaiser, everyone knows it won't be long before our boys are fighting in the trenches. Everyone wants to do their part."

I absorbed her words silently. I remembered that World War I ended in November – after all, that's where we got Veteran's Day – but that was still eight months away. You didn't have to be a history buff to know those eight months would be difficult for everyone involved. Edward had told me once that he wanted to join the fight. I shuddered thinking about him huddled in some foxhole, and was selfishly glad that he was too young to join the army… and would never get to be old enough.

Nurse Patty led me over to one of the exam tables and asked me to sit down, then lifted my wrist and gazed down at a slim watch on her own. I watched silently. After a moment she gave me a small smile and made a note on a sheet of paper inside a manila folder. Reaching over to the table, she picked up a thermometer and ordered quietly, "Open."

I wondered about the sterility of the thermometer and thought about refusing but figured it wasn't worth it. I opened my mouth and Nurse Patty gently placed it under my tongue. She opened a door in the cabinet and pulled out a small wooden box. Opening it, she set it on the table next to me, pulling out some kind of meter connected by rubber tubing to a wide band of cloth.

She looked up at me. "I'm just going to take a blood pressure reading," she said.

She took a stethoscope out of the box, inserting the rubber ear pieces, then pushed up my sleeve and buckled the cloth cuff around my arm. I smiled to myself, thinking about how she'd react to Velcro. Holding the stethoscope to my arm with one hand, she pumped up the cuff with a rubber ball. Releasing the pressure, she listened carefully then removed the cuff and made another notation in my chart. She pulled the thermometer from my mouth and glanced at it briefly before saying, "Everything looks fine here. The doctor will be with you in a moment," and leaving the room.

I was alone in my little cordoned-off area, and I stretched a bit, trying to see around the screen. Through a small window I could see that the sun had set while I was being poked and prodded by Nurse Patty. I stood up and walked quietly to the edge of the screen, peeking around the room cautiously. Seeing no one else, I tiptoed over to the larger doorway and scanned the room with all the beds. It was relatively quiet, with only the sounds of snoring and an occasional moan piercing the air.

Then, I heard a voice, muffled… yet familiar. I turned sharply, looking toward a closed door opposite the waiting room as I heard footsteps approach.

"Watch him carefully tonight," the voice said. "If his condition worsens, we will have to operate right away."

The door opened and I braced myself, knowing, yet not really believing who would be on the other side.

Another nurse came through first, and then I saw the top of his head as he bent over a medical chart, reading as he walked.

"And this patient needs an additional two grains of quinine," he continued in his smooth, other-worldly voice.

At my sharp inhalation, startled amber eyes rose to meet my shocked brown ones.

"Carlisle!" I gasped.

And for the second time in my life, I fainted.

x-x

 

  


_Cook County Hospital Ward_

 

The sharp tang of ammonia brought me back. I opened my eyes to find Nurse Patty waving a small vial of smelling salts under my nose. I blinked and shoved her hand away grumpily.

"She's awake," Patty called out.

"Bring that light closer," I heard before being blinded as the lamp tilted to shine directly in my eyes.

"Just relax," he said quietly, pulling down my lower eyelid and, I assume, examining my pupils. He released my eyes and I squinted, bringing up a hand to block the light.

"Sorry." The light disappeared and I blinked, trying to re-focus. First, I could only make out blurred features and blonde hair, but slowly Carlisle's face emerged in my foggy vision.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked.

I stretched a little, testing myself. Someone had moved me from the floor to a bed.

"Yes," I croaked, "actually I am."

I started to sit up, then realized I was no longer wearing my dress.

"What happened?" I asked, clutching the sheet to my chest.

"You fainted," Carlisle said with a small smile. "Most likely due to the corset you were wearing. We removed the corset and _Voila_! A miraculous recovery."

I never remembered Carlisle as being so sarcastic.

"Well, thank you," I said. "I didn't want to put it back on, but my dress wouldn't fit without it."

Carlisle turned to review my chart. "I'd suggest you get one that does," he said. "Everything else looks fine, but I'd like you to stay here so we can monitor you for a little while and make sure there is nothing to be concerned about."

"Dr. Cullen?" Another doctor appeared around the side of the folding screen and Carlisle walked over to confer with him. While he was absorbed in the discussion I took a moment to gather myself and observe him.

It was shocking to see him walk into the room looking exactly the same. In fact, in his tie and long, white coat he reminded me of the first time we met in the ER at the hospital in Forks. I scanned him briefly, from his fair hair to his well-polished shoes. I knew Carlisle hadn't aged in hundreds of years, but it was so strange to see the evidence of that.

Carlisle was here.

Carlisle was _here_.

What did that mean in my whole is-this-real-or-some-magic-mushroom-induced-hallucination debate?

He's the first person I recognized, but when I considered the possibilities it did make some sense. If I really _was_ in 1918 Chicago, Carlisle belonged here. He lived and worked here. Was this a Wizard of Oz moment… or another point for reality? I couldn't decide.

I tore my eyes away from Carlisle and caught Nurse Patty looking at me with a grin.

"Handsome, isn't he?" she asked.

I blushed, "No… I mean, yes, he is… but that's not…"

She patted my shoulder indulgently. "That's all right dear. It happens all the time."

I gaped as she walked out into the waiting room and grinned when I saw Maggie almost plow her over on her way to me.

"There you are!" she exclaimed, her brogue thickened with worry. "They wouldn't tell me anything out there. Are you all right? Where's the doctor?" She searched the room before I could answer, zooming her focus in on Carlisle.

"Doctor!" she interrupted. "Please, how is Bella? Is she going to be all right?"

Carlisle opened his mouth to answer, but I called out to Maggie instead.

"Maggie, I'm fine. It's just the stupid corset."

Maggie scowled and stomped back over to my bed, a bundle of cloth under her arm. She tossed it on the bed, waving her arms in frustration.

"Of course it is!" she scolded. "I told you not to wear that thing!"

She turned back to Carlisle, who now stood on the other side of the bed. "Did you tell her to not to wear that thing?" she demanded.

Carlisle's lips twitched.

"Yes," Carlisle said in a voice that I'm sure he'd used countless times to calm hysterical women. "I did tell Miss Swan that I recommend she forego corsets in the future. She will be fine. I just would like to monitor her condition for a little while, then she will be able to go home."

"Well, good," Maggie replied, calming visibly. "That's good." She drew up the stool and sat down delicately.

"I'll just sit here with her and wait," she said firmly, daring him to disagree.

"That will be fine," Carlisle smiled.

She stood up again abruptly, "Actually, I need to… use the facilities." Maggie blushed.

I didn't think anything could make Maggie blush.

"Down that hall, first door on the left," Carlisle pointed.

Maggie nodded, assured me she would be right back, and walked down the hall.

"Have we met before?" Carlisle asked, looking at me intently.

I flinched. Could he know me? Do vampires have some kind of supernatural inter-temporal-awareness or something?

"I don't know," I said slowly. "Do I look familiar?"

I watched him carefully. He was watching me just as carefully.

"No…" he said, "but you're the one who said my name when I came into the room."

I released my tensed muscles. Of course.

"Did I?" I asked innocently. "I don't think so."

I knew he heard me. Even without his super-vamp hearing, he would have heard me. But I figured bluffing was my best option.

His golden eyes narrowed imperceptibly.

"Perhaps I was mistaken." He knew he wasn't.

"I'm sure you were." I knew he wasn't.

He sat down on the stool and flipped through my chart.

"So Miss Swan, are you from Chicago originally?"

I decided to play with him a little, "Actually, no. I'm from a small town in Washington State called Forks. Have you heard of it?"

"No," he replied simply.

"Oh, you'd like it," I continued, enjoying this a little too much. "It's very green… very rainy. The sun hardly ever shines."

"Most people like the sun," he stated.

"Yes, most people do," I said, emphasizing the 'most'. I paused, but couldn't resist adding, "Do you?"

He didn't answer for a long moment and studied me carefully. Crap! Maybe I pushed him too far.

Finally he responded, "Not particularly."

Maggie chose that moment to return to my bedside.

"Well, Doctor," she said brightly, "how's the patient?"

"Intriguing," he said under his breath, apparently for my ears only. Then more loudly he added, "I think she's fine."

He signed the chart with a flourish and announced, "You can take her home. Just burn all of her corsets. Some women are just not cut out for them."

He flashed me an enigmatic smile and swept out of the room.

"He's a strange one," Maggie declared, then picked up the bundle she'd put on the bed.

"I brought you one of my dresses," she said. "It might be a bit short, but it's looser than yours and you can fasten it without a corset."

I sat up and took the dress from her.

"Thank you, Maggie."

"Och, it's nothing," she waved off my thanks. "I'll just wait for you out here." She turned and strode into the waiting room.

I dressed quickly, glad I could dispense with the dreaded corset, and folded my too-small dress, tucking it under my arm. I walked out from behind the screen, my eyes searching the room but not spotting Carlisle anywhere. Nurse Patty told me he was in surgery but left a message that I was to come back if I had any more fainting spells. I found Maggie by the front door and together we walked out into the darkening night.

The walk home was pleasant, the air cool but with a hint of spring. Maggie and I chatted about nothing in particular. She pointed out landmarks along the way and told me about how she came to run the boarding house.

"When my Henry, God rest his soul…" My lips quirked at that and hers rose in response. "When he left, I was at loose ends. I didn't know what to do with my time, let alone how to put food on the table."

"Your husband left you with nothing?" Geez, no wonder she wanted the guy dead.

She nodded briefly. "Lucky for me, the house was my parents', left to me when they passed. I decided to let some rooms and I've been taking in boarders ever since. It suits me. It's like I have family around me all the time."

I returned her smile as we neared the house and turned to climb the steps to the front door. As she reached for the knob, a voice called out.

"Miss Swan?"

We both jumped a bit and I was surprised to see Carlisle standing at the bottom of the stairs. I glanced at Maggie, gauging her surprise _. I_ knew that Carlisle could make it from the hospital to the boarding house in the blink of an eye, but he didn't _know_ I knew that. And it was odd that he would risk such unusual behavior in front of humans.

"Dr. Cullen, what are you doing here?" I asked. "I thought you were in surgery."

"I was wondering if I could speak to you for a moment," he replied quietly.

Maggie looked back and forth between us for a moment, then her mouth split in a knowing smile.

"I'll just be inside," she said meaningfully, before going through the door and closing it behind her with a low click.

"Did you follow us?" I asked, going for suspicious but landing a little short.

"Your address was on your admission form," he admitted.

"You sure got here quickly," I marveled, strolling down the stairs slowly. "You must walk really fast."

"Who are you?" he asked brusquely. "What do you want?"

I froze on the bottom step.

"I heard you say my name before you fainted," he continued. "How do you know me? Who _are_ you?" he repeated.

I guess the time for messing with the vampire was officially over.

I took the last step down and looked at him openly, willing the honesty to show in my eyes.

"My name is Bella Swan," I replied. "I don't mean you any harm."

God. I sounded like an alien or something.

"Have we met?"

I bit my lip. "Not exactly, but I know who you are," I admitted.

"How?"

Okay, this was the tough part.

I forced myself to maintain eye contact.

"I can't really explain that," I began. He huffed, crossing his arms in frustration. "But you can trust me," I added. "I would never do anything to hurt you."

He studied me pensively for a moment. "What makes you think you could hurt me?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, I know I couldn't _hurt_ you… I meant I'd never betray you."

He considered that, then walked over and sat on the bottom step, patting the space next to him.

"You're a very unusual woman," he commented.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," I admitted.

"So, let me get this straight," he continued. "You know me, but you can't say how and won't tell me what you know _about_ me. But you want me to trust you and believe that you'd never betray me."

"Yes," I nodded.

"But how do you know you can trust me?" he asked. "Maybe _I_ can't be trusted… maybe I'd hurt _you_."

I shook my head, "Nope. That would never happen. I know that you are a good man. I know that we can be friends."

"How do you know that?" he asked, genuine curiosity coloring his voice.

"I know things," I said simply.

"You know things," he repeated.

"Yes," I decided to push him just a little more. "For example, I _know_ that you are a man who understands there are things in this world that are extraordinary… things that can not be explained by science."

His eyes widened a bit.

"I guess _I_ am one of those things," I said simply.

Once again he stared at me impassively for a long minute, then a small smile lit up his face.

Ah yes. That's the Carlisle I remember.

"You know what?" he asked, leaning back against the steps. "I think you may be right."

x-x

That night, I dreamed of Edward again.

We were lying in my bed in the boarding house as he lightly trailed a finger down between my breasts, unbuttoning my dress along the way. I writhed on the bed and he hushed me, loosening the dark tie around his neck and slowly sliding it off.

"You need to be still," he whispered, wrapping the tie around my right hand and tying it tightly before looping it through the iron headboard and trussing up my other hand.

This was new.

He continued unbuttoning my dress, sliding it apart then lowering his head to flick at my nipple with his nose through my chemise. He rubbed back and forth and blew lightly before circling it slowly with the tip of his tongue. I arched off the bed, pulling at my restraints and he grinned against my breast before taking the aching nipple into his mouth and sucking deeply.

He blew again on the damp fabric before switching to my other breast, repeating the same delicious torture. He ran a hand down my thigh, tugging my skirt up and over my hips, then stroking agonizingly slowly up one leg. He stopped just short of the point I was dying for him to touch, before moving to do the same to my other leg.

I growled and he smiled again, nibbling gently on my nipple, then increasing the pressure of his teeth and lips as he slid my panties to the side and slid in one, then two fingers. He circled them widely and I moaned, already near orgasm.

"Bella?" A feminine voice interrupted my approaching ecstasy.

 _What?_ Who the hell was that?

Edward raised his head and turned toward the door. "Go away, Alice," he growled.

"Bella? Are you in there?"

Why was Alice here? In my hot sex dream? _Before_ I got my orgasm?

Edward raised his head to me, smiling apologetically.

Then he was gone.

I looked around, even under the bed, but he had vanished. Even his tie had disappeared and I rubbed my wrists absently.

"Bella?" Alice called again.

"Alice, this had better be good," I muttered as I got up from the bed and stomped to the door flinging it open.

But I was met with only blackness.

"Bella?"

"Alice?" I shouted into the darkness. I stepped forward, my hands stretched out in front of me. Suddenly, I was at the mouth of a dark tunnel. Alice continued to call my name frantically, and I began to run toward her voice. I tripped and stumbled through the gloom, but saw no light appear ahead.

I stopped running and looked behind me, only to find that I was still standing at the entrance to the tunnel.

Alice's voice faded away.

I cried out in a hoarse voice and awoke trembling violently in a cold sweat.

I turned on the bedside lamp and left it on for the rest of the night, finally slipping into an uneasy sleep as the pink light of dawn began to filter through the sheer curtains at the window.


	5. Of Finding a Job and Formulating a Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note of clarification: I know that Twilight was published in 2005, and New Moon in 2006 but for the purposes of this story I've played with the timeline a bit. Call it artistic license, if you will. For this story, Bella's 18th birthday was September 13th, 2009… Edward and the Cullens left a short time later… Bella took part in the Spirit Walk ritual in La Push in March, 2010… and arrived in Chicago on March 11, 1918. Of course, that's assuming that this is all real and not a hallucination.

" _ **The timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness; and knows that yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream."**_

_**-Kahlil Gibran** _

**Chapter 4 – Of Finding a Job and Formulating a Plan**

Daylight found me with gritty eyes and aching bones. I guessed passing out on a hardwood floor was hard on your body. I stretched slowly, wondering what time it was.

I reflected on my odd dream of the night before, contemplating what would bring Alice to my subconscious… and why she would find it necessary to interrupt at such an inopportune moment. Shrugging inwardly, I stood and peeked out the doorway, desperately wanting to take a shower.

The hallway was quiet so I collected my clothing - or Maggie's clothing, as was the case - and made my way to the bathroom. The small black and white floor tiles were cold against my feet so I locked the door and stepped quickly onto the soft rug by the clawfoot tub. Glancing around the room, I spotted a stack of towels on a shelf by the sink and lay one next to my bundle of clothes.

The tub was large and I was glad to see a shower head and curtain suspended from a ring encircling it. I didn't mind baths when I had the time, but this morning I needed the pounding water of a shower to clear my muddled mind.

Well, it wasn't exactly pounding, but once I figured out how to work the taps the water flowed steadily. Pulling the curtain closed, I grabbed a bar of soap off a tray on the side of the tub. I sniffed it skeptically but was surprised to find the scent pleasant – a mix of lavender and vanilla. I scrubbed myself quickly then - seeing no evidence of shampoo anywhere - used the soap to wash my hair as well. Letting the warm water wash over me, I contemplated my predicament.

I couldn't deny the facts anymore. It was illogical. It was impossible. But it appeared to be the truth.

Somehow I was in Chicago in 1918. And as I finally thought the words I realized the truth of them. My crazy, drug-induced Vision Walk had landed me in the past. I didn't know how, but I had a feeling I needed to figure out why.

Obviously, it had something to do with Edward. He was the focus of everything in my life. It couldn't be a coincidence that I'd end up here, in his hometown, at this particular point in history. Carlisle was here as well and I couldn't escape the gut feeling that he was part of this also… that, as always, he could be a guiding light to help me figure out my purpose in this strange world.

The water cooled so I turned it off and briskly toweled myself dry. I frowned at my legs and decided to add a razor to my ever-growing shopping list. Did women shave their legs in 1918? I didn't care. I was going to.

Maggie had loaned me a nightgown so I was able to wash out my undergarments and stockings before I went to bed. They were still slightly damp but better than nothing. I dressed quickly, donning the gray ankle-length skirt and white button-down blouse Maggie had given me. I didn't have a comb or brush so I straightened my hair as well as I could with my fingers, pushing it back from my forehead.

Gazing into my reflection, I decided I needed a plan. If I was going to survive here and accomplish whatever it is that fate… or God… or whoever sent me here had for me to accomplish, I needed to participate in this life and become part of this world.

I needed to make a list.

Yes, I was one of those people who likes lists. They kept me organized… kept me sane. And if there was one thing I desperately needed in this situation it was to keep my sanity.

If I wasn't bonkers already, that is.

Number One: I needed money. I couldn't impose on Maggie's hospitality forever, and I needed to get some more clothes – especially underwear.

That meant Number Two: I needed a job. I considered that for a moment. I could try to find something at a restaurant or maybe Tom knew of an opening at the newspaper. I could be a gopher or assistant. I did know how to type… maybe a secretary?

Then the pieces fell into place: _We're a little short-handed._ I could work at the hospital. Not as a nurse of course, but maybe as an orderly or nurse's assistant… candy-striper… whatever they called it.

The more I thought about it, the more it made perfect sense. I could work with Carlisle. He would help me do what I needed to do.

Which led me to Number Three: I had to find Edward. He had to be the reason I was here. I didn't know what I was supposed to do when I found him, but I knew there was no way I could keep away from him.

The question was: How? Even in 1918 Chicago was a big city. I couldn't Google him. Did they have phone books yet? I knew there was a phone in the boarding house so maybe that was the way to go.

I shook myself out of my reverie. Numbers One and Two were first… once I got those figured out, I'd look for Edward. Squaring my shoulders, I fluffed my damp hair once more and left the bathroom.

The house was still quiet and the clock at the top of the stairs read 10:30. I'd slept in and missed breakfast. My stomach growled in resentment and I made my way to the kitchen, hoping to find a banana or maybe a bowl of cereal; although I realized it would probably be granola or something and not the sweet deliciousness of Captain Crunch.

I found Maggie kneading bread on a white table, her sleeves rolled up and arms dusted with flour. She looked up and smiled.

"Oh, you're up," she said. "I let you sleep in as I knew you'd be exhausted." She nodded toward a large, black stove. "I kept a plate for you on the hob. Just help yourself."

I thanked her and she turned back to her kneading. I used a towel to pick up the warm plate and took a seat at the small kitchen table. Lifting a linen napkin off the plate, I smiled at the eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast piled on it. Cholesterol, schmolesterol.

There were some things about 1918 that I liked a lot.

The kitchen was quiet as Maggie kneaded and I ate. Then finally, she slapped the dough one more time, covered it with a towel and turned to me.

She gave me a piercing look. "So, what's going on with the doctor?"

I choked on a piece of bacon and she poured me a glass of water, handing it to me silently.

"Nothing!" I said finally. "There's nothing going on!"

"That's not how it looked to me," she said skeptically. "The man followed you home. It's a bit strange, isn't it? I mean he's a fine thing - easy on the eyes, that's for sure - but what do you really know about him?"

"Really Maggie, there's nothing to worry about," I reassured her, scrambling for a believable lie. "He had written some… notes… for me and I forgot them at the hospital. He just came to give them to me and make sure I was all right." I looked away, unable to meet her inscrutable eyes.

"Mmm hmm," she murmured, unconvinced. "Well, I can't imagine a doctor taking time out of his day to do something like that… not without other motives." She looked at me pointedly. "I think he fancies you."

Eeww. I mean, I liked Carlisle but he was like… Edward's _dad_ … gross!

"Believe me, it's not like that," I stated firmly. She shrugged and turned to wash her hands, saying nothing more.

I finished eating and took my plate to the sink. Maggie shooed me away, and I could tell that she thought I was keeping something from her. I gave her a quick hug.

"Maggie, I promise if there was something going on with Dr. Cullen and me, I would tell you," I said vehemently.

She paused for a moment then offered a small smile.

"All right then. Off with you." She shooed me out, turning to the sink. "But mark my words, that man is interested in more than your medical condition."

I rolled my eyes at her and told her I'd be back shortly. She didn't ask where I was going and I was secretly glad. If she found out I was headed to the hospital I knew there would be more of the third degree, Maggie style.

The air was warm and I noticed flowers just beginning to bud along the sidewalk as I made my way back to County. I was a little nervous about what I was about to do but squared my shoulders and marched in confidently. A different nurse was at the reception desk. I waited patiently as she conferred with an older man in front of me. When he turned and sat down in the waiting area, I approached the nurse with what I hoped was a self-assured smile.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied. "My name is Bella Swan. I was here last night and heard that you are currently understaffed. I am looking for work and was hoping to speak to someone about a position."

The woman smiled and asked me to wait, then left the room only to return a short time later accompanied by an older nurse carrying a folder and a pencil. She was tall and thin - almost brittle-looking - but her blue eyes were clear and caring.

"Miss Swan? I am Katherine Chambers," she introduced herself with a smile. "I am in charge of the nursing staff here. I understand you would like to apply for a position?"

I faltered a bit. "Well, not as a nurse, I don't think," I stammered. "I'm afraid I don't have any experience or schooling for that." The older nurse's face fell a bit and I rushed to continue. "But I could learn. Maybe I could be an assistant or an orderly? I could clean up… change sheets… that kind of thing. I just really need a job, and I would like to work here if it's possible."

"Why?" the nurse asked simply.

Well, I couldn't tell her the real reason. _Because my vampire boyfriend's vampire dad works here and I need his help to find said vampire boyfriend, except he's not a vampire yet and he's really not my boyfriend anymore since he left me a hundred years from now._

It didn't exactly roll off the tongue.

"I'd… um… like to help people?" I asked more than said, then tried for confidence again. "I'd just really like to be in a position to do something positive and I think this would be a good start."

Katherine Chambers eyed me carefully for a moment, chewing on her pencil before she asked simply, "Can you work nights?"

I smiled. "That would be perfect."

Nurse Chambers led me into her small office and we sat across a wooden desk to iron out the details. I would work from 6:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m., Monday through Thursday, and earn fifty cents an hour. Twenty-four dollars a week. Wow. Well, the good news was that income tax withholding hadn't been created yet. In fact, Nurse Chambers looked at me a little funny when I brought it up.

I'd be given two uniforms, the cost of which would be deducted from my first three paychecks. Three dollars a piece – Two dollars per paycheck… plus five dollars a week to Maggie. That left me about seventeen dollars a week.

The bad news was that I wouldn't be paid until the end of the week, and I really needed underwear… and a razor… and my own clothes to wear in my off hours.

"Nurse Chambers," I began carefully, "I was wondering if there were any chance I could get a small advance on my pay?" Her mouth turned down in a tight frown so I continued before she could refuse me. "You see, I'm new in town and my bags were… stolen. I have no extra clothes and my landlady has been helping me out, but I hate to impose…"

The older woman held up a hand to interrupt me. "If you can start tonight, I'll give you tonight's pay at the end of your shift," she said. "The rest will have to wait until Friday."

"Thank you," I breathed with a large smile. I could make it until tomorrow. I could _do_ this.

Nurse Chambers walked me out, introducing me to a few doctors on the way.

"Of course since you'll be working the night shift, you'll be working mainly with Dr. Cullen," she explained. "You met him last night, correct?"

"Yes." I smiled. "I know Dr. Cullen."

"Good." She nodded firmly. "Nurse Patty will begin your training. Be here promptly at six." She shook my hand firmly and walked back to her office. I nearly skipped out the door.

Job: Check.

Money: Check.

Carlisle: Check.

Edward: Still working on that one, but I had a feeling I was getting closer.

x-x

Knowing I would be up all night, I tried to take a nap in the afternoon but my excitement had me tossing and turning. I don't know why I was so keyed up. Maybe it was just the fact that I was doing _something_. Whether or not I knew the purpose of my trip here, I was embracing it. I was looking for answers.

I finally gave up on sleep and put on my new uniform, smoothing the light gray skirt and white blouse and folding the new white apron over my arm. No cute cap though. I was a little bummed about that.

Instead I wrapped my hair up into a bun and fastened it with pins before putting on my wide-brimmed hat. With a triumphant grin, I left the room and walked down the stairs.

Surprisingly, Maggie was thrilled at my new-found employment. I half expected her to give me a bunch of grief about Carlisle, but she was unexpectedly silent on the subject. Instead, she made a thermos of strong coffee and a ham sandwich from the dinner leftovers and told me to have a good night.

Tom wanted to walk me to work but I assured him I would be fine. I was glad it was warm as I didn't have a coat yet – one more thing to add to my shopping list.

The sun was low in the sky but still shed enough light for me to be comfortable as I walked toward the hospital. As I neared the front door, it began to sink below the horizon and once again I thought of Edward.

Was he watching the same sunset right now?

I pulled the door open and found Nurse Patty talking to a dark-haired nurse at the reception desk.

"Bella! Good to see you," she called. Smiling, she added, "I was so glad to hear you'd be joining us."

She turned and gestured to the other nurse, "This is Olivia. There are six nurses who will be working the night shift but Olivia and I will be the ones you'll be assisting."

I nodded and followed her as she led me through the examination area and into the large room lined by beds that I had seen the night before. She pointed to a coat rack and I removed my hat, hanging it on one of the hooks. I set my coffee and sandwich out of the way on a small shelf. Tying on my apron, I followed her to a rumpled bed.

"All of the linens in this room need to be changed," she instructed. "You'll find clean linens in those cabinets, and the soiled ones go in the basket over there." I followed her over to the far wall where a large wheeled basket was tucked in a corner.

"You can roll the basket down the hall. You won't have to wash the sheets. Just bundle them up tightly and leave the bundles by the back door. We have a laundry woman who will come and get them."

I nodded and looked back into the ward. "What about the beds with patients in them?"

"It's a little tricky," Patty admitted. "Come on I'll show you."

She approached one of the beds.

"Mr. Jamison, I'll need to change your linens now," she said, then turned to me.

"You just need to roll them to one side, push the linens over, then put the new ones on…" She demonstrated efficiently as she spoke. "…then roll them to the other side, pull off the soiled sheets and tuck in the new ones."

She made it look so easy.

"All right." I nodded. "I think I can do that."

It was a little harder than it looked, but after the third bed I had the system down pretty well. Still, there were 40 beds in the room, so it took me several hours to get all the sheets changed and bundled up neatly by the back door. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and tucked back a wayward tendril of hair as I sought out Patty for my next assignment.

"Miss Swan?" I turned to see Carlisle approaching me, taking in my disheveled appearance and my uniform. "You're working here?" he asked, sounding confused.

"Yes." I smiled. "Patty mentioned you needed some help around here. I needed a job… so here I am."

"Oh, well… that's…" he seemed to be looking for the right word, "…good news. How has it been going so far?"

"Fine." I swept the room with a hand. "I just finished changing all the sheets. Making my mark on the world one bed at a time," I said wryly.

Carlisle grinned. "Well, we all do what we can." He looked around then asked, "What are you doing now?"

"I don't really know," I admitted. "I was just looking for Patty when you came in."

"I believe she's assisting in an emergency surgery right now… appendix," he explained. "So why don't you come with me? I could use your help for a bit."

I grabbed my thermos, tucked my sandwich into my skirt pocket, and walked with him up a flight of stairs through another large ward. Only a handful of beds were occupied, all by pregnant women.

"This is the maternity ward," he explained, pointing into an adjoining room. "The nursery is in there."

I nodded and continued to follow him down another short hallway and into a large office. To my left sat a beautiful wooden desk with a red leather chair, as well as a row of filing cabinets. The other side of the room was a laboratory with beakers, Bunsen burners, test tubes, and a device I could recognize as a microscope - as well as some other instruments I couldn't recognize - lined up neatly on a metal table.

"This is my office… and laboratory, obviously," Carlisle explained. "It's where I do my research."

"Research?"

"Infectious diseases, mostly," he explained. "I work nights and generally it's pretty quiet around here. I spend a lot of my time studying. I'm trying to find new treatments for influenza."

My ears perked up. "Influenza?"

"Yes," Carlisle said, visibly excited by being able to share his thoughts. He walked over and perched on the edge of the desk.

"You see, for years we've believed influenza is caused by a bacterium. That's actually how it got its name. But I believe it's something else."

"What?" I asked, my face impassive.

"A virus," he replied, reaching out to pick up a piece of paper off his desk. "I've been corresponding with a colleague of mine at Harvard University and he thinks my research may have merit. If it _is_ a virus, then our approach at treating it has to be completely different."

He paused, lost in thought, then turned to me sheepishly.

"I'm sorry. I'm boring you. That's not why I asked you to come in here."

I cleared my throat, aching to tell him he was on the right track about the virus, but wondering what impact that would have on the future. What did I know about viruses anyway? I could end up really steering him off track. Then what if nobody ever invented the flu shot?

Geez, this time travel stuff was complicated.

"What is it you need?" I inquired instead.

He picked up a pile of papers from his desk.

"Filing," he said, standing up and waving me over. I approached the desk, looking over his shoulder.

"These are patient records. The name is stamped in the upper left corner." He walked to the filing cabinets, sliding a drawer open. "Each just needs to go in the appropriate file… just put it in the front."

He turned to another stack.

"These are my research notes… letters and correspondence from colleagues… articles from medical journals." He pointed to another cabinet. "They go in that cabinet. Each folder is clearly labeled by category. It should be relatively simple, but if you're not sure where something should go, just set it aside and we'll go over it later."

I looked around at everything, absorbing the instructions, and nodded at him with a smile. "No problem."

He hesitated like he was going to say something else, then rose and strode to the door.

"I'll leave you to it then. When Patty returns, I'll let her know where you are."

He stepped through the doorway, then poked his head back in. "I'll be back to check on you in a little while."

"Okay," I agreed, rolling my eyes when he didn't leave right away. "I'll be fine," I assured him.

Carlisle returned to the ward and I focused on the work at hand. I sipped from my thermos, organizing the paperwork alphabetically before moving to the filing cabinet. It was mindless… really monotonous… but I welcomed the task and was surprised when Carlisle popped his head back in and asked me how I was doing.

"Fine," I said with a loud breath. "I'm done with the patient charts, and about halfway through the research."

"You should really take a break," he said. "Have something to eat and you can finish later. Come on, follow me."

I set the papers I was holding back on the desk, and Carlisle led me into a small room with a wooden table and chairs, motioning for me to sit down. I pulled my sandwich out of my pocket, suddenly ravenous.

To my surprise, Carlisle sat down across from me.

"Don't you have something you have to do?" I asked. Then, realizing how rude I sounded, I added, "I mean, you don't have to babysit me. I'm sure you're really busy."

Carlisle's lips quirked. "I have a spare moment. I thought we could talk."

Uh oh. That didn't sound good.

I took a bite of my sandwich. "About what?" I mumbled through the meat and bread.

Carlisle frowned a bit distastefully and I couldn't resist asking him if he wanted a bite.

"No, thank you," he said firmly.

Sometimes it was really fun messing with a vampire… at least when you were sure he wasn't going to kill you.

I continued to chew carefully, avoiding Carlisle's intense gaze. He examined me silently for a moment and I squirmed.

"What is it?" I asked finally, huffing loudly.

Carlisle tented his hands in front of his mouth, his topaz gaze piercing.

"I was thinking about what you told me last night… about how you _know_ things."

I swallowed. "Yes?"

"And I was thinking I'd like to hear a little more about what you _know_."

"You'll have to be a bit more specific," I stalled.

"About me."

"About you?"

"Yes."

"Well…" I set my sandwich down, my stomach churning. "I know you're an excellent doctor…"

He smiled at my flattery. "That's not what I mean, and you know it."

I swallowed dryly. "Ummm… You were born in England… and you're on the right track about the influenza virus," I blurted. Maybe I could distract him.

I couldn't. His gaze sharpened.

"How did you know I was born in England?"

I looked away from him, drawing a deep breath. How much could I tell him? How much _should_ I tell him? The fact was I knew I could trust Carlisle, but I _didn't_ know what impact anything I did or said could have on the future.

I mean, I saw The Butterfly Effect. Ashton Kutcher made one little change in the timeline and Amy Smart went from Sorority Girl to Crack Whore.

I didn't want to turn Carlisle into a Crack Whore.

"Look, Car… Dr. Cullen… I can't really tell you what you want to hear." He started to respond and I held up a hand.

"Think of it this way," I explained, searching my brain for a relevant example.

"The Kaiser is a bad guy, right?" I asked finally. Carlisle smirked in agreement but said nothing, so I continued. "Well, imagine you were a kid growing up with the guy who would one day be the Kaiser. You knew he was going to do all this bad stuff when he grew up. Would you stop him?"

"I don't know," he replied.

"Okay, well let's say you did stop him somehow. You got him kicked out of school for cheating or…"

"He's a prince. I don't think he went to a traditional school," Carlisle interrupted with a grin.

I scowled at him. "Just stay with me please. I'm trying to make a point." I held up my palm as I thought. "Maybe you became a kind and understanding friend so he never felt the need to declare war on anyone, okay?" I amended.

Carlisle shrugged at my ridiculous analogy.

"So the war doesn't happen… that's a good thing, right?"

"Of course."

"Well, maybe because the war never happens, some private somewhere isn't killed in battle… also a good thing, right?"

He nodded.

"Okay." I was on a roll now. "So maybe that private, who didn't die, ends up driving down the road one evening - and he's had a beer or two - and he hits and kills a little boy who one day would have grown up and invented a vaccine for polio."

Carlisle was silent and I looked at him intently.

"I can't make that kind of choice," I stressed. "I _can't_ tell you everything you want to hear," I said again. "But you can trust me. I will not betray you."

Although the words were not said out loud, we both knew what I meant.

"I believe you," he replied.

x-x

The rest of the night passed in relative peace. I finished the filing in Carlisle's office, then Patty had me organize medical supplies in a large storage room in the basement of the hospital. Finally, just as I was about to enter yawning into my last hour of work, Carlisle once again tracked me down.

"Bella, I could use your help upstairs, right now."

"Is something wrong?" I brushed my hands off on my apron, hurrying to the door and shutting off the storeroom light.

"I have a patient upstairs with a dislocated shoulder and a large cut that needs stitches," he explained as we stepped quickly up the stairs. "All of the nurses are occupied at the moment, so I thought you could assist me."

"I don't really have any experience with that," I said nervously, worried I'd pass out… or throw up… or something equally embarrassing.

"It's all right. Just do what I say and everything will be fine," he reassured me.

A middle-aged man in a plaid flannel shirt and heavy trousers sat on one of the exam tables, his booted feet dangling off the end. He cradled his left arm against his chest, his face contorted in pain.

"Mr. Jackson?" Carlisle approached the man.

"Hurts like a son-of-a…." he spotted me and broke off. "It hurts," he repeated.

"Well, I'm afraid it's going to get worse before it gets better," Carlisle admitted. He turned to me and said quietly, "Distract him."

Flustered, I stood on the other side of the table.

"Ummm… I'm Bella," I said. Carlisle rolled his eyes at me and I shrugged.

The man looked up at me. "Henry Jackson."

"How'd you do this, Mr. Jackson?" I asked as Carlisle gently extended the man's left arm.

He grit his teeth. "I was up hunting this weekend. Just got back yesterday."

Carlisle shot me a glance and I nodded. He pressed a hand on the man's shoulder and I heard a muffled 'pop.'

"Oohh," Jackson exhaled, "that's it."

"Better?" Carlisle smiled.

"Yes, so much better."

I arched an eyebrow at Carlisle and he met my gaze. I had seen doctors reset dislocated shoulders before, and it took a lot of strength. Carlisle had barely pushed on the man's shoulder with his fingertips. I knew he was purposely letting me see his power. He wanted to see my reaction.

So I didn't give him one. Instead I turned back to Mr. Jackson.

"You've been like this since yesterday?"

"Well, no," he admitted sheepishly. "Truth is, I hurt my shoulder today while I was unloading my truck. I lost my balance and slammed into the side of my house."

"And this?" I pointed to the gash on his arm.

"That happened up in the mountains. Friend wrapped it up real good and I thought I'd be fine, but it started aching terribly last night. Then when I fell today I tore it open again."

Carlisle peered at the wound. "Actually, it doesn't look too bad. I'll need to clean it and stitch it up, but you should be fine."

He turned to me. "Bella, there is some alcohol in the cabinet behind you. Could you hand that to me? And there should be a basin and some cloths in there as well."

I opened the cabinet and retrieved the items. Carlisle poured some alcohol into the basin and proceeded to treat the man's wound. He stitched it with a needle and thread, clipping the end neatly before telling me to wrap it with gauze. I breathed through my mouth and avoided watching Carlisle make his stitches, but surprisingly I felt no queasiness as I followed Carlisle's instructions.

"That should do it," Carlisle said finally. "Just keep it clean. Change the dressing daily, and no hunting for a while," he added.

"Damn." He glanced at me. "Sorry… it's just that I heard the pheasant are great up north right now. I was hoping to get me a couple this weekend."

"Sorry about that." Carlisle made a note in his chart.

"You like to hunt, Doc?"

A burst of laughter escaped my lips before I could stop it. Slapping my hand to my mouth, I looked first to Mr. Jackson - who was staring at me, aghast - then over to Carlisle, who was fighting a laugh himself.

"Sorry," I croaked. "I was thinking about something… funny."

Carlisle smirked, turning back toward Mr. Jackson. "Yes, I like to hunt on occasion." He shot me a quick glance. "Mostly big game."

I had to turn my back and bite my lip to keep from laughing.

I guess vampires liked to mess with humans a bit too.

x-x

Before I ended my shift for the morning, I revisited Carlisle's office on the pretense that I had left my thermos inside. I quickly walked to his desk and picked up the book I had spotted earlier… the book I had picked up several times through the night, but just then worked up the courage to open.

_1918 Directory of Chicago and Surrounding Areas_

Holding my breath, I flipped through to the M's. It actually took no time at all to find what I was looking for halfway down the page.

_Masen, Mr. & Mrs. Edward A. Sr., 141 N. Lakeview Ave._

I let my breath out slowly, grabbed a slip of paper from the trash can, and copied down the information.


	6. Of Hanging Up and Hunting Down

_The Tiffany Dome at Marshall Field's_

" _ **We have what we seek, it is there all the time, and if we give it time, it will make itself known to us."**_

_**\- Thomas Merton** _

**Chapter 5 – Of Hanging Up and Hunting Down**

True to her word, Katherine Chambers had an envelope waiting for me at the reception desk when I left work Wednesday morning, containing a check for a whopping six bucks. So Wednesday afternoon, with Tom as my guide, I set out for the Chicago National Bank. I only had three hours until I had to report to the hospital, but I figured it was enough time to cash my check and get some new clothes, as well as the other things I needed. I wasn't really a marathon shopper anyway.

More like a sprint kind of girl.

"You really don't have to go with me," I told Tom for the hundredth time.

But he would not be dissuaded.

"Bella, I don't want you to get lost." He rolled his eyes. I knew he thought I was going to freak out and end up lying in the street again.

"I'll just take you to the bank then over to Marshall Field's so you know the way," he assured me. "Then I have to get back to the newspaper anyway. It's not like I want to watch you try on dresses or anything."

I smirked at him and said saucily, "Like I would let you anyway."

Once we moved past the whole possibility of a romantic relationship, Tom and I found we liked each other quite a lot. He was sweet and thoughtful… and he actually found me hilarious. It was strange to think we'd actually only known each other a few days. Sometimes it felt like we'd grown up together.

So we walked the few blocks to the streetcar stop and rode to the front steps of the bank. Jumping off as the streetcar slowed, Tom held out a hand and helped me down, grinning when I stumbled into his chest.

"Easy now," he chuckled.

"Shut up," I countered.

It was easier than I thought it would be to convert the hospital check to cash. Tom knew one of the tellers - a tall, thin brunette who blushed when he smiled at her. To my surprise, she didn't even ask for I.D. - which was lucky since I didn't have any.

It was a short walk from the bank to Marshall Field's, and once I took in the twelve story building I began to rethink my sprint shopping plan. The place was huge. Tom took in my awed expression with a smirk, holding the door open with a gesture for me to enter. I closed my gaping mouth with a snap and walked inside.

Closing my mouth was a waste of energy, because once I saw the interior of the department store, it just drifted open again. Tom stood by my side watching my reaction.

"It's… amazing," I breathed, feeling a little ridiculous for responding this way to a store but unable to help myself.

Tom took in the view, following my gaze up the four floors of open white balconies to the glittering dome over our heads.

 

  


  


"It's the Tiffany Dome," he explained. "Six-thousand square feet of mosaic glass – the largest of its kind with more than one and half million pieces of glass." He looked down at me. "You like it?"

I shot him an amused glance. "What's not to like?" I took a few steps forward, then once again looked up to examine the twisting patterns of blues and greens, the loops and swirls of browns and golds. At the base of the dome, curved archways scalloped along the top of the uppermost balcony. Shoppers passed by, my eyes only slightly catching them as they moved through the archways.

I was no architectural expert – but this was impressive.

"May I help you?" A young woman dressed in white lace stood gazing at me expectantly, her eyes flicking from me to Tom and back again.

Tom shot her one of his charming grins. "Actually, I have to get back to work, but my friend here has some shopping to do." Turning to me, his expression morphed to one of concern.

"Are you sure you can find your way back?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course. I'll be fine." On impulse, I stretched up on my toes and kissed his cheek lightly.

"Thanks, Tom. Really."

Tom touched his cheek, then smiled and wished me good luck before turning and walking out the door.

The salesgirl turned to me, her eyes still lingering on Tom's retreating form. "So, what can I help you find?"

I told the young woman what I was looking for, and for the next hour she led me on a whirlwind tour through the department store. I couldn't help thinking about how much Alice would have loved the place. It was twelve floors of just about anything you could imagine. In addition to the usual clothing departments, it had a millinery shop, shoe department, housewares – even a department devoted solely to wicker furniture.

Say what you want about turn-of-the-century America, but they sure knew how to shop.

By the time I was done I had two skirts, two blouses, a casual dress, extra stockings and undergarments, a rather frightening-looking razor, shampoo, a hairbrush, toothbrush and something called 'dental cream'. I hesitated at that, but it was made by Colgate and said it contained fluoride so I thought I'd give it a shot. All that and I still had 25 cents left over. I had wanted to buy a coat but would have to wait until my next paycheck.

Thanking the salesgirl for her help, I clutched my purchases in both hands and pushed my way back out onto the street. I only had half an hour until I had to be back at the hospital, so I didn't have time to drop my bags at the boarding house. Fortunately I had brought my uniform with me, tucked in a canvas satchel on loan from Maggie.

As I stood waiting for the streetcar, my gaze wandered over the city streets, looking at nothing in particular.

Then I saw it.

At first I thought I imagined the tall slender frame topped by the tousled shock of bronze hair. It dipped into my vision, then was quickly obscured by the passing crowd. Without realizing it, I took several steps toward the departing figure, my eyes scanning the crowd frantically. I held my breath, hoping for another glimpse.

_There._

My steps faltered then quickened as I pursued him through the crowd. I didn't see his face, but somehow I knew it was him. Dodging between bodies, I was nearly running while trying to keep that mass of hair in my vision.

"Excuse me," I muttered distractedly, bumping elbows and shoulders. It seemed like everyone around me was going the opposite direction. I pushed my way through the teeming throng and finally emerged onto an empty street corner in time to see him turn the corner one block down.

I raced down the street, ignoring questioning glances and narrowly sidestepping a young man pushing a cart full of vegetables. My chest heaved with panicked breaths as I neared the corner.

What would I say to him? I had absolutely no idea.

I rounded the corner and stopped short.

He was gone.

My searching eyes darted up and down the street, aching for him to re-enter my sight. I ran down to the next corner, quickly looking down that street as well, but he was nowhere to be found.

I nearly collapsed in tears right there on the sidewalk.

Instead, I steadied myself and walked back to the streetcar stop. I was so close, and my heart fell at the knowledge that he had been almost within my reach.

Still, part of me was glad that I didn't catch up to him… the part of me that held onto his address, but delayed seeking it out.

Because I knew he was here, and I knew where to find him.

I just wasn't sure what to do when I did.

x-x

Despite my crazy detour down Chicago's streets, I managed to make it to the hospital with five minutes to spare. Stowing my purchases in the basement storage room, I quickly changed into my uniform and presented myself to Patty at the reception desk.

"Good evening, Bella," she said with a distracted smile, reading a file in front of her. "Could you get started on the sheets? I'll be with you in a moment."

I nodded my consent and once again began the pull-tuck-roll of changing the bed linens. I'd gotten quicker at the task, able to maintain a steady rhythm, and found that it took me half the time as the night before.

As I tied the last bundle, tossing it on the pile by the back door, Patty approached me.

"Bella, Mrs. Chambers asked me to inform you that you've been reassigned," she said.

"Reassigned?"

"Yes, we've hired another woman who'll be taking on the cleaning tasks in the ward."

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked, biting my lip in concern.

Patty smiled. "No. Nothing like that," she reassured me. "But I understand Dr. Cullen is in need of assistance with his research. He told Mrs. Chambers that you are familiar with his filing system so he asked that you help him."

"But I don't know anything about medical research," I argued, confused.

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth," Patty admonished. "This means no more bed pans for you – and you get to work with a handsome doctor every night." If she wasn't happily engaged, I would swear she sounded just a little jealous.

"Well, all right," I consented. "What should I do first?"

"Dr. Cullen is in surgery at the moment," she explained. "But he said to go ahead and get started on the filing on his desk and he'd check in when he's finished."

The filing job was more of the same, and again I found that I was able to work faster now that I knew the system. Carlisle joined me after about an hour and I looked up with a questioning glance.

"Dr. Cullen, I understand I'm going to be working with you from now on?"

Carlisle smiled. "Bella, I think we're beyond the formalities now. Please call me Carlisle, at least when we're alone."

"Carlisle then," I agreed. "Why am I here? We both know there's not _that_ much filing to do."

Carlisle rounded the desk and sat down in the leather chair. Leaning forward with his elbows on the desk and his lips pressed to his tented hands, he regarded me carefully.

"I'm afraid I've acted a bit selfishly," he admitted. "But when I heard what you said this morning, I thought you might be able to help me."

"What I said? About what?" I played dumb, knowing exactly what.

"About the influenza virus."

Me and my big mouth. Carlisle was going to become a crack whore for sure… and it would be all my fault.

"I really don't know how I can help you with that," I said, looking away from those piercing topaz eyes. "I don't have any medical training. And I really don't know anything about viruses."

Carlisle considered that. "You said I was on the right track."

I sighed. "Yes, I did say that."

"How do you know?"

I rolled my eyes and he held up a hand. "I know. I know… you can't tell me. Still, I would like your help."

He stood and walked over to his laboratory equipment.

"I always work alone." He flashed me a glance then returned his gaze to a row of beakers. "There isn't usually anyone else I can trust. When I work, I often become quite absorbed and not as… careful as I should be. My… methods… are sometimes unorthodox and make people… uncomfortable."

Carlisle wouldn't look me in the eye, and it took me a moment to read between the lines.

Carlisle was lonely. He isolated himself because… well, for obvious reasons. He couldn't get too close to people or they'd begin to suspect he was something more than human. He did a good job of faking humanity, but he had to always be on guard. With me however, he felt he could be himself - at least to a certain degree.

He trusted me.

We'd never said the words out loud - as Edward had forced me to that day in the woods. I didn't… and wouldn't… come out and tell him I knew he was a vampire. For some reason, I felt I shouldn't. Whether it was my fear of destroying the timeline or just an invisible line I felt I shouldn't cross, I wasn't sure.

But he understood that I knew he was different. And he understood that I was okay with that.

And somehow, that was enough.

"All right," I accepted. "Where do we start?"

Carlisle turned to me, a wide grin splitting his face.

"Tell me what you know about the virus," he said.

"Carlisle," I groaned, "you know I can't do that."

"Why not?" he asked. "I swear it will be kept between us."

I looked at him steadily. "You're not the one who is supposed to solve this."

He deliberated on that for a moment, eyeing me carefully as he prepared his argument.

"I'm not the first one to consider the possibility of an influenza virus," he stated. "In fact, there are quite a few researchers who are putting forth the theory, several of whom I consult with regularly. How do you know that I'm not supposed to encourage one of them… and that _that_ person is supposed to solve it?"

I didn't. Not really. I had no freaking clue.

I hesitated and saw the hint of a smile tug at Carlisle's lips.

"Bella, listen to me," he said. "As I'm sure you're aware, I have no desire to attract any… unwanted attention to myself. I'm not trying to find a cure for influenza so I can publish an article in a medical journal and become famous. But I believe you and I met for a reason, and how do you know that helping me with my research isn't that reason?"

Crap. He had me there.

"Okay," I finally relented. "I'll tell you what I know - but I've got to warn you it isn't much."

We spent the rest of the night with Carlisle picking my brain and me trying to recall bits and pieces of facts from high school biology and health reports on TV. By six a.m. I had a headache and a growling stomach since I didn't bring lunch due to my shopping trip.

Carlisle's eyebrows shot up at the sounds emerging from my mid-section, and he grinned at me sheepishly.

"I'm so sorry," he apologized. "I've been interrogating you all night and you haven't had a break. You must be starving." He reached for his coat with one hand, the door with the other.

"Let me walk you home," he said quickly. "We can stop on the way for something to eat."

I arched an eyebrow at him and he added, "Something for _you_ to eat. I'm not hungry."

I snickered.

He followed me downstairs to retrieve my Marshall Field's bags, taking all three in one hand. I would have argued that I could carry them myself, but I knew the weight was nothing to him.

"You don't have to walk me home, you know," I told him as we walked back up the stairs. "I'll be fine. It'll be light soon," I said - both in assurance and in warning.

He slid a sideways glance my way. "Not for another hour. We have plenty of time."

We stopped at a bakery a block away and Carlisle insisted on buying me a sweet roll and milk. I would have rather had coffee, but knew I would never be able to get to sleep if I gave in to my caffeine cravings. I munched my roll as we made our way to the boarding house and Carlisle and I shared a comfortable quiet.

As we neared the front steps, I noticed the sky lightening with the dawn and turned to Carlisle. He seemed lost in thought.

"Thanks for walking me home."

He blinked, then turned to me and nodded. "Of course. Thank you for all your help."

I smiled and walked up the steps. When I turned around with my hand on the doorknob, he was gone.

x-x

I was able to sleep longer on Thursday, noticing as I stretched that the clock on the bed table read four o'clock. I rose refreshed after a dreamless, uninterrupted sleep. I had showered before going to bed so I just splashed some water on my face, brushed my teeth, and dressed quickly, twisting my hair up into a knot.

I found Maggie in the kitchen, popping a tray of biscuits into the oven.

"Good morning… I mean, evening." I smiled at her and sat down at the kitchen table.

"Good evening to you," Maggie replied, stirring a pot of delicious-smelling stew on the stovetop. "Supper will be ready in about an hour. Can you wait?"

"Sure." I inhaled deeply. "It smells wonderful."

.

"My grandmother's recipe," she remarked, setting down her wooden spoon and joining me at the table.

"So, are you enjoying your new job?" she asked.

"Yes, actually. Everyone at the hospital is very nice and the work is… rewarding."

"And that handsome young doctor?"

Young? If she only knew.

"Dr. Cullen is fine," I said pointedly. "He's been a very good friend to me." I emphasized the word 'friend.'

"Hmmph," Maggie grunted. "I don't think friendship's what's on that man's mind."

"Maggie, we work together. He's my boss. We're friends… colleagues… and that is all."

"If you say so," she relented skeptically.

We chatted amiably for the next few minutes, the subject of Carlisle dropped - at least for the moment. After a bowl of stew and a couple of biscuits, I filled my thermos with coffee, grabbed an apple and some cheese from the icebox for lunch, and set out for the hospital.

The night proceeded much like the previous one, with Carlisle peppering me with questions, many of which I had no answer for. A few times I caught him staring at me, and Maggie's comments about his intentions snuck into my mind. I decided I had to be careful and not give him the wrong impression about our relationship.

Around midnight we took a break and I munched on my apple and cheese while we talked about books and music, and I subtly questioned Carlisle about the world of 1918.

"So what do people do for fun around here?" I asked, nibbling on my cheese.

"Well, the usual." Carlisle shrugged. "Moving pictures, dancing, vaudeville shows are still popular with some… the skating rink."

"Do you skate?" I asked, smirking a little at the thought of suave, sophisticated Carlisle on wheels.

"I'll have you know I'm an excellent skater." Carlisle grinned. "Maybe we'll go one day."

I glanced at him and noticed he seemed… anxious.

Crap. Was he asking me out?

I opted for humor to dispel the awkwardness.

"Believe me, you don't want to see me on skates," I joked. "It's not a pretty sight."

"I doubt that," Carlisle said quietly.

A knock at the door interrupted our conversation and I surreptitiously breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yes?" Carlisle called.

"Dr. Cullen?" Patty popped her head through the door. "There's a telephone call for you. A Dr. Kelley from New York?"

"Oh, yes." Carlisle nodded. "I'll use the telephone in here. Could you please tell him I'll ring him back in a few minutes?"

Patty nodded and left the room.

"Dr. Kelley is one of the colleagues I told you about," Carlisle explained. "He and I have been corresponding and sharing our research findings."

I glanced at the phone on his desk. It was one of those you'd see in old Hollywood movies, with a narrow handset resting on a delicate cradle. The earpiece was flat and round, but the mouthpiece wrapped around like a curved cone. I pictured a glamorous woman lounging on her bed, speaking to her lover on it.

" _Yes, Dahling…"_

It looked way too feminine for a man like Carlisle to use. I noticed it didn't have a dial and wondered how you made a call. Before I could ask, Carlisle picked up the handset and after a moment spoke into it slowly and clearly.

"New York City, please. Dr. Jonathan Kelley, New York Hospital. 1-5-6-2."

I watched as Carlisle waited for his call to connect, wondering if I should excuse myself and give him some privacy. I stood and motioned to the door but he waved me off, pointing to the chair. I sat down and flipped through some of the papers on his desk, separating them into piles for filing.

"Jon! How are you?" Carlisle paused, listening. "Fine, just fine. Can't complain… I've been exploring some new resources and may be on to something, I think." He glanced at me with a grin, then his attention was drawn back to the phone and he frowned in concentration.

"When was this…? Where in Kansas…? Fort Riley, isn't that a military base…? Mm hmm… Queens…? Do you think it is the same strain?" He jotted some notes down on his notepad. "If the symptoms are the same, we could be looking at a pandemic… No, I don't think I'm overreacting, I think I'm being cautious…. Yes… yes… Who was the treating physician?"

The conversation continued for several minutes, but I was lost in my own thoughts. Fort Riley rang a bell in my mind, and it took a moment for me to figure out why.

After Edward left and took every token of our relationship with him, I found myself spending hours on the Internet researching events of his history. I knew it was pathetic, but I guess it was my way of proving that he was real… and in turn, that what we had was real. I read about World War I, knowing that he had wanted to enlist and fight. I Googled pictures of turn-of-the-century Chicago, imagining him walking the city streets. And I researched Spanish Influenza, the disease that would have claimed his life if Carlisle hadn't intervened.

Fort Riley, Kansas was a name that I came across in my research.

I glanced at the wall calendar, and remembered the timeline I had all but memorized.

In early March of 1918, a soldier in Fort Riley, Kansas came down with a particularly virulent strain of influenza. About a week later, another case in New York was reported.

They would one day be marked as the first cases of the 1918 Spanish Influenza pandemic in the United States.

It had started.

I noticed Carlisle watching me intently as he wrapped up his phone call and hung up.

"What is it?" he asked. "You're pale as a ghost."

"You're one to talk," I joked half-heartedly.

Carlisle's lips quirked, but he pressed on. "What is it?"

I exhaled heavily. "Fort Riley… and Queens… it's influenza, isn't it?"

Carlisle's eyes narrowed. "Yes, how did you know?"

I rolled my eyes at him and he held up a hand. "Never mind."

He eyed me closely, standing to walk around the desk. He perched on the edge in front of me.

"This is just the beginning, isn't it?" he asked.

I looked away, afraid to confirm it but knowing that I already had.

"What can I do?"

My eyes returned to his, my sigh one of both frustration and surrender.

"Not a thing," I said quietly.

x-x

The rest of the night was spent in relative silence and melancholy. I knew the statistics about the Spanish Flu. I knew that thousands would die before the year was out.

Edward would die, for all intents and purposes.

The virus would sweep through Chicago – I knew in just one day in October more than 350 people would succumb to it. It was aggressive, uncompromising… indiscriminate in choosing its victims. The old and the young, weak and the strong… all would fall victim and no one would be able to figure out how to stop it.

The military bases would be first, bringing the virus back from Europe… then the ports… then on to the big cities, like New York and Chicago. No place was really safe.

Except…

Except some places were _safer._

I remembered a map I found in my Internet research that showed the advance of the disease. It was shaded in hash marks and stripes, showing how the influenza spread across the country. Of course, the heaviest shaded areas were also the most populated.

The virus hit hardest in the cities. Rural areas saw cases, of course, but they were much fewer and farther between.

At the time, doctors didn't really understand how the virus spread – especially since many thought it was a bacteria. But it made sense that in areas with less person-to-person contact, there were fewer cases of influenza.

As I pondered this, an idea began churning in my mind - one that lit a spark of hope that I wondered if I dared fan into a flame.

What if Edward never got the Spanish Influenza?

My thoughts proceeded… slowly at first… then gathering speed as the idea gained power.

What if he wasn't in Chicago when the virus hit? What if he never got sick? Carlisle would never turn him.

I shot a glance at Carlisle, who was concentrating on an article in a medical journal and didn't notice my curious look.

If Edward never became a vampire… I could have him.

I could _really_ have him.

We could have a life together… here… now. We could get married… have children… grandchildren.

We could grow old together.

We could be happy.

And suddenly, I knew that was what I came here to do.

I could find Edward and get him out of Chicago in time. It wouldn't be easy, but I could do it. His life… our lives… depended on it.

I glanced at the calendar again.

I knew Edward was seventeen when he got the disease. His birthday wasn't until June… and I knew the virus hit with a vengeance in the fall.

I'd have to get him out of here before the end of the summer.

September first… less than six months. Not a lot of time, but it would have to be enough.

"Bella? Are you ready to go?" Carlisle's quiet voice interrupted my musings.

I glanced at the clock. My shift was over.

"Yes. Yes… sorry."

I gathered my things and Carlisle walked me home. I could feel him watching me closely as we neared the boarding house.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

I smiled. "Actually, yes. I'm fine."

I turned and ran up the steps to the front door, waving to Carlisle before going inside. I shut the door and leaned up against it, my excitement mingling with apprehension.

I had a plan.

I was going to save Edward.

x-x

You might think I'd have second thoughts about my plan… that I'd be worried about messing up the timeline, ruining the future.

You might think I'd be worried about how I'd go about convincing a teenage boy who had never met me to leave his home and family… to run away with me.

You might think these concerns would keep me up all night… or day, in my case.

But you'd be wrong.

I slept like a baby.

Maybe it was because I'd finally made a decision. I saw a purpose to my strange journey through time and space and I was taking destiny by the balls and moving forward. A strange, unexpected peace filled me, now that I had a goal in mind.

So I arose Friday afternoon with a smile on my face. I showered, shaving my legs with that scary razor, and dressed in my new yellow blouse and dark gray skirt. Tracking down Maggie in the kitchen again, I snagged a piece of bread still warm from the oven, slathering it with butter and jam before sitting at the kitchen table.

Maggie set a mug of tea in front of me along with a small plate, which she placed under my bread with a pointed look.

"Sorry!" I said with a grin. Nothing could get me down.

"You're in a fine mood," she acknowledged.

"I am," I agreed. "I was paid this morning, so I'll have rent for you once I get to the bank."

She looked at the clock, "Well, it closes at 5:00, so you better get moving."

I saw that it was 4:30, so I muttered a quick, "I'll be back," before putting my cup and plate in the sink and rushing out the door. Hopping the streetcar to the bank, I found the same teller, who remembered me from my previous visit and cashed my check easily.

Emerging from the bank, I walked into a small boutique next door to look for a purse or wallet. Browsing through the store, I opted for a small beige silk bag with a silver clasp and a gold and beige tassel dangling from the bottom. I spotted a simple cotton nightgown and purchased that as well, planning to return Maggie's. I stood at the counter waiting to pay for my items when a dress in the window caught my attention.

I don't know how I missed it when I walked into the store. It was simple, yet beautiful. A square neckline bordered by delicate lace edging topped a line of silk pleats running down the length of the dress, broken only by a thin silk sash. The three-quarter length fitted sleeves were topped by a square-shaped over sleeve of a sheer material. I fingered the soft fabric and turned to find a salesgirl. I spotted her at the rear of the store and approached her quickly.

"I'd like to try on that dress in the window," I said, pointing.

"Oh, the tea dress? It's lovely, isn't it?" The girl moved to the window and untied the sash, lifting the garment carefully off the dress form. Smoothing it over her arm, she led me back to a small changing room, pulling the door closed behind me.

I changed quickly, pulling the dress over my head and tying the sash before turning to look in the mirror.

It fit perfectly.

Granted, a tea dress wasn't my usual attire, but these were not usual circumstances.

And I knew that Edward would love it.

I changed back into my skirt and blouse and carried the dress to the counter. The girl wrapped it in tissue and put it and the nightgown in a bag, while I used the purse to carry my cash and coins. Hopping the streetcar – I was getting to be a pro at it – I arrived home quickly, presenting Maggie with two weeks' rent.

"No need to pay two weeks," she argued. "You were my guest this week past."

I shook my head. "Please, you've been so kind. Just let me do this," I pleaded.

After much cajoling, she finally relented, tucking the bills into her bodice.

Finally, I took a deep breath. There was no more putting it off.

"Maggie, do you know where I can find a telephone?"

She smiled with pride. "I have one here. My Henry, God rest his soul, had it put in before he left."

"May I use it?"

"Of course." She waved her hand, showing me into a small room off the kitchen. The phone wasn't like Carlisle's. Instead, it had a tall, candlestick base with the mouthpiece at the top and an earpiece hanging off a hook on the side.

"Do you need any help?" Maggie asked.

"No, I can do it," I replied distractedly, my eyes on the phone. I reached into my skirt pocket and pulled out the paper with Edward's address on it. The click of the door alerted me to Maggie's withdrawal. I took measured steps to the table, picking up the telephone and holding it close to my mouth, then lifting the earpiece slowly.

"Operator. How may I help you?" a tinny voice questioned.

"Umm… I'm sorry, I don't have the number."

"Name of the party you wish to call?"

"Masen… Edward Masen…" I glanced at the paper clutched in my hand. "In Chicago… 141 Lakeview…"

My heart pounded in my chest.

"One moment please."

I heard a series of clicks, then a low ringing sound.

It was ringing. What the hell was I going to say?

"Hello?"

I gasped at the sound of his voice. Even over the crackling connection, I recognized it.

Crap. Crap. _Crap_.

What was I thinking? Calling him on the phone? Seriously?

_Oh hi, Edward, it's me, Bella. You don't remember me? Well, I'm your girlfriend in about a hundred years and I just came back in time to save your life._

Cue the guys in the white coats.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" he asked, irritation coloring his voice.

So I did the only thing I could think of.

I hung up.

Setting the phone back on the table, I hurried out of the room and back into the kitchen.

"Did your call go through?" Maggie asked.

"He… wasn't home," I lied.

The phone rang and I jumped.

Eyeing me curiously, Maggie went back in the little room and picked up the telephone.

"Hello?" She paused, listening. "This is Maggie's Boarding House, who is this?"

She was silent for a moment then her eyes shot to me.

"Just a moment ago, you say?" I shook my head, pleading silently for help.

Her eyes narrowed, and she said finally, "No, I'm sorry. No one called from here. Must have been a wrong number."

She hung up and turned to me, her hands on her hips.

"Well? What was that all about?" she asked, her brogue thickening with her confusion.

"It was just a… mistake."

She arched an eyebrow at me.

"Okay, not the number." I shook my head, looking at the floor. "I just… I couldn't talk to him on the phone. I need to go see him in person."

"Who is this man?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"He's someone I used to know… someone important."

Maggie was quiet for a moment and eventually I lifted my gaze to meet her sympathetic one.

"He's the one, isn't he? The one who left you," she asked quietly.

To my dismay, tears brimmed in my eyes, my throat closed up, and all I could do was nod.

"Are you sure you want to see him?"

I gulped. "I have to see him. It's why I'm here."

I heard Maggie sigh then felt her strong arm circle my shoulders.

"All right, then," she said briskly. "I guess I'll have to help you."

x-x

Between Maggie and Tom, I had finally memorized the route to take to get to Edward's house.I planned to make the trip Saturday afternoon, and by unspoken agreement, Maggie and I didn't tell Tom who I was really going to see, but created a story about a distant cousin who lived in the Lincoln Park area of Chicago. Tom offered to go with me, but I told him I was looking forward to going shopping with my cousin and he backed off.

My sleep schedule was skewed because of my job, so I was wired and anxious Friday night. I decided to work off some energy helping Maggie clean around the boarding house. She fought me at first, but when I confessed I needed the work to keep from obsessing about my upcoming journey, she relented. After a few hours of scrubbing floors and washing windows, I was exhausted. I climbed into bed around midnight, falling into a dreamless sleep.

Just before dawn I drifted into consciousness, hearing a familiar voice calling my name.

"Bella? Bella!"

I blinked, my vision blurry, and turned my head from side to side on the pillow trying to find the source of the sound.

"Alice? Is that you?"

"Bella? You have to come back," Alice pleaded. It sounded like she was speaking right into my ear.

"Alice, where are you?" I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"Bella!"

I heard her cry out one more time before her voice faded away. Scanning the room from one corner to the other, I saw nothing out of place. I listened carefully, but the only noises came from the street outside the window. I flopped back on the bed, wondering if I'd been dreaming again and tried to close my eyes and recapture my sleep.

No such luck.

I was going to see Edward today. There was no way I'd get back to sleep.

Instead, I took a long shower, scrubbing myself and my hair, shaving my legs carefully and letting the hot water relax my tense muscles. I wrapped my hair in a towel, brushed my teeth, and put on my skirt and blouse. I'd wear my new dress for the trip, but didn't want to risk spilling breakfast on it. I returned to my room and sat by the radiator, combing my fingers through my hair to dry it. I pinned the front back, but opted to leave the rest hanging in waves down my back, remembering how Edward liked it.

I glanced at the clock. It was only eight in the morning. Tom estimated the trip to Edward's house would take close to an hour. It was still too early to leave, so I bit my lip, searching for something to occupy my time.

I heard a noise downstairs, so I made my way down and found the whole house had risen without my knowledge. Maggie was shuttling dishes from the kitchen to the dining room table. Alistair and Tom were already seated, and Jared and Liza had just come in the front door and were removing their coats.

"Ah, Bella, you're just in time," Maggie greeted me, setting a platter of scrambled eggs on the table. I sat down and dished up a plate, unsure if I'd actually be able to eat anything. My fears were unfounded, though. Conversation around the table kept me blessedly distracted, and before I knew it I had cleaned my plate. We sat around for a while longer, sipping coffee and chatting comfortably.

I was growing closer to my roommates. Of course, my friendships with Tom and Maggie had become important to me, but I was also quite fond of Jared and Liza. Physically, they complemented each other perfectly, like different shades on the same palette. Jared's dark good looks only emphasized Liza's lighter hair and paler skin. Their personalities harmonized as well, both of them cheerful and friendly. It was obvious why they became teachers. Kids must have loved them.

By the time we were finished and the breakfast plates cleared, it was almost eleven o'clock and I knew it was time for me to go. My stomach flipped, and I pressed my flattened hand to it, breathing deeply. I went up to my room and changed into the tea dress, then pinned on my hat and tucked Edward's address into my new purse. With a deep breath, I descended the stairs.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Maggie's concerned gaze took in my pale face and clenched fingertips. "I can go with you," she offered.

"No, I need to do this alone," I said firmly, as much to myself as to Maggie. "Wish me luck."

Maggie laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Good luck," she whispered with a slight squeeze before returning to the kitchen.

I made it to the streetcar with no problems and kept a watchful eye for my stop as it rattled down the busy road. Hopping off with uncharacteristic grace, I made my way to the "L" station on Fifth Avenue.

I stood in line at the ticket booth, nervously clutching a nickel in my fingers. After buying my ticket, I paced on the platform, unable to stand still and avoiding the questioning glances of the people around me. Despite assurances from Tom and Maggie, I had a nagging fear that I would end up on the wrong train, either traveling the downtown loop for hours on end, or lost somewhere in south Chicago. So as the train finally pulled near, I turned to a woman standing next to me.

"Excuse me, is this the Northwestern?" I asked her tentatively.

The woman nodded, so I took a deep breath and boarded. I took a seat near the window, then immediately regretted my decision as I glanced out… and down to the street below.

I didn't _remember_ ever reading about a catastrophic "L" derailment in the early 1900s… but that didn't mean it never happened. I mentally chided myself for my panic… they still used the "L" a hundred years later… it must have been relatively safe, right?

Still, I released a relieved breath when the train rocked easily on its way, the reassuring clacking evidence that it continued to grip the tracks. I watched the scenery morph from storefronts and crowded sidewalks to neighborhoods and front porches. At every stop I'd glance up to read the street signs, even though I knew I wouldn't get off until Fullerton Station.

When we finally pulled into the station, I filed off the train with the jostling crowd, clutching my purse tightly and keeping one hand on my hat. Making my way down to street level, I looked around, wondering where I could catch a streetcar.

"Miss, do you need some help?" a young police officer smiled at me, his blue eyes twinkling.

"Yes," I breathed, relief coloring my voice. "I'm looking for a streetcar to Lincoln Park." I knew Edward's street bordered the popular park on the west side.

The officer pointed a half a block down.

"You can catch one there," he said. "Just stay on Fullerton going that direction… east… and it will take you straight there. If you have any questions, just ask the operator."

I thanked the officer, quickening my steps as I neared the streetcars. Climbing on the Fullerton Avenue car, I opted to stand near the doorway, gripping tightly to the pole as we made our way toward the park.

Anticipation bubbled in my stomach as we slowed at every corner and passengers hopped on and off… Larrabee Street… Sedgwick Street… each block bringing me closer to Edward. I could see the green grounds of Lincoln Park in the distance, and beyond that the crystal blue of Lake Michigan, both drawing nearer with each of my shallow breaths.

We passed Clark Street and I knew my stop was next. I stood poised on my toes, waiting for the train to slow, then quickly jumped down, steadying myself with a deep breath.

The train continued on and I looked down the street. Perspiration gathered between my breasts and on my forehead, and I reached in my purse for the handkerchief Maggie had insisted I take. I was grateful now, as I really didn't want Edward's first impression of me to be a sweaty, nervous wreck.

Blotting my face, I walked across Fullerton and examined the houses dotting both sides of Lakeview Avenue. It was obvious this was an affluent part of town. The homes were beautiful – each one large, but distinctive; some had full porches and balconies, others featured brick patios or simple covered entries. All boasted manicured lawns and well-pruned shrubs… and there was not an inch of chipped paint or smudged glass to be seen.

I walked slowly, both out of a desire to remain sweat-free and in deference to my shaky nerves. I glanced once at the slip of paper with Edward's address, even though I knew it by heart. Examining the house numbers on my right, I counted silently as I continued down the street, stopping when I reached 140.

I turned slowly and faced the house across the street.

His house.

  


It was a beautiful Victorian, cream-colored with three stories. On the left, I noticed a stack of angled bay windows on the first two floors, with smaller windows topped with arches of glass on the floor above. A wide front porch wrapped around the right side of the house, a row of white columns interspersed with iron railings supporting the porch roof. The intricate moldings and gingerbread trim spoke loudly of wealth and class.

The house was flanked by two large trees, and pruned shrubs separated the freshly mown grass from the brick walkway leading to the front door. A few bulbs poked through the mulch, heralding the arrival of spring.

I was so absorbed in my observations I didn't even notice I had walked into the middle of the street. Looking around in embarrassment, I continued to cross to the sidewalk, then stood once again admiring the home in front of me.

A loud scraping sound grabbed my attention and I jumped, turning toward it.

He was digging in the ground and hadn't heard my approach, so I took a moment to admire the sight of him – so long denied me. The shovel scraped against a stubborn stump and he wrestled to get it out of the ground. A glistening drop of sweat trickled down his neck and a shiver passed through my body.

I may have made a sound – or maybe not – because he turned to me then, examining me with curious eyes, his lips quirking in an uncertain smile.

And with a trembling hand I opened the gate, taking the first tentative steps toward my destiny.


	7. Of Sunday Picnics and Shattered Expectations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Several people asked how Edward called Bella back in the last chapter. No, they didn't have Caller I.D… but since the operator connected the call via switchboard, it technically was still connected, even though Bella had hung up. All Edward had to do was click the hook to summon the operator… and then have the operator re-ring the boarding house. Hope that helps!

  


_A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte by Georges Seurat_

_**"Opposites can attract, as in magnetism. Or explode, as in matter and antimatter."** _

_**\- Peter David** _

**Chapter 6 – Of Sunday Picnics and Shattered Expectations**

"I'm sorry. Do I know you?"

His words cut through me, leaving a gaping wound, and I struggled to center myself in the midst of my inner turmoil.

Good God. I had approached him _… touched_ him. Swept up in the pleasure of seeing him again, I forgot for a moment that he had absolutely no idea who I was.

He probably thought I was a lunatic.

I stumbled for words to explain my odd behavior but was interrupted by a woman's voice coming from inside the house.

"Edward?" she called out, her voice followed by her appearance at the open door. I knew immediately that she was Edward's mother. Their hair was the same vivid shade, as were their eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, advancing toward us. "I didn't know you had company."

Edward answered her questioning glance with a shrug.

"This is my mother, Elizabeth Masen," he said. "And this is…" he motioned to me.

"Bella," I said, finally finding my voice. "Bella Swan. It's nice to meet you Mrs. Masen."

"Nice to meet you, Bella." She smiled, turning to Edward. "Don't forget you have to be at the Swensons' in half an hour."

"I know." He took off his gloves, gesturing toward the shovel stuck in the garden dirt. "I couldn't get the stump out. I'll have to try again later."

I shifted nervously on my feet as they spoke, feeling like an intruder and unsure of what to do. Finally I decided the best tactic was to retreat and regroup.

"I should probably be going anyway," I said, drawing two sets of green eyes to me. "I just stopped to… ask for directions… to the 'L'?"

Edward's eyes narrowed slightly. He knew I was lying and I waited for him to expose me.

He didn't get a chance.

"Oh, Edward's going that way, dear. I'm sure he'll be glad to accompany you," Mrs. Masen said, as she gently touched my arm.

"Oh, really, that's not necessary," I hedged. Now that I was here and had made a complete fool of myself, I wasn't sure what I'd say to him if we were alone.

"Oh, it's no trouble, is it Edward?" She smiled at her son expectantly.

He smiled back, and I have to say it looked a little forced.

"No trouble at all. Just let me go get cleaned up."

Edward walked into the house and Mrs. Masen turned to me.

"Come sit on the porch, Bella. Would you like some lemonade?" I hadn't noticed the tray and pitcher she'd brought out and set on a small table.

"Umm… sure… yes, please," I stammered out.

She poured me a frosty glass and I thanked her quietly, sipping the tart drink and wishing a hole would open in the ground and swallow me up.

What was I thinking? Coming here without a plan?

"So, how do you know Edward?" she asked.

I swallowed. "I don't, actually. I just was walking by and stopped for directions."

She eyed me carefully. I knew if she hadn't actually seen me touch him, she had to have seen the way I was gazing at him like a lovesick schoolgirl.

Still, she was too polite to call me on it.

"Where are you headed," she asked, "on the 'L'?"

"I'm staying at a boarding house downtown," I replied, relieved to finally be able to say something truthful.

"Oh? So you don't live with your family?"

"I don't have any family," I said, thinking it would be better not to elaborate.

"I'm sorry," she offered sadly.

"Thank you," I answered, unsure of what else I could say.

"So what brings you to our part of town?"

I hesitated, searching for a believable lie.

"I'm just trying to get to know the city," I said finally. "I heard Lincoln Park was quite beautiful, so I came to see it. I got to walking around and lost my way."

She absorbed that silently, taking a sip of her lemonade.

"Are you out of school, then?" I could see concern start to color her features.

Great, now she thinks I'm a pedophile… an older woman here to prey on her sixteen-year-old son.

Christ. Technically, I _was_ a pedophile.

"Yes, just recently," I told her, shaking myself free from my thoughts. "I'm working at Cook County Hospital as a nurse's assistant. Actually, I'm assisting one of the doctors now with his medical research."

"How interesting… what kind of research?"

"He's studying influenza."

She nodded, but was cut short from asking another question when Edward walked through the door.

Water glistened along his hairline, so I could tell that he'd washed his face. He'd also combed back the loose locks that had fallen forward while he worked. His tie was straight and he'd put his jacket back on.

He was glorious. It took all the self-restraint I had left not to dissolve into a puddle of goo at his feet.

"Ready, Miss Swan?" He turned to me, extending his open hand toward the front gate.

"It was nice to meet you, Mrs. Masen," I said quietly before walking down the porch steps.

"Goodbye Bella."

Edward opened the gate and I walked through, turning back to see his mother watching us with a speculative look on her face.

"Something wrong?" Edward asked.

"No, nothing… sorry."

We walked in silence while I struggled for a way to break the ice. It wasn't far to the "L" and I knew I was running out of time.

"Look, Edward… I'm sorry about before. I shouldn't have touched you like that," I said finally, embarrassed.

I expected him to shrug off my apology, but instead he asked, "Why did you?"

I bit my lip, uncertain of what to say.

"I… thought you were someone else."

_Yeah, that's believable. Geez Bella!_

He looked at me curiously - obviously knowing I was lying - but then his face broke out in a surprising grin.

"Lucky guy."

He was _flirting_ with me. Flirting was good.

I grinned back at him, blushing a little, but he didn't say anything else about it.

"So, did I hear you tell my mother you work at a hospital?" he asked instead.

"Yes, I'm working with a doctor there, helping him with his research."

"That must be interesting work. Do you work with patients as well?"

"Sometimes." I nodded.

"Hm," he said thoughtfully.

"What?"

"Well, I would just imagine a hospital provides a lot of opportunities for a young woman."

I nodded. "I suppose so, but you really need specialized education to move up."

He laughed. "Education? No, you misunderstood me."

"What did you mean?" I asked, confused.

"Well, it's just that I'm sure you meet a lot of eligible men."

"Eligible?" I repeated, not believing what I was hearing. "Are you suggesting… that I'm working there to snag a husband?"

"I'm not criticizing," he said quickly. "It's important for a young lady to find an appropriate man… and it's not always easy for a girl in your situation."

"What do you mean, 'in my situation'?"

Okay, this guy was seriously starting to piss me off.

"You know, no family… no real financial attributes," he explained.

"Were you eavesdropping on my conversation with your mother?" I asked through gritted teeth.

To his credit, he reddened a little.

"I just overheard a bit," he admitted, then he saw my angry expression and stopped in his tracks.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you," he said, apparently confused at my reaction. "It's only natural for a woman in your position to look for a husband – and I was just saying you've chosen a good place to do it."

You've got to be kidding me.

"You make it sound like I'm a predator on the hunt!" I exclaimed.

He shrugged. "I'm sure it must feel like that sometimes," he said sympathetically. "And I know many men would look unfavorably upon your circumstances, so that's got to make it even more difficult. But don't worry, I'm sure in time you'll snare a husband."

I turned to him, my hands on my hips. "Snare… snare…?" I repeated. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

It didn't really work.

"Look buddy," I began in a low voice, and his eyes widened. "I work at the hospital because I needed a job and I wanted to do something I enjoy. I support myself. I pay my own bills and I don't need a man to do it."

"I don't understand what you're so upset about," he said, mystified. "I'm just trying to be sympathetic of your predicament."

"Are you for real…? Sympathetic…?" I sputtered. "I don't even know what to say to that!" I paced back and forth, muttering under my breath. "Predicament?" I questioned. "Predicament?" I repeated, my voice growing louder.

"I am not in a 'predicament', Edward," I spat. "I don't know where you get these outdated ideas about women in the workplace, but they're ridiculous! I'm not looking for a husband at the hospital. I'm not looking for a husband, period!"

Reveling in his shocked expression, I turned on my heel and stomped to the "L", buying my ticket quickly and climbing the steps to the platform. I tapped my foot impatiently on the wooden floor, still fuming over Edward's comments.

What happened to him?

The Edward I knew was possessive, sure, and overprotective. But he wasn't a chauvinist pig! He was kind and loving and supportive. He wanted me to go to college… begged me to do it.

This Edward thought I should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen… once I'd hooked an appropriate husband, that is.

When the train arrived I collapsed in my seat, my anger finally giving way to desperation.

What had I done?

I had finally found Edward, and went from all but mauling him, to yelling at him in the middle of the street. Then the question I'd been ignoring for the past fifteen minutes finally reared its ugly head.

How could I save him… if I couldn't even stand him?

x-x

"Come on, Bella. It will be fun!"

I rolled my eyes. The last time someone said that to me I ended up tripping on hallucinogenic mushrooms and going back in time.

I smiled at my own thoughts, and Liza Johannes took that as a sign that I was giving in.

"You have to come, Bella," she pleaded. "It's the social event of the season."

Christ. People really did say that?

I was depressed after the snafu of my first Edward encounter. I had ridden the "L" home and went straight to my room, unable to face Maggie's questioning glances. I didn't even go down for dinner. I just lay in my bed all night, tossing and turning, reliving each torturous moment.

I still had no idea what to do next.

Everyone in the house – well, except Alistair – had been talking all morning about the Welcome Spring Celebration at the "shore", which I'd come to learn meant Lake Michigan. I'd argued that it wasn't even technically spring yet, but Liza had informed me that it was always the third Sunday in March. Still didn't make much sense to me, but whatever.

"There will be music and dancing," Liza cajoled.

Tom finally joined in. "Uh, maybe the dancing's not for Bella."

I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed.

"The food's good, though," he added. "And there are games and prizes."

Well, that sounded more interesting.

Liza jumped in. "It's a beautiful day, Bella. Come and enjoy it with us."

That did it for me. Living in Forks, the one thing I'd learned was to treat a sunny day with the reverence it deserved.

So I'd agreed, and an hour later we were on the "L", headed once again for Lincoln Park. Jared and Liza sat across from Maggie and me, holding hands and exchanging secretive smiles. Tom stood to my left, holding the handrail and reading a newspaper.

In my time he'd be one of those guys you couldn't tear away from his Blackberry.

To be honest, I was a little nervous when we got to the "L" and I found out we were headed to the park so close to Edward's house. A part of me hoped - and another part dreaded - the possibility that I might see him again.

I had thought about it all morning, and decided that I had overreacted. I mean, sure he'd seemed a little chauvinistic, but that was a sign of the times, right? It was 1918 after all, and I couldn't expect him to have twenty-first century ideals when we were barely out of the nineteenth.

I vowed to be more patient with Edward when I saw him again. I just had to figure out how I _could_ see him again.

Showing up at his house was out of the question. That hadn't gone so well the first time. I pondered the idea of enrolling in his school, but thought he'd see through that since I had already told him about my job.

So the only option was… well… stalking him.

I'd have to follow him discreetly and see where he went and what he did with his time. Sure, it was a little creepy, but I didn't really see an alternative.

I'd have to be very careful, and when I found a place where I could run into him 'accidentally', I'd have to play it really cool.

I could play it cool.

I hoped.

The "L" screeched to a halt and our group clambered down the steps from the platform. Tom cracked a joke and we all laughed as we boarded the streetcar bound for the park.

"I've got one," Jared boomed. "You'll like this one Bella, since you work in a hospital."

I smiled at him. I was really getting to like Jared. He was big and came off as the strong, silent type until you got to know him. But I was coming to learn he had a quick smile and a great sense of humor. In a lot of ways he reminded me of Emmett. My face fell a little at the thought, but then I turned my attention back to him and his joke.

"Little Mary had always wanted a kitten," he began, a smile quirking at his lips. "She fell ill and the doctors found that she needed an operation."

"I've heard this one," Tom whispered to me, but I hushed him.

Jared shot him a narrowed glance and continued.

"So, little Mary had to go to the hospital and her mother promised that if she would be very brave during this time of trial she should have the very finest kitten to be found.

"Well, she had the operation, and as Mary was coming out from the influence of the anesthesia the nurse heard her muttering, and stooped down to hear these words…"

He paused dramatically and to my surprise, Jared, Liza, Tom, and even Maggie all said simultaneously, "It's a bum way to get a cat!" then erupted in laughter.

"You've all heard it?" Jared asked, looking around the group.

"That's an old one," Maggie giggled.

"New to me," I admitted.

The streetcar slowed and we all jumped off. Jared helped Liza and Maggie, and Tom extended a hand out to me. We walked into the park, grinning and laughing under blue skies and sunshine.

The park itself had been transformed. Billowy tents dotted the grass, covering tables of food and drinks. A race course of some kind had been laid out on the north end of the green, and balloons and streamers floated everywhere. Above our heads a large banner hanging between two trees read "Welcome Spring!" in bright colors.

A wooden platform had been constructed near a gazebo to the south and I could see some men tuning up their instruments. I assumed the platform was a makeshift dance floor. Everywhere I looked, people had spread out blankets and were sitting, enjoying the warm weather. Children laughed and screamed, running through the park playing tag or hide and seek.

Although it was sunny, it still wasn't warm enough for swimming. Still, I spotted a few row boats bobbing on the lake, with young men drawing back the oars and young women in frothy dresses holding parasols to protect them from the bright sunshine.

It was like a painting I'd seen once at the Seattle Art Museum by Georges Seurat. I remembered thinking that it really captured a simpler time with its bright colors and shapes created by dots of paint on canvas. The time period was off a little, I think… but the colors, the warmth, the… freedom, was the same.

Liza apparently caught me gaping because she turned to me with a smile.

"Aren't you glad you came?"

"Actually, yes," I admitted. "It's really something."

The afternoon was relaxing and fun. We spread out a blanket and ate fried chicken and biscuits… and big bowls of the most incredible homemade ice cream. I'm pretty sure the fat content of that stuff was off the charts… but it was _so_ worth it.

Jared and Liza danced. Tom asked me, but I begged off so he took a twirl with Maggie. They spun and whirled to a waltz, and I had to admit they were pretty good. The song drew to a close and Tom spun Maggie twice before dipping her effortlessly with a grin. The dancers applauded the band and I saw a young man in a dark suit approach the microphone.

"Attention everyone," he announced. "The games will be starting in ten minutes!"

People stood and started to make their way to the side of the green where I'd seen the course laid out earlier. Tom and Maggie approached me, with Jared and Liza close behind. We folded our blanket and walked over to the race course.

"What kind of games are they going to be playing?" I asked.

"Oh, there's a pie-eating contest, arm wrestling…" Tom began.

"Those are both my events, of course," Jared grinned.

"Of course," Tom acquiesced. "Eating and showing off are Jared's strong suits."

Jared punched him in the shoulder and Tom rubbed it ruefully.

Liza finally interrupted, linking her arm with mine as we walked.

"There are also some races… the three-legged race, wheelbarrow race… the sack race," she said.

Wait a second… the sack race?

"You mean like a potato sack race?" I asked, my mouth curving slightly.

"Yes," Liza nodded. "Why? Would you like to try it?"

I smirked at the question. Hell yeah, I'd like to try it.

It was a strange thing. I was, in a word, uncoordinated. I couldn't dance. Running was questionable. And jumping rope was an ER trip waiting to happen. (Trust me. Been there. Done that.)

But at a young age I discovered that even though simply walking down the street could cause me to trip over my own feet, when they were bound inside that burlap sack… I was unstoppable.

It was like the coordination gods looked down and said, "She can't do anything else, but the sack race… okay, we'll give her that."

So since I was five, I would enter only one event at every police department picnic, school field day, and church fundraising carnival: the sack race.

And I would kick _ass_. Every time.

Now, I know it's weird to get so worked up about a children's game, but when it's the only physical activity that you actually excel at, you tend to get a little excited.

Okay, a lot excited.

The fact was: I liked to win. I loved to win. Deep down I was a competitive, cutthroat, bloodthirsty, sack-racing machine.

I think that's why the coordination gods cut me off when it came to any other sports.

Because if I could play hockey, I'd seriously kill someone.

"Bella?" Liza waved her hand in front of me. "I asked if you'd like to try it."

A slow smile lit my face and I replied, "Yes, I believe I would."

x-x

Adrenaline pulsed through me as I gathered the burlap in my fists, pulling it taut from my toes to my waist. Tom was the only other one of our group who wanted to participate, and he stood to my right, ready as well. I looked down the line of sack racers, mentally gauging who would be my biggest competition.

Okay, I _knew_ it was pathetic. I couldn't help it.

I was the Michael Phelps of sack racing, and my eye was on the prize.

The crowd circled the race course, whistling and cheering. It was a simple course, about fifty yards, down and back. No other turns or obstacles.

No problem.

The young man from the microphone took a few steps into the course and raised a hand.

"On your mark…" I tensed, every muscle straining…

"Get set…" I held my breath for a moment, waiting…

"Go!"

I took off, jumping for all I was worth. I saw Tom out of the corner of my eye. He had the advantage of longer legs… he could cover the distance of two of my hops with one of his own.

But I'd seen taller men fail. They'd get overconfident and those long legs would get all twisted up.

We were neck and neck halfway to the turnaround point and I heard him grunting loudly.

Amateur.

As we rounded the markers lined up at the end of the course, I shot a glance down the row of racers. Besides Tom, the only other racer close to me was a man near the end. I smiled as he fell trying to go around the marker.

Oh yeah. I had this.

But Tom wasn't going to make it easy. I heard him – on my left now – and I could tell he was giving it all he had. I spied two young women pulling a ribbon across the finish line and I felt a burst of adrenaline.

I may have heard the _Rocky_ theme song playing in my head.

We were close now, neck and neck with only about ten feet to the finish line. I surged forward, hopping furiously, and I heard Tom trip and fall, but didn't turn to look back. Instead, I lunged forward, my hands upraised, breaking the ribbon with my chest before crashing to the ground.

The crowd went wild.

Okay, maybe that was overstating it a little bit. They clapped and cheered politely, and Tom helped me up before I turned to accept congratulatory hugs from Liza and Maggie. The announcer handed me a little silver cup and I held it above my head victoriously.

I _may_ have also done a little end zone dance. Jared burst out laughing.

I gave him a playful shove and turned to retrieve my hat.

And came face to face with Edward.

"Miss Swan. Nice to see you again," he said, examining me with amusement lighting his features.

I followed his gaze in mortification. My blouse had come untucked. My hair was escaping its bun around my face, and I was red and sweaty and had a grass stain on my skirt.

Perfect.

"Edward," I said, trying to tuck my blouse back in surreptitiously and sweeping my hair behind my ears. "How are you?"

"Fine, thank you." He smirked. "It looks like congratulations are in order," he said, gesturing at my trophy.

"Yes, thank you," I said self-consciously.

Tom cleared his throat and I turned to him.

"Oh, Edward, these are my friends… Tom Jacobsen, Jared & Liza Johannes, and Maggie Oleson. She's my landlady."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Maggie? As in…Maggie's… Boarding House?"

It took me a moment to realize that Edward was piecing together the strange hang-up phone call he'd received to the fact I had a landlady named Maggie.

I scrambled for a way to change the subject.

"Are you enjoying the celebration?" I blurted.

 _Smooth, Bella_.

Edward let it pass. "Yes, actually," he said, turning to reveal a young, blonde woman standing beside him.

"This is Samantha Swenson," he said, smiling softly at her. "Samantha, this is Bella Swan and… her friends."

I looked at her, trying in vain to disguise my shock. Who the hell was this? Then I remembered Edward's mother reminding him of his appointment at the Swensons' as I stood in his front yard, looking like an idiot.

Did Edward have a girlfriend?

I examined her as she greeted each of my friends and I had to admit she was beautiful.

No, she wasn't just beautiful… she was _lovely_.

Her shiny, blond hair was swept up in the front, left to hang loose in the back in soft waves almost to her waist. She wore a pale pink dress with a wide lace collar and carried a pink parasol – undoubtedly to protect her perfect, porcelain skin from the sun's harmful rays. Her cheeks and lips were pink, though obviously a gift of nature and not a trick of cosmetics. Full, thick lashes bordered wide blue eyes - slightly almond shaped and profoundly innocent.

I looked down her spotless dress to see white stockings and white kid shoes peeking out from the skirt. Not a speck of dirt in sight… and certainly no grass stains from a stupid sack race.

Then she spoke. "It's so nice to meet you all."

Quiet, musical tones. I'd bet money she was a singer. Just those few words spoke of sophistication and breeding.

I wanted to hate her.

I _really_ wanted to hate her.

But then she turned to me and said enthusiastically, "I saw you in the sack race, Bella. That was amazing!"

And there was no sarcasm or judgment on her face - just pure, unadulterated admiration.

And kindness.

Crap. She was _nice._

"Thank you," I said, embarrassed and annoyed, but trying to hide it.

"I'd never have the courage to do something like that!" She grinned. "You really showed those men who was boss!"

"Hey!" Tom feigned offense.

"Sorry." She smiled at him and I swear Tom blushed.

"I was just going to get Samantha some punch," Edward said finally. "Would anyone else like some?"

I was really thirsty, but I would rather have died than ask Edward for anything at that moment, so I remained silent.

"I'll come with you," Tom offered. "Bella?"

"Sure, thanks," I said to him gratefully.

The two men walked off. Maggie's "bit 'o the sight" must have kicked in because she managed to lure Liza and Jared off to watch the pie-eating contest, directing a pointed look at me. I raised my eyebrows at her, but she just tilted her head toward Samantha, who was not paying attention. Jared said he was too full from lunch to participate but threw his arms over Maggie & Liza's shoulders. I could hear him saying he'd explain the finer points of the competition to them as they walked away.

"Do you want to go watch?" I asked Samantha.

"No." She wrinkled her nose. "I have a bit of a weak stomach and there's something about watching people smash their faces into pies that just turns it."

I laughed. "Yeah, it kind of grosses me out, too."

She frowned at the expression but said nothing.

We walked to the lake's edge, chatting amiably about nothing in particular. I glanced over and saw Edward and Tom still waiting in line for punch.

"So," I said finally, "how long have you known Edward?"

She smiled, her hair ruffling in the slight breeze. "My whole life. Our fathers were in business together and our mothers became close friends. We were born a month apart. My earliest memories all include Edward."

She looked over at him and her gaze softened. My heart fell.

"Sometimes I feel like he's actually a part of me. Like we're two halves to a whole," she mused. Then, blinking quickly, she added, "It's silly, I know."

"No, it's not silly," I said quietly. "You love him."

"Of course." She laughed. "How can you not?"

"So how long have you been…" I struggled for the right word, "…courting?"

"Courting?" she repeated as amusement lit her features. "That's kind of an old-fashioned word."

I said nothing, just shrugged in acknowledgment.

"We just fell into it, I guess," she continued. "It was natural… easy. We have so much in common and it just made sense."

"So will you get married?" I asked, dreading the answer.

She shrugged. "Eventually, I suppose. Everyone expects us to but…"

Samantha never finished her thought, because Edward and Tom took that moment to appear, cups of punch in hand.

"Ladies," Tom said, extending the punch with a flourish.

Samantha giggled and I rolled my eyes, taking a sip and turning back towards her. I wanted to finish our earlier conversation, but definitely not in front of Edward, so instead I decided to get to know her a little bit.

"Samantha, are you still in school?" I asked.

"Yes, I'll graduate in June, a year before Edward." She smiled at him teasingly and he smirked.

"So do you plan to go to college?"

Edward choked a little on his punch.

We both turned to him, questioningly.

"Sorry," he said. "It's just the idea of Samantha going to college…"

"And why is that funny?" I asked, already feeling a curl of anger twisting in my stomach.

"Well, it's just… there's no need…" he fumbled, turning to Samantha.

She took over. "When I graduate, I'll devote most of my time to helping with my mother's charity work," she said. "That is, until I get married."

"Is that what you really want?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"What I want?" Samantha looked a little confused. "It's… well… I've always thought…"

"A woman doesn't really need a college education anyway," Edward interrupted, "It's a waste of time and money."

"A waste?" I repeated incredulously. "How can an education be a waste?"

"Well, you don't need a degree to raise a family," he retorted. "What would she do with it?"

"Whatever she wants!" I cried in outrage. "I can't believe you! A woman has just as much right to a good education as a man!"

"I'm not saying she doesn't have the right," Edward argued, his green eyes flashing. "I'm just saying she doesn't _need_ it."

"What if someone said that to… to…" I searched my brain for a timely example… "Marie Curie!"

"What?"

"Madame Curie," I repeated. "The scientist? The first woman to win the Nobel Prize for physics… and chemistry?" I added.

"Oh, I heard about that," Tom began. We both turned to him with a glare and he held up his hands in surrender. "Sorry."

"Madame Curie is an exception to the general rule," Edward continued. "Besides, she won with her husband."

"Just the first time," I corrected him. "The second time she won on her own. What does that have to do with it anyway? Are you saying that she didn't deserve it? That he carried her?"

We were leaning forward now, our noses nearly touching, breaths escaping in harsh bursts.

"I'm saying that it's all fine and good for Madame Curie," Edward growled, "It just doesn't make sense for most women like Samantha."

"Edward…" Samantha began in a small voice. Neither one of us paid any attention to her.

"It's completely unnecessary," Edward continued. "And it would mean that a man who really needed that education might be kept from it. He would be unable to provide for his family because some woman wanted to prove a point!"

"Prove a point? Are you kidding me?" My hands trembled and I was shouting at him now. "You are so aggravating! You… you… Neanderthal asshole!" I bellowed.

All eyes turned to me in shock. For a moment it seemed like even the birds stopped singing.

"Bella," Tom said finally in a calm voice, "Maybe we should go dance."

"I don't dance," I said abruptly.

"Well then, Miss Swenson." He turned to her, extending his palm. "May I have the honor?"

Samantha looked between Edward and me warily before placing her hand in Tom's.

"Of course," she said quietly.

They walked away toward the dance floor and Edward and I took a step back from each other, turning to watch them in silence. I could see him take a deep breath in my peripheral vision, and I did the same. So much for being more patient with him.

"Sorry about that," I said finally.

"Neanderthal asshole?" he asked, smirking. "Not very ladylike, Miss Swan."

I sighed. "I think we've pretty much established 'ladylike' is a bit beyond my reach."

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and found him doing the same thing. I grinned sardonically and he let out a small chuckle.

"I think we should declare a truce," he said finally, extending his hand. "I will refrain from any derogatory comments about women going to college, or working in hospitals… or just women in general…"

I took his hand. "…and I will refrain from telling you how wrong you are," I concluded sweetly.

He laughed a little and released my hand, turning back to the dance floor.

"You really don't dance?" he asked.

"No," I admitted. "Two left feet."

"They seemed to work all right in the sack race."

"As you stated so eloquently earlier, that is the exception to the general rule."

He smiled, his eyes on Samantha and Tom.

I took a deep, quiet breath. "Samantha says you two will probably get married."

"Hmm? Oh, yes… probably," he said, distracted. "Are you and Tom…?"

"Tom?" I repeated. "Oh, no… nothing like that. Tom and I are just friends."

He nodded.

Samantha was laughing at something Tom had said. He twirled her and she giggled.

"She's perfect, you know," Edward said softly, almost like he was talking to himself.

I murmured in agreement. She was perfect.

"Beautiful… Sweet… Peaceful… "

"Submissive," I muttered under my breath, slapping my hand to my mouth when I realized he heard me.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Better than confrontational."

I raised mine at him. "I prefer 'enthusiastic'."

He chuckled. "Touché."

My gaze wandered from the dance floor and I noticed a young, pregnant woman sitting under a tree by herself. Her eyes were downcast and she plucked at the petals of a flower forlornly.

"She looks so sad," I said under my breath.

"What?" Edward turned his attention to me.

"That girl over there. She looks so sad."

Edward's jaw tightened. "Well, with good reason."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'd rather not talk about it, Bella."

"You can't just say something like that and not explain yourself, Edward," I said, mimicking his tone of voice.

He rolled his eyes and said quietly, "She used to attend my school. She got herself… in trouble… and had to leave. I actually can't believe she's here."

I bristled at his attitude, but it didn't really surprise me. I knew an unwed mother would be a bit of a pariah in this time and place… but it annoyed me nonetheless.

"You know it takes two to make a baby," I said pointedly.

He looked down at me archly. "Yes, I am aware of that fact, thank you."

"I imagine the young man in this little drama is still able to attend school and social functions without shame?"

Surprisingly, Edward gulped at that and looked away. "Well, yes… that's true."

"Do you think that's fair?" I asked, keeping a tight rein on Bitchy Bella.

Edward was silent for a moment, then said, "I suppose not. But what I think is irrelevant. It's how the world is."

"It doesn't have to be that way."

He turned to me. "You say that like you really believe it."

"I do." I looked up and was surprised to find him examining me with confused eyes, like he wasn't quite sure what to make of me.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"I find you…" he began.

_Fascinating? Interesting? Completely mesmerizing?_

"… bewildering," he concluded.

I mentally shrugged. Could've been worse.

Before I could ask what he meant by that, Tom and Samantha rejoined us, flushed and laughing.

"You both looked great out there," I said with a smile.

Samantha glowed… yes, she actually glowed… up at Tom, "Well, Tom is an excellent dancer. He was easy to follow."

Tom nodded down at her. "Thank you for the dance, Miss Swenson."

"You're very welcome, Mr. Jacobsen," she replied with a grin and a little curtsy.

Well, this was interesting.

I shot a curious look at Edward to see if he noticed that little interaction and found him studying me with an unreadable expression. I swallowed noisily and turned to Tom.

"We should probably find the others," I said shakily.

"Oh, Bella," Samantha said quickly, "I was telling Tom that Edward and I were going to see the new moving picture, _Stella Maris_ this week. You both should come with us. I've heard Mary Pickford is wonderful. She actually plays two roles."

"Well, I have to work every night," I said hesitantly.

Edward may have rolled his eyes a little, but true to his vow, he did not say anything about my job.

"But not Friday night, right? Tom said you don't work Fridays?" she asked hopefully.

"That's right."

Wow. She really wanted us to go to the movies with them. I eyed her carefully… or maybe she really wanted _Tom_ to go.

"Friday night then," she said with a firm nod.

I looked from Samantha's pleading eyes… to Tom's enthusiastic ones… to Edward's impassive ones.

"All right. It sounds like fun."

x-x

"Bella? Are you listening to me?" I jumped, turning to meet Carlisle's amused expression.

It was Wednesday night and Carlisle and I were working in his office. For the past couple of nights he had been dictating notes and correspondence to me, which I recorded using an incredibly frustrating typewriter.

It was brand new… supposedly "noiseless"… and I hated it.

Still, I got the hang of it relatively quickly, adjusting to the need to punch firmly on the keys. There was no backspace though… and no whiteout. So that night I was going through the pages with a rubber eraser and a black pen, correcting any mistakes.

"You seem a little distracted tonight," he said, sitting back in his desk chair and running a hand through his hair.

"I guess I am, a little," I admitted. He waited for me to elaborate.

"It's just… I'm confused about something," I said, leaning back in my chair and rubbing my hand over my face.

"What's that?" Carlisle asked.

"Well, I met this man and he's very aggravating."

"How so?"

I rolled my eyes. "He has these antiquated notions about the role of women in society. Basically, he thinks all they're good for is being wives and mothers."

"There's nothing wrong with being a wife and mother, Bella."

"I know that." I threw my hands up. "And I know that's how most of society feels these days. But you seem to be different, Carlisle."

He raised his eyebrows and waited for me to continue.

"You don't seem to think any less of me because I'm a woman. You treat me like an equal."

Carlisle pursed his lips. "I do have a more liberal view, yes."

"So how did you get that way?" I asked, leaning forward on the desk. "Why do you see things differently than everyone else?"

"Well, first of all, I'm not the only one who feels this way," he corrected, standing up and walking around the desk to sit next to me. "There's a growing segment of society that's rebelling against these traditional roles.

"But to answer your question more directly, I guess I have a different… perspective on the human condition."

I raised an eyebrow and he smiled slightly.

"In my life, I've had the opportunity to observe people closely and one thing I've found is that they're all basically the same. They all have the same basic desires: food, clothing, shelter, safety, security, and love. This goes for men and women… of all ages, races, creeds, and colors.

"When you take it down to those simple needs, we all are the same, really."

"You make it sound so simple," I leaned back, rubbing my thumb over my eraser.

"It is, really," he replied. "I've also come to appreciate the innate strength of women. I've seen them in childbirth, attending sickbeds, comforting friends, raising families and breaking down barriers raised by men. Did I tell you I actually met Elizabeth Blackwell?"

"Who's that?" I asked, trying to recall why the name sounded familiar.

"The first female physician," he said, shocked that I wouldn't know. "It was a conference in New York, shortly after she graduated from medical school."

"Actually, now that you mention it, I do remember reading about her," I said, perhaps a little defensively.

"A remarkable woman." Carlisle smiled. "So brave and independent… actually a lot like you."

"Really? You think so?"

"I do." He rose and walked back behind his desk. "I know it can be frustrating Bella, but you just have to be patient with people. Explain your position calmly and clearly and they'll come around. Most of them, anyway," he said with a shrug.

"I'll try." Resigned, I returned to my typed notes, eraser poised and ready.

"Wait a second," I said after a moment, a memory popping to mind. "Elizabeth Blackwell… didn't she graduate like… fifty years ago?"

A smirk danced on Carlisle's lips, but he didn't look up from his work.

"Closer to seventy, actually."

I bit my lip and looked down, rubbing out a typo with relish.


	8. Of Movies, Lunch, & Samantha's Hunch

  


_The Orpheum Theater_

_**Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?** _

_**~Calvin and Hobbes** _

**Chapter 7 – Of Movies, Lunch, & Samantha's Hunch**

"So what's this movie about anyway?" I asked Tom as we spied the streetcar. We quickened our steps to reach it before it sped off - or rather rolled, slowly clacking down the street.

He hopped up, offering a hand to me. I took it and joined him, holding on to the same brass pole. We were on our way to meet Edward and Samantha at the Orpheum Theater – supposedly the nicest theater in Chicago, according to Maggie.

"I don't know why you're going there," she'd huffed when I told her of our plans Thursday afternoon. "Ticket's a dime. You can go down the street to the Castle and only pay a nickel." Maggie had been teaching me how to use her new washing machine, and we were hanging laundry on a clothesline in the back yard.

"It wasn't up to me," I'd replied, still shocked that a movie ticket was only ten cents. "Edward and Samantha told us where to meet."

Maggie eyed me carefully. "Edward, hmm? So you're really going to spend the evening with him and his… young lady?"

"They invited us," I said simply, shaking out a blouse and pinning it up on the line,

"And that's all there is to it?" she asked, eyeing me intently.

I squirmed a little under her unbending scrutiny then turned away abruptly, straightening a clothespin.

Maggie crossed her arms over her chest, saying nothing. Her gaze never wavered.

Geez. The woman was relentless.

"Okay, maybe…" I began uncomfortably. "Maybe… I think Samantha might possibly be interested in Tom… maybe."

"I see," Maggie said, still not blinking her inscrutable eyes.

"And _maybe_ … Tom might be a little interested in her, too."

After a moment, Maggie nodded. "I thought as much."

"What do you mean?"

She picked a skirt out the laundry basket, tucking a clothespin between her lips as she shook it out. "I noticed it at the picnic," she mumbled through the clothespin before using it to hang the skirt. "The two of them love each other, but they're not right for each other."

"You mean Edward and Samantha?" I couldn't help the wave of hope that swept through me.

"Mmm hmm."

I chewed on that for a moment. "So do you think that _Tom_ and Samantha could be right for each other?"

"I'm not a fortune teller, Bella," she said with a smile. "But I suppose anything is possible."

I hesitated before asking her the next question on my mind, in part because I feared her answer.

"Do you think I'm meddling? Do you think it's wrong for me to try and get Tom and Samantha together?"

"Of course you're meddling." Maggie turned to me, her hands on her hips and her brogue thicker than usual. "But do I think you're wrong? That's not for me to judge.

"As my dear Henry, God rest his soul, used to say, 'All's fair in love and war, and soldiers don't fight with toothpicks.'"

"I'm not fighting Samantha," I said miserably. "The fact is, I actually like her."

"I know you do, dear," Maggie said sympathetically. "And I don't have any words of wisdom for you. When it comes to matters of the heart, that's the only thing you can follow… your heart." She patted my cheek and turned back to the laundry.

So Friday evening I dressed in the pale yellow dress I bought at Marshall Field's, added a white hat I borrowed from Liza and left with Tom to see a silent movie.

That's right. A _silent_ movie.

I wasn't trying to be a millennial snob, or whatever you'd call it, but the idea of sitting in a theater to watch actors overact to an organ soundtrack? Well, it left me a little cold.

I mean, just before I left for this trip through time I'd seen _Avatar_ in 3-D, for God's sake.

But I decided to put my best foot forward, because it really wasn't about the movie. It was about seeing Edward again. It was about putting my plan to save him into action. And to do that, I needed to stop jumping down his throat every time he said something that annoyed me.

I would control my temper.

I _would_ control my temper.

I repeated the mantra to myself over and over as we rode the streetcar and Tom filled me in on the film we'd be seeing.

"I don't know much about it, but I asked the reviewer at the Tribune," he began. "I guess Mary Pickford plays an invalid who falls in love with a family friend. He's married to a drunken woman who hires an ugly servant, also played by Mary Pickford. The servant falls in love with the woman's husband too."

"Sounds like a soap opera," I muttered.

"A what?"

"Never mind."

"So, it seems really complicated," Tom said grumpily. "I would rather have seen a Chaplin film… or maybe that new Fatty Arbuckle."

"Yeah," I agreed dryly. "I loves me some Fatty Arbuckle."

Tom shot me a confused glance, then burst into laughter. "You say the strangest things sometimes, Bella."

"I know," I said, rolling my eyes.

We got off the streetcar and decided to walk the few blocks to the theater instead of paying for the "L". The sidewalks were crowded as usual, but we managed to maneuver easily through the masses.

"So, how did you meet Edward and Samantha?" Tom asked casually… almost _too_ casually.

I eyed him, unsure of how to answer. "He gave me directions once when I was lost," I said finally, adding, "I hadn't met Samantha until the other day at the park."

He nodded and was silent for a moment.

"He's an unusual gent… very terse and opinionated."

I smirked. "I'd have to agree with you there."

"Samantha on the other hand, I found remarkably pleasant and friendly," he continued. "Quite the opposite of him."

"Well they say opposites attract."

"They do?" He turned to me, his blue gaze curious. "I hadn't heard that before."

"Mmm… well, regardless, I think it's true sometimes."

"Perhaps. But between you and me, I think they may be ill-suited to each other," he said, turning back to look down the street.

"You think so?"

He shrugged. "Edward just seems to overpower her. When she was away from him, she seemed to… shine."

"Sounds like you've thought a lot about this," I said knowingly.

He blinked. "Oh. No… not really. It's just an observation," he said, reddening slightly.

Tom cleared his throat and changed the subject. "The Orpheum's just around the corner."

A group of people clustered on the corner, waiting for an opportunity to cross the street. We made our way through them carefully and emerged out the other side. I stumbled slightly and Tom caught my arm, steadying me.

Then I Iooked up… and I was speechless.

The Orpheum was no suburban multiplex. It was amazing.

The building itself was five stories tall, but the entryway to the theater was defined by a two-story arch of carved stone and gilt, topped by a sinuous statue of a goddess. Letters spelling out "Orpheum Theater" spanned the arch, illuminated by bright lights and sparkling white stone. Under the arch, a seashell pattern radiated outward from the carving of a peacock in the center. The words "Continuous Vaudeville" were inscribed around the edge of the seashell in gold-painted letters.

"Continuous Vaudeville," I repeated, half to myself.

"Not any more," Tom laughed. "Vaudeville's dead. Haven't you heard?"

I smiled wryly but didn't reply.

"I don't see Edward and Samantha anywhere," he said, stretching his neck to search the crowd in front of the theater. "Maybe we should get in line for our tickets while we wait for them."

We joined the line at the ticket office and I continued to marvel at the extravagance of the movie theater. It was a little sad to think that in my time, most of the theaters like this had been shut down and demolished. Nobody wanted the "experience" any more. The money was in the multiplex.

Tom tried to pay for me but I won that battle, plopping down my dime with a wry smile and taking my ticket. We stood off to the side of the entry doors and in a few minutes saw Edward and Samantha rushing down the street toward us.

"Sorry we're late," Edward said, irritated. "I couldn't find a place to park."

Samantha walked up and threw her arms around my neck. "I'm so glad you came!" she exclaimed. I returned the hug awkwardly.

Why did she have to be so _nice_?

"I'm glad I came too," I said genuinely. "It's good to see you."

She squeezed me once more before pulling back and nodding at Tom.

"Hello, Tom," she said shyly, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

"Miss Swenson," he replied with a smile and a tilt of his head.

Edward cleared his throat and everyone jumped a little.

Geez, Edward. Territorial much?

"Tom already got your tickets," I said, breaking the tension.

"Thanks," Edward pulled out two dimes and gave them to Tom in exchange for the tickets. "Anyone want popcorn before we go in?"

"They don't sell it inside?" I asked.

Edward shot me a curious look. "No, but there's a cart right there." He pointed to a red cart with bright yellow wheels in the street in front of the theater. A red and white striped awning extended from the roof, and I could see a sign advertising popcorn as well as roasted peanuts.

Tom and Edward each bought a bag of popcorn, and we stopped and bought bottles of coke from another vendor.

"It sure would be convenient to have a place where you could buy snacks and drinks inside the theater," I said dryly. "They could call it a snack bar… or maybe a concession stand."

"The theater owners don't like the mess." Edward shrugged. "They don't even like people out here selling it, but there's not much they can do about it."

"Oh, I think they'll come around," I said archly. "After all, they could make a fortune selling snacks."

Edward scoffed, "A fortune? How much do you think people would pay for a bag of popcorn? It would be more trouble than it's worth." He turned away muttering, "Ridiculous!"

I took a deep breath.

I _would_ control my temper.

Edward looped Samantha's hand through his elbow and motioned to the entrance. "Shall we?" He grinned, sweeping her through the heavy doors. Tom and I mockingly mimicked his gesture and followed them.

 

  


_Inside the Orpheum Theater_

 

The inside of the Orpheum was just as impressive as the outside. Tom and I trailed behind Edward and Samantha, and I tried not to gape at the lavish surroundings. We walked across plush red carpet and I noticed curving staircases along either side of the spacious lobby. After passing through another set of doors, we emerged on one of two wide aisles on the main floor. I took in rows of opera-style seats of dark red velvet, then looked up to find brass-railed balconies with several private boxes like you'd expect to see at a Broadway show. It reminded me a little of the Paramount Theater in Seattle. But where the Paramount's glamour was dimmed a little by age and history, the Orpheum still bore the fresh face of youth.

A uniformed usher approached us. "Good evening. May I help you find a seat?"

I glanced at his red, military-style uniform and brimless cap edged with gold braiding, then realized there were at least twenty identical ushers moving up and down the aisles. He led us to four adjacent seats about halfway down the center section. Edward allowed Samantha to precede him and Tom did the same for me. That left Edward and me sitting next to each other.

Okay… now what?

I watched him in my peripheral vision and his jaw clenched. I knew I irritated him. I'd have to work on that. If I was going to save him, I had to at least get him to like me first.

"Do you go to the movies often?" I asked tentatively.

He flashed me a surprised glance. "Oh… yes. Now and then. You?"

"Sure."

He cleared his throat. "What was the last film you saw?"

Uh oh. Don't say _Avatar_.

I searched my brain and settled on something Tom had said earlier. "Ummm… That one with Charlie Chaplin?"

He smirked. "Are you asking me or telling me?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Telling you. What was the last film you saw?"

" _The Adventurer_."

"Was it good?"

He looked at me, eyebrows arched. "You tell me. That's Chaplin's most recent film."

I gulped and looked away. "Oh yeah. I forgot the name of it."

"Mmm hmm."

I shot him an irritated glance. "You're really quite aggravating. You know that?"

He bit his cheek to keep from laughing. "You're the only one who seems to think so."

"I sincerely doubt that."

"Well, for some reason, you seem to bring out the worst in me," he admitted.

"I don't know why," I said haughtily. "Most people find me extraordinarily amiable."

"Amiable, huh?" he chuckled.

"Extraordinarily," I emphasized with a pointed look.

"Undoubtedly those are people who agree with your rather radical views on society," he said, his mouth tilting up in a crooked grin. My heart stopped for a beat before starting to thump again slowly in my chest. How could he still do that to me when I was so annoyed with him?

I swallowed, looking away from that grin so I could collect my thoughts. "Edward, my views are not radical. They're logical."

"If you say so."

I started to reply, but the lights dimmed twice, indicating the film was about to start.

"This isn't over," I whispered, and I heard him chuckle again.

Then the lights went down.

I inhaled sharply at the familiar feeling of the strange electricity that seemed to run through me whenever Edward was near. I first experienced it not long after we met, during a movie in Mr. Banner's biology class. The darkness seemed to intensify the current, and I had an almost irresistible urge to reach out and touch him. It was shocking that first time, but I had a little more control now – I'd kind of built up a tolerance, I guessed. Or at least after repeated exposure I'd learned enough to brace myself against the attraction.

Still, the tug was powerful and I clutched my arms across my stomach, every muscle tense. I wondered if Edward felt it at all, or if it was only part of the allure I had to him as a vampire. I couldn't see his face without turning my head, but his hands were clenched on top of his knees, the knuckles white. Maybe he did feel something.

I breathed deeply through my nose - trying to maintain control - and turned my attention to the screen, where a grainy newsreel described the latest events in the "Great War". Grainy black and white film footage and photographs interspersed with screens of white lettering on a black background described a recent military offensive in Europe. I glanced around and every eye was riveted on the screen, every face intense and concentrating. The war evidently, was serious business.

Then a black and white cartoon of a cat flying an airplane began, sparking bursts of laughter throughout the auditorium.

"Don't you love Krazy Kat?" Tom asked me through his guffaws.

I just nodded with a smile.

The cartoon was blissfully short, but followed by – wait for it – a sing-a-long.

That's right, a sing-a-long.

God help me.

The crowd loved it though, and strains of " _Over There_ " and " _It's a Long Way to Tipperary_ " rang through the theater, the words glowing on the screen. Tom's off-key belting contrasted harshly with Edward's melodic tones, and over the two of them I could hear Samantha harmonizing in a clear, high soprano.

I knew she could sing.

I mouthed the words and huddled down in my seat.

The one positive note in it all was that it sufficiently distracted me from my desire to climb over the arm of my seat, straddle Edward, and molest him thoroughly.

Okay, I was still thinking about it, but I was controlling myself.

Finally, the main feature began and I tried to concentrate on the action on the screen.

Well, I use the term "action" rather loosely.

I'd never seen a silent movie before, and at first I found the exaggerating acting style and lack of… well… dialogue, a little distracting. But after a while, I was able to follow along. It was kind of like watching those Spanish soap operas when you didn't speak Spanish. You didn't know what they were saying, but you got the gist of it.

Of course the soap operas involved a lot more face-slapping and passionate kissing -sometimes in the same scene - but I had to say _Stella Maris_ wasn't bad. Mary Pickford, a sweet-faced ingénue did in fact play two roles: Stella, the beautiful, paralyzed heiress, and Unity Blake, a homely servant. Stella fell in love with a family friend named John. Unity worked for John's wife, a miserable alcoholic named Louise.

Unity fell in love with John too, but realized she could never have him. So instead, she murdered Louise so Stella could be with John, then killed herself.

Okay, it really was like a soap opera.

The audience burst into applause at the closing credits and as the lights came up, I noticed Edward stretching and flexing his fingers. I guess he'd been white-knuckling his kneecaps through the whole thing.

It was nice to think that perhaps I wasn't the only one affected by our little connection.

Or maybe his knees were just cold.

We walked out of the theater as we discussed the movie.

"Well, I think it was terribly romantic," Samantha said dreamily. "Poor Unity sacrificing herself so John and Stella could be happy together. She was so selfless."

I snorted. Yes, I actually snorted.

All three of them turned to look at me.

"I take it you disagree, Bella?" Edward asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"You don't think it was romantic, Bella?" Samantha persisted.

"Well, no," I said finally. "I mean… I think Stella and Unity were both idiots." I avoided looking at Edward and Tom and focused on Samantha.

"I mean think of it, Samantha - what was so great about John? He went along with Stella's parents when they decided to isolate her in that room and tell her nothing about the outside world. He stayed married to that abusive drunk, Louise. He did nothing to help Unity at all. Yet he's the one who gets the happy ending? And poor Unity commits murder _and_ suicide for a guy like that?" I paused and took in Samantha's pensive gaze.

Hopeful, I continued, "And come on, after all of this, Stella _happens_ to get a miracle surgery and can walk again, just in time to go trotting off into the sunset with that loser John? Please!" I threw up my hands in exasperation.

"So what do you think should have happened, Bella?" Edward asked mockingly. "Please enlighten us."

I shot him an annoyed glare and turned back to Samantha. "Stella should have hired Unity to get her away from Louise. They could have become friends. Stella gets her surgery and _Voila_! She's walking again. She helps Unity with a makeover, because let's face it, the girl could use a little makeup and a new hairstyle. They go out on the town, find a couple of interesting and handsome men – who respect women as equals…" I glanced at Edward, who rolled his eyes at me. "They fall in love… John's stuck with Louise since they deserve each other… double wedding… credits roll."

Samantha blinked at me, her mouth agape.

I looked at Tom, who wore a similar expression.

And Edward burst out laughing.

"You really don't like John," he observed, clutching his stomach in hysterics.

I suppressed a smile. "No. John is a jerk."

This brought on a whole new round of merriment.

I swallowed a chuckle. "He didn't deserve Stella _or_ Unity."

He gasped. "And Unity needed a… what did you call it? A… makeover?"

I fought the laughter but was losing the battle. "I'm all for equality, but a girl's got to at least make an effort." I finally gave in, giggling hysterically.

Edward couldn't breathe. He held out a hand. "Wait… wait…." he panted. " _Voila!_ " he shouted, throwing both hands into the air like a magician.

We broke into another round of uproarious laughter and I clung to his arm, leaning on him for support.

"Stop… stop," I begged. "My side hurts…"

"Maybe you need miracle surgery!" Edward guffawed.

" _Voila!_ " we shouted together.

Wheezing, we leaned on each other, trying to control our raucous laughter, and turned toward Tom and Samantha…

Who were both looking at us like we'd lost our ever-loving minds.

We both straightened, glancing at each other and stifling our giggles. Edward ran a hand through his hair, then over his face and took a deep breath. I smoothed my skirt and wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Are you all right?" Samantha asked.

"Fine," I answered with a shrug and a broken chuckle.

She looked back and forth between Edward and me. "Maybe we should go find the car," she offered hesitantly, touching Edward's arm.

Edward nodded then added to Tom and me, "We'd be happy to give you a ride to the boarding house."

"Isn't it out of your way?" I asked.

Samantha dismissed my comment with a wave. "Oh, it's nothing," she said, "and Edward's motor car has plenty of room. Come on, you don't want to ride the streetcar at night." She hooked her arm through mine and tugged me down the street.

"We had to park a few blocks away, but it's a warm night. It will be nice to walk," she said with a smile.

We took a few steps away from the guys and she turned to me with a conspiratorial smile. "You know, Bella," she said quietly, "I liked your movie better."

I grinned at her.

"You're different from anyone I know," she added.

"I'll bet," I said sardonically.

"I don't mean that in a bad way," she corrected me. "You just have all these strange ideas, but somehow when you talk about them… they don't seem so… strange."

"Thanks… I think," I said with a smile.

Samantha glanced back at Tom and Edward walking behind us. Convinced they couldn't overhear our conversation, she continued. "I think I might like to go to college," she whispered.

"Really, Samantha? That's wonderful!"

"I haven't decided… and I haven't said anything to my parents… or Edward. I don't know how they would react."

I thought a moment. "A friend of mine recently gave me some advice that I think applies here: 'Just be patient. Say what you want calmly and clearly. They'll come around eventually.'"

"You think so?" she asked skeptically.

"Yes, I do."

"I mentioned it to Tom," she said, coloring slightly. "He thought it was a great idea."

"Tom's a smart guy."

"What are you girls talking about?" Edward asked, as the two of them caught up with us.

"Nothing much," I said airily, and then a flyer posted on the side of a brick building caught my attention. I walked over for a closer look, bringing Samantha with me. I could feel the mental eye roll of Tom and Edward before they followed us reluctantly.

"A suffrage meeting," I read thoughtfully, turning to Samantha with a start. "Women can't vote?"

Samantha regarded me carefully. "Well in some elections, yes, but not in all of them. That's why there's a suffrage movement."

The "duh" seemed implied.

This was amazing. My mind flashed back to the article I had read in the hospital waiting room my first night here. I was so busy trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't that it hadn't even really clicked that I was reading about the suffrage movement – written by someone who'd experienced it first hand. I didn't remember exactly when it happened, but I knew the constitutional amendment guaranteeing women the vote would pass soon… within a year or two. Setting aside my primary reason for traveling to 1918, I found I couldn't resist the temptation to participate in a little history-making of my own.

"We have to go to this meeting," I said to Samantha firmly.

"You're a suffragette too?" Edward asked scornfully.

"You say it like it's a dirty word," I snapped back.

"It just seems like it's never enough for you people," he spat back. "The Illinois legislature already gave women the vote years ago."

"Actually, Edward," Samantha interrupted quietly, "that's only for some elections. Women in this state still aren't allowed to vote for state representatives or the governor. And we still have to use separate ballots and ballot boxes."

"That's ridiculous!" I exclaimed, outraged, only belatedly noticing Edward looking at Samantha in shock. Guess he wasn't used to her speaking up.

"What's ridiculous is the idea of a constitutional amendment – you realize that's what these women want, right? They want to change the Constitution!" Edward seethed. "It's a mob mentality – and now you're dragging Samantha into this madness."

"Now Edward…" Samantha began.

"Dragging Samantha?" I shouted. "I'm not dragging her anywhere! I simply can not believe that anyone would be against the idea of women voting." I stared at him, my eyes wide, and I saw him flick his glance between the two of us before he spoke, a little more quietly.

"It's not that I have anything against it per se," he replied, as if trying to calm a small child. "It's just that I think it's unnecessary."

I gaped at him. "How can you even say that?"

He was trying to maintain his composure, but I saw the muscle in his jaw clench. "A woman's husband represents the entire family. His vote does that as well."

"And what if a woman isn't married… or if she disagrees with her husband?" My heart rate was speeding up again.

"Well, then it's just a waste of two votes." He threw his hands in the air, any façade of calm irrevocably broken. "She and her husband would cancel each other out."

"That is so not the point, Edward!" I argued.

"Well, what is the point, Bella?" He mimicked my tone.

I took a deep breath. Be patient. Stay cool. "Edward, do you think women are less intelligent than men?"

He hesitated briefly. "No…"

"Okay, do you think they have the ability to become as informed on the issues as men? That they can read the newspaper… listen to speeches and absorb the facts?"

He flashed a glance at Tom, who just shrugged in response.

_No help there, buddy._

"Yes," he said finally.

"Do you think women have their own opinions on the issues?"

He smirked. "I think you're adequate evidence of that."

"Okay, I'll give you that one." I shrugged then continued. "So given all of that, don't you think that a woman has just as much right to voice her opinion when it comes to politics? I mean, the decisions made by our government affect women just as much as men, don't they?"

Edward thought a moment. "I suppose so," he said slowly, "if she really wanted to."

_Victory!_

"So, Bella," he continued. "Who are you supporting in the election this fall?"

_Crap._

"Um… the Democrat?"

Edward chuckled.

"Hey, I'm new in town. I plan on getting fully acquainted with the candidates and the issues," I said defensively. "And when the time comes, I will be informed and ready."

"Spoken like a true suffragette." Edward grinned.

"Damn straight."

"You have an awfully foul mouth for a lady," he said reproachfully.

"Well, a true gentleman wouldn't point it out… it's rude," I retorted.

"Okay, okay," Tom interrupted. "Can we please go to the car? You both are giving me a headache!"

Edward and I smiled at each other briefly before continuing down the street, and I couldn't help feeling like I had finally made some progress.

x-x

I thought I might be going crazy.

Of course, if I told anyone what I had been through these last couple of weeks they'd undoubtedly agree, but the time-traveling wasn't what I was referring to.

It was the visions… and the voices.

Well, just one voice actually: Alice's.

She continued to invade my dreams, which on its own wouldn't be that disturbing. I mean you can't control your dreams, after all.

But it wasn't just the dreams anymore.

I'd started hearing, and - on two occasions - _seeing_ Alice when I was wide awake.

It's not that the visions were frightening, really. I mean Alice could never be scary. It was just so… unsettling.

She always said the same thing – she'd call my name like she was looking for me, then she'd beg me to come back. I didn't know if she was a product of my subconscious trying to draw me back to my present time… or if fate, or God, or someone else was trying to send me some kind of message. The problem was that I had no idea what to do with that message.

So for the most part, I tried to ignore it.

Sunday morning, Maggie was teaching me how to bake bread. I'd made it before, but with a mix and a bread maker - so it didn't really count. We were kneading dough side by side on the kitchen table when I heard Alice calling to me.

On reflex, I turned toward the voice. Then just as quickly, I tried to pretend that I hadn't.

"Something wrong, dear?" Maggie asked.

"No, nothing," I replied, kneading harder.

The voice continued to call to me and I kneaded… and ignored it.

Then I caught a flash of motion to my right and turned to see Alice's face reflected in the kitchen window. I dropped the dough on the floor and gasped.

"Bella! You have to come back!" she shouted, then the reflection vanished and all I saw were the trees in the back yard.

"Bella!" Maggie had me by the shoulder, shaking me. "Bella! What is it?"

I blinked. "Nothing… it's nothing."

She led me to a chair and I dropped into it.

"That wasn't nothing. You looked like you'd seen a ghost!" she exclaimed.

I laughed humorlessly. "You have no idea."

Maggie wiped her hands on a towel and sat across from me, looking into my eyes intently. I looked away and she sighed.

"All right, you don't have to tell me," she said, bending to pick up my wasted dough and tossing it into the trash can. I could tell she was hurt.

I stood and threw my arms around her. "Maggie, I'm sorry. Really, I just can't talk about it. Believe me, when I can you'll be the first one I come to."

She patted my hand and changed the subject. "So, how did you like the moving picture last night?"

I shrugged. "It was all right. Kind of depressing."

"Yes, I heard about that film. It sounded depressing." She eyed me speculatively. "How was Edward?"

I punched her dough. "Aggravating as always. But I think he's coming around."

She smiled and was about to say something when the doorbell rang.

"I wonder who that could be," she murmured, wiping her hands on her apron as she walked to the door. A moment later she called out to me.

I walked out of the kitchen to find Samantha standing shyly in the living room.

"Hello, Bella, I'm sorry to just come by without calling first. I would have called, but I didn't know the number and I couldn't remember Maggie's last name, so I couldn't find it in the directory. There wasn't a listing for Maggie's Boarding House…" she rambled nervously.

"Samantha, it's fine." I laughed. "I'm glad to see you."

"Oh, good… thank you." She smiled, visibly relieved.

Geez, was I that scary?

"Ummm…. We were just making bread. Do you want to come back in the kitchen?"

"Oh… no… thank you." She seemed flustered again. "Actually, I was wondering if you might be free for lunch?"

Lunch? This was… weird.

"Well, I was helping Maggie…" I hesitated.

"Nonsense!" Maggie interjected. "Go on to lunch with your friend." She shot me a pointed look and I looked away. "I'm sure you have a lot to talk about."

"Ummm… all right." I looked at my floury hands. "Just let me clean up a little and I'll be right back."

Samantha sat on the little couch by the front door, and I pulled off my apron as I ascended the stairs. After washing my hands and splashing some cool water on my face, I surveyed my appearance in the mirror. I straightened my hair and shrugged. It didn't really matter anyway. Nobody would even notice me sitting next to the glory that was Samantha.

We walked downtown and stopped at the little café I'd seen on my first day in Chicago. We bought sandwiches and coffee and sat at a little outside table, watching the crowds rush by.

I glanced at Samantha out of the corner of my eye as I bit into my sandwich. We'd talked about nothing but superficial topics since we left the boarding house, but I had a feeling there was something on her mind. She avoided my gaze as she sipped her coffee, looking out into the street.

"It is a lovely day," she said finally.

I smirked. The weather, huh? I decided I'd play along and see how long it took for her to get to the point.

"Yes, lovely," I agreed.

"The sun is so warm." She stretched her legs out a little and I saw a waiter take notice appreciatively.

"Warm… and bright..." I added.

"Yes, it is bright… but not too bright."

"No," I all but laughed, "definitely just bright enough."

"Yes, it's perfect."

Okay, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Samantha," I said firmly.

"Yes?"

"What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, then she flushed, turning away abruptly.

"You came all the way down here to see me… and we've done nothing but talk about the weather for the past twenty minutes."

"We've talked about more than the weather," she said defensively. "I… said you had a nice… hat."

I laughed. "Oh, I stand corrected."

She smiled back, then looked away and I waited.

"It's just… I wanted to talk to you about something…" she said finally.

"I figured as much."

"But it's a little… personal."

I smiled at her, "Samantha, it's all right. You can talk to me. I consider you a friend."

And I really did. Despite all her radiant perfection, you couldn't help but like the girl.

"Really?" She glowed. "I know we just met, but I think of you as a friend too."

I set my sandwich on my plate and wiped my mouth with my napkin. "So why don't you tell me what all this is about."

She hesitated only briefly before asking, "Bella, how long have you known Tom?"

I smiled. "Not long really, I guess… a few weeks. He was the first person I met in the city. But we just… clicked… I guess you'd say." At her confused look, I added, "…like pieces in a puzzle."

"Oh." She seemed a little disappointed. "So you like him, then."

"Of course, he's a great guy."

"Oh." she looked crushed… like someone had just run over her puppy.

Oh.

_Oh._

"Samantha, it's not like that," I corrected quickly. "Tom and I are just friends. There's nothing romantic there at all."

"Really?" She brightened, then blushed. "I mean, not that it's any of my business."

"It's all right if you like him," I said encouragingly. I had decided not to push them together, but if they were already on that track I could help the train along, right?

"I do like him," she admitted. "He's smart and funny… and he likes that I want to go to college. He thinks I'm interesting."

"You are interesting, Samantha."

"I never used to think so," she said sadly, looking out over the street. "I know I'm… pretty."

"You're much more than pretty."

She offered me a small smile. "Thank you, but I wasn't looking for a compliment, and I'm not sure how to say this without sounding conceited. I mean, it's not like I did anything to be pretty. It's just how I look. It's how I was born. It's… nothing really.

"But people look at me and see my face… and my clothes… and my family's money… and they have certain… expectations."

For the first time, I felt a little sorry for Samantha. "What kind of expectations?" I asked quietly.

"Oh, that I'm vain… or pretentious… or stupid," she shrugged. "I'm supposed to be… my mother. I'm supposed to get married, raise a family, do charity work, and decorate my husband's arm at public events."

"I got the impression that was what you wanted."

She shrugged. "I thought it was. I'd never really imagined anything else. But now…" Her voice faded away and she seemed lost in thought.

"Now?"

Samantha turned back to me, "Now I think I want something more… and I'm not exactly sure what to do about it. I can't talk to my family… my mother wouldn't understand. But I thought you would."

I nodded. "I do. Believe me, I do. So what _do_ you want?"

She bit her lip. "I've been thinking I might like… to be a nurse. I want to do something… important. I could join the Red Cross and help with the war effort."

"That sounds dangerous, Samantha," I said, suddenly concerned.

She sat a little straighter. "I'm not fragile, Bella. I can help. I can make a real difference. Not just at fundraising luncheons, but where it really matters."

I nodded again, chagrined, and filled with a newfound respect for Samantha. I knew the war would be over long before Samantha finished nursing school but I admired her bravery nonetheless.

"What do you think?" she asked, uncertainty wrinkling her brow.

"I think… I think it's amazing, Samantha," I said truthfully. "I think you'd make a wonderful nurse."

She smiled brightly and pulled a piece of paper out of her purse. "I already got an application to the Illinois Training School for Nurses," she said, unfolding the paper. "I have to submit the application by the end of the month to be considered for this Fall's entering class."

I skimmed the application she showed me and handed it back to her.

"What about your parents? You have to tell them about this." I hesitated asking the next question, but forged ahead. "What about Edward?"

"Edward," she sighed. "I love Edward. You know that. I always thought we'd be together forever."

"You don't think that now?" I asked, hope swelling in my chest.

She smiled at me. "Edward would be… simple."

I snorted. "I don't think there's anything simple about Edward."

"No, that's not what I mean," she corrected. "Edward is… one of those expectations I was talking about. I told you we've known each other our whole lives. Everybody just expects we'll get married someday. It would be easy to go along with that. It would probably even help my family to accept my decision to go to nursing school if I just went ahead and married Edward."

"Would Edward accept it? It seems like he'd be a little… resistant to the idea."

"Maybe at first." Samantha smiled. "But I think he'd come around eventually, although there's no way he'd ever let me go to war." We shared a sardonic smile and she continued, "I don't know. I've never contradicted Edward."

"Really? I can't seem to do anything else." I laughed.

"I noticed." She grinned, then sobered and said quietly, "I can see our lives together, you know. It would be… pleasant. We'd have children… a beautiful home. We've always gotten along well. We hardly ever disagree. It would be comfortable, but…" Her voice trailed off.

"But what?"

"But since I've met Tom, I'm not sure that's what I want any more," she admitted. "I'm not sure _Edward_ is what I want. And I'm really questioning whether we would even be right for each other." She leaned toward me a little, as if worried we'd be overheard.

"And you think you and Tom might be right for each other?" I asked.

She blushed. "I don't know absolutely, but I think we might. What do you think I should do?"

My inner bitch was chanting, "Dump Edward! Dump Edward! _Dump Edward!"_

"I can't tell you what to do, Samantha," I said, opting for the high road. "But I do think you need to be honest with everyone involved."

She nodded. "I know. I need to talk to Edward. It's not fair for me to continue to spend time with him when I have these feelings for Tom." She eyed me carefully. "I have a feeling he won't be that disappointed, though."

"Why do you say that?"

Samantha smiled. "I'm not what Edward wants, Bella. Even if he doesn't realize it yet, I'm not what he needs."

"Samantha… you're pretty much perfect."

"Bella, I'm far from perfect, but that's not what I mean." She sat back, taking a sip of her lukewarm coffee. "Edward is a… strong personality."

"That's putting it mildly," I scoffed.

Samantha ignored me, continuing, "He needs someone just as strong. He needs someone who challenges him… someone who puts him in his place once in a while." She paused for a moment and then added quietly, "He needs someone like you."

I had reached for my sandwich and paused mid-bite. "Samantha, Edward can barely stand to be in the same room with me. All we do is argue."

"You seemed to enjoy each other last night. You couldn't stop laughing."

"A very uncharacteristic moment in our relationship," I said brusquely. "Trust me. Edward thinks I'm a loud-mouthed radical. We don't agree on anything."

"That's what he needs, Bella," Samantha said passionately. "You stimulate him… he's never met anyone like you before."

I chewed on my sandwich and said nothing for a moment. I had been so frustrated about my progress, or lack thereof, when it came to my relationship with Edward. But could Samantha be right? Could he actually enjoy our verbal sparring?

"Do you really think he likes me?"

Samantha smiled knowingly. "He does… but I don't think he's grasped it just yet." She paused. "You like him, don't you?"

"I don't know that I'd say I _like_ him," I admitted. "He's arrogant and annoying and just about drives me crazy…" I struggled for a way to explain my connection to Edward. "But I have to admit… I'm… drawn to him."

"He's drawn to you too."

"Really?"

"I've seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching," she revealed. "You confuse him… but you also intrigue him.

"Edward has always had an uncanny ability to read people." Samantha bit her lip, choosing her words carefully. "It's amazing, really. He can almost predict how they will react in certain situations. Most of the time he knows what I'm going to say before I even open my mouth," she admitted wryly.

I smirked a little at this, but didn't interrupt.

"But you test his instincts, Bella. He has no idea what you're thinking. You're unpredictable… a fascinating puzzle he's not sure how to solve… and one I doubt he'll be able to leave alone."

I absorbed this information in silence as Samantha finished her coffee and wiped her mouth.

"Are you ready to go?" she asked.

I nodded and we left the café, strolling quietly back toward the boarding house.

"Oh!" Samantha exclaimed as we neared the front steps. "You have to come to my birthday party next Saturday."

"Your birthday?" I smiled. "Sure, I'd love to come."

Samantha smiled wickedly. "Of course, you should bring Tom."

I returned her grin. "Of course."

"And Edward will be there…" she said, tapping her fingers on her lips

"Samantha, I get the strangest feeling that you're up to something."

Samantha laughed as she turned to walk back down the street.

"I'm becoming a modern woman, Bella," she shouted back at me. "Don't you realize we always have a plan?"


	9. Of Butting Heads and Birthday Parties

_**"Love withers with predictability; its very essence is surprise and amazement. To make love a prisoner of the mundane is to take its passion and lose it forever."** _

_**\- Leo Buscaglia** _

**Chapter 8 – Of Butting Heads and Birthday Parties**

My life, as crazy as it was, had taken on a semblance of normalcy. I'd work at the hospital, Carlisle would walk me home each morning before the sun came up, I'd sleep through most of the day, help Maggie around the house, then go back to work.

In a way, I was growing comfortable in this strange, new world. Or rather, old world.

Whatever.

After my lunch with Samantha, I tortured myself by running our conversation over and over in my head. It was obvious to me, and becoming even more so to her, that she wasn't in love with Edward. Although I couldn't understand it, I could believe it. I had witnessed her with both Edward and Tom – and for some reason, she seemed drawn to my roommate. I'd come to believe that at least from Samantha's viewpoint, Edward was more of a brother-figure.

What I didn't believe though, was that Edward felt the same way. I'd seen the way he watched her, in a protective, loving way. It was obvious he cared deeply for her… and he'd admitted they'd most likely be married someday. They had a bond that I wasn't sure I could break even if I wanted to, which I was pretty sure I didn't.

I didn't really want to break it… just bend it a little… but how Edward felt about that bond, I just didn't know.

Even without the vampire mystique that I had come to expect from him, Edward remained a mystery to me in so many ways. He hid his emotions well, and no matter how hard I looked, I couldn't see beneath his arrogant exterior beyond what he allowed.

Samantha had said I confuse him. I'd buy that.

But she also said I intrigue him.

Of that I wasn't so sure.

I frustrated him. I knew that. Amused him. Obviously. But whether that extended into the realm of attraction or intrigue?

I wasn't convinced.

What I did know, was that I was the only one who could save his life. The arguing and fighting and mocking all had to be set aside in light of that one goal, because despite it all, I still loved him. When I looked at that eyebrow raised in derision or that smirk at my expense… when he said something stupid and chauvinistic that tightened a curl of anger and frustration in my belly… I still loved him.

Go figure.

So I had to move forward. I had to put myself in front of him, gain his trust, build a friendship, and hopefully win his love - because without it, I hadn't a hope in hell of getting him out of Chicago.

I sighed deeply.

"Something wrong, Bella?" Carlisle looked at me quizzically. We were working in his laboratory categorizing slides and I'd let my mind drift again.

Okay, it happened a lot. I didn't know why he put up with me.

I often struggled with how much to tell Carlisle. We had maintained a kind of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" relationship. I hinted that I knew his secret, but he never came out and asked me about it after our first "I know things" conversation in front of the boarding house. He seemed content to believe that I was some kind of psychic, but he didn't press me for information outside of what I'd dubbed "The Great Influenza Interrogation".

Sometimes I really wanted to just disclose everything. I told myself he'd think I was crazy, but deep down I knew he would accept my story eventually and help in any way he could. I mean, he was _Carlisle_. That's the kind of guy he was.

Yet I couldn't get beyond the whole "crack whore" argument. Who knew how much I was affecting the future just by being there? I had to be careful.

I could step on a butterfly and the polio vaccine would never be invented… or electric cars… or the Ipod.

It was a lot of responsibility.

So I maintained that my best course of action was to fit in as well as I could, keep my crazy story to myself, and make as little an impact as possible. Well, except for the whole Saving Edward plan, of course.

I figured he was off the grid once he turned seventeen anyway. He couldn't have had much of an impact on the invention of the Ipod.

Carlisle was still watching me, a curious smile on his lips. I picked up a stack of slides and began to sort them.

"Sorry," I said. "I was just thinking."

"You want to talk about it?"

I hesitated at first, then realized Carlisle was probably a good person to go to for advice. I mean the guy was two hundred years old. He had a lot of life experience to draw on.

"Well, see… I have this… friend," I began, flashing him a glance. I saw him smirk and knew he was on to me. Still, he maintained the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and let me continue.

"She's been in love with this guy for a long time, but he's in love with someone else… although the someone else he's in love with says he's not really in love with her… and she's actually falling in love with someone else too…"

"Whoa! Wait a second, Bella," Carlisle interrupted with a laugh. "You're going to have to slow down a little."

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "See, it's my friend Samantha."

"The one you met at the picnic?" I'd mentioned her to Carlisle before.

"Yes, that's her," I nodded. "Everyone expects her to marry her childhood sweetheart… Edward." I gulped a little at the mention of his name. "But she told me she's kind of interested in Tom Jacobsen… my friend from the boarding house?" Carlisle nodded, indicating he remembered Tom.

"So what's the problem?" he asked.

"I'm worried that Edward will be hurt."

"You don't really have any control over that, Bella," he pointed out.

"It's just…" I struggled for the right words. "Do you believe in destiny?"

Carlisle thought for a moment, set down the slides he was holding and walked over to sit down at his desk. I took a seat across from him and waited for his reply.

"I don't know if I believe in destiny per se," he said finally. "The idea that our lives are mapped out in front of us... it just seems too… simple, I suppose. I believe in free will, so in a way that's at odds with a belief in destiny." He paused, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his hand absently over his mouth. "But I also believe we each have a purpose… and that people come into our lives for a reason." He looked at me intently, and I squirmed a little under his scrutiny.

He obviously was saying something that had nothing to do with Samantha and Edward, but I couldn't deal with that at the moment.

"If I wasn't here," I began, "Samantha would never have met Tom. Most likely she would have just gone on with her life, married Edward, had babies… yada yada yada," I muttered, waving my hands.

Carlisle chuckled and I rolled my eyes.

"What if that's what was supposed to happen? What if I destroyed something that was destined to be?"

I knew Edward wouldn't have married Samantha - Carlisle would have changed him long before that - but Samantha and Tom… should _that_ happen?

Had I inadvertently created a "crack whore" situation for the two of them?

God, it was giving me a headache.

"You can't keep second-guessing yourself, Bella. You can't take the weight of destiny upon your shoulders." He leaned forward on his desk earnestly. "You came to town. You happened to meet Tom… and Samantha… and Edward. You didn't force any of them to do anything, and you can't take credit or blame for whatever decisions they make. If you try, you'll just drive yourself crazy.

"At the risk of sounding insensitive, I have to say you're just not that important."

"Well, thanks a lot," I muttered.

"You're welcome." Carlisle grinned, then his face grew serious. "I know you have certain… gifts, Bella, and believe me, I understand how that can make you feel like you have some sort of responsibility to everyone around you.

"It can be hard to accept, but take it from me - you can't save the world."

x-x

I tried to take Carlisle's advice to heart and just relax about the whole Tom/Samantha situation. I mean, I really didn't know anything about them as far as the future was concerned. For all I knew, after Edward "died" Samantha and Tom met at the grocery store and fell in love over a pile of cantaloupes. Maybe I just sped up the process a bit.

Hey, it could happen.

But in reality, there was no way for me to know for sure, so I had to just resign myself to dealing with the issue as best as I could.

I figured if I was sent here for a reason, whoever sent me kind of had an idea of what I'd do when I got here. Maybe Maggie had it right and I just had to follow my heart and hope for the best.

The problem was that when it came to Edward, I wasn't sure where my heart was leading me.

On the one hand, I wondered if I should try and become what Edward wanted. Normally I would scoff at the idea, but my time to save him was running short, and I debated whether my deception could be justified in the long run. I could try and become the early twentieth century woman Edward is looking for.

But could I really be sweet and polite? Docile and submissive?

Ummm… probably not.

It wasn't for a lack of trying. I normally had a good handle on my temper and was pretty good about staying calm, even in confrontational circumstances.

I remembered one time when this asshole stole my parking space at the mall. It was two days before Christmas, and I had driven three hours to Olympia in search of a particular fishing reel for Charlie. I sat and waited while a woman with two kids loaded up her purchase in the back of her SUV, tapping my fingers anxiously on the steering wheel of my truck.

When she finally pulled out, my truck stalled and as I moved to start it up again, this guy in a black sports car swept into the parking space. I honked at him as he left his car, pressing his key fob to lock the door, and he promptly flipped me the bird.

I could have rammed my big red truck right into the back of that shiny black Porsche.

I could have, but I didn't.

Instead, I very calmly found another space – ten rows further from the mall entrance. I very calmly walked back to his pretty, pretty car.

And I very calmly let the air out of his left front tire.

I know… I know… and I don't condone vandalism as a general rule. But come on – like you wouldn't have wanted to do the very same thing?

Besides, I figured I was being generous in my choice of tire. At least he would have seen it right away when he returned. If I'd chosen the right rear, he might not have noticed it until he was driving down the road and it could have caused serious damage to his custom rim.

Really, he should have been grateful.

Still, I found it difficult to show such restraint where Edward was concerned. No matter how many times I chided myself to control my temper, just a few words from him and I would lose it. He seemed to know just what buttons to push to trigger Bitchy Bella. And once she got loose, it was difficult to rein her back in.

Maybe I should try yoga.

So although I thought becoming what Edward wanted might be the best option, it seemed a little unfeasible. I was left with Option Number Two: Be myself and hope whatever miracle it was that made him fall in love with me the first time, would repeat itself.

Hey, if I couldn't believe in miracles, who could?

x-x

The meeting of the Chicago Women's Association took place in the basement of the First Presbyterian Church – a large, gothic building just a few blocks from the Orpheum Theater.

I entered the building quietly, clutching the satchel holding my uniform and trying to draw as little attention to myself as possible. Samantha had been unable to go with me, citing a previous charity commitment with her mother. I knew she was trying to work up the courage to talk to her mom about the changes in her life, so I couldn't fault her choice.

The church was enormous – quiet and beautiful – and sunlight streamed through stained glass windows, shedding colored light on the padded benches and illuminating dancing dust motes in its iridescent beams.

I followed a group of women I saw moving off to the side of the main sanctuary down a flight of stairs to a large meeting room. I sat in the last row in a folding wooden chair, my eyes lighting on a large table bearing coffee, tea, and several plates of cookies and other treats.

My stomach rumbled and I stood to examine the refreshments a little more closely.

As I tried to decide between a thumbprint cookie with raspberry jam and some kind of chocolate covered wafer, a quiet voice grabbed my attention.

"It's hard to choose, isn't it?" the voice said. "I'd just take both."

I turned to meet a pair of pale blue eyes, crinkling at the corners with amusement.

"Ummm… yeah," I stifled a giggle. "I guess I could do that. Didn't want to make a pig of myself."

"Dear, if you're going to make it through one of these meetings, you'll need your strength," she said, piling both cookies and several others on a small plate and handing it to me. "I'm Eleanor, by the way," she said, holding out a hand. "Eleanor Donahue."

I fumbled with my plate and cup, finally setting them back on the table and shaking her hand. "Bella Swan. It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise, dear." She smiled, pouring herself a cup of coffee, and I took a moment to gather my wits and absorb her rather intense aura. I knew immediately that Eleanor was one of those women who commanded attention when she entered a room. She was statuesque – probably close to six feet tall – and wore a fitted dark gray suit with a bright red blouse. I could tell she was older from the hint of wrinkles on her face, but I couldn't tell how much older. Her brown hair was unmarred by gray and tucked up into a large red hat with a sweeping black ostrich feather.

Not many people could pull off the feather, but she was rocking it.

"So what have you decided?" she asked, turning to face me.

"I'm sorry?" I stammered. "Decided about what?"

"About me." She grinned. "You've been staring at me, obviously trying to make your mind up about something."

I flushed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare."

"Don't worry about it honey." She laughed. "It happens all the time." She patted my arm and led me back to the row of chairs.

"So, Bella Swan," she began as we sat down and arranged our refreshments. "I haven't seen you at a meeting before. Are you new in town?"

I sipped my coffee and nodded. "Yes, I've only been here a few weeks."

"Have you been active in the movement?"

The movement?

"Oh… the suffrage movement?" She looked at me oddly, so I quickly added. "No. I haven't, but I've recently become quite interested in the idea."

"Well don't get your hopes up that anything important will happen today," she said, before taking a bite of her cookie. "I swear these women are like a bunch of cackling hens who can't agree on anything."

I noticed three women across the room staring at us. They quickly lowered their gazes and I turned away only to notice two other ladies watching us from the other side of the room.

I looked down at my dress, checking for spills and stains.

"What's the matter, honey?" Eleanor asked, noticing my discomfort.

"Ummm… I don't know. People are staring at me. Do I have something on my face?"

"Oh that." She waved a hand. "They're not staring at you, sweetie. They're staring at me. I should warn you, I have a bit of a reputation."

"A reputation? Why?"

"Well, I tend to have a rather… unconventional view on relationships."

"What do you mean?"

She sipped her coffee. "I was married for twenty-three years," she said finally. "My husband died six years ago."

"I'm so sorry," I murmured.

"Thank you." She offered me a small smile and continued, "We had a good marriage compared to many, I suppose, but in truth I hadn't been happy for a long time. I found it… stifling. I loved my husband, but there was no passion there.

"I didn't find passion until Pierre." She sighed dreamily.

"Pierre?" I repeated.

"Hmmmm…" She smiled as if lost in thought. "After the funeral I went on a tour of the Continent. That was the start of the demise of my reputation – many people thought I should have stayed locked in my house draped in sackcloth and ashes." She grimaced and shuddered. "I met Pierre at a little café in Paris. He took me home and came back to Chicago with me a week later. We were together for eight months." Eleanor lowered her voice, "You should have seen the looks I got walking down the street on the arm of a 22-year-old Frenchman."

"I would imagine so," I murmured in awe. "Not that I'm judging… I would never do that," I added quickly.

"Oh, don't worry about it." Eleanor patted my arm comfortingly. "I gave up worrying about what people think of me a long time ago."

I opened my mouth to say something, then snapped it shut abruptly.

"Go ahead," Eleanor encouraged me, "ask me anything."

"What happened to Pierre?"

"Oh, he wanted more," she said sadly. "He wanted to marry me, and that was something I just wasn't prepared to do. He went back to Paris."

"Do you think you'd ever get married again?"

She laughed. "No. I think I've given up on that particular institution."

"Don't you get lonely?"

Eleanor leaned toward me conspiratorially. "Just because I've renounced marriage doesn't mean I've given up men, sweetie."

My eyes widened. "So, you have a boyfriend?"

She giggled. "Several, actually."

I gaped, my mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.

"So I think you can see why the genteel ladies of Chicago might frown on my presence here," she explained. "A woman of my… advanced years… entertaining younger men…"

"How much younger?" I asked, unable to resist.

Eleanor wiggled her eyebrows. "Young enough."

I laughed. "So you're a…"

"Lady of ill repute? Deviant? Wanton hussy?" she finished with a smirk.

"I was going to say 'free spirit'."

"Free spirit?" she repeated. "I rather like that." She finished her coffee and set her cup under her chair. "And I like you, Bella Swan," she added. "The rest of these biddies tolerate me because I'm filthy rich and contribute generously to their causes. They don't think I notice them looking down their self-righteous noses at me behind my back.

"But enough about me," she said, brushing crumbs off her skirt. "Tell me about you."

I didn't get a chance to answer, because a heavyset, middle-aged woman called the meeting to order.

Eleanor was right about the inability of the women in the room to agree on anything. Every issue brought forth sparked a lively debate with long statements and increasingly raised voices. Eleanor kept me entertained with gossipy tidbits about various people in the group throughout the afternoon.

"That's Marion Jennings," she whispered. "She's president of the Temperance League and acts like she doesn't know her husband spends every Friday night getting drunk on gin down at the Rusty Nickel and enjoying the pleasures of a lady of the evening."

In the middle of an argument over the size of the new suffrage flyers, Eleanor leaned to my ear once again.

"Jane Addison only wants the larger flyers because she's having an illicit affair with the printer. She knows if we spend more on the flyers, he'll reward her with a new trinket," she said in low voice. "And they call me a strumpet," she huffed.

The meeting came to a close without any real decisions being made, and another meeting was scheduled for the following month. As the women filed out of the room and up the stairs, Eleanor turned to me.

"I hope you don't think me a spiteful gossip," she said with a grimace. "I'm afraid I've become a bit jaded of late. I do believe the movement is important. I just can't tolerate hypocrisy… and some of these women are oozing with it."

I reassured her as we walked out of the church that I hadn't been offended by her comments. Actually, I found them amusing. Amidst the staid atmosphere in the room, Eleanor was a breath of fresh air.

The sun had retreated while we'd been in the meeting. I looked up at a gray and angry sky, clouds swirling ominously as winds whipped down the city streets. I was glad I'd finally been able to buy a coat and pulled it tight around me.

"Looks like rain," Eleanor commented, clutching her hat in the chilling wind as the feather flapped wildly. She gestured to a dark car at the curb. A uniformed driver stood holding the door open. "Can I offer you a lift somewhere?"

I thought about refusing, but another freezing blast changed my mind.

"I have to get to work," I said, shifting my satchel from one hand to the other. "Is the County Hospital on your way?"

"Certainly," Eleanor said with a smile. We got into the car and Eleanor turned her attention on me.

"So, Bella," she said conspiratorially. "Do you have a young man?"

"Ummm…" I hesitated. "It's… uhh… complicated."

Eleanor chuckled. "It usually is."

For some reason, I felt I could confide in this woman, so I relaxed back against the seat. "His name is Edward," I began, "and he can be wonderful… but he can also be a huge pain in the…" I flashed her a quick glance and caught her smirk. "He's stubborn and arrogant and he has these old-fashioned ideas and he just about drives me crazy." I flushed and turned to look out the window.

"You're in love with him," she said quietly.

I met her eyes, ready to deny it but unable to.

"Bella, take it from me, most men are annoying creatures," she said with a smile. "They're inflexible and set in their ways and if you try to push them too hard, they'll only push back. It's much easier to pull them along gently."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"If you want a donkey to move, you don't keep shoving on its ass," she said saucily. "You hold a tasty treat in front of its face."

Confused, I muttered, "Edward's not a donkey... and I don't have any treats."

"Oh, yes you do," she said archly.

I blinked at her. She couldn't mean…

"Eleanor," I whispered with a glance at the driver, "are you talking about sex?"

She shrugged but said nothing.

"I can't do that! I wouldn't even know how to!"

"It's not that difficult, Bella," she said with a roll of her eyes. "I'm not talking about seducing him to get him to agree with you. Think of it this way…" She turned to face me on the seat, looking into my eyes. "Have you ever been so intrigued by someone that you just had to find out more about them?"

I thought about my Edward-induced Google-fest and nodded.

"That's all I'm saying. If he's interested enough, he'll do anything to learn more about what's important to you. Give him time, and he'll eventually come around to your way of thinking."

"You really think so?" I asked doubtfully. "So how do I get him interested?"

She looked out the window. I hadn't even realized that we'd stopped in front of the hospital.

"I'd say you're already halfway there," she said quietly, her gaze over my shoulder. I turned to see what she was looking at and gasped at the sight of Edward pacing back and forth in front of the hospital doors, hands in his pockets and shoulders hunched against the bitter wind.

"That's Edward," I said, surprised.

"I thought as much," Eleanor replied smugly.

"What in the world is he doing here?" I murmured.

"Well, you won't find out sitting in here," she said smartly, giving me a little shove as the driver opened the door. She grabbed my hand, pressing a small piece of paper into it. "My telephone number," she explained. "I'd really like to know how all of this turns out." She grinned. Then the driver closed the door and the car rolled away, as I turned to face Edward.

Once he spotted me, he approached me quickly. "Who was that?" he asked shortly, looking after the car.

"A new friend of mine, Eleanor Donahue," I replied.

Edward's face tightened. Evidently, Eleanor's reputation preceded her. "Figures," he muttered.

I stiffened. "Edward, what are you doing here?"

He ran a hand through his hair, distracting me momentarily.

"I needed to talk to you," he said gruffly.

"About what?"

"About Samantha. What did you say to her?" he asked accusingly.

"Samantha?" I blinked, confused. "What did I say to her about what?"

He threw his hands into the air and began to pace again. "I don't know. All I know is she went to lunch with you," he shot a reproving glance my way, "and the next thing I know she's talking about going to college… and not getting married… and becoming a nurse and going to war, for God's sake!" His voice had gotten steadily louder and I looked around to see that we were drawing attention.

"Edward, control yourself," I said through my teeth, grabbing his arm to pull him into an alley around the corner from the front door. The wind picked up, ruffling his hair, and I felt a few stinging drops of rain hit my cheeks. I took a deep breath and tried to remember Eleanor's advice and use the "honey, not vinegar" method in dealing with Edward's tantrum.

"Samantha did talk to me about all of those things… but they were her ideas, not mine," I explained.

Edward, however, would not be calmed. "She never had any of those ideas until you put them in her head!"

Honey.

Not vinegar.

"I didn't do any such thing, Edward."

"Yes you did," he growled. "You came here spewing nonsense about college and Madame Curie and suffrage and… and you got her all mixed up in the head!"

"Edward, that's not fair," I argued, my teeth grinding and my palms sweating. I fought it, but he was getting to me. "Samantha is capable of making up her own mind about things."

"No… no…" he shot back, raising his voice over the now-howling wind. "She knew what she wanted before you got here. She had plans for the future." He paced back and forth in the small alley, his fists clenched… and it was almost like he was trying to convince himself. "We were going to get married. I would work for my father and we would start a family." He glared at me. "That was what was supposed to happen."

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said quietly.

He continued like he hadn't heard me. "You appear out of nowhere with your radical opinions and your stubborn, self-willed arrogance…"

"Arrogance?" I interrupted loudly, incredulous. " _You_ have the nerve to call _me_ arrogant?"

Who the hell did this guy think he was?

Edward turned and stalked toward me, his hair blowing around his head wildly, his cheeks red with cold and fury. "She's confused because of you! She doesn't know which way is up because of you!" He forced me back against the brick wall and leaned into me, breathing harshly in my face. "You're making her question everything she thought she wanted…"

And suddenly I realized he wasn't talking about Samantha anymore.

As a matter of fact, he wasn't talking at all anymore.

One of his palms rested on the wall behind me, his face close enough that I could see the smoldering heat in his dark green eyes. I gasped and his gaze dipped to my parted lips, a choked sound escaping the back of his throat. He leaned a little closer as the tip of his tongue moistened his chapped lips and my heart pounded in my chest.

"Edward…" I breathed, and my voice seemed to break him out of his trance. He blinked, then stepped back, once again running his hands through his hair in agitation.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have…" he stammered, before he turned on his heel and stalked away.

And with a clap of thunder, the skies opened, drenching me with raindrops as I stood in the alley, stunned and confused.

x-x

I tried to put the strange conversation… or confrontation… with Edward out of my mind over the next few days. But on the morning of Samantha's birthday party I had butterflies in my stomach, knowing he'd be there and I still had no idea how to speak to him.

I couldn't help but believe that Edward had been close to kissing me as I stood backed up against the hospital wall… but whether it was due to true attraction – or just a desire to shut me up – I really wasn't sure.

Still, it had to be a step in the right direction. I mean, at least I was getting a reaction other than mockery or disdain.

Tom and Samantha had talked every day on the phone since we went to the movies... and she had joined us for lunch at the boarding house a couple of times. It was obvious they were moving forward in their relationship, even without any help from me. I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Edward, even though Samantha told me he'd taken the news of her interest in Tom pretty well.

"Above all, Edward is my friend," she had assured me. "He wants me to be happy."

I had smiled and nodded, but doubt twisted in my stomach and I wondered if he was disguising heartbreak with stoicism.

Tom and I took the "L" and the familiar streetcar to Lincoln Park and walked the six blocks to Samantha's house, enjoying the bright spring sunshine. He had been visibly nervous that morning, changing his tie three times before settling on a blue one. I assured him he looked very nice and he offered me a shaky smile as he wiped his sweaty palms on his pants.

"Relax, Tom," I encouraged him as we neared the four-story brick mansion, each of us clutching a small wrapped gift. "She likes you already. You don't have to impress anyone."

Tom grimaced. "That's what you think. I doubt her parents are going to be that thrilled about any suitor other than Edward."

I pondered that for a moment. In the midst of my own romantic challenges, I hadn't really thought about what Tom might have been going through. Based on what Samantha had told me, he was right. Her parents had expected her to marry Edward from the time they were both still in diapers. Most likely, they were not all that happy about Samantha's decision to cut Edward loose… and would probably look on the next guy with something less than enthusiasm.

But Tom really didn't need to hear that right then.

"Tom, you're a great guy," I said instead. "You're kind and smart. You have a great job and a promising future. Samantha already likes you… and her parents will too."

"You really think so?" he asked hopefully.

"I know so," I said with a firm nod, slipping my hand through the crook in his elbow. "Now, can we hurry up and get there already? I don't want to miss the cake!"

Tom chuckled and we picked up the pace.

Music and laughter greeted us as we strolled up the front walkway. We followed the noise down a gravel path leading through beautiful gardens bursting with color and into the vast back yard.

Samantha spotted us as we rounded the back corner of the house and ran lightly to greet us.

"Bella, I'm so glad you came! She smiled, giving me a small hug.

She glanced at my companion. "Hello, Tom."

Tom grinned widely. "Hi Samantha. Happy birthday!"

She blushed and thanked him, taking our proffered gifts and setting them on a cloth-covered table.

"Come on, I'll introduce you to everyone," she said, linking her arms with ours.

We walked across the pristine grass and I took a moment to examine our surroundings. A five-piece band played in the far corner of the yard and a few couples were dancing – others just listening and nodding to the beat. A few tables were scattered across the lawn, decorated with pink tablecloths and centerpieces of white roses floating in large crystal bowls.

We passed a refreshment table laden with tiny sandwiches and other finger foods, as well as another large crystal bowl - this one full of punch – and a three-tier birthday cake with pink frosting. A metal tub filled with ice and Coke bottles peeked out from under the table. My stomach rumbled, garnering a quick look from both Tom and Samantha. I shrugged sheepishly.

"I skipped breakfast," I explained.

I surreptitiously scanned the crowd, but saw no sign of Edward.

"He's not here yet," Samantha whispered.

"What? Who?" I reddened.

Samantha ignored my fake display of innocence. "I asked him to stop for more Coke," she explained. "He should be here any minute."

I didn't have time to respond as we stepped in front of an older couple I assumed were Samantha's parents.

I watched them carefully as Samantha introduced us, but they were the picture of politeness and gave no indication of either judgment or disappointment. Either they didn't know about Samantha's interest in Tom and vice versa – or they really didn't care.

Tom invited Samantha to dance, and I helped myself to some snacks, nibbling on a sandwich while I watched them walk to the makeshift dance floor. I looked up and saw Edward round the corner of the house, a large crate of Coke bottles in his arms. He met my eyes and stopped short, looking away quickly.

_Chicken._

He seemed to steel himself before he walked over to the refreshment table, unloading the bottles into the tub filled with ice.

"Hello Edward," I said coolly.

He refused to look up. "Miss Swan."

I watched him, wondering what in the world was going on in that gorgeous head.

"Attention everyone," Samantha called from the bandstand. The crowd quieted and I felt Edward stand and take a step away from me.

"Thank you all for coming," she said with a smile. "We're going to begin the games shortly, but first we need to pick partners."

She held up a large cloth bag and shook it gently. I heard a muted clicking sound coming from inside the bag.

"Each girl will draw a disk from the bag. The name on the disk will be your partner for the games today." She smiled brilliantly. "Who would like to begin?"

The girls lined up and I reluctantly made my way to the back of the line. I was aware of Edward watching me, but each time I turned to look at him, he would turn away abruptly, his cheeks red.

I followed the line of girls as they drew names – some squealing, some shyly blushing as they found their partners. When it was my turn, I approached Samantha and reached for the bag, but was surprised when she stopped me, stretching out to drop a disk into the cloth sack. She winked at me and I reached in to grab it.

What a shock. My disk said 'Edward Masen'.

"My turn," she sang, reaching into the bag, even though I noticed she already held a disk in her palm. "Tom Jacobsen," she announced with a conspiratorial smile in my direction.

"What are you doing?" I hissed at her, but she just blinked wide eyes at me.

"What do you mean?" she asked innocently.

"Trade me," I commanded.

"Why?" she asked. "I thought you'd be happy."

"Samantha, you know what happened at the hospital," I said quietly through gritted teeth. "He can't even look at me. This is not a good idea."

Samantha just grinned at me. "On the contrary," she said, "it's an excellent idea! Now, we're about to begin, so I suggest you go get your partner. I'm going to go get mine." She beamed and flounced off in search of Tom.

Reluctantly, I made my way to Edward, who was standing by the back fence, doing his best to become invisible. He noticed the partners pairing off, and I could see his discomfort increase with every match. Obviously he knew Samantha well enough to suspect her little plan. Whether he considered it peacemaking or matchmaking, I wasn't sure.

"Hi," I said quietly as he finally met my eyes, his jaw clenched and face red. I held up the disk with his name on it.

"I guess Samantha wants us to be friends," I explained lamely.

He shrugged. "We can be friends," he said shortly.

"Well, that was convincing," I grumbled.

"I'm sorry," Edward said in a low voice, looking away and running a hand through his hair.

He took a deep breath. "Actually, I'm glad to have the opportunity to speak to you privately," he said formally. "I wanted to apologize for my boorish behavior the other day."

"Edward, it's fine," I interrupted, but he cut me off.

"I had no right to accuse you of coercing Samantha… to confront you like that, especially at your place of employment."

_Huh. No mention of the almost-might-have-could-have-been-a-kiss._

"Well, thank you for that," I replied. "I didn't convince her of anything, you know. She's been thinking about all of this for a while. She just didn't feel like she could talk to anyone about it."

Edward nodded slightly. "Yes, that's what she told me…" He looked at me pointedly. "…while she rather stalwartly defended you and demanded that I stop being – quote 'an ass' – unquote."

My eyebrows rose. "Samantha said 'ass'? Maybe I am a bad influence."

Edward smirked. "You said it. Not me."

I shoved him playfully and we turned back toward the bandstand as Samantha's mother called out to the guests.

"All right, everyone. It's time to begin!" Mrs. Swenson held up several lengths of string. "Each couple will take a piece of string. You'll notice a cranberry tied in the middle of each piece." She began handing the strings out to each girl.

"You must stand across from each other, holding the string taut. When I say 'go', place the end of the string in your mouth. Without using your hands, you must bite up the string toward the cranberry. The first team to eat their cranberry wins!"

_Great. Just great._

Edward avoided my eyes again as he faced me holding his end of the string between his thumb and forefinger. He shifted nervously from side to side.

"We don't have to do this," I offered, although I was eyeing the ribbons on the prize table with more than a little avarice.

They were pretty. Don't judge.

Edward exhaled heavily through puffed cheeks.

"It's all right. I can do it," he said on a sigh.

Geez, what a martyr. The irritation began to bubble.

"Oh get over it, Edward," I sneered. "It's just a game. I'm not going to take advantage of you."

He bristled. "I just thought you might feel uncomfortable…"

"I'm fine," I snapped, glancing at Samantha's mother as she walked among the guests, making sure everyone was ready. "Now, can you do this or not?"

His eyes narrowed. "I can do it. Just keep the string taut," he grunted.

Mrs. Swenson called out for everyone to get ready. Edward and I glared at each other as we placed the ends of the string between our teeth.

When she yelled out to start the race, Edward and I locked eyes aggressively, using our lips and teeth to gather the string into our mouths. We stepped toward each other slowly. My heart began to pound steadily, increasing its pace with every step toward Edward.

My skin heated as we neared the cranberry. We moved closer along our string and I could see that we were proceeding faster than the other couples.

Then, just as we both came within a bite of the elusive cranberry, Edward stopped.

So did I.

We stood stock still, our faces inches apart, mouths full of string and that stupid cranberry between our lips. Still, our gazes never wavered and we stared at each other. I felt a tingling begin in my stomach, spreading quickly through my body until my fingers twitched.

"We have a winner!" The voice of Samantha's mother broke us from our reverie. We stepped back quickly, pulling the string from our mouths.

"Why didn't you get it?" Edward asked angrily.

"Me?" I spat back. "Why didn't you?"

Edward huffed and turned away without another word.

I rolled my eyes and took a deep, calming breath.

And another one.

Okay, just one more.

"Look, Edward," I said finally, drawing his attention. "I know I get on your nerves, but we're kind of stuck with each other – at least for the afternoon. Can we at least try to get along? We might actually have some fun."

Edward's eyes dropped and he ran his fingers through his hair again. Interesting how that habit had followed him into his vampire life, I thought absently.

"I can do that," he said finally. "I'm sorry… again… I guess I'm just a little tense."

My stomach clenched. I knew it. Samantha broke his heart.

"I know it's hard," I offered quietly. "But you'll get through this. I promise the pain will go away eventually."

He squinted at me. "Pain? What pain?"

"It's okay, Edward." I patted his shoulder in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. "You don't have to pretend with me. I understand."

"Bella, what in the world are you talking about?"

I blinked. "About Samantha."

"What about Samantha?" he asked, mystified.

"She dumped you," I said bluntly.

_Smooth, Bella. Rub it in, why don't you?_

Edward choked. "What? Samantha didn't… dump me, whatever that means."

"But she's been seeing Tom…" I said, confused.

"Yes." He nodded. "I'm aware of that."

"And you don't mind?"

He shrugged. "Maybe when she first told me. But she was right. We aren't really meant to be together that way."

"Oh," I said, a little deflated. "So she didn't break your heart?"

"Uh… no… my heart is fine, thanks for asking." He chuckled.

"Oh," I repeated, unsure of what to say next.

"So, why are you so tense then?" I asked.

"Bella, I'd really rather not talk about this any more," he said gruffly. "Let's just enjoy the afternoon, all right?"

"Okay," I agreed warily. "Are you sure?"

He stared at me for a moment, then broke out in laughter.

"What's so funny?" I asked defensively.

"I don't even know what we're talking about!"

I watched him for a moment, feeling a smile tickle my lips.

"We're talking about you… and Samantha," I explained. "And how she… didn't break your heart… but you're tense anyway."

He laughed even louder… and our ridiculous conversation got the better of me and I giggled.

"You're a really confusing man," I said between chuckles.

He took a sobering breath, still snickering. "You're one to talk." He grinned.

x-x

The rest of the afternoon was a lot more fun, once Edward and I broke down the barriers and decided to just enjoy ourselves. We won the Knights and Ladies relay, which involved Edward running across the lawn to me so I could feed him a cracker, then he had to get down on one knee and swallow it so he could whistle a tune for me to identify.

Fortunately, he chose one of the songs from the sing-a-long at the Orpheum, so I recognized it quickly.

We came in second in the three-legged race… and tied for first in the egg race.

We killed at Carpenters and Seamstresses – where Edward had to sew buttons on a piece of cloth while I hammered nails into a board. I couldn't resist teasing Edward about his expertise with a needle and thread.

"Sewing? Really, Edward?" I asked airily, waving our first place ribbon at him. "Isn't that women's work?"

"Just because a woman _should_ do it, doesn't mean a man _can't_ ," he shot back with a grin.

I rolled my eyes at him and he laughed.

We played a version of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey where I was blindfolded and Edward was allowed to guide me, using only his voice. The other guests shouted over him, trying to drown out his directions.

It turned out, Edward was a little competitive himself. Because instead of giving up, he just stood closer to me, speaking directly in my ear.

"Just a little to the right," he said, his warm breath tickling the hair on my neck. I shivered a little and tried to focus on his words.

"Now reach out… that's right…" his voice took on a husky tone that caused my breath to hitch. He cleared his throat. "Now just straight… right in front of you… there." I pushed the pin into the board and pulled my blindfold off to see I'd hit that donkey right in the ass.

I cheered, raising my hands over my head, and Edward swept me into his arms, picking me up off the ground and spinning me in a circle. He set me down, but didn't release me immediately. Our eyes met, and I was stunned to see the excited smile on his face.

Edward's smile was exuberant… unrepressed… and just full of joy and youth… and _life_.

He was… magnificent.

I leaned forward a little unconsciously and I felt him do the same, his smile falling a little as his eyes dipped to my lips. His arms tightened almost imperceptibly, and I felt my heart thud heavily in my chest.

"Time for the sack race everyone!" Samantha's mother brought us back to reality – and we stepped back, realizing we were nearly embracing in the middle of a crowded party.

Edward didn't look away, though. He held my eyes, still smiling softly.

"Bella." Samantha approached, linking her arm with mine, her gaze moving from Edward to me knowingly. "Isn't that your event?"

I broke away from Edward's intent stare. "What?"

"The sack race. You're going to do it, aren't you?"

I cleared my throat and tried to focus on what Samantha was saying. "Sack race… how do we do that as a team?"

"You don't," she replied. "It's the only individual race of the day. The winner gets a gold ribbon," she said temptingly.

Oh… a _gold_ ribbon.

She pulled Edward and me over to the starting line, handing us each a burlap sack. I stepped in and tried to dispel the awkward silence that had descended between us since the near-kiss, or what I assumed was a near-kiss.

"Have you ever been in a sack race before, Edward?" I asked saucily.

"Ummm…" he said hesitantly, "once or twice, I suppose."

"Hmm…" I shrugged. "Well don't feel too bad if you lose."

"What do you mean by that?" he asked defensively.

Guess they weren't big on talking smack in 1918.

"I mean," I said with a smug grin, "that you're going down, Mr. Masen."

Samantha's mother walked to the center of the lawn and called out in a loud voice.

" _On your mark…"_

"Going down, huh?" Edward repeated, "What does that even mean?"

I kept my eyes on Mrs. Swenson, gripping my sack tightly. "It means I'm going to beat you. It means you're going to lose."

" _Get set…"_

"You think so?" he rejoined with a chuckle. "Well, maybe you'll be the one going down."

I shot him a quick glance. "I don't think so."

My muscles tensed, and I heard Edward draw a deep breath beside me.

"Have dinner with me," he said quietly.

" _GO!"_

And I turned toward Edward with a start… and fell flat on my face.


	10. Of Motor Cars and Making Friends

  


_Edward's Car, 1918 Chevrolet 490_

_**"For this is wisdom; to love, to live** _

_**To take what fate, or the Gods may give** _

_**To ask no question, to make no prayer** _

_**To kiss the lips and caress the hair** _

_**Speed passion's ebb as you greet its flow** _

_**To have, to hold, and in time, let go."** _

_**\- Laurence Hope** _

**Chapter 9 – Of Motor Cars and Making Friends**

I groaned and rolled over on the grass, pushing my hair out of my face and struggling to free my legs from the burlap sack. I saw the other racers hop by – including Edward, who laughed loudly as he left me lying there.

"Jerk," I muttered under my breath as I finally got to my feet, kicking my sack to the side with a grunt.

Childish? Yes.

I never said I was a good sport.

I watched grumpily as the sack racers crossed the finish line… Edward in the lead, of course.

He walked back over to me, waving his stupid gold ribbon, a smug smile on his face.

"Who's going down now, Miss Swan?" he taunted.

My eyes inadvertently flew to his crotch, as my dirty mind twisted his innocent comment. I blushed furiously and looked away.

Fortunately, Edward had no clue about the true nature of my embarrassment, so he continued his teasing. "It's too bad you fell. This sure is a pretty ribbon." He waved it in front of my face, his emerald eyes glowing with mirth.

Gah. How could he be so hot and yet so irritating at the same time?

"You cheated," I accused crossly.

"Cheated?" he repeated, eyes wide with feigned shock. "Me?"

"You… distracted me," I floundered.

"It's not my fault you have no focus," he said with a pitying shake of his head. "Women are such emotional creatures."

I glared at him and he grinned. He was purposely baiting me.

I turned away silently, determined not to take the bait.

He wouldn't give up however, following me as I stomped to the refreshment table. "It takes logic and determination to succeed in athletics, you know," he advised with a self-satisfied nod.

"A sack race is not 'athletics' Edward," I muttered.

He continued as if he hadn't heard me. "Women just aren't cut out for the intensity of physical competition."

I turned to him, my hands on my hips. "Edward…" My eyes narrowed in warning.

He just looked at me, biting the inside of his cheek, his lips quivering as he fought the laughter.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the ribbon. "Kind of girly, isn't it?" I asked, examining the ribbon and trying to keep the jealousy off my face. "I mean, gold… and glitter? Not a very masculine prize for such a manly, chest-pounding, knuckle-dragging athlete such as yourself."

Edward burst out laughing. "I'm secure enough in my masculinity to accept it," he said, reaching for the ribbon.

I held it away from him. "You sure? I wouldn't want you to get all _emotional_ and _illogical_."

"Give me my ribbon," he ordered with a playful glare.

I don't know what got into me.

I ran.

Edward chased me around the yard as I weaved between the party guests, laughing gleefully.

I rounded the refreshment table and Edward faced me on the other side, poised to strike with a huge smile on his face. I feigned one direction and he mirrored my movements. I shuffled the other way and he quickly followed again. I thrust my hand forward, dangling the ribbon over the punch bowl with a wicked grin on my face.

"You wouldn't," he said, the threat evident in his voice.

Instead, I grabbed a handful of popcorn and threw it in his face, distracting him long enough for me to run out from behind the table. He lunged toward me and his fingers brushed my arm. I shrieked, darting between tables, the gold ribbon held high above my head like a banner.

I looked over my shoulder to see him closing in on me, a determined look on his face.

"Can't you catch a girl, Edward?" I taunted, hopping over a small planter and landing lightly on the gravel path to the front of the house. "Where's your _focus_?"

Something bubbled in my stomach and it took a moment for me to recognize it…

_Joy._

For the first time since I arrived in Chicago – actually, for the first time since Edward left me months ago – I felt happy.

I felt _free_.

I laughed, running around the house to the other side, Edward hot on my heels. As I emerged again in the back yard, I stumbled slightly on a large rock and felt a strong arm circle my stomach, sweeping me off my feet.

"Edward!" I screamed as he spun me around. I still held the ribbon at arm's length, laughing hysterically. "Put me down!" I demanded.

"Give me my ribbon!" he countered.

The sound of a throat clearing loudly drew our attention. I looked up to see Samantha's father standing in front of us, a stern look on his face. Behind him, thirty sets of eyes were on us, wearing expressions ranging from shock to amusement.

Samantha's was neither. Instead, she wore a knowing look… and as I met her eyes she grinned at me saucily.

Edward set me on my feet hastily, releasing me once I got my balance and jamming his hands into his pockets. I blushed of course, then slapped the ribbon on his stomach. He grunted quietly, taking the ribbon and muttering a quiet apology to Mr. Swenson.

"I think that it's time for cake," Samantha's father said pointedly. "Care to join us?" He held his hand out indicating the refreshment table, and Edward and I nodded mutely, joining the rest of the guests. I slid a sideways glance his way and he met it with a wink.

I smiled and joined in with the rest of the guests in a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday".

x-x

"You really don't have to do this," I told Edward as we walked toward his car. "I can take the 'L'."

"Don't be ridiculous," he replied, running a hand through his hair without meeting my eyes. "It's no trouble."

Tom had abandoned me, saying he'd offered to help Samantha clean up after the party. Ever the matchmaker, Samantha volunteered Edward to drive me home, ignoring my sharp look. Edward hesitated only briefly before agreeing quietly, a faint color touching his cheeks. I couldn't determine if it was from irritation or apprehension.

And he'd once told me _I_ was hard to read.

Edward stepped in front of me quickly, opening the passenger door of his shiny red car. I held up my skirt, stepping onto the running board and sliding into the black leather seat. I watched as he crossed in front of the car, his beige suit jacket over his arm, tie loose and shirt slightly rumpled from our run around the yard.

He may not have had the otherworldly beauty of the Edward I first met, but he still took my breath away.

He climbed in the driver's side, draping his jacket over the seat between us. The front seat was small, so his thigh was mere inches away from mine. The strange current that ran between us intensified, and I felt the irresistible urge to reach out and stroke it.

Or maybe bite it.

I blushed at the thought and looked away sharply, searching for something to dispel the awkward silence between us.

Edward manipulated levers and pedals, finally pressing a button with his foot and the car's engine roared to life. With a quick look in the rearview mirror he pulled out onto the street.

I had ridden in Edward's car before – the night when he'd driven Tom and me back to the boarding house after the movies – but I hadn't really taken the opportunity to examine it closely at the time. I looked it over, marveling once again at seeing history up close. Edward's car was bright red, with a soft black top and shiny leather seats. I sniffed. Hmm… still had that new car smell.

"Is this a Model T?" I asked him finally.

"What?" Edward responded, distracted. "Ah, no," he said with an indulgent smile. "Chevrolet 490."

"Oh. It's very nice," I said politely.

"Thanks," he replied.

Okaaayyy… now what? I scrambled for a topic of conversation.

"What kind of mileage do you get?"

Guys liked to talk about their cars, right? I mean Jacob would go on for hours about that stupid Rabbit.

Edward spared me a puzzled glance. "Mileage? Oh… about fifteen miles per gallon, I'd say."

I nodded.

Silence.

Edward tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and I couldn't help but remember the first time we'd driven together in his Volvo. I could almost smell his scent permeating the air and hear the music filling the spaces in our conversation. Unconsciously, I reached forward, remembering Edward's CD player.

"No stereo?" I asked without thinking.

"What's a stereo?"

Oh crap. "Ummm… I mean… a radio?"

"Radio?" Edward flashed me a confused look. "Like they use on ships? Why would there be a radio in my car?"

"To listen to music?" I felt myself sinking into a pool of oh-shit-what-have-I-done.

"Music? Do you mean a phonograph?"

_Yes, Edward. I'm asking why you don't have a record player in your car. Do I look like an idiot?_

Well, okay. Maybe I did at that moment.

"No, not a phonograph," I explained, struggling for a way to dig myself out of the conversation. "It was just something I… heard… I guess I must have misunderstood," I said lamely.

"Huh. I guess so." Edward shifted a lever as he turned the corner.

A heavy sigh escaped my lips through puffed cheeks and I looked out the window. I watched Edward through the reflection in the glass and noticed him looking my way several times anxiously.

"I wasn't trying to distract you," he blurted out finally, drawing my attention just as he ran his hand through his hair. He wouldn't meet my eyes though, and his cheeks were flushed with color.

When I said nothing, he shot a glance my way and added, "When I asked you to dinner. I wasn't trying to distract you… well, at least not entirely." His mouth lifted in a crooked grin before he turned again to look out the windshield.

"Oh," I replied, unsure of what else to say.

"I just…uh…" Edward stammered a little. God, it was so cute to see him nervous. "I thought it might be nice to… ummm… get to know each other. For Samantha's sake."

"For Samantha, huh?" I asked, playing along. I was so used to Edward being sure of himself… in charge of every situation. I was the one who was always nervous and unsure. I was the one who never felt like I was really good enough. I had to admit I was enjoying being on a bit more of a level playing field with Edward.

"Well… yes…" he said, turning another corner as his knee bounced anxiously. "I mean, she cares about both of us… it's important to her for us to… get along."

I decided to let him off the hook a bit. "That's probably a good idea…" I nodded. "…for Samantha," I added.

He smiled and shrugged one shoulder. "I mean, who knows? We could be friends."

"Stranger things have happened," I said wryly.

After a moment of silence, he continued, "So what do you think?"

"About what?"

"About dinner sometime," he said in a huff. "I mean, it doesn't have to be dinner… it could be lunch… or a movie…"

 _Oh God. Not another movie_.

"Dinner would be fine," I interjected. "Or lunch… either one."

"All right. Good," he said with a firm nod. "Good. We'll do that then."

"Okay." I stifled a satisfied grin.

Suddenly, Edward let out a low curse and swerved. The car lurched a bit and I slid over, falling into him heavily. He grunted at the impact and I grew lightheaded at our proximity. Somehow, our strange connection was intensified whenever we touched. And the way I fell - leaning into his side all along his body, my hand catching myself by landing on his firm thigh. Well, let's just say it was _really_ intensified. I looked up to see his green eyes mere inches from mine and my breath caught. His lips parted and I waited for him to lean down and kiss me.

Instead he cleared his throat. "Cat," he said in a husky voice.

"What?" I asked breathily.

He squirmed a little and looked back out through the windshield. "It was a cat. It ran right out in front of me."

"Oh… _Oh_ ," I said, his words finally sinking into my lust-filled brain. I straightened and moved back to my side of the car, pulling my hand from his thigh like it was on fire. "Sorry." I forced a laugh. "You really need better shocks!"

The confused look was back, and I knew I'd screwed up again.

_What? They didn't have shocks yet either? Crap._

Quickly changing the subject, I said the first thing that popped into my mind. "Think I could drive your car sometime?"

A loud laugh burst from his lips. "Ah… sorry… I don't think so," he said with a patronizing smile.

Hmmm… I guess some things hadn't changed.

"Why not?" I asked defiantly. "I happen to be an excellent driver."

"You drive?" The disbelief was evident on his face.

"Yes, I drive," I said, irritated and waiting for some annoying comment about women drivers.

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Well," he began, fiddling with a lever on the steering wheel, "then what's this for?"

I huffed. "I don't know! The car I learned in was… different. But I do know how to drive!"

"All right, I believe you," he said, even though clearly he didn't. "This is the spark lever, by the way. You use it to start the car."

I looked down at his feet. "Then you push that button?"

He nodded and instead of making fun of me, he spent the next few minutes explaining how the various levers and pedals worked.

"Okay, I get it," I said finally. "It's really not that different from what I'm used to… things are just in different places." I looked at him intently. "I could totally drive this."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Bella, you are not driving my car."

"Don't you trust me?"

"It's not a matter of trust," he insisted. "It's a matter of coordination and concentration."

"Let me guess," I huffed, "women aren't focused enough to drive either."

"I didn't say that," he wavered.

"Oh, but you were thinking it," I accused, noticing only vaguely that we had pulled to a stop in front of the boarding house.

"How do you know what I was thinking?" Edward asked angrily. He threw open the car door, getting out and stalking around to open mine. I beat him to it however, climbing out before he reached me. "Why do you have to make everything into an argument?" He scowled, his hands going to his hair in frustration.

"Why do you have to be such a misogynist?" I countered, my voice raising.

"Misogynist? I'm not a misogynist!" He trailed after me as I stomped to the front porch stairs. He grabbed my arm, spinning me around. "I like women just fine!" he bellowed.

"Right!" I yelled back. "Women… just not _me_!"

"You?" he roared. "You think I don't _like_ you? I… I…" Edward looked around wildly before his eyes came to rest on my face. I felt his hand tighten around my upper arm, his other reaching out to circle my waist, pulling me against him roughly. I gasped, my hands clutching his shirt.

"I don't… know… I can't…" he growled in a low voice, before his lips crashed to mine.

_Oh. My. God._

Kissing Edward had always been amazing. One touch of his cold, hard lips… the feel of his chilling breath mingling with mine… and I was lost. I would literally throw myself at him, swept up in passion and lust. He, however, always maintained tight control. Not that I complained... much. I mean, his restraint kept me alive, after all.

But this… this was different.

Edward was completely _out_ of control.

His hand gripped even more firmly on my arm, his fingers pressing into my flesh. His other hand swept up to tangle in my hair, tilting my head as he plunged his tongue into my mouth.

And for the first time, I could return the favor.

Edward's mouth was incredible… hot and wet… still sweet from the punch we'd drunk at the birthday party. As always, my body moved of its own accord, my hands wrapping tightly around his waist under his jacket, fingernails scraping at his back over his shirt. I heard him groan as our tongues twisted together, teeth gnashing as we tried to get ever closer. The hand on my arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me hard against his body.

_Oh my._

Apparently Edward did like me – at least a part of him did… a very prominent part, at the moment. A part that I quite shamelessly writhed against with a low whimper.

Suddenly, he broke away. My body mourned the loss of contact as I unconsciously stepped toward him, eyes glazed and lips parted. He matched my movements, still retreating, and I froze as we stared at each other for a moment, breathing heavily.

"Edward, I…" I began.

"I…" he interrupted, stepping back quickly. "I should go." Before I could say anything more, he was back in his car, pulling away.

He didn't look my way again.

I knew, because I watched him until he drove out of sight.

x-x

As I lay in bed that night, I pondered my predicament.

Okay, maybe that sounded a little Jane Austen, but it actually was what I was doing.

I felt optimistic after my little make-out session with Edward. I'd had an epiphany of sorts.

When I decided I was going to save Edward, I really had no idea how I would go about it. After all, the Edward I knew was restrained and responsible above all else. I couldn't imagine what I could possibly do to lure him away from his family… his home. Not that I'd let that stop me from trying, but it still weighed heavily on my mind.

However, I'd learned something as we stood wrapped in each other in front of the boarding house. This Edward, it seemed, was a little different from the one I used to know… and I wasn't talking solely about his chauvinistic beliefs or his rather annoying air of superiority.

It turned out, Edward was ruled by the same thing that ruled most sixteen-year-old boys.

Yeah. _That_.

And that fact gave me hope.

Because I knew first hand that sixteen-year-old boys were irrational, aggressive, rebellious, raging hormonal sex fiends… and I figured I could use that to my advantage.

Of course, that would mean I'd have to… well… _seduce_ Edward.

Not exactly my strong suit.

But I knew if I could pull it off… if I could get those teenage boy hormones working for me - instead of against me - I could get Edward to do pretty much anything I wanted.

Ethical? Okay, probably not.

But it was my best bet.

Which left me with a bigger question: How does someone who's basically inept at flirting manage seduction?

I'd have to work on that.

A flash of movement caught my eye, interrupting my musings. I turned in the dim light, but saw nothing.

"Bella!" Alice's voice, loud and clear, caused me to look back in the other direction.

I gasped, because suddenly she was there in front of me, more vivid and real than she'd ever appeared. She was still in partial shadow, the only illumination coming from the streetlights filtering through the window. But I could still make out her worried expression as her eyes locked on mine.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked.

"Alice?" I said tentatively, reaching out to touch her.

She extended a hand toward me, but my fingers grasped at emptiness… and with a shimmer she was gone, the only thing remaining a faint scent of lavender in the air.

x-x

I woke late, after finally drifting to sleep still reeling from my increasingly vivid Alice visions. I was beginning to understand how she felt, seeing things that weren't really there. It was disturbing… confusing… yet I still found it somewhat comforting. To think that Alice was with me - even if it was in a bizarre, eerie way - made me feel like I wasn't entirely alone.

The fact that she hadn't sounded too happy with me was a little weird, though.

I wondered if Alice could see me even over this vast expanse of time… if she knew what I was doing. If so, it appeared she wasn't very enthusiastic about my actions.

The sound of a car door slamming drew me to the window, and I pulled back the curtain to peer down. I scanned the vehicles rolling by and the people on the street, and it took a moment for me to recognize the familiar red car parked at the curb. A copper head, glinting in the sun, popped out of the driver's side and I stepped back a little, surprised.

What was Edward doing here?

He strode purposefully toward the front step, then turned abruptly and walked back to the car. He ran his hands through his rumpled hair, muttering to himself. He seemed to make a decision, clenching his fists at his sides before turning again and walking up the steps. I lost sight of him, but heard a muffled knock on the front door.

A few moments later, I froze as light footsteps approached my door, followed by a brief knock.

"Bella?" Maggie called. "You have a visitor."

I rushed to the door, ripping it open and pulling Maggie inside before slamming it shut once again.

"What is he doing here?" I hissed frantically, catching my reflection in the dresser mirror and scowling at my tangled hair and the sheet marks on my cheeks.

"I don't know…" Maggie watched in amusement as I grabbed my hairbrush, running it through my tangles ruthlessly. "He just asked to see you."

"Great," I muttered, throwing the brush onto the dresser and my hands into the air. "I'm a freakin' mess!"

Maggie grabbed my shoulders, shaking me gently. "You're not a freak dear. Calm down," she ordered in a firm voice. I took a deep breath and she continued. "Now, I'd suggest you get dressed, wash your face, then come down and talk to your gentleman caller."

I nodded. "Okay. I can do that. Thanks Maggie."

"Good girl." She patted my cheek and turned to the door. "Oh, and take your time. There's nothing wrong with keeping 'em waiting a bit."

I returned her grin with a small smile, and as she closed the door behind her I turned to get dressed. I tiptoed to the bathroom, listening for Edward's voice coming from downstairs, but could only make out a muffled conversation. I assumed Maggie was keeping him entertained.

After brushing my teeth and washing my face – rubbing my cheeks vigorously to remove the sheet marks – I tied my hair back into a low ponytail and looked at myself in the mirror.

Okay, I needed a seductive look.

I pursed my lips and lowered my lashes. Half-closed was hot, right?

Hmm. Looked more like I was stoned.

I thought maybe I should try batting my lashes. I fluttered them quickly.

Okay that just looked stupid… like I had some kind of weird facial tic.

I sighed, my shoulders slumping. It was hopeless. I was just… not… sexy.

Maybe I just needed more practice. I was getting ahead of myself anyway. I mean, really the first step was to become friends, right? Then I could work on my seduction skills… or lack thereof.

I made my way downstairs, gripping the handrail, my stomach flipping nervously. I saw Edward sitting on a tufted red chair in the sitting room, Maggie perched across from him on the sofa. A silver tea service sat on the low table between them and a full cup sat in front of Edward, untouched. He spotted me at the bottom of the stairs and stood quickly, his fingers tapping on his thighs nervously.

"Ah, there she is," Maggie said, sipping from her cup then setting it down on the tray. "Come dear. Have a seat. I brought a cup for you." She motioned to the couch next to her and I sat down as Maggie poured a cup of tea, adding a lump of sugar before handing it to me.

"Thank you," I said quietly. Turning to Edward, I added, "Hello Edward."

He seemed to realize suddenly that he was still standing, so he sat back down as he replied with a nod, "Miss Swan." He cleared his throat and added, "You look lovely today."

Surprised, I gaped at him for a moment before answering, "Uh, thank you." I sipped my tea, casting a sideways glance at Maggie.

Geez. It was so _Anne of Green Gables_. Sipping tea… exchanging pleasantries… not saying what we were really thinking…

How did they not go crazy?

"Well," Maggie said finally, breaking the silence. "I have things to do, so I'll just leave you two." She stood, taking her cup with her. "Edward, nice to see you again. Bella, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." We both nodded at her, watching as she left the room before turning to each other. Edward's gaze dropped as he swallowed deeply, picking up his cup, then setting it back down a moment later without taking a drink.

Okay, I'd had it. "Edward, is something wrong?"

His eyes flashed to mine and he smoothed his hands down his thighs, finally gripping his kneecaps lightly. "Wrong? Well, not exactly…" He colored slightly, then added, "I came here today to offer an apology."

"Apology? To me?" I asked. "For what?"

_Being an ass? Or getting me all worked up and leaving me hanging?_

"For what?" he repeated in disbelief. "For… attacking you last night… for mauling you in the street…" He lowered his voice with a furtive glance toward the kitchen to ensure we weren't being overheard. "…for molesting your person so abominably."

My lips twitched. "Molesting my person?"

"It was unconscionable…" Edward continued, seemingly lost in his own self-flagellating thoughts. "…deplorable… reprehensible…"

"Did you consult a thesaurus?" I asked dryly.

"What?" Edward seemed to finally notice I was talking.

I laughed. "Edward, it's fine. Don't worry about it."

He seemed relieved. "I really am sorry, Bella."

I shrugged. "I'm not." Maybe it was time to give the whole flirting thing a try. "I liked it."

He gaped, but his mouth snapped shut quickly as his eyes darkened. Perhaps I was better at this than I thought.

Of course, then I blushed, ruining the whole seductress image. We both looked down into our teacups.

Edward cleared his throat. "I was wondering if perhaps you might be free for lunch."

"Lunch? Sure, yeah… lunch would be nice," I stammered.

"And I thought maybe afterwards… we might go skating?" Edward asked, adding quickly, "I mean we talked about getting to know each other… maybe trying to be friends…"

_Friends. Right. Step One._

But skating? Not really a good idea. I started to refuse, but the words froze in my throat as I took in Edward's hopeful gaze. He looked so… sweet.

As a result I found myself saying four words I never thought would leave my lips.

"Skating sounds like fun!"

x-x

What was I thinking?

I sat on a bench looking down at my feet doubtfully as Edward adjusted the straps on my roller skates.

Me + Eight Little Wheels = Certain Disaster

The good thing about the afternoon so far was that Edward and I were getting along. He'd taken me to a restaurant in Little Italy, but a vendor on the street had caught my eye and I nearly erupted with excitement.

"Pizza!" I exclaimed, rushing over to the cart. Several rounds of bread topped with tomato sauce and cheese sat in copper tubs, kept warm by burning charcoal. My mouth watered at the sight and… Dear God… the _smell_ of the delicacy I doubted I'd see again for… well… who knew how long?

No pepperoni, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

"You want?" the vendor, a dark-haired man with a curly moustache and a thick Italian accent approached me with a smile. "You like the pizza?""

I nodded furiously. "I _love_ the pizza," I said enthusiastically.

Edward joined me, eyeing the tubs warily. "Tomato pie?" he asked. "Wouldn't you rather go inside? They have excellent food…" He lowered his voice, turning away from the vendor. "…and I'm sure it's more sanitary," he whispered in my ear.

"Oh, but it's _pizza,_ " I said pleadingly. Edward smirked and turned to the vendor, buying two small pies and a couple of Cokes for a handful of change.

We walked through Little Italy, munching on pizza – it was delicious, by the way – and chatting amiably. He asked me about my work at the hospital. I was leery to talk about it, knowing his position on women in the workplace, but Edward was surprisingly supportive. He even laughed when I told him about the unique skills necessary for changing sheets while a bed was occupied. And when I told him about working with Carlisle on his research he listened attentively, with no signs of judgment on his face.

Edward told me about school, the classes he liked, the fact that he was on the track team, and his plans for the future.

"On my eighteenth birthday, I will be on my way to Europe," he said firmly, licking a bit of sauce off his thumb. "I'd lie about my age and join the army now, but it would kill my parents."

"You're really that eager to go to war?" I asked.

"Well, no one is _eager_ to go to war," Edward admitted with a rueful smile. "But it's important. What's happening over there affects the whole world. I want… I need to be a part of that," he said emphatically. "It's my duty. I owe it to my country."

I absorbed that for a moment. I realized then that if I succeeded in my plan to save Edward, I'd have to deal with this desire to join the army. Of course, the war would be over by the end of the year, so maybe he'd change his mind. I hoped so. I really didn't like the idea of him leaving me… again.

"If the war was over," I offered slowly, "what would you do then?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't really thought about it much. Go to college, I guess." He popped the last of his pizza in his mouth, wiping his lips with a handkerchief.

I finished my pizza and we sipped our Cokes, stopping to listen to an organ grinder on the street corner. He grinned and tipped his hat as he turned the crank, the organ balanced on a long wooden stick. We applauded when he finished, and Edward dropped a coin into the tin cup sitting on top of the organ.

"Ready to go skating?" he asked, turning back to me.

I had hoped he'd forgotten.

We made our way to a skating rink a few blocks away, my stomach churning nervously. I was sure I'd fall and break something… not to mention make a complete fool of myself in front of Edward.

But Edward surprised me once again.

He was encouraging and attentive, helping me to my feet… well… my wheels, and never letting go. He wrapped my arm through his elbow and led me around the crowded rink.

"You're doing fine," he reassured me. "Stop looking at your feet. Look up and relax."

 _Easy for him to say_.

But I tried. And by leaning heavily on Edward I was able to stay upright. By the end of the afternoon I was gliding gracefully beside him. Well maybe not gracefully, but not too clumsily anyway. He pulled my fingers from his elbow, sliding them down his arm until we were holding hands.

"I'm going to try something," he said with a grin. "Do you trust me?"

I smiled back. "Okay."

He swept around until he was skating backwards in front of me and took my other hand in his. He pulled us toward the center of the rink, and I gripped his hands tightly.

"Ready?" he asked with a huge smile.

And my heart flipped.

Because in that moment, I saw an Edward I'd never seen before.

The Edward I knew was frozen at seventeen years old, but he wasn't young. The atrocities he'd witnessed… and committed… over the decades of his life had changed him more than even Carlisle's bite. His was an old soul – both literally and figuratively.

I'd never seen him like this: young… innocent… and carefree.

He pulled us into a spiral, whipping around in a circle, the rink and the other skaters a blur behind Edward's smiling face. He closed his eyes and threw his head back, and I found myself doing the same thing, a giggle erupting out of my mouth.

That was a mistake. Because I completely lost my balance and we fell to the floor, a laughing mess of tangled limbs.

"We were doing so well," Edward said, amusement still lighting his features. He stood easily and helped me up. I fell into him, grasping his shoulders, and he wrapped his arms around my waist to steady me. He looked down at me with his oh-so-cute crooked grin before pulling away to take my hand once again.

"Are you all right? he asked.

"Fine." I smiled. "But I think I've had enough skating for one day."

He pulled me along to the side of the rink. I collapsed on a bench and he bent down to help me unbuckle my skates. "How would you feel about some ice cream?" he asked as he set the skates aside.

"Mr. Cullen." I grinned. "Now you're speaking my language."


	11. Of Raspberry Jam and Rivalry

  


_Eleanor Donahue's House_

_**"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world."** _

_**\- Buddha** _

**Chapter 10 – Of Raspberry Jam and Rivalry**

"Bella, you have a telephone call!" Maggie called to me from inside the house. Sunday morning dawned clear and sunny, so Maggie got the urge to plant some pansies in the backyard garden. I was helping her when the phone summoned her inside.

That's right. I could plant flowers.

I brushed the dirt off my hands and made my way to the small room off the kitchen, passing Maggie on the way.

I wondered who could be calling me, and my heart sped up at the thought it might have been Edward.

Our date the previous day had been a surprise, to say the least. Edward had been… well… really nice. He'd bitten his lip instead of arguing with me, even when I could tell he was dying to contradict my opinions.

It was unusual. And to be honest, I'd felt a slight twinge of disappointment.

I was a little ashamed to admit that I kind of liked our fights. Maybe it was because those moments gave me an insight into the uncontrolled Edward I was only beginning to know… the rash, impulsive, _passionate_ side to his personality.

The side that kissed me like he wanted to devour me.

The side that made my knees melt and my body catch fire.

But the new, pleasant Edward was nice too. I actually enjoyed getting to know him all over again. Talking about regular, normal things and just having… _fun_ , for a change, was refreshing. No life-threatening chases. No angsty drama.

It was strange. At times I felt almost like I was cheating on Edward… _with_ Edward. In so many ways he was the same: his appearance, obviously… the way he talked, his insightfulness, his mannerisms... that panty-dropping grin.

But in other ways he was like a completely different person. He was irrational, reckless, impulsive, stubborn, playful… in other words, he was _sixteen_.

It was like I was in love with two different men… who were actually the same man.

Understandably, I spent a lot of time confused.

Which was why I made that little slip of the tongue - a slip Edward was quick to jump on. I'd accidentally called him Mr. _Cullen_.

"Mr. Cullen?" he'd repeated, his brow furrowed in confusion as he stood up, his hands full of roller skates. "Who's Mr. Cullen?"

Shit. Shit. _Shit._

I scrambled for an answer that wouldn't be completely lame or unbelievable. I decided to stall. Stalling was good.

"What?" I asked, going for a confused look of my own. Maybe he'd just let it go.

No such luck.

"You called me Mr. Cullen," Edward pointed out.

"Did I?" I rose and walked toward the door. See, I was really good at this stalling thing.

"My last name is Masen." Geez. He wasn't going to let this go.

"I know your last name, Edward." I laughed, trying to make light of it. Then I decided if I tried to look embarrassed, he might take pity on me. I looked down contritely. "I'm really sorry. It was just a slip of the tongue… I didn't even realize that I had said it," I explained pitifully. "I'm really embarrassed about it," I added, lifting a hand as if to brush a tear from my cheek. I hoped I wasn't overdoing it.

The gentleman bred into Edward kicked in at that moment. "Bella, it's all right," he bent his knees and used his finger to tip my head up so he could look comfortingly into my eyes. "It was just a silly mistake. Don't be upset."

I swallowed my victorious grin and just nodded appreciatively. "Thank you." He took my hand in his and we left the skating rink to go get the promised ice cream. I felt bad for manipulating him, but I really didn't see an alternative. I mean, I didn't think telling him he had a different name when I met him in the future was a viable option.

Our afternoon had ended as most first dates did – with an awkward moment at the front door. Edward jammed his hands into his pockets, his eyes focused on the toes of his slightly scuffed shoes.

"Well… um… thank you for the pleasure of your company this afternoon, Bella," he said formally, the tips of his ears pink. "I enjoyed it a great deal." His gaze flashed to mine briefly and a small smile lit his face.

My heart melted. "I did too, Edward," I responded quietly. "I had a really good time, thank you."

His smile widened. "You did?" At my nod, he added, "Good. Me too."

 _Yeah, you already said that_ , I thought to myself with an internal laugh.

God. He was adorable.

"So… uh… I should be going," he said nervously, shoving a hand through his hair. "Would it be all right if I… um… telephoned this week… sometime?"

I smiled. "Sure. That would be nice."

"Good." He nodded, taking a tentative step toward me. "Good."

I waited. My breathing quickened as his eyes flicked to my lips once. He took a deep breath and moved toward me…

…and kissed me softly on the cheek.

_What the hell?_

He stepped back quickly, flushing red. I had to admit it was nice not to be the only one blushing for a change.

"So… I'll… see you soon, Bella," he stammered, turning to head down the steps. "Thanks again."

I finally found my voice. "Bye Edward," I called, waving as he got into his car and drove away.

Shaking my head to clear it of the previous day's memories, I picked up the telephone, pressing the earpiece tentatively to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Bella Swan?" a businesslike voice crackled over the line. A feminine voice. Decidedly _not_ Edward.

"Yes?" I responded.

"Ah, finally," the woman continued. "I had a bear of a time tracking you down, girl. I called the hospital and finally found someone who could tell me how to reach you."

"Oh… um… I'm sorry," I said, confused. "Umm… Who is this?" I finally asked, embarrassed that I didn't recognize the voice of someone who obviously knew me.

"Good Lord above, I sound like a maniac!" the voice exclaimed. "It's Eleanor Donahue… from the suffrage meeting?"

"Oh, of course!" I exhaled in relief. "Mrs. Donahue, it's so nice to hear from you. I'm so sorry I haven't called. How are you?"

"Right as rain, dear," she replied. "I was wondering if you would like to come 'round for tea this afternoon."

More tea? Ugh! What I wouldn't give for a caramel frappuccino.

 _Oh, Starbucks, how I missed you_.

"Tea?" I repeated. "Sure, that would be… lovely," I tried the word in an effort to sound a little more 1918-ish.

Huh. Wasn't really me.

"Wonderful!" Eleanor said cheerily. "I'll send my car… around two o'clock?"

"Sounds great," I replied. "I'll see you then.

x-x

My mouth dropped open as Eleanor Donahue's car rounded the final curve in the long driveway and her enormous home came into view. We pulled to a stop and the driver emerged, walking around the car to open the door for me. I tore my eyes from the vast, columned entry so I made sure I wouldn't trip on the wide steps leading to her covered front door.

The house - _mansion_ , I corrected myself - was enormous. I couldn't even take it all in, only absorbing flashing images of gleaming white gingerbread trim… steep roof gables intersected by round turrets… and lots and lots of sparkling windows.

I lifted my hand to knock on the gleaming mahogany double doors, but the one on the right opened before I got the chance.

A handsome dark-haired man in a gray suit emerged, donning a black felt hat. He looked up, startled, then a wide smile split his face.

"You must be Bella," he said enthusiastically. "Eleanor told me you'd be stopping by." He extended a hand. "I'm John Stevenson."

I shook his hand, and couldn't resist returning his infectious smile. "Nice to meet you," I said. "Are you a friend of Mrs. Donahue?"

"Friend?" He chuckled, looking down for a moment. "Yes… I guess you could say that."

_Ah. One of the boyfriends._

I looked him over. He was maybe thirty at the most, tall and broad-shouldered with dark hair and eyes. Two gorgeous dimples creased his cheeks when he smiled. He was, in a word, a hunk… a stud… a boytoy. Eleanor definitely knew what she was doing.

"I wish I could stay and chat," he said, "but I'm late for an appointment. Tobias here will show you in."

An older man in a dark suit – Tobias the butler, apparently - appeared in the doorway, assessing me with a sharp glance. John continued down the front steps as Tobias invited me in. I followed him through a marble-tiled entry, gaping at a huge skylight overhead and a broad sweeping staircase. He paused in front of another set of double doors, before throwing them open with a flourish.

I felt like I was visiting the Queen of England.

Or Madonna.

"Miss Swan has arrived," he announced, moving aside so I could enter a large sitting room. A massive fireplace with a stone surround took up most of the far wall, flanked on either side by glass French doors that looked out onto the sweeping back yard. Two plush, dark green sofas faced each other in front of the fireplace. Eleanor was perched on one of them and rose when I walked in.

"Bella! So good to see you," she enthused, crossing the room to kiss me on the cheek. The butler withdrew, pulling the doors closed behind him. "Come and sit down." Eleanor gestured to the velvet sofa opposite her and I sank down in the soft cushions, surreptitiously surveying my surroundings.

"You have a lovely home," I said – the understatement of the century.

"Thank you." She gestured to a silver tea service on a rolling cart beside her. "How do you take your tea?"

"Just sugar, thank you."

She poured me a cup, handing it to me as well as a small china plate. I laid a napkin across my lap as she pulled several small trays from the tea cart – one of finger sandwiches, another of tiny cakes with pink and white icing, and a third of scones, along with small silver bowls of lemon curd, raspberry jam, and clotted cream.

Yum! Maybe tea wasn't so bad after all.

I helped myself to a couple of sandwiches and a scone, spooning a little lemon curd, jam, and cream onto my plate. I was a little nervous, if I was to be honest. I wasn't really sure what I was doing there. And I didn't know the etiquette rules for afternoon tea.

I picked up my cup and saucer, about to take a drink when I froze.

Was I supposed to put my pinky up? I didn't know if I was supposed to put my pinky up. I could see my poor little pinky twitching up… down… up… down.

I looked like I was having a pinky seizure.

I snuck a look at Eleanor who took a sip of her tea, her pinky relaxed alongside all her other fingers.

I sighed in relief and took a sip from my own cup.

"Bella, are you all right?" Eleanor examined me with a concerned look on her face.

"Yes, of course. I'm fine." I smiled, my cup clattering slightly as I set it back on the saucer.

"You seem nervous," she observed.

I breathed deeply. "I am… a little…" I admitted. "All of this…" I waved widely, indicating the lavish room and the elegant tea setting. "I'm just a little bit out of my depth here, Mrs. Donahue."

Eleanor laughed. "First of all, call me Eleanor, honey." She set her cup down and reached out to squeeze my hand. "And there's no reason to be nervous. I don't stand on ceremony here. This…" She gestured to the room. "…is just a house. And this…" She indicated the table. "…is just two friends having tea, that's all. Relax, for heaven's sake."

I smiled. "Okay, I'll try." I took a bite of a sandwich with a delicious garlicky-salmon filling and groaned in appreciation.

"Good, isn't it?" Eleanor agreed, biting into her own sandwich. "My cook's specialty. I know it's excessive to employ a full-time cook for only myself, but Lord, the woman can cook. And I can't, so…" She shrugged, finishing her sandwich and wiping her lips with a linen napkin.

"So, how is everything with your young man… Edward, is it?" she asked nonchalantly.

"Edward is fine." I smirked. "How is _your_ young man… John, is it?" I mimicked her tone.

Eleanor grinned. "Oh, you met John? He's a darling, isn't he?" she said dreamily. "So handsome… and those hands…" She wiggled her eyebrows.

"Eleanor!" I exclaimed, shocked.

She shrugged, changing the subject. "Are you planning on going to the march in Springfield?"

I had received a flyer from the Chicago Women's Association about the suffrage march in the state capitol in a couple of weeks. Although exciting to think about, I knew I couldn't afford the train fare to attend, and to be honest I didn't really want to take the time away from Edward. My deadline drew nearer with every day and I finally felt like I was starting to make some progress with him. I didn't want to back down now.

"I don't think so," I answered. "I can't really afford the trip."

"Oh, you'll have to go with me," Eleanor said excitedly. "I have my own train car, so there's no cost there… and I have a suite reserved in Springfield… far more room than I need for myself."

"No, I couldn't possibly," I protested.

"Of course you could," she argued. "It's all in place already, and I have plenty of room. I'd enjoy the company. We'd have so much fun!"

"I don't know…"

"Unless… unless there's some _other_ reason you don't want to go," she said suspiciously.

I squirmed a little in my seat, taking a drink of tea to ease the dryness in my mouth. "Well, the truth is… it's Edward," I admitted. "We spent the day together yesterday and it was… well it was pretty wonderful, actually. We're just kind of getting to know each other and I know if I leave to go to the march he will have a problem with it. I'm just trying to avoid an argument."

Eleanor was silent for a moment, spreading jam on a scone and taking a bite. She sipped her tea thoughtfully. "Bella, let me ask you something," she began. "If Edward wasn't a consideration, would you like to attend the march?"

I thought about it. It actually was kind of an exciting idea – to participate in a real suffrage march on the capitol? How many women get to do that? Well, I mean women born after 1920, that is.

"Yes," I confessed. "I guess I would."

Eleanor nodded as though she expected my answer. "So, in other words, you are willing to give up something you want because it might upset Edward?"

I winced. When she said it like that, Edward sounded like a controlling jerk, and I sounded like such a wimp.

"Bella, if there's one thing I've learned about men, it's that there's a difference between compromise… and capitulation," she said, choosing her words carefully. "It's all well and good to want to get to know Edward, but doesn't he deserve the same thing? Don't you want him to know the real you?"

I looked into my cup, avoiding her eyes. She was right. I couldn't sacrifice who I was for Edward or our relationship was destined for failure. The fact was, even if I was able to mold myself into what he wanted in a girl, eventually my true self would emerge. There was really no keeping her down. Edward would feel tricked. He would resent me, and I would resent him as well. Even if I managed to save him, we would have no real future.

I broke off a piece of my scone as I considered this and slathered on some lemon curd and cream, popping it into my mouth.

Finally, I swallowed and grinned at Eleanor. "When do we leave?"

x-x

Edward didn't call on Sunday, but I was determined not to be the girl that sits by the phone obsessing.

Instead, I sat in the kitchen – outside the room with the phone – obsessing.

Maggie said nothing. She just went about her work, casting a smirking glance my way every now and then.

I couldn't even take my usual Monday nap in preparation for my night schedule at work. I tossed and turned on the little bed and my mind began to wander, which was not a good thing. It was strange. When I was working, or talking with Maggie, or spending time with Edward… any time my mind was kept busy, I was fine. It was when I let my thoughts drift that I got into trouble. At times like those I found myself thinking about my life in the future… present… whatever. Inevitably, those thoughts would lead me to memories of Edward – both happy and desperately painful.

I would see his sadly beautiful face… feel the chill of the forest around me… hear his cold final words to me, vibrating in a haunting rhythm:

" _You're not good for me…"_

Feeding my insecurity.

" _It will be as if I never existed."_

My greatest fear realized.

" _My kind… we're very easily distracted."_

Blurring my vision with jealousy.

" _Goodbye, Bella. Take care of yourself."_

Six words. Nine syllables that nearly broke me.

I would feel all over again the gaping hole his words… his absence… left in the middle of my chest. My heart would burn with remembered pain, regret, and raw and righteous anger.

_How dare he?_

How dare he use my fears and insecurities against me? How dare he decide unilaterally that he and his whole family should leave me - _abandon_ me - in some misguided attempt to protect me?

How dare he break my heart?

At times it would eat at me, the edges of the hole pulling and tearing until I'd feel the need to lash out at Edward in the here and now. I would pace back and forth, preparing an angry tirade to unleash on his unsuspecting head the next time he was unlucky enough to cross my path.

Yet I never did.

I'd like to say it was logic that stopped me. That I consciously decided it just didn't make sense to blame _this_ Edward for things he wouldn't do for a hundred years… things he would never do, if I had my way.

But in fact, it wasn't logic.

It was Edward.

I'd feel the pain and rage roiling in my stomach, but then I'd open the door to his smiling, beautiful face and it would just… disappear. The hole was just gone – not mended, but as if there was never a hole to begin with.

I didn't understand it, and really I'd given up trying to.

So when I found myself succumbing to the painful memories again, I gave up on sleep. Instead, I found myself sitting in the kitchen, picking at a biscuit while Maggie made homemade chocolate pudding.

The pudding smelled amazing, by the way.

"Here," Maggie said, plopping a large bowl and sieve in front of me. "Make yourself useful and strain this for me, will you please?" She handed me the pot of hot pudding, showing me how to use a wooden spoon to press it through the sieve to remove any lumps.

"Maggie, can I ask you something?" I pushed the pudding through the sieve methodically, waiting for her answer.

"Well it's about time!" she exclaimed as she wiped her hands on her apron, her brogue thickening. "I've been watching you mope about this kitchen for two days, wondering when you were finally going to talk about what's bothering you!"

I shrugged, aimlessly twirling my wooden spoon. "I'm sorry. I guess I've been a little distracted."

"Your young man again?" she asked, running hot water in the sink to wash dishes.

"He said he'd call but he hasn't," I replied pathetically. God, I was such a loser.

"You're not the first woman to wait on a man, Bella," she said with a shake of her head. "I sincerely doubt you'll be the last." She gazed out the kitchen window, pensively. It was almost as if _she_ were waiting for something… or someone.

"I know. It doesn't make it any easier, though." I watched Maggie as she gazed out the window and wondered if she even heard what I said. "Maggie?"

"Hmmm?" She turned to me finally. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

I hesitated, unsure if my question would upset her. "I was just wondering… about Henry…"

I watched her intently. Her jaw tightened a bit, but when she spoke her voice was soft. "What about him?"

I licked my lips. "Well… umm… I know it must have hurt a lot when he left."

She looked away abruptly. "That's not a question," she stated flatly.

Crap. I _was_ upsetting her.

"Never mind," I said hurriedly. "I don't want to pry…"

"Bella, it's all right," she interrupted, turning back to me. "What is it you want to know?"

I bit my lip. "I just wondered if… after everything he's put you through… if he came back and was sorry and wanted to be with you again. Would you take him back?"

She took a deep breath. "I ask myself that every day," she confided. "That man broke my heart. He left me all but penniless." A soft smile lit her face. "But there were good times too. Some mornings he would sneak out at dawn to this bakery downtown. They had these little sweet rolls with toasted cinnamon almonds on them. They were my favorite." She was looking out the window again, a faraway gaze on her face. "Even when we were having a tough time making ends meet Henry would bring home two of those rolls, still warm from the oven. 'A sweet for my sweet', he'd say."

She wasn't looking at me, but I could hear the tears in her voice.

"God, I loved that man," she said in a near-whisper, brushing her hands over her eyes and turning to me. "But would I take him back? If he came here, begging my forgiveness and promising he'd love me forever? I don't know," she admitted. "I'd like to say I'd be strong. I'd turn him away and tell him to go back to his tramp and leave me alone, but…" her voice drifted off as her gaze returned to the window.

"But…?" I prodded.

"But love isn't always logical," she said with a small smile. "And if Henry came here begging me to take him back? I might."

We both jumped as the phone rang. Maggie dabbed her eyes with her apron. "I believe that's probably for you," she said with a smile.

I rushed over to give her a quick hug before going to answer the phone.

x-x

To my surprise, Edward called to invite me to an early dinner the following day, and offered to drive me to the hospital afterward. He made no snide comments about my job and even said he was excited to see where I worked.

Go figure.

So Tuesday afternoon I took a little more care than usual getting dressed. I opted to wear my tea dress and bring my uniform along to change into when I got to work. Edward showed up promptly at four o'clock and was standing just inside the door when I came down the stairs. He wore a dark blue suit and held a dark hat in his hands, nervously running his fingers around the brim.

"Hello, Edward." He looked up when I greeted him, and a genuine smile lit his face.

"Hello, Bella. It's nice to see you again," he replied, reaching for the door. "Are you ready to go?"

I nodded and called out a goodbye to Maggie as we walked outside and down to Edward's car.

Dinner was… pleasant. Edward took me to a restaurant just a few blocks from the hospital so we wouldn't have to rush our meal. We both enjoyed juicy steaks with baked potatoes and steamed vegetables and chatted about our families. Edward's father was an attorney. Samantha had told me her father and his were in business together, but I hadn't known they were actually partners in a successful law practice. Edward's mother was much like Samantha's, he told me. She was heavily involved in charity work – in particular the plight of orphans in the city.

When Edward asked me about my family I hesitated, but decided to go ahead and tell him the truth - at least a version of it. I told him I had lived with my father, a small town police chief, until I lost him and came to Chicago. Pity filled his eyes at that and I did feel a little guilty leading him to believe both my parents were dead. I didn't really see an alternative, though.

Chicken that I was, I avoided telling him about my planned trip to Springfield. I knew I had to tell him sometime, but didn't want to ruin our nice evening with what I knew would be an argument.

Edward was attentive and courteous, but he also seemed strangely anxious and a little distracted. As we walked out of the restaurant, he suggested we walk to the hospital and I agreed, wrapping my hand through his bent arm.

We walked along in silence for a bit, then I finally asked, "Edward, is something wrong?"

He glanced at me and the side of his mouth rose in a half-grin. "No, sorry. I just need to ask you something, and to be honest I'm a little nervous about it."

Edward nervous about talking to me? Well _this_ was a change.

"What is it?" I asked with an encouraging smile.

He ran his free hand through his hair. "Well… um… next Sunday is Easter," he began.

"Is it? I didn't realize," I replied.

"Yes." He nodded. "And my mother would like… I mean, I would like it if you would… maybe… join us for services?"

"Services?" I repeated blankly. "You mean church?"

He gave me a curious look. "Yes. Church. And dinner afterward… at my house… with my parents."

My mouth dried. He wanted me to meet his parents. I mean, technically I had already met his mom, but this was _meeting the parents_. Nerves clenched in my stomach at the thought. What if they hated me? What if they forbid him to see me?

"If you don't want to… if it's too soon… I understand," Edward rambled, flushing hotly. "It's just that my mother really wanted you to come… and I thought it might be nice…"

I battled my anxiety. "No, Edward… it _would_ be nice… it sounds nice… it's just that…" My eyes fell to the ground. "What if they don't like me?" I asked timidly.

Edward released a breath, visibly relieved. "Of course they'll like you, Bella. My mother already likes you."

Surprised, I looked at him. "Really?"

"Sure, it was her idea. She said she'd love to see you again." He paused, a smirk appearing on his lips. "As for my father, as long as you steer clear of your suffrage soap box, you should do just fine."

I rolled my eyes. "I take it _he's_ where you got your old-fashioned views on women."

Edward shrugged, unaffected. "We do agree on many issues, yes." He paused, looking at me intently. "However, I _may_ be reconsidering my former position. It's _possible_ there may be merit to the argument in favor of women's rights," he said grudgingly.

"How very forward-thinking of you, Mr. Masen," I replied with a grin.

"Well, Samantha was very convincing. It's easier to consider someone's position when they're speaking calmly instead of shouting at you." He shot me a wry glance.

"I don't shout. I speak passionately."

"If you say so."

We rounded the corner a block away from the hospital, and I felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe Edward was coming around. Maybe he'd be okay with me going to the suffrage march.

"Ummm… there's something I've been meaning to tell you too," I began. "I'm going to be going on a trip next weekend – the weekend after Easter."

"A trip?" Edward repeated. "A trip where?"

"To Springfield," I said, biting my lip.

"Springfield? What are you going to do in Springfield?" he asked curiously.

"Ummm… I'll be going to a march." I took a breath, diving in. "A suffrage march."

To his credit, Edward didn't explode. Instead, he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and said, "Those marches are dangerous, Bella. Women have been arrested. Are you ready to go to prison?"

"No one's going to prison, Edward."

"You don't know that," he retorted, his voice low, but serious. "You'll be in a strange city, all by yourself. It's not safe."

"I won't be by myself," I said quickly, just as quickly regretting it.

"Who are you going with?" he asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

I looked away. "My friend, Eleanor."

"Eleanor Donahue?" he growled quietly, anger setting in. "I should have known that woman was behind this!"

I bristled. "Eleanor is my friend," I said firmly. "She and I will be traveling together."

"You absolutely will not!" he yelled. "You're not going anywhere with that… that _harlot_!"

I turned on him in fury. "She is _not_ a harlot! And you can't tell me where I can or cannot go!"

"Is there a problem, Bella?" A quiet, musical voice interrupted our argument and I turned to see Carlisle standing a few feet away in the shade of an awning, a concerned look on his face.

Edward fumed. "Who are you?" he asked aggressively.

"I am a friend of Bella's," Carlisle said quietly, but with definite warning in his tone. "Who are you?"

"Ummm…" I interrupted. "Edward, this is Carlisle… Dr. Cullen… my boss. Dr. Cullen, this is Edward Masen."

The two men sized each other up, but made no move to shake hands. I half expected them to pee on each other… or on me.

Men!

Edward looked at Carlisle as if solving a puzzle. " _Cullen_ , you say?" He turned toward me, suspicion in his eyes. I groaned inwardly, only imagining what was going through Edward's mind.

Carlisle ignored him, turning instead to take a step toward me, still staying under the awning. "Bella, are you all right?" he asked.

"Of course she's all right," Edward retorted and I could swear I heard a low growl come from Carlisle. I looked at him in surprise, but he was focused on Edward.

"I'm… fine, Dr. Cullen," I said, taking his arm lightly. "It's nearly six o'clock. I need to get to work." I turned to Edward. "Thank you for dinner, Edward. I'll talk to you later."

Edward was watching us with a scowl on his face. His eyes dipped to where my hand touched Carlisle and darkened further.

"I'll telephone you tomorrow," he said, casting a warning glance toward Carlisle. "And I'll pick you up at eight o'clock on Sunday… for Easter… with my _family,_ " he emphasized, a smug look on his face. Carlisle said nothing, but I noticed his eyes narrowing just a touch.

"Fine," I said, exasperated. Testosterone swirled in the air as I tugged on Carlisle's arm, heading toward the hospital and trying to stay in the shade to prevent him from sparkling like a diamond in the dwindling, but still-apparent sunlight. Fortunately, it was a bit overcast and we managed to stay in the shadows. I looked back before we walked through the door and saw Edward still watching us. He waved before turning to head back down the street, muttering to himself.

I released Carlisle's arm and waited until we were in his office before I turned on him.

"Just what was that all about?" I asked accusingly.

Carlisle shrugged. "I heard you yelling and thought you might be in trouble. I was only trying to help."

"You were _eavesdropping_ on me?"

"No, I wasn't eavesdropping," Carlisle said defensively, "but I heard your argument and wanted to come out to make sure you were all right." He paused, then added in a quieter voice. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to interfere. Really, I was just worried about you."

I sighed, unable to stay mad at Carlisle. "I know," I said finally. "It's okay." Then as an afterthought added, "You heard me? From all the way up here?" I was still a little annoyed and let that color my voice.

Carlisle smirked. "I happen to have excellent hearing."

"Yes, I'm sure you do," I said wryly before changing the subject. "So what are we doing tonight?"

Carlisle had me work on organizing the files in his bursting filing cabinet, taking out anything older than five years and setting it aside for him to review. He worked in his laboratory while I went through the files and the room was quiet except for the rustling of paper and occasional clink of a slide against the microscope.

"So," Carlisle began, interrupting the silence. "That boy… that's the Edward you were telling me about?" he asked nonchalantly. "The one you were worried would be hurt by your friend Samantha?"

I looked up from the file I was reading. "Yes," I said hesitantly, unsure of where this was going.

"Mmm…" he murmured. "He seems to have recovered nicely."

My eyes widened in amused surprise. "Carlisle! Are you being snarky?"

He flashed me a glance, then quickly looked back to his microscope. "I'm not trying to be… snarky," he said. "It just seemed to me like he wasn't all that concerned about Samantha. He seemed much more interested in you."

I swallowed, knowing I'd have to tread carefully. "Well, I might have overestimated his feelings for Samantha."

Carlisle hummed noncommittally, switching out his slide.

I thought he was finished talking and turned back to my filing, surprised when he turned to me with a worried look on his face. "I don't like how he was talking to you, Bella. He seems very… aggressive."

I softened at Carlisle's protective concern. It was actually nice to know he was looking out for me… like he did for everyone he cared about. I remembered how he talked about Edward as he picked pieces of broken glass out of my arm after my disastrous birthday party. His voice held that same protectiveness… that innate yearning to keep those he loved safe.

"Carlisle, there's nothing to worry about," I assured him. "Edward and I tend to butt heads, but he would never hurt me."

"Still, he seems like a bit of an ass," he muttered, turning back to his slides.

I chuckled. "Well… he is… at times," I admitted. "But not always. He can be really sweet too."

Carlisle huffed and focused his microscope. We worked in silence for a few more minutes, until Carlisle said quietly, "There are a lot of sweet men out there, Bella. And many of them would never think of yelling at you or trying to make you into something you're not."

I didn't know what to say to that, and Carlisle didn't look up. So instead I focused on my files as he packed his slides in a small box and put them in a drawer.

He turned to me, picking up the stack of files I had laid on his desk, flipping through them absently. "I'm sorry, Bella," he said finally. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"You didn't," I said hurriedly, then shrugged. "Well, maybe a little bit, but it's okay. I appreciate the fact that you are worried about me. It really means a lot... really," I added, when at last he met my eyes.

He smiled slightly. "Good, I'm glad," he said. "Now what's this about a suffrage march?"

"I knew you were eavesdropping!" I scolded.

He laughed slightly. "Well, I didn't hear _everything_ , but it was kind of hard to miss," he teased. "You're rather loud when you're upset."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring that comment. "I'm going with Eleanor Donahue…" I began and Carlisle emitted a strangled sound. He looked away quickly, and I swear if he still had blood in his veins he would have blushed.

"Carlisle? Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes, yes of course," he stammered.

A light suddenly flickered on in my head. "Carlisle… do you… _know_ Eleanor Donahue?"

He wouldn't meet my eyes, but said quietly, "Yes, I know her."

I couldn't resist teasing him a bit. "In the _biblical_ sense?"

"That's a rather personal question," he chided.

"And that's not a 'no'," I pointed out teasingly. "Carlisle?" I prodded. "How is that even possible?"

Embarrassed eyes met mine for a moment before he replied, "I met Eleanor several years ago, shortly after her husband died. She had just returned from Europe and was seeing a young Frenchman."

"Pierre," I murmured.

He nodded. "We met at an art exhibit of a mutual friend and got to chatting. We became friends. When Pierre left to go back to France, we became… _more_ for a time."

I gaped in disbelief. "But," I said hesitantly, "wasn't that… dangerous?" If what Edward went through to be with me was any indication, Carlisle had to have super-human control to have a relationship like that with a human woman. I wondered how much she knew about him.

He shrugged. "It probably wasn't a wise decision, but we were both lonely and looking for companionship. It didn't last long. We both realized we were better as friends."

"Are you still friends?" I asked.

"I see her on occasion socially, but we're not as close as we once were. It's difficult to return to that kind of relationship once you've been… intimate."

I was dying of curiosity, wondering just how _intimate_ Carlisle had been with Eleanor. I couldn't bring myself to ask, though. "I'm so sorry," I said instead.

He smiled. "No need Bella, really. It was a long time ago and was… nothing serious. No broken hearts… no hurt feelings. Eleanor was, and _is_ , a lovely woman. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time in Springfield."

Carlisle really seemed to be all right, so I took the opportunity to satisfy at least a little of my curiosity.

"So do you… see women… often?" I asked.

He smirked. "No, not often," he said simply.

"But you do… see women, on occasion," I prompted.

He chuckled. "On occasion."

"Hmmm," I murmured. "Are you… seeing a woman now?"

Carlisle regarded me impassively. "Why do you ask?"

I blushed, looking away quickly. "Just curious. I'm sorry… I don't mean to be nosy."

"It's all right," he said quietly. "The answer is no, I'm not… seeing a woman right now." I looked back at him as he continued, his amber gaze focused on mine. "It's been a long time since I've met someone I could trust… someone I could connect with on a more intimate level."

He seemed to sense my discomfort, because he added with a wry smile, "Besides, women can be a pain in the neck, present company excluded, of course."

I grinned. "Of course."

But my smile didn't reach my eyes, and as Carlisle turned to go back to work, I worried about what he was thinking.

x-x

My dreams that night were dark and frightening, with flashes of black and gray and red… disturbing images I could barely grasp before they flickered away.

Rosalie… Emmett… Esme… faces grimaced in pain… harsh screams and sobs… and blood, everywhere blood.

I turned in the darkness as each voice called out to me… barely able to form words amidst the cries of agony. Tears poured down my face as I reached out, unable to touch them before they would vanish in the darkness.

Edward's face appeared before me, pale and golden-eyed, a slow smile lighting his otherworldly features. Then I heard a voice behind me and came face-to-face with the human Edward, flushed and grinning. I looked back and forth between them and noticed each was grasping one of my hands, tugging lightly.

"You have to choose, Bella." Carlisle appeared before me, his beautiful face sad and serious. "You _must_ choose."

Suddenly my arms were being tugged more forcefully, as the gaze of each Edward left my face and focused on the other. Before I knew it, they had released me and were attacking each other, eyes wild and fists flying, rolling on the ground before me.

Before me, Carlisle was replaced by Alice. "You have to choose," she said firmly as I watched the violent battle at my feet.

With a roaring cry, blood spurted between the two men and I cried out as the vampire Edward looked up at me, his teeth and mouth dripping with blood, his eyes glowing red. The human Edward lay unmoving before me, a gaping wound at his neck.

"No!" I screamed, dropping to my knees.

Then they were gone, and I was alone, sobbing uncontrollably and surrounded only by darkness.

 


	12. Of Making Peace and Meeting the Parents

  


_Edward's Church, Wicker Park Lutheran_

 

_**"Love is the emblem of eternity: it confounds all notion of time, effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end."** _

_**\- Germaine De Stael** _

**Chapter 11 – Of Making Peace and Meeting the Parents  
**

You didn't have to be a psychiatrist to discern the meaning behind my terrifying dream. Obviously my subconscious was having some issues with my decision to save Edward and keep him for myself. Was I being selfish? Would my actions affect the other Cullens – or even keep them from ever becoming Cullens in the first place?

I would have been lying to say the thought didn't haunt me. What if saving Edward meant condemning Esme… Emmett… Rosalie? As for Alice, I knew her transformation wasn't reliant on Carlisle. But I also knew that when she _was_ changed she lived for the hope that she would one day find Jasper, as well as the Cullen family. Was I taking that hope away from her with my actions? Was that why she was appearing to me – or was she just a manifestation of my own guilt and self-doubt? Was I destroying an entire family in the process of creating one for myself?

I didn't know, but I vowed to do whatever I could to make sure that didn't happen.

Except give up Edward.

Maybe I _was_ being selfish, but now that I'd found him I just couldn't lose him again.

Of course, I also worried about Charlie and Renee… and Jake… and Angela and my other friends. I wondered sometimes what had happened to me in that other time. Was I unconscious somewhere in a hospital bed? Was I dead? Had I simply vanished completely? Did anyone even miss me, or was it as if I'd never existed in the first place?

But like so many questions about this strange and crazy journey I was on, these had no answers. I didn't know what was happening there. More importantly, there was nothing I could do about it. So even though at times, late at night, I indulged in tears and mourning for those I left behind – or those I might be hurting - I felt that I could not let it consume me if I was going to survive.

My greatest fear was one I rarely acknowledged, even to myself. What if I succeeded in my mission? What if I saved Edward, then against my will was swept back to the future. A future with no Edward. A future where I'd never met him and had no memory of him... where to me, he was only a faded photograph of a man long-dead that I came across one day in a history book or newspaper clipping?

The thought filled me with crippling dread. Even though he left me lying on the forest floor alone, with a hole in my chest where my heart once was… even though losing him nearly destroyed me… I couldn't bear the thought of never knowing him at all. I guess that old saying about it being better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all was true.

I couldn't imagine that fate would be that cruel.

Of course, if that happened, I would never know, would I? Ugh. This was why time travel was so tricky in the movies. There was really no way of knowing what effect your actions would have. So I decided that all I could do was follow my instincts and do what I believed I was here to accomplish… and pray to God that I would be able to stay with Edward once I did.

I _hoped_ that didn't mean I was selfish.

I hoped it meant I was strong.

x-x

Edward didn't call on Wednesday and I feared that our argument, and the arrival of Carlisle, had affected him more than I thought. He was pretty angry when I left him standing on the sidewalk and although he confirmed our plans for Easter, I wondered if he'd since had a change of heart.

So Wednesday night, as I sat in Carlisle's office working on the files, I was distracted and tense. I paid little attention to him as he read through newspapers looking for the latest information on the influenza outbreak.

"The back page?" he exclaimed suddenly, causing me to jump in surprise. "Three inches on the back page – that's all there is! Don't these people recognize the seriousness of the situation?" he asked no one in particular.

I answered anyway. "It's just the first wave, Carlisle. I told you. No one will really take this seriously until the second wave hits in the fall."

"But we're talking about hundreds of cases in Kansas alone!" he argued. "Dozens have died already – and more American troops are heading to Europe every week. You know that's only going to cause it to spread overseas."

I stood and walked to the chair in front of Carlisle's desk, watching him rub his eyes in frustration. "You know that and I know that," I told him as I sat down. "But there's nothing we can do about it."

"I know," he said, his fists clenched tightly. "It's just so frustrating! I thought it would help to know more about the disease, but…"

"But," I concluded for him, "it doesn't help at all, does it?"

Carlisle sighed. "It just goes against my nature. I want to help… to save lives… but to know that there's nothing I can do… it's difficult."

"You're doing what you can do," I encouraged him. "You're looking for treatments. You're preparing to fight it when it gets here."

"But it won't be enough," he argued wearily. "People will still die."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "A wise man once told me, 'You can't save the world.'"

The corners of his mouth lifted a little. "What idiot said that?"

I laughed. "Oh, just a doctor I know. He's terribly annoying. Thinks he has all the answers."

"Sounds irritating," Carlisle observed, his grin growing.

"It is," I agreed. "What's even more irritating is that he's usually right."

"What do you mean 'usually'?" he asked playfully.

I was grateful that the tension in the room had lifted slightly. Carlisle had been distracted from his frustration and I from my worries about Edward. After a moment though, Carlisle sobered and eyed me intently.

"So, have you heard from Edward?" he asked.

I looked down. "No."

Carlisle grunted. "I would have thought he'd have called to apologize."

"Carlisle…" I began, exhaling heavily.

"I know, it's none of my business," he interrupted. "I just… worry about you."

I softened. "Carlisle, that's really sweet… but you don't have to worry. I'm fine."

"Just be careful who you choose for friends," he said finally. "This city is filled with unsavory characters just waiting to prey on innocent young women."

I smirked and decided to play with him a little. "You make Edward sound like some kind of predator… waiting to gobble me up."

To his credit, Carlisle didn't crack a smile. "How do you know he isn't?"

"Believe me, I know how to spot a predator," I said with a wry grin.

Carlisle just chuckled and returned to his newspapers.

x-x

Edward finally called shortly after I woke up Thursday afternoon. He did apologize for yelling at me, although he admitted he was still not happy with my decision to go to Springfield.

"I still think it's dangerous, Bella," he said. "I wish I could go with you, but I have a track meet in Elgin on Saturday."

"Edward, you worry too much," I replied. "I'll be fine. It's going to be a peaceful march, and I won't do anything dangerous I promise."

I waited for him to bring up Carlisle, but surprisingly he didn't. It should have made me feel better, but his silence on the subject only served to make me more tense. Edward asked if he could take me out again before Easter and instead, I offered to make him dinner at the boarding house the following evening.

I didn't mention our plans to Carlisle. Even though I thought he'd be happy to hear that Edward had apologized, I doubted he'd be supportive of me spending more time with him.

I found it ironic that in my time, Edward and Carlisle were so close… family actually… but in 1918, they really didn't like each other very much. Of course, if it wasn't for me, they wouldn't have met until Edward got sick. So once again I was left wondering if I'd caused more problems than I'd solved by meddling in the past.

My self-doubt was getting me nowhere, however. I could sit and second-guess myself all day, but in the end I truly believed I was in 1918 for a reason. And everything in me told me that reason was Edward.

I wanted to make dinner myself, but given Maggie's possessiveness when it came to her kitchen, I was nervous approaching her. To my amazement, she welcomed the opportunity to let someone else cook for a change and offered to accompany me on my shopping trip for ingredients.

I had decided to make spaghetti and meatballs, but the choices at the local market were limited, so we made the trip to Little Italy. I smiled, remembering walking down those same streets and munching pizza with Edward.

We found a little market where I was able to buy fresh pasta and olive oil. Down the street, I found a vendor displaying fresh tomatoes, basil, garlic and onions on a wooden cart. Maggie was invaluable, teaching me the fine art of bartering.

"Let me handle this," she had said quietly after pulling me away from the vegetable cart. I shrugged and stood behind her listening. I was ready to pay the twenty-two cents the vendor had asked for, but Maggie insisted she could get a better deal.

Better than twenty-two cents? I had to see that.

Maggie and the vendor went back and forth for a few minutes, giving me a new appreciation for the phrase "drive a hard bargain". The vendor kept insisting he was giving us the best price, and for a moment I thought Maggie was going to fail. She grabbed my arm to pull me away and I protested.

"But I need…" I began before Maggie shushed me.

We took a few steps before the vendor called out to us, telling us to wait for a moment. With a smug smile, Maggie turned to walk back to the cart and I followed her. The vendor went into the building behind him and emerged a few minutes later with a metal container wrapped in a towel, and a small packet.

"Gelato and pizzelles," he explained in his thick accent, unwrapping the packet to reveal a pile of delicate snowflake-shaped cookies. "My wife made them this morning. You take it all for twenty-five cents?"

Gelato? Yes please!

Maggie agreed and I paid the vendor, excited that I now had dessert to serve. We returned home, stopping briefly at a butcher shop on the way to pick up a couple of pounds of ground beef. I was worried that the gelato would melt, so when we got back to the boarding house I placed it in the back of the icebox, right next to the big block of ice.

Dinner was a lot of fun. Tom had invited Samantha, so the four of us, along with Jared, Liza, and Maggie crowded around the dining table. Alistair was out for the evening, doing I don't know what. I had a hard time believing the guy had a social life.

Maybe he had a wild side.

I giggled at the image that jumped into my head of the staid Alistair sitting at a bar picking up girls or playing beer pong. Oh! Maybe he was a cross-dresser.

For some reason, Alistair morphed into Edna Turnblad from _Hairspray_.

_Mama I'm a big girl now…_

"What did you say, Bella?" Edward asked, bringing me out of my crazy thoughts.

_Crap. Did I just sing that out loud?_

"Nothing." I blushed, looking down at my plate. "I just had a song stuck in my head… it's nothing."

The conversation was relaxed and friendly. Everyone loved the spaghetti and meatballs, which I served with garlicky French bread and a green salad with homemade vinaigrette. Jared and Edward each helped themselves to seconds… and thirds… not that I was counting.

Samantha wiped her mouth and turned to me. "So Bella, how is everything going at the hospital? Are you enjoying working with Doctor… what was his name?" I noticed Edward cringing slightly, but ignored it.

"Dr. Cullen," I replied.

"Or _Carlisle_ ," Edward muttered.

Samantha's eyes widened at Edward's tone and she looked at me questioningly. I just rolled my eyes and replied. "It's going really well, actually. Dr. Cullen…" I shot Edward an annoyed look. "…is a wonderful boss."

"I bet he is," Edward said under his breath.

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" I growled.

Edward glared at me. "It means that your Dr. Cullen," he spat, "has more on his mind than studying germs, or whatever it is he says he's doing."

I started to reply, but Edward cut me off.

"… and why do you call him Carlisle anyway? That's pretty unprofessional, if you ask me."

"Well, I'm not asking you!" I responded hotly. "For your information, Dr. Cullen is an excellent boss and a wonderful man. He asked me to call him Carlisle because we happen to be friends, as well as colleagues… not that it's any of your business!"

Edward reddened. "Not my business? I'm just looking out for you," he argued.

"You know what?" I stood, throwing my napkin on the table and picking up my plate. "I've just about had it with men who feel like they need to look out for me!" I stacked several other plates on top of mine and planted a false smile on my face. "Who wants gelato?" I asked cheerily as I turned to walk into the kitchen.

I put the plates on the kitchen counter, then leaned on it, breathing heavily. Maggie joined me in a moment, bringing with her another stack of plates and silverware. I turned to scrape the plates into the garbage can, angrily pushing scraps of spaghetti with a fork. I could hear a hissed conversation in the dining room, but couldn't make out what they were saying.

"Are you all right?" Maggie asked as she set the plates on the counter next to me.

"Just peachy," I grunted. I felt bad about my bitchiness though and turned to her with a small smile. "I'm fine. Just a little… frustrated."

Maggie scraped a plate thoughtfully. "Well, I can understand that," she admitted quietly.

"I mean, who does he think he is?" I whispered angrily. "Telling me what to do… who I can have as friends."

"Bit cheeky, isn't he?" she agreed, but I could tell she wanted to say more.

"What?" I asked huffily.

"Nothing."

"Maggie, what did you want to say?" I asked impatiently.

She set the stack of plates in the sink. "Men are like dogs, in a way. When they see another dog moving into their territory, their first instinct is to attack."

"And you think Edward sees Carlisle as moving into his territory?" I asked sarcastically.

Great. Now I was Edward's bitch.

"He's striking out because he's feeling threatened, Bella," Maggie explained. "You are not like any other woman Edward knows. You're independent. You have your own mind. And you don't mind giving him a piece of it."

I smirked. That was true.

Maggie continued. "Men may look strong, but really they're quite fragile when it comes to their pride. He just needs reassurance." She started to say something else, but stopped when Edward appeared in the doorway.

"May I have a moment?" he asked quietly. Maggie looked at me and I shrugged.

"I'll get dessert ready and bring it out in a minute," I said to her, moving to the icebox to get the gelato.

Maggie went back into the dining room, and Edward stood awkwardly in the doorway, shifting nervously on his feet.

I began scooping the creamy gelato into bowls and Edward finally cleared his throat to speak.

"Bella… I'm… I'm sorry," he said gruffly. "I didn't mean to suggest that you have behaved… inappropriately with Dr. Cullen." He tried to mask his distaste at Carlisle's name, but didn't quite succeed.

Still, he was making an effort, and I couldn't stay mad at him for long.

I sighed. "Edward, you have to believe me. There is nothing going on with Carlisle. He's a friend and he's my boss."

To his credit, Edward kept his temper in check. "I've seen the way he looks at you," he said quietly, "and it's much more than friendly."

I wanted to argue the point, but I wasn't sure I could. Although my relationship with Carlisle had been innocent, I sometimes wondered if maybe what Edward said was true. I looked at Carlisle as a father figure… a friend. I knew he worried about me and felt protective of me, but I had to admit once in a while I felt there was something… more… to his concern. I just wrote it off as gratitude, more than anything else – for a respite from the loneliness that he'd endured for decades. He felt he could trust me and be himself around me - at least to an extent - and that had to be a relief.

"Even if that were the case, and I'm not saying it is," I told Edward, "I do not feel that way about Carlisle. I'm not interested in him romantically. He is a friend. That's all. You have to trust me, Edward. You can't dictate who my friends are."

Edward's eyes fell and I saw his face redden. "I know," he said slowly. "I guess… I was just…"

"Jealous?" I finished, and his eyes flashed up before a sheepish grin lit his face. He shrugged and looked down again and my heart softened. I approached him, lifting a hand to stroke his cheek.

"Believe me," I said emphatically, "you have no reason to be jealous."

His smile widened and we stood for a moment looking at each other, grinning like idiots.

"Now come on," I ordered, handing him the plate of cookies off the counter, then turning to finish scooping the gelato. "It's time for dessert."

x-x

I was a nervous wreck by the time Sunday rolled around. I couldn't sleep, finally snagging a few hours before my eyes popped open at dawn, refusing to close again.

Despite Edward's reassurances, my stomach churned at the idea of meeting his parents. I didn't remember feeling this fearful the first time he brought me home to meet his family… and that had been in a houseful of vampires.

Evidently I was more concerned about parental disapproval than exsanguination.

What? It means being drained of blood.

So I watched a lot of _CSI_. Sue me.

Liza had taken pity on me Saturday, dragging me shopping under the pretense that I needed a new Easter hat. I knew everyone was just tired of my anxious pacing and nail-biting, so I gave in and we spent the afternoon at Marshall Field's. Liza bought a beautiful new lavender dress with a matching hat. I chose a pale yellow silk hat with a delicate lace band and bought a length of matching yellow ribbon to wear as a sash with my tea dress.

I took an abnormal amount of time getting ready Sunday morning – both because of my desire to look as nice as possible, and because I had a couple of hours to sit and worry before Edward came to get me. I showered and washed my hair, drying it by the radiator and yearning for the invention of the blow dryer. The house was active by the time I was dressed and ready to go. I guessed everyone went to church on Easter, because they were all wearing their Sunday best, sipping coffee and eating sweet rolls when I came down the stairs.

I didn't eat or drink anything. Butterflies still flitted about my stomach, and I worried about spilling coffee on my dress.

It never failed. Any time I wore white I was destined to spill something on myself. I probably had six white shirts back home that I only wore for painting or working in the yard because each was stained with grape jelly or mustard or soy sauce. Learning my lesson, I usually dressed in darker colors, but on the rare occasion I did wear white, I tried to avoid eating or drinking anything that wasn't.

I hoped we'd be having mashed potatoes for Easter dinner… or rice… or tapioca.

Gross. Actually I hated tapioca.

Jared, Liza, and Maggie were the first to leave, heading for Our Lady of Sorrows, a few blocks south. Tom left a few minutes later, destined for the Presbyterian Church downtown to meet Samantha's family. Edward, I had learned, was Lutheran.

I sat on the couch by the front door, nervously wringing my fingers, then stood quickly, worried I would wrinkle my dress.

God, I was a mess.

I forced myself to take a deep breath and try to get myself under control. Finally, I heard a knock at the door and I braced myself one last time.

All my tension evaporated when I opened the door to see Edward standing on the front stoop, dressed in a crisp white shirt, dark suit and tie, and holding his hat in his hands. He was clean-shaven, and I noticed a small nick on his Adam's apple as he swallowed deeply. He had tried to tame his wild hair, but a few locks broke free, hanging over his forehead. He was flushed, and his nervous smile widened as our eyes met. All I could do was smile back, my earlier worries forgotten.

"Good morning, Bella," he said in a low voice. "You look… beautiful."

"So do you," I said breathily. When he smirked and I realized what I had said, I corrected quickly, "I mean… you look… nice too… very… handsome." I blushed and turned away to get my bag.

"Ready?" he asked.

I nodded. "As I'll ever be."

x-x

It wasn't as bad as I'd expected. The church itself was beautiful with its Romanesque lines, granite stonework and stained glass windows. I stared up at the building in awe as Edward searched for a parking place along the side of the road.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Edward asked proudly as he squeezed between two cars near the end of the block. "It's modeled after the Holy Trinity Chapel in Caen, France."

That meant absolutely nothing to me, but I murmured appreciatively anyway as we got out of the car and walked toward the front entrance.

"Want to hear something scandalous?" he asked playfully as he tucked my hand into the crook of his elbow.

"Of course," I replied just as playfully.

Edward bent closer to me, his eyes twinkling as if sharing a secret. "When they built the church they used granite salvaged from a…" He cleared his throat. "…a house of Ill-repute."

"No!" I exclaimed in shocked amusement.

He nodded. "It's true. It was razed by the city and they used the stones here."

"Isn't that like… sinful or something?" I asked.

Edward laughed. "I'm sure some people would think so. It's not a fact the congregation usually brags about."

As we neared the front door, I ran a hand along the granite stones. "Oh, if these walls could talk…" I said to Edward, wiggling my eyebrows.

To my surprise, he blushed and said nothing, simply pulling open the door for me to walk in.

The inside was just as remarkable as the outside, and as we made our way between the crowded rows of pews I took in the rich, dark mouldings and recessed-panel wainscoting throughout the room. The high ceilings arched over the altar, a large circular stained glass window centered in the front wall. Below it, a painting of the Last Supper was surrounded by more intricately-carved wood. Sunlight filtered through the stained glass, creating a dreamy atmosphere in the sanctuary. For some reason it reminded me of the abbey where Maria got married in the _Sound of Music_.

Pots of Easter lilies and other spring flowers decorated the steps to the altar and an organist played quietly as people found their seats. I spotted Edward's mother about halfway down the aisle, sitting next to a distinguished-looking man I assumed was Edward's father. To my surprise, we didn't sit with them, but Edward led me to an empty spot across the aisle. Elizabeth Masen looked up with a small smile and wave as we sat down.

Once again I was tortured by sitting close enough to Edward to feel the heat radiating off his body – but not being able to touch him. An older couple stood at the far end of the pew, and everyone shifted down toward us to give them a place to sit. Suddenly, Edward's firm thigh was lightly touching mine and I noticed him once again gripping his kneecaps tightly. My heart sped and my breathing shallowed at the electric contact. I wanted to reach out to him so badly that my fingers twitched. Fortunately, my brain still worked well enough to command my hands to grab hold of each other instead of Edward's hard thigh. My intertwined fingers clenched tightly in my lap, but all I could think about was twisting my hand in Edward's tie, dragging him down between the pews and climbing on top of him.

That's right. In church. I was going to hell for sure.

The service was quiet, traditional… and incredibly long. The pastor, unfortunately, was not gifted with brevity, nor wit, and his sermon dragged on as the temperature in the sanctuary escalated.

Edward leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees and I gulped as more of him came into view. I noticed beads of sweat glistening on the back of his neck above his starched collar, the tips of his hair dampened by the moisture. What was it about his perspiration that drove me crazy? On most men it would be disgusting, but for some reason, on Edward "hot and sweaty" was the most potent aphrodisiac. I just wanted to run my fingers across his neck collecting the wet drops… then across his back underneath his damp shirt… along the waistband of his pants, dipping down to get a grab of that fine a—

"Sin!" the preacher yelled without warning, interrupting my sweat-induced fantasy. My eyes snapped to the pulpit and his eyes focused in on me.

Crap. Could he read my mind?

_Quick. Think about puppies. Or nuns. Wait, nuns are Catholic. Think of something Lutheran-y._

"Stop squirming," Edward said quietly, barely moving his lips.

"What?"

"If you squirm, he thinks you feel guilty," he murmured, his eyes still facing forward.

Okay. I _was_ feeling guilty.

Edward continued quietly, "He'll keep staring at you if he thinks he's making an impact."

Geez. That was kind of manipulative. And mean.

So I had to look not guilty. I consciously relaxed in my seat, willing myself not to squirm. What now? Just in case he _could_ read my mind, I thought innocent thoughts: _I'm a nice girl_ , I repeated mentally, smiling slightly and tucking my hair behind my ear. The reverend's eyes widened and his voice faltered, then he looked away abruptly.

Oh God. Now he thought I was flirting with him. Perfect.

Well, at least he wasn't staring at me anymore.

The rising heat in the church and Edward's proximity were not conducive to innocent thoughts, however, and my eyes flew around the room, searching for a distraction. I noticed several parishioners fanning themselves with their hymnals and shifting uncomfortably in their seats.

An older man in the pew in front of us was nodding, and I realized he was fighting to stay awake. I bit my lip as I watched his head bow forward, then snap up abruptly as he'd blink his eyes frantically. I heard a low chuckle beside me and out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward's smirk. He was watching the same man.

Finally, sleep won out and the man's chin dipped down to his chest and stayed there. A few moments later the unmistakable sounds of snoring drifted back toward us. I stifled a giggle, pressing my hand to my lips and shooting Edward an amused glance. He was fighting laughter too, his head down and his shoulders shaking.

"Shhh…" admonished an older woman behind us. We straightened and tried to ignore the snoring, which was getting steadily louder.

The pastor's voice gained fervency as he tried to make a point – about what I wasn't sure, because I was so not paying attention – and with a final exclamation, he slammed his hand down on the pulpit.

The snoring man sat up suddenly with a loud snort, startled into wakefulness. His wife elbowed him with a sharp look and the man shrugged sheepishly.

Edward and I both hunched over in our seats, hugging our stomachs and trying not to laugh out loud. I noticed Edward's father shooting us a disapproving look.

Great. I hadn't even met the man yet and I'd already irritated him.

At least the whole snoring episode had somewhat lifted the tension between Edward and me. We were both a little more relaxed through the rest of the sermon, even exchanging a small smile as we shared a hymnal for the final song. My calm was short-lived, though, as Edward's parents approached us once the service was over.

"Hello, Bella," Mrs. Masen said with a smile, "I'm so glad you were able to join us today."

"Thank you for inviting me," I replied with a nervous glance toward Edward's father.

Mrs. Masen took the cue, turning toward her husband. "Dear, this is Bella Swan. Bella, my husband, Edward Masen."

I extended my hand. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Masen."

Thankfully, he didn't mention our inappropriate church giggling and just shook my hand firmly. "The pleasure is mine, Bella," he said formally, but with a warm smile.

We followed the crowd out of the church and walked to separate cars, with plans to meet at Edward's house. The first meeting seemed to go well, but now I had to sit through an entire meal with Edward's parents. I didn't know how I'd manage to eat anything.

"You need to relax," Edward grinned as he held the car door open for me. "There's nothing to be nervous about."

"Who said I was nervous?" I asked with a toss of my hair.

Edward smirked as he took his seat next to me. "Well, you've been biting your lip so much I'm surprised it's not bleeding. You're wringing your hands… and you haven't said a word in the past ten minutes. That alone is cause for alarm."

"Ha ha," I deadpanned. "You're hilarious."

Edward laughed and reached for my hand, stroking his thumb over it softly. "Bella, it's going to be fine. My parents are going to love you," he said encouragingly, tenderness lighting his emerald eyes.

With a last gentle squeeze of my hand, he turned away to start the car. I stared at him for a moment, surprised that even as a human he had the ability to dazzle me.

"It's so unfair…" I murmured to myself.

"What's unfair?" Edward asked.

"Nothing," I said, reddening yet again. "Just talking to myself."

We made it to Edward's house before his parents arrived, most likely due to Edward's fondness for fast driving. Of course, fast in Edward's car was around forty miles an hour… and since I'd ridden with him at near super-sonic speeds in his Volvo, it was nothing to me.

Edward enjoyed it immensely, though. He had taken the top down and the wind ruffled his glorious hair, the sun tinting it with gold and copper highlights. His elbow rested on the door, his hand hanging loosely, and a wide grin split his face as he passed a slower driver easily.

He was just so damn cute he made my heart ache.

A quiet sigh escaped my lips as we parked in front of Edward's house. He turned to me with a curious look, and I suddenly realized I had been staring at him dreamily. I looked away quickly, embarrassed at being caught.

To his credit, Edward didn't say anything about it. He just got out of the car, circling the hood to open my door and help me out. His hand rested lightly on the small of my back as we made our way up the front walk.

"We should probably sit out here until my parents get here," he said quietly, motioning toward the table and chairs where I had sat with his mother drinking lemonade the first time we met. I hadn't noticed it before, but a large swing hung on the other side of the porch.

"Could we sit there instead?" I asked, pointing to the swing.

He nodded and we sat chatting and laughing on the porch swing. Edward was relaxed, his arm resting along the back of the swing, his body turned slightly toward me. I curled one leg under myself, using the other to push the swing every now and then. The warm breeze blew the scent of Edward's cologne through the air, and I inhaled deeply.

It was perfect.

Then his parents arrived.

They pulled up in a large black car, parking behind Edward. We stood as they made their way to the front porch… and I felt the nerves kick in yet again.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Mrs. Masen apologized. "We were stopped by the Bowlings and Muriel just wanted to talk and talk." She rolled her eyes, waving a hand in the air. "Come on, let's go inside. Dinner's in the oven and should be ready any minute… let's hope it's not burnt to a crisp!"

It wasn't. We shared a beautiful meal of roast leg of lamb with mint jelly, roasted potatoes, baby peas and carrots, an asparagus gratin, flaky biscuits, and a molded gelatin salad with bits of apple and grapes. I studied Mr. Masen surreptitiously, searching for pieces of Edward in him. His dark hair and eyes proved Edward's coloring came from his mother, but his height and the sharp cut of his jawline were both from dear old dad. At one point, he and Edward shared a joke and I gasped when I saw Edward's crooked grin on his father's face. All eyes turned to me at my quiet exclamation, and I scrambled for a way to divert the attention.

"This is delicious, Mrs. Masen," I said finally, after swallowing a tender piece of lamb.

"Thank you, Bella, but I'm afraid I can't take all the credit," she demurred. "Marie is the real talent around here."

"Marie?"

"Our cook," Edward explained.

"She's spending Easter with her family, but Marie started everything this morning, and just left me instructions on how to finish it all," Mrs. Masen added. "She would kill me if I destroyed all her hard work."

"So, Bella," Mr. Masen interjected, setting his fork and knife on his plate with a clink. "Edward tells us you're working at County General Hospital?"

I wiped my mouth nervously. "Yes. I'm working with a doctor there, assisting him with his influenza research."

"And you work at night, is that right?" he asked. At my nod he continued, "Isn't that a bit strange?"

I took a sip of my water to soothe my dry mouth. "Well, the doctor I work with works the night shift. Because there are fewer patients that need his attention at night, he is able to spend more time on his research."

"This doctor… is he married?" he asked, his voice taking on the tone I'm sure he used with witnesses on the stand.

"Ummm… no…. no, he's not," I stammered.

"Aren't you worried about your reputation, working with an unmarried man… at all hours of the night?" he pushed.

"Dad," Edward jumped in, a warning tone in his voice.

Mrs. Masen tried to smooth things over. "I'm sure Bella is very careful about her reputation," she admonished her husband.

Yeah. This was going well.

"My reputation isn't in any danger," I said, forcing myself to speak calmly. "Dr. Cullen is the soul of propriety."

Edward harrumphed – not a word I'd ever imagined I'd use, but that's exactly what he did. Unfortunately, it was loud enough so his father could hear it, and he apparently took it as encouragement to continue.

"Still, it doesn't look quite right, does it?" he asked, stabbing his fork in the air to emphasize his point. "A young girl like you has to be careful or people will talk... and that talk in itself can be ruinous. Even if there is no impropriety, the appearance of such can be just as damaging."

I should have laughed it off. I should have agreed with him and promised that I would be extra-careful to protect my oh-so-important reputation.

But me being me, I just got ticked off.

I carefully set my fork down on my plate, ignoring Edward's warning look and Mrs. Masen's panicked one. "I have learned that appearances can be quite deceiving," I said brightly. "For example, appearances might lead one to believe that you are a judgmental and arrogant boor. Of course, we all know that's not true, don't we?"

With a low groan, Edward's head fell to his hands and Mrs. Masen's eyes flew to her husband in dread. The table was completely quiet for several long seconds as Mr. Masen and I locked gazes in challenge. I waited for him to erupt and throw me out of his house in a rage, my muscles instinctively clenching in preparation.

To my surprise, he didn't erupt. Instead, his dark eyes twinkled and his mouth lifted in that crooked grin.

"Good point, Miss Swan," he said on a laugh, before taking a big bite of his biscuit.

x-x

The rest of dinner was relatively peaceful as we avoided any controversial issues and spoke instead about Mr. Masen's law practice and Edward's school achievements. He had told me he was on his school's track team, but his parents were quick to inform me that he was one of the fastest runners in the state and would most likely qualify for the regional championships. Edward flushed under the praise, but I could tell he was pleased at his parents' pride in his accomplishments.

When we were finished eating, Mr. Masen excused himself to his study, saying he had some work to do for a little while. I helped Mrs. Masen clear the table, but she refused to let me help her wash the dishes.

"Bella, you're our guest," she insisted. "It's a beautiful afternoon. Why don't you and Edward go on into the sunroom and I'll let you know when dessert is ready, all right?" She turned to pop a delicious-looking berry cobbler into the oven and I followed Edward down a long hallway to the back of the house.

We emerged into a room of glass, overlooking the meticulous back yard. The gardens were just beginning to color, with daffodils, crocuses, and tulips in various colors nodding in the spring breeze. Beyond that, a vibrant lawn spanned the yard, broken only occasionally by maple trees and one or two fruit trees also beginning to bloom.

"It's so beautiful," I said quietly. "If I lived here I'd spend all my time in this room."

"I do." Edward chuckled. "Would you like to sit down?"

I looked at the comfortable chairs in front of me, but my attention was grabbed by a grand piano in the corner. I walked over, running my fingers over the glossy, black surface.

"Do you play?" he asked.

I laughed. "Me? No. Not at all." I looked up at him shyly. "Would you play me something?

Edward blushed. "Oh, I'm not very good," he said modestly.

Yeah. _Right._

"Oh, come on," I encouraged him. "Please?"

He made his way over to the piano reluctantly, sitting on the bench and flipping through some sheet music. "What would you like to hear?"

I sat down next to him excitedly. I loved to hear Edward play. "Oh anything!" I said, then a name on a piece of music caught my eye. "Wait! Is that Debussy?" I asked.

Edward pulled it out. "It's the third movement of _Suite bergamasque,_ " he explained. "It's called _Clair De Lune_."

"Oh, I want to hear that!" I exclaimed, recognizing the familiar piece.

Edward arranged the music on the piano. "I've been practicing it, but it's far from perfect," he warned.

"Edward, I'm sure it will be beautiful," I reassured him. "Just play it, please?"

He flexed his fingers a few times, breathing deeply before touching his fingers to the keys. I closed my eyes in anticipation, waiting for the music to sweep me away.

Finally he began to play, striking the keys tentatively at first, then more firmly as his confidence kicked in.

Edward was so wrong when he said he wasn't very good.

In fact… he was _terrible_.

My eyes flew open at the first sour note, and I tried not to cringe.

"Sorry," Edward said quietly, biting his lip and bending over the keys in concentration. He continued to pound out the melody, wincing and muttering "sorry" at every wrong note.

He winced and muttered a lot.

Finally… mercifully… the song came to an end and Edward straightened, turning to me with a sheepish look on his face. I arranged my features into what I hoped was an encouraging smile.

"I told you I wasn't very good." He shrugged apologetically.

"No!" I disagreed. "It was… great," I enthused. "I'm sure it will be amazing with just a little more practice."

 _Yeah. Like a hundred years or so_.

"Really?" he asked with a smile. "You think so?"

I nodded emphatically. "Absolutely. You should definitely stick with it."

"All right," he conceded, turning back toward the piano. "I'll keep practicing." He arranged the sheet music, and I realized he was going to play another song. Without thinking, I reached out to touch his arm.

"Maybe… that's enough for now," I said. "You don't want to practice too much."

He stared at me for a moment before his lips lifted in a smirk. "Yeah. We wouldn't want that," he chuckled.

"Bella? Edward? Dessert is ready." Edward's mother poked her head in the room. "That was lovely dear," she added to Edward. "I love it when you play."

"Well at least _someone_ does," Edward said under his breath, but his smile to me was genuine. We stood and walked laughing down the hall before sitting down to enjoy our berry cobbler and the rest of the afternoon.


	13. Of Scars and Sexual Frustration

_**"This time like all times is a very good one if we but know what to do w** _ _**ith it."** _

_**\- Ralph Waldo Emerson** _

**Chapter 12 – Of Scars and Sexual Frustration**

Overall, living in 1918 wasn't bad. I mean, they had running water and electricity. The food was good… and of course, there was Edward.

But there were things I really missed about the future. Technology, for one: laptops and Google and cell phones and iPods and music and DVDs and TV. God. TV.

I had no clue what was happening on _Lost_.

Did they ever get off that damned island?

And as I said, the food was good… but sometimes I just craved a Big Mac… and fries… Oh how I missed crispy, hot, greasy fries… and Diet Coke.

Sigh.

But on that second Monday of April, 1918, there was something I missed more than TV and fries and all of that other stuff combined. Well, two things actually.

Tampons and Midol.

Yeah.

When I awoke Monday morning to that telltale cramping informing me I had about twenty-four hours until my monthly visitor made her appearance, I panicked a bit. I had no clue what women used for that particular task in this time… and I wasn't exactly sure how to find out.

I could have asked Maggie or Liza, but how weird would that have been? An eighteen-year-old woman who didn't know how to handle her period? There was really no way to ask without raising some unanswerable questions.

I poked around in the bathroom cabinets, hoping I might find something there, but no. Nothing. It really didn't surprise me. I'd imagine these days such things were pretty taboo, and you didn't leave your supplies lying around in public.

A trip to the drugstore was unproductive as well. I roamed up and down the aisles, my eyes at first trained for pink and flowered packaging before I quickly re-thought that strategy. I scanned the shelves again, reading each label on every plain brown box and bag, but there was not a feminine product in sight. I wondered if the more sensitive items were kept behind the counter under the pharmacist's protective watch and briefly pondered asking for assistance. The balding, paunchy man had his suspicious, beady eyes focused on me though, with what appeared to be a permanent scowl etched on his face.

What? Did he think I was casing the joint to steal a box of rolling papers or a jar of hair pomade? I looked away and quickly decided I'd try something else… what, I wasn't quite sure. I returned home to take my afternoon nap, hoping my dreams would bring me answers this time instead of just more questions.

No such luck. Several hours later, I dressed for work and picked at my dinner, PMS making me irritable enough that everyone pretty much left me alone.

Edward had track practice every day after school, but still managed to make it to the boarding house in time to walk me to work. He arrived at the door freshly showered, his hair still damp, wearing a checked shirt and casual trousers. It was the first time I'd seen him without a tie, and the effect of seeing just that little V exposed by his open shirt collar was more stimulating than I'd expected. My condition temporarily forgotten, I blushed when I realized I'd been staring at his throat, turning quickly to grab my purse.

He took my hand as we strolled down the sidewalk in silence. He could have driven, of course, but the walk allowed us to spend a little time together at least. Unfortunately, I was soon distracted by my predicament… and by my cramps.

"Are you all right?" Edward finally asked, concern on his face as he looked down at my arm clutched across my stomach.

I forced my hand to my side quickly. "Oh… ummm… I'm fine," I mumbled. "My… stomach just hurts a little bit."

"Maybe you should stay home from work," he suggested.

"No… no… I'll be fine, really," I said. "I'll take some aspirin when I get to the hospital."

"Aspirin? For a stomach ache?"

I bit my lip. "Well, I have a headache too," I explained. "Don't worry, Edward, it's nothing serious."

His look was skeptical, but he said nothing more, and I forced myself to ignore my discomfort and enjoy my time with Edward. Easter Sunday had been encouraging. His parents really did seem to like me – even his father, which surprised me – and the afternoon was a lot of fun once I got over my initial nervousness. He'd driven me home shortly after sunset, and I had high hopes of a repeat performance of that hot kiss from the day of Samantha's birthday party.

I was sorely disappointed, however.

Yep, another peck on the cheek. My inner seductress scowled at me in disapproval. I was really letting her down, apparently.

I realized that things would take time to develop between Edward and me. Ironically, given my situation, the problem was that I was running _out_ of time. Every day, every hour, took me closer to the end of summer. I really had to get things moving if I had any hope of getting Edward to run away with me.

Geez. I sounded like a bad romance novel.

Edward, meanwhile, seemed to have reclaimed his gentlemanly ways. Hand-holding… cheek-brushing… chaste kissing… that was it. Not that I was complaining… well, not much anyway. It was all really wonderful. Edward made me feel special… treasured and respected. His touch made me tingle. His smile made me blush. Just being with him made my stomach turn somersaults. It was all the clichés about falling in love and it was amazing and… magical.

But I needed more. I needed to break his control and get at the horny teenager inside… and I was a little embarrassed to admit it wasn't only about saving him, at least not entirely.

I wanted him. I _really_ wanted him.

I was actually a little shocked at the intensity of my desire for Edward. Sure, he had always sparked that in me – ever since the first time we kissed all those months ago after our afternoon in the meadow. But somehow this was different. It was almost as if the fact that I knew it was now possible - that we could really be together completely - triggered a level of lust in me I found almost impossible to control.

Which is why, as we neared the hospital, I found myself wondering if it would be possible for me to sneak him into the storage room and jump his delicious bones.

God, I was a slut.

"I still have a few minutes. Would you like to come in and look around?" I asked him, putting aside my storage room fantasies. Well, _almost_ putting them aside.

Edward smiled. "I'd like that. Are you sure it's all right?" he asked, scratching at his throat.

Gah. Again with the throat. My mouth dried. Was it possible that PMS was making me even hornier?

I blinked, focusing on his words. "It's fine. I'll just show you around a little." I opened the door, pulling him inside. Nurse Patty was at the reception desk, so I introduced them.

"It's nice to meet you," Edward said, shaking Patty's hand. When he looked away, Patty raised her eyebrows at me and I knew there would be questions coming from her later on.

"Ummm…. I just thought I would give Edward a little tour, if that's okay," I told her.

"Of course," Patty replied, a knowing smile on her face. "Take your time."

I showed him through the various wards and examination rooms. Edward seemed really interested, asking questions and listening intently to my answers. It wasn't until we neared the stairs that I started to panic, realizing that the only place left to show him was Carlisle's office.

I spun around quickly. "So that's it, really." I grabbed his arm, planning to lead him back to the front door.

"Wait," he protested, his eyes flicking up the stairs. "What's up there?"

"Oh, not much," I said, waving a hand. "Just some offices. Nothing exciting."

Edward pulled his arm free, narrowing his eyes at me. "Is Dr. _Cullen's_ office up there?" he asked. He always emphasized Carlisle's last name as a not-to-subtle reminder of the day I accidentally used it on him.

I tried to keep my shoulders from falling in defeat. "Yes," I said quietly.

"Isn't that where you work most of the time?"

I sighed. "Yes."

"Well then," he said with a smile, taking my hand and tugging me toward the stairs. "I'd like to see it."

Defeated, I led him up the stairs and toward Carlisle's office. When I saw the door was closed, I brightened a bit. "Oh, the door's closed," I told him with fake disappointment. "Dr. Cullen must not be here. I really don't feel comfortable going inside when he's – " The door opened quickly, cutting off my words.

"Bella, I thought I heard your voice," Carlisle said cheerfully, leaning against the door frame. I shot him a glare and his smile widened. "…and…it's Edward, isn't it?" he asked, cocking his head toward my companion.

Edward gritted his teeth. "Yes. How nice to see you again," he said, leaving no doubt that he felt the opposite.

I rolled my eyes and decided to get through this awkward situation as quickly as possible. "I was just giving Edward a tour of the hospital," I told Carlisle, although I had a sneaking suspicion he'd been eavesdropping on me again and knew exactly what I was doing. "He wanted to see your office and laboratory, since that's where I spend most of my time."

"Of course," Carlisle replied, as he stepped back from the doorway with a flourish of his hand. "Feel free to look around." He sat down behind his desk and opened a file, pretending to be engrossed in its contents.

We entered the office and I cleared my throat nervously. "So… ummm… this is the office… obviously," I faltered. "Those are the filing cabinets, where I… file… and… um…" I heard Carlisle chuckle and glared at him again, but he didn't look up.

"And this is the laboratory?" Edward asked, moving over to examine the microscope. He picked up a test tube and Carlisle stood quickly.

"Please be careful with that," he said firmly, taking the test tube and placing it carefully back in the holder. "These are sensitive samples," he explained.

"Samples of what?" Edward examined the test tubes closely, but didn't touch them again.

"Various things I need for my research," Carlisle replied. "That particular one is a blood sample from an influenza patient."

"Blood?" Edward repeated distastefully. "That's disgusting."

I giggled. The absurdity of the situation just hit me all of the sudden and I giggled out loud. Carlisle turned to me with a smirk on his face. Edward looked a little more confused.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Disgusting, perhaps," Carlisle said, turning back to Edward with a small smile still lingering on his lips. "But it's necessary for my research. They are the only samples of the particular strain of influenza I'm studying."

"What is it exactly you're trying to discover?" Edward asked. Amazed at the non-hostile nature of the conversation, I moved to join them at the laboratory table, standing on the other side of Edward as Carlisle explained.

"I'm trying to determine how it spreads. How to treat it. How to prevent it," he said. "Influenza, as I'm sure you're aware, can be deadly and quite infectious. If we can learn more about it, it might be possible to save many lives."

Excited that they were getting along, I jumped in. "Carlisle, why don't you show Edward some of the slides?" I suggested, reaching across Edward for the box. To my surprise, Carlisle gasped, and faster than I could see it, reached out to grab my wrist, pushing Edward back slightly as he pulled me closer and bent over my hand.

"What do you think you are doing?" Edward protested gruffly, but Carlisle ignored him.

"What is that?" he asked in a shocked voice, still focused on my hand. My hand with a very distinctive crescent-shaped scar, that to most people, would be nothing out of the ordinary – but to a vampire, would be anything but.

I closed my eyes as my stomach plummeted. I had no idea how to explain the scar that James had left the day he attacked me in the ballet studio. I had almost forgotten about it, and didn't even think to try and hide it from Carlisle's super-human gaze.

"I think you should let go of Bella… now," Edward said firmly, reaching out to pull my wrist from Carlisle's grasp.

Carlisle blinked dazed eyes for a moment, then released my hand like it burned him. "Of course," he said quietly, but he wouldn't meet my gaze. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

Edward looked down at my hand. "It's just a scar. You can barely even see it," he murmured, rubbing his thumb over the pale crescent. "That's odd, it kind of feels cold," he said, almost to himself. "It looks almost like a… bite?" His eyes met mine questioningly. I felt, rather than saw, Carlisle look up to examine my face as I quickly fabricated a lie.

"It was," I said, shrugging. "A boy in school bit me when I was little. It hurt like crazy and my parents were furious." I swallowed deeply, guilt churning in my stomach at the falsehood. "It's fine now, though. It doesn't hurt a bit. I usually forget it's even there."

Edward brushed his fingers over the scar once more before taking my hand in his. "It's hardly noticeable," he assured me, before turning critical eyes on Carlisle. "I don't know why anyone would even point it out," he said sharply.

Now it was Carlisle's turn to squirm. "Again, I apologize, Bella," he said contritely. "It just… caught the light from the lamp, otherwise I'm sure I wouldn't have noticed it at all."

Yeah. _Right_. I knew he wasn't going to let me off that easily. Once Edward was gone, the interrogation would begin.

Stupid vampires and their stupid superior senses.

"Bella, perhaps you should show Edward out," Carlisle suggested finally. "I received some new samples today, and I'd like to get to work."

"Oh, of course," I mumbled, pulling Edward from the office. I didn't miss the pointed look Carlisle gave me before I got out the door.

 _Crap_.

"I can't believe he touched you like that," Edward fumed quietly as we walked down the stairs. "It was completely uncalled for and unprofessional."

"Edward, it was just a mistake, that's all," I said in a lame attempt to calm him.

"Bella, I'm telling you, that man has designs on you," he hissed.

"Designs?" I smirked.

"Don't laugh at this," he continued, "and don't make light of it. It's… shocking really. You're only eighteen and he's so… _old_."

I choked on a laugh. If he only knew.

"Dr. Cullen isn't that old," I said instead, as we neared the front door. "And I can't keep having this conversation with you, Edward." We walked through the door and I turned to face him. "There is nothing improper going on with Dr. Cullen, and there never will be," I said firmly. "All right?"

He looked away, his jaw clenched stubbornly, and ran his fingers through his hair.

"All right?" I repeated, placing my hand on his cheek and forcing him to look at me.

His lips lifted slightly on one side and he nodded. "All right," he agreed, leaning forward to kiss me gently on the cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow," he promised, before turning to walk down the street.

I sighed.

Yet another kiss on the cheek that did nothing to calm my ever-growing lust for Edward.

Carlisle was waiting in his office to pepper me with questions I didn't want to answer.

And on top of all of that, I still had no idea what to do about my period.

Fuck. My. Life.

x-x

My salvation – at least in part - came in a form that should have been blatantly obvious. Carlisle was called in to emergency surgery, putting off our sure to be uncomfortable conversation, and I was in his office filing when it hit me. The hospital had a maternity ward, for god's sake, so there had to be menstrual supplies that they used for patients. With a hopeful smile on my face I made my way to the storage room and scanned the shelves quickly. I was happier than I ever thought possible to find a box labeled "Sanitary Pads and Belts" on the bottom shelf. Releasing a sigh of relief I opened the box and scanned the contents.

Of course, I couldn't just take some, so I set out to find Nurse Patty on the ward floor. Pulling her into the hallway, I quietly explained my predicament, telling her I'd been taken by surprise and unprepared.

She smiled comfortingly. "Oh, just take what you need, Bella. All the ladies do it," she confided. "It's much easier, and as long as you tell me what you take so I can keep track of the inventory and deduct the cost from your pay, the hospital allows it."

Relieved, I took a week's supply from the box, then went into the ladies' room to figure out how to put one on. I examined the elastic belt doubtfully, then slipped it around my waist. A safety pin dangled from a string in the front and back of the belt and I determined that was how you attached the pad. Of course, pinning the one in back was a little more difficult. Sighing, I took the stupid belt off again, pinned the pad in place and put it back on, looking down in disgust.

Great. I looked like a freakin' Sumo wrestler.

I wondered how rich I could get if I invented the tampon. I sighed, realizing quickly it was probably not the noblest use of my future-knowledge. Although I was sure women around the world would disagree. Just saying.

Oh! Then I could invent Ibuprofen. And blow dryers. And Spanx.

Sighing, I got dressed, putting aside my dreams of wealth and modern conveniences and heading out of the bathroom and back to Carlisle's office.

Unfortunately, I knew there was no avoiding Carlisle forever. I finally gave in to the inevitable and waited for him in his office while I worked diligently, organizing files and straightening the laboratory.

Okay, I worked semi-diligently.

Okay, I _pretended_ to work and bit my fingernails, worried about what I would say to him.

Basically, I had three choices. I could lie - tell him I was attacked in my sleep or something and couldn't remember a thing. Unfortunately, I was a terrible liar, and Carlisle, as insightful as he was, was bound to see right through me. I could tell him the truth, but I didn't see a way to do that without telling him about Edward. I couldn't… or rather _wouldn't_ … do that.

The reason was simple. I could say it was out of some selfless desire to protect Carlisle from too much knowledge about the future… knowledge that could inadvertently change his path and potentially ruin his life. I didn't know how, but I knew it was possible.

Butterfly effect, remember? Even making changes that didn't seem like a big deal could have disastrous effects on the future. It was true that I did want to protect Carlisle from that.

But there was an even bigger reason for hiding my Edward plan from Carlisle.

He could stop me.

I was ninety-nine percent sure he wouldn't. I was ninety-nine percent sure that Carlisle would understand my situation and the rationalizations for my plan to save Edward. I was ninety-nine percent certain that he would see my actions as saving a life, so he would have to support it.

But there was that one percent.

That one percent whispered in my ear that Carlisle would want Edward for himself… that Edward belonged with him and the rest of the Cullens… and that I was playing God by trying to change history… change destiny.

I knew that if Carlisle decided to take Edward from me, he would succeed. I wouldn't be able to stop him.

So even though I wanted to tell Carlisle everything and I knew in my heart he would most likely help me, I gave in to that one percent.

I just couldn't risk it.

That left me with my one final option – to tell him the truth, but as little of it as possible… and hope that would be enough.

When Carlisle returned, he said nothing at first. He didn't even look at me. He just walked around the far side of his desk and sat in his chair, leaning forward onto his elbows and resting his chin on his tented hands.

I sat down across from him, quietly waiting for the questioning to begin, but it didn't.

"Carlisle…" I began.

He started, as if just realizing I was in the room, then sighed heavily.

"Bella, I've been trying to make sense of this, but I just can't," he murmured quietly, his eyes falling to my scar. I quickly covered it with my other hand, shifting uncomfortably.

"I don't know what to tell you," I admitted slowly.

"I know what that is," Carlisle said, his gaze still focused on my hands. "What I don't understand is how it happened… and how you… survived." He looked up at me, a frown of confusion on his face.

I looked away. "I've heard that when a person is bitten by a rattlesnake, you can suck the poison out." I felt his eyes on me, but didn't face him. "If you're quick enough you can save their life that way, right?" I spoke as if I was just sharing an interesting fact, something I'd read in the newspaper or heard from a friend. Eventually, I turned to meet his steady gaze.

"Yes," he said finally.

I said nothing else. I just shrugged and looked down, running my fingers over my scar.

"Who did it?" he asked. I didn't know if he was asking who had bitten me, or who had saved me, but it didn't matter. Either answer would lead back to Edward, so I said the only thing I could.

"I can't tell you, Carlisle." Frustrated, he wiped his hands down his face tiredly as I continued. "I really wish I could answer all of your questions, but I just… can't. I'm asking you not to ask. I'm asking you to trust me… and I'm asking you _not_ to ask."

Maybe it was because Carlisle knew all about secrets… about hiding who and what you were… about the difference between admitting you couldn't tell the truth and deciding to tell a lie… but as his amber eyes locked on mine, I saw the moment when he decided to trust me.

He just nodded, a small smile lifting his lips.

And he didn't ask.

x-x

Over the next few days, Carlisle and I fell back into our easy camaraderie, the tension seemingly forgotten. I did catch him staring at my hand once with a perplexed and worried look on his face, but when he noticed me watching him, he just smiled and turned back to his work. We talked a lot about the upcoming suffrage march, and Carlisle was surprisingly knowledgeable on the subject.

Well, maybe it wasn't that surprising after all. Carlisle was pretty knowledgeable about most things. Guess that was what came from being two hundred years old and never having to sleep.

"Several states have approved suffrage legislation, at least to a certain extent," he told me. "Illinois was one of the first. However, there is still a long way to go before women have true equal representation at the polls. A constitutional amendment is the only thing that will assure that nationwide."

"It will happen," I said confidently.

Carlisle shrugged. "Perhaps, but I think it will take some time. President Wilson has announced his support and the House approved the amendment in January, but the Senate won't even debate the issue until October… and with the election coming up… there's no way of predicting what will happen."

"That's why Eleanor said the march is so important," I replied. "A lot of suffrage groups have been backing down a bit because of the war, but this time is critical. We can't let the pressure off our senators if the amendment is going to be approved."

It was nice to be able to discuss those issues with Carlisle, because Edward was less than enthusiastic about the whole suffrage issue. He had come around a bit, finally agreeing that all women should be allowed to vote. However, he did not believe an amendment was necessary or prudent. And he was still very concerned about my trip to Springfield.

"If things start to get violent, I want you to promise me you'll get as far away as possible," Edward urged me as he walked me to work on Wednesday evening. I fought the desire to roll my eyes and tried to reassure him instead.

"I promise," I said solemnly. "I will be careful."

He laughed sardonically. "That's what you say now, but I've seen that temper of yours. You'll be the first one to jump into the midst of the fray."

I giggled. "I swear, Edward. No fraying."

His lips quirked and I nudged him with my elbow. He smiled as we neared the hospital entrance and turned to me.

"No fraying." He grinned, leaning forward to kiss me on the cheek. Again.

I sighed as he ran his fingers down my cheek. "I just worry about you," he murmured.

"I know."

"I'll see you tomorrow." He kissed my forehead this time. "Have a good night."

I walked through the door and closed my eyes as I leaned back against the wall, my head thumping on it lightly.

"Bella? Are you all right?" I opened my eyes to see Nurse Patty watching me from the reception desk.

_Sure. Just sexually frustrated and needing a big dose of Edward-loving._

"I'm fine." I sighed again, heading up the stairs to Carlisle's office to get to work.

x-x

I answered the door Thursday evening to find a harried-looking Edward on the other side. His shirt was untucked and the buttons misaligned, his hair standing wildly on end and his forehead damp with perspiration. Actually, as I took in his appearance, I noticed he was hot and sweaty… all over.

God. Was he trying to kill me?

"Is everything all right?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly because of my dry mouth.

Edward nodded, slightly out of breath, and ran his fingers through his damp hair.

"Practice went later than usual," he explained. "Our coach wanted to make sure we're ready for the meet this weekend. I'm sorry. I didn't even have time to shower, but I didn't want to miss seeing you before you left."

His collar was twisted, tucked in on one side, and I reached up to straighten it without thinking. My fingers tingled, touching the moist skin on his neck.

When did I develop a sweat fetish?

"I'm glad you made it," I said, trying to focus on his eyes, rather than his body. I added softly, "I'm going to miss you this weekend."

He reddened, but a grin spread across his face. "I'm going to miss you too."

I gathered my things and we started down the front steps. I noticed a clicking sound coming from Edward's feet.

He shrugged. "I didn't have time to change out of my running spikes," he said sheepishly. "I just threw on my clothes as fast as I could."

I giggled as we clicked down the sidewalk, but the laughter died in my throat when Edward stretched languidly and his shirt rode up, revealing a sliver of muscled abdomen.

Sweaty… muscled… _Edward_ abdomen.

God in heaven.

"I'd like to see one of your meets sometime," I said, my eyes still on his stomach, even though he had lowered his arms and it was now covered.

"Really?" He smiled, obviously pleased at this idea.

Sweaty Edward? Running? In _shorts_? Yes, please!

"…maybe next weekend." He had said something, but I completely missed it.

"What?" I asked, distracted.

"I have a home meet, next weekend," he repeated. "Maybe you can come to that one."

"Oh, yeah… that would be great," I agreed, still feeling warm and kind of tingly at the thought of Edward in shorts.

He seemed oblivious to his effect on me however, because he continued talking, telling me about his upcoming meet in Elgin.

"Art DeMert broke his arm, so he'll be unable to compete this weekend," he said. "He's our best at high jump and pole vault, so I may end up in those events as well as my usual ones."

Great. Now I had this picture in my mind of Edward, running – in slow motion, of course – a long pole bouncing in his hands. He placed the end of the pole, launching him up and over the bar. Muscles rippled as he threw his legs up, landing on his back on the thick pad on the other side. Suddenly, I was on top of him as we sank into the pad's pillowy softness. I ran my hand up under his sweaty tank top, licking the cords of his neck…

"Bella?" Edward interrupted my musings. "Are you all right? You look a little flushed."

Yeah. Seriously flushed. My skin flamed and my thighs were still tense from the vivid images. I couldn't take it any more. Edward had me so wound up that just about anything set me to fantasizing, as horny as a teenage boy.

A teenage boy like him, who seemed to be just fine with our rather innocent level of interaction.

What was up with that, anyway?

The boy was the one who was supposed to be always trying to get into the girl's pants. They were the ones who were supposed to be horny, sex-crazed maniacs.

So why was I the only one who seemed to be suffering here?

"I'm fine," I said quietly, glancing sideways at Edward. He whistled lightly through his teeth, his hands in his pockets. Totally relaxed and at ease.

And all I could think about was sticking my tongue down his throat.

Seriously. It was all that I thought about… and it was starting to tick me off.

My inner seductress was tapping her foot and pointing to her watch. Okay, it was time to make a move.

"Edward," I said, stopping about a block from the hospital to face him. "Why won't you touch me?"

I looked up to meet his wide eyes. He looked around uncomfortably. "What do you mean? I touch you all the time."

_That's right. Play innocent. You know exactly what I'm talking about._

"You hold my hand. You kiss me on the cheek," I clarified, adding quickly, "not that there's anything wrong with that. It's really nice." I took a step closer to him, lifting a hand to trail my fingers down his chest. Edward froze, his eyes darkening perceptibly before he blinked twice and grabbed my wrist.

"Bella, what are you doing? We're in the middle of the street," he reprimanded me in a hushed tone.

I tore my hand from his and stalked away a few steps before turning and walking back to him. Edward was flushed and slouched, his hands jammed in his pockets again. He wouldn't meet my eyes, so I waited patiently until he finally looked up to me.

"Edward," I said abruptly. "I just don't get it. After Samantha's party…"

"That was a mistake," he interrupted, his eyes falling as his face reddened further. "I told you I was sorry about that," he muttered.

"And I told you," I began, throwing my hands in the air, "that there was nothing to be sorry for."

Edward scanned the street quickly, then grabbed my arm and pulled me into a shadowed doorway. "Do we really have to discuss this now?" he asked.

"I think this is the perfect time to discuss it," I said irritably. "Don't you _want_ to kiss me?"

Edward ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "Bella…"

"It's a simple question, Edward. Do you or do you not want to kiss me?"

"Of course I want to kiss you!" He hissed loudly, looming over me. "But what happened the other day. It wasn't right. I took advantage of you and it wasn't right." He looked imploringly into my eyes. "I'm trying to treat you properly. I'm trying to be respectful."

Okay. It was now or never. I grabbed hold of my guts and lifted a hand to the back of his neck, stroking his damp hair gently.

"Maybe I don't want to be so respected," I murmured, licking my lips and leaning toward him.

"Bella," Edward said in quiet warning, but he didn't pull away. "I don't think this is such a good idea."

"It's a great idea," I whispered before pressing my lips gently to his. I pulled back slightly, but he lifted his hands tentatively to my waist and lowered his head to kiss me again. His thumbs circled softly on my hips and I wrapped my arms around his neck as he brushed my lips tentatively.

And all the pent up sweaty-fantasy induced sexual frustration I had been dealing with for the past week kicked in, and I lost it entirely. I locked my fingers into his hair, pulling his head toward me as I pushed him back against the wall, practically climbing on top of him.

It took a moment for me to realize he had frozen in shock. He reached up to pull my hands from around his neck and gently pressed them to my sides as I breathed heavily. Of course, once my brain caught up, I was mortified.

I stepped back against the wall on the other side of the doorway. "I'm so sorry," I muttered, blushing hotly. "I don't know what came over me… I should go."

But as I turned to leave, Edward grabbed my hand and tugged me toward him. "Bella," he said quietly, but I wouldn't look at him. I was too embarrassed. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Bella," he repeated and I finally met his soft gaze. "It's not that I don't… want… that," he explained, his cheeks pinkening slightly. "It's just that I don't want to treat you disrespectfully and…" he broke off, looking away and rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.

"And…?" I prompted.

His gaze met mine briefly before dropping to his feet. "And," he continued, scraping his spikes on the sidewalk. "If I'm not careful with you… very careful… I'm afraid I'll lose… control." His eyes flicked up briefly and he shrugged. "I just… like you a lot, Bella. More than you realize… and I don't want to ruin everything."

God, he was so sweet. I forgot sometimes that he was only sixteen… and just as confused and insecure as I was.

"Edward, you're not going to ruin anything," I assured him, lacing my fingers with his. "I like you a lot, too… more than _you_ realize," I added, looking down at our joined hands.

Edward reached up to stroke my cheek, lifting my face to his tentatively. He leaned in, hovering over my lips for a moment, his warm breath wafting over me. Finally, he kissed me softly. "You should probably get to work," he said before kissing me one more time.

I nodded, breathless and dazed. "Okay… yeah… I probably should," I stammered, stumbling slightly as I moved out of the doorway.

"Are you all right?" Edward chuckled.

I looked back at him, my eyes narrowed. "I'm fine."

He smiled as he fell into step next to me. "Where will you be staying in Springfield?" he asked.

"Ummm…" I searched my memory for the name Eleanor gave me. "The Leland Hotel," I told him. "Eleanor has a suite there." His jaw tightened at the mention of Eleanor, but he didn't say anything further.

"Well," he said hesitantly as I turned to say goodbye. "I was thinking that maybe I could… come for you at the train station on Sunday?"

I smiled at him. "That would be really nice," I replied, and his sparkling eyes crinkled with his responding grin. "But I don't know when we're getting back," I added. "I'll have to find out from Eleanor."

He scratched behind his ear absently, drawing my attention to the sharp line of his jaw and the light scruff darkening it. I really was out of control.

"Perhaps I could… telephone you… at the hotel?" he suggested with a nervous lift of his shoulder. "I could call Saturday evening after the march. You could let me know then."

I straightened his collar again. "That sounds perfect," I said. "I'll talk to you Saturday."

"All right." His eyes flitted to my parted lips and he leaned in slightly, brushing his thumb over my cheek. At that moment, a young family burst out of the hospital door, two boys running out and pushing each other as their mother reached out to grab their arms. Edward straightened immediately, his hand falling back to his side. Then, he caught sight of something inside the hospital before the door closed and his eyes darkened. He leaned down and kissed me swiftly on the lips, catching the door to hold it open for me.

"Good night," he said with what I thought was determination coloring his tone, before his gaze quickly shot up over my shoulder again. "I'll talk to you Saturday."

He turned to leave and, confused, I leaned for a moment against the open door before I remembered to call out, "Good luck at your meet!" He spun around with a grin, waving as he walked backwards a few steps, his feet clicking loudly. I chuckled and turned to walk into the hospital, surprised to see Carlisle watching me from the reception desk.

He quickly became absorbed with a file in his hands, and I realized what had led to Edward's rather possessive kiss. I couldn't decide if I should feel annoyed at that little display or encouraged.

"Good evening, Bella," Carlisle said, not looking up from his file. Nurse Patty was at the desk as well, so I didn't feel I could call Carlisle out for eavesdropping again, even though I was sure he had been.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen… Patty," I replied instead. "How is everything tonight?"

"Quiet," Patty answered. "Which means you'll have plenty of time to tell me about that young man of yours." She grinned, walking over to lean against the desk toward me. "He is very handsome, isn't he?"

Carlisle cleared his throat. "I hardly think that is a conversation for the waiting room, ladies," he chided, still focused on the file as he turned a page.

Patty and I both glanced around the empty waiting room and exchanged confused shrugs.

"Okay," I said, rolling my eyes at Patty, who only smiled sympathetically. "I guess I'll get to work."

"We'll talk later," Patty said conspiratorially and Carlisle snapped his folder shut, making her jump.

"We'll be in my office," he told her shortly, before turning to walk with me through the ward and toward the stairs.

"Carlisle, is there anything wrong?" I asked hesitantly.

"Wrong?" he repeated, his eyes forward. "No, of course not. Why would anything be wrong?"

"I couldn't imagine," I said sarcastically. "Obviously, I'm way off base."

"Off base?" He turned to me curiously as we topped the stairs.

"You know… like in baseball?" I explained, annoyed that he was getting me off the topic. "Off the mark… mistaken…"

The only reply I got was an "Ah" as we walked down the hall and into his office. He walked around to his desk, slapping the file on the surface, then turning to stalk to his laboratory table. He shuffled some containers around before returning to his desk.

 _Yeah. Nothing's wrong. Right_.

"Carlisle?" I interrupted his silent ranting. "Are you going to tell me what's the matter, or are you just going to stomp around the room all night?"

He sighed, sitting in his chair. "I'm trying to determine how to say what I have to say without insulting you, or upsetting you," he said finally.

I sat down across from him. "Just say it."

He leaned forward, his arms on his desk. "I'm… concerned about you… and Edward," he said, not meeting my eyes.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "What are you concerned about?" I asked defensively.

Carlisle became very interested in a speck of dirt on the desk blotter. "I just want to make sure that he's treating you appropriately… respectfully," he said. "I couldn't help but notice his rather aggressive advances."

"You mean you saw him kiss me."

"Yes."

Part of me wanted to tell Carlisle to mind his own damned business, to quit spying on me and butt out - but I knew he was just looking out for me. Both Edward and his father had made it painfully clear that in this time a woman's reputation was to be guarded carefully. Evidently, that was one thing that he and Carlisle agreed on.

I purposely uncrossed my arms, resting my elbow on the chair arm and leaning my head on my fist. "I appreciate your concern, Carlisle, but there's nothing to worry about. Edward has been a perfect gentleman."

"That's not what it looked like to me," he disagreed, a frown on his face. Then, he looked away abruptly. "You need to be careful, Bella. If you tempt a boy like Edward, there's no telling what kind of unseemly things could happen."

I _knew_ he'd been listening. I was furious at first… but it quickly turned to humiliation when I realized he'd heard me throwing myself at Edward. I could feel my cheeks redden as I replied shortly, "Nothing _unseemly_ is going on, Carlisle. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from listening in on my private conversations."

To his credit, Carlisle appeared embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Bella. I just don't… trust that boy," he said.

"Well you can trust me," I countered. "I know what I'm doing."

At least I hoped I knew what I was doing. My doubt must have shown on my face, because Carlisle eyed me carefully.

"Bella," he said slowly. "You may think you have everything under control. But if there's one thing _I_ know, it's teenage boys… and believe me, most of them are only after one thing."

I looked away, unable to meet his eyes because I was worried he'd see the truth in them.

The fact that I was hoping he was right.


	14. Of Suffrage and Seduction

  


  


_Eleanor's Rail Car, Thanks to CullenCousin_

 

" _ **Time is what keeps the light from reaching us. There is no greater obstacle to God than time: and not only time but temporalities, not only temporal things but temporal affections, not only temporal affections but the very taint and smell of time."**_

_**\- Meister Eckhart** _

**Chapter 13 – Of Suffrage and Seduction**

I didn't have time to sleep after I got off work Friday morning. I got back to the boarding house just in time to pack a few things before Eleanor's car arrived. Her driver carried my bag, tossing it into the storage compartment in the back of the car as I got in and sat next to Eleanor.

"Lord, honey, you look tired," Eleanor observed as I took my seat.

"Thanks," I said dryly. "You look nice too."

She laughed. "Well, the good news is you can sleep on the train. The ride will be long, but I have a very comfortable car."

Eleanor was understating things a bit. Her train car was luxurious, even by modern-day standards. The gleaming hardwood floors were covered with plush Persian rugs and a few potted plants spaced along the walls. One end of the car was set up as a sitting area, with a tufted, gold velvet sofa and matching chairs. The far end served as a bedroom, and my weary eyes focused on the large, four-poster bed fitted with crisp white linens, an impressive pile of pillows, and an intricately-pieced quilt in muted golds and greens. A folding screen leaned against the wall, apparently intended to separate the two areas for privacy.

A porter set our bags in a large armoire near the front of the car. I took off my hat and coat, hanging them on a couple of hooks near the door, before collapsing into one of the chairs in a heap.

"Can I bring you anything else before we depart?" the porter asked Eleanor as he stood by the open door.

"I think we could use a little something to eat," she told him, adding after a glance at me, "and perhaps you could bring us some sherry?"

"Of course, ma'am," he said with a slight bow, pulling the door shut behind as he left.

Eleanor sat down on the sofa across from me. "Are you sure you don't want to lie down?" she asked, a worried look on her face. "You look like you're about to drop."

"I'm tired, but I'm too wired to sleep right now," I replied. "I've never ridden on a train before… except the 'L'."

"Really?" Eleanor seemed surprised. "How did you get to Chicago from Washington?"

Oh yeah. That's right.

_I time-traveled… it's the only way to fly._

"Oh… of course… there was that." I rubbed my forehead. "I'm so tired I guess I'm not thinking right. But I've never ridden in a car like _this_. It's amazing!"

Eleanor looked around fondly. "Well, being rich does have its advantages. I don't travel a lot, but when I do I like to be comfortable."

The train lurched a bit and slowly pulled out of the station. I turned to watch the scenery roll by, gradually picking up speed. A few minutes after we departed the station, the porter arrived at the door, pushing a small cart carrying several covered trays.

He set the trays on the coffee table and my stomach rumbled loudly. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I saw the delicious spread of finger sandwiches, fruits and vegetables, cheese and crackers, and little frosted cookies.

We ate in companionable silence for the most part, and Eleanor offered me a small glass of sherry.

"I know it's early," she confided, "but you seem tense. It's just to calm your nerves." I really wasn't that nervous, but the sherry was sweet and cold and it spread warmth through my stomach, relaxing my body.

I stared at the passing scenery as buildings gave way to farmland and didn't even realize my eyes were drooping until Eleanor said my name loudly, obviously repeating it for at least the second time.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?" I asked, fighting a yawn.

"You're about to fall asleep in that chair." Eleanor chuckled. "Go back and lie down in the bed, honey. I'll wake you when we get close to Springfield."

Too exhausted to argue, I stumbled back to the inviting bed, vaguely noticing that someone had set up the dividing screen. I pulled off my shoes and took off my dress, draping it over the foot of the bed before collapsing into its downy softness. I was asleep within minutes.

x-x

"Bella?" I groaned and stretched languidly. "Bella? We're almost there."

I opened my eyes to see Eleanor standing over me.

"Okay. Thank you," I croaked.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked.

"Very." I stretched again. I really had slept heavily, with no frightening dreams that I could recall. Eleanor moved back out to the sitting room and I dressed quickly, splashing a little water on my face from a pitcher on a low dresser. I straightened the bed and joined Eleanor in the front of the car just as the train began to slow.

Eleanor had a car and driver waiting, so the porter loaded our bags into the back as we took our seats. The drive to the hotel was quick, and I looked out the window to get my first look at Illinois' capitol. It was a lot like Chicago, from what I could see, with its paved streets, quaint shops, overhead electrical lines and busy sidewalks. In the distance, I could see the dome of what I assumed was the capitol building.

  


  


_Illinois State Capitol Building, Springfield_

 

"It's the tallest in the country, "Eleanor pointed out, "even taller than the U.S. Capitol in Washington D.C. They say the old Secretary of State, Henry Dement used to hunt pigeons from the roof with a shotgun."

I laughed and we turned a corner, pulling to a stop in front of a large brick building with green awnings over the doors and windows. The driver grabbed our bags, following us into the hotel entrance. He handed the bags to a uniformed bellhop who set them on a brass luggage cart.

      

          _The Leland Hotel                                       The Leland Hotel Lobby                                           Gentlemen's Grill Room_

 

The Leland Hotel was… grand, I suppose you'd say. Polished wooden columns interspersed with potted palms dotted the carpeted lobby. Comfortable leather chairs sat in clusters in the spacious room - some occupied by distinguished-looking gentlemen or obviously well-bred ladies. I noticed with curiosity a set of double doors to the right with a brass placard reading "Gentlemen's Grill Room." The doors pushed open as two portly men emerged, bringing with them a cloud of sweet pipe smoke. Before the doors closed I took in an English-style pub with lots of wood paneling, dark wood floors, and sturdy tables – all occupied by men, of course.

I wondered where a girl could get a beer around here.

The reception desk was on the far end of the lobby, so Eleanor and I made our way there to check in. The bellhop led us to an old-fashioned – although it was actually new – elevator and I nervously stepped inside, holding tightly to a rail on the side of the car as the attendant closed the gate and turned a large wheel. The elevator shuddered and began to ascend, and I clenched my eyes tightly.

"Are you all right?" Eleanor asked with laughter in her voice.

"Fine," I said through gritted teeth, not willing to open my eyes. "Are we there yet?"

The elevator finally, blessedly, came to a stop and we followed the bellhop down a carpeted hallway to a door at the end. The suite was beautiful – all warm colors and gleaming surfaces - with a large sitting room overlooking downtown Springfield, the Capitol Dome surprisingly close. The sitting room was flanked by two luxurious bedrooms, each with its own bathroom. My nap on the train had refreshed me, and I wasn't even that tired, although I was dying for a shower.

Eleanor joined me at the window after the bellhop left, pointing out the route of the march the next day.

"We'll start there, at the Lincoln Home," she said, pointing out a rooftop a few blocks away, "then down Capitol Avenue to the capitol steps." I nodded, but was distracted. I was dying to grill Eleanor about her relationship with Carlisle, but unsure of how to broach the topic.

"So, Eleanor," I began, figuring the direct approach was probably best. "I found out I'm working for a friend of yours at the hospital."

"Really?" she asked, still looking out the window.

"Yes." I turned toward her, wanting to gauge her reaction. "Dr. Carlisle Cullen?"

Eleanor didn't seem embarrassed or shocked. Instead, she turned to me with a wide smile. "You work with Carlisle? You never mentioned it!"

"It never came up," I replied. "But when I told him I was going on this trip with you, he mentioned you were… friends." I emphasized the last word and was rewarded with a slight pinkening of Eleanor's cheeks.

"Well, yes," she admitted. "Carlisle and I were involved for a time after Pierre went back to France."

"How… involved?" I asked, hoping she wouldn't get mad at my prying.

Instead, she giggled a little. "Oh, involved enough," she said. "We were both lonely, I think. We had a lot in common and were able to help each other through a difficult time."

I felt like a perv prodding for details, but my curiosity was killing me. Still, I didn't think I could just ask her how he was in bed. Instead, I tried for subtlety. "He's a very nice man," I commented.

"Oh yes, very nice," she murmured, running her fingers along her necklace, seemingly lost in memories. "Very…. considerate."

 _Holy cow_.

"Cold hands, though," she added, shooting me a grin. "Cold everything, actually."

A laugh burst from my lips. "Really?" I choked.

"Yes. He has some kind of blood circulation problem," she explained. "Nothing dangerous, but it makes his muscles tense and hard… and he's always cold."

I bit my lip to keep from smiling. _Carlisle, you horny little liar!_

"Still, he was very good at keeping _me_ warm," she said with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"Eleanor!" I couldn't keep the laugh down this time. "You're shameful!"

"Oh, Bella, you need to relax a little and enjoy life," Eleanor said. "And some men are… extremely enjoyable." She chuckled, turning toward her bedroom. "I think I'll take a bath, then maybe we can go and have an early dinner? We have a busy day tomorrow."

I agreed and headed to my bathroom for a shower, surprised by what I'd learned… and, I'd have to admit, a little impressed. I'd always thought of Carlisle as a patient, loving father figure… the pinnacle of protectiveness and self-control.

Who knew he had it in him?

x-x

The local Women's Suffrage Association hosted a lavish buffet brunch in the Leland's ballroom late the following morning. The room was packed with women – and a handful of men – enjoying the array of delicacies on the long buffet table. It didn't really even look like breakfast. One end of the table was laden with a variety of meats: steaks, roasts and chops, along with heaps of oysters and grilled fish. Further down I found a wide variety of fried potatoes – from simple shredded hash browns to larger chunks of potato, fried with bits of bacon and onion. Next came the eggs - scrambled, poached or fried – followed by biscuits and breads, sweet rolls and doughnuts… and of course, coffee and tea.

Gah. It was a heart attack waiting to happen, but it sure looked good.

Eleanor and I loaded our plates and found a seat in the middle of the room along with a few women I recognized from the meeting in Chicago. Several local suffrage supporters gave speeches during the meal, despite the chattering going on around the room, and tried to get the women fired up for the march.

After the meal, we all stood and moved toward the exits to walk the few blocks to President Lincoln's historic home. The sky was overcast and I felt a few random raindrops, but it was warm enough that we didn't need coats. Eleanor and I still brought umbrellas along, just in case.

  


  


As we gathered around the two-story home, I was reminded of the stories I'd heard about Abraham Lincoln's humble beginnings. This home, which apparently was where he had lived during the presidential election, had obviously been lovingly restored and maintained. The paint was fresh, the lawn neatly mowed, and spring flowers had been planted all along the front yard.

The crowd milled about and grew to an impressive size. I was bad at guessing the number of people in a group, but the yard was full and the crowd straggled out into the street and down the sidewalk. Several women walked through the gathering, handing out red, white, and blue sashes. Eleanor and I put ours on just as a woman stepped up onto the front porch, calling the group's attention.

"Ladies… and gentlemen," she shouted through a megaphone. "We have come here today to celebrate a victory… but also to challenge our leaders to make that victory a complete one." The crowd cheered and she waited for them to quiet.

"Illinois, as you know, was one of the first states in the union to extend the right to vote to women. Many of us were there along the way, fighting for our right to be heard at the polls. It was a long road, but our lawmakers finally made the right decision."

More cheers.

"But that victory was incomplete," she said, raising a hand to silence the crowd. "Even in Illinois, we are not allowed a voice in every election. And we have sisters across our great nation who are not even allowed that much. This, we believe, is wrong… it's unconscionable… and it must be changed!"

I found myself caught up in the moment and clapped and shouted along with the rest of the women.

"This fall, the United States Senate takes up a measure to adopt a constitutional amendment to extend suffrage to all American women… an amendment that has already been approved by the House and endorsed by our President." The shouting grew and she raised her voice to be heard over it. "We must send a message to our state's leaders that this amendment must be approved… that we will not stop until every woman across this great nation has an equal voice in government… a chance to be heard, that is our right!"

Applause rang out and she waited for it to subside a little before continuing.

"We stand here before the home of a great American president, Abraham Lincoln, who once said, 'The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.' I believe our cause is just! We must all be willing to take a stand… to make a statement… to let the world know that even if we fail, we will not be silenced. We will be heard!"

The crowd went wild, shouting and cheering. Eleanor had moved a few feet away to talk to a small group of women, and I was so absorbed in the speech that at first I didn't realize that a familiar figure had stepped up beside me.

"Good afternoon, Miss Swan," a low voice intoned.

I turned, surprised at being addressed… and even more surprised when I saw Carlisle standing next to me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, shocked.

"Nice to see you, too," he replied with a smirk.

I flushed. "Sorry. Of course, it's good to see you. I'm just surprised. You hadn't mentioned you were going to be here." My eyes flashed to Eleanor and I blushed more deeply, remembering our conversation from the night before.

Carlisle turned to observe the gathering. "Well, it's a worthy cause. I thought I'd come and lend my support."

"Carlisle?" Eleanor had returned, a wide smile on her face as she noticed my companion. "How lovely to see you, darling!" She leaned forward a bit and they touched cheeks quickly.

"Eleanor, you look lovely, as always." Carlisle returned her smile.

"Oh pish, you flatterer!" Eleanor waved a hand, turning to me. "The man never ages, I tell you. He looks the same as the day I met him. I don't know how he does it!"

I giggled and Carlisle raised an eyebrow at me.

"When did you get into town?" Eleanor asked, oblivious to our exchange. "We were on yesterday's train, but I didn't see you."

I choked on a laugh again as I imagined Carlisle running from Chicago to Springfield, leaving the train in the dust.

Carlisle ignored my outburst. "I arrived this morning," he said simply. I noticed he hadn't said anything about taking the train.

"It's such a coincidence," Eleanor continued. "We were just talking about you last night. Bella mentioned that you work together."

"That's right." Carlisle nodded. "She's been a world of help with my research. I don't know what I would do without her."

He glanced at me with a small smile, which I returned before we turned back toward the front of the group for the rest of the speeches. I noticed Eleanor watching Carlisle with a speculative gleam in her eye, but when she realized I was looking at her, she winked and turned away. I found myself wondering if Eleanor might still hold a candle for the good doctor.

Several more women made speeches before the group turned to walk the route to the capitol building. It was really well organized. The leaders arranged us into wide lines, instructing us to stay in formation for the duration of the march. Eleanor was on my left, Carlisle on my right.

I had the strangest urge to turn a cartwheel. If I could do a cartwheel, that is.

"I know what you're thinking," Eleanor said with a wink, "but if you step out of line, they'll be here in a flash. You do not want to get those ladies upset."

"They're kind of bossy," I complained.

"Oh, you can't even imagine," she replied. "A woman stepped out of line at the last march and ended up being hit in the head with a picket sign. I'm not saying it was on purpose, but…" She shrugged. "She ended up sitting on the sidewalk with a rag pressed to her forehead and didn't get into the group photo for the newspaper."

Geez. These suffrage ladies were kind of like the mafia. I decided I'd rather stay in formation than find a horse head in my bed.

  


  


The march to the capitol steps was relatively peaceful, except for the catcalls from a couple of drunk men standing outside of a bar. The group ignored them and made their way up the steps and a few photographers circled the group, taking pictures. I had to admit my heart swelled with pride a little bit. To be standing there with those history-making women… on the steps of a rather majestic building… it made me feel like I was a part of something important. I mean, I knew it would all happen with or without me. But to witness it first-hand was… well… pretty awe-inspiring.

More speeches were made… chants were shouted… songs were sung (although not by me). Finally, the group turned to disperse, once again walking down Capitol Avenue since many of the out-of-towners were also staying at the Leland. Eleanor, Carlisle, and I walked with the group down the street.

"You must join us for dinner," Eleanor said to Carlisle. "We haven't had a chance to chat in ages and I'd like to hear how you've been."

"I'd love to," Carlisle agreed, before all of our attention was drawn to a commotion a short distance ahead of us. The crowd was still pretty heavy, so I couldn't see exactly what was happening, but I could hear shouting and see several women turning to move quickly in the opposite direction.

"I wonder what's happening," I murmured, stretching to see above the crowd. Several people jostled past me and I stumbled a little. The crowd parted slightly and I saw that the two drunk men who had heckled us earlier had been joined by half a dozen friends and were shouting into the street, waving their beer bottles. One of them climbed up onto the top of a car and threw his bottle onto the pavement. The breaking glass seemed to jumpstart the screaming and suddenly people were running in every direction.

"We need to get out of here," Carlisle said, grabbing my arm.

"Wait!" I pulled away. "Where's Eleanor?" I scanned the crowd around me, but somehow my friend had disappeared. I pushed my way forward, thinking she might have been swept away, calling her name.

"You lousy suffragettes! Why don't you go home?" The drunk man on the car had been joined by a friend and they were now flinging beer out of full bottles onto the heads of the women before smashing the bottles on the sidewalk. "Can't your men keep control of you?" they jeered, obviously targeting a man in the crowd who had come to support his wife. At this, a fight broke out and the crowd began to surge and sway. Before I realized what was happening, the men had jumped down from the car and tipped it over into the street. I was being pushed and shoved from one direction to the other as more sporadic fights broke out, and people tried to escape the growing melee.

I wanted to turn and run, duck into an alley or a local business, but I was frantically searching for Eleanor. I was worried that she'd been hurt and despite my increasing panic, I pushed on. I could no longer see Carlisle and hoped that he was looking for her too. Of all people, I knew Carlisle could keep her safe. A woman stumbled before me, falling to the ground, and I bent to help her up before continuing on. Around me the shouting escalated and the peaceful crowd seemed to morph into a threatening mob. My hat was knocked from my head and as I turned to grab it, I felt a sharp shove from the back. Gasping, I fell forward onto the ground, catching myself on my hands and knees. A flash of pain ran through my extremities and I realized I'd landed not only on the harsh pavement, but also on broken glass. I raised a stinging palm to my face and grimaced at the trickles of blood flowing down to stain the sleeve of my white blouse.

I tried to stand, but once again was pushed to the ground as the frightened crowd rushed around me. A wave of fear surged through me as I remembered Edward's warning about the suffrage march and I winced at the realization that he was right. Still huddled on the hard street, I looked up to see two men just a few feet away locked in a scuffle and moving toward me quickly. The taller one clenched his fist, swinging hard at the other and solidly connecting with his face. The shorter one's head spun around, flinging blood and spittle my direction before he steadied himself and swung back. I tried to get up to escape the fight but once again was forced back down. I finally just closed my eyes and covered my head, resigned to trying to protect myself as well as I could until it was over.

Suddenly, I was no longer on the ground - and instead of shouting voices, all I could hear was the whistling of wind in my ears. It took a moment for me to realize I was cradled against a rock hard chest in a pair of strong arms. By the time I opened my eyes I was no longer in the midst of a crowd, but in a damp alley being set gingerly on a wooden crate.

"Are you all right?" Carlisle's worried amber gaze took in my bloody hands and torn skirt. Dazed, I just nodded.

He looked out to the mouth of the alley. "I'm going to go look for Eleanor," he said. "Just stay here. I'll be right back." I nodded again and slumped back against the brick wall as Carlisle rushed out of the alley. He returned a few moments later empty-handed.

At my concerned look, Carlisle tried to console me. "I'm sure she's fine," he said reassuringly. "The crowd is breaking up and the police have finally arrived to calm things down. She wasn't in the street, so she probably went into a restaurant or shop to wait until it was over."

He took my hand gently, examining the cuts. "I should clean and dress these," he murmured and I looked down. The blood flow had slowed, but with the sudden drop of adrenaline, I found myself growing woozy at the sight of the dark rivulets dripping from my palm. I felt myself sway and Carlisle quickly swept me up into his arms again.

"I'm okay," I argued pitifully.

"Yes, of course you are." Carlisle chuckled. "Just hold still."

It turned out, we were in the alley behind the Leland and Carlisle managed to easily open the service door before carrying me down a dark hallway. Avoiding the elevator, he quickly climbed six flights of stairs, and I told him our room number and handed them the key from my purse. When we entered the room he started to set me down on the couch in the sitting room, but I protested, not wanting to get blood on the carpet or furniture. Instead, at my insistence, I sat in the bathtub in my bathroom with my eyes closed and my head laid back against the cool porcelain.

"I just have to get my bag," he said in a quiet voice. "I won't be a minute."

"I'm sure you won't," I said wryly without opening my eyes.

I heard him laugh quietly before he left the room. True to his word, he was back in less than a minute with his medical bag in hand. Carlisle cleaned the cuts in my palms first, and I felt a flash of déjà vu as I remembered him completing a similar task after my birthday party mishap. Once he got the blood cleaned up, I actually felt much better – less dizzy. He applied some salve to my hands and wrapped them in gauze.

"Those should heal up nicely," he said, tossing some trash into the garbage can. "Just keep the dressings clean. Do you have any other injuries?"

I winced. Actually, I was sore all over. Now that I had time to evaluate my condition I realized I was going to be pretty bruised for quite a while.

"I think my knees…" I began, lifting my torn skirt. Carlisle knelt before me to examine my knees. Only one was cut – the other was just scraped, so he quickly treated those injuries and stood to wash his hands.

The telephone rang and my head snapped toward the sitting room. "It might be Eleanor," I said, raising myself up carefully to sit on the edge of the bathtub.

"Just stay there a moment," Carlisle ordered. "I'll answer it, then I'll help you into the other room." He walked out and I carefully stepped out of the tub and wobbled after him, using the wall for support and worried to death about Eleanor.

I walked into the sitting room and leaned on a table as Carlisle answered the phone. He rolled his eyes at my disregard for his orders and muttered a low, "Hello?"

A moment later, his eyes flashed to me. "Yes, she's right here. One moment please." He set the phone down and walked over to help me to a chair.

"It's Edward," he said impassively.

Shit. Oh _shit_. I'd forgotten Edward was going to call. And Carlisle answered the phone… in my _room_.

Edward was going to be _pissed_.

I picked up the phone and Carlisle went into the bathroom to finish cleaning up. I took a deep breath, preparing myself to face the music.

"Hello?" I said in a weak voice.

After a beat of silence, I heard Edward's curt reply. "Bella?"

I tried to hide my discomfort. I had done nothing wrong, after all. "Oh, hi Edward! How was the meet?" I asked cheerfully.

"Bella, why is that man answering your telephone?"

Okaaayyy…. So the diversion tactics weren't going to work.

"Oh, Dr. Cullen?" I said cheerfully. "Eleanor and I ran into him at the march today."

"Why is he in your room, Bella?" Edward's voice was quiet… deadly. I almost preferred the ranting, raving Edward.

"Oh… ummm… well, there was a little problem after the march. I hurt… myself a little…"

"What?" Edward's voice grew agitated. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, it's just a scratch, really," I assured him. "I just fell in the street and scraped my hands up." That sounded minor, right? Not a big deal… nothing to be concerned about. Carlisle emerged from the bathroom with his bag in hand and tried to pretend that he hadn't been listening to my whole conversation.

"You just… fell," Edward repeated, disbelievingly.

"Ummm… yes." I squirmed a little in my seat, even though Edward couldn't see me. Carlisle caught the motion and I saw him smirk a little.

"For no reason at all," Edward continued.

"Uh huh." I bit my lip. God, I was a terrible liar.

"Are you sure about that, Bella?" he asked, giving me a last chance to come clean. I hesitated, but knew that - knowing Edward - he'd read about the incident in the papers… and then he'd be even more upset that I hadn't told him the truth.

"Well…" I began, "…there may have been a fight…"

"I knew it!" Edward exclaimed. "I told you those marches were dangerous! I can't believe I let you go down there!"

"Wait a second," I bristled. "What do you mean you _let_ me?"

Edward continued as if he hadn't heard me. "…and then thugs on the street start a riot and of course, you're right in the middle of it. You could have been seriously hurt… or killed!"

"Edward…"

"But you just have to get involved. You can't just write letters or put up posters… no… not Bella Swan…" he ranted.

"Edward…" I said a little louder.

"You have to be right in the thick of things… willing to risk your very life…" I looked up to see Carlisle chuckling and rolled my eyes.

"Edward!" I shouted.

Finally… blessed silence.

"I know you're worried, but I promise you… I'm fine," I explained. When he tried to interrupt, I continued. "The fight had nothing to do with the march... not really. There were a few drunk guys causing problems and things just got out of hand. It could have happened anywhere."

"Anywhere you were," Edward muttered.

I pretended I hadn't heard that. "I lost my balance and fell… I scraped up my knees and cut my hands a little, but they're fine… I'm fine."

Edward was quiet for a moment, then I heard him exhale heavily. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I just don't like the idea of you being hurt. And I really don't like you being so far away," he admitted. "I… uh… I miss you."

I smiled. "I know. I miss you too."

"And I _really_ don't like the fact that Dr. Cullen is there with you," he muttered angrily. Carlisle, to his credit, had moved to the windows and was gazing out of them thoughtfully, acting like he wasn't listening.

Stupid eavesdropping vampires.

"It's a good thing he was," I told Edward. "He helped me get away from the crowd and then treated my cuts and scrapes."

"Well, that is good… I guess," Edward admitted grudgingly. "So, may I still come for you at the train station tomorrow?"

"Of course. The train is scheduled to arrive at two-fifteen," I replied. Then, before I hung up, I remembered to ask him, "You never said how you did at the meet today."

Edward's voice notably cheered. "It went well, I think. I qualified for the regional meet."

"That's great, Edward. I'm so happy for you!" I smiled, then realized that I needed to keep the phone line open. "Edward, I wasn't thinking. I need to go. We were separated from Eleanor after the fight and I'm waiting for her to call."

"You mean you're _alone_ in that room with Dr. Cullen?" Edward asked in a shocked voice. "Mrs. Donahue's not with you?"

_Great. Me and my big mouth._

Fortunately, I was rescued from the conversation by Eleanor herself, who chose that very moment to burst through the door.

"Bella! Thank the Lord! I was so worried!" Eleanor rushed over to sit across from me on the sofa.

_Saved by the belle. Heh._

"Edward, I'm sorry. Eleanor's here and I really have to go…"

"Bella…" Edward said in a warning voice.

"Edward, can we talk about this tomorrow, please? It's been a long day and I'm really tired," I pleaded.

After a beat of silence he relented. "All right. I'll see you tomorrow." I heard him exhale heavily. "I'm glad you're all right. Good night, Bella."

"Bye, Edward." I hung up the phone and sighed.

"Is everything all right?" Eleanor asked, reaching for my bandaged hand. Before I could answer, she noticed my injuries and my disheveled appearance. "Good Lord, Bella! What happened?"

"Well, I kind of ended up in the middle of a little fight…"

Carlisle laughed, walking over to sit on the arm of the sofa. "More like a full-on bar brawl."

I shot him a glare. "Really, it's nothing. Carlisle fixed me right up."

"Well, thank heaven for that." Eleanor shook her head in concern. "I ducked into a little bookshop when things started escalating. I looked for you, but couldn't find you. By the time the police had everything under control, I had no idea where you'd gone."

"Carlisle helped me back to the hotel," I explained. "I was lucky he was nearby."

"Yes… lucky," Eleanor murmured distractedly. "I take it your Edward wasn't too happy to hear about today's happenings?"

"That's putting it mildly," I muttered.

"Well, don't worry, honey, he'll be fine." She patted my knee. "Once he sees you're home safe and sound, he'll forget all about it."

I doubted that, but didn't comment. Instead, I suggested we all go to dinner in the hotel restaurant. I changed my clothes, wondering if the stained blouse and torn skirt could be salvaged, before we headed to the lobby. I limped along, wincing at my aching joints as Carlisle held my elbow to steady me. We sat at a round table set with white linens and gleaming silver. I sipped from my water glass and Carlisle leaned toward me.

"Here," he whispered, holding out a couple of white tablets, "these might help with the pain."

I looked at the pills skeptically. "They're not morphine are they? Or… laudanum?" I didn't want to become some kind of early twentieth century junkie, haunting the backstreets of Chicago looking for a fix.

"Laudanum?" Carlisle chuckled lowly. "No, I don't really use laudanum any more. It's just aspirin, I'm afraid."

I nodded and swallowed the tablets gratefully, hoping they would help ease the burning in my muscles.

Eleanor and Carlisle ordered steaks – rare for Carlisle, which earned a chuckle from me – and I chose a grilled trout with roasted potatoes. I surreptitiously watched Carlisle out of the corner of my eye, trying to spot what he was doing with his food, but I had to say the guy was good. Even I couldn't tell he was faking. He moved the food around on his plate, lifting the fork to his lips on occasion, but I couldn't tell if he was really chewing the food, or if he managed to tuck it into his napkin at vamp-speed before I could notice.

"Are you taking the train back to Chicago in the morning?" Eleanor asked Carlisle before taking another bite of her steak.

"Ah, no… I'll be taking a later train," Carlisle replied, moving a green bean from one side of his plate to another.

"Oh, I didn't realize there was a later train."

"Hmmm… yes… well," Carlisle said noncommittally. He faked another bite and I squinted at him, trying to see if he actually put it in his mouth. He noticed my staring and turned to me with a raised eyebrow, but I just shrugged sheepishly and returned to my fish.

"What's going on with you two?" Eleanor had set her silverware down and was looking from me to Carlisle suspiciously.

I choked slightly and covered with a sip of water. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know," she said slowly, eyeing us carefully. "It's like you're sharing a secret or something."

I reddened and my voice raised a notch. "A secret?" I croaked.

I saw Carlisle shake his head slightly out of the corner of my eye. Obviously, he was not impressed with my bluffing abilities.

"I think you're imagining things, Eleanor," he said calmly, faking a sip of his own water. "There are no secrets here. Perhaps Bella is having a reaction to the medication I gave her. It can have some unusual side effects."

_Oh… good one, Carlisle. Why didn't I think of that?_

"I am feeling a little tired… and… dizzy," I added as an afterthought. "Maybe I need to lie down."

"Oh, dear," Eleanor fussed, rising to the bait and waving for the waiter. "You need to get some rest. We'll get you up and to bed and you'll be right as rain in the morning." She told the waiter to bill our room for the meal and we stood to leave the restaurant.

Carlisle said goodbye in the lobby and leaned in to touch cheeks with Eleanor, then with me.

"Nice recovery," he whispered before pulling away with a smirk, tipping his hat to us, and leaving the building.

x-x

I was preoccupied the next morning as we boarded the train for the return trip to Chicago. I had slept well, very heavily in fact, and I wondered if Carlisle had told me the truth about the aspirin, or if he'd given me something a little stronger. Regardless, for the second time, I had been free of weird, creepy dreams and I was glad for the fact.

However, I knew in a few short hours I'd be seeing Edward again, and that had me worried for a couple of reasons. Of course, there was the immediate issue of Edward being upset about me being hurt in the fight… and even more upset that Carlisle was in my hotel room. To be honest, I couldn't really blame him. I knew Edward had some jealousy issues regarding Carlisle, however ill-founded I believed them to be. I couldn't really explain it to him, though. The fact that Carlisle was a lonely vampire who found in me a friend and somewhat-confidant, despite our "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" situation made perfect sense to me… but wasn't exactly something I could tell Edward.

So there was that. Still, I believed once we'd talked things out I could make him see reason and we'd be okay on the suffrage/danger/Carlisle front.

But there was also the other problem at hand. Once I returned to Chicago, I needed to really kick my Save Edward plan into gear. Which meant I needed to figure out a way to break through his well-rehearsed self-control and get at the passionate Edward I'd only seen glimpses of.

Yeah, back to the whole seduction thing. And my lack of skills in that arena.

So I sat, biting my nails on the sofa in Eleanor's private car as the train pulled out of the station, distractedly looking out the window.

"Bella? Is something bothering you?"

Eleanor peered at me over her teacup, and I decided if there was one person who could help me with my dilemma, it was the woman in front of me. She obviously had a lot of experience in the area… she was a cougar before they even coined the phrase.

"Ummm…" I began, blushing. "Well, it's about Edward."

Eleanor laughed softly. "I assumed so. Are you worried about his reaction to all of this?" she waved a hand, indicating my bandages.

"No… not exactly," I replied. "I think I can handle that."

"What then?"

I bit my lip thoughtfully. "You have a lot of… experience… with men, right?" I asked, hoping I wasn't insulting her.

Thankfully, she just smiled. "More than some, not as much as others," she said.

"I was just wondering how you… ummm…" God, how was I going to seduce Edward if I couldn't even talk about it without blushing and bumbling like an idiot? I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath. "I need you to teach me about seduction," I said firmly, my flaming cheeks belying my resolute tone.

"What?" Eleanor gasped. "Bella, what is this all about?"

My squared shoulders slumped. "It's about Edward. He's been so sweet and considerate lately…" At her wry expression, I added, "Last night on the phone the exception."

"So why is that a problem?" she asked.

"I want him to be… not so… sweet and considerate," I said pointedly, blushing even further, if that were possible.

"Ahhh," Eleanor said with a knowing smile.

"Yeah." I nodded. "I was hoping you could help me… move things forward a bit."

"Are you sure that's what you want, Bella?" She moved to sit next to me on the sofa, taking my hand gently. "I'm going to let you in on a little secret, honey. I love my life. I do. But it's not an easy one. If it wasn't for my money, I'd be more of a social pariah than I already am.

"For you, it could mean ruin, Bella. A young girl like yourself has to consider her reputation. If you go down this road, there's no turning back," she warned. "And if you succeed and give yourself to Edward in this way... if he loses interest… sets you aside, you could be destroyed."

That was true in more ways than one, but I lifted my chin in determination. "I know what I'm doing," I replied firmly. "Will you help me?"

She looked into my eyes for a long moment, then sighed heavily. "All right," she said, suddenly all business. "Now, I'm not saying I know everything there is to know, but I've found a few tricks along the way that could help. These may sound simple, but they are effective."

"Should I be taking notes?"

Eleanor laughed, and the tension between us lifted and she sat back down across from me. "Okay, honey, first thing you need to do is find a way to be with Edward around other men. You need to make him jealous, without him realizing what you're doing. I think you've already seen that can have an impact."

I thought about Edward's reaction to Carlisle and nodded. I wouldn't use Carlisle, though. I just couldn't do that.

"Second," she continued, "you need to offer him forbidden glimpses, again without being obvious."

"Glimpses?" I repeated, unsure of what she meant.

"Perhaps you raise your skirts a little higher than necessary to step over a puddle, or bend down a little to offer just a peek…" she suggested.

My face fell into my hands. "Who am I kidding? I could never do that!" I moaned.

"You're the one who asked for my help, Bella," Eleanor pointed out. "If you really want this, you will have to overcome your insecurities."

I peeked at her through my fingers. "What else?" I mumbled.

"Well, you'll need to touch him… frequently, but subtly," she suggested, standing again and pacing across the room. "A brush of your fingers on his arm, a light tap on his chest… that kind of thing. The goal is to drive him a little crazy, without looking like a loose woman. It's a delicate balance."

"Do you really think that will work?" I asked doubtfully, skeptical not of her advice, but of my ability to pull it off.

"Do you have any other options?" she responded quickly.

"The only thing that's worked so far is getting him mad," I said dejectedly. "And lately, he's even been able to control that."

"Getting mad, hmmm…" Eleanor tapped her lips thoughtfully. "Well, that does make some sense. Passion _is_ passion… you can use that to your advantage as well."

"So jealousy… forbidden glimpses… touching him, subtly… and making him mad," I ticked off the points on my fingers. I exhaled heavily. "Eleanor, is it wrong for me to do this?" I asked, feeling guilty. "It feels so manipulative."

"Oh, honey, it _is_ manipulative," she agreed, sitting down again. "But you're not going to make him do anything he doesn't want to do," Eleanor added. "You're just encouraging him to act on feelings I suspect he already has."

Still doubtful, I nodded. "I'll try…"

"And if all else fails," she added, "you might have to be a little forward… become the aggressor." She looked me in the eyes intently. "But again, Bella, be cautious. If you're going to protect your reputation, you'll need to make sure any advances are not observed by others."

"I understand."

"Oh, and one more thing," she said, holding up a finger and going to the low dresser by the bed, shuffling through some papers in a drawer. "Read this."

I looked at the pamphlet Eleanor placed in my hand.

_Family Limitation by Margaret Sanger_

Curious, I flipped through it quickly, my eyes widening as I realized Eleanor had just given me a pamphlet on birth control… a very detailed, _fully-illustrated_ pamphlet on birth control. I was shocked. I knew the Pill wasn't around yet… and that the early condoms were not wholly reliable, but the pamphlet had several other options.

"And if you have any questions, or need help obtaining anything mentioned in there, just see me," Eleanor added, sitting down and picking up her teacup to take a sip. I murmured my thanks as I tucked the pamphlet away to read in detail later.

"Now," Eleanor said, setting her cup down again and eyeing me intently, "I need to ask _you_ for a favor."

"Of course, Eleanor, anything," I replied, not sure of what she could possibly want from me.

She took a deep breath. "Promise me you'll be careful… with Carlisle."

Her request confused me. "What do you mean?"

"I'm asking you to do your best not to hurt him."

"I would never hurt Carlisle," I replied emphatically. "He's one of my closest friends."

"I'm sure you wouldn't… not intentionally, at least," Eleanor clarified. She tapped her lips with her fingers. "I can't be sure, of course. Carlisle guards his emotions so closely. But a few times I got the impression that his feelings for you might be… deeper than you suspect."

First Edward and now Eleanor. How could I explain the unique connection between Carlisle and me? To outsiders it had to appear strangely intimate, full of inside jokes and shared confidences. I could understand where Eleanor would come to the conclusion that we were more than friends. In a way, we were. But Carlisle was… _Carlisle_. I had come to know him better, appreciate him as a person like I had never had the chance to before. Yet, there couldn't really be anything more to it than that.

At least on my end.

An uncomfortable feeling snuck up my spine as I wondered if Eleanor… and Edward… might possibly be seeing more of the truth than I was at that moment. Carlisle had given no indication to me of the deeper feelings Eleanor alluded to. He had always been the perfect gentleman – protective, yes – but other than that…

I shook my head, unable to delve any deeper into those thoughts at the moment and opting for denial.

"Don't worry, Eleanor," I reassured her. "Carlisle and I are close friends. We have a lot in common and enjoy each others' company. That's all."

She bit her lip pensively. "Perhaps," she relented, "but please, promise me you'll be careful."

I took in her worried gaze and felt it mirrored in the pit of my stomach. Hurt Carlisle? The one person in this crazy world who came close to knowing who I really was – the truth about my presence here? I couldn't bear it. I would do anything to keep from hurting him.

To my surprise, tears pricked at my eyes and I brushed them away quickly.

"I promise," I said quietly.

She nodded, and we both turned to look out the window at the passing scenery as the train rolled down the tracks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like to see the pamphlet Eleanor gave Bella, you can find it here: http://archive.lib.msu.edu/DMC/AmRad/familylimitations.pdf


	15. Of Squealing Fangirls and Surprise Visitors

_**"There is no future, there is no past. I live this moment as my last. There's only us, there's only this; forget regret, or life is yours to miss, no other road, no other way, no day but today."** _

_**\- Another Day, from the Broadway Play "Rent"** _

**Chapter 14 – Of Squealing Fangirls and Surprise Visitors**

Edward was all thoughtful attentiveness when he saw me emerge from Eleanor's rail car. He hurried to help me step down before turning to do the same for Eleanor.

Apparently, whether or not he approved of Eleanor's unconventional lifestyle, Edward's inbred manners could not be denied.

I introduced them briefly, and he gave Eleanor a curt nod and a "How do you do?" before taking my bandaged hands in his.

"Is it very painful?" he asked, stroking my palms gently with worry etched on his features.

"Hardly at all," I assured him, wanting to ease his concerns. I was lying. It still hurt quite a bit and I was bruised over pretty much every inch of my body. Fortunately, my 1918 attire covered the worst of it.

Still, after I hugged Eleanor, telling her thank you and goodbye, he took my elbow gingerly, guiding me to his parked car. He opened the door and helped me in, his eyes flashing in alarm when I winced slightly.

"Are you all right?" he asked worriedly.

I sighed in exasperation. "I'm fine. I'll be a little sore for a while, but there's no permanent damage, Edward. Stop worrying so much." I felt bad for snapping at him, but I was uncomfortable anyway, and didn't like being fussed over. In short, I was a terrible patient.

"I'm sorry," I said a moment later. "I know you're just worried, and I appreciate it, but really, I'll be fine in a day or two."

Edward just nodded and shut my door, walking around to get into the driver's side. He didn't start the car, though. He just tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, staring thoughtfully out the windshield at the train as it sat silently on the tracks.

_Oh boy. Here we go._

"I was so happy to hear how well you did yesterday," I began, hoping to get him talking on a more pleasant topic. "Which events did you qualify for?"

"What?" Edward asked distractedly. "Oh… uh… hundred-yard dash, two-twenty, high and low hurdles, and long jump," he rattled off. "I was a half an inch short for the high jump," he added with a wry smile.

"That's fantastic, Edward. When is the regional meet?"

"I have one more regular season meet, next weekend," he replied. "Then regionals are the following weekend in Rockford. Next weekend's meet is here in Chicago, if you'd like to come," he reminded me.

"Of course I would," I said enthusiastically. "I told you I was anxious to see you race."

He nodded absently and turned back to look through the windshield again. I bit my lip nervously, unable to think of a way to avoid what was sure to be a tense conversation.

Edward sighed finally, speaking quietly without looking at me. "Since we spoke yesterday, I've been doing a lot of thinking, Bella."

_Uh oh. Never a good sign._

"About what?" I asked, although I already knew.

"About a lot of things." The corner of his mouth lifted quickly. "I know you think I'm a little… overbearing at times…"

I smirked, but said nothing.

"I just want to be able to explain some things to you, and it's not always easy," he continued.

Remembering Eleanor's advice, I decided to start slow. I reached out tentatively and touched Edward's hand briefly. His eyes registered the quick contact and his ears reddened slightly.

"Just say it, Edward," I encouraged him softly.

His gaze narrowed unseeingly in front of him. "I like you, Bella. I've made no secret of that. But I don't really… understand you. You're different from any girl I've ever known. It's strange for me to be at such a… loss. It's not something I'm used to."

"I can understand that."

"Can you?" Edward asked, flicking a glance toward me. "I'm not sure I do." He laughed. "You're so stubborn… and willful… and outspoken…"

"Thanks," I deadpanned. "You really know how to flatter a girl."

"But so am I," he continued, finally turning to look me in the eye. "You don't let me tell you what to do or how to think. It's what I like most about you… and what drives me the craziest."

I smiled then and he returned the gesture.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry for being so difficult about the march. I _was_ concerned for your safety, but I should have respected your decision to attend – even if I didn't completely understand it myself.

"I'm trying, Bella," Edward explained, reaching out to take my hand gently. "I'm trying to be the kind of man you deserve. You'll just have to be patient with me."

I gaped at him, shocked.

After a moment, he broke the silence. "Bella? Are you all right?"

My mouth opened and closed a few times before I was able to form words. "I'm… I guess… I'm just… a little stunned."

Edward laughed and a mischievous twinkle lit his emerald eyes. "Bella Swan, speechless?" he joked. "I didn't think it possible."

I slugged him playfully in the arm and he laughed as he started the car.

"So does all this introspection mean you've changed your mind and will let me drive your car sometime?" I asked with a wide smile.

Edward just laughed again. "Don't get your hopes up."

x-x

We went for a late lunch at the same café Samantha and I had eaten at shortly after I arrived in Chicago. It was too cold to sit outside though, so Edward and I took our sandwiches and coffee to a small table by the large front window. We watched the people going by on the street, making up stories about them in an attempt to make each other laugh.

"You see him?" Edward pointed at a paunchy older man clutching his bowler hat against the wind. "Horace Abernathy." I snickered at the name and Edward continued. "He works in a bank, but has a secret ambition…" He leaned closer to me, wiggling his eyebrows and whispering, "…burlesque dancer."

I giggled, taking a sip of my coffee. "How about them?" I pointed out a staid-looking couple crossing the street, both tall and painfully thin, dressed in drab colors and wearing wire spectacles.

Edward smirked. "Hmmmm… that's Oscar Battingsley, married… and Hilda Thornsby – not his wife. They're having a torrid affair," he confided conspiratorially.

"Do tell."

Edward nodded. "They met at a meeting of the local Temperance League," he continued. "Their love could not be denied. So every Sunday while his wife meets with her knitting group, and her husband naps off his Sunday dinner, they sneak away to the basement of the city library."

I laughed. "The library? How romantic."

"Yes, well, Oscar has a key, since he's the janitor," Edward explained. "And over the dusty stacks of books and cleaning supplies, they consummate their love."

"Shocking!" I smirked, taking another bite of my sandwich.

Edward winked once, then turned back to his food. I observed him out of the corner of my eye and managed to stifle a dreamy sigh before I embarrassed myself fully. Edward had come directly from church to pick me up, so was once again in a dark suit and tie, although he'd loosened it slightly, offering me another tempting view of his throat. His copper hair had escaped his careful ministrations of the morning and sprang crazily all over his head – as wild and beautiful as ever. My stomach curled as I gazed at him, and I swallowed deeply as I determined to put some of Eleanor's advice to use.

_Forbidden glimpses._

I bit my lip, looking down at my blouse. It was high-necked and buttoned in the back, so it looked like cleavage wasn't really an option.

Which left my legs.

Okay. I could do this.

Trying to be as casual as possible despite the nerves causing me to tremble and the embarrassment flaming my cheeks, I crossed my legs. I lifted my napkin to my lips, pretending I was wiping my mouth. When I placed the napkin back in my lap I slipped a hand beneath it, tugging my skirt up a bit. I glanced down to see if I'd offered a tempting peep… and was greeted by a curtain of white.

I'd been so focused on my subterfuge I'd forgotten the table was covered with a linen tablecloth, effectively blocking my legs from view.

"Are you all right?" Edward examined me, a curious look on his face.

"Me? Sure, I'm fine," I said with a smile, pretending to be incredibly interested in my sandwich. Edward returned my smile, then turned to look out the window, chewing thoughtfully.

With an inward sigh and a quick peek at Edward to make sure he wasn't noticing my movements, I swiveled slightly in my seat to bring my oh-so-sexy-and-scandalous ankles out from under the tablecloth … then a little more… just a little more…

Suddenly, the dishes clattered sharply as I caught the edge of the tablecloth in my shoe, nearly pulling it off the table. Edward's fork fell to the floor, drawing his attention.

"What in the world?" He looked at the table in confusion, then bent down to retrieve his fork, coming face to face with my stocking-clad calf.

Edward froze abruptly for a moment, and all I could see were the tops of his ears reddening.

_Bingo!_

I sat completely still, watching him until he seemed to snap out of it, grab his fork, and sit up quickly.

Slamming his head on the bottom of the table.

"Shit!" he exclaimed through his teeth. Then his eyes snapped to me and he flushed even further. "I beg your pardon," he said guiltily.

_Yeah. This was going great. What was I thinking?_

I glanced around, but the restaurant was relatively empty and it appeared nobody had noticed our little mishap.

"Are you okay?" I asked, reaching out to touch the back of his head gently. "I'm so sorry!"

"You're sorry? For what?" he asked, his voice raspy as he leaned slightly into my hand. I wondered if he even realized he was doing it.

"I… uh… bumped the table and your fork fell," I explained, my fingers sliding through his hair and rubbing his head softly.

His eyes glazed over slightly, and I worried he'd gotten a concussion or something. "Oh," he said quietly.

I looked into his eyes with concern. His pupils looked big… but not overly big. How big was overly big anyway?

It would be just like me to put a guy in the hospital with my deadly weapon of seduction.

Edward still looked dazed, so I asked, "Do you feel dizzy?" Since I was still caressing what I was sure would become a huge goose egg, I raised my other hand, showing three fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"What?" he asked blankly.

I wiggled my fingers. "How many fingers do you see?"

Edward blinked a couple of times, then sat up straight and my hand fell to my lap. "Oh… right… no, I'm fine. Three fingers… three. Sorry," he babbled, looking down at his coffee cup and spinning it absently.

"Are you sure you're all right? You don't feel dizzy or nauseous?"

Edward shook his head. "No… really, I'm fine. I didn't hit it that hard. I was just… surprised is all." He looked up at me briefly, before flushing scarlet and dropping his eyes to the table.

_Ah. Thank you, Eleanor._

Deciding not to push my luck, I carefully turned in my chair so my legs were modestly covered once again. We ate in silence for a few minutes, then Edward went back to spinning his coffee cup, and I knew something was on his mind.

"Bella, may I ask you something?"

I finished my sandwich and wiped my mouth before answering. "Of course."

His eyes flashed to mine briefly. "Did you _really_ not know that Dr. Cullen was going to be in Springfield?"

I set my napkin down carefully. "No. I didn't know. Did you think I'd lie to you about that?"

Edward shifted uncomfortably. "No… I didn't think you'd lie. It's just…"

"Just what?"

He looked up finally and shrugged. "I just wonder sometimes if you might… _like_ Dr. Cullen."

I sighed and replied quietly, "Well, of course I like him. He's my friend."

"That's all?" Edward's eyes were intent.

"Edward," I groaned. "Are we seriously going to do this again?"

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry." Edward shook his head as if trying to clear it. "It's just that he's so much older and more mature. I mean he's a successful doctor… whether or not you see it, he cares for you… and you obviously get along…"

"What are you trying to say?" I asked, exasperated.

Edward looked down at his cup again and answered quietly, "I just wonder sometimes if he might be better for you… than me." He lifted a shoulder in defeat. "I guess that's part of the reason I get so jealous. I mean, I'm still in high school. After that I'm probably going to be gone – to war. It's a lot to ask of you…

"And he would be here… with you." He glanced at me and I gasped at the fear and insecurity I saw in his eyes. Instinctively, I reached out to take his hand.

"Edward, I don't know how to make this any clearer," I said firmly. "I want to be with you. I don't want to be with anyone else. As for what the future holds…" I smiled to myself at the irony of my words. "…we'll deal with that when the time comes."

His green eyes sparkled as insecurity gave way to relief. "All right," he said quietly. "When the time comes."

x-x

That whole week I felt like an idiot.

Edward's words and Eleanor's warnings stuck with me… haunted me… and I found myself watching Carlisle for signs that he could indeed be attracted to me as they'd indicated. The thought that I could hurt Carlisle sat like a lump in my stomach, and I wasn't sure what to do about it. I did know, however, that Carlisle's friendship was incredibly important to me, and I didn't want to put that at risk. If he did have feelings for me, I would have to find a sensitive way to let him down easily. But I also didn't want to jump to unfounded conclusions and make a fool of myself and embarrass him.

Me: "I'm so sorry, Carlisle, but I just don't like you that way. It's not you, it's me. I hope we can still be friends."

Carlisle: "What the hell are you talking about, Bella? You conceited freak!"

Okay, I was pretty sure he wouldn't respond exactly that way, but you could see how the conversation could make things awkward between us. So, before I took that step, I felt I had to be sure. Which led to me watching him like a hawk and again, feeling like an idiot. Carlisle would hold a door for me or laugh at a bad joke and I would hesitate, wondering if it was more than politeness or if I was reading too much into it. It made me tense and jumpy and more than once I caught Carlisle sighing in exasperation when I'd make a stupid mistake or fumble and drop a load of files.

I just had no feminine intuition, or whatever you wanted to call it. I was terrible at reading people… particularly men… and _especially_ vampires. Carlisle, apparently, didn't have that problem. Thursday night we were categorizing slides when he finally broke down and asked me what my problem was.

Well, he asked way more politely, but the thought was basically the same.

"Has something been troubling you, Bella?"

I panicked. And when I panicked, I tended to ramble.

"Troubling? No… no trouble. I'm not troubled at all. Do I… seem troubled?"

Carlisle chuckled. "No, not at all. I can't imagine what I was thinking."

I scowled. "Sarcasm is not attractive, Carlisle."

He simply smiled and put another slide into the microscope, examining it briefly through the eyepiece before making a notation in a thick journal.

"What are you doing, anyway?" I asked.

"I'm comparing samples from Kansas and New York with some that I recently received from a colleague in France," he replied, adding to his notes.

"Have you found anything useful?"

"I'm not sure yet," Carlisle murmured, checking another slide. "They appear to be identical, but my instruments are limited… and you still haven't answered my question," he prodded.

I sighed. "I'm just a little tense," I explained. "I have a lot on my mind."

"Anything you'd like to talk about?"

_Hmmm… I need to find a way to seduce my boyfriend so he'll run away with me and not catch the Spanish Flu so you don't change him into a vampire… at the same time trying to figure out if you have feelings for me, which is weird, because I kind of think of you like a dad… not that you're all that old or anything… well I mean technically you are, but…_

"No, not really," I mumbled.

Carlisle turned away from the microscope, eyeing me intently. "You can, you know… talk to me. I'm your friend, and I would never betray your confidence."

I smiled at him. "I know. Thanks."

A question had been nagging at me for days, but I'd been nervous to ask it. Considering it thoughtfully, I bit my lip and the proverbial bullet. "Carlisle, why did you go to the suffrage march… _really_."

He avoided my eyes. "I told you. I wanted to support the cause."

I folded my arms across my chest, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. He continued to work, but eventually gave in to my silent persistence.

"I just wanted to make sure you were all right," he said finally. "The boy may be pushy and overprotective, but he was right that those marches can be dangerous."

"The boy? You mean Edward."

Carlisle shrugged.

"So you went all the way to Springfield just to keep me safe?" I asked, worried about what that could mean.

He nodded. "Well… and Eleanor, of course," he added.

"Of course," I repeated, a little relieved. Eleanor was important to him… and I was arguably his closest friend. It made sense that he'd want to protect us. That was part of who Carlisle was, after all.

"Thank you," I said quietly.

He nodded again as he packed the rest of the slides away. "Any plans for the weekend?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Not much," I replied. "I'm going to watch Edward's track meet on Saturday."

Carlisle hummed noncommittally, but I noticed his jaw tighten slightly.

"He's very fast," I added, gauging his reaction. "He's qualified for the regional meet in five events."

"Good for him," he said tightly.

I sighed. "You really don't like him, do you? I know the few times you've met him he hasn't really been at his… best. But he's really a decent guy, Carlisle. Why can't you trust me on that?"

Carlisle rubbed his forehead, squeezing his eyes closed. "I do trust you, Bella… and it's not that I don't like Edward. In truth, I hardly know him." He paused, finally looking at me. "It's just that I think you could do so much better."

His words brought Edward's back to me.

"… _he might be better for you… than me."_

"And what – or who, exactly – would be better?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know, Bella," he answered after a moment, his golden gaze intent. "But you are a special person. You deserve someone who will honor that… who will respect that and not want to change that.

"I hope you're not settling for an ordinary life… because you are anything but ordinary."

I didn't really know what to say to that. "Thank you," I murmured, embarrassed. "That's really sweet of you to say. But Carlisle, Edward is an amazing person. He's smart and funny and really kind-hearted. I think you'd like him if you just gave him a chance. I would really love it if you could be friends."

Carlisle took a deep breath, his face unreadable. "All right," he said finally. "I'll try." A mischievous grin quirked his lips and he added, "But if he hurts you, I'll be forced to go after that boy.

"And he'll have to be _very_ fast to outrun me." He smirked and I laughed, the tension in the room finally lifting.

x-x

The air was crisp and clear on the Saturday morning of Edward's track meet. Tom had planned to go with me, but was called into work at the last minute, so I was on my own. Samantha was going to be there, though, and we planned to meet at the stadium. The sun was bright, the dew still sparkling on the grass as I made my way from the "L" stop to the field, following the directions Edward gave me.

As I rounded the corner a block away, I could hear the shouts and grunts you'd expect at a sporting event. The field came into view, and I saw the athletes warming up in the grassy oval – some stretching, jogging, or taking easy throws of the shot or discus. I searched the bodies, but didn't see Edward at first, so I turned to approach the wooden bleachers on the "Home" side of the track.

I spotted Samantha waving at me from halfway up the wooden stands. I held my skirt up as I climbed the stairs, a longing for my comfy jeans and Nikes passing fleetingly through my mind. Samantha was bubbly as ever and hugged me tightly when I reached her.

"Did you have any problems getting here?" she asked worriedly.

"Not at all," I replied. "Edward gave me very detailed directions."

Samantha grinned. "I can imagine." She turned toward the field and pointed. "Did you see him? He's right out there at the long jump."

I followed her finger and spotted the familiar mop of bronze. My heart skipped a beat and my hair stood on end when I took in Edward in his track uniform. Like the rest of his team, Edward was dressed in red shorts and a matching singlet with a wide white diagonal stripe. I'd expected the shorts, of course, but had been unprepared for the full impact of seeing _more_ of Edward than I ever had before. His arms and legs were lean and muscled, flexing powerfully as he stretched, jumping up and down a few times and rolling his neck.

_Holy shit._

I forced myself to rein in my horny thoughts as Edward took off down the long runway toward a sand pit. A few feet before the pit, he flew into the air, twisting a bit before landing in the sand and falling forward to his knees. An older man, who I assume was his coach, approached to talk to him, motioning to the sand as Edward nodded.

"That's just a practice jump," Samantha explained. "They'll be starting any minute though."

I scanned the stands quickly. "Don't Edward's parents come to his meets?"

Samantha's brow creased. "Yes, they're usually here. I haven't seen them today, though. Maybe they had another commitment."

Samantha told me their team, from Lake View High School, would be competing against two others – Englewood in purple and white, and Hyde Park in blue and white. Englewood was thought to be the stiffest competition, having won the state championship several times over the past few years. After a few minutes, the teams lined up on the field and the spectators stood, everyone facing the American flag flying at the north end of the track. A marching band took to the track, playing _The Star Spangled Banner_ , then a man with a megaphone led everyone in the Pledge of Allegiance.

As we sat back down, I noticed a group of girls leaning over the rail at the bottom of the bleachers. A few waved red and white pennants, and as Edward looked toward the stands, they squealed and giggled.

"They come to see Edward," Samantha clarified with a roll of her eyes.

I watched them wave at him, and Edward nodded back with a small smile. "Fangirls," I muttered.

"Fangirls?" Samantha repeated, then she laughed. "I like that! It's perfect."

Edward, meanwhile, was scanning the stands. When his eyes lit on me, his smile widened and he raised his arm to wave. I waved back, returning his smile before he turned to jog back to the long jump runway. I noticed the fangirls watching me, suspicion and curiosity in their eyes. I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out and instead just smiled at them before turning back to Samantha.

"So it seems like things are going well with Tom," I prompted.

Samantha beamed. "Yes, it's going very well," she said. "Tom is so wonderful. He's so supportive of me. He even stood by my side when I told my parents about going to nursing school."

"How did they react?"

Samantha shrugged. "They were surprised at first, but more receptive than I thought they would be," she said. "And I think the fact that Tom was there with me finally won my father over. My father loved Edward and was very disappointed when I first started seeing Tom. But he told me he was impressed that Tom would stand up to support me."

"That's wonderful, Samantha," I enthused, turning back to watch Edward at the long jump.

"And…" she encouraged.

"And what?"

Samantha huffed. "And how are things with Edward?"

I blushed. "Good… I think," I told her. "It's difficult to tell with Edward."

Samantha laughed. "That's true," she agreed. "But I can see he's very taken with you. It's all over his face when he looks at you."

"You think so?"

She nodded. "Definitely."

Encouraged, I turned back to watch Edward in the long jump. He took his three jumps, then jogged over to the starting line for the hundred-yard-dash. The racers all crouched down, fingers spread along the starting line. I held my breath at Edward's intensity. Even from where I sat I could see his eyes focused on the finish line, his muscles tensed in anticipation and ready to spring into action. As the starter raised his pistol, the racers straightened their back legs, and when the shot rang out, Edward burst forward. Watching him run was thrilling – the exhilaration on his face reached out and carried me right along with him. The race was over in seconds, with Edward pulling forward and winning by a full stride. I released my breath in a long sigh as he slowed, jogging back to his coach and accepting a pat on the back. I caught his eye as he looked up toward the stands again and flashed him a thumbs-up. He grinned before turning back to his coach.

"Bella!"

I jumped at the familiar sound of Alice's voice. My hallucinations, dreams, visions… whatever you wanted to call them, usually happened when I was alone, but on those occasions when I heard or saw her in public, I had gotten better at camouflaging my reaction. She'd taken me by surprise this time, however.

Samantha was looking at me with concern on her face. "Are you all right?" she asked.

I nodded. "Fine… fine…" I said distractedly.

"Bella!" Alice called out again, sounding like she was sitting right next to me. I fidgeted nervously, muttering, "Not now, Alice…"

"Who's Alice?" Samantha asked.

I bit my lip. "Oh, just a girl I know… "

"Can you hear me?" Alice asked.

I looked around frantically. "I think I need to find the ladies room," I said finally.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Samantha started to stand.

"No!" I exclaimed. At her shocked look, I added, "I'll be fine. Can you watch Edward and let me know what happens when I come back? I don't want to miss anything."

Samantha sat back down, still looking a little confused. "All right. If you're sure…"

"Bella, if you can hear me, answer me!" Alice commanded.

"I'm sure!" I said to Samantha, a little too loudly, before hurrying down the bleacher steps. I walked toward the ladies' room, then ducked around the side of the building to continue my nervous breakdown. I stood there for a moment, listening carefully before I called out tentatively, "Alice?"

"Bella!" Alice's voice sounded relieved. "Where are you?"

"Can you hear me, Alice?" I asked, wondering if I'd finally lost my mind.

"Yes… yes I can hear you. Are you all right?"

I expelled a loud breath. "I'm fine. God, Alice, it's so good to hear your voice… I mean, I've been hearing it for a while, but it's good to be able to talk back to you." I shook my head, realizing I was babbling. "How is this happening? What's going on?"

"I'm not sure," her voice answered. "I've been searching for you for a while…" Alice's voice began to fade.

"Alice?" I called frantically. "Alice, I'm losing you!" Maybe she was going into a tunnel or something.

"Bella?" Alice called, her voice growing fainter. "I'll keep trying, Bella… don't worry!" she exclaimed before her voice evaporated.

"Alice? Alice?" I cried out loudly.

"Miss?" A young man appeared at the corner of the building. "I heard yelling. Is everything all right?" he asked with concern. I stared at him blankly for a moment, then a second man joined him. They exchanged a worried look before turning back to me.

I blinked. "Yes… yes, I'm fine," I said finally, offering them both a small smile. I came out from around the building, trying to collect my frazzled nerves. The men were still watching me carefully, so I forced myself to relax and widen my smile. "I'm fine. I was just looking for a friend of mine." I waved toward the bleachers. "She's probably back in the stands already, so I'll just go find my seat."

I started to walk away and the men fell into step with me. "Are you sure you're all right? You looked pretty upset." I glanced at the men and decided they appeared relatively harmless. One was tall and thin, with dark hair and glasses. The other was a little shorter and more muscular with lighter hair and the beginnings of a moustache. "I'm Hal," the taller one offered, extending a hand. "He's Al," he said, pointing to the other guy.

I stifled a giggle. "Hal and Al?"

Hal rolled his eyes. "I know it's ridiculous, but we've been friends for years. We're used to all the jokes." He grinned and Al piped up, "And you are?"

I smiled. "Bella. Nice to meet you both." I looked toward the field and noticed Edward was watching me and my companions as we approached the bleachers. He did not look too happy. I expected them to leave me at the bottom of the steps, but they followed me up the bleachers and when I sat down next to Samantha, they sat one step up, behind us.

"Ummm… this is my friend, Samantha," I said awkwardly. At Samantha's raised eyebrows, I added, "This is Hal and Al."

"Oh, we've met," Hal said. "We all go to the same school." The boys and Samantha exchanged greetings before Al turned to me. "I thought your friend's name was Alice?"

I gulped, ignoring the three confused looks and turning back to the field. "Different friend," I said simply. I noticed Edward watching me intently as he stood with some teammates, waiting for his next event. Eleanor's advice came back to me.

_Find a way to be with Edward around other men. You need to make him jealous, without him realizing what you're doing._

I knew I was supposed to feed that jealousy, but I just couldn't do it… I couldn't flirt with Hal or Al… especially with Edward watching. It just wasn't my style. Besides, I think I've established the fact that I suck at flirting anyway.

It didn't seem to matter, though. Their mere presence seemed to affect Edward. For the most part Samantha and I ignored the two guys, only answering questions politely when we were addressed directly. Edward was focused during his races, but in his downtime between events, I'd feel his eyes on me and look down to see him watching us all closely.

Edward did well in the next few events. After winning the hundred handily, he won the two-twenty by a narrower margin, and came in second in the long jump. When he lined up at the starting line for the low hurdles, Tom appeared, jogging up the steps to sit next to Samantha. He eyed the two guys seated behind us and Samantha introduced them.

When the gun sounded starting Edward's race, we all jumped to our feet, cheering. I noticed Edward's fangirls waving their pennants violently as they watched him run and jump. I could hardly blame them. Edward running and jumping was a sight to behold. He was fast, of course, with an easy grace that made his leaps seem effortless. One of the Englewood runners was keeping pace with him, though, and we shouted louder as they leapt over the last few hurdles, leaning toward the finish line. It was so close, we couldn't tell who had won until a judge at the line held up Edward's hand in victory. The crowd erupted in cheers, the fangirls jumping up and down as Edward's wide grin split his face.

Still clapping, we took our seats. Then Tom leaned over to speak to Samantha and me. "I can't stay, I'm afraid," he said. "I have to be back at the office at one o'clock. I was hoping to steal Samantha away for an early lunch."

Samantha glowed, but she looked at me with trepidation. "Oh, I can't leave Bella here all alone…" she began.

I waved her off. "Of course, you can," I told her. "I'm hardly alone… and I'm sure Edward can give me a ride home when the meet is over."

"Are you sure?" Samantha asked, but she was already half-standing.

I laughed. "Of course I am… go and have fun." She hugged me briefly before she and Tom left the stadium. Of course, I had momentarily forgotten about my pals Hal and Al… (I know!)… until they stepped down to sit on either side of me.

"So," Hal began, "you know Masen?"

"Yes, I know Edward," I replied, pointedly looking toward the field. I didn't want to be rude, but Edward was watching me with a scowl on his face. This was not good.

Al seemed to notice as well. "He doesn't seem to like us talking to you," he commented, chuckling lightly.

"Yes… well… Edward is always looking out for me," I explained. "Are you friends with him?" I asked, more out of curiosity than anything else. I knew little of the Edward they knew… the student… the jock…the Big Man on Campus, apparently.

Hal nodded. "Oh, we've known Edward for years," he said. "We all play football together."

"Edward plays football too?"

Al spoke this time. "Sure… football… basketball… but track and field is his forte," he said. "The guy does it all, really. A natural athlete, a straight-A student, student government… it's kind of annoying, actually." He laughed loudly and Hal reached behind me to smack his shoulder.

My eyes were drawn back to the field as Edward competed in the high jump… then the high hurdles… and finally the pole vault. I blushed a little, remembering my fantasy about attacking him on the landing pad. Hal and Al kept me company, and surprisingly, I enjoyed chatting with them. They were both perfect gentlemen, and joked with each other as much as they talked to me. When the meet finally ended, I spotted Edward walking toward the stands. I stood to go meet him, excusing myself to step past Al. They both stood and followed me down, much to my chagrin.

Edward was accosted by the fangirls once he made it up to the bleachers, though. He smiled and chatted with them briefly, and I felt a curl of jealousy twist in my stomach. His eyes flicked up to meet mine and he shrugged sheepishly.

_Back off girls._

Finally, he extricated himself from the web of girly squeeing and walked over to me. He glanced over my shoulder at Hal and Al, his jaw tightening slightly. "You were so great!" I grinned at Edward, trying to dispel the tension. "Congratulations!" I exclaimed, hugging him tightly around the neck. His arms circled my waist and I reveled in the feeling of Edward holding me. It was amazing.

"I'm glad you could make it," he said with a smile, when he finally pulled away, taking my hand in his. "Hey guys," he said, nodding at them. Staking his claim. I, meanwhile, was smiling smugly at the fangirls still staring longingly at Edward's back.

Yeah. I know. Petty.

"Masen," Hal and Al both replied, nodding curtly. "We were just keeping your girl company," Hal said, smiling at me.

"Yeah," Edward said with a wry smile. "I appreciate that."

"So," Al piped up, "are you both coming to the party later?"

Edward reddened slightly and he flashed me a glance. "Ah, no. I don't think so."

"Aw, come on Masen," Hal challenged. "Don't you want Bella to have some fun?"

"I don't think Bella would enjoy a party like that," Edward replied shortly.

"A party like what?" I asked, curious.

"Edward's just afraid you'll see he can't hold his liquor," Hal joked.

Now this was interesting. I couldn't help but wonder if a little alcohol could be the secret to getting Edward to let loose a little. I know, it sounded sordid – and a little backward – me trying to get my boyfriend drunk so I could take advantage of him.

But hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. And I didn't want to get him sloppy drunk… just a little tipsy and relaxed.

"It sounds like fun," I declared with a smile at Edward. He gaped at me for a moment.

"See?" Hal laughed. "She thinks it sounds like fun."

"Are you sure?" Edward asked. "These parties can get pretty wild."

"I think I can handle it." I smirked at him. "Can you?"

Hal and Al howled at the challenge in my voice and Edward's eyes narrowed.

"Just give me a few minutes to shower and change," he said before planting a firm kiss on my mouth, directing a glare at his friends, and walking away toward the locker room.

x-x

We stopped for a bite to eat at a little café near Lincoln Park. The party was at a large house about a half a mile away – on the other side of the park from Edward's neighborhood. The house, from the outside, was surprisingly quiet. But once we walked inside, I saw that high school parties hadn't changed that much in a hundred years. The place was packed, with music playing on a phonograph in a back room where several couples were dancing. Most of the guys, and a few of the girls, were sipping from beer bottles, or drinking a clear liquid that I was pretty sure wasn't water. Edward told me they had to keep the party quiet. The house was in an area that was supposed to be dry, so they didn't want to draw any attention to themselves. Not to mention that the host's parents were out of town for the weekend, and there would be hell to pay if the police showed up.

See, not that different from a hundred years later.

Edward held my hand, leading me back toward the kitchen, nodding and greeting people along the way. He was popular, it was easy to tell, and got a lot of pats on the back and congratulations for his victories at the track meet.

"Masen!" A huge blonde man greeted Edward as we entered the kitchen, reaching into a large tub to pull out two bottles of beer. "Great job today, Edward. Let me buy you a drink." The man's words were slurred slightly and it was obvious he had sampled quite a bit already.

"Thanks Louie," Edward said, taking the beers, popping the tops and handing me one with arched eyebrows. I took it with a shrug, taking a small sip.

"Don't get used to that," Louie warned, swaying a little on his feet. "Looks like it'll all be illegal soon." He turned to Edward, throwing an arm over his shoulder. "Then what will we do, huh? What will we do?"

I giggled. "Make gin in the bathtub?" I suggested.

Louie looked at me through bleary eyes for a moment before erupting in laughter. "What a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Bathtub gin!" He stumbled away through the crowd, still laughing.

"Gin in the bathtub?" Edward asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

I shrugged. "It could work."

Edward chuckled, taking a long drink from his bottle and pulling me back into the room with the phonograph. We stood watching the couples dance for a while, then he bent down to speak in my ear.

"Do you want to dance?" he asked.

I choked. "Ummm… I don't dance," I replied.

"Not ever?"

"No," I stated. "I'm not really good at it."

"Maybe you just never had the right partner," he joked, and for a moment I was drawn back to the prom, when Edward let me dance while standing on his feet. The thought made me smile.

"Maybe you're right," I said, and he pulled me onto the makeshift dance floor.

The rest of the party was fun overall. We danced a few times, and Edward was a patient and encouraging partner. We chatted with some of Edward's friends, and he seemed to finally relax. Of course, that might have had something to do with the fact I kept trading his half-empty beers with full ones. I tried to follow Eleanor's advice, touching Edward frequently, but subtly, stroking my thumb over his hand… or touching his arm when I laughed… that kind of thing.

It seemed to be working, as Edward kept me close to him all night, and more than once I caught him watching me intensely, his jade eyes dark.

On the negative side, Edward's possessiveness seemed to be directly proportionate to the amount of alcohol in his system. He grew increasingly irritated when a guy would smile at me or say hello, and when Hal approached and asked me to dance, I thought Edward was going to take his head off.

"Edward, what's the matter with you?" I hissed at him, as Hal walked away, stunned. "He just asked me to dance. I wasn't even going to accept!"

Edward turned angry eyes on me. "You didn't see how he was looking at you!" he growled. "He wasn't just asking for a dance!"

"You're being ridiculous!" I pulled my hand from his, crossing my arms across my chest.

"I'm being ridiculous?" he repeated. " _I'm_ being ridiculous?" his voice rose.

"Edward, keep your voice down," I said through gritted teeth, grabbing his arm to pull him out the front door and to a shadowed area next to the porch. "You've got to get a handle on this jealousy of yours," I ranted. "It's driving me crazy!"

"It's driving _you_ crazy?"

"Why do you keep repeating what I say?"

"Because I can't believe you're saying it!" Edward yelled, his face flushed. "Bella, why can't you see it? Why can't you see what all of them see…" he waved his arm back toward the party.

"All of who?" I asked, confused as hell.

"Them! Men!" he exclaimed. "They all want you!" Edward's voice dropped slightly as he stepped closer to me. I stepped back, bumping against the front of the house. "And they can't have you!" he shouted possessively

"They don't want me, Edward. You're imagining things," I said calmly, trying to relax him. I reached out and took his hand. "And I definitely don't want them."

He took another step toward me and leaned in, so close I could see the swirls of color in his eyes… greens from bright to dark, as well as a few flecks of gold. He was breathing heavily, and his one hand tightened on mine as the other lifted to stroke his fingers gently down my face.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, "and you don't see it at all."

"Edward," I whimpered as his warm breath floated over my face.

"I can't stay away anymore," he whispered apologetically.

"Then don't."

I closed my eyes as he leaned in closer, brushing his lips softly over mine once… twice… before descending forcefully with a low groan. I released his hand, trailing mine up and over his shoulders, finally entwining them in his glorious hair. He gripped my waist firmly, pressing me back against the cool bricks at my back. His lips moved over mine possessively and finally… blessedly… I felt the tip of his tongue brush over my lower lip.

I moaned, opening my mouth and entwining my tongue with his. Heat flared in my core, spreading up and out to every inch of my body as I clung to him. He moved even closer, pressing his body against mine, and I gasped at the shock of feeling him… all of him… hard and firm and perfect. I broke away, tilting my head back, trying to breathe, and he moved his mouth to my neck, planting wet, nibbling kisses along my collar bone.

"Edward," I whispered, barely able to form words. He raised his head, meeting my eyes, and I was shocked at the wild lust I saw there. Edward was totally out of control.

Goodbye, respectable gentleman. Hello, horny teenager. Glad to see you.

He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me even closer, and twisted his other hand in my hair, dragging me back to his mouth.

Not that I went unwillingly. Our teeth clashed as we tried to get closer… to climb into each other's skin, if that were possible… and I found myself wondering just how far he would go.

Suddenly, Edward released me and stepped back, swaying slightly with a startled look on his face. I panted heavily, confused and aroused and wondering what the hell had just happened.

"I'm sorry," Edward began and my temper started to flare, thinking he was going to apologize for "molesting" me again.

That wasn't his intent, however… and the apology was preemptory, evidently… because a moment later Edward turned abruptly from me and puked his guts out in Louie's hydrangea bush.

 _Terrific_.

The one good thing about watching your boyfriend throw up – if there is a good thing about watching your boyfriend throw up – is that you don't have to hold back his hair. You do, however, have to help him to his car. You also have to avoid his kisses, because even though you like to kiss him, his breath is… well… pukey. Then you have to convince him to let you drive him home.

"Bella, you're not driving my car," he said, his voice slurring slightly. I hadn't noticed just how drunk Edward was. It must have hit him all of a sudden. Or maybe I was just too wrapped up in having my way with him to notice.

"Edward, you can't drive home like this. It's not safe," I cajoled, opening the passenger door and helping him inside. He must have been really drunk, because he didn't seem to care.

"You're so pretty," he mumbled.

"Thank you," I murmured, avoiding his breath as I shut the passenger door.

I sat down in the driver's seat and tried to remember Edward's instructions on the day he drove me home after Samantha's birthday party. I remembered I had to do something with the lever on the steering wheel. I wiggled it tentatively, glancing at Edward.

His eyes were closed and he snored lightly.

No help there.

So, I just held my breath and pressed the foot button. The car roared to life, startling Edward a little.

"What are you doing?" he asked, looking around in confusion.

"I'm taking you home," I replied, shifting the car into gear.

"Your home or my home?" Edward teased. I glanced at him and he was wearing a lecherous grin.

_God. I'd created a monster._

"Your home," I said, but Edward didn't hear me. He'd fallen asleep again.

I held my breath, letting the clutch out slowly while pressing down on the accelerator. With a horrendous grinding of gears, the car lurched forward. I winced, glancing at Edward again, but he didn't stir.

I opted to stay in first gear the whole way to Edward's house, rather than run the risk of stripping the gears. We rocked along slowly with other drivers passing me by – but surprisingly, no one flipped me the bird or anything.

Maybe they didn't know how to do that yet.

When I pulled up in front of Edward's house, I struggled over what to do. If I knocked on the front door, and Edward's father answered, I really didn't want to answer any questions about what happened tonight. Plus, I worried about getting Edward in trouble.

I eyed the porch swing thoughtfully, wondering if I could just leave him there. It was a pretty warm night. It wasn't like he was going to catch pneumonia or anything.

Edward solved the problem, though. When I went around to help him out of the passenger seat, he hugged me clumsily.

"Are you going to come inside with me?" he asked.

"Edward. I can't do that," I explained carefully. "I don't think your parents would approve."

"They're out of town," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. "They'll never know."

Relieved I wouldn't come face to face with his parents, I reached into Edward's pocket to get his house keys. He leaned heavily on my shoulder all the way up the front walk, leaning down to plant a wet kiss on my cheek.

"Are you taking me inside?" he asked, hiccupping as I unlocked the door.

"Yes, Edward," I replied, walking into the house. "Where is your room?"

He directed me up the stairs and we walked down a hallway to a room at the end. I opened the door and we staggered through, Edward taking a few steps before collapsing on his bed, face down. I sighed, moving toward him to pull off his shoes and he rolled over, pulling me down on top of him swiftly. I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering if he wasn't quite as drunk as he led me to believe.

"Edward, I should go," I said, pushing up from the bed.

"Wait, just a minute," he asked quietly, his words still a little garbled. "Stay with me just for a minute."

Edward closed his eyes, tucking me under his chin and stroking my hair gently. "I love your hair," he murmured. "It's so soft."

I thought he had fallen asleep and was just about to get up to leave when he spoke again.

"They all want you, you know. But they can't have you," Edward barely whispered. "You're mine." His breathing evened and I realized he had drifted off, so I stood quietly, reaching down to brush his crazy hair out of his eyes. He whimpered lightly at my touch, making me smile. I bent down to plant a soft kiss on his cheek, then on his mouth.

"Yes," I murmured. "I'm yours."

x-x

The drive home took longer than expected. I didn't want to risk the walk to the "L" so late at night, so I left Edward a note and took his car. I figured after everything that had happened, Edward could figure out how to get to the boarding house to pick it up. I was getting better at driving, though, and even managed to shift gears a few times before I pulled to a stop in front of Maggie's.

Everyone was already asleep, so I made my way up to my room quietly, not even bothering to wash my face before collapsing into bed. I slept, heavily and dreamlessly, until shortly before dawn.

"Bella!"

God. Why couldn't Alice ever let me sleep?

I moaned, rolling over and pulling my pillow over my head.

"Bella!"

"Alice," I mumbled. "I'm really tired. It's been a long night."

"Bella, wake up!" Alice said firmly.

Too firmly.

Hesitantly, I pulled the pillow from my face and my eyes moved around the dimly lit room. I started when I saw Alice standing in front of the dresser, looking at me intently.

"Alice?"

She looked so… _real_.

Shocked, I reached over to turn on the bedside lamp and was surprised to see that, for once, Alice didn't vanish. I got up on my knees, moving to the end of the bed, my hand outstretched.

I expected my fingers to meet only empty air, my latest vision disappearing once again before my eyes.

But it didn't.

Instead, I reached out – and touched… _flesh_.

"Alice?" I repeated, falling back on the bed in amazement that she was actually standing before me.

"Bella? What in the world is going on?" Alice took a step toward me, but her attention was caught by the movement in the mirror above the dresser. She leaned forward, examining her reflection, then turned back to me, an irritated look on her face.

"And why the _hell_ do I have this ridiculous bow on my head?"


	16. Of Big Bows and Birthing Babies

" _ **I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is."**_

_**\- Alan Watts** _

**Chapter 15 – Of Big Bows and Birthing Babies**

The bow really was ridiculous.

It was huge, white, and heavily starched with sharp, crisp edges. The ends of the ribbon wrapped down around Alice's head, holding back her hair, which was longer than I remembered it.

"I mean seriously?" Alice ranted, glaring at her reflection. "I look like Minnie Mouse!" She threw her hands in the air for emphasis before tearing the bow from her head and throwing it onto the dresser.

I gaped, still unable to form words. My visions had somehow taken physical form, and Alice was standing in front of me. Either that, or I had completely lost my mind.

Which wasn't totally out of the realm of possibility.

Still afraid she was going to disappear, I got up on shaky legs and walked toward her, reaching out again with a finger to touch her. When she still seemed solid, a sob escaped my throat and I wrapped her in a trembling hug.

"I can't believe you're actually here!" I exclaimed. "I mean, how did you get here? What's happening?" Now that I'd found my voice I couldn't stop asking questions. I pulled back, holding her shoulders. "Does everyone know I'm here? _Am I_ really here?"

Alice held up her hands. "Whoa! Hold on a second! First things first… are you all right?" she asked, concern creasing her brow.

"Yes… yes, I'm fine -" I broke off when I noticed something… strange.

"Alice," I murmured, "your eyes…"

She turned to look in the mirror again and I watched her in the reflection. She blinked twice, squinting at herself, and both of us gasped at what we saw.

Alice's eyes… were _gray_.

She reached up tentatively and pressed a finger to her cheek briefly. The spot lightened for a second, then pinkened to match the rest of her face. She looked at her hand, flexing the fingers slowly, finally grasping that her skin was not pale and bloodless… her flesh not cold and hard…

"Holy shit, Alice," I whispered in awe. "You're human!"

"Wow," she breathed. "This is really weird."

I snickered slightly at the understatement. "I think we passed weird a long time ago."

"So this is what it feels like," she marveled, running her hands down her arms, then across her stomach. It rumbled, and Alice looked at me in surprise. "I think I'm… hungry?" she asked with a shrug.

"Yeah… well, your stomach's going to have to wait a minute," I said, dragging her over to sit on the bed, my head whirling with questions and unsure which one to ask first. "How did this… happen?" I asked finally, waving my hand to indicate her… her arrival… her being human… all of it.

Alice bit her lip in concentration. "I'm not completely sure," she replied. "All I know is I saw you… here…" Her gaze wandered around the room. "…looking like… that…" She gestured at my period clothing. "I wasn't even supposed to be watching you, you know, but the vision just popped into my head… so vivid and strange…" Her eyes drifted away, focused on nothing.

"I just had the strangest feeling that you needed me," she continued, her gray eyes gradually returning to me. "It was so strong. I just _knew_ you needed my help."

"But how did you get here?" I asked.

"I tried a lot of things." Alice shrugged, leaning toward me to explain. "When I was first changed, my visions could be really disturbing. I eventually realized what they were. I was seeing things that would happen… or _could_ happen. But sometimes they'd just sweep over me and it could be really disorienting. Sometimes it was difficult to determine what was real."

"I know the feeling," I muttered wryly.

She offered me a quizzical look, but continued. "As I was looking for my future… for Jasper and the Cullens… I explored a lot of avenues to learn how to focus my thoughts and control my gift. I studied meditation, visualization… herbal remedies." Alice smirked slightly, and I wondered what kinds of herbs she'd tried. "I didn't know exactly where you'd gone, but I knew it wasn't anywhere in the world where I was… or when I was… whatever." She shook her head slightly. "I couldn't just get on an airplane and find you. So I started trying anything I could think of to reach you… on another level or plane, or whatever you want to call it."

"I heard you," I told her.

"You did?"

"Yeah. I thought I was going crazy."

"I didn't know if I was getting through to you," Alice mused. "It's like I would reach out physically and just barely touch you… but then you'd disappear," she explained. "At first I tried to get you to come back… then when that didn't work, I decided I had to get to you.

"Anyway, I finally tried a combination of things, Buddhist and Taoist techniques mostly, along with some astral projection. I thought maybe I'd be able to communicate with you… kind of reach out with my consciousness to contact yours. I had no idea I could actually physically travel to where you were.

"I don't really know how long I was at it, but I ended up… here," she said. "Now the question is: Where is here? And when?" she added.

I sighed, relieved that I could finally share my burden with someone.

"You're not going to believe this…" I leaned forward, an intent look on my face. "…But it's 1918."

She eyed my clothes. "Well, that seems about right. But how did _you_ get here?"

"It's a long story," I began. I explained about the Quileute ritual and the shaman and the mushrooms. Her eyebrow arched a little at that last one, but she said nothing. I told her about how I wasn't sure at first if what I was experiencing was real or not, and some of the things I'd seen and experienced.

A knock at my door interrupted our conversation and we both jumped. I hadn't noticed that while we were talking the sun had fully risen.

"Bella?" a muffled voice called through the door.

"It's Maggie," I told Alice in a whisper, "my landlady. Shit!" I stood quickly. "Just follow my lead, okay?"

Alice nodded and I opened the door.

"Good morning, Maggie," I said with a smile.

She stepped into the room. "Good morning, dear, there's a-" She broke off at the sight of Alice sitting on my bed. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you had company."

"Yes… ummm…" I bit my lip. "This is my… cousin, Alice. Alice, this is my friend, Maggie Oleson."

"Pleased to meet you." Alice rose from the bed and extended her hand with a smile. "I'm so sorry to intrude so early."

"Alice arrived unexpectedly," I started, and Alice jumped in. "There was a fire at my home last night and I had nowhere else to go. Bella was gracious enough to invite me here."

Compassion filled Maggie's eyes, and I felt an instant stab of guilt for lying to her.

"I'm so sorry, dear," she said. "Of course you should stay as long as you've a need." Maggie thought for a moment. "I've got no empty rooms, but I've a cot in the basement I could have Young Tom bring up here," she suggested.

"That would be perfect, Maggie," I replied. "Thank you. And of course, I'll cover her expenses."

Maggie waved a hand in dismissal. "Oh, we'll work something out, dear. Don't you worry about that." She started suddenly. "Good lord in heaven! I'd forgotten why I came up here in the first place. Your young man is downstairs."

Alice looked at me in surprise. "Your young man?" she repeated, her eyes wide.

Crap. Edward. And Alice. Together. Here.

I could feel the fabric of the space-time continuum ripping to shreds around me. Or something equally Star Trekkie and dangerous.

Whatever. I didn't think it was good. But at that moment, I stood frozen in place.

"Bella?" Maggie prompted. "Are you going to get dressed and come down?"

I looked from her to Alice, who shrugged, but I could tell was bursting with questions she couldn't ask with Maggie in the room. I grabbed my clothes to head to the bathroom.

"Any chance you'll stay up here?" I asked Alice hopefully.

She grinned. "Not on your life."

I groaned inwardly and walked out of the room with Maggie. The house was quiet. Jared and Liza had left for the weekend to visit Liza's family, and Maggie informed me that Tom had been called in to work for some reason or another.

"He doesn't look very well," she said quietly as we reached the top of the stairs.

"Who?" I asked, my head still spinning with the latest developments.

"Who? Edward," she answered with a roll of her eyes.

"Oh," I said, finally trying to focus on what she was saying. "Well, he had a bit too much to drink last night."

"Ahhh." Maggie nodded in understanding. "Well, he's surely regretting that this morning," she said, turning to walk down the stairs.

I turned into the bathroom, dressing quickly, washing my face and brushing my teeth. I went back to my room to put away my nightgown and noticed that Alice was gone.

"Shit!" I exclaimed, dragging a brush through my hair and nearly running to the stairs, stumbling a bit as I descended.

Maggie and Alice sat on the sofa next to each other, sipping tea. Edward sat across from them on a chair, looking like he was about to die.

Or was already dead.

Yeah. He looked bad.

His red, bleary eyes rose as I entered the room and he squinted slightly, as if even moving his eyeballs caused him great pain. He was unshaven and his always unruly hair was even more so, standing up on one side of his head and slightly flat on the other. It was a little damp, as though he had hurriedly tried to wet it down and comb it, but finally gave up. He was dressed in the same clothes from the night before, rumpled and disheveled.

And in his shaky hands he held a bouquet of pale, pink roses.

He stood slowly, running a hand through his hair nervously as I rounded the sofa to sit in the other chair.

"Bella!" Alice said brightly, turning toward me with raised eyebrows. "We were just having a lovely chat with your friend here… Edward, right?" She turned back toward him and I wanted to smack her.

Edward nodded, uttering a low agreement in a raspy voice.

"I knew an Edward once," she said thoughtfully, tapping her lips with a fingertip. "Looked a little like you, actually."

"Alice…" I said in a warning tone.

Maggie's eyes moved around the group, speculative but confused. They finally landed on me and I tipped my head toward Alice, willing her mentally to get her the hell out of the room. Maggie seemed to get the message and stood quickly.

"Alice," she said briskly, "perhaps you could help me in the kitchen for a moment?"

Alice rose, narrowing her eyes at me slightly before turning to Edward. "Nice to meet you, Edward," she told him, before following Maggie out of the sitting room.

Edward grunted, then cleared his throat and called out after her, "Nice to meet you, too." I heard the back door slam a few moments later and realized they had gone outside.

It was silent for a moment and Edward finally sat back down, his eyes on the roses in his lap. "Oh, these are for you," he said finally, holding out the bouquet.

"Thank you." I took the roses, sniffing them lightly. "They're beautiful."

Edward just nodded, his eyes still downcast.

"So," I began, "how are you feeling?"

He huffed, then rubbed his temple absently, squeezing his eyes shut. He opened them, glancing at me sheepishly. "Not very well, to be honest."

I smiled sympathetically. "Yeah, well, you were pretty drunk last night."

He reddened and shook his head. "Bella, I'm _so_ sorry…"

I shrugged. "Edward. It happens. It's not a big deal."

"Tell that to my father," he muttered. "He was _furious_. My parents got home early this morning and noticed my car was missing. My father actually dragged me out of bed. I guess he could smell the evidence of what I'd been doing."

"Oh no!"

Edward winced at the volume of my voice. "I saw your note and told him you'd driven me home and had the car. Of course, that made him even angrier… that I'd treat you like that… that I'd be so irresponsible and disrespectful to you. He likes you a great deal." He offered me a small smile.

"He brought me here right away so I could apologize."

"Edward, there's no need-"

"Of course there's a need," he interrupted quietly. "I don't remember everything that happened, but I remember enough to know I was a complete ass last night." He ran his hands down over his face and finally peeked through his fingers at me. "Did I really throw up in front of you?"

I winced and nodded.

"Aaarrrghh," he moaned. His head fell into his hands and he clutched his hair tightly.

"Look at the bright side," I said cheerfully. "I finally got to drive your car!"

The side of his mouth lifted briefly. "I _must_ have been drunk to let that happen." His expression sobered and he stood up and paced the room, his fists clenched tensely. "I really am very sorry, Bella," he said finally, his face earnest. "I behaved so… so terribly. I would completely understand if you didn't want to see me any more."

"What?"

Edward's eyes focused on his shoes. "I remember what happened outside… outside the party, Bella," he squeezed his eyes shut and his jaw tightened. "When I think of what I did to you…"

"What you _did_ to me?" I interrupted, irritated. "In case you didn't notice, Edward. I was a willing participant."

He shook his head abruptly. "It doesn't matter. I lost control. I told myself… I _promised_ myself I wouldn't do that again," he said through gritted teeth.

"Oh for God's sake!" I rolled my eyes, throwing my hands in the air. "Would you get over yourself, Edward? So we made out a little. So what?"

Edward opened his eyes, crinkling them in confusion. "Made out?"

Exasperated, I stood and walked over to him. "Kissed… hugged… groped… whatever…" I explained, my hands on my hips. "You wanted it. I wanted it. We did it."

"But I'm supposed to take care of you!" Edward argued, growing visibly frustrated. "I'm _responsible_ for you!"

My eyes flashed at that. "I'm responsible for _myself_ ," I said hotly. "And as for last night, I'm probably more responsible for what happened than you are because I wasn't drunk!"

Edward's voice rose. "Why won't you just let me apologize?"

"Because there's nothing to apologize for!" I shouted.

He leaned toward me and I realized we were almost nose to nose again. "You are so aggravating!" he growled.

"Yeah? Well right back at you buddy!" I muttered before wrapping my hand around the back of his neck and dragging him down to kiss him harshly. Edward didn't fight me. Instead he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close with a low, resigned moan. His lips moved on mine slowly but firmly. His breath filled my lungs and I took him in deeply, growing dizzy… intoxicated. I couldn't get enough of him. We broke apart finally, panting, and I clutched at his hair to keep him from pulling away from me. Instead, he pressed his open mouth to my forehead.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore," Edward murmured against my skin. "I just… I get near you and I'm…swept away."

I ran my lips over his throat and heard him inhale sharply. "It happens to me too," I whispered.

With a sigh, Edward stepped back, but he still rested his hands on my hips. "I don't want to hurt you," he said in a voice that was almost anguished, his green eyes imploring. "I don't want to take advantage of you."

"You'd never hurt me," I reassured him. I lifted my hand to lay it against his cheek, and he tilted his head into my palm, his eyes drifting shut.

"Edward, look at me, please."

He opened his eyes, his penetrating gaze meeting mine once more.

"You have never… _never_ … made me do anything I didn't want to do," I said firmly. "Everything that we've done I've wanted just as much as you… maybe more." A sickening thought hit me and I had to ask him, "Does that disgust you?"

"What?" he asked, incredulous.

"Do you think I'm too… forward?" I asked, my insecurity rearing its ugly head and forcing a blush across my skin. "Does it bother you that I'm sometimes… aggressive with you?" I bit my lip and watched his reaction.

He didn't have one for a moment. His eyes just darted back and forth between mine as if trying to read my thoughts. Finally, a small smile lifted the corners of his lips.

"No, It doesn't bother me," he said quietly. "If I were to be completely honest, I'd have to admit that I like it. I wonder what that says about my character."

"What do you mean?"

Edward shrugged, then shook his head slowly. "I don't even know." He lifted a hand to stroke my cheek gently, his eyes tender. "I'm sorry. I have to go. My father expects me to come straight home."

"Are you going to get in trouble?" I asked worriedly.

Edward looked at me intently. "I think I already am."

He pulled me toward him again and planted a light kiss on my lips. He murmured a quiet goodbye before releasing me and turning to walk out the door. I sat down, staring at the door for a moment and unsure of what to make of our strange conversation.

"Is everything all right?" Alice stood in the kitchen doorway, watching me warily.

I ignored her question for the moment. "Where's Maggie?" I asked.

Alice walked in and sat down on the chair across from me. "She had to go to the market. I told her I'd make sure you were okay."

I nodded absently. "I'm okay."

We sat in silence. I could feel Alice's eyes on me, but I refused to meet them.

She finally exhaled heavily. "Bella, are we going to talk about this, or not?"

I looked at her sheepishly. "Can I choose 'not'?"

"No you can't," Alice said firmly. "What are you doing with Edward?"

So I told her. I told her about my plan to try and save Edward… to keep him from being changed. I told her about working with Carlisle and our strange "no questions asked" relationship. I told her about my misgivings about changing the future… about my belief that I was sent to the past for a reason… about my doubts and fears and hopes and dreams.

I told her everything. And she sat there in silence and listened to it all.

When I was finished, I watched her carefully, trying to gauge her response. Finally, her questions began.

"So you think you can keep Edward from getting sick?"

"I have to try."

"And you plan to take him to some little town, to lessen the risk of exposure?"

"Yes."

"And how exactly are you going to convince him to go with you?"

"Well, that's the tricky part."

"Yeah." Alice took a deep breath. "I can imagine." She sat back in the chair and leaned her chin against her hand. "And Carlisle knows none of this?"

"No. Not about Edward."

"What _have_ you told him?"

"Not much," I admitted. "I've told him a little about the influenza outbreak – just what I know, which isn't a lot, really."

"Does he know that you know what he is?"

My fingers automatically went to my bite scar. "Yeah. I never came out and told him, but he knows."

"And he thinks you're some kind of psychic?" Her lips quirked a little at that.

"Yeah, I guess so." I shrugged. She was studying me carefully, so I asked, "Do you think I should tell him more?"

Alice pondered that for a moment. "I'm not sure," she said finally. "I get what you're saying about not wanting to mess things up in the future… but you kind of already are, aren't you? And you know you can trust Carlisle…" She stood finally, walking across the room thoughtfully. "I think…." She gazed off into the distance. "I think you just have to keep doing what you're doing. Follow your instincts where Carlisle is concerned."

"That's it?" I asked, disappointed. "I was hoping you could give me a little more guidance."

Alice flopped into the chair. "Well, that's all I've got at the moment," she said wryly. "I'm afraid my visions are not really clear. It's kind of strange. Since I got here, I get flashes… hazy images… feelings… but that's all."

"You're human," I pointed out. "You don't have the vamp upgrade to your ability, apparently."

She chuckled at that. "I guess not. It's a little annoying."

I hesitated to ask my next question, fearing her response. "So… what do your feelings tell you… about my plan to save Edward?"

Alice sighed heavily. "I'm not sure," she admitted. "All I know for certain is that whatever happens while I'm here, I'm supposed to help you. What exactly that entails, I just don't know right now."

"But how do you _feel_?" I prodded.

"Honestly?" Her eyes flicked to me and I nodded. "It scares me a little. I mean, you're talking about taking my brother away from me. If you succeed in your plan, I'll never meet him."

My heart sank and guilt twisted in the pit of my stomach. "I know."

Alice reached over and grabbed my hand. "But… I guess I understand," she said sympathetically. "You have to remember, Bella, I saw Edward all those years before he met you. I know what he was like and how he changed when you came into his life.

"I also witnessed first-hand how it destroyed him when we left Forks." This was news to me, and I stared at her in amazement.

A gentle laugh escaped her lips and Alice shook her head a little. "You weren't the only one hurt by that, Bella. Yes, it was his decision, but leaving you was the hardest thing he ever did. I'd never seen him in such pain… such anguish.

"He pulled away from all of us… isolating himself… _punishing_ himself, I think."

"For what?" I asked.

Alice threw up her hands. "For _everything_. For hurting you. For uprooting us. For what he saw as the trouble he alone was to blame for. Edward always was a little over-dramatic." She smirked at that, and I had to smile slightly in agreement.

"He's always thought of himself as a monster," she added sadly. "More than the rest of us, he struggled with the moral implications of what we were. And I think if I were to ask him what _he_ thought of your plan… what he'd do if he had the choice to be with you and live a human life, even if it was a century in the past? I think he'd jump at the chance."

Alice shrugged. "How can I argue with that? It may break my heart…" Her voice caught and she looked away, brushing a hand across her eyes before she turned back to me. "But I have to admit if it were Jasper, I'd do the same thing."

I jumped out of the chair and threw my arms around her. "You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that," I mumbled through the tears caught in my throat. Alice patted my back gently until I got myself under control.

The front door opened and Maggie walked in, carrying a paper bag. I turned aside to quickly wipe away my tears.

"We were out of eggs," she said, hoisting the bag slightly. "It's just the three of us for breakfast, are you hungry?"

Alice's stomach growled loudly and Maggie blinked at her once before bursting out in laughter. "I guess that's a 'yes'," she said, turning toward the kitchen. "Why don't you both come in here and we'll get Alice fed."

We worked in companionable silence, interrupted only by the occasional instruction or request, and prepared a breakfast of scrambled eggs, biscuits and sausage gravy. To my surprise, Maggie said nothing about Edward's early-morning visit and, to be honest, I was glad. I was a little exhausted after all of the deep conversations I'd had already, and the day had barely started.

As we sat at the kitchen table, I muffled a laugh at the ravenous look on Alice's face. She shot me an annoyed glare and we filled our plates.

"Mmmmm…. Oh my God," Alice mumbled through a mouthful of eggs. "This is amazing," she gushed, shoveling in another bite, moaning in pleasure.

"Lord, girl." Maggie chuckled. "You act like you've never had eggs before!"

I giggled and watched as Alice tried a small bite of biscuit, then another – this time dipping it in gravy first, and finally stacking biscuit and eggs precariously on her fork and swirling them both into the gravy before popping the whole thing into her mouth.

"Oh, yes…" she groaned, her eyes rolling back in her head. Alice seemed to finally notice that Maggie and I weren't eating, just staring at her in amusement. She swallowed and grinned sheepishly. "It's really good," she enthused.

We laughed and finished our breakfast, Alice raving about the food the entire time. Tom and the others arrived that afternoon, and like everyone who meets her, they were immediately taken with Alice. She just had a way of making people smile. I'd filled her in on what I'd told them all about my background, and she took it from there. Given Alice's history, it shouldn't have surprised me that she was gifted when it came to making up a backstory. She answered questions easily and directly, and since I was horrible at lying, I just let her.

Over dinner (and between huge bites of meatloaf and mashed potatoes), Alice told my housemates that our mothers, Esme and Renee, were sisters raised in Forks, that we grew up together and were as close as sisters. She even made up a funny story about us dressing my dog up in doll clothes when we were little. Unfortunately, our mothers died of smallpox which they contracted while on a trip to Europe, and Alice ended up moving to Iowa with her father, while I stayed in Forks with mine. Her father remarried and Alice decided to move to Chicago, but didn't realize until she contacted my father looking for me that I was in the same city. It was just fate, she explained, that she'd found out where I was staying, because after the fire she had nowhere else to go.

Everyone murmured their sympathy, but Alice just waved off their pity with a smile. "I'm just happy no one was hurt. And now I get to spend some time with Bella… and with all of you."

I rolled my eyes a little at that, and Alice caught it, but just shrugged.

"Now," she said with a smile. "What's for dessert?"

That night as we lay in bed, my mind swirled with thoughts, keeping me awake. "Alice," I whispered finally, "are you asleep?"

I heard her shift on the cot. "No. You'd think after ninety years of being awake I'd be exhausted, but I can't seem to turn my brain off."

I chuckled lightly, then I felt tears prick my eyes and I asked in a shaky voice, "Does _he_ … know I'm here? Does anybody?"

I heard Alice sigh in the darkness. "No," she replied. "Edward was somewhere in South America the last time I spoke with him. After the first vision, I tried to call him, but I only got his voicemail. I didn't really know what to say, so I just told him you needed help and he had to come home right away. I hadn't heard back from him before I got here.

"Carlisle and Esme had gone to Europe to visit Emmett and Rosalie. Jasper was the only one with me." Her sheets ruffled a bit as she rolled over. "He stayed right there with me as I tried to reach you. I wonder if he's still there, sitting next to me… or if I just disappeared. I hope he's not too worried. I tried to convince him that everything would be all right. And I made him promise not to interfere, no matter what happened."

Something she said caught my attention. "So, do you think our bodies are still there?"

Alice considered that for a moment. "I don't know. I tried to see if I could see you… there. But I couldn't. The visions of you here in Chicago were so clear, but when I tried to focus on you in Forks… all I got was emptiness… nothing… black."

"Maybe I'm dead," I said bleakly. "Or in a coma."

"I don't think so," Alice replied, evidently not surprised that the thought had crossed my mind. "I think I'd know. I think I'd feel it."

That encouraged me a little. "Alice, do you think… Is this… all of this… is it _real_?"

Alice laughed softly. "What is real, Bella?" she asked. "There was an astronomer, Alan Hale, who once said, 'Reality is determined not by what scientists or anyone else says or believes, but by what the evidence reveals to us.' So what does the evidence tell you, Bella?"

I thought about all I'd seen and experienced since I'd arrived in Chicago. The people I'd met… the things I'd done.

"I believe it's real," I said.

Alice was silent at first, but then she replied, "So do I."

The next morning, I took Alice shopping. Yes, _I_ … took _Alice_ … shopping.

I was actually kind of excited about it. Alice really hated the outfit she'd arrived in. Besides the infernal bow, which she still refused to wear, Alice had a navy blue sailor dress with a dropped waist and a wide, white collar with blue piping. A white tie, white stockings, and matching white kid shoes completed the look. I thought she looked cute. Alice said she felt like one of the Village People.

So I decided to take her to Marshall Field's and buy her some new clothes. We had a great time. As I imagined the first time I'd visited the store, Alice was in awe and flitted from department to department, picking things up and trying things on. In the end we got a dress and a couple of skirts and blouses, as well as some underthings I knew she'd need. She thanked me profusely, of course, and I had to admit it was really great to be able to do something nice for Alice, after all the things she'd done for me.

It was a lot of fun watching Alice experience humanity for the first time. I mean, I knew she was human at one point, but she didn't remember anything about her life before she was changed. So everything was new and different to her, and she faced the experience like she faced everything else – with enthusiasm.

As we headed home, a shop across the street caught my eye, and I turned to Alice with a grin.

"What?" she asked, excited already.

"Come with me," I said, grabbing her hand to pull her across the street. "If you're going to be human, there's something you just have to try."

Ten minutes later we sat at a small table in a corner ice cream shop and I set a large banana split in front of Alice. She stared at it with wide eyes before taking the spoon I held out to her. I held my breath as she dipped her spoon into the ice cream, then licked it delicately. Her eyes grew even wider, if that were possible, and she put the spoonful into her mouth, letting the confection melt on her tongue and moaned lightly.

"That. Is. Incredible," she said finally, taking another big bite, making sure to get some banana and whipped cream in the next spoonful. "I can't believe you don't eat this all the time!"

I laughed. "Yeah, well if I did I'd weigh about three hundred pounds," I told her.

"It would be totally worth it!"

We finished the banana split (Alice actually ate most of it) before heading back to the boarding house. I still had to take my afternoon nap since I had to work that night, but Alice assured me she would find something to occupy her time and went into the kitchen to talk to Maggie. I popped my head in to say hello, hoping that she would tell me Edward had called, but he hadn't.

That was disappointing. After our confusing conversation the day before, my feelings were all over the place. I felt encouraged by Edward's physical reaction to me, but also a little worried about the guilt that seemed to eat at him. I worried that I was pushing him too hard, even though he said I wasn't.

I had hoped he would call so we could talk it out, but he didn't.

And he didn't show up to walk me to work that evening.

I waited as long as I could, but finally had to leave in order to make it to the hospital on time. Alice had packed me a lunch and was in the kitchen helping Maggie with dinner. I smiled at how easily she was fitting in at the boarding house. She seemed to notice I was distracted and announced she was going to accompany me to the hospital.

Once we were out of the kitchen, I whispered to her, "I know what you're doing Alice."

"What do you mean?" she asked innocently as we walked out onto the front porch.

"You want to meet Carlisle."

She grabbed my arm, tugging me down the stairs. "Oh, come on, Bella. You know I won't say anything. I just want to see him."

"I don't know, Alice…" I dragged my feet with my head tilted back and my eyes closed as I imagined how this could backfire.

"Maybe I'll get a vision while we're there…" she said airily. "It could help."

"Fine," I said grudgingly. "Just be careful, okay? He's very perceptive."

Alice scoffed. "Yeah, I know, Bella. I have lived with the guy for more than fifty years, remember?"

I rolled my eyes and she linked her arm with mine. "Relax," she said. "It'll be fine. What's the worst that could happen?"

"You jump into his arms and call him 'Daddy'?" I deadpanned.

Alice giggled. "Okay, yeah. That would be bad. I swear I won't do that."

When we arrived at the hospital, I noticed it was busier than normal. There were a few people in the waiting area, but the reception desk was empty, and I could hear clipped voices and loud moans coming from the ward. Alice and I exchanged a nervous glance as we walked toward the open doorway.

Carlisle, Patty, and another nurse were gathered around one of the beds, moving quickly. A pregnant woman lay on the bed, clutching the bedclothes and writhing in pain. Carlisle sat on a low stool at the foot of the bed, and looked toward me swiftly.

"Bella, I'm going to need you in a moment," he said. "Wash your hands… quickly, please."

I rolled up my sleeves and hurried to the sink, scrubbing my hands in hot water. The woman's moans grew louder, becoming nearly screams, and I shuddered slightly at the pain in her voice. I spared a glance for Alice, who was standing in the corner with wide eyes, then made my way to stand by Carlisle.

"That's right, Agatha. You're doing fine," he said in a calm voice. I looked down to see the baby's head peeking out from under a blanket draped over Agatha's legs. The umbilical cord was wrapped around its neck and its face looked strangely blue.

And there was blood. A lot of blood.

I swayed slightly, gripping the edge of the bed and breathing through my mouth to fight off the dizziness. I had never done well around blood, but I willed myself to stay upright. I knew the situation was serious, even without anyone saying so, and I was determined to do whatever I could to help.

"Are you all right?" Carlisle asked in a quiet voice only I could hear over the moans and screams.

"Fine," I replied. "What do you need me to do?"

"Just wait a moment," he said. "Agatha, I need you to stop pushing for a moment, all right. Don't push." He nodded at Patty, who held Agatha's hand, murmuring encouraging words and reminding her not to push. Carlisle looped his finger through the umbilical cord, pulling it up and over the baby's head.

"All right, Agatha," he said loudly. "On the next contraction I need you to push."

"I can't," she replied weakly, and I noticed her eyes start to roll back in her head. Patty grabbed her hand and whispered in her ear. She nodded weakly, and in a moment her face grimaced in pain and a long, low, growl escaped her lips. The baby slid out in a rush and Carlisle caught it in a blanket.

"It's a boy," he said as he quickly cut the cord and wrapped the baby up, handing him to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, gaping at the wriggling mass in my hands.

Carlisle turned away from his patient and addressed me abruptly. "Just take him up to the nursery, get him washed up, and keep him warm." He looked over his shoulder at Agatha. "The mother's hemorrhaging and I need to deal with that right now. Don't worry. The baby will be fine." He turned back to the table and picked up some instruments. Patty and the other nurse moved to assist him, and Agatha let loose another loud moan. I turned to head upstairs, telling Alice she should join me with a jerk of my head.

"Is it always this exciting?" she asked me.

I choked on a laugh. "Uh. No." We walked into the maternity ward and I was disheartened to find only patients in the room, and no nurses to help me with my task. "Alice, do you know anything about babies?" I asked.

"Um… no," she said. "Not really. Sorry."

We found our way into the nursery and I forced a smile. "That's okay. How hard can it be?" We looked around the room and noticed the babies were all wearing little knit caps and wrapped tightly in blankets.

"I'm supposed to clean him up," I said, half-thinking out loud, "but how do I wash him and keep him warm?"

"Maybe we should just wipe off all that… stuff," Alice said, wrinkling her nose.

I nodded. "Okay. See if you can find some towels or something… and we'll need a diaper and a clean blanket…and one of those little hats."

We scoured the room and managed to find all the supplies. I set the baby down gently in one of the bassinets and folded the blanket back a little to clean him up, trying to keep him covered as much as possible. I was relieved that he wasn't crying. He just blinked, his mouth puckered slightly.

"He's so cute," Alice marveled, reaching out with a finger to touch his hand. "So tiny."

I wasn't ready to admire him just yet. I was still nervous about handling him and knew the hardest part was next.

"Where's the diaper?" I asked, taking a deep breath. Alice handed it to me, along with a couple of safety pins. I examined the cloth square, folding it slightly so it would fit between the baby's legs.

I looked at him earnestly. "Okay," I said. "I'm new at this. So I'm sorry if it's not exactly right."

He blinked right back at me. I hoped that meant he understood.

I lifted the blanket carefully, sliding the diaper under his little bottom. But before I could get the first safety pin open, I shrieked.

Because a big stream of baby pee was shooting up into the air… and all over the front of my blouse.

"Crap!" I exclaimed, folding the diaper over the baby's still spurting little peen. I looked over at Alice and rolled my eyes because she was laughing her head off. The baby continued to blink innocently.

I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering if he did it on purpose, then turned my glare on Alice.

"I'm sorry," Alice gasped. "But you should have seen your face!"

I grimaced. "I can't believe that much pee came out of a such a little wiener." Alice howled again and I fought a smile myself.

"Just get me another diaper, please," I said, blotting at my chest with a clean towel. Still giggling, Alice brought me a diaper and this time I made sure to keep all possible bodily fluid sources carefully covered. I pinned the diaper, then added some little wool pants I noticed on the other babies. Alice had just helped me to wrap him up tightly and put his cute little hat on when Carlisle walked in the room.

"How's the patient?" he asked, looking at the baby.

"Fine, I think," I replied. "He hasn't even cried. How's his mother?"

"Resting," Carlisle said as he opened the blanket, examining the baby quickly. "She lost a lot of blood, but she's going to be all right." He used his stethoscope to listen to the baby's heart and lungs, then checked his eyes and ears. "He looks good," he said finally. "You did a wonderful job," he added with a warm smile, wrapping the baby back up and turning from the bassinet.

He glanced at Alice. "No Edward today?" he asked.

"Oh! I'm sorry," I replied, a little flustered. "Carlisle, this is my cousin, Alice. Alice, this is my boss, Dr. Carlisle Cullen." I shot her a warning look, which she ignored, approaching Carlisle with a wide smile and extended hand.

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Cullen," she said.

"Oh, please call me Carlisle," he told her as he shook her hand. "So, you're Bella's cousin?"

"Yes, on my mother's side," I piped up. See, I could do backstory too.

"I'll be staying with Bella for a little while," Alice said. "She told me she's really enjoying her work here. Your research sounds fascinating."

"Well, it can be tedious, but Bella has been a big help," Carlisle replied generously. "Despite her lack of medical training, her insights have been invaluable."

"Uh huh. And you said you've met Edward?"

I groaned inwardly. _Shut up, Alice!_

Carlisle just murmured an affirmation with an impassive gaze. Alice narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"He's a nice guy, isn't he?" she prompted. I glared at her, but once again, she ignored me.

"So I've heard," Carlisle answered, his jaw tightening slightly.

"Alice, you really need to get back to the boarding house, don't you?" I asked, grabbing her arm to drag her from the nursery. Carlisle accompanied us through the maternity ward, and Alice peppered him with questions about his family, where he lived, and how long he'd been a doctor. I guessed she was trying to ask 'normal' questions you'd ask when you first meet someone.

As we descended the stairs to the main floor, and walked out into the waiting room, Carlisle said politely, "Well, it was very nice to make your acquaintance, Alice. I hope to see you again soon."

"You too," Alice replied. "You should come to dinner at the boarding house sometime."

_What was she doing?_

"It would be so much fun!" she bubbled enthusiastically. "Wouldn't it, Bella?"

"Uh… yeah… of course," I said, wondering what she was up to.

"Oh, I wouldn't want to impose," Carlisle protested.

"It wouldn't be an imposition!" Alice waved in dismissal. "Maggie would love it. She was just telling me today that she loves to have guests."

She gave me a pointed look and I added, "Yes. Maggie loves guests. You should definitely come."

"How about Friday?" Alice asked. My stomach knotted, as I wondered how I'd explain this to Edward if he wanted to see me Friday night.

Carlisle looked at me searchingly, and I knew he was trying to determine if I really wanted him to come or not. I planted an encouraging smile on my face, not wanting to hurt his feelings, although I was not at all convinced that this was a good idea.

"All right," he said finally. "I'd love to come."

"Oh, good!" Alice exclaimed, clapping her hands quickly. "Bella will let you know what time, okay?"

She turned to hug me as Carlisle walked over to pick up a file at the reception desk. "I'll see you at home," she said, adding in a whisper, "Trust me."

"Okay…" I replied, pulling back, "and thank you for your help with the baby," I told her. "I was so glad I didn't have to do that alone."

"No problem." She smiled before turning to Carlisle. "What are they going to name him, anyway?"

Carlisle looked up from the file. "The baby? Uh… Peter, I think."

Peter _? Perfect._

Alice and I looked at each other in surprise before bursting out in laughter. We were both still giggling as she walked out the door.


	17. Of Letters and Lauper

_**"All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else."** _

_**\- Buddha** _

**Chapter 16 – Of Letters and Lauper**

Edward didn't call Tuesday… or Wednesday. That's right. Three days with no calls. No visits. No communication at all. Not even a damned postcard.

Sure, I could have called him myself. Both Alice and Maggie wondered why I didn't. But they hadn't seen his face when he left on Sunday morning... hadn't heard the tone in his voice when he talked about his character and wondered aloud if he was in trouble.

I wasn't sure what that meant. I didn't know if he was questioning our relationship or affirming it. But the fact that he hadn't contacted me told me more than anything that he needed some space.

I went from worried, to scared… to hurt, mixed in with a little bit of pissed off.

Then on Thursday, Maggie handed me a plain white envelope addressed to me.

He'd written me a letter.

Alice spared me a glance before joining Maggie in the kitchen to help with dinner, and I tore open the envelope, withdrawing a piece of thick, white stationery folded crisply in half.

_Dear Bella,_

_It seems as though I am always making mistakes and having to remedy them with apologies, when it comes to you. Once again, I find myself in that unfortunate situation. I am so sorry to have left Sunday morning and made no contact since then. After the events of Saturday night, I lost access to my motorcar and have been restricted to my room, with the exception of meals, school, and track practice. My parents were extremely disappointed in me and I find I agree with them in this situation._

_Despite your assurances to the contrary, I did behave poorly and again extend my apologies for that as well._

_Perhaps it is cowardly to put this in the form of a letter, but I find when I speak to you personally, I am unable to think clearly. I decided that it might be better to try to explain myself in writing rather than to telephone._

_I told you before that I have never met anyone like you, and that is true. It is also true that I have never felt for anyone what I feel for you. To be completely honest with you, I am out of my depth._

_I guess I am asking you once again to be patient with me. I care for you, Bella, but I need some time to gather my rather scattered thoughts. I hope you can give me that time, but would completely understand if you decided I was not worth the trouble._

_I am spending all my spare time studying for this week's midterms, and will be in Rockford this weekend for the regional track meet. I hope when I return that we can talk._

_Fondest Regards,_

_Edward_

"Fondest regards?" I grumbled, looking up as Alice walked into the sitting room. "Fondest regards?" I exclaimed, a little louder.

"Not good news?" she asked, sitting down next to me on the sofa. I thrust the letter at her and flopped back on the sofa, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. "He needs 'time to gather his scattered thoughts,'" I said, making air quotes without lifting my head.

Alice was silent as she scanned the letter, and I finally opened an eye to glance at her. She looked off in the distance before turning to face me, tucking one leg under the other.

"I don't think this is bad, Bella."

"No?"

"No," she repeated, looking down at the page. "I mean, he obviously cares for you. He just seems a bit… overwhelmed."

"I've scared him off!" I moaned, folding my arms over my face. "I was too pushy. I threw myself at him. I practically mauled him!"

"Ewww… TMI, Bella," Alice said distastefully. "Remember we are talking about my brother… sort of."

I groaned again and she reached out to pull my arms down. I turned my head to look at her.

"I think you need to take this letter at face value," she advised. "He says he needs a little time. Just give him a little time."

"You think?"

Alice nodded. "You've got to remember he's only sixteen years old, Bella. It's actually pretty amazing that he respects you enough to want to make sure he does the right thing."

I nodded slowly. "I guess you're right."

"Anyway," she said, a smile lighting her face, "I have a feeling he'll come around."

"Is that a 'feeling' feeling… or a 'try to make Bella feel better' feeling?" I asked dryly.

Alice laughed. "A little of both, I think," she said. "He'll come around," she repeated sincerely. "If there's one thing I know about the two of you, it's that you're meant to be together… no matter what the century."

I leaned forward to hug her tightly.

"Besides, with me helping you, that boy doesn't stand a chance!" Alice grinned, pulling back to wiggle her eyebrows, and I couldn't keep from laughing.

x-x

Friday afternoon I woke with a pound of worry weighing down my stomach. Carlisle was coming to dinner, and I still had no idea what Alice had in mind. She just told me she believed he was essential to my plan, and that somehow I had to get him on board. She didn't know how, though.

"When it's time, you'll know what to do," she had assured me several hours earlier as we sat on the front stoop, watching people walk by. "And he will help you… he cares a lot for you… maybe more than he should."

I groaned. "Not you too!"

I had told Alice about Eleanor and Edward's insistence that Carlisle had romantic feelings for me, but I thought she'd understood that our unique friendship had just been misunderstood.

"I know you don't believe it, Bella." She sighed, stretching her legs out in front of her. "You don't _want_ to believe it. But even with my visions on the fritz, I'm pretty sure I'm right on about this one. I don't think Carlisle would ever act on his feelings - not with knowing how you feel about Edward - but he is very protective of you. You're going to need that if you're going to make your plan work."

Alice said she saw me going to him, asking for help. That was it. And she hoped spending more time around him might clarify her vision a little.

I hoped so too, because to be honest, that vision could mean anything. I could have been asking him to help me carry a heavy box or something.

I dressed quickly, walking downstairs to find Alice washing the living room windows. She had taken surprisingly well to life in 1918, helping Maggie with chores around the house while I slept during the day. Maggie fell in love with her, of course, and found her help so invaluable she was only charging me an extra fifty cents a week for rent.

"Need any help?" I asked. Alice turned to me with a smile.

"Sure, if you want."

I nodded and stretched with a slight yawn. "Okay, just let me grab a cup of coffee and I'll be right back."

I wandered into the kitchen to find it bustling with activity. Maggie was bent over the open oven door, basting a ham, while Liza rolled biscuits on the kitchen table. Out the back window I spied Tom and Jared beating the sitting room rugs in a cloud of dust.

"Oh, you're up," Maggie observed, closing the oven door with a bang. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, actually," I replied, walking over to fill a cup from the coffeepot that was always kept warm on the stove. "It smells great in here."

"Well, we can't be feeding your doctor friend franks and beans, can we?" she asked with a wink.

I laughed. "Oh, Dr. Cullen wouldn't mind. He's really not that picky about his food." It just had to be living. And warm-blooded. Probably not the best thing to say to Maggie, though.

"How'd you get Tom and Jared to help out?" I asked instead. I had never seen either of them do a household chore.

"It wasn't a threat," Maggie quickly justified. "More like a bargain."

Liza worked a circular cutter through the biscuit dough. "She told them they could either beat the rugs, or eat porridge for breakfast for the next two weeks."

I shuddered dramatically. "Perish the thought."

Liza laughed. "Yes, well, Jared despises porridge. His mother fed it to him every day when he was a child. Said it would make him grow up big and strong."

"Seems she was right," I commented, eyeing the large man in the yard. He and Tom were laughing and sword fighting with the brooms. Typical.

"Any word from Edward?" Maggie asked. Liza focused studiously on her biscuits, but I knew she was listening. There were no secrets within the walls of the boarding house. Everyone knew everyone's business.

I sighed. "Not since the letter."

Maggie studied me carefully for a moment. "And how are you?"

"I'm all right." I shrugged. "There is a bright side. Since we haven't spoken, I haven't had to tell Edward about Dr. Cullen coming to dinner."

Maggie and Liza both chuckled lightly. I had shared a little with them about the obvious dislike the two men in my life had for each other. Although neither one had witnessed it first hand, they both found it hilarious.

"Do you need me in here?" I asked Maggie. "Otherwise I told Alice I'd help her with the windows."

Maggie scanned the kitchen briefly, then reached into a bowl full of apples and began to peel one with a paring knife. "I think Liza and I can handle things at the moment."

I nodded and took my coffee into the sitting room. Alice had her back to me, scrubbing at a window. I smiled slightly when I noticed she was humming to herself and dancing a little as she cleaned. After a moment, I recognized the tune.

"Cyndi Lauper?" I asked, and Alice jumped, spinning around with her hand pressed to her chest.

"Geez, you scared the crap out of me!" she exclaimed. "I didn't hear you come in. Still need to get used to that," she added in an annoyed mutter.

I laughed. "Yeah, well… welcome to my world," I said, picking up a rag and moving to another window. I dipped the rag in a bucket of vinegar mixed with water and wrung it out, wiping the window with the damp cloth, before buffing it dry with a clean one, trying to eliminate any streaks.

"This sure is easier with Windex," I murmured to Alice.

"Preaching to the choir," she responded.

We worked in silence for a few minutes, then I heard Alice start humming the Cyndi Lauper song again. My mom, Renee, had loved the eighties icon and had all her albums. I remembered listening to them with her for hours, dancing around the living room and singing at the top of our lungs. I couldn't resist and started to sing along with Alice's humming.

" _I come home in the morning light… my mother says, 'When you gonna live your life right_?" I sang quietly, and Alice turned to me with a surprised look that quickly morphed into a smile as she joined in. " _Oh, mother dear we're not the fortunate ones and girls, they wanna have fun… Oh girls just wanna have fun!"_

We looked at each other with huge grins as we started on the second verse, Alice popping up into a high harmony. " _The phone rings in the middle of the night, my father yells, 'What you gonna do with your life?_ '" Alice started bopping up and down, dancing an eighties dance Renee called the Pony. I joined in as our voices got a little louder. " _Oh daddy, dear you know you're still number one… but girls, they wanna have fun… oh girls just wanna have fun!"_

As we started on the chorus, we Ponied around the living room, waving our rags above our heads and singing out, " _That's all they really wa-ah-ah-ah-ant… some fuh-uh-uh-uh-un! When the working day is done… oh girls…_ " We linked elbows, whirling around in a circle, then came to an abrupt halt at the sight of Maggie and Liza watching us from the kitchen doorway. Both wore expressions somewhere between confused and amused.

"What in the world are you girls doing?" Maggie asked, shaking her head with a laughing smile on her face. Alice and I glanced at each other and Alice winked at me, causing my grin to grow in response. We reached out and grabbed their hands, pulling them into the sitting room.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I asked Alice under my breath.

She just shrugged. "It's just a song, Bella. Besides, I think Cyndi would approve," she added with a cheerful flounce.

So we taught them a song that wouldn't be written for more than sixty years. And they loved it. And I didn't feel the least bit guilty.

The four of us whirled around the living room, singing about girls just wanting to have fun. And we were. We laughed and sang and danced, and even though we were born nearly a century apart, I realized that we really weren't that different.

"Okay, big finish!" Alice prompted, and Maggie, Liza, and I started in again on the chorus with Alice accenting each line with, " _They just wanna… they just wanna-ah-ah…_ "

We threw our hands up into the air, finishing the last line with four-part harmony, then erupting into loud laughter.

Accented by the applause of Tom and Jared standing in the kitchen doorway.

Maggie and Liza dropped their hands, brushed their skirts, and patted their hair before walking back into the kitchen silently. They waited pointedly for the two men to move out of the way before they stepped through the doorway. Alice and I picked up our rags and turned back to the windows, sharing a slight smirk before getting back to work.

Finally, I heard a masculine throat clear and Jared said to Tom, "I think boys wanna have fun, too."

I shot a glance at Alice before we both burst out laughing again… and I could hear the same sounds of amusement floating out from the kitchen as well.

x-x

By the time dinner was ready, the boarding house practically sparkled. Every surface had been swept, mopped, dusted, and polished. The fresh scent of Maggie's homemade potpourri lingered lightly in the air and mixed pleasantly with the smell of ham, mashed potatoes, and hot biscuits.

Carlisle arrived promptly at six-thirty and smiled genuinely as I made the introductions. Samantha had joined us as well, and was particularly interested in speaking to Carlisle about the hospital and her plans for nursing school.

"The Illinois Training School is a good choice," he told her as we sat down in the dining room to Maggie's impressive feast. "Once you're finished there, if you're interested in working at County General, I hope you'll come see me. I'll do what I can to help."

"Really?" Samantha's eyes lit up.

"Of course," Carlisle replied easily as he helped himself to some braised radishes. "We are in dire need of nurses right now because of the war. I don't know what the situation will be once your education is complete, but a competent nurse is always in demand."

"That's very kind of you," Tom chimed in. "I know that Samantha will make a fine nurse, but I have to confess I'd feel much more comfortable with her working at the hospital rather than joining the Red Cross."

Samantha smiled at him warmly before telling Carlisle, "He worries about me."

"Rightfully so," Carlisle said, slicing into a piece of ham. I still had no idea what he did with his food, but was trying really hard not to stare. Instead, I ate quietly, my gaze wandering around the table. Alice met my eyes and I arched an eyebrow in silent question, asking if she was picking anything up from Carlisle. She shrugged and shook her head slightly. I continued my perusal of the table and flinched when I saw Alistair regarding me steadily. I quickly looked down at my plate.

The guy really gave me the creeps.

Conversation flowed easily, Alistair being the only exception. He ate silently, and after I caught him staring, he focused on his food and seemed to ignore everyone around him.

Alice, however, would not give up that easily.

"So… Mr. Jenkins," she said, drawing his rheumy-eyed attention. "I understand you're a writer?"

Alistair swallowed his mouthful of food and offered a curt nod in response.

Alice would not be dissuaded, though. "And what are you currently working on?" she asked.

Alistair's eyes narrowed slightly and he said simply, "Nothing of import," before turning back to his food dismissively. Awkward silence hung in the air for a moment, then Samantha asked Alice a question about our childhood and Alice took off on another crazy story she made up on the spot. Before I knew it, everyone was laughing hysterically.

Samantha used her napkin to wipe the corners of her eyes and turned to me abruptly. "Oh, Bella! I almost forgot. Did Edward tell you about the charity ball?"

A knot twisted in my stomach at the mention of Edward. Samantha, evidently, was unaware of our current lack of communication.

"Uh… no… he didn't mention it." I could feel several sets of eyes on me, but remained focused on my plate.

Samantha seemed confused. "That's strange. His mother and mine are organizing the whole thing. I would have thought he'd tell you."

I took a deep breath and looked at Samantha. "Edward and I aren't really… speaking at the moment."

I felt, rather than saw, Carlisle's gaze turn to me sharply. "Really?" he asked.

"Did you have an argument?" Samantha set her fork down, a worried look on her face.

"When don't we have an argument?" I asked wryly. "But no… it was nothing like that."

Alice interjected, "He just needed some time to figure things out."

Samantha shook her head. "What does he need to figure out?" she asked, frowning slightly.

Alice shrugged. "I know, right? It's so obvious."

"He's the only one that doesn't see it." Samantha nodded.

Liza piped up. "Well, he is awfully young. It has to be a little frightening."

Maggie snorted. "Men can be ridiculous creatures."

"Hey!" Tom and Jared said in unison, causing another round of laughter. Alistair continued to spoon applesauce steadily into his mouth.

I looked around the table, mystified as the women communicated something without saying anything. I noticed Carlisle appeared equally confused.

"What are you all talking about?" I asked finally, exasperated.

All eyes turned to me, but Samantha was the one to speak. "The fact that Edward is in love with you."

I choked on a sip of water. "What? Ummm… no… I mean… I don't think so…"

"She doesn't see it either," Alice said in her wise sage voice.

"There's nothing to see… I mean… we haven't even known each other that long," I rambled, blushing furiously with embarrassment. Carlisle was silent, poking the food on his plate.

"It doesn't take long," Maggie pointed out.

Dying to change the subject, I finally said, "Well, whatever Edward feels or doesn't feel is pretty much a moot point since I haven't heard from him in days." Turning to Samantha, I begged her mentally not to push it. "So what's this about a ball?"

Thankfully, Samantha let the subject of Edward drop. "It's in two weeks… on the eleventh," she said. "My mother and Mrs. Masen have been working so hard to make it perfect. The ball benefits the Chicago Orphans Asylum. I know they would both love it if you came… of course all of you are invited," she added, including everyone at the table.

Jared and Liza begged off, saying they would be out of town that weekend. Alistair, in typical Alistair fashion, offered no response. Maggie also declined, evidently uncomfortable with such society functions.

I was pretty uncomfortable myself. I mean a charity ball? It was so… not me.

I looked at Alice and saw the hopeful gleam in her eye. She wouldn't go without me. But she really, really wanted to go.

"I don't know," I said finally. "I can't afford to make a large donation… and I don't think I have anything appropriate to wear."

Samantha waved a hand, brushing off my concerns. "Oh, don't worry about that. You and Alice will be my guests. We'll help serve punch or something if it will make you feel better." She tapped a finger to her lips. "You're about the same size as my mother. I'm sure we can find you a gown… and Alice can wear one of mine."

I hesitated, wondering if Edward would be there. The awkward phase in our relationship had me questioning what I would do the next time I saw him. To be honest, I was a little ticked at him… and a lot nervous about what was going on in his mind. Had he decided I was just too much of a hassle? Or was he once again backing off in an attempt to protect me… this time guarding my reputation instead of my life?

Regardless, with a look at Samantha's hopeful face, I decided I couldn't let her down. And if I ran into Edward at the ball, so much the better. I'd give him until then to work out whatever it was he had to work out… then I was going to take matters into my own hands.

"Okay," I agreed, "but I'm not dancing."

Alice rolled her eyes and Samantha chuckled. "Of course you're dancing… but we'll talk about that later." She turned to Carlisle. "How about you, Dr. Cullen? Will you join us?"

Carlisle smiled. "I would love to. Unfortunately, I have plans to visit a colleague in New York that weekend. We've been corresponding regarding our influenza research, but thought it would be beneficial to meet in person."

"Oh, that's too bad," Samantha replied. "We'll certainly miss you." She then turned to Alice and they started talking about ball gowns.

"Dr. Kelley?" I asked, turning to Carlisle as I remembered the colleague he'd mentioned before.

Carlisle nodded and faked a sip of his water. "Yes. I'm going to be bringing my samples from Europe so we can compare them to the ones he's gathered."

"Has something happened?" I asked quietly.

He hesitated, glancing around the table to ensure we wouldn't be overheard. "It's spread to Spain."

I inhaled deeply, taking that in. I'd already told Carlisle that whatever mutation or evolution caused the influenza virus to become even more deadly happened during the outbreak in Europe. More than a hundred thousand would die in Spain… and because Spain was not involved in the war and had not imposed wartime censorship, it would hit the newspapers. All the attention would lead to the disease being dubbed the "Spanish Influenza".

"How bad is it?"

Carlisle shook his head. "I don't know yet. Jonathan has better sources than I do in Spain. But I thought between the two of us, we might be able to make some progress."

"What are you two whispering about?" Maggie asked, as she rose to clear the table. Automatically, I stood as well, picking up my plate, as well as Carlisle's.

"Oh, nothing," I said, "just shop talk."

"Shop talk?" she repeated, a curious look on her face.

"You know… talk about work…" I balanced the plates on one hand and grabbed the bowl of radishes with the other.

"But you don't work in a shop." Samantha stacked a few plates and followed us into the kitchen.

"Yes… I know… it's just a figure of speech," I said, feeling a little weary.

Maggie hummed as she picked up a stack of dessert dishes and handed them to me. She carried a gorgeous apple pie into the dining room and set it on the table with a flourish. Samantha and I finished clearing the dinner dishes as Maggie cut wedges of pie and passed them around.

Alice, as usual, descended on the treat with gusto. "Oh, Maggie, this is delicious," she murmured appreciatively.

I reached over her shoulder to get the bowl of potatoes and whispered in her ear laughingly, "Better than elk blood?"

Alice giggled and I grinned at her before turning back to the table. I nearly dropped the dishes I was holding at the look of undisguised astonishment on Carlisle's face as he gazed back and forth quickly between Alice and me.

Why did I never remember he could always hear me?

I looked away quickly, and carried the rest of the dishes into the kitchen, setting them on the counter. Taking my seat and avoiding Carlisle's gaze, I took a bite of apple pie without tasting it. Conversation continued around the table, and I exchanged a nervous glance with Alice as Carlisle leaned over to speak quietly in my ear.

"Elk blood?"

I paled, floundering with how to respond. "I beg your pardon?" I said, my voice cracking.

"You heard me."

I took another sip of my water. "It was just a stupid joke."

"If you say so," Carlisle said disbelievingly, "but why is it funny?"

Good question. My eyes flew to Alice's in a panic… and God bless her, she flew to my rescue.

"When Bella and I were kids," she started, drawing the attention of the table, "my older brother… Emmett… used to torture us mercilessly. He loved to tell us scary stories about monsters… things that go bump in the night."

That was hitting a little too close to home. My eyes widened in warning, but she continued.

"One day… we were probably around seven or eight… Emmett found us playing in the woods behind Bella's house. He told us there was a big hairy monster, with claws and fangs, that lived in the trees… that it wanted to eat little girls." Chuckles broke out around the table and Alice smiled. "I know, horrible, wasn't it? We were terrified.

"He told us the only way to protect ourselves was to drink a potion made with elk blood. He had a glass with him and he held it up in the light. It was filled with a bright red liquid. It was only Kool… I mean… red fruit juice… but Bella and I completely believed him. He handed the glass to me and I was so scared and disgusted, but even more afraid that the monster was going to get me… so I took a drink.

"Well, it tasted pretty good and I looked at Bella to tell her that, but she was paler than I'd ever seen her. Before I could say another word, she'd turned around and… got really sick in the bushes. She ran back home and told her mother and Emmett got in so much trouble.

"So ever since then it's been kind of a running joke in our family that I love elk blood. It's sick, I know, but…" Alice shrugged, taking another bite of apple pie. "And this pie is definitely better than elk blood."

Everyone laughed and I stole a glance at Carlisle and saw he was smiling at Alice's story.

Man, she was good.

I finished my pie as the conversation continued around me, relieved that Alice's quick thinking had taken the pressure off. Until Carlisle leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Don't think for a minute I believed that ridiculous story."

When I turned to look at him, he was poking at his pie, his expression impassive. I sighed but said nothing, and eventually he turned to me, his eyes soft.

"One of these days you'll realize you can trust me, Bella," he said, a little sadly. "I hope it's soon."

My pie sat like a lead weight in my stomach as I nodded.

"Soon," I replied.

x-x

That night, it was Alice who had the nightmare.

I awoke to the sound of tossing and turning coming from the cot across the room. I made out a low gasp and a whimper before I called out softly, "Alice?"

She didn't respond, so I got up to walk over to her bed.

Alice had pushed the blankets onto the floor and as I approached, she thrashed violently and cried out. Her face was damp with perspiration, her expression severe.

"Alice?" I said louder, touching her shoulder. When she didn't rouse and seemed to get even more agitated, I grabbed her shoulders, shaking her.

"Alice… wake up!"

With another loud cry she sat up straight, her eyes flying open. She blinked a few times, looking around the darkened room in a daze and breathing heavily.

"Bella?"

I exhaled. "You were having a bad dream," I explained. "Are you all right?"

She brushed her damp hair back from her face. "Yes… yes, I'm okay now," she said, trying to catch her breath. "But… it wasn't a dream, Bella… I… I think it was a vision."

I turned on the small lamp beside her cot and sat down next to her. "What happened?"

Alice narrowed her eyes in concentration. "All I remember was… an alley… it was dark. There was a man… and you were there…"

"What man?" I asked. "Edward?"

She bit her lip. "I didn't see his face. He was in shadow… all I could make out was his silhouette." She flopped back on the bed. "This is so frustrating! All I have are scattered images: the man… you… the alley… a piece of wood… an iron gate… but I don't know what it all means."

I sighed. "Just relax," I encouraged her. "What do you remember about what we were doing… or how you felt… or were you even there?"

Alice took a deep breath. "I don't know if I was there. And I didn't see you _doing_ anything… there were just flashes. But I felt… I felt… like there was danger… like you needed my help. I felt… fear." She looked at me in concern. "I'm sorry… I wish I could tell you more," she said, her arm falling across her face.

"Alice, it's all right," I consoled her. "I know you're frustrated, but vampire or not, I also know I should trust your visions."

"There's not much to go on."

I chuckled. "No, but I now know to stay away from men in dark alleys."

She lifted her arm and rolled her eyes. "Like that's a great revelation!"

I smiled. "Relax, Alice. I know enough to be careful… and I will. Plus, you're here to help me, right? So I'm in good hands."

Alice turned on to her side, propping her head on her hand. "I hope you're right. I haven't felt very helpful lately. It seems my visions just raise more questions, instead of providing answers."

"You have to stop being so hard on yourself," I chided. "You're human now, so you can't expect your visions to be as clear as when you were a vampire. And I'm sure things will make more sense with time."

I got up to head back to my bed and Alice turned off the light.

"Carlisle is suspicious," she said finally.

"Yeah, I know."

"You're going to have to tell him something at some point."

"I'm open to suggestions," I replied.

I heard Alice sigh heavily. "Well, as soon as I have one, I'll pass it along."

x-x

The days passed with still no word from Edward, and on Tuesday afternoon Alice decided to attend a suffrage meeting with me. We arrived in the church basement to find Eleanor waiting for us a few rows from the back. Alice loaded up at the refreshment table before we made our way to our seats.

Seriously, the girl ate like a horse.

We sat down next to Eleanor, and I introduced her to Alice just as the meeting was called to order.

The meeting itself was actually more compelling than the others I'd attended. The ladies were discussing the merits of tabling suffrage work in light of the increasing tensions in Europe. The room was pretty much evenly divided between those who wanted to continue on as they had been, and those who thought the group should focus on the war effort.

"Our boys are over there and we need to be doing our part," an older woman spoke above the argumentative voices. "It just makes us look like selfish harridans to keep on talking about the vote when the war is a much more immediate concern."

A chorus of agreement, mixed in with a few dissenters greeted her statement.

"But we've come so far," a blonde woman with glasses argued. "If we back down now, we could lose everything. The Senate vote is just a few months away."

Two women stood up, trying to talk over each other, the louder one finally winning. "All the more reason for us to change our tactics," she said. "Look at what's happened in Great Britain. Years of protesting and violence only led to a stalemate with Parliament. The government was afraid of the suffragists because they saw them as terrorists!"

A loud protest erupted, but the woman held her hand up to silence it. "But once the war started, they started focusing their attention there – volunteering to help the war effort… taking up jobs that were left behind when their men went to fight. And look where it got them – they got the vote in January – something we still have yet to do!"

"Is it always this exciting?" Alice asked between bites of her cookies. Her eyes were wide and sparkling, taking in the discussion with rapt attention.

"Not always," I admitted, "but it is pretty cool, isn't it?" Alice was the only one who could truly understand how I felt about taking part in the movement… seeing history with the perspective of someone from the future.

She just nodded and kept chewing.

The arguing continued for a while before a vote was called. In the end, the majority agreed to increase their work for the war effort while still maintaining letter-writing campaigns to keep the pressure on Senate representatives. All marches, rallies, and other activities that might be portrayed as violent or anti-American, however, would be set aside. When the discussion turned to what types of volunteer work the group would participate in, Eleanor piped up.

"Knitting socks?" she murmured to me. "Can't we come up with something a little more significant?"

I chuckled lightly, shrugging. "I imagine when you're in a foxhole in Russia and your feet are freezing, socks seem pretty significant."

She smiled. "I suppose you're right." After a moment, she leaned a little closer to me. "So how are things progressing with your young man?"

I sighed heavily. "Well… slow at the moment." I told her about everything that had happened – my disastrous attempt at showing my leg at the café and Edward's near-concussion… Edward's apparent jealousy at the track meet… the party… the morning after the party… the letter I had received nearly a week before.

"I _thought_ things were going well, but now? I hope I haven't pushed him too hard and ruined everything," I said quietly.

"Oh, I doubt that," Eleanor said knowingly. "I'd say Edward is just coming to terms with his feelings for you, and I can guarantee you'll hear from him very soon."

I looked at her curiously. "How in the world can you know that?" I asked.

She laughed. "Turn around."

Confused, I turned in my seat to look behind us. Edward sat in a chair against the back wall, watching me intently with his hands clenched in fists on top of his knees. He seemed tense… almost nervous.

I turned around quickly, unsure of how to respond. "What's he doing here?" I asked, half to myself.

Alice leaned toward me, her eyes still on the discussion at the front of the room. "Who?" she asked.

"Edward," I hissed, and she turned to me with a start. When I jerked my head to the back of the room, she glanced over her shoulder, then back at me, a smug smile filling her face.

"Told you he'd come around," she said.

"You think?" I asked hopefully. A part of me feared he had come to let me down easy, although why he'd choose a suffrage meeting to dump me eluded me. Maybe because it was a public place where I'd be less likely to make a scene?

Didn't he realize I'd make a scene anywhere?

"Of course," Alice affirmed, taking a bite of a little sandwich. "Did you try these? They're amazing," she asked through the food in her mouth.

I shook my head at her, my stomach erupting in butterflies. I snuck another peek behind me to see that Edward was still watching me. He offered me a tentative smile, and I couldn't help returning it before turning back toward the front of the room.

Throughout the rest of the meeting I was wildly aware of Edward's gaze on me. I could feel it like a green laser beam focused on the back of my head… or more like a tractor beam, pulling me toward him.

Yeah. I know. Too much Star Trek.

Finally, after a little more discussion and a vote that I missed entirely, the meeting was adjourned. The women filed out, a few stopping at the refreshment table to nibble and chat. I sat frozen in my seat, Eleanor and Alice looking at me warily.

"Well?" Alice prodded. "Are you just going to sit there?"

"What do I say to him?" I asked.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Bella," Eleanor said, shaking her head. "He came all the way here and is sitting back there looking like a lost puppy. Obviously, _he_ has something to say to _you_. Go talk to the boy."

She turned to Alice. "Why don't I give you a ride home, honey," she said, "and we'll let these two figure things out?"

Alice looked at me searchingly, and when I gave her a small nod, she told me she'd see me back at the boarding house and got up to leave with Eleanor. I sat there for a moment longer before taking a deep breath and walking slowly back to where Edward still sat at the back of the room. He stood as I approached, running his hand nervously through his hair. Despite my own anxiety, I couldn't help but smile at the familiar habit.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"Hi," he responded with a half-smile.

"What are you doing..." I began.

"I'm sorry I haven't…" he said at the same time.

We laughed and he told me to go first.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

He looked away for a moment, considering. "I wanted to see you… to talk to you. I went by the boarding house first, and Maggie told me you'd be here. I suppose I could have waited until the meeting was over, but I guess I wanted to see what all the fuss was about." He shrugged, apparently a little embarrassed. "I wanted to understand why it was so important to you," he added.

That surprised me a little, but I decided it was something we'd have to come back to. "What did you want to talk to me about?" I inquired instead, feeling a little encouraged by the gentle look he was giving me.

He sighed. "I'm not sure where to begin."

I looked around the room and noticed that it had almost emptied. Only a couple of women remained, packing up the refreshment table. I grabbed Edward's hand, pulling him down to sit beside me on the chairs lining the back wall.

"Why don't you start with the letter?" I asked, a slight iciness coloring my tone.

Edward flinched. "I was worried that might make you angry, but I didn't know what else to do."

My eyes narrowed. "Oh, I don't know… talk to me? A phone call? Something to indicate that you weren't blowing me off?"

He looked at me, confused. "Blowing you?"

Even though he had no idea what he was saying, I blushed involuntarily at the sexual connotation. "Not blowing me… blowing me _off_ … umm… ignoring me… discarding me… you know?"

"Oh," he said, his face taking on a shocked expression. "I would never do that, Bella," he said earnestly. "I couldn't."

"How was I to know that, Edward?" I asked, trying to rein in my frustration. "You come by the boarding house and kiss me... then you get all 'I don't know what I'm doing anymore' and leave… then I get that letter… then… nothing. What was I supposed to think?"

He stood abruptly, walking a few steps away before turning back to me and running his hands over his face roughly. When his eyes met mine, they were agitated. "I thought I explained it in the letter. I just… needed some time to think."

"Think about what?" I stood to approach him. "What's wrong, Edward? Please… talk to me." I reached out to take his hand, linking my fingers with his. I noted absently that the other ladies had finished packing away the food and left.

He rubbed his thumb against mine gently. "I felt… so guilty after what happened at the party," he began, his low voice echoing in the empty room. At my expression, he added quickly, "I know you said I shouldn't have, but I did. It's just the way I am… the way I was raised," he explained.

"I did wonder if it might be better if we didn't see each other anymore." My heart sank at his words and a lump formed in my throat. "Not because I didn't want to be with you…" he clarified, "but because I really didn't know if I could control myself around you. You bring out a side of me that even I had never seen before. To be honest, it frightened me a little. To feel so out of control… so… impulsive and volatile… it was… unnerving."

He looked down at our joined hands. "But at the same time it was… exciting. And there were times when we were together that I felt so…" His eyes went to the ceiling as he searched for the right word. "…I don't know, _warm_ , I guess. You made me feel warm… and happy. I just had all these conflicting emotions that I didn't know what to do with. I thought maybe if I put some distance between us things would become clear again… that I'd get back to the person I was before."

I'd listened silently, but at the intent look on his face I had to ask, "And what happened?"

He laughed humorlessly. "I was miserable," he admitted, "and I realized I don't want to go back." He gripped my hand tighter in his, and reached out with his other to stroke my cheek with the backs of his fingers. "I _can't_ go back."

My breath caught as he leaned in toward me. "I _won't_ go back," he whispered, before his lips brushed mine. I whimpered slightly at the delicate contact and his hand moved to cup my cheek, tilting my head back slightly. His mouth hovered over mine as his thumb brushed over my lower lip, pulling it down gently as his dark emerald eyes bored into mine.

"Edward," I murmured, and his lips descended once again, sending heat rushing along the surface of my skin.

Where my kisses with Edward had before been either chaste pecks, or full-on, adrenaline and hormone-powered lip-locks, this one was completely different. Edward was not out of control, but instead his kiss was determined… demanding… and unrelenting. His firm lips slanted over mine and I exhaled into his mouth on a moan. He released my hand, sliding his fingers slowly up my arm… then my neck until he held my face tenderly between his palms. This was not a kiss of frustration or anger… or even lust. Instead, I felt… almost worshipped. It seemed like he poured every ounce of passion and emotion he'd been suppressing since we'd met into that kiss. The intensity was overwhelming and I grew lightheaded, holding his arms to keep my balance.

When he finally pulled back, we were both panting and I was tingling… well… everywhere. It was a few moments before I could even open my eyes.

"Wow," I breathed, "what was that?"

Edward smirked and leaned in to kiss me once more gently.

"That," he said, "is going forward."


	18. Of Hot Kisses and Horrifying Visions

_**"For after all what is man in nature? A nothing in relation to infinity, all in relation to nothing, a central point between nothing and all and infinitely far from understanding either. The ends of things and their beginnings are impregnably concealed from him in an impenetrable secret. He is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness out of which he was drawn and the infinite in which he is engulfed."** _

_**\- Blaise Pascal, Mathematician, Physicist, and Philosopher** _

**Chapter 17 – Of Hot Kisses and Horrifying Visions**

Still reeling from Edward's kiss, I let him lead me out of the church basement and into the cool evening. The weather in Chicago was so temperamental… almost summer-like one day and windy and rainy the next. It was the last day of April, and as I huddled in my coat, I realized it felt more like November.

I had almost an hour before I had to report to the hospital, so Edward suggested we get a cup of coffee to warm up. He held my hand tightly as we walked down the street, stroking my thumb absentmindedly.

"So, what did you think of the meeting?" I asked and he turned to grin at me, swinging our arms playfully between us.

"It was… interesting," he replied. "To be honest, I didn't really hear much. I was rather… distracted." He winked at me, and I blushed and turned to look at the sidewalk.

"I didn't realize how much thought and planning went into it, to be honest," Edward continued. "There's actually a strategy involved: Deciding how to proceed to best influence public perceptions… judging the effect of world events on the whole process… the politics of persuasion. Quite fascinating.

"I do believe there's a chance you suffragettes might get what you want," he said, flashing me a teasing smile. "You're definitely determined."

I jerked his hand slightly, knocking him off balance a little. "It's not just about politics and public relations, you know. We do have right on our side."

Edward chuckled. "Yes, I guess I'm starting to see that," he admitted.

"Finally!" I said with an exaggerated roll of my eyes.

"Don't get me wrong," he added, "I'm not entirely convinced that a constitutional amendment is necessary. But it does seem unfair to deny women the vote… and if the states aren't willing to correct that…" Edward shrugged.

"I believe there may be hope for you yet." I smiled at him and he laughed.

"Perhaps," he said as he held the door open at the coffee shop.

We sat at a quiet table in the corner and sipped our coffee, chatting about what had been going on for the past week.

"Oh! How did you do at regionals?" I asked.

Edward nodded. "Pretty well…" he said. "I got third in the long jump… second in high hurdles… but I qualified for the Tri-State meet in the hundred, two-twenty, and low hurdles."

"Edward, that's fantastic!" I enthused, grabbing his hand. "Where's the meet?"

"It's in Milwaukee," he told me, his eyes on our joined hands. "Unfortunately, it's the same weekend as my mother's charity ball." He glanced up at me. "I'm sorry. I had hoped to escort you, but I can't."

I was disappointed, but tried not to let it show. "Oh, it's fine, Edward. I was planning to go with Alice anyway."

"You were?"

"Yes," I explained. "Samantha told us about it last week at dinner. I think we're going to help out serving punch or something."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Just be careful. If you let my mother know you're willing to volunteer, she'll have you working all night."

I laughed. "That's okay. I don't mind. I'd rather help out than dance."

Edward smirked. "I thought you'd gotten over your aversion to dancing."

"Well, only with the right partner," I replied.

Edward turned my hand over on the table and began tracing lazy designs on my palm. "I wish I could be there," he said in a low voice.

 _Holy crap._ His touch was doing crazy things to me. It felt like tingles were shooting out of his fingertips and through my entire body.

"Me too." My voice cracked and I swallowed deeply.

He shot a quick glance around the room, then lifted my hand to his lips, kissing my palm softly, then trailing up to kiss the inside of my wrist, his eyes focused intently on mine. My breath caught and I fought the moan in the back of my throat. His mouth was hot on my skin, and I shivered at the contact.

"Are you cold?" he asked, lifting his lips slightly, but not releasing my hand.

I couldn't speak. Words would not form. My brain had collapsed into a big ball of lusty mush. So I just shook my head.

Edward chuckled, then the bell over the door rang as another couple walked into the coffee shop. He set my hand gently back onto the table, running his fingers across it softly before releasing it.

"We should probably should get you to the hospital," he said.

I blinked. "What?"

Edward smirked. "The hospital? It's almost six o'clock."

"Oh," I said, still not entirely grasping what he was saying. "Oh! Yes… I need to get to work." I stood on wobbly knees, steadying myself on the table as Edward paid the bill.

He took my hand again as we walked the block to the hospital. Then, to my surprise, he pulled me into the alley where he had confronted me about Samantha weeks before.

"What are you-" He cut off my question with a searing, earth-shattering kiss.

_Oh. My._

Edward held my chin firmly in his hand and at my gasp of surprise, plunged his tongue into my mouth. There was no reluctance this time… no apparent guilt or worrying about my reputation. He held me prisoner with his kiss… a willing prisoner, begging for more delicious torture.

He was ready to oblige.

As his mouth devoured mine, I felt his hand gripping my waist. It trailed slowly upward and my body heated. Then lightly… ever so lightly… his thumb brushed over my breast.

I burst into flames.

My hands flew to his hair, gripping it tightly and pressing him even more firmly to me. I couldn't tell where the moans were coming from… him or me… but we came together in a wild clash of heat and pleasure… of passion and yearning. He moved toward me, and I felt the brick wall pressing at my back… Edward just as hard and unyielding before me.

God, I wanted more.

We broke apart, desperate for breath, but still clinging to each other tightly.

"We have to stop," Edward panted.

"Why?" I asked, still dazed and craving.

Edward peppered kisses on my face and my eyes fluttered closed. "Because…" _kiss on my neck_ "…someone…" _my cheek_ "…will see…" _my nose_ "…us…" He planted another light kiss on my lips before resting his forehead on mine.

"And despite the fact I'd like to continue doing that for hours," he continued, "you need to get to work. And you _don't_ need someone seeing you being compromised in an alley." I worried that Edward was feeling guilty again, but his face was relaxed and he smiled lazily.

Apparently things had changed a bit in the past week.

Not that I was complaining.

Edward stepped back and grabbed my hand, walking me to the hospital door. He held it for me, kissing my knuckles lightly before letting me go.

"Goodnight," he said, dazzling me again with a crooked grin. "I'll see you tomorrow.

I smiled at him dreamily. "Night."

I couldn't get over the change in Edward. If this was him moving forward, I was all for it.

I just hoped I could keep up.

x-x

Over the next few days, Edward and I got back into our old routine where he would come by after track practice and walk me to work… the only difference being our little forays into the alley next to the hospital to say goodnight.

I really loved saying goodnight.

Alice was excited, and a little smug, since she predicted Edward would come back after he had a little time to think things through. She still wasn't sure how she was supposed to help me with my Edward plan, but we spent many a late night talking about our situation and what it all could mean.

"What do you think Jasper's doing right now?" I asked Wednesday night as we were lying in bed.

Alice sighed. "I don't know. I hope he's not worried."

"He's got to be. You've been gone almost two weeks!"

I heard Alice roll over. "But it's not the same there."

Surprised, I sat up. "What do you mean?"

"I thought you knew this," she murmured, half to herself.

"Knew what?"

"Bella, how long had you been in Chicago before I got here?" she asked.

I figured in my head for a moment. "About a month and a half, I guess."

"I had my first vision of you here only a few hours before I finally got through," she told me. "Who knows? I might have actually seen you here before you even left."

"What?" I was stunned. "How can that be?"

"Well," Alice explained, "the past is the past in the future."

"Oh, that clarifies a lot," I said wryly.

Alice laughed. "I mean… I think it's all the same. Any point in the past is the same when you look at it from the perspective of the future."

Still confused, I waited for her to continue.

"Think of it like this," she said. "If you think of the timeline as a really long piece of string, every event in time has a spot on that piece of string. You following so far?"

"Yeah…"

"Okay, so what happens if you crumple up that piece of string into a little ball?"

"Ummm…" I replied, "…all the events touch each other?"

"Exactly," she confirmed. "Every event in the past is just as close to the present as every other. So even though _we're_ going along that string, moving from event to event…"

"In the future… or present… it's all crumpled up into a ball?"

"Right!"

"I still don't think I get it," I confessed.

"It's just a theory," Alice admitted. "But the point is even though time's going by for us at a normal pace, it looks like you haven't been gone as long as you thought in the future."

I groaned. "God. Time travel is complicated."

Alice laughed. "Well, if it was simple everyone would be doing it."

We were quiet for a moment, lost in our thoughts.

"Alice, can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Are you… here… somewhere?"

She didn't ask me to clarify, so I knew she had obviously been thinking about it too. The _other_ Alice. The Alice who lived in 1918.

"Yes," she said quietly. "I think we're both here, which is a little strange when you think about it."

"There's nothing about this that _isn't_ strange," I countered. "Have you thought about… do you think you'd want to… I don't know… go see… you?"

"No," she said firmly.

"You're not even curious?" I asked.

"No."

"Maybe you could do something," I offered. "If you found your parents, maybe you could talk to them or something."

Alice sighed. "What would I tell them, Bella?"

"I don't know," I said. "Maybe you could say something to make them realize that you don't belong in a loony bin, for one thing."

"You think I haven't thought about going to find them?" she asked. "But it's in the past, Bella. I don't even remember it. And if I did anything to change what's happening to me - the me that's in an asylum in Mississippi right now – it could make things better for right now. But it would also mean I'd never be changed… I'd never find Jasper or the rest of my family. That's not a risk I'm willing to take."

I absorbed that for a moment. "I get that. It's just hard to think of you out there right now, suffering."

"Yeah," Alice agreed, "believe me, I know. But take it from me, it's a sacrifice worth making."

x-x

Alice decided to accompany me to the hospital Thursday evening on the pretense of seeing baby Peter one last time. Well, it wasn't all pretense. We'd both grown attached to the little guy, his penchant for peeing aside. Because of complications, his mother Agatha had to stay in the hospital a few extra days, but she was doing better, and the following morning both mother and son would be heading home.

Of course, the _real_ reason Alice wanted to go to the hospital was to see Carlisle. She didn't yet have any clarification as to how he was supposed to "help" me, and still believed if she could spend more time with him it might give her some additional insight. She also couldn't hide her excitement at spending a little time with Edward and getting to know the human version of her brother.

Edward was cordial and pleasant. Ever-polite, he greeted Alice with a smile before taking my hand and kissing me gently on the cheek.

I was a little less enthusiastic. Selfishly, I enjoyed having Edward to myself… not to mention I was pretty sure we wouldn't be making our little side-trip into the alley with Alice coming along.

Who knew I was such a horndog? Still, I could hardly deny Alice time with Edward… especially since I could be taking him away from her forever.

Sure, that thought haunted me. But Alice continued to assure me that she didn't hold it against me. I did occasionally catch her with a sad and faraway look in her eyes though, and I wondered if she was thinking about the brother she was losing.

For the most part, though, Alice was Alice – cheerful, bouncy, and encouraging.

Oh, and hungry. She was pretty much always hungry.

She munched on a bag of popcorn as the three of us walked leisurely down the sidewalk, offering Edward and me a handful. I peeked into the bag and wrinkled my nose.

"What's that all over it?" I asked.

She licked her fingers and swallowed before answering. "Chocolate."

I looked in the bag again. "You broke up a candy bar and put it in there?"

Alice shrugged and pulled out a dripping glob of popcorn and chocolate. "You were the one who gave me the idea. You said popcorn was great with M&Ms." She shoved the mess in her mouth, licking melted chocolate off her thumb.

I grimaced. "Yeah, but M&M's have the candy shell… you know, 'melts in your mouth, not in your hand'? It's not nearly as messy… or as…" I watched her cram another handful of the goop into her face. "…disgusting."

"What's an M&M?" Edward asked, startling me. For a moment, I'd kind of forgotten he was listening.

Yeah. I did that a lot.

I was the world's worst time-traveling protector of the future.

"Ummm…" I started, really not having a clue what to say.

Luckily, Alice had swallowed and piped up. "It's this candy my mom used to make. Chocolate, covered in a crunchy sugar shell."

 _Why hadn't I thought of that?_ Sometimes the best lies were the simplest ones, I guessed.

Edward just shrugged in acknowledgement, smiling softly at me before turning to watch where he was going.

"So, Edward," Alice began, ignoring my nervous look. "How's school going?"

Edward seemed a little surprised at her interest. "Fine… thanks."

"Uh huh," Alice said distractedly. "And how do you like living in Chicago?"

"I like it, I suppose," he responded. "I've never lived anywhere else, so I don't really have anything to compare it to."

"Mmm hmmm," she said. "Ever thought about living in a small town?"

I frowned at her, but she gave me a wide-eyed "What? I'm trying to help" look.

Edward missed it, thankfully. "Small town? I've never thought about it. Why?"

Alice grabbed another piece of popcorn. It had cooled, so was a little less goopy and gross. "Small towns have a lot to offer," she said before popping it into her mouth. "You get to know your neighbors… lots of friendly people… great place to raise a family…"

I groaned inwardly, rolling my eyes at her. _Laying it on a bit thick, aren't you?_ I shot a sideways glance at Edward and noticed his ears had turned pink. It took a moment for me to realize it was the reference to raising a family.

"I guess so," Edward agreed slowly. "Although the city provides a lot of opportunities you could never have in a small town."

Alice huffed. "Oh, but the city's full of crime… I mean look at all the gang violence… and there's the Black Hand Society in Little Italy… and Big Jim Colosimo has moved in… it's just trouble waiting to happen!"

Edward and I just gaped at her.

She groaned. "Don't you guys ever read the paper?" she asked in frustration. "The Black Hand's been running an arson and extortion ring for years… and now Colosimo, a guy connected to the mob in New York, is trying to horn in on their territory. I mean, he just opened up a brothel and he's bringing in some of his cohorts from New York in to help him out. There's a rumor Al Capone is coming." She gave me a significant look. Capone was not a huge name yet in this time, but I sure knew who he was. "It's only a matter of time before all hell breaks loose!" Alice added.

Geez. She had really done her homework.

"That does sound bad," Edward admitted. He looked away and seemed deep in thought. Alice gave me a smug look and I shook my head smiling. Maybe she did know what she was doing.

When we arrived at the hospital, Edward decided to come in with us. He said he wanted to see the baby that Alice and I were always talking about, but he seemed a little nervous and wouldn't meet my eyes. Together, the three of us walked up to the nursery only to find Carlisle hunched over little Peter's bassinet. He straightened and greeted us as we approached, smiling at Alice and me… the smile falling a bit at the sight of Edward.

"Edward." Carlisle nodded curtly. At my pointed look, he added, "It's nice to see you again."

I caught Edward's surprised response. "Thanks…. Same to you," he said tentatively, and Carlisle smirked at me as if to say, "See, I'm trying."

"Hi, Carlisle," Alice said cheerily, flitting over to his side. "We just wanted to come see the baby one last time." She bent over the bassinet, cooing at Peter. Edward and I followed, and Alice picked Peter up, kissing him on the forehead before handing him to me. I was slightly more comfortable with it, having held the baby a handful of times during his stay, and smiled at him, whispering a quiet "hello" as he blinked back at me.

"He's doing very well," Carlisle told us. "Most babies lose weight in the week after birth, but he's actually gained almost half a pound."

I smiled down at Peter and without even realizing it, found myself baby-talking to him. "That's 'cause he's such a good boy… yes he is… such a goooood…." I looked up to see Carlisle watching me with amusement. Alice, however, was looking at Edward in satisfaction. I turned and found Edward's intense gaze focused on me. He blinked after a moment, meeting my confused look with a soft smile.

"What's wrong?" I asked, as Alice grabbed Carlisle's attention with a question about another baby. The two of them crossed the room, chatting quietly.

Edward flushed slightly. "Nothing. I was just thinking."

"About what?" Peter started to fuss, so I bounced him gently, shifting my weight from side to side.

Edward reached out to touch the baby's hand and Peter wrapped his fingers around one of Edward's. Edward chuckled, then said quietly, "Just that you… I think you'll be a good mother… someday."

_Holy crap!_

I really wasn't expecting him to say that. I flashed a glance at Alice, who was grinning widely. Carlisle was bent over another baby, pretending he wasn't listening to our exchange.

"Well… uh… thanks, I guess… maybe… someday…" I stammered, placing Peter back in his bassinet. _Not for a while_ , I thought to myself. _Not for a_ long _while_. I made a mental note to study the birth control pamphlet Eleanor had given me as soon as possible. Thankfully, Carlisle and Alice walked back over, ending the awkward conversation.

"I should probably be going," Alice said, kissing Peter once more before turning to Edward. "Are you ready?"

Edward looked flustered. "Ready?"

Alice smiled. "You left your car at the boarding house, right? I thought we'd walk back together."

Edward flashed a panicked look my way. "Uh… all right," he said. "Can I meet you outside?"

Alice's brow creased in confusion. "Sure…" she said slowly, "I'll see you outside. Bye, Bella. Bye, Carlisle." Alice left the nursery and, with a quick glance at Carlisle, Edward took my arm and walked me out after her. When we got to the hallway, he looked around quickly, apparently worried someone would overhear us.

"Are you all right with this?" he asked in a low voice.

"All right with what?" I asked, matching his tone, but not knowing what the hell he was talking about.

He reddened. "With me walking Alice home," he explained.

I was baffled. "Why would I have a problem with that?"

Edward was clearly embarrassed for some reason. "I… uh… I think she… might be interested in me," he muttered, his eyes downcast.

I choked. "What?"

"She keeps asking me questions and trying to talk to me," he said uncomfortably. "Now she wants to walk me to walk her home? I don't know. It seems like she has some hidden motive."

I hesitated. I didn't want to laugh at him, but it was pretty funny. I bit the inside of my cheek and fought to maintain my composure.

"Edward, Alice is my cousin. She's just trying to get to know you because she knows you're important to me. That's all," I reassured him.

"Are you sure?" he asked skeptically. "What was all of that about moving to a small town and starting a family?"

_Great. Nice work, Alice._

"I think she was just making conversation," I said lamely. "Besides, Alice has a boyfriend who she's madly in love with. You have nothing to worry about," I told him, squeezing his hand. "We're as close as sisters… so if anything, she thinks of you like a brother," I told him.

Edward sighed in relief. "All right. That makes me feel better." His eyes flicked down the hallway briefly, then he grinned at me before pulling me toward a closed door.

"What's in here?" he whispered.

"Uh… it's just a storage closet."

His grin widened and he opened the door, tugging me inside.

"What are you doing?" I giggled.

He grabbed my waist, kicking the door shut and whirling me around to press me against it.

"Saying goodnight," he murmured against my lips before leaning in for a hot kiss. I sighed into his mouth, my skin heating under his fingers as they trailed up my sides, brushing lightly against my breasts. I moaned and Edward echoed the sound, moving even closer to me until I could feel his hard, warm body all along mine. Moving on their own accord, my hands slid around to clutch at his back as our tongues intertwined, the only sounds in the tiny room harsh breathing mingled with moist licks and the soft rumple of skin against clothing.

After a moment, he pulled back, kissing me once more softly, and brushing my hair back from my face.

"I should go," he said. "Alice is waiting."

Dazed and dizzy, I stared at him blankly. The corner of his mouth lifted.

"Breathe, Bella."

I blinked, and as his words registered, I inhaled shakily and the dizziness dissipated.

He took my hand again, pulling me behind him as he cracked the door open and peered down the hallway. We emerged and I nervously ran my hands over my clothes and hair, trying not to look like we'd just been making out like teenagers.

Well, okay, technically we _were_ teenagers and we _had_ just been making out, but I didn't need for my co-workers to know that.

I walked Edward to the top of the stairs, where he kissed me again on the cheek before turning to leave. I watched him thoughtfully, wondering about the change in his attitude over the last few days.

A week ago, a kiss like that would have sparked guilt and remorse, not to mention a lot of fall-on-his-sword apologies. But Edward had turned a corner, it seemed, and I wondered what had led to his change of heart. I loved it, don't get me wrong, but I had to admit to a twinge of guilt nagging at the back of my brain.

I wondered if I'd manipulated him.

Eleanor had assured me that her little seduction techniques would only get Edward to act on feelings he already had. I didn't really doubt that, and I still believed what I'd done was necessary. Still, I worried – just a little – that I had made him set aside his own beliefs and morals… that I'd tempted him and caused him to fall.

Like Eve with the apple… or Delilah with her scissors… or that copy shop girl who broke up Ross and Rachel on _Friends_.

Okay, sure, they were on a "break"… but still.

"Everything all right?" Carlisle's quiet voice interrupted my musings.

I smiled. "Sure. Everything's fine," I said as we walked to his office. "Just pondering the difference between blame and responsibility."

He arched a brow. "And what have you determined?"

"I'm not sure yet," I replied. "Take the story of Samson and Delilah in the Bible, for example. Delilah's this gorgeous woman, and Samson falls for her… but he's not supposed to tell anyone that his strength comes from his hair. Still she keeps asking him and he gives her these bullsh-… these wrong answers." I flushed, but Carlisle didn't seem to catch my slip. "Finally, he just can't resist her anymore and he tells her the truth.

"Of course, since Delilah can't be trusted, she has a guy cut off all his hair and poor Samson loses his strength."

Carlisle considered that for a moment. "And you're trying to decide who's to blame?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I mean, Samson was stupid to tell Delilah the truth… but she kind of wore him down."

"So you think Samson is to _blame_ … but Delilah shares at least some _responsibility_?"

"I guess." I looked at him quizzically. "What do you think?"

We walked into Carlisle's office and took our customary seats across the desk from each other.

"I suppose it comes back to free will, once again," he answered. "Both had the freedom to decide what they would do, so they are responsible for those choices. Delilah accepted the bribe from the Philistines. She turned on her own people. She tempted Samson… tricked him into betraying his beliefs… but ultimately, Samson made the choice to give in."

"And God punished him by taking his strength away," I said. "But what happened to Delilah?"

Carlisle shook his head. "Nobody really knows," he replied. "I'm sure she got her money, but I'd also guess what she'd done haunted her. She acted out of greed, after all… and I doubt anyone who does that lives happily ever after."

"So you think the motivation _behind_ the action is just as important?" This made me feel a little better. After all, my motives were pure… well, relatively pure. I was trying to save Edward's life, after all. It just so happened I also wanted to jump his bones.

God couldn't blame me for that, could He? I mean, He did make Edward pretty irresistible.

Carlisle leaned back in his chair, his fingers tented together. "I believe motivation is of _primary_ importance," he said, "as well as what you learn from the choices you make. Remember, Samson eventually repented and God answered his prayer and gave him his strength back just long enough to destroy the enemy. Of course, he died in the attempt. No matter who's to blame, one must always face the consequences of one's actions, it seems."

That wasn't as encouraging, and it got me thinking. Was I willing to accept the consequences? What if someday Edward resented me for my manipulation of him? What if he set aside his morals and regretted it later? Could I live with that?

It took me only a second to answer.

Yes.

If it meant he was alive and we were together, I'd take whatever consequences came my way.

"What led to this philosophical musing?" Carlisle asked, smirking. "Having a crisis of conscience about something?"

_Oh, if he only knew._

"No." I laughed it off. "It's just something Alice and I were talking about earlier."

"Speaking of Alice," he said, accepting the change of subject and eyeing me closely. "When are you going to tell me the truth about her?"

My stomach fell. "The truth?"

Carlisle just raised an eyebrow, his gaze steady.

I thought about what Alice told me. That I should follow my instincts when it came to Carlisle. So I did. I took a steadying breath, and for the first time, I told Carlisle something about the future that had nothing to do with influenza… and I hoped like hell I wasn't screwing things up.

"Alice will be… different someday," I said finally. "She'll be… like you."

Carlisle blinked, leaning forward onto his desk. Evidently, he was just as surprised as I was that I hadn't evaded the question. He rubbed a hand across his chin, studying me carefully.

"You're sure?" he asked quietly.

I nodded.

"And she… knows this?"

"Yes."

"Will I…?" His words trailed off, but I knew he was asking if he would be the one to change her.

"No… not you." I shook my head. "It will be somebody else."

He stood quickly, pacing the room, his brow wrinkled in agitation. "Does Edward know? You haven't told him, have you?"

"No, of course not," I assured him. "Edward knows nothing… not about you and not about Alice."

"Because it would be very dangerous…" he continued.

I held up a hand. "I know, Carlisle. I would never breathe a word of this to anyone else."

He collapsed back in his chair and gazed into the distance, lost in thought for a moment. "So, why is Alice really here?" he asked, turning back to me.

I sighed. I wasn't ready to get into all that just yet. _Baby steps_.

"She's here… to help me," I replied.

"To help you do what?"

I laughed. "Neither one of us is really sure right now," I said honestly. "We're kind of figuring that out as we go along."

Carlisle smiled and chuckled slightly under his breath. "As are we all."

x-x

I felt better, having confided in Carlisle even the little bit that I had. Alice told me I'd done the right thing and continued to say that Carlisle would be important in the weeks and months ahead. She still didn't have a lot more information than that, however… a fact that frustrated her more than me. Alice wasn't used to being in the dark.

I didn't get to talk to Edward on Friday. Although he had gotten his beloved car back, and a reprieve from house arrest to walk me to work each evening, he was still grounded. I knew I'd see him on Saturday, though. Alice and I had agreed to help with the planning for the charity ball, so we were invited to a luncheon meeting at the Masens'.

Mrs. Masen greeted us at the door when we arrived. I introduced her to Alice and noticed Edward leaning conspicuously against the wall, obviously waiting for us. He smiled and winked at me, sparking the ever-present blush that always lurked beneath the surface of my skin.

"Edward, please come take Alice and Bella's coats, would you dear?" Mrs. Masen asked.

We walked in and Edward rushed over to help us with our coats. Alice already had hers off and handed it to him with a quiet thanks, but he eased mine off my shoulders, his fingers brushing lightly over my neck, then down my arms in a deliberate attempt to torment me. He leaned down to whisper in my ear, "I missed you."

I shivered involuntarily and my eyes shot to Mrs. Masen. She had her back to us and was walking with Alice toward the dining room.

"I missed you, too," I breathed as his lips brushed my neck.

He stepped back. "You better get to your meeting," he said, lifting my hand to kiss it before turning to take our coats upstairs.

I absorbed very little from the planning meeting, because Edward seemed to have made it his mission to distract me. He'd come up behind me to reach over and grab a sandwich, resting his hand on my shoulder and rubbing it gently with his thumb. He'd sit in the other room, but in my direct line of sight, pretending to read, but every now and then lifting his head to catch my eye and send me smoldering looks.

"Bella?" I turned to see Mrs. Masen looking at me expectantly.

"I'm sorry, what?"

She smiled. "I asked if you would be willing to work at the refreshment table."

"Oh!" I nodded. "Sure. I'd be happy to."

She thanked me and consulted a list on the table in front of her before turning to someone else. I glanced at Edward and he smirked at me. He stood and walked into the hallway, then tilted his head toward the stairs with a grin. I looked around the table, but nobody else had noticed him. Edward's smile grew and he beckoned to me, walking toward the stairway.

I cleared my throat and set my napkin next to my plate. "Mrs. Masen. May I please… ummm… use the facilities?" I asked quietly.

"Of course, dear." She patted my hand. "It's at the top of the stairs."

I made my way down the hall and up the stairs. "Edward?" I called in a whisper. I looked down the hallway at the top of the stairs, but saw no sign of him. Shrugging, I opened the door to the bathroom.

A strong arm encircled my waist as Edward's low voice filled my ear. "Shhhh…" I felt his chuckle against my neck as he swept me off my feet and into the bathroom. He kissed me, stifling the giggles that were threatening to escape, as he quietly shut the door behind us.

"Edward, your mother is just downstairs!" I hissed as his lips moved to my neck and he trailed nibbling, wet kisses behind my ear, then gently tugged on my lobe with his teeth.

"Edward…" His name transformed into a low moan as I completely forgot why we needed to stop. Instead, my fingers tangled in his hair, dragging his mouth back to mine. Amidst a clash of teeth and lips we clung to each other, our mouths moving together in a united attack, and mutual surrender. I have no idea how long we stood there, locked in an embrace and consuming each other. Time seemed to stand still as thought and reason fled, replaced by emotion and sensation.

My hands drifted down his back as his tightened around my waist, pressing me even closer to him. Without even fully realizing what I was doing, my hands moved even lower, stroking over his firm and delectable backside.

Edward froze for a moment, and I worried I'd gone too far. Then he groaned and renewed his assault on my lips, his hands matching my movements and moving to my ass. We pulled toward each other, his erection hard and firm against my stomach. If it wasn't for my restricting skirt, I would have shamelessly wrapped my leg around his waist to obtain the friction my body so desperately craved. The air around us thickened and heated, our breaths mingling as the temperature soared.

Until a knock at the door dumped cold water all over us.

"Bella?" Edward's mother called through the door. "Are you all right, dear?"

Edward and I exchanged panicked looks as we silently pulled apart and tried to catch our breath.

"Yes," I croaked, then cleared my throat. "I'm fine. I'll be right out." I quickly moved to the sink, turning on the water to cover the sound of our movements. Edward held a finger to his lips and stepped behind the door. I took a deep breath and turned off the water before opening the door, trying to ignore Edward's looming form and focus on Mrs. Masen's concerned face.

"You were gone quite a while. I just wanted to make sure you weren't ill," she explained. "You do look a little flushed, dear. Are you sure you're all right?"

I saw Edward smirk out of the corner of my eye and fought the urge to flip him off.

"Oh, yes," I assured her as I walked out into the hallway and we made our way to the stairs. "My… stomach was a little upset… but I'm fine now."

We returned to the dining room and I sat back down next to Alice as the conversations picked up around us.

"What were you up to?" she asked quietly with a knowing look.

"Never mind," I muttered.

Alice laughed. "Run into someone upstairs?"

I ignored her, but Edward chose that moment to walk into the room and lean against the wall, his hands in his pockets. I studied my plate, but could feel Alice looking back and forth between us.

"Edward, there you are!" Mrs. Masen said cheerily. "What have you been doing?"

Alice snickered beside me and muttered, "Or _who_?"

I kicked her under the table.

x-x

We had decided to have a pizza party Saturday night, so after the planning meeting Alice and I made our way to Little Italy in a search for ingredients that was surprisingly fruitful. We visited the same produce stand where Maggie had taught me the art of bartering, and I got a good deal on tomatoes, garlic, onions, green peppers, mushrooms, and several bunches of fresh herbs I would need.

The vendor told me of an Italian deli where – wonder of wonders – I picked up salami and pepperoni as well as some thinly sliced prosciutto, a jar of olives, a wedge of parmesan cheese and some fresh mozzarella. Maggie already had the makings for the pizza dough, and I had to admit the idea of using all of these fresh ingredients made my mouth water.

Our arms were full as we made our way back to the "L" station and we chatted excitedly about our plans. Alice, as always, was thrilled at the idea of trying a dish that I'd always raved about. I also looked forward to sharing the delicacy with the other boarders.

We rounded a corner and were walking the last few blocks to the "L" when suddenly Alice came to an abrupt halt, her head snapping to the left. Her bags fell to the ground, onions rolling out onto the sidewalk as she looked blankly into an abandoned alley.

"Alice?" I moved to stand next to her, trying to see what she was looking at. "What is it? What's wrong?"

But Alice had a distant look in her eye – a look that told me she wasn't seeing what was in front of her, but something… else.

"Don't!" she cried out in a quiet voice, and I was startled to see tears fill her eyes. "Please, don't!" she pleaded again.

"Alice," I said, forcing calm into my voice, "what do you see?"

"No… no, no, no…" she choked on a sob and fell to her knees. "No…" she begged, tears streaming down her face.

Frantic, I dropped down to grab her shoulders, shaking her gently. "Alice, listen to me!" I commanded, but her body was limp in my hands. She clenched her eyes shut and began to tremble violently. I scanned up and down the street, desperate enough to ask a stranger for help, but didn't see anyone approaching.

Alice whimpered and sank further to the ground, curling into a ball and wrapping her arms around her legs. I tried to keep her upright, but her body was like a dead weight and she rolled onto her side, her face pressed to the cold cement.

"Alice… please…" Tears fell from my eyes now, too. I'd never seen her like this and didn't know what to do. "You need to snap out of it."

She shivered and wept, lying there in the fetal position on a city sidewalk. "So c-c-c-cold…" she mumbled through chattering teeth. "So t-t-t-tired…"

I did the only thing I could think of. Crying uncontrollably, I lay down next to her and wrapped my arms around her. "Shhh… it's okay," I murmured, rubbing her arms gently. "It's okay, Alice. I'm here."

Her low keening broke my heart, but eventually it quieted until she hiccupped gently and her breathing evened out. Then she grew quiet.

Too quiet.

"Alice?" I lifted my head to examine her pale, tear-stained face. Her stillness sparked panic in me. "Alice?" I repeated, sitting up to shake her gently. When she didn't respond, I shook her a little harder, slapping her cheeks lightly.

I pressed my hand to her chest, but I felt nothing.

"Oh my God, Alice!" I screamed, trying to remember the first-aid class I'd taken the summer before. It all flew out the window in my terror and I pulled Alice into my arms, hugging her tightly. "Alice… no… wake up… please wake up…" I sobbed. I rocked her back and forth, my tears flowing freely down my face and over her hair.

"Please…" I begged, not knowing who I was asking… but hoping someone would fix this.

Suddenly, I heard Alice take a harsh breath, inhaling deeply and holding it in for a moment before releasing it slowly. I relaxed my hold so I could see her face. She was still ashen, but her lips were parted as she breathed.

"Alice?"

Her eyes fluttered open, vacant at first, then she focused on me.

"Bella? What's going on?"

Relief flooded through me and I hugged her to me once again. "Oh God, Alice. I thought you were dead! I couldn't feel your heartbeat… and you weren't breathing…"

"Bella? Too… tight," she said into my shoulder.

"Oh! Sorry," I said, loosening my grip. "Are you okay?"

"I think so," she replied as I helped her to sit up. "A little woozy, but I'm all right. What happened?"

I laughed humorlessly. "What happened? You just had one hell of a vision, I'm guessing."

Alice narrowed her eyes in concentration for a moment. "Yes," she said finally, "I remember."

"What did you see?" I asked. "You really scared me to death."

Alice looked around quickly. "I'll tell you everything, but let's get out of here first, okay? I think we're starting to draw attention."

I followed her line of sight and realized a few people were regarding us curiously.

"Okay… yeah," I said as I helped her to her feet then gathered the scattered groceries. "Let's go, then I want to hear all about it."

Once we took our seats on the "L", I turned to her. "So, what did you see?"

Alice glanced around to make sure we wouldn't be overheard. "Well, first, it was like the dream I had… you know… the one about the man in the alley?"

I nodded. "Did you see him this time?"

"No," Alice frowned. "It was just like the dream – just shadows… the same thing. But then…" She got a faraway look in her eyes and I worried she was slipping away again.

"Alice?"

She blinked. "Sorry. It was just so weird… It was dark… so dark… and really cold. I was lying on something hard and just shivering… and afraid."

"Where were you?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said quietly. "I couldn't really see anything around me. I was just… lying there… cold and afraid… then… nothing."

"Nothing?"

She bit her lip. "I don't know how else to explain it. I wasn't cold anymore… I wasn't afraid… I just felt nothing. There was… nothing."

Considering that for a moment, I made a brilliant observation. "Well, that's weird."

Alice laughed. "Yeah. No kidding."

"What do you think it means?"

Alice stared out the window for a moment, lost in thought. "I think… I think I saw… _death_."

She turned back toward me with an uncertain expression and a chill ran down my spine.

"Death?" I repeated, my voice cracking. "Are you sure?"

Her brow furrowed. "I wasn't until I said it out loud, but yeah… I'm pretty sure."

I hesitated, uncertain that I wanted to hear the answer to my next question. "Whose?" I asked finally, my heart beating rapidly in my chest.

She swallowed hard, and I was devastated when I saw tears fill her eyes.

"Mine."


	19. Of Chocolate Syrup and Charity Balls

  


_Palmer House Ballroom_

 

_**"An understanding of the infinite tree of universes seems to be needed in order to make statistical predictions about the properties of our own universe, which is assumed to be a typical 'branch' on the tree."** _

_**\- Alan Guth, Theoretical Physicist** _

**Chapter 18 – Of Chocolate Syrup and Charity Balls**

Alice's vision hit her hard… but I think it hit me even harder. After all, I was the one who held her in my arms as she – for all intents and purposes – died. I fought her on it, but on Sunday, Alice wanted to visit the alley in Little Italy again to see if she could get anything more. She stood staring into the empty space, littered with garbage and building debris, for almost an hour but nothing happened. She was disappointed.

I had to admit, I was a little glad.

"Do you think this is the alley from your vision?" I asked her as she finally gave up and we turned to head home. She studied it a moment longer, then shook her head.

"I don't think so," she said. "I can't explain it, but something doesn't seem quite right."

We walked toward the "L" in silence. We'd gone round and round about Alice's visions and still had come to no concrete conclusion as to what they meant. The only thing we agreed on was that Alice should definitely stay away from dark alleys… although why she would actually be in one, I had no idea.

"But why am I there?" I thought out loud.

"What?" Alice asked.

I tucked my hair behind my ear. "Well, it sure sounds to me like the danger in the alley is to you." I paused, and Alice nodded. "But it was _me_ you actually saw there. Why would I be there if whatever happens… happens to you?

We boarded the train and Alice bit her lip thoughtfully. "It doesn't make much sense… unless we're both in danger," she said finally, collapsing into a seat. "I don't know, Bella. I guess the only thing we can do is be careful. Watch out for the signs that I've seen and hope for the best."

I grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. "I know it's discouraging, Alice, but don't be so hard on yourself."

She sighed. "It's just that I _know_ I'm here to help… but it doesn't seem like I really am."

"Oh, but you are!" I corrected her. "You've kept me on the right track with Carlisle… and knowing that you're behind my plan to save Edward… well, that's everything. Having you here to talk to… to give me advice… you can't imagine how important that's been."

She smiled and thanked me before turning to look out the window thoughtfully. "Do you think - when I get back - that Edward will be gone?" she asked softly before turning back to me. "Will he just vanish… or will it be like he never existed? Will I even remember him? Will I remember you?"

I inhaled deeply, trying to keep the tears at bay. The fact that I might be hurting Alice struck me profoundly. It helped that she understood… that she even supported my decision… but still, I felt a need to try and ease her pain.

"I heard a theory once," I began, brushing at my eyes. "It's called the Tree of Universes, or something like that. Basically it says that for every point in time, there are an infinite number of possibilities… and each one of those possibilities creates a separate reality. Every choice that could be made by every person creates a unique new reality."

Alice considered that. "So, say you're walking down the street and you come to the corner and you have to decide which way to turn…"

I jumped in. "You could go straight… or left or right… or turn around and go back… or just decide to stay where you are. Each one of those options would create a unique reality."

"But you do make a choice," Alice argued. "You decide which way to go. How can those other realities exist if you don't choose them?"

I leaned in, trying to explain. "The theory says the _possibility_ of the choice is enough. Basically, that means there's a reality where you choose to go forward, another where you choose to go left, and so on."

Alice absorbed that for a moment. "So… you're saying there could be two futures. One that's the one I know… and one where you save Edward and I never meet him?"

I nodded. "Well, even more than that, but yeah, that's the basic idea.

"So when you go back, you'd go back to your universe. Things are just as you remember. Jasper's waiting for you… Edward's in South America… who the hell knows what I'm doing? The point is, nothing's changed for you."

Alice nodded in understanding. "Then, if you save Edward, it creates a whole separate reality… a unique future… almost like a parallel dimension?"

"It's one theory," I agreed.

"I like that," she said with a decisive nod. "I hope that's what happens."

I smiled. "Me too."

We rode in silence for a while, the only sound the murmur of voices around us and the clack of the train on the rails. Then Alice turned to me, her eyes narrowed.

"Wait a second," she said accusingly. "You got that from Stargate, didn't you?"

_Crap. Figures she'd remember every TV show she'd ever seen._

"It's still a real theory," I insisted. "I Googled it."

Alice gaped at me, then burst out laughing. "Well, if you _Googled_ it…" She giggled, then gave me a sly grin. "You know, that Dr. Jackson is pretty hot. He kind of reminds me of Jasper."

I laughed. "Every hot guy reminds you of Jasper," I pointed out.

"True," she admitted, "except for George Clooney, of course. He's in a class by himself."

"Well, that goes without saying," I agreed, and we joked about movie stars and tried to forget the dark shadow we felt hanging over our heads.

x-x

Thursday afternoon, Edward's track practice ended early due to a freak thunderstorm, so he showed up at the boarding house shortly after I woke up. I opened the door and he grinned at me, drenched and adorable, his hair hanging down and dripping onto his face. I hung up his coat and grabbed a towel for him, then we sat on the couch and talked.

Well, talked and… other stuff.

Everyone was out for the afternoon except Alice, who discreetly headed upstairs with a copy of Pride and Prejudice, muttering about missing Nora Roberts. I sat facing Edward, one leg tucked under the other, and toyed with his hair as he held my other hand in his lap. The rain pounded on the rooftop and every now and then a loud clap of thunder made me jump.

"I love thunderstorms," Edward said, playing with my fingers and shooting tingles down my arm. "They're so wild and powerful… you can actually feel the electricity in the air." He interlaced our fingers and lifted my hand to his lips, kissing it softly, his eyes intense on mine.

I gulped. Yep. Definitely feeling electricity.

He leaned his head back on the sofa, still watching me. The hand I had in his hair was trapped beneath his head, and he turned his face slowly and kissed my palm. "Do you like thunderstorms, Bella?" he asked in a low voice, his breath trickling over my wrist.

"Yes," I whispered. He could have asked me anything at that moment and I would have said yes.

"Mmmm…" he murmured, trailing his lips slowly up my arm. I trembled as he sucked lightly on the inside of my elbow. "Your skin tastes so good," he breathed. "Salty… but sweet."

_Holy Mother of God._

Edward sat up abruptly, grabbing me by the waist and pulling me onto his lap. He grinned at my gasp of surprise, twisting his hand in my hair as his lips attacked mine. With a low whimper, I melted into him, succumbing to the glorious taste of his mouth.

He groaned, leaning forward to lay me back on the couch as he shifted to lie beside me. His lips moved to suck delicately along my neck and I arched up, throwing my head back as he nibbled at my flesh.

"Oh, God… Edward," I moaned breathlessly. Frantic to feel his skin, I tugged the hem of his shirt out of his pants, sliding my hands underneath to explore the rippled muscles of his stomach. He stiffened, then shifted over me, his mouth hovering a breath from mine.

"Bella," he gasped, his eyes squeezing shut and his jaw tense. I could feel him… all of him… pressing against me in the most delicious way. I scratched at his back lightly as I unconsciously writhed against him, my body craving his.

Thunder struck suddenly with an enormous boom, shaking the house and rattling the windows. I heard a scream from upstairs, followed by pattering footsteps.

"Shit, it's Alice!" I exclaimed in a whisper, trying to sit up and shoving Edward to the floor in my haste. He hadn't released me, though, so I ended up landing right on top of him.

"Oooff!" he grunted.

"Are you okay?" I hissed, scrambling to get up and kneeing Edward in the groin. He moaned, but this one was definitely not in pleasure.

I heard Alice coming down the stairs. "What the hell was th—" she broke off, rounding the couch and finding us tangled up on the floor. "Oh, sorry." She snickered, turning her back pointedly. "Didn't mean to interrupt."

I rolled off Edward and got to my feet, wincing in chagrin at the way he was cupping his special place.

Yeah. Renee always called it that.

"God, Edward. I'm so sorry." I hovered over him helplessly, unsure of what to do. "Do you want some ice? Maybe a… pillow or something?"

"No… no…" Edward rolled onto all fours, then slowly got up to sit on the couch. "I'm fine, really." He took a deep breath, but still seemed to be sitting a little crookedly… like he was protecting his package.

"Can I get you something? Do you need something to drink, maybe?" I asked worriedly.

Alice giggled. "Yeah, that'll help," she muttered. I glared at her and she shrugged.

"I'm all right," he assured me, straightening after a few minutes. "We should be going, though. It could take longer than usual to drive to the hospital in this storm."

"All right," I agreed. "I just need to get my coat."

"Uh, Bella?" Alice interrupted. "You might want to change your blouse."

I examined the white lace blouse I was wearing, thinking I had spilled something on it, but it seemed perfectly fine.

"Why?" I asked. "What's wrong with it?"

"There's nothing wrong with _it_ ," she said enigmatically, "but there is something wrong with your neck."

Edward looked at me, then away quickly, flushing hotly.

I reached up to touch my neck. "What are you talking about?"

Alice chuckled. "You have a huge hickey."

I blushed. "Great." I shot an annoyed glance at Edward, who wouldn't meet my eyes. "I'm going to run up and change, then we can go," I said, heading for the stairs, Alice still laughing behind me.

A few minutes later, dressed in a high-necked blouse that covered my purplish bruise, I huddled under an umbrella with Edward as we raced toward his car.

"I really am sorry about your neck," Edward said, once we were moving down the rain-slicked streets. "I didn't realize… I didn't mean to do that." He stared at the road ahead of him, his face bright red.

I reached over to touch his hand. "It's okay, Edward. It's not a big deal. It happens," I assured him.

His eyes flashed to mine. "It does?"

"Sure."

"Has it… happened to you… often?" he asked, his jaw tight.

I smiled. He was pretty cute when he was jealous.

"No," I said. "I didn't mean it happens to me… I just meant it's not that uncommon."

Edward's shoulder dropped in obvious relief. "Oh… all right." He glanced at me. "I am sorry, though."

I smirked. "I'm not. It was fun."

He flushed again, and his eyes returned to the road.

"Yes," he said finally. "It was."

We talked a little about Edward's upcoming meet and the charity ball until we pulled to a stop in front of the hospital. Edward was animated when he talked about his weekend plans, but at mention of the ball, his eyes fell and his ears pinkened in the way that told me he wanted to ask me something.

"What is it?" I stroked his hand as his eyes flashed to mine, then down again.

"It's stupid," he mumbled.

"Edward, just tell me," I encouraged. "I promise I won't think it's stupid."

He hesitated, then reached into his inside jacket pocket to pull out a square of white cloth.

"I just thought…" he began, "…since I couldn't be there… at the ball… that you might keep this with you." He flushed hotly and thrust the cloth at me.

It took a moment for me to realize what it was. "A handkerchief?"

He shrugged. "Samantha said ladies need to have one at a ball. I thought… maybe you could take mine." His eyes flashed up in alarm. "It's clean," he assured me.

I smiled. "I'm sure it is." I looked down at the square of white linen, flipping it over to find Edward's monogram, embroidered in blue thread: EAM.

In my time, some may have called it old-fashioned or corny or even sexist.

I could only find it sweet… and running my fingers over the blue letters I felt warmth suffuse my body.

"Of course I'll carry it, Edward," I told him. "Thank you."

A relieved grin lit his features as he leaned forward to give me a kiss goodbye. I convinced him to stay in the car to escape the torrential downpour and rushed to the hospital door, shaking off my umbrella before I brought it inside. Waving a hello to Patty, I made my way up to Carlisle's office just as he hung up the phone.

"I was just talking to Jonathan Kelley," he explained. "He's received some new samples from Spain, so it's perfect timing for my visit this weekend."

I walked over to the boxes scattered on the lab table. "So, do you want me to finish packing up your slides and samples?" I asked. "What about the microscope?"

"No need," Carlisle responded, walking over to stand next to me. "Jonathan has very good equipment. I'll need all my notes and journals, though." He reached for an empty box and began to stack files inside. We worked in silence for a while and I felt Carlisle's eyes on me. I reached up casually to tug at my collar and ensure my hickey wasn't showing.

"So," Carlisle asked finally, "is Edward escorting you to the ball this weekend?"

I set aside a full box and reached for an empty one. "No. He can't make it," I told him. "He has the Tri-State Meet in Milwaukee. His mom is pretty disappointed. She'd really like for him and his father to be there, but it can't be helped. So Edward and his father will go to the meet, while his mother is at the ball."

"Oh, that's too bad," Carlisle said. "So you'll be going with Alice?"

I nodded. "We're going to help out with Samantha… pouring punch, checking coats, that kind of thing."

"That's nice of you."

"I'd rather do that than dance," I admitted wryly.

Carlisle chuckled. "Yes, you mentioned you disliked dancing. I don't understand it, though. Most ladies enjoy it."

"I enjoy it fine," I said with a laugh. "But it's not something I'd subject the world to."

Carlisle smiled and I reached up to scratch my neck absently. I noticed too late as Carlisle's eyes focused on the spot.

 _Crap_. If it was possible to die of embarrassment I would have been six feet under.

Actually, death would have been preferable at that moment.

"What happened to your neck?" he asked with concern. "It looks like a bruise."

I swallowed. "Uhh… I fell…?"

Yeah. Good one.

Carlisle arched an eyebrow. "You fell… on your neck?" he asked disbelievingly before he stiffened. "Edward didn't… he didn't hurt you, did he?" I shivered at the cold look that overcame Carlisle's features.

"No!" I exclaimed. "No, of course not."

"Bella, you can't protect that boy if he's become violent," he said sternly.

"God, Carlisle… he's not violent!" I argued, blushing furiously. "It's a… hickey," I admitted in a humiliated whisper.

"A what?"

"A hickey," I repeated, my face hot. At his confused look, I sighed heavily. "He… sucked on my neck," I explained, absolutely mortified.

Carlisle's eyes widened. "Oh! Oh… I see," he said, turning quickly to carry a box across the room. "Well, if you put some ice on that, it should help," he mumbled.

"Thanks for the tip," I said dryly.

Carlisle slammed boxes around the other side of the room for a while until I turned to him in annoyance.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, my hands on my hips.

He glared at me. "I just don't think it was right for _the boy_ to mark you," he replied.

I rolled my eyes. " _Edward_ didn't do it on purpose."

"Regardless," he replied. "It was pretty irresponsible and showed a lack of control, as well as a lack of concern and respect for your reputation."

Frustrated, I insisted, "Edward is very careful of my reputation. He wouldn't do anything to hurt me."

Carlisle took a deep breath and his gaze softened. "I just don't want you to feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to do, Bella."

"Edward would never do that," I interrupted stubbornly, but Carlisle held up a hand.

"Please," he pleaded in a soft voice, "just… would you… promise you'll be careful?" His eyes fell to my neck. "I don't think you understand how something like that can ruin your life."

I tugged at my collar again. "I understand, Carlisle," I assured him. "And I promise I'll be careful."

He nodded and added a little sadly, but earnestly, "And if you ever need help, I hope you know you can always call on me."

I could tell he still wasn't convinced about Edward's innocence, but I also knew his heart was in the right place.

"Thank you," I said quietly. "I just might take you up on that someday."

x-x

"Are you sure about this?" Alice asked doubtfully, examining the ingredients lining the kitchen counter. "It seems awfully complicated."

"Alice, trust me. It'll be totally worth it."

"But I don't even like coffee," she complained, eyeing the container of grounds skeptically.

"You don't like black, 1918 coffee," I corrected. "But what you're about to taste will blow you away."

Given Alice's enthusiasm about food, I had taken it upon myself to expose her to as many delicacies as possible while she was with me. It was actually really fun to watch her try new things – the look of curiosity giving way to wonder, then usually, to enjoyment.

Coffee being the notable exception.

Alice had taken one sip of Maggie's strong brew and nearly spit it right back out. Even adding cream and sugar did nothing to increase her interest.

"It's disgusting," she'd muttered disdainfully, but quietly so as not to hurt Maggie's feelings. "Bitter and just… blech." She shuddered.

So Friday afternoon, I decided I needed to show Alice another side to coffee. With no Starbucks in sight for a few decades, I had to do it the old-fashioned way.

I was going to make a mocha – hot, sweet, and chocolatey - with a dollop of real whipped cream on top.

I knew she'd never be the same.

Of course, my first choice would have been a caramel frappuccino, but the blender hadn't been invented yet. I explored other options – like a meat grinder, or a wine press – but found them a little cost prohibitive.

Might have been a bit of overkill.

So, mocha it was, and I was able to find the ingredients I needed at the local market: milk and cream, sugar, cocoa powder… but the coffee itself provided the real challenge.

Espresso wasn't around yet. Well, they probably had it In Italy, but that didn't do me much good a half a world away.

So instead, I found a small coffee roaster who was able to finely grind my beans. I figured if I used half the water in Maggie's coffeepot, I'd get a strong enough cup to substitute for a couple of shots of espresso.

"Okay," I said, my hands on my hips. "I think we should start with the whipped cream. It can go in the icebox while we do the rest."

Making whipped cream was a little more complicated without an electric mixer. The two of us took turns whisking the heavy cream, and we were both panting and perspiring by the time we were rewarded with soft peaks as the cream thickened. We mixed in sugar and vanilla before tasting the result.

"Mmmm…" Alice moaned. "Can we just eat this?"

I laughed. "Be patient. Just put that in the icebox and let's get started on the chocolate syrup."

I set Alice to work whisking cocoa and water over the stove, while I set up the coffee pot. First filling the lower chamber halfway with water, I then spooned my fine coffee grounds into the top chamber before setting the whole contraption carefully on the stove. I added sugar to Alice's pot while I waited for the coffee water to boil, forcing the water up and into the top chamber to brew. I turned off the heat and waited for the coffee to cool slightly and drip back down in the bottom pot.

It was no Mr. Coffee, but it was pretty impressive and it got the job done.

"Think this is ready?" Alice asked, still whisking the pot of chocolate syrup. It had thickened slightly and now coated the whisk, dripping off in brown, shiny ribbons.

"Looks good," I said, handing her a little salt and vanilla to add to the pot before we set it aside to cool.

Heating the milk was no problem, but getting the foam proved to be a bit of a challenge. I poured the hot milk into a bottle and capped it, wrapping it in a towel before I started to shake it.

"It's important to get it frothy," I explained to Alice.

"Why?" she asked.

"So you have foam," I told her.

"Why do you need foam?"

"Ummm…" Why _did_ you need foam anyway? It really just kind of dissolved away after a few minutes and it just tasted like… milk.

Huh.

"You just do," I said stubbornly, shaking the bottle furiously. When it looked sufficiently frothed, I twisted off the cap.

And hot milk sprayed up into the air and all over Maggie's ceiling.

"Shit!" I exclaimed, darting to the side to avoid the dripping milk.

"Huh." Alice's eyes were on the milky ceiling tiles. "Too frothy, maybe?"

Our eyes met and my mouth twitched. Before long we were giggling and Maggie walked in to find me mopping the ceiling as Alice heated more milk.

"Good Lord! What happened here?" she exclaimed, agitation thickening her brogue. "What have you done to my kitchen?"

"Ummm…." I mumbled, scrubbing furiously at the ceiling. "We had a little problem with the milk."

Maggie stared aghast at the mess. "I can see that. And how did it get on the ceiling?"

"She was trying to get it frothy," Alice explained.

"Frothy?" Maggie repeated, mystified.

Alice nodded. "For the foam."

"Foam?" Maggie turned confused eyes on my. "You're trying to make foamy milk? What on earth for?"

I thought about trying to explain, but instead my shoulders slumped and I exhaled heavily.

"I have no idea," I said, setting the mop in the bucket.

"Uh huh," Maggie said uncertainly, obviously thinking I was crazy.

I huffed, reaching for the hot milk and mixing the ingredients for a 1918 mocha, sans foam.

My barista would be appalled.

I spooned on some whipped cream and handed one each to Alice and Maggie, both of them eyeing the cups skeptically.

"Just try it," I urged, rolling my eyes.

They looked at each other and shrugged before taking a small sip… then, after exchanging a surprised glance, taking a bigger drink.

"Good, huh?" I asked with a grin.

They both nodded, sipping at the chocolatey drink enthusiastically.

"You could sell these in a restaurant," Maggie complimented. "Or maybe a little shop so people could pick up a cup on the way to wherever they're headed."

Alice and I exchanged a glance and giggled.

"What?" Maggie asked, taking another sip of her coffee.

"You're just a woman ahead of her time," I said, turning around with a chuckle to mix a mocha for myself.

x-x

      

"I still think you should wear the other one," Alice insisted, perched next to Samantha on her bed. We'd spent most of the day helping to set up for the charity ball, and Samantha had suggested we all just go to her house to get ready, since she was loaning gowns to Alice and me anyway. Alice and Samantha had quickly decided what they were going to wear, but I was having some difficulty.

"I don't know, Alice," I said, turning to examine my reflection from another angle. "This one is pretty comfortable – and the other one has a train. We both know that's an accident waiting to happen. Plus, it's pink. I'm not really a pink person."

"It's not pink, it's _rose_ … and you _always_ wear blue," Alice said in exasperation, rising to look over my shoulder at the mirror. The dress was pale blue satin with a sheer overlay that draped in delicate folds to points all along the hem. The bodice wrapped around my minimal chest in a flattering way, with more of the sheer fabric covering my shoulders and arms.

"And look at those flowing sleeves," Alice continued. "They're beautiful, but you know they'll end up in the punchbowl." Samantha giggled at that and I rolled my eyes, knowing she was right.

I quickly changed into the rose-colored gown and went back to the mirror. It was beautiful, a dark pink with a deep, draped neckline and curved skirt tucked up into several pleats, revealing a paler pink underskirt with a flowered pattern and matching trim. I walked around a bit to make sure I wouldn't step on the train, then Alice and Samantha joined me at the mirror.

"We look wonderful," Samantha declared with a grin. I had to agree. Alice wore a deep green dress with a wrap bodice and jet beading detail that set off her coloring perfectly. Samantha opted for pale yellow silk with a delicate white lace overlay, accented with silk roses. Between Samantha and her mother, we managed to find matching shoes that fit and Samantha handed out pairs of long white gloves, which I eyed skeptically.

Samantha seemed to read my mind and said, smiling, "Just take them off when you're pouring punch. Oh, and one more thing…" She walked over to a small dresser and opened a drawer, pulling out a rhinestone barrette. I tucked Edward's handkerchief into the top of my glove as she clipped the barrette into my upswept curls and observed me critically.

"All right," she declared. "I believe we're ready."

The three of us rode with Samantha's parents, since we needed to arrive at the ballroom early. Tom planned to meet us there about a half an hour later. Despite my disdain for dancing, I couldn't help the thrill of excitement that ran through me when we neared the hotel where the ball would be held.

Samantha had told me that the current Palmer House was rebuilt after the Chicago fire destroyed the original one. Constructed out of primarily iron and brick, it was advertised as "The World's Only Fireproof Hotel" and was one of the most luxurious hotels in the city. Supposedly, the barber shop floor was tiled with silver dollars. I'd tried to get Samantha to go with me to see it, but she'd looked at me like I'd grown a third head and said a barber shop wasn't a place for ladies.

I didn't know what was so scandalous about a bunch of men getting shaves and haircuts, but whatever.

The hotel was impressive though, even outshining the Leland in Springfield, in my opinion. As Mr. Swenson parked the car, the four of us walked through the lobby to the grand ballroom and I once again marveled at the gilded columns, sparkling chandeliers, and shining marble floors covered with thick Persian rugs. We had set up easels beside the entrance to the ballroom, one holding a large sign welcoming everyone to the ball, and several others with photographs of the Chicago Orphan Asylum and little children currently housed there.

  


The lights were dimmed inside the spacious ballroom. The chandeliers cast a warm glow, accented by candlelight on the tables and on the sills of the many massive windows. An orchestra was setting up on the stage on the far side of the room as waiters and volunteers bustled around with last-minute preparations. The wood floor gleamed and our heels clicked in unison as we approached Mrs. Masen at the refreshment table. She exchanged greetings with Mrs. Swenson and the two conferred for a moment before turning to us.

"All right," Mrs. Masen said in a businesslike voice. "Samantha and Alice, you'll be working in the cloakroom, off the lobby. There will be four other girls stationed there as well, so you can take turns dancing as long as there are always three or four girls checking coats. You'll also be handing out programs and selling the raffle tickets."

She turned to me. "Bella, you'll be here at the refreshment table. I've assigned…" She consulted a list she held. "…eight of you, and we'll want to make sure there are always four of you working. You'll need to keep the platters full and serve punch. The kitchen is right through there," she said, pointing to a doorway a few feet away, "and the cooking staff will be preparing the platters and delivering them. You just need to let them know if we're running out of anything. Any questions?"

At our negative replies, Mrs. Masen turned to walk away with Samantha's mother. I followed her, calling out, "Mrs. Masen?" She stopped, and I stepped up to her. "Have you… uh… heard how Edward did today at the meet?"

She smiled softly and exchanged a meaningful glance with Mrs. Swenson. "No, dear," she said, patting my hand. "I had hoped he or my husband would have telephoned before I had to leave the house, but I guess they didn't get a chance."

I nodded and followed Samantha and Alice out to the cloakroom so we could hang up our coats. A table was set up in front of the cloak room door where Samantha and Alice would be working. Samantha reached toward a stack of white booklets in a large basket.

"Don't forget your programs," she said, handing one to Alice then to me, before hanging one on her wrist with an attached gold cord. I paged through the booklet absently, unsure of why I needed a program for a ball.

  


"It's a dance card," Alice explained once Samantha excused herself to step outside in search of Tom.

"Seriously?" I asked. "I've never seen one before." The program was heavy white stock, with a cover that read "Charity Ball: To Benefit Chicago Orphan's Asylum" in engraved gold letters. A small gold pencil was attached to the loop of gold cording and I held it up, looking at Alice questioningly.

She giggled. "It's to write down who you'll be dancing with," she explained, flipping the booklet open. "See, here are the songs the orchestra will be playing," she said, pointing to a numbered list on the left side. "It also says what kind of dance it'll be." I noticed it alternated between Two-Step and Waltz, with a Foxtrot mixed in here and there.

"When a guy asks for a dance, you write his name on the blank next to it," she continued, pointing out a column of blank lines on the right page under the title "Engagements".

"Geez. It's so complicated," I muttered. "Why don't they just ask someone to dance… and dance?"

Alice laughed. "Oh, just go with it, Bella. It's part of the experience."

"Not my experience," I retorted, tossing the program back in the basket. "I'm pouring punch. I'm not dancing."

"Oh, yes you are," a masculine voice said from behind me. I turned to see Tom, in a white tie and tails, approaching with Samantha. "You can't come to one of these things and not dance at all, Bella."

Samantha nodded. "He's right," she agreed. "You need to dance at least a few or my mother will partner you with one of my obnoxious cousins." She gave an exaggerated shudder and I rolled my eyes.

"I've met them, Bella," Tom said conspiratorially. "Believe me, you don't want that to happen."

Alice and Samantha laughed and I resignedly pulled a program from the basket, handing it to Tom, who signed his name to two dances before hanging it on my wrist. He did the same for Alice, then filled in considerably more blanks on Samantha's program.

"I do need to work, you know," Samantha teased, but Tom just shrugged and grinned before heading into the ballroom to find a seat.

I chatted with Samantha and Alice for a while, but when guests started to arrive, I headed into the ballroom to my station. Mrs. Masen was at the refreshment table and introduced me to the other girls who would be working. They were all excited to be there and wanted to compare dance cards so we could work out a schedule for the evening. I gladly said I'd stay at the table throughout the evening, except for my two dances with Tom. The other girls looked at me like I might just be a little crazy, but didn't complain since it freed up more time for them to dance.

It was a little strange, but the music didn't start once people began filtering into the glittering ballroom. I wished Alice had been assigned to me, since she had more experience with this kind of thing and would be able to explain it. She'd told me she'd been to dozens of balls in her life, once she'd found Jasper. Although that was still quite a few years in the future, I figured the basics had to be the same.

So I just stood with the other girls, rearranging the platters as people came and filled their plates. The other girls all wanted to pour punch, since that gave them more of an opportunity to chat with any gentlemen who approached, but I was happy to run back and forth to the kitchen and avoid any potential stains on my gloves.

Or maybe dropping the stupid dance card in the punchbowl.

Okay, yeah. I thought about it.

But then Mrs. Swenson came by and introduced Samantha's cousins to us and I rethought my plan. They were both short, pale, and snickered constantly, punching each other in the arm. I even caught one of them trying to look down a girl's dress.

Samantha was right. They were obnoxious.

So I settled for trying to be as invisible as possible, and keeping the rest of the blanks on my dance card empty. It was pretty easy, since the other girls were quick to jump on any attractive guy in a ten-foot radius. I just kept my eyes lowered and my hands busy until I heard the orchestra leader speak into a microphone, his voice echoing around the vast ballroom.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he intoned. "The Chicago Children's Society would like to welcome you all to the Annual Charity Ball to Benefit the Chicago Orphan Asylum, and thank you for your support of this worthy cause. Now, without further ado, please take your places for the Grand March!"

I noticed the girls from the cloakroom were gathered at the entrance, watching raptly, except for Samantha, who was walking toward the dance floor with Tom. All of the couples lined up, each woman resting her fingertips in the crook of their escort's arm. I noticed Mr. and Mrs. Swenson at the front of the line, followed by Mrs. Masen and a family friend, who'd stepped in to escort her when her husband couldn't. Other members of the planning committee I met at the meeting at the Masen's house came next, followed by the rest of the guests. The music started and the pairs filed onto the dance floor in a wide circle, walking in time to the waltz played by the orchestra. Once they were all in position, the ladies faced their partners and all of the couples began to whirl around the floor. The colors of the ladies' gowns swirled like a kaleidoscope around the dance floor, interrupted only by the stark black and white of the men in their formalwear, and the shining glimmer of the hardwood floor.

I blinked at the spectacle and found myself wishing I had a video camera. It was pretty impressive.

Once the Grand March was over, things relaxed a bit. A lot of couples stayed on the dance floor, but some filtered over to the refreshment table before finding a seat at one of the tables. I found myself quite busy, serving sandwiches and little cakes with tongs and going back and forth to the kitchen when we ran low on something. I spotted Alice on the dance floor a few times. Of course, she was an incredible dancer, graceful and glowing as she foxtrotted and two-stepped. I chatted with the other girls working the refreshment table, and with some of the committee members as they stopped by, and realized I was actually having a good time.

Of course, it couldn't last.

Because eventually, Tom showed up to claim his dances.

"Do we really have to do this?" I whined, knowing I sounded like a baby, but not really caring.

Tom laughed. "Oh, cheer up, Bella. You might actually have fun."

I smiled, not wanting him to feel bad. "Okay, I'll try," I said, as we found a spot and he turned to me, taking one of my hands in his, and resting his other on my waist. "So, how do we do this, anyway?"

Tom chuckled. "You really don't dance, do you?" At my embarrassed shrug, he smiled sympathetically. "Well, this is a two-step," he began, "So think of it as slow… quick-quick."

"Slow… quick-quick," I repeated.

"Right," he nodded. "So we'll start to my left… your right… slooooowwww…" He stepped forward with his left foot and I mirrored him. "Good. Now the other foot steps over quick, then the other foot in place. It's kind of a rocking motion," he explained. We practiced a few times, then the music began.

"Ready?" Tom asked, grinning. I nodded, concentrating on my feet, my lip between my teeth.

"Relax, Bella," he said with a laugh. "And look up. You'll do fine."

I actually did. Tom was very patient and kept the steps simple and I caught on pretty quickly, if I did say so myself. We even worked in a couple of turns before the music ended.

"That was fun!" I said enthusiastically.

"I told you!" Tom laughed.

"This next one is a waltz," he said once we came to a stop. I was actually familiar with the waltz, so it just took a few practice steps for me to feel comfortable.

_Thank you "Dancing with the Stars."_

Then, just as we were about to begin, the orchestra leader stepped to the microphone.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it is time to change partners," he said and my panicked eyes flew to Tom's. He squeezed my hand before releasing me.

"You'll be fine," he said encouragingly before the announcement continued.

"Ladies, please remain where you are," he instructed. "Gentlemen, you must circle the dance floor until the music stops. The lady you are nearest to at that point is your new partner."

"I'll just go," I whispered, moving toward the edge of the floor, but the orchestra leader called out.

"Please do not leave the dance floor," he scolded.

 _Asshole._ I fought the urge to flick my dance card at his head, ninja style.

"Everyone must remain so each dancer has a partner," he explained, and I turned to him with a sheepish smile, going back to my place.

"Thank you," he said. "And now… begin!"

The music started and I focused on the tips of my toes, terrified at the idea of dancing with someone I didn't know. I mean, it's not like I was really shy. But with my lack of dancing experience… and general lack of 1918 ball knowledge, I was worried I'd say or do something really stupid. I realized I was chewing on my thumbnail and quickly dropped my hand to my side, fidgeting nervously as pair after pair of shiny black shoes filed past me.

Finally, the music stopped and I inhaled deeply as the final pair of shoes approached me.

"Hello," a voice intoned, "it appears we are partners."

I froze. Something about the voice teased at my memory… it was familiar, somehow, although I couldn't place where I'd heard it before. I slowly raised my eyes, taking in the crisp pleat running along the front of his pants, the black tailcoat bordering a snowy white vest and shirt, the perfect bow of his tie, and finally up to his smiling face.

A face that stopped my heart, then started it pounding madly.

A face that still appeared in my nightmares.

It was off… different. The hair was still blonde and long… but clean. It glistened slightly from pomade, brushed back over his ears and tied back neatly. The skin was ruddier and slightly pockmarked… less perfect. The smile seemed genuine, instead of mocking and scornful.

And the eyes.

The eyes were pale and icy blue instead of terrifying… bone-chilling… red.

He extended a palm, raising his eyebrows in expectation. Numb and dazed, I unconsciously lifted my hand and placed it in his. He bowed over it gallantly, his blue eyes twinkling.

"It's a pleasure to make the acquaintance of such a lovely young lady," he said with a charming smile that made my blood run cold.

"My name is James."


	20. Of Dancing and Dark Alleys

  


_**"Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it."** _

_**\- Lt. John B. Putnam Jr.** _

**Chapter 19 – Of Dancing and Dark Alleys**

" _My name is James."_

_James._

_James._

The words echoed around in my head as my muddled brain tried to make sense of what was happening. Rationality fled in that moment and I was filled with a mix of panic and dread… frozen in place, yet yearning to run away screaming. The people around me faded and shifted, drifting into darkness as James filled the tunnel of my vision.

All I could see was that face.

James was here.

 _James was here_.

But James was _dead._ I was there when the Cullens killed him. How could he be here? Why was he here? My heart hammered in my chest and I felt my breath escaping in quick pants. I started suddenly, pulling my fingers from his grasp and cupping a hand protectively over my scar. The scar that _he_ gave me.

James hurt me.

James _would_ hurt me.

James wanted to _kill_ me.

I had to get away.

"Miss?" He spoke, his voice sounding as if it was coming from a great distance. "Are you all right?"

The words didn't register. I had to find Alice. She would know what to do. My eyes searched the dance floor frantically, but she was nowhere in sight.

Where was she? I needed her.

But no. Alice had to stay away. James would hurt her too. I had to protect her.

My tunnel vision grew even smaller and spots began to float about in front of me. Somewhere in the far reaches of my logical mind I realized I was having a panic attack, and if I didn't regulate my breathing I would pass out. I closed my eyes, trying to will myself to calm down.

"Miss? Do you need me to get someone?"

I inhaled deeply a few times and felt the dizziness abate. I opened my eyes and blinked at the man in front of me as I felt my panic slowly begin to be edged out by reason.

"What?" I asked breathlessly.

Concern creased his brow. "I asked if you needed me to get someone. You seem like you're not feeling well," he said. "Do you need help?"

Help.

He wanted to help me. Why would James want to help me?

Gradually, the tunnel widened and my heart rate slowed as rational thought returned.

James was here, but not the James that I knew. Not the James that hurt me… tortured me… and sank his razor sharp teeth into my flesh, wanting to bleed me dry.

This James… was just a man.

A man who wanted to dance with me.

"Do you want to sit down?" he asked. I noticed the music hadn't started yet, as many of the men were still introducing themselves to their partners and making small talk. We had only been standing there for a couple of moments, although it had seemed like hours.

"Sit down?" I repeated, trying to figure out what to do. God knows, I didn't want to dance with him – human or not.

"No, I don't need to sit down. I'm fine," I said finally. "But I really should get back to the refreshment table." I started to walk around him, but he grabbed my hand.

"You're not going to run away from me, are you?" My eyes flashed to his, my hair standing on end. Humor lit his features, though, and even though I searched for it. I saw no threat.

"It's only one dance," he cajoled. "Don't worry. I won't bite." He grinned in what most would find a charming way, but it only set me more on edge.

I could have insisted. I could have gotten away from him, but my gut told me that could be a mistake. The last time I ran from James it only increased his desire to chase me.

I had to be invisible.

I had to be uninteresting and unmemorable… boring… unchallenging. He had to leave this dance floor and forget I ever existed.

I decided the best way to do that was to dance with him, and make it as unremarkable as possible. I didn't want James to know me… to remember me.

With determination, I set my hand on his shoulder as the music started. "One dance," I agreed. "Let's waltz."

We whirled around the dance floor as I avoided his eyes, looking pointedly over his left shoulder. I tried to focus on counting out the time of the dance in an attempt to distract myself and keep the fear still lurking at the edges of my consciousness at bay.

_One, two, three… One, two, three…_

"What's your name?" He asked, interrupting my counting.

_Yeah. Not falling for that one._

I needed a good boring name. I thought quickly and almost smirked at my choice.

"Jane," I replied.

"Jane what?" he asked.

God, he was pushy.

"Smith," I said shortly.

"Well, it's lovely to meet you, Miss Smith," he said pleasantly before spinning me gracefully, never missing a step.

Huh. Didn't know I could do that. James was actually a pretty good dancer.

For a homicidal maniac.

"And are you from Chicago, originally?" he prodded, guiding me between two other couples.

"No."

He chuckled. "You aren't making this easy, are you?"

I flashed him an annoyed glance. "Making what easy?"

"Conversation," he answered, seemingly unperturbed.

I looked back over his shoulder. "I was under the impression we were dancing, not chit-chatting," I responded dispassionately, then winced a bit at the bitchiness that seeped through.

_Don't get mad, Bella. Stay neutral. Stay boring._

But James either didn't notice my hostile undertone, or it didn't bother him one bit.

"One is much more pleasurable when accompanied by the other," he said with a wink.

Good God. He was flirting with me.

I might have thrown up in my mouth a little.

I took a deep breath, controlling my distaste. "I grew up in Springfield," I lied, not wanting to tell him anything true about myself. "I've lived here for a few months."

"You're joking!" he exclaimed, his mouth in a wide smile. "I'm from Springfield. I'm just here visiting friends for the weekend."

 _Perfect. Just perfect_.

"Where did you go to school?" he asked.

_Crap._

"Erm… Where did you go?" I countered.

"Springfield High School."

I swallowed, looking away. "Oh, well… I didn't go there."

He smirked. "Yes, I'm aware of that. I'm relatively sure I would have remembered you."

I was silent for a moment as we circled the dance floor, then I realized he was still waiting for me to answer with a patient smile on his face.

I sighed and tried not to roll my eyes. "I went to… Catholic school."

"Ursuline Academy?"

I nodded, hoping that would satisfy his curiosity. No such luck.

"Did you know Anne Wilkins?" he asked. "She attended Ursuline."

"Uh… no… when did she graduate?" I floundered, wishing the stupid waltz would just end already.

He thought for a moment. "Three years ago, I think?"

"Well, that explains it," I said with a slight shrug. "She was ahead of me a couple of years."

James steered me around the edge of the dance floor. "Does your family still live there?" he asked.

Geez. The guy just wouldn't leave it alone.

"No… my parents passed away," I said curtly.

"Oh." He swallowed uncomfortably. "I'm very sorry for your loss."

I nodded. Mercifully, James was silent for the remainder of the dance, and I struggled not to weep in relief when the last notes of the song finally faded.

He bowed over my hand once again. "Thank you for the pleasure, Miss Smith. May I request another dance?"

"Uh… Thank you, but I can't. I need to get back to work," I mumbled.

"Well, perhaps a little later. I know where to find you," he said teasingly. I started to walk away and I heard him call out from behind me. "You dropped something."

I should have ignored him, but I turned around without thinking to see him holding up my handkerchief.

"Oh, thanks," I muttered, reaching for it, but he pulled his hand back quickly, tucking the handkerchief in his jacket pocket.

"I'll tell you what," he said with a grin, "I'll give it back to you after our next dance."

I fought the urge to slap him and instead turned on my heel to walk away.

_Don't hold your breath._

I was reluctant to look back, half-worried that I'd find him following me. But when I got to the refreshment table, I turned around and James was nowhere in sight.

Sighing in relief, I leaned on the table.

"Are you all right, Bella?" asked one of the other girls. I think her name was Sylvia. Or Sophia.

"Yes," I smiled shakily. "Yes, I'm fine."

"Who was that man?" She scanned the crowd, evidently looking for James. "He was very handsome," she observed.

I rearranged some cookies on a tray. "I don't really know him. He's from out of town," I said indifferently, my nerves finally calming. "Would you mind watching my area for a minute? I just need to run out to the cloakroom and talk to Alice really quick."

Sophia… or Sylvia… agreed readily, so I set out to walk across the ballroom. I was worried that Alice would run into James, and I wanted to both warn her and see if his appearance rang any vision-bells. I was about halfway across the room when I spotted James talking to some other guys. His eyes darted around the room quickly before he pulled a silver flask from his coat pocket and took a sip. He poured some more into a punch cup and replaced the flask before his gaze landed on me, his lips pulling up in a lazy grin.

_Shit!_

I looked away quickly, turning abruptly to walk in the other direction. I had only taken a couple of steps when I ran into Mrs. Masen.

"Bella! Thank goodness. I was just looking for you," she said quickly. "I need your help with the raffle."

"Oh… sure… I just needed to talk to Alice for a second," I replied, edging toward the lobby entrance.

"Dear, can it wait?" She linked her arm with mine, propelling me back toward the stage, and I realized it wasn't a question. "We'll be drawing for the raffle prizes during the intermission right after this song," she explained. "Mrs. Corday's daughter was going to help me, but she fell ill and had to go home. I'm afraid I'm a bit desperate."

"What do you need me to do?" I asked, casting a glance toward the lobby just in time to see James watching me once again. He lifted his punch cup in a salute and I spun back around.

"I'll be drawing the names," Mrs. Masen continued, unaware of my discomfort. "I just need for you to bring each item up and show it off as I describe it."

Great. Now I was Vanna White.

"Um… sure… I can do that," I stammered.

"That's fine, dear. Thank you so much." She patted my hand, then showed me where the raffle items were stored in a curtained area near the stage. When the music ended and the orchestra leader announced the intermission, Mrs. Masen made her way to the microphone and I carried a glass bowl filled with slips of paper to set on a small table next to her. She thanked me with a nod and whispered, "The journal is first." I went behind the curtain to grab the writing journal, taking a moment to admire its thick pages and soft leather cover embossed with a fleur-de-lis in the corner.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Mrs. Masen announced. "On behalf of the Chicago Children's Society I would like to thank you for coming tonight and supporting the Chicago Orphan's Asylum. The funds raised tonight will be used to build a new wing for the asylum, which will enable it to house an additional two hundred children. So thank you again."

The crowd broke out in polite applause and Mrs. Masen smiled and nodded gratefully. "In addition to purchasing tickets to attend tonight's event, many of you have extended that generosity even further by purchasing raffle tickets. The prizes have been donated by local businesses and by committee members, and we would like to show our appreciation to them as well. They are noted in your program, so please be sure to take note.

"With that, let's get the raffle underway, shall we?" She turned to beckon to me and I walked onto the stage, holding the journal before me. I spotted Alice standing with Samantha by the lobby doors. I was dying to get a message to her, but didn't know how without drawing attention. Fortunately, James was on the other side of the room, in the midst of the crowd, so at least I didn't have to worry about him getting to her.

Of course, she wasn't the one on his mind, apparently. When he caught my eye, he smiled and winked and I longed to throw the journal at his pompous head.

"Our first item is a leather-bound journal donated by Hector and Lacey Peterson of Peterson's Mercantile," Mrs. Masen said before reaching into the bowl and pulling out a slip of paper. "The winner is number seventy-two."

An older woman clapped happily, then came up to the stage, holding her matching slip of paper above her head. I handed her the journal, and she surprised me by hugging me tightly.

James smirked.

Why was he still watching me? I was boring. Uninteresting. Dull as dishwater.

Maybe he liked that.

Freak.

The raffle continued as Mrs. Masen selected winners for a set of linen handkerchiefs, a box of imported Belgian chocolates, and the collected works of William Shakespeare. Alice and Samantha disappeared from the doorway. I figured they had gone back to the cloakroom to help some of the older couples who had decided to call it a night.

The final prize was a gorgeous handmade wedding ring quilt in shades of blue and lavender… but first came a carved crystal vase full of long-stemmed pink roses. I carefully lugged the vase onto the stage, praying I wouldn't drop it and shatter it into a million pieces. I set it on the table next to the glass bowl and stood back as Mrs. Masen drew the next number.

"Number one hundred twenty-four," she called out, looking over the crowd.

Masculine laughter rang out, and I spotted James and his friends exchanging shoves and pats on the back. James took another quick gulp of his spiked punch, then walked up toward the stage. He handed his slip to Mrs. Masen, who compared it to the one she held before smiling and congratulating him. He crossed behind her to the table and picked up the vase easily, plucking out a single rose and shaking off the water clinging to its stem.

"For the loveliest rose in the room," he murmured, handing it to me with a bow. The crowd applauded and I flushed hotly, taking the rose with a muttered thank you and heading back toward the curtained area.

This was so not going as I had hoped. I grabbed the quilt and walked back out onto the stage. James was sitting with his friends at one of the tables, handing out roses to the girls nearby and sipping from his flask. I felt a little relieved. Maybe he just flirted with everyone.

Just as I began to relax, though, his gaze returned to me and he wiggled his fingers in a small wave.

Ugh. God, I had to get out of there… and fast.

Mrs. Masen announced the winning number for the wedding ring quilt and I handed it over to a thrilled young woman. I helped Edward's mother move the bowl and table back behind the curtain as the orchestra started to play another waltz.

"Umm… Mrs. Masen?" I began, feeling bad for abandoning her, but desperate to escape the soon-to-be-crazy-killer-vampire who seemed to have taken a shine to me. I needed to disappear. There were dozens of other girls there that night and I knew once I was out of sight, I'd be out of mind.

At least I really hoped so.

"What is it, dear?" she asked distractedly, checking her ever-present list once again.

I swallowed deeply. "I'm sorry, but I'm really not feeling very well. I think I need to leave," I said in a rush.

She looked up in concern. "Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry. I'll get Mr. Swenson to drive you home… or maybe Tom."

"No, that's okay," I said hurriedly. I needed Alice. I needed to speak with Alice. "I'll just get Alice and we can take the 'L'."

"Are you sure, dear?" she asked, worry creasing her brow. "I don't like the idea of you girls alone on the 'L' at night."

"It's fine. We do it all the time," I assured her. "I don't want to ruin anyone else's night. Please. We'll be fine. I just need to go." I felt my hands shaking as my nerves got the best of me. I needed to get away from there. I needed to get away from James.

"All right, if you're sure," she said slowly. "You really don't look well."

"I just need to get to bed, I think," I replied.

"Well, get some rest and thank you for all your help, Bella. I really appreciate it."

I nodded in acknowledgement and walked out from behind the curtain. I scanned the dance floor, looking for Alice, but didn't see her. Thankfully, I didn't see James either, and my tense muscles relaxed just a little. I made my way out to the lobby and found Samantha by the cloakroom.

"Hi Bella! Are you having fun?" she asked brightly.

"Uh… yeah… sure," I said unconvincingly. Ignoring her confused look, I added, "Have you seen Alice?"

Samantha bit her lip. "She was going to the ladies room, but she said she'd be back shortly."

I considered going to look for Alice in the bathroom, but to do that, I'd have to walk back through the ballroom. I felt lucky having escaped without James spotting me, so decided to wait for her outside.

"When she gets back, could you tell her I'm out front?" I asked Samantha. "I'm not feeling very well and I think I need to go home, but I don't want to go alone."

"I could get Tom…" Samantha offered.

"No, you both should stay and have fun," I responded, fighting my frustration at all of the people who just wanted to help me when I just wanted to get the hell out of there. "Besides, they need you here. Just tell Alice to meet me outside, okay?"

Samantha agreed and I walked out the front doors. The night was clear and warm, a perfect spring evening, with stars twinkling brightly above the streetlights. I paced back and forth for a few minutes, avoiding the windows looking into the lobby area as I waited for Alice. A few couples trickled out of the hotel and walked laughing down the street and I smiled. It had been a fun evening, except for the whole creepy James thing. I did wish Edward had been there… but then he would have met James. That would have been really weird.

I wondered absently what effect that meeting would have had on the future. Of course, they never met… and if I succeeded, they never would. James would go on with his life… or death, as the case may be… and become the vampire we all knew and hated.

Ugh.

Absorbed in my thoughts, I didn't realize I had walked almost a block away from the entrance to the hotel. I turned to walk back and came face to face with the one person I'd been hoping to avoid.

"There you are," James said, a smug grin on his face. "You didn't think you could leave without saying goodbye, did you?"

Involuntarily, I took a step backward. I could smell the liquor on his breath as he matched my movements. "I saw you watching me," he said in a low voice.

"What?" I croaked, fear tingling down my spine.

"In the ballroom," he clarified. "You couldn't keep your eyes off of me." He took a step closer. "It's all right. I couldn't keep mine off you either."

"But I wasn't…" I began.

But I was. I was watching him and he thought it was because I was attracted to him. How could I explain that I was watching him because he creeps me the hell out?

"I… I… think you've misunderstood," I began, trying to think and speak rationally. That was the key. I needed to be calm. "I wasn't watching you. I just caught your eye a couple of times." I took another step backward, but he continued to advance.

"I have a boyfriend," I blurted out.

"Oh?" he asked, sipping from his flask as his words slurred slightly, "And where is he tonight? What kind of man would leave such a beautiful girl all alone?"

He loomed over me, his hot breath wafting over my skin… but instead of warmth, all I could feel was a cold chill wringing trembles from my body.

"You're shivering," he murmured, as he leaned toward me as if to kiss me.

I stepped back again quickly, striking my elbow on something hard. I grunted and spun around, noticing I'd banged my arm on an iron gate hanging open across the hotel's side alley.

Oh, God.

The alley.

My eyes darted around the dark space as I whirled back around to face James. He stood at the mouth of the alley in the space left by the open gate. I turned back around to run, but felt his arms wrap around me in an iron grip.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, holding me tightly as I struggled against him. "There's no need to fight. I won't hurt you," he added. I felt him plant a wet kiss on the side of my neck and cringed.

Oh, God.

God help me.

"Let me go… please," I pleaded. "Stop… don't…"

"It's all right," he whispered, his lips brushing my ear. "No one has to know. You know you want this."

"Please… no…" I begged, frozen in terror.

"Come on, Jane… Don't fight me. This will be fun… you'll see." He sucked on my ear lobe, then bit it hard and I flinched. I opened my mouth to scream, but he clamped his hand over my lips and dragged me further into the alley.

"Don't be like that," he cajoled. I grimaced at the smell of stale liquor on his breath. "You've been asking for this all night… begging for it."

Suddenly, my fear fled. Well, it didn't actually flee, but it took a back seat to a more powerful emotion.

Anger.

My mind had painted James as undefeatable… a monster who had me at his mercy. But this James was _human_ … just an ordinary man, I reminded myself. A man who was currently trying to force his attentions on me.

_Asshole._

I took a deep breath through my nose, centering myself and ignoring the feel of his tongue on my neck… his arm around my waist… his hand on my mouth. I was the daughter of a cop and I knew how to defend myself. I just had to remain calm and look for an opening.

"You smell so good," he murmured, "absolutely delicious."

I forced myself to relax and wait for my chance. It came a moment later. His grip loosened, as his hands moved to my waist, rubbing gently.

"That's it," he said encouragingly. "You'll like this. I promise."

A wave of calm swept through me as my thoughts focused. I remembered the acronym that Charlie had pounded into my head since I was a little girl. We'd been watching Miss Congeniality as undercover F.B.I. agent Sandra Bullock demonstrated self-defense moves for the talent portion of the beauty contest.

Sure, it was a romantic comedy, but Charlie was always looking for teachable moments when it came to keeping me safe.

"Don't forget that, Bella," he'd said as we watched Sandra incapacitate her co-star. "Just stay calm and remember to SING."

S.I.N.G.

I took another breath and felt James relax even further behind me as his kisses swept to my shoulder. Now was the time.

_Solar Plexus_

I reached forward, then jammed my elbow back into the front of his chest with all my strength. I heard him grunt and his hands released me.

_Instep_

Without pausing, I lifted my foot and stomped my heel down onto his foot, putting all my weight behind the blow. He hunched over, moaning.

_Nose_

I spun around and used the heel of my hand to punch him as hard as I could in the nose. His hands flew to his face, his eyes squeezed shut in pain as blood trickled down his chin.

_Groin_

I grabbed his shoulders, using leverage to slam my knee into his crotch. James froze in pain momentarily before crumpling to the ground with a whimpered curse. He hit his head hard on the cement and for a moment he lay motionless, only a low moan escaping his lips.

The adrenaline raced through me as I poised to run, then I stopped to looked down at him lying on the ground, his hands clutched protectively between his legs. Heavy breaths escaped my lips and my head spun as I hovered over him, a new plan forming in my mind.

I had to stop James. It wasn't just about stopping him from attacking me now… it was about stopping him from hurting anyone ever again. I thought about the people he would terrorize… the innocent people he would kill in the years to come. I thought about how he hunted me like an animal from Forks to Phoenix… how he threw me around the ballet studio… how he broke my leg with a gleeful smile and taunted me with a video camera.

I thought about how he bit me… with every intention of killing me.

I had to stop him.

I spotted a thick piece of wood leaning against a stack of boxes and resolutely walked over to take it in both hands. I could feel my heart pounding, the vibration echoing through every limb as my blood ran hot and fast through my body. The air was silent as I returned to his side, the only sound my heaving breaths as James lay unconscious and unmoving.

He was helpless at that moment. He couldn't fight back. I could stop him. I could protect all of them… everyone he was going to hurt.

I raised the two-by-four over my head, bracing my feet and preparing to strike. One good, strong hit was all it would take. Maybe two.

"Bella! No!"

I heard a voice on the edges of my consciousness, but it made no dent in my determination. I took a deep breath, every atom in my body focused on the man lying at my feet.

The man I was going to kill.

"Bella! Please… No!" The piece of wood shook in my hands and it took me a moment to realize it was because someone was pulling at me. Dazed, I looked over to find Alice clinging to my arm, tears streaming down her face.

"Alice?" I was confused. Why was Alice there?

"You can't do this, Bella," she sobbed. "Please don't do this!"

"I have to," a dull lifeless voice responded, then I realized it was mine.

"No, Bella… you can't!" Alice begged, dragging at my elbow.

I stared at her dispassionately. "How can you say that? After all he's done?" My fingernails dug into the piece of wood and my arms ached from holding it up, my muscles tense.

"He hasn't done anything, Bella." Alice's words were barely recognizable through her tears. "You can't punish him for things he hasn't done yet!"

"But he will!" I retorted. "You, of all people, should know that, Alice! I have to stop him! I'm doing this for all of us!" I snarled venomously. She blinked in surprise at my tone, but didn't release me.

"No," she whispered, then her voice strengthened. "No. No, Bella, not for me.

"Don't you see?" The pleading re-entered her tone. "If you do this, Bella, I have no future. I'll live out the rest of my life in a cold dark room in a mental hospital. I'll die alone and afraid… I've seen it."

My eyes strayed from Alice's agonized expression back down to where James still lay in the fetal position. He was coming around, writhing slightly as low moaning curses filtered through his lips.

"Please, Bella," she said quietly. "He has to live… or I never will."

I closed my eyes as I realized the truth of what Alice was saying. If James died - if I killed him at that moment - he'd never become a vampire. He'd never find Alice in the mental institution. If he never found her… hunted her… the vampire who cared for her would never have a reason to change her. She'd never find Jasper or the Cullens. She'd live out her human life, if you could call it that, in a tiny cell filled only with darkness and pain.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't do that to Alice.

With a slump of my shoulders, I dropped the two-by-four and it clattered to the damp cement. I heard Alice breathe a sigh of relief.

"Thank you," she whispered, reaching up to hug me tightly. Fighting tears, I clung to her for a moment. "I saw it. I saw it all," she murmured. "Then Samantha said you'd left… I thought I might be too late."

"You almost were."

Alice linked her arm through mine and led me toward the mouth of the alley. Still dazed, I let her pull me forward until she stopped next to the gate.

"Hold on a second," she said, pulling her arm free.

I watched as she turned and walked back toward James. She tilted her head, observing him for a second before she swung her leg back and kicked him in the stomach with all of her might. James grunted, curling even further into himself.

"No means no, asshole!" she hissed at him before returning to me, and we walked out of the alley together.

"I don't know if that was really the best idea." I chuckled.

Alice scoffed. "What's he gonna do? Track me down and kill me?"

I laughed darkly. "Well, he's gonna try."

"Yeah," Alice smiled, then sobered. "I know that was hard, Bella, but thank you."

I shook my head softly. "No, thank _you_. I would have done it, you know. I really would have killed him. But afterward, I would have regretted it." She squeezed my arm and we looked up to find Tom approaching.

"Bella! Is everything all right?" he asked, a harried expression on his face, I saw Samantha hurrying up behind him. He glanced into the alley and spotted James still lying on the ground. "Who's that?" he demanded. "What's happened?"

"It's nothing," I said. "What are you doing here?"

Tom's eyes were still on James. "Samantha said you seemed upset and that Alice ran out after you when she found out you'd left," he said distractedly. "She wanted me to check on you.

"Bella, what's going on?"

Alice jumped in, God bless her. "Bella had a little trouble with a gentleman who wasn't acting very gentlemanly. She handled it, though."

Tom's eyes widened as Samantha caught up and took his hand. "You did that?" he asked, astounded.

"What did she do?" Samantha asked, craning her neck to see what Tom was looking at. "Oh, my, who is that?"

"It's nobody," I muttered. "I'm fine."

"But how did you…" Tom stammered. "What did you…"

A loud commotion down the block drew all of our attention as a group of men burst through the hotel lobby doors. They staggered out and I recognized them as the friends James was drinking with. Two looming forms exited behind them, evidently making sure they left the premises. I gasped when I recognized one of them.

The tall one with the messy hair.

"Terrific," I said under my breath, then turned to Samantha. "What's Edward doing here?"

She tore her eyes from the disturbance. "He showed up just after you left. He was going to come out to look for you, but his mother found him and asked him to deal with some troublemakers." She nodded back toward the group. "I guess that is them."

"Hey, we need to find our friend," one of the drunks complained, swaying on his feet.

"Well, you can't look for him inside," Edward replied stiffly. "It's time for you to go."

Still complaining, the three of them staggered toward us, Edward and the other bouncer watching them warily.

"You!" One of them approached me, his eyes bleary. "He was looking for you!"

Tom stepped in front of me protectively as I watched Edward warily. I cast a panicked look Alice's way.

"He can't see James," I said quietly to her and she nodded.

The drunk heard me. "Where's James?" he asked accusingly. Tom pressed a hand to his chest.

"Just relax, pal," he said calmly. "We don't want any trouble."

"He's in there," I interrupted, stepping out from behind Tom. "In the alley. Go get him and get out of here," I said urgently, my eyes on Edward as he finally realized I was standing there and started toward us.

The drunk stumbled toward the gate, then turned back to me. "What did you do to him?" he slurred. I absently noted that Alice had stepped forward to intercept Edward. Samantha took off after her, and I heard her excited chatter interspersed with gasps from Edward, and reassuring murmurings from Alice.

"Just go…" I pressed on, focusing on getting James out of the alley and shoving gently on his friend's shoulder. "He'll be fine… just take him and leave." He and his friends went into the alley as Tom followed behind them, watching them warily. Edward finally stepped around Alice and hurried over to me.

"Bella? What happened?" he asked.

"Edward! What a surprise! What are you doing here?" I said cheerily, linking my arm with his and turning him away from the alley. I tried to propel him toward the hotel entrance, but he planted his feet.

"My father wanted to surprise my mother, so we drove back after the meet instead of staying the night," he explained hurriedly. "Now, what's going on? Why are you out here?" At a muffled groan behind us he turned around to see James' friends dragging him out of the alley. He was slumped between two of them, his head lolling against his chest, a handkerchief pressed to his bleeding nose.

"Samantha said you'd been assaulted. Is that him? Did he touch you?" he asked furiously, before starting after James' group. "I'll kill him!" he snarled loudly. James' friends glanced back anxiously, then quickened their steps. I grabbed onto Edward's arm to stop him.

"I'm fine," I insisted.

Tom laughed. "I'd say Bella did most of the assaulting."

Edward turned his shocked gaze on me. "What?"

Samantha linked her arm with mine and said proudly, "Bella beat him within an inch of his life."

I rolled my eyes. "I wouldn't say that…"

"You… beat him?"

I bristled. "Don't sound so surprised. I can take care of myself."

"Well, we need to stop him… call the police and report him." Edward pulled away and started after James and his friends again. "Hey! Come back here!" he yelled, as Tom and Samantha followed behind him.

I exchanged a frantic look with Alice, and she bit her lip anxiously. She raised her hand to her head, rolling her eyes back in a simulated faint. Getting the message, I called out.

"Oh… I think I'm going to… swoon!" I swayed and collapsed gracefully onto the sidewalk.

Well, sort of gracefully.

It did the trick, though. The three of them came running back and Edward knelt at my side. "Bella? Bella, can you hear me?" he called fretfully, stroking my cheek, then patting it gently.

"Maybe we should call a doctor," Samantha suggested.

I moaned theatrically and my eyelids fluttered. I think Alice rolled her eyes at me.

"What's going on here?" Another familiar voice approached and I winced.

Carlisle.

 _Hail, hail, the gang's all here._ I moaned again, and this time I wasn't acting.

"What are you doing here?" Edward asked confrontationally.

"I finished my business in New York early and decide to stop by," he replied hastily, concern coloring his tone. "What's happened to Bella?"

I thought about feigning unconsciousness, just to avoid the craptastic craziness that was my life at that moment.

Maybe just for a few seconds. I figured I deserved a reprieve.

"She's fainted," Edward explained. "She was attacked by a drunken monster."

"What?" Carlisle's livid voice chilled me and I felt his cool hand lift mine as he knelt by me opposite Edward. He pressed his fingers to my pulse for a moment. "Her heartbeat is steady," he said calmly, then I felt his fingers lift my eyelids.

Okay, I guessed the show was over.

Shifting uncomfortably, I opened my eyes slowly. "Carlisle? What are you doing here?" I mumbled.

"Did she hit her head?" he asked Edward.

"No, I don't think so."

Carlisle leaned toward me. "Don't try to move just yet," he said quietly. "Just be still for a moment."

He turned back to Edward. "How did this happen?"

Edward shrugged. "All I know is some drunken idiot mauled her in the alley."

"Why was she in an alley all alone?" The accusation in Carlisle's voice was evident. "Where were you?"

"I just arrived myself," Edward retorted. "Believe me, I wish I'd been here a few minutes earlier. I would have loved to have gotten my hands on that rogue."

"Bella took care of him pretty well all by herself," Tom pointed out.

"She fought him off herself?" Carlisle asked, amazed.

_What? Did everyone think I was helpless?_

I huffed and rose slightly, resting on my elbows. "I think I'm okay…" I began, but nobody was paying attention.

"I can't believe she'd go into a dark alley in the middle of the night," Carlisle brooded.

"You can't?" Edward laughed humorlessly. "It doesn't surprise me at all. She has not one ounce of self-preservation."

Carlisle shook his head. "She does tend to act without thinking."

"Now, that's not fair," Samantha interjected. "Bella's not stupid. She was just surprised."

I noticed Alice watching the exchange with an amused smirk on her face.

"Surprised?" Edward countered. "She's lucky she wasn't killed."

Carlisle nodded in agreement. "She's so innocent… so unaware of the dangers in the world today."

"Hello." I waved a hand in annoyance. "Sitting right here."

"If only I'd been here sooner," Edward continued remorsefully. "I should have been here to protect her."

Carlisle reached across me to grasp his shoulder. "Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not your fault."

I blinked in surprise, my eyes moving back and forth between Edward and Carlisle. I heard Alice giggling lightly as Tom and Samantha observed in silence.

"I feel like it is." Edward clenched his eyes shut tightly. "If anything would have happened, I'd never forgive myself…"

"Oh, for God's sake!" I exclaimed, sitting up and shoving the two of them apart. "I'm fine… I didn't need anyone to protect me," I growled at Edward, then turned my glare on Carlisle. "And I know very well how dangerous the world is."

"I kicked that idiot's as- …. erm… rear end… all by myself… just poor, little ol' helpless innocent Bella. And I'd do it again! Now, I suggest you help me up before I do the same to both of you!"

Everyone, including Alice, was silent for several seconds, then Edward and Carlisle both stood up, each extending a hand to help me to my feet. I grabbed on to both of them, hoisting myself up.

"Thank you," I said haughtily, brushing off my gown. "Now, what say we all head back inside? I kind of feel like dancing." I walked toward the hotel, nodding as Alice and Samantha stepped up on either side of me.

I heard Carlisle murmur behind me, "I thought she hated dancing," and could almost picture Edward's confused shrug. I glanced first at Alice, then Samantha out of the corner of my eye as my lips twitched.

"Well, at least they're getting along," Samantha observed.

"Men are idiots," Alice observed, and we all chuckled.

"Say, Bella," Samantha began, as we neared the door. "Do you think you could teach me what you did back there?"

I shrugged. "Sure. It's not that hard. Just remember the acronym S.I.N.G."

"Sing?" Samantha repeated.

"You mean like from Miss Congeniality?" Alice whispered, giggling. I hushed her, with a pointed look toward Samantha.

"Who's Miss Congeniality?" Samantha asked.

"Never mind," I told her. I explained what each letter in the acronym stood for, and told her how to best inflict pain on each targeted area.

Samantha sighed. "I don't know if I could do it. If I were in your situation, I think I'd just panic and not be able to move… or even think."

"That's why you need to practice," I explained as we walked into the hotel lobby. "Just do it over and over until it becomes almost instinctive."

The men walked in as Samantha asked, "Practice? On who?"

"Practice what?" Tom looked down at her curiously.

"Bella was just telling me how she defended herself against that man," Samantha explained. "She was saying I needed to practice so I don't freeze up if I ever have to do it."

"You could practice on Tom," I suggested.

Samantha eyed him warily. "I don't know. He's awfully big."

"Size doesn't matter," I argued. Alice snickered and I flashed her an annoyed glance.

_Get your mind out of the gutter!_

"It doesn't matter how big the attacker is," I assured Samantha. "If you use the technique, you can incapacitate him."

Tom laughed, and I noticed Edward and Carlisle wearing amused smiles as well.

"What's so funny?" I asked defensively.

Edward took my hand with an indulgent look. "No offense intended, Bella, but Samantha is not exactly a fighter."

Samantha bristled at that. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Tom stroked her cheek. "Just that you're very sweet and kind. Violence is not in your nature."

Samantha scowled. "I could do it if I had to," she insisted.

"Of course you could," Alice said encouragingly, patting her arm and glaring at Tom.

"I'll tell you what," I started, moving to stand next to Samantha. "I bet Samantha can get away from you…"

"Oh, I don't want to hurt him," Samantha interrupted.

Tom laughed. "You're not going to hurt me, sweetheart."

Samantha's eyes narrowed as she turned back to me. "I'll do it."

"What?" Tom exclaimed in surprise. "Samantha, I don't think this is a good idea."

Samantha smiled wryly. "If you're afraid, I could ask Dr. Cullen…."

"NO!" Alice and I yelled simultaneously. Carlisle rubbed his lips to cover his smirk.

"It should be Tom… or Edward," I insisted, ignoring Carlisle. "You don't know Dr. Cullen well enough for you to be comfortable."

"What are the terms?" Edward asked finally, as Tom gaped at him in surprise.

"You're not actually considering this," Tom said in astonishment.

"If we win," I continued, disregarding Tom's protests. "The three of you have to clean up all of the tables after the ball."

Edward pulled Tom and Carlisle away slightly, and they had a murmured discussion before Edward nodded.

"If we win," he said smugly, "the three of you have to cook a meal for us… with no fewer than five courses."

I glanced sardonically at Carlisle. I doubted a meal was his first choice, but he only shrugged inconspicuously.

"Done." I nodded, extending my hand. Edward chuckled, but shook it lightly.

An hour later, Samantha, Alice, and I sat relaxing at a table with Mrs. Masen and Mrs. Swenson, sipping tea from china cups as we told them about all the excitement. Tom, Edward, and Carlisle bustled back and forth to the kitchen, carrying stacks of plates and silverware, and bundles of soiled tablecloths. Their dark tailcoats were discarded, folded over the back of a chair, and their white shirtsleeves were rolled up to their elbows. Tom walked a little slower than the rest, and with a slight limp. Samantha had only had to use "S" and "I" to escape his attack. She'd even given him a second chance when he'd argued that he wasn't ready.

"To Samantha." I lifted my cup, and the other ladies did likewise. "A woman not to be trifled with!"

A chorus of "Here! Here!" rang out as Samantha blushed, and I noticed Edward's grin as he shook his head wryly.

"I have a feeling we were set up," he called from across the room.

We all laughed. "Aw, don't be a sore loser, Edward," I teased. "Look at Tom, he's not complaining."

Tom winced, rubbing at his sore stomach. "Remind me never to make Samantha angry," he said ruefully.

Carlisle chuckled, gathering up more tablecloths. I had to hand it to him. He was being a good sport about all of this.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," he said with a grin. "I think the same could be said for a woman underestimated."

"You got that right," I agreed heartily.

I noticed Alice seemed quieter than usual, so I leaned over toward her. "Are you okay?" I asked.

She nodded, taking a sip of her tea. I frowned at the untouched plate of treats before her.

"I'm just kind of tired," she admitted.

"Well, maybe we should head home," I said, turning to the others. "I think Alice and I are going to go catch the 'L'," I began.

Mrs. Masen shook her head. "No, dear. Edward will drive you. My husband and I can ride home with the Swensons." She looked around the ballroom. "Where did he get off to, anyway?"

Mrs. Swenson set down her cup. "He and Ralph were chatting out in the lobby, having a cigar, I think," she said distastefully.

Mrs. Masen waved Edward over and asked him to drive Alice and me home. Despite our verbal sparring, he agreed with a ready smile and we made our way out to his father's car. Alice stumbled slightly and I grabbed her arm to steady her.

"Alice, what's wrong?" I asked, concerned.

"I'm… just a little dizzy," she said faintly. "I think I just need to get home and get some sleep."

She seemed to feel a little better once we were in the car and heading down the road. She teased Edward about losing the bet and laughed as I told her about my dancing lessons with Tom.

We arrived at the boarding house and, because we weren't alone, my kiss goodnight was soft and chaste. I smiled at Edward as he got back into his car, then turned to join Alice as she opened the front door.

"Are you sure you're all right?" I asked as we walked through the sitting room toward the staircase.

"Fine," she reassured me, and I followed her up to our room.

Fighting the feeling that something was terribly, terribly wrong.


	21. Of Making Out and Missing Persons

"If all the possibilities have been eliminated, then it's time to look at the impossibilities."

-Spock, Star Trek

Chapter 20 – Of Making Out and Missing Persons

"You know what I'd really like to do?" Alice asked quietly as she stopped short at the top of the stairs.

"What?"

She turned to me as her old familiar enthusiasm returned. "Make chocolate chip cookies!"

I blinked in confusion. "Cookies? Now? It's after midnight."

Alice shrugged. "I've never had a midnight snack before. And I'm dying to try chocolate chip cookies."

There was a long list of foods Alice was "dying" to try, so earlier in the week we had stocked up on ingredients, planning to methodically work our way down the list.

I was tired after all of the events of the evening, but I was also encouraged that Alice seemed to be feeling better, so I relented.

"Okay, but we'll have to be quiet," I told her. "The others are asleep." Jared and Liza were gone for the weekend, but I didn't want to wake Maggie or, God forbid, Alistair.

Alice gave a restrained squeal and clapped her hands together before we turned to head back down the stairs.

The kitchen was dark and quiet, and we worked companionably, Alice creaming the butter while I assembled the other ingredients. I'd made chocolate chip cookies countless times, so I didn't even need a recipe.

We had the dough mixed together and I was chopping up chocolate, since Tollhouse morsels hadn't been invented yet. Hell, I was pretty sure chocolate chip cookies hadn't been invented yet.

Yeah. Here I was again, screwing up the future one delicious dessert treat at a time.

Anyway, I was creating my own version of chocolate chips when Tom walked through the front door.

"What are you girls doing?" he asked, collapsing into a seat at the kitchen table. "I thought you'd be asleep after all that happened tonight." He absently rubbed his sore stomach again, and I stifled a giggle.

Folding the chocolate bits into the batter, I explained with a shrug, "We decided to make cookies instead." Alice helped me drop spoonfuls of the dough onto the cookie sheet, sneaking a few bites of the raw dough. I couldn't blame her. I had a blob or two myself.

"Besides," I continued, "I figured you'd be the one who was tired after all the kitchen work… and Samantha dropping you to your knees and all." I smiled teasingly at Tom as Alice chuckled, but he didn't even seem embarrassed.

"I should be upset, but I'm not," he admitted. "It's actually nice to know that Samantha could take care of herself if ever the need arose… not that I plan on letting her walk around dark alleys all alone," he added hastily.

Alice popped the cookies into the oven and we sat down with Tom to wait as they baked.

"Where did you learn to do that anyway?" Tom asked.

Alice smirked, and I knew she was thinking of Miss Congeniality. I ignored her.

"My father was a police officer," I replied. "He thought it was important that I learn how to defend myself."

"You think you could teach it to me?" he asked sheepishly. "It might come in handy sometime."

I was quickly becoming the Bruce Lee of 1918 Chicago. Or maybe Obi Wan Kenobi…

I resisted calling Tom "young padawan" and instead just taught him the SING self-defense moves. Alice helped by being his "attacker." I fought giggles as Alice moved behind him, playing the part of the dangerous assailant to perfection, an angry snarl on her face. But it was hilarious to see her try to grab Tom around his neck since she could barely reach. She ended up standing on a chair, her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth in concentration.

Then we all ended up just about rolling on the floor in laughter.

Apparently, we were not being as quiet as we thought, because just as I pulled the first tray of cookies out of the oven, Maggie walked drowsily into the kitchen.

"What on earth are you doing?" she asked in her sleepy brogue. "It's the middle of the night!"

We all apologized guiltily, then I explained simply, "Alice wanted cookies."

Familiar with Alice's food gusto, Maggie just nodded and sank into the empty kitchen chair.

"What kind of cookies are those?" she asked as I set a plate of them on the table.

"Chocolate chip."

"Huh," Maggie said thoughtfully as she picked up a cookie to examine it. "I've never heard of that before. It smells good, though." She took a tentative bite as we all watched her carefully. She chewed and swallowed, a huge smile lighting her features.

"These are delicious!" Maggie exclaimed. "You have to give me the recipe!"

Uh oh. My mind raced to imagine all the possible consequences of introducing the world to Tollhouse cookies before it was ready. I was wondering if it was possible for Jonas Salk to become addicted to them and gain two-hundred pounds, reduced to living his life huddled on his living room couch instead of discovering the polio vaccine, when Alice piped up.

"It's an old family recipe," she interjected, always ready with a lie when I was floundering. "We could tell you, but we'll have to swear you to secrecy," she added with a conspiratorial smile.

Of course, Maggie readily agreed and I passed on the "old family recipe" that'd been printed on chocolate chip packages for as long as I could remember.

"It's from my French aunt… Nest-lay Toul-ouse," I told her, the "Friends" reference getting another giggle from Alice and a confused look from both Tom and Maggie.

Worries about the future set aside for now, we munched on hot cookies and sipped cold milk, Alice moaning in enthusiastic pleasure as the rest of us laughed and chatted.

Two people from the future and two from the past - one weird, crazy, wonderful kind of family.

x-x

"Alice, are you okay?"

After we'd cleaned up our cookie mess and headed upstairs, Alice had once again become quiet and pensive. As we lay in bed, I found my worry about her returning.

"I just feel kind of weird," she admitted. "It's almost like I'm here… but I'm not really here. I know that doesn't really make sense, but it's how I feel."

I absorbed that for a moment, and felt my heart sink.

"You're… leaving… aren't you?"

She paused, then I heard a quiet, "I think so."

"When?"

"I don't know," she replied, "but soon, I think."

"But why?" I sat up, flicking on the bedside light. "You said you're supposed to help me. How can you help me if you're not here?"

She looked at me with a soft smile. "I think I've done what I was meant to do."

"You mean James."

"Yes."

I didn't want to acknowledge it, but deep down, I realized… I knew that she was right. Alice hadn't come to Chicago to help me with Edward, or even Carlisle. She came to help me with James. To keep me from killing him and making the worst mistake of my life. A mistake that would have changed her future irrevocably.

Deep down, I knew this. But it didn't mean I had to like it.

"What about Edward?" I asked stubbornly.

"I'm not here for Edward," she said quietly. "You are. Just remember, Bella. It's all about Edward."

I choked on unshed tears. "I don't want you to go."

"I know."

Scrambling for a loophole, I asked frantically. "Can't you just do what you did before? Just use your voodoo or whatever and come back!"

Alice sighed. "I don't think it works that way, Bella. The more I think about it, the more I realize that it wasn't anything I did that brought me here. I believe I was sent here… just like you."

"And now you're being sent back," I said on a sob.

"Yes."

That froze the blood in my veins - the thought that we were not in control of any of this. If Alice could be pulled back, that meant I could be too.

"I don't want to go back," I whispered, lying back on the bed.

"I know you don't, Bella," Alice said pityingly. "I don't know what to tell you other than this: You're here for Edward. I'm sure of it. If you want to have a future with him, you have to see this thing through."

"But what if…" I started, still fighting tears, "…what if I save him, then have to leave him?" It was my greatest fear and one I had never before admitted out loud, not even to Alice.

Alice closed her eyes for a moment, seemingly focused on something. I watched her carefully, willing her to reassure me… needing for her to reassure me. She opened her eyes finally and exhaled deeply.

"All I know is that it will be okay," she said with a slight shrug, staring at the ceiling. "Just have faith that everything will be okay."

I didn't have to tell her it was lame. She already knew. Instead, I endeavored to take comfort in her words and tried to set my doubts aside. I climbed over my bed to her cot, grabbing her in a tight hug.

"God, I'm going to miss you," I whispered, tears finally trickling down my cheeks.

"I'm going to miss you too," she replied, her trembling voice betraying her own dismay.

For a few minutes, the only sounds in the little room were muffled sniffles and quiet sobs. I finally released her, getting back in bed and turning off the light.

"Alice, if you do go back, could you do me a favor?" I asked eventually.

"Of course."

I swallowed deeply. "If you get there and I'm… I don't know… in a coma or sleeping or something?" I paused.

"Yeah?"

"Don't wake me up."

x-x

The next morning, I didn't even have to roll over to see the empty bed and the rumpled sheets to know that Alice was gone.

I did, though, and I rose slowly, making my way to the cot, laying my hand on the imprint on the blankets and finding it still warm.

Sitting down on the edge of the cot, I gathered the blankets close to my chest… and I wept.

x-x

Once I'd cried myself out, I made my way downstairs to find Maggie and Tom sipping coffee around the dining room table. I told them Alice had been called away for an emergency – that her father was ill and she had to head back to Iowa right away. They were both sad to see her go, and I assured them she had wanted me to thank them for everything and say goodbye. I kept up the façade that everything was fine, and tried to put on a brave face, pouring myself a cup of coffee and sitting down next to Maggie.

"Bella, did you hear?" Tom asked excitedly, brandishing a copy of that morning's Tribune. "That scoundrel that attacked you has gone missing."

"What?" I asked in shock, reaching for the paper. Sure enough, there was a photo of James on the lower half of the front page under the headline: Springfield Man Disappears. Maggie walked over to look at the article over my shoulder.

"Serves him right," she said angrily, shoving two loaves into the oven. I had told her what happened at the ball, and she was still furious about it. "Maybe someone finally taught him a lesson!"

Tom poured himself some coffee, sitting across from me at the kitchen table.

"He was staying with friends in town," he elaborated. "They said they left him in his room Saturday night, but the next morning he was gone. They weren't that worried at first, but when he didn't show up all day, they called the police."

"Evidently, the police searched the area and found some evidence of foul play." Tom sipped his coffee, shrugging.

"What kind of evidence?" I asked, nerves twisting in the pit of my stomach.

"They wouldn't say anything officially," he said, leaning his elbows on the table as if sharing a juicy secret. "But our source said there was blood on the scene… a lot of blood."

A chill ran through me because I had a sneaking suspicion I knew what happened to James. And I was relatively certain he wouldn't be found.

"Did your source say what they thought happened?" I ran my finger down the article, scanning it for details, but only saw a repeat of what Tom had already told me.

"He didn't say anything specific," Tom admitted, "but he said they are following a few leads."

"I wonder what that means," Maggie mused, walking back over to put the bread in the oven.

"I don't know," Tom replied. "If what happened at the ball is any indication, I'd imagine there is no shortage of people who might want to do him harm."

Maggie huffed. "I'm one of them."

"Well, lucky for you, you have an alibi," I joked. "We were all sitting here eating chocolate chip cookies at the time in question."

"Those were really good cookies," Tom said pointedly.

Maggie laughed. She'd just made another batch that morning and reached into the cupboard above her to pull out a cookie jar, setting it in front of Tom with a thump.

"What, no milk?" he asked with mocked offense.

I rolled my eyes and pulled the milk from the icebox, pouring us all a glass so we could enjoy our cookies, all concerns about James forgotten.

x-x

Life returned to normal.

Pre-Alice normal.

I missed her terribly. Sure, it was great to have someone there like me – someone who knew what I was going through and understood it – but I actually really missed Alice… just having her there.

My friend.

My sister.

It helped knowing that she was back with Jasper and I held out hope that her reality still existed, untouched and unchanged by me.

I really wanted her to be happy.

Monday night, I was quieter than usual and Carlisle, perceptive as ever, seemed to sense my distress.

"Is something bothering you, Bella?" he asked as we replaced the items he'd taken to New York.

"Alice had to leave," I explained, my eyes filling with unbidden tears. I glanced up to see Carlisle's shocked expression.

"Is she…?" I realized he thought that Alice had been changed already.

"No," I shook my head. "Not that… not yet."

"Do you know when?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Not exactly. A couple of years, I think."

Carlisle nodded. "And she's accepted this?" he asked disbelievingly.

I laughed. "Believe it or not, she welcomes it," I told him. "You just have to trust me. It's for the best." I looked away, thinking of how I'd nearly taken her future from her. "She just had to go back home," I continued. "I miss her."

"Well, then," Carlisle said, trying to encourage me, "it's a shame she had to leave, but I'm sure you'll see her again soon.

I nodded, but didn't say what I was thinking. Everyone said the same thing. They were sorry that Alice was gone, but knew I'd see her again. They didn't understand my grief.

Because I knew I most likely wouldn't see her again.

I thought fleetingly about going to visit her someday, taking a trip to Biloxi in search of Mary Alice Brandon. But I knew Alice – my Alice – wouldn't want me to. She wouldn't want to risk what my presence could do to her.

Who knew? Given my luck, I could get her so upset they'd transfer her to maximum security – or she could escape and run away or something and James would never find her.

It could happen, and with my track record it probably would.

So instead, I smiled at the encouraging comments and grieved in private.

"There's more, isn't there?" Carlisle stated insightfully.

I sighed, nodding. "I won't see her again… before." At his brisk nod, I saw he understood. "I probably won't see her ever again."

Carlisle tilted his head with a pitying smile. "I'm sorry," he said, compassion warm in his golden eyes.

I just nodded as the tears finally fell. "I really miss her," I choked out on a sob.

Carlisle moved toward me and wrapped his cold, hard arms around me, patting my back gently.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

I said nothing. I just clung to him and cried into his marble chest.

x-x

"Keep playing," Edward whispered.

My fingers faltered on the piano keys as he kissed me softly behind my ear, his tongue darting out briefly. His fingers trailed lightly around my knee, then up my thigh before returning down again to complete the circuit.

The circuit that was shooting jolts of electricity through my entire body.

"How am I supposed to play when you're doing that?" I asked, matching his tone as I tried to pound out Chopsticks on the piano in Edward's sunroom. His parents had invited me to an early dinner Wednesday afternoon before work. Once again, as we waited for dessert, we had adjourned to the glass-walled room to sit at the piano.

Edward had played Clair de Lune for me again, and I had to admit he was getting a lot better at it. He had been practicing, evidently, and even with the missed notes I could now see a glimpse of the talent and skill I'd seen before.

He decided to teach a song to me. It was kind of weird that I'd never learned Chopsticks. I mean, everybody knew how to play Chopsticks. I quickly realized, however, that Chopsticks wasn't really what was on Edward's mind. It was just an excuse for a little alone time.

Well, sort of alone time.

His parents were in other parts of the house, but Edward assured me his mother wouldn't pop in unannounced.

As long as the music kept playing.

I could hear her moving around in the kitchen, clanking pots and pans and plates. But at any pause in the piano playing the noise in the kitchen would halt, and I knew she was listening… ready to intervene if she feared we were doing anything inappropriate.

So I'd carefully, methodically, pound out Chopsticks until I could hear the clattering in the kitchen start up again as Mrs. Masen was satisfied our actions were innocent.

Even though they were anything but.

Edward was teasing me, inciting flames along my skin as my shaking fingers tried to force something out of the piano loosely resembling music. I was pretty sure his parents thought my piano playing was a lost cause. I couldn't have cared less, though, as Edward swept his hand up my back and under my hair, stroking my scalp softly as he tilted my head to the side and nibbled on my neck.

"Edward," I breathed, my fingers trembled on the keys, itching… yearning to touch him.

This new, more sexually aggressive Edward I welcomed with open arms, but he was still a bit of a mystery to me. For the past couple of weeks the side of me that worried and wondered about Edward's change of heart warred with the side that just wanted to shut up and enjoy it.

Until he'd come over the day before… when my ever-nagging guilt at testing Edward's morals finally made its way to the forefront. And I finally got the answer that helped assuage that guilt – hopefully forever.

It was a warm afternoon, and Edward and I sat quietly on the wooden bench in Maggie's backyard garden. He had come by right after school, since track season was over, and had waited patiently for me to wake up, chatting with Maggie in the kitchen.

Flowers were budding, some in full bloom, and lilacs and honeysuckle perfumed the air. The bench was hidden from the kitchen window by a wooden lattice covered with vines, and it only took a moment for us to find each other. I turned to Edward, my breathing already short at his proximity, my thigh brushing against his. I met his intense green gaze with what I'm sure was a longing look.

Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of times when Edward and I just sat and talked. Plenty of times. But in these rare instances when we were alone and away from prying eyes, there was only thing on our minds.

He raised his hand to stroke his fingers gently over my cheek before resting his palm against my face. I leaned into his hand and my eyes fluttered closed as he brought his lips to mine, brushing them gently, his warm breath wafting over my face…. Intoxicating me… bewitching me.

"Bella," he murmured into my mouth, before deepening the kiss.

The intensity was overwhelming. Every time Edward kissed me I thought I couldn't fly any higher… feel any deeper. But then each time was even more amazing… hotter… stronger… all-consuming.

His fingers gripped my hair as his tongue plunged into my mouth, his other hand wrapping around my waist to pull me closer… always closer… never close enough. My hands slid under his jacket to clutch at him, roaming over the firm peaks and valleys of his back, feeling them ripple beneath my fingers as he pulled me onto his lap. My head fell back as he nipped along my throat, gently so as not to mark me again. I felt his nose nuzzle the top button of my blouse, then cool air blew across the tops of my breasts as I realized he had popped that button open.

I looked down to see him watching me with hooded eyes, waiting to see if I was okay with what was happening.

My eyes drifted shut again and I exhaled a shaky breath.

Oh… so much more than okay.

I felt Edward grip my hips as his heavy breaths raised goosebumps over my exposed flesh. I tensed, waiting.

Wanting.

Then, finally, I felt his warm mouth on the swell of my right breast. He kissed it reverently, raising his hand to caress my other breast gently. I gasped at the sensation – heat flowing from his mouth to shoot through my entire body. My hand flew to his hair, tangling in it to hold him there. God help him if he ever tried to leave.

I moaned, arching into his touch and reveling at the feel of his tongue lapping at my aching flesh, dipping under the edge of my blouse and circling slowly toward my already pebbled nipple. His hand lowered over my other nipple for a moment and even through my clothes, I could feel the heat radiating from his palm before it descended to touch me. He brushed over my nipple lightly at first, a shaky groan escaping his lips, then he gripped it more firmly between his thumb and forefinger, rolling it gently.

Mysteriously, another button opened and I gasped as my blouse gaped, revealing the thin chemise I wore beneath it. Edward's eyes darkened as he gazed at my undergarments, licking his lips as his eyes flashed to mine warily. In my time, the chemise would be considered very modest - God knows I'd seen girls running around in much less – but the way Edward was looking at me was so erotic I almost felt naked.

"Bella, we should stop," he murmured, his actions belying his words as he bent to suck my nipple through my chemise, my back arching once again at the sensation.

"Yeah. I know," I agreed, pressing the back of his head lest he even think about stopping. His hot mouth on my breast was the sweetest of tortures.

I wanted more.

I squirmed on his lap, pressing my thighs together as my body sought relief… release. I could feel his erection hard against my hip, and when I moved, he unconsciously thrust against me.

"God… Edward…"

He groaned, biting down softly on my nipple and flicking the taut bud with his tongue as we writhed against each other… seeking something… something…

Something that wasn't going to happen in Maggie's backyard.

Edward seemed to make the realization at the same time as me because he released my breast, his mouth still hovering over it. His pants chilled the damp fabric of my chemise, making me moan at the sensation. He chuckled lightly, then sat up, kissing me gently between my breasts before re-buttoning my blouse. He wrapped his arms around me and we sat like that for a moment in silence, the only sounds the chirping of birds and our slowing breaths. Finally, I moved to sit next to him and he took my hand, linking our fingers and lifting it to his mouth for a chaste kiss.

"I'm sorry-" he began, but I interrupted him.

"What have I said about apologizing?" I asked. "We haven't done anything wrong, Edward. And neither one of us has anything to be sorry for."

He nodded. "Sorry…" At my exasperated look he added defensively, "You're right… you're right… and really, I'm not sorry for that." He leaned in for a quick kiss. "I am kind of sorry we had to stop, though," he added with a wolfish grin.

Lord. I'd created a monster.

We sat enjoying the quiet and talking about nothing in particular, but finally, my curiosity got the better of me.

"Edward, can I ask you something?"

He kissed my hand again. "Anything," he said with a soft smile.

"Well," I blushed, suddenly nervous. I turned to look out over the garden. "It's just that… you seem different… you know… about us." I flashed him a glance before looking away again. "Ummm… since you came to the suffrage rally… you really seem… less… restrained?

"Not that I'm complaining," I added hurriedly, and I saw him smirk out of the corner of my eye. "I just wondered… why the change of heart?"

He pulled my hand to his lap, lacing his fingers around it. "I told you," he said, his eyes on our joined hands, "I just did some thinking and realized a few things."

His ears pinkened in that adorable way, and I knew there was more. "What kinds of things?" I prodded, stroking his wrist with my captured thumb.

Edward took a deep breath. "I… haven't had a lot of experience with girls," he admitted.

"Really?" At my shocked exclamation, he looked at me in surprise. "It's just that… you're really good at it," I clarified, feeling my own skin redden.

Edward smiled and shrugged. "Well, guys talk," he explained. "I've heard a lot of stories over the years… about what… women like." His voice lowered and his eyes returned to his lap. "I've just never wanted to do any of that with anyone before."

"Really?" I said again. "Not even Samantha?"

Edward laughed. "No… definitely not Samantha," he replied. "We were always more like siblings than anything else," he told me. "There's been no one… not until you." His eyes met mine finally, and I gasped at the swirling emotion I saw in their green depths.

"And then you… you seemed to want me to… kiss you… and touch you." His hand lifted to brush across my bottom lip. "I wanted to… so badly… but I found I really liked you too. You drove me absolutely crazy, but I liked you." I smiled at that and he returned the gesture.

"I'd been raised to respect women. I'd always believed that it was the man's job… his responsibility… to ensure that nothing inappropriate happened with a lady. But you challenged me on that. I didn't know what to make of it, to be honest," he explained, his hand returning to his lap.

Guilt twisted in my gut again. "I'm sorry…"

"No." He smirked at me. "You don't get to apologize either." At my wry grin, he continued. "I realized three things during that time when we were apart," he said. "First, as I told you after the suffrage meeting, that I don't want to go back… as much as our being together muddles my mind and confuses me sometimes, I want to move forward.

"Second," he continued, "I realized that you were right. That both of us are responsible for how we are together… what we do together… that I have to respect you enough to share that responsibility."

My mouth dropped open at his admission.

"Don't look so shocked," he joked. "I'm an open-minded person. I can change my opinion on things."

I grinned and scooted closer so I could lean my head on his shoulder. I felt him press his lips to my hair.

"What was the third thing?" I asked quietly, breathing in his delicious scent.

He was silent, so I raised my head and turned to face him. He gazed at me intently, and my stomach erupted with butterflies.

"I realized," he said slowly, his eyes locked with mine and his voice gentle, but determined, "that I love you, Bella."

I couldn't really explain it, but in that moment, the two Edwards I knew merged into one - the one who loved me. Past, present, future… it didn't matter. Edward loved me. It wasn't just about teenage hormones and rampant lust anymore. He actually loved me. The thought sent a surge of warmth through me, and I felt tears prick my eyes.

I reached out with my free hand, wrapping it around his neck and pulling him toward me for a tender kiss. His palm lifted to cup my cheek again, his thumb stroking lovingly at my jaw as he kissed me back. Our electric connection still sizzled, but it seemed subtler somehow… as if it too realized that what we had was deeper than physical attraction… that it had grown stronger than desire. We pulled apart, smiling at each other, our foreheads touching.

"I love you, too," I whispered.

Edward's declaration eased my doubts and fears even more than Alice's reassurances. So the next day as we sat at the piano in the sunroom, I found myself able to enjoy our time together without constantly worrying that I was corrupting Edward or possibly ruining his future.

Although the same couldn't be said for Chopsticks.

After more sour notes – blamed more on the fact that Edward was trailing his fingers up and down my spine than on my lack of talent – I turned to him in mock irritation.

"That's it," I announced. "I'm going to teach you a song."

"Really?" Edward returned doubtfully. "You can play the piano?"

"Well… no… not really," I admitted, thinking for a moment, "but I do know one song."

"Why don't you just keep playing Chopsticks," he suggested, leaning over to nibble on my earlobe.

Oh, yeah. Chopsticks was good.

So good.

But I couldn't touch him when I was playing. I had a plan. I blinked, trying to remember what it was.

That's right. Heart and Soul.

I nudged Edward away playfully. "Pay attention," I ordered. "I'm going to teach you the lower part."

So for the next few minutes I taught Edward the chords to the song. I had no idea if it had been written yet or not, but Edward hadn't heard it before. He caught on quickly, though, and soon had the rhythm down.

Dum dee ah dah… Dum dee ah dah…

I nodded in approval and started on the higher part… the part I could play with one hand…

…Leaving my other one deliciously free.

I played through the song once, then as I repeated the melody, I slid my left hand over to Edward's knee, squeezing lightly.

His fingers faltered.

"Keep playing," I encouraged, waiting for him to continue. I saw him take a deep breath and begin again.

Dum de ah dah…

As I started my part, my hand trailed lightly up Edward's thigh. I knew the song well enough to play it without looking, so I watched him intently. His jaw clenched as he focused on the piano, and my lips parted as I stroked back down toward his knee, then back up again. He clenched his eyes tightly shut and had to begin again.

"What's the matter, Edward?" I teased quietly.

I think he actually growled.

I giggled as he started over.

Dum de ah dah...

I never would have thought of Heart and Soul as a sexy song… but I was pretty sure I'd never hear it again without getting aroused.

I started playing again as my hand continued its circuit up and down Edward's thigh, my fingers stroking first the inside, then the outside, grazing the curve of his delicious ass. I took a deep breath, squirming a little on the piano bench as I felt moisture gather between my legs and the telltale tingling in my core. I couldn't resist. We repeated the song again and my fingers slid up the inside of Edward's thigh… higher… higher still…

…until I ran the backs of my knuckles over his very prominent erection.

Discordant notes filled the room as Edward's left hand pounded flat on the piano keys and his right grabbed my wrist. I worried for a moment that I'd gone too far, until I saw the lust swimming in his eyes an instant before he pulled me into a hot, demanding kiss.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he muttered gruffly when he finally pulled back. His face was taut… raw and primal. I half-expected him to grab me by the hair and drag me to his bedroom.

I might have whimpered a little at the thought.

Instead, he lifted my wrist to his lips, licking the inside of it lightly before sucking it hard… hard enough to mark me. And this time he was doing it on purpose.

My eyes rolled back in my head. Somewhere in the distance I heard voices, and I gradually became aware of the fact that Edward had released my hand and was playing Heart and Soul again. I blinked dazed eyes and tried to focus.

"Play, Bella," Edward said tightly, flashing a glance toward the doorway. I realized the click of footsteps was drawing nearer, so I quickly joined in on the song.

"Relax," he whispered.

Easy for him to say. I took a deep breath and tried not to look guilty for molesting Mrs. Masen's baby boy in the sunroom.

Edward's mother walked into the room a moment later, a worried look on her face, and we both stopped playing.

Crap. Did she know? She must have some crazy mother sixth sense or something.

"Edward," she whispered anxiously as she approached the piano. "There are two men here to see you. They say they're police detectives."

"Police?" Edward repeated. "What do they want?"

"I don't know," she replied. "They wouldn't say. You haven't been driving too fast again, have you?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Of course not, Mom. I don't have the slightest idea why the police would want to talk to me."

"Maybe you should get your dad," I suggested. "He is a lawyer. I don't think you should talk to the police by yourself." I didn't know much about the law other than what I saw on TV, but I knew in this time before Miranda warnings and the ACLU Edward needed to be careful, regardless of what the police wanted.

"He's busy working. I don't want to disturb him." Edward stood and rounded the piano. "Besides, I don't have anything to hide," he said, walking toward the living room.

Edward's mother and I exchanged concerned glances before trailing behind him. I heard Edward introduce himself as we walked down the hall. Rounding the corner into the living room, I saw him shaking hands with two suited men.

"I'm Detective McCaffey," the taller one with reddish hair said. He indicated his shorter, dark-haired partner with a jerk of his head. "This is Detective Ramsey."

"Please Detectives, won't you sit down?" The ever-present hostess in Mrs. Masen kicked in, pushing aside her worry for the moment. "Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Or maybe some lemonade?"

"No, thank you, ma'am," Detective McCaffey replied, as they both sat in the tufted chairs across from the sofa. Edward perched on one end of the sofa, trying to look relaxed, but I could tell he was nervous. Mrs. Masen sat next to him, and I sat quietly on a wooden chair near the doorway, my own nerves beginning to twist in my stomach.

"We just have a few questions for you, Edward," he continued, flipping open a small notebook and pulling the top off a fountain pen. I noticed Detective Ramsey didn't have a notebook. He just held a brown envelope in his hands and watched Edward carefully.

Detective McCaffey scanned his notes briefly. "Are you familiar with a James Hayden?"

James?

James?

What was James' last name? It could be another James, right? I mean, James is a pretty common name. My mind raced as I tried to recall what I'd read in the article that Tom had shown me. Was his last name Hayden?

"Hayden? No," Edward replied, confusion evident on his face. "I don't know anyone by that name."

It couldn't be the same James. Why would the police want to talk to Edward about him?

The detective pulled a small black and white photograph out of his notebook, handing it to Edward. "Are you sure?"

I stretched my neck, but couldn't see the photo. Edward examined it closely, then shrugged and handed it back.

"I've never seen him before."

McCaffey tucked the photo back in his notebook. "That's interesting, because two of Mr. Hayden's friends, a…" He consulted his notes again. "…William Hunter and George Greeley, claim you evicted them from a ball at the Palmer House on Saturday night." Both detectives directed steely gazes at Edward as McCaffey added, "Furthermore, they say you threatened Mr. Hayden."

A memory flashed in my mind. Edward following James as his friends carried him away from the alley.

"I'll kill him!"

My heart sank as I watched Edward put the pieces together. His eyes flashed to mine briefly.

"I didn't know his name," he said quietly. "I didn't recognize him from his photograph because our interaction was so limited."

McCaffey leaned forward a little. "So you admit you threatened him."

I stood quickly. "Edward!" I couldn't let him admit to anything. Who knew what could happen?

All eyes turned to me.

"I… uh… I really think you should get your father," I said urgently.

He frowned at me and turned back to the police. "I spoke in the heat of the moment," he said. "It was not a serious threat."

I didn't listen to any more. Instead, I slipped from the room and ran to Mr. Masen's office. I heard him talking through the door, but knocked frantically anyway before throwing the door open. He was on the phone.

"Hold on a moment, please," he said calmly, covering the mouthpiece. "Bella, is something wrong?"

"You need to come with me, now," I said urgently. "The police are here and they're questioning Edward."

"I'll have to phone you later," he said into the phone as he stood quickly. He walked to the door in quick strides, leaving me to rush after him.

"What are they asking him about?" he asked in a hushed tone.

"A missing man," I replied quickly. "The man who… attacked me after the ball has disappeared. I think they believe Edward was involved."

Mr. Masen's face hardened as he quickened his pace, rounding the corner into the living room. The worried father was gone. The attorney had arrived.

"What is this all about?" he asked in an authoritative voice, interrupting whatever Edward was saying. Edward looked up in surprise, then scowled at me. I shrugged. He could be mad at me. I couldn't let him implicate himself.

"Mr. Masen, I presume?" McCaffey stood, extending his hand. Edward's father shook it firmly. "I'm Detective McCaffey. This is my partner, Detective Ramsey. We were just talking with Edward about what happened Saturday night outside the Palmer House."

"I see," Edward's father said noncommittally, walking over to stand at Edward's shoulder.

"Yes." McCaffey sat back down. "He was just telling us that Mr. Hayden had assaulted his girlfriend." His eyes drifted to me. "That would be you, I assume, Miss…" He checked his notebook again. "…Smith?"

I gulped. "It's Swan, actually. Bella Swan."

"Oh?" McCaffey looked surprised, but I was pretty sure he was faking it. Ramsey just studied me with his beady eyes.

"You told Mr. Hayden your name was Jane Smith," he pointed out.

I shrugged, holding my chin up. "I lied."

"Why?"

"I didn't like him."

"I see." Detective McCaffey scribbled something in his notebook. "Do you often lead men on, then lie to them, Miss Swan?" he asked aggressively.

"What?" Edward exploded, shooting to his feet. "Bella did no such thing!"

"Edward, calm down," I said quietly, even though I was seething inside. I knew McCaffey was just trying to incite us in an attempt to get someone to admit something.

Mr. Masen rested his hand on Edward's shoulder. He stiffened, then sat down slowly, his eyes on me. I offered him what I hoped was a comforting nod.

"You danced with him," McCaffey pressed.

Edward's eyes flashed.

"I was dancing with a friend, but everyone had to switch partners," I explained. "I only danced with him… to be polite," I added through gritted teeth.

McCaffey was relentless. "His friends said you flirted with him all evening… that you accepted a flower from him."

I heard Edward growl, but didn't look his way.

"I was not flirting with him," I insisted, losing my battle to stay calm. "He was watching me and every now and then he'd catch my eye. I made it very clear that I was not interested in him, but he wouldn't take the hint," I felt my skin flushing as my anger got the better of me. "He and his friends were drunk and obnoxious!"

Mrs. Masen spoke for the first time. "That's true," she nodded emphatically. "Several of the ladies can testify to that. It's why I asked Edward to have them removed from the premises."

McCaffey didn't give up easily. He seemed to disregard Mrs. Masen's comment and continued to focus on me. "And how did you end up in alone in an alley with Mr. Hayden?"

I took a deep breath. "I left the ball to get away from him. I didn't like him watching me. I was waiting for my friend outside, but he followed me."

"Your friend?"

Crap. Alice. How could I explain Alice?

"My cousin, Alice." My heart rate quickened. I hoped he wouldn't ask me to speak to her. I didn't know what I'd do if he did.

"And where is this Alice now?" he asked.

I cleared my throat. "There was a family emergency," I told him, fighting against the trembling in my voice. "She had to go back to Iowa to be with her father."

He wrote furiously in his notebook. I looked toward Mr. Masen, but he just nodded at me slightly.

I thought lawyers were supposed to jump in with "Objection!" and "My client doesn't have to answer that!"

They really needed Law and Order in 1918.

"Then what happened?" McCaffey continued, dropping the subject of Alice for the moment.

I bit my lip. "He grabbed me. He tried to…" I glanced at Edward, who wore a pained expression, his eyes on the carpet. "He forced his attentions on me. I fought back and got away."

"You fought off a grown man?"

I bit back a sarcastic retort. "He was drunk. And I can defend myself if need be."

"And you felt no need to call the police to report this incident?" McCaffey's eyes widened in mock surprise and Ramsey twisted in his seat, obviously interested in my answer.

"It was over," I said bluntly. "I wasn't hurt. I just wanted to forget about it."

"I see," McCaffey mumbled as he jotted down some more notes. He turned back toward Edward. "And that's when you arrived?"

Edward nodded stiffly. "I only saw Mr. Hayden being taken away by his friends. They left and we went back inside."

"Tom Jacobsen and Samantha Swenson were there," I offered, "and Dr. Carlisle Cullen. They'll confirm everything we said."

McCaffey just nodded and flipped to another page in his notebook. I eyed Ramsey suspiciously. Why didn't he say anything?

"See, that's where we have a little problem," McCaffey said, finally snapping his notebook shut. "Everything you've said is corroborated by Mr. Hayden's friends – except for the difference in perspective about Miss Swan's interaction with him, of course – but that's neither here nor there."

He pursed his lips. "His friends brought Mr. Hayden home and left him in the room where he was staying for the weekend. But in the morning, he was gone… just vanished." He waved his hands in the air like a magician.

"We've been able to determine that sometime between midnight and seven o'clock Sunday morning he went outside. There was no sign of forced entry in the house, so we believe someone must have been waiting for him outside the house.

"Where were you during that time, Edward?"

Edward looked at him steadily, the only sign of fear a slight trembling of his hands. "I drove Bella and her cousin home, then I came here and went to bed," he said.

"Do you have anyone that can attest to that?" McCaffey pressed.

"Yes," I replied. "He drove us home."

"And what time was this?"

My heart sank. I was useless as an alibi. "Around midnight."

He turned to Edward's parents. "Were you here when your son got home?"

Mrs. Masen shot a panicked look at her husband. He cleared his throat.

"We got home around one-thirty. Edward's car was parked out front," he stated frostily.

"Mmm hmmm…" McCaffey re-opened his notebook and wrote something down. "So you cannot account for your son's whereabouts between midnight and one-thirty?" Met with silence, he continued. "As a matter of fact, you can't guarantee that your son did not leave the house after you went to bed, can you?"

Edward stood up again, running his hands through his hair in aggravation. "This is preposterous! What are you accusing me of? I didn't even know this man! How would I know where he was staying?"

McCaffey gazed at him steadily. "I don't know, Edward. Determined men can find things out. Ask a few questions… grease a few palms…"

Mr. Masen finally intervened. "Detectives, I think this has gone on long enough…"

McCaffey held up a hand. "Just one more thing," he said, nodding at Ramsey. The detective opened the envelope he'd been holding, dumping the contents on the coffee table before him.

I gasped.

Edward paled and sank back down to the sofa.

In front of him lay a blood-stained handkerchief, clearly bearing the monogram EAM.

"How?" his eyes darted about aimlessly for a moment before finally coming to rest on me.

"This was found on the ground around the side of the house where James Hayden was staying," Ramsey said gruffly. "There were also several other smears of blood, as well as a shoe we've confirmed was Mr. Hayden's."

"I can explain that-" I began, but Mr. Masen interrupted me quickly.

"Don't say another word," he ordered, his gaze flicking from me to Edward, "either one of you.

"Detectives, I'm afraid my son will answer no more questions at this time. So unless you are here to arrest him, I'll have to ask you to leave," he said acidly and I realized why he was such a successful attorney. When he set his mind to it, he was very intimidating.

Detective Ramsey picked up the handkerchief and placed it back in the envelope as the two of them stood.

"That's fine," McCaffey said agreeably. "We're done… for now. But this isn't over," he warned, his gaze on Edward. "If you had anything to do with Mr. Hayden's disappearance, it would be better for you to speak up now."

"That's enough!" Mr. Masen barked, striding to the front door and pulling it open. "Good day, gentlemen."

The detectives left without another word and Edward's father slammed the door behind them before returning to the living room to collapse into a chair. We all sat in stunned silence for a moment until Edward broke it.

"I don't understand… how did he get my handkerchief?"

I sighed, moving to the chair across from Edward.

"It fell out of my glove at the ball," I explained. "James picked it up and wouldn't give it back unless I danced with him again, so I left it. He must have used it on his bloody nose." I turned to Mr. Masen. "Can't I just tell them that? Won't that clear this all up?"

Mr. Masen released a heavy breath. "I don't know yet, Bella. They could just think you're trying to protect Edward." He scrubbed his hands over his face, then rather absently through his hair.

"I need some time to determine how to proceed," he announced finally. "In the meantime, I don't want any of you talking to the police without me."

I nodded and stood slowly. "I should probably go," I said quietly, moving toward the front door.

Edward jumped up. "I'll drive you," he offered distractedly, following me outside to the porch before he pulled the door closed.

"Edward," I said, turning to face him and fighting back tears. "I'm so sorry. I feel like this is all my fault."

Edward's gaze softened and he pulled me gently into his arms.

"Don't be ridiculous," he murmured. "None of this is your fault."

Oh, but he was wrong. If I hadn't been at the ball, none of it would have happened. If I hadn't set out to find Edward in the first place, none of it would have happened.

It was all my fault. Every last crazy bit of it.

I had to fix it.

I pushed away from him. "You should go back in and talk to your parents," I said, resolve making its way through my body. "I need to get to the hospital."

"But I should drive you," Edward repeated.

"No," I said firmly. "I have plenty of time. I'll take the 'L'. You should really figure things out with your dad."

"Are you sure?" His concerned gaze touched me deeply as he lifted a finger to stroke my cheek.

"I'll be fine," I insisted. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Edward nodded, leaning down to kiss me on the forehead. "See you tomorrow. I… love you," he said timidly, the words still new.

I smiled, running my fingers through his soft hair once. "I love you too, Edward."

I turned and walked away, sure of what I had to do. There was only one thing, really. One way.

My pace quickened as I neared the streetcar and I hopped on, willing it to go faster. I jumped off at the "L" station, racing to the platform just in time to catch the train. I sat watching the scenery unseeingly, my foot tapping impatiently as my heart raced.

Sure, all the so-called evidence the police had could be explained away. But I was not so naïve to think that it wasn't enough to condemn Edward. A threat… a bloody handkerchief… even without a body, it could be enough. It was pretty obvious the detectives believed they were on the right track and there was no way to prove Edward's innocence.

Innocent until proven guilty… a lovely thought, but not always the reality.

Of course, if James were to turn up, that would be helpful. I knew he wasn't dead… well not completely, anyway. There was a pretty good chance that at that moment he was sucking someone dry with a gleeful smile.

The asshole.

But I was also pretty sure the vampire defense wouldn't hold up in a court of law.

When the train finally ground to a halt, I was waiting at the doors to hurry off, my speed picking up even more as I stepped down the stairs from the platform and headed toward the hospital. By the time I was a block away I was running, dodging between people on the sidewalk and hopping over obstacles. I could hardly breathe, but whether it was from the exertion, or from the panic I felt flowing through me, I wasn't sure. I flung the door open, racing across the waiting room and ignoring the worried voices calling after me. I ran through the ward and took the stairs two at a time as I flew toward Carlisle's office.

He heard me coming, because the door burst open as I approached and he swept me inside in a flash, closing the door quickly behind me.

"Bella? What is it? What on earth is the matter?" he asked frantically.

I looked into his concerned amber eyes and felt the tears finally well up and overflow my own. I gripped his arms urgently, my breaths escaping in harsh pants.

"Carlisle… please," I sobbed, "I need your help."


	22. Of Clearing Names and Coming Clean

_Carlisle's Townhouse_

" _ **When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened."**_

_**\- John M. Richardson, Jr.** _

**Chapter 21 – Of Clearing Names and Coming Clean**

Carlisle wrapped an arm around my shoulders, helping me to a chair before handing me a handkerchief. One look at the snowy white fabric, and I erupted into a fresh round of tears.

"Bella, what is it?" he asked, bending to crouch next to my chair. "Tell me what you need. I'll do whatever I can."

I nodded, breathing deeply as I tried to stop crying. Carlisle patted my arm before moving to sit in the chair next to mine. I dabbed at my eyes and he waited patiently for me to get control of myself.

"It's Edward…" I began.

Carlisle stiffened. "What did he do?"

I huffed. "He didn't do anything. That's the whole problem!" At Carlisle's confused look, I continued, "The man who attacked me at the ball… James Hayden?" Carlisle nodded, urging me on. "He's… disappeared. The police seem to think Edward had something to do with it. They showed up at his house to question him."

"Why would they suspect Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"It's all circumstantial evidence," I told him. "James' friends told the police that Edward threatened him, which he did, but he didn't really mean it… then they found Edward's handkerchief at the scene… stained with blood."

Carlisle started to say something, but I interrupted. "James took the handkerchief from me at the ball… then when I bloodied his nose I think he used it to clean himself up. On top of that, Edward doesn't have an alibi for the time that James disappeared."

Carlisle absorbed everything I had told him for a moment. "Bella, you know I'll do what I can to help… I'm just not sure what you're asking of me. I don't really know what I can do.

"Are you… are you sure Edward's innocent? Not that I would blame him, after what that man did to you…"

I gaped at Carlisle. "Of course he's innocent! Edward didn't do anything!"

"All right," he replied, raising his hands defensively. "But I don't understand how I can help."

I took a deep breath, trying to focus. I hadn't told him the most important part.

"James isn't dead," I told him, looking him square in the eyes. "I'm pretty sure he's been changed."

Carlisle's eyes narrowed. "Changed…?"

I nodded, widening my eyes in emphasis. "You know…" I waved a hand up and down toward Carlisle, indicating his pale, cold, marble body. "… _changed_."

Carlisle sat back with a stunned look. "How do you…" he began, before throwing up his own hands, "…never mind. I don't think I want to know."

"Of course I can't tell the police what really happened," I muttered, sitting back into my own chair and swiping at my running nose.

Carlisle released a mirthless chuckle. "No… no, I wouldn't advise that."

"I'm sorry to drag you into this, Carlisle. I just didn't know what else to do."

He shook his head at me with a small smile. "Don't be ridiculous. I told you I'd always be here for you if you need me."

"What can we do?" I asked, feeling panic rising up once again. "This is all my fault, Carlisle. Edward can't be punished for something he didn't do… all because of me!"

Carlisle observed me quietly for a moment.

"You love him."

"Yes," I said simply.

He exhaled heavily, then looked away. "I had hoped…"

My heart sank. I was hurting him. Unintentionally and without wanting to, but I was still hurting him. Alice was right about Carlisle. Edward was too. I couldn't deny it anymore.

I reached out tentatively and took his cold hand in mine, eying him steadily. "Carlisle… You are a dear friend and you'll never know how much you've done for me and how important you've become to me."

A small smile lifted his lips as he prodded, "But…"

I sighed. "But," I repeated, "Edward has my soul."

He said nothing, his eyes falling to the floor.

"I know it's hard," I sympathized. "You're… different from those around you… isolated. I know it's lonely."

"It hasn't been," he interjected. "Lonely, that is… since you came along. I'm…" He took a deep breath, then finally looked me straight in the eye. "I'm… I'm in love with you, Bella."

I smiled softly. "No, you're not."

"Don't tell me how I feel," he said angrily, pulling his hand free and looking away.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I don't mean to belittle what you're saying. It's just…" I waited for him to look at me. "It's just that I've _seen_ you in love, Carlisle… truly, deeply, and passionately in love. And it wasn't with me."

His brow furrowed. "I don't understand."

"You will… one day not far from now," I assured him, sitting forward earnestly. All concerns about messing up the future took a backseat to consoling my friend.

"Just… please trust me," I asked him yet again. "The one for you is out there. She's absolutely amazing and beautiful and kind. She's your soul mate… and you _will_ find her… _soon_. Then you'll realize that we were only ever meant to be friends."

He looked deep into my eyes as if trying to read the truth there. Finally, he seemed to see it, and his shoulders dropped slightly. "You're sure of this?" he asked, and I could see he really wanted to believe me.

"Absolutely."

"All right then," he said with a sigh. "I'll do what I can to help."

x-x

I told Carlisle where James had disappeared. Well, the general neighborhood as reported in the _Tribune_ , at least. I didn't have the exact address, but he said once he got close he should be able to pick up the trail. I wasn't sure what Carlisle was going to do, but he said he'd figure out a way to clear Edward's name. He got another doctor to cover his shifts under the guise of having a family emergency out of town, and told me he'd be in contact as soon as he could.

I really didn't deserve Carlisle.

"It's important James doesn't know you're trailing him," I warned before he left. "He's a tracker, Carlisle." At this, his eyes widened. "You can't lead him back here or let him know that anyone is looking for him. I can't emphasize how important that is."

Carlisle had simply nodded and left me alone in his office.

The hours dragged on after he was gone, and all I could really do was worry. Instead of hiding in Carlisle's office, I decided to go out into the ward and help out wherever I could in an attempt to distract myself. The doctor filling in for Carlisle was an older man with a kind face who spent his time between patients flipping through medical journals or reading a tattered copy of _The Count of Monte Cristo_ in the original French. He didn't really need my help with that, so instead I worked with the new nurse's assistant changing sheets and emptying bedpans before heading to the storage closet to inventory and organize the supplies.

It was mindless busy work, but it did the job.

I waited a little while after my shift with hope that Carlisle would appear, but the clear skies and sunny morning made me doubt he'd venture back to the hospital, even if he was back in the area. So I headed home and tried to sleep, tossing and turning until I finally fell into an exhausted slumber.

x-x

Edward didn't seem worried about the police investigation. Either that, or – in typical Edward fashion – he was trying to keep _me_ from worrying about it.

I tended to believe the latter.

All he would say when I asked about it was that his father was handling things. I didn't really push it since I was keeping some secrets of my own.

Thursday afternoon, Edward came by the boarding house again right after school. He was studying in the kitchen as Maggie washed dishes when I finally came down. Intending to help with the dishes, I walked by him, running my hand lightly across the back of his shoulders. He started slightly, then grabbed my hand to kiss it with a grin before releasing me. Of course, Maggie just waved off my offer to help. I wanted to nonchalantly ask if I'd received any phone calls while I was asleep, but was leery with Edward sitting there.

I mean, he had to wonder who'd be calling me… other than him.

I had to admit, the fact that Carlisle had yet to contact me had me a little concerned. How long did it take to track a vampire, anyway?

Alice had told me during one of our late-night talks about the extra boost of strength that came with being a newborn. I knew Carlisle could handle himself, but I prayed it wouldn't come to that. He seemed to understand my warnings that he not come into direct contact with James.

Like he always did, Carlisle trusted me. I really hoped that trust wasn't misplaced in this instance.

"What are you working on?" I asked Edward, shaking my head to clear it as I sat down at the kitchen table across from him. I reached over to smooth a crease of concentration between his brows, and he smiled at me.

He slammed the book shut. "Nothing too important," he insisted. "I was just waiting for you."

I reached out to stop him as he turned to put his book away. "Oh no, you don't," I warned playfully. "If you have homework to do, you should do it. I don't want to be responsible for you failing…" I read the title of his text upside down. "…General Physiology." It wasn't Biology, but it was close enough. I snickered internally at the irony, but tried to hide my smile.

"I know everything anyway." He grinned, then at my eye roll continued, "Well, all that I need to know for my exam… not everything about _everything_."

I heard Maggie chuckle, so just to be cheeky I grabbed his book and flipped it open.

"We'll just see how much you know," I said skeptically, narrowing my eyes at him. The textbook was different than any I'd seen before – no colorful pictures or sidebars with definitions. Instead, it was page after page of typed information, interspersed only occasionally with black and white illustrations. I stopped at a chapter titled _Excitation and Inhibition_. It seemed an appropriate chapter, given our relationship.

"Hmmm…" I murmured, biting my lip as I examined the pages. I looked up at Edward briefly to find him watching my mouth, his eyes intent and dark. They flashed up to mine, and the corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk that made me warm all over.

_What was I doing again?_

The dishes clattered in the sink and I jumped guiltily, turning back to the book as I flushed.

"Ummm… how is the excitation of muscle similar to that of nerves?" I blurted out the first thing that jumped off the page.

Edward leaned back in his chair. "Well, as in nerve cells, in the state of excitation, there is evidence of increased permeability of the muscle cell," he replied. "The membrane becomes permeable to ions to which it was impermeable while unexcited. It lets down the walls, so to speak."

I glanced at him and he raised his eyebrows suggestively. I blushed deeper, looking back down. How could he make ions and cells sound so sexy?

"And…" My voice cracked and I cleared my throat. "Ummm… In what other ways does an electrical impulse affect muscle?"

Maggie started drying the dishes with a towel and putting them away. She hummed lightly to herself and seemed to be ignoring us.

"There are four properties of striated muscle that are involved with the contraction instigated by an electrical impulse," Edward began, and I felt something rub against my ankle. I looked down in surprise to find Edward's foot hooked around mine. I gasped, my eyes darting to Maggie, who still had her back turned. I glared at Edward and tried to pull my foot away, but he extended his other leg, trapping my ankle between his.

"The first property is the latent period," he continued as though he hadn't noticed my reaction. "This is the short, almost immeasurable interval between the application of a stimulus and the excitation of the muscle. It seems to happen simultaneously, but it really doesn't."

I tried to relax and not draw Maggie's attention, and felt Edward's ankle slowly begin to rub against mine, his pant leg lifting enough so I could feel his bare skin. As always, it sent tingles through me – a sensation apparently heightened by the fear of getting caught.

 _Who knew I was such an exhibitionist?_ My breath rate increased, and without conscious thought my lips parted.

Edward's eyes flicked down to my mouth as he kept rubbing my leg slowly. "The second is metabolism, where the muscle utilizes the stimulus to create energy… in this case, to contract." His foot traced up along my calf and back down again. I heaved a breath, unable to speak, and his eyes dropped down to my chest at the movement.

"The third is an expected by-product of metabolism." His foot hooked under my knee, lifting my leg gently. I couldn't resist. With one last glance at Maggie, who had moved on to washing the kitchen windows, I allowed Edward to raise my foot into his lap. I felt his fingers trail up my shoe, then over my stockinged calf. My eyes fluttered closed briefly as warmth washed through me.

"Any time there is a transformation of energy," Edward continued, his eyes intent as his fingers brushed my leg, "there is heat production."

_Uh. Yeah. Heat production. Check._

"Finally, after the muscle has contracted… reaching its apex… exhausting the energy source… depleting it," he added, squeezing my leg slightly, then rubbing it with his thumb. "There is fatigue. The muscle relaxes completely… until the next stimulus." He stroked my calf once more softly before lowering my foot to the floor. I looked at him, completely flustered and at a loss for words.

He winked at me.

I gulped.

"Anything else?" he asked saucily.

"Sounds to me like you have it down pat," Maggie interjected, folding her towel with a snap. "Why don't you both go out and enjoy the sunshine? I think the studying can wait for a bit." She set her towel on the counter and left the kitchen, patting my shoulder offhandedly on the way.

We ended up on the bench in the back yard again, laughing, talking, and sneaking hot kisses.

If Edward had set his mind on distracting me, he certainly did a good job of it.

x-x

I still hadn't heard from Carlisle by the time I got off work Friday morning. To be honest, I was getting pretty worried. All night I was distracted and tense, and Patty commented more than once on my inattention.

"Thinking of your handsome beau?" she had teased. No one but Carlisle knew about Edward's legal troubles, so I just smiled and nodded.

"He is a keeper," she'd said dreamily as we'd worked together updating the patient files. I'd told Patty about my work with Carlisle, and she'd been eager to put my organizational skills to use on the rest of the hospital records.

"…handsome, smart… good family… you could do worse," she'd continued. "This is misfiled. It goes with the C's." She handed me the file and I slid it in the proper spot.

"Yes," I agreed. "He is pretty wonderful."

He was.

Edward was everything I wanted, and until this whole mess with James happened, I was beginning to think I could actually _have_ him… that we could have each other.

But it seemed that I had brought a danger into Edward's life that would have to be dealt with first.

Thank God for Carlisle. I had no idea what I'd do without him.

At the thought of Carlisle, a twinge of guilt hit me. I hoped I hadn't made a mistake telling him what I had about his future. I just couldn't bear to see him lonely and hurting. I felt I had to at least give him some hope. I felt a little better remembering that Alice had said I should follow my instincts about Carlisle. Everything in me told me it was the right thing to do at the time.

I prayed my instincts were right.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Patty asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I forced a smile. "Yes. Fine. Just a little tired," I admitted. "I didn't sleep too well yesterday."

That was an understatement. Once again, I'd tossed and turned, only to fall into a troubled sleep haunted by disturbing dreams. The nightmares were peppered with frightening images of James, Carlisle and Edward… pain, blood, and terror.

I prayed Carlisle would call soon.

After work, I went home and collapsed into bed. I was afraid to fall asleep… afraid of yet another round of horrifying dreams. To my surprise, though, I drifted off almost immediately and my sleep was uninterrupted and dreamless. I guessed even my subconscious was exhausted.

I got dressed and made my way downstairs, a little surprised when I didn't find Edward waiting for me. I wondered if something was wrong and was just about to call him when I heard the phone ring. Maggie had her hands in a bowl mixing meatloaf, so I went into the little room off the kitchen to answer it.

"Maggie's boarding house."

"Bella? Is that you?" Even through the crackling line, I recognized Edward's voice, and he sounded happy… maybe even a little excited.

"Hi, Edward," I replied, his enthusiasm bringing a smile to my face. "I was just about to call you."

"I have some wonderful news," he said. "The police just contacted my father. They have concluded the investigation into James Hayden's disappearance, and I'm no longer under suspicion."

"Really?" My mind raced to grab on to what Edward was saying. "That's fantastic! Did they say why they changed their minds?"

"Not really," Edward replied. "My father said they uncovered some new evidence that cleared me, and actually indicated there was no foul play after all."

I absorbed that for a moment. "Well, that's strange. I wonder what kind of evidence they found."

Edward laughed. "I couldn't care less, to be honest. I'm just thrilled to not have this hanging over my head anymore. I thought maybe we could go out tonight to celebrate?"

"That sounds wonderful."

Edward wanted to take me to a fancy restaurant downtown. I told him I'd take the "L" and meet him, though, saying I had a few things to take care of before dinner. He was too happy to ask questions, so I didn't have to admit I was going to talk to Carlisle.

I wasn't stupid. The police didn't just change their minds about things. I knew Carlisle had something to do with this so-called new evidence.

I stopped at the hospital first, but it was still light out, so Carlisle wasn't there. I made my way to his office, digging out the directory I'd found when I first arrived in Chicago. It wasn't difficult to find his address and phone number. I thought about calling him, but decided I'd rather have the conversation in person. I just hoped he was home, because I had no idea where else to look.

I mean, where do vampires go to unwind? I wasn't sure I really wanted to know.

Carlisle lived in a modest but beautiful three-story townhouse about six blocks from the hospital. As I approached the dark gray building, I took in the crisp white trim, detailed dentil moulding, pediment, and intricate carved corbels over the arched doorway. I was a little surprised at the choice of turquoise for the front double doors.

Who knew Carlisle was so whimsical when it came to decorating?

I skipped up the front steps and knocked on the door firmly. After a few moments, footsteps approached and Carlisle pulled the doors open with a smile.

"Bella!" he said, standing back so I could enter. "I just called the boarding house looking for you. Maggie told me you were out for the evening."

I stood in the entryway, briefly admiring the polished wood floors, pale blue walls and white woodwork. "Edward called and told me the police have called off the dogs. I figured you had something to do with that," I told him. "I wanted to see you in person to thank you."

Carlisle smiled softly. "No thanks are necessary, Bella. Really." He extended an arm. "Well, come in and sit down. I'll tell you what I learned."

 

  


_Carlisle's Foyer_

He ushered me into a sitting room furnished with matching dark blue sofas facing each other over a low coffee table. A fireplace took up the far wall, although no fire was lit. My eye was drawn to a painting over the mantle, and I approached it slowly. It was dark and brooding, almost disturbing. A woman with cascading red hair held a man to her bosom, her lips pressed to his neck. The man clung to her, encapsulated by her arms, her flaming hair, and the darkness surrounding both of them.

 

  


"Do you know Munch?" Carlisle asked, coming to stand next to me as I examined the painting.

"Munch?" I bit my lip. The name sounded familiar. "Edvard Munch? The guy who painted _The Scream_?" That painting was creepy, but it always reminded me of the kid from the movie _Home Alone_ when he realized he was home… alone.

"Yes," Carlisle replied quietly, his eyes on the painting. "This is another of his. When it was first unveiled, some believed it was a reference to Munch's visits to prostitutes. While others thought it depicted the death of his favorite sister. It was originally titled _Love and Pain,_ you know. But a critic misinterpreted the meaning of the painting and it became known by another name."

I leaned closer, my eyes wandering over the brushstrokes before coming to rest once again on where the woman's mouth rested against the man's neck. No, not rested… _connected_.

"What did he call it?" I murmured, transfixed.

Carlisle didn't answer for a moment, so I tore my gaze from the painting to find him smirking slightly.

" _Vampire_ ," he said, his eyes flicking to mine briefly.

I smiled but made no comment as I moved away from the painting and took a seat on one of the sofas.

"So, what happened with the police? Did you find James?" I asked, leaving Carlisle's art preferences by the wayside for now.

He sat down across from me. "It took some time, but I did track him to a small house near Marquette, Michigan. His scent was strong, but they were already gone by the time I got there."

"They?"

Carlisle sat back, crossing his legs and tenting his fingers in front of his mouth. "His sire was there as well. I think they holed up in the house during James' transformation. I don't know how much you know about the… process, but it is quite painful. I'm sure James' sire wanted to isolate him as much as possible during that time to insure nobody heard the… screams. The basement was nearly soundproof." Carlisle eyed me warily, but I only nodded to indicate I understood.

"I trailed them as far north as Kenora, in northern Ontario before I turned back," he explained. "An anonymous call to the police department led to the discovery of the nest."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "But I'd imagine the police couldn't smell James' scent… so how did they know he'd been there?"

Carlisle chuckled, but he didn't look away. "It's possible that a few items belonging to Mr. Hayden might have been present in the house."

I had to hand it to him. He was good.

"Carlisle!" I exclaimed in mock astonishment. "Are you telling me you broke into James' room, stole his clothes, and planted evidence for the police to find?"

He didn't answer, just shook his head slightly and laughed. "I stayed until the local police arrived. The evidence helped, but I think it was the testimony of the neighbor that really closed the case."

"How so?"

Carlisle stood and walked to the mantle, eyeing the Munch painting for a moment. "I eavesdropped on a few conversations," he admitted, flashing a glance my way in time to catch my smirk.

I knew he was always eavesdropping.

"The neighbor told the police that she saw a woman going into the house," he added. "The police determined that Mr. Hayden ran off with his lady love and didn't want anyone to know where he was.

"It turns out our James had a fiancée back in Springfield," he added. "It appears he was trying to avoid a scandal."

"That dirty dog," I muttered, remembering how he'd flirted with every girl at the charity ball… including me.

_Gag._

"Yes, well the witness account, combined with the evidence in the house, was enough to convince the police that nothing untoward had happened to James," Carlisle said, leaning his shoulder on the mantle and crossing his arms. "So, Edward was no longer under suspicion."

I leaned back on the sofa, my head hitting the back as my eyes closed for a moment. I exhaled heavily.

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said quietly, my eyes still closed. He had saved Edward. He saved us both.

"You're welcome."

Something Carlisle had said unsettled me. "Wait a second. You said a woman was in the house? James' sire was a woman?"

Carlisle shrugged. "Yes."

"Wouldn't she be a dam?"

"A dam?" Carlisle laughed. "We're not dogs, Bella."

I smiled, then a chill ran down my spine as my eyes drifted to the painting. "Did the neighbor describe the woman?" I asked softly.

Carlisle's attention returned to the painting as well. "She just said a beautiful woman… with flaming red hair." His fingers traced over the red hair of the woman in the painting.

No.

No, it couldn't be.

_Victoria?_

_Victoria_ changed James?

A surge of panic rushed through me. "We have to get out of here, Carlisle. They'll come for us…" I stood quickly, pacing back and forth between the couch and the coffee table.

"What are you talking about?"

"James and… Vi… his sire… they'll come for me," I said urgently. "They're very dangerous. We have to run!"

"Bella, Bella, calm down," Carlisle said soothingly, grasping me by the shoulders. "They're not coming back. Not anytime soon."

"You can't know that!" I was losing it. Quickly and completely. "James is a tracker. He'll remember me. He'll come for me!"

"Bella, listen to me," Carlisle said firmly, shaking my shoulders a little to get my attention. "Just calm down and listen to me."

I looked into his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath… then another. "Okay… okay… I'm okay." I sat down and Carlisle crouched in front of me.

"James is _not_ a tracker… not yet anyway. And for the first year after his transformation, James will _not_ be thinking about you," he assured me. "His every thought will center on his next… meal. It's already quite evident. The two of them left a very messy trail in their wake. It took some time for me to cover their tracks."

"You covered their tracks?" I asked, confused.

"Exposure is an enemy to us all," he said simply. "James' sire knows this. It appears she… cares for him to some extent. She will endeavor to keep both of them from attracting any unwanted attention. That's why they were heading north, most likely to an isolated area.

"You have nothing to fear from either of them in the immediate future. In fact, I doubt James will actually remember you," he added. "Human memories tend to fade, replaced by clearer, more vivid ones. Most likely, you've seen the last of him."

I felt my heart rate returning to normal. "Are you sure? Really sure?"

Carlisle nodded. "I am. You have nothing to fear."

I collapsed back on the sofa in relief. I couldn't really explain it, but I believed Carlisle. James was destined to kill a lot of people, but I wasn't one of them. He'd make it to Biloxi for Alice… and eventually, to Forks for his death. Things would happen as they were meant to happen. As for Victoria, she had no idea I even existed. It was hard to believe she really was James' sire – although I had a hard time imagining some other red-headed, female vampire would have changed him.

James would not remember me. I was forgettable. Unless…

Unless maybe he _did_ remember me… in a way, at least. Maybe… just maybe what happened in the alley stuck with James somehow, even if he wasn't really aware of it. Could it be that once he found Alice, it triggered a subconscious memory of that kick to the stomach she gave him? Could that have been what _really_ led to his obsession with her? Is it possible that his fascination with hunting me might have had less to do with Edward, and more to do with revenge for what I'd done to him – even if he didn't know it on a conscious level?

It was strange to imagine that what Alice and I had done might have - in some small way - influenced what James would become. Of course, there was no way to know for sure, but it was interesting to consider.

I was so lost in my thoughts that it took me a moment to notice that Carlisle had lapsed into silence, his eyes nervously regarding me before flicking away.

"Carlisle? What is it?"

He sighed. "I want to ask you something. But I don't want you to feel like you have to answer… like I'm demanding payment for my help with Edward."

"I would never think that," I countered. "Just ask."

He thought for a moment, his gaze focused on his hands.

"What's she like?" Carlisle finally asked quietly.

I knew immediately who he was talking about. "Carlisle…" I protested.

"Please, Bella. Just tell me _something_ about her." He turned pleading eyes to me, and I saw for the first time the true extent of the loneliness… the desperation… that led him to change Edward in the first place. Carlisle was completely alone in the world. His mere existence separated him from humanity… and his morality distanced him from others of his own kind. My heart ached for him in that moment, and I found I couldn't withhold the only thing that could give him hope for the future.

"Esme is… beautiful," I began.

His eyes widened in surprise that I'd answered. "Esme," he repeated softly.

I nodded. "She's sweet and kind and loving," I told him. "She'll be broken and you will save her."

He grimaced a little at the word "save" and looked away.

"She will be your wife. The mother to your children." At this he gaped at me in shock.

"But that's impossible!"

"Not like that." I rolled my eyes and Carlisle's softened. "But you _will_ have a family, Carlisle. You will have a loving family."

 _Less one_ , I said to myself, guilt twisting in my stomach. _You'll never have Edward. I'm sorry for that._

"A family…" Carlisle was gazing into the distance, imagining the future I'd presented to him… a future he'd doubted possible.

"Esme," he said thoughtfully, feeling the name roll off his tongue. His gaze sharpened, "Wait… it's not… Esme Platt?"

Taken aback, I stammered, "I… I don't know… I never knew her maiden name."

"And how will I find her?" he pressed.

I hesitated, worried about how much I should tell him. But then it hit me. Carlisle found Esme _because_ he changed Edward. His decision to save Edward led him on a path away from Chicago… to where, I wasn't sure… Edward hadn't told me where they'd gone from here. I cursed my lack of information. It was possible that by preventing Edward's change, I was keeping Carlisle in Chicago… in turn keeping him from Esme… then Rosalie and Emmett… Alice… Jasper… the chain reaction could be disastrous.

 _Follow your instincts._ Alice's words came to me once again and I exhaled heavily, trusting them implicitly.

I decided I needed to tell Carlisle as much as I could… I _had_ to make sure he found Esme. I couldn't be responsible for the alternative.

"I don't know much," I began, and Carlisle leaned toward me slightly as if willing me to remember. "She had a baby… a baby who died a few days after birth. After that she… fell off a cliff." I couldn't bring myself to say she'd attempted suicide.

Compassion filled his features as he watched me intently. I lowered my eyes as I continued quietly, "They thought she was dead and brought her to the hospital morgue…"

"This hospital?" he asked quickly.

I shook my head. "No, not here... not in Chicago. But I don't know where. I'm sorry." He motioned for me to continue. "Her… heart was still beating… barely… and you saved her."

"When?"

"I'm not sure exactly. I know it's not long after…" I caught myself quickly before I mentioned Edward. "Not long from now," I said instead. "Within the next few years. I'm sorry. I wish I could be more specific."

He absorbed that information for a moment. Then he looked away again and spoke softly, remembering. "A few years ago I was living in Ohio and I treated a girl… a girl named Esme Platt," he said. "She was young… only sixteen… and had fallen out of a tree and broken her leg. A lovely girl… I remembered thinking she was very… special," he reflected quietly. "She would be twenty-three now. I wonder…"

He turned back to me abruptly. "What does she look like?"

I bit my lip in concentration. "She's a little taller than me, maybe mid-twenties…heart-shaped face… long, wavy hair… brown, but with other colors too…kind of like caramel. Her eyes, well…" I shrugged. "…they were the same as yours when I met her." I smiled sheepishly.

His lips quirked a little. "Of course." He thought for a moment, then straightened suddenly, moving to a bookshelf on the far side of the room, scanning it quickly. He pulled a thick, leather-bound book from a shelf and brought it back to the sofa, laying it on the coffee table.

"I keep scrapbooks," he said, flipping through pages quickly. "Photos, newspaper clippings… that kind of thing."

I had no idea why a vampire with a perfect memory would need old newspaper clippings, but I just said wryly, "You must have a lot of scrapbooks." He smirked at me briefly before returning to the book.

"There was a newspaperman there that day," he recalled. "The mayor had come in with a severe burn on his arm… but maybe…" He stopped and scanned a page closely. "There!" he said triumphantly, turning the book around to face me.

I looked at the yellowed clipping from the _Columbus Dispatch_. The headline read _Mayor Injured in House Fire_ , and next to the article was a large photograph of the mayor with his arm swathed in gauze. I looked up at Carlisle in confusion.

"Here," he said, pointing at a figure in the background. I looked at the girl lying in the bed with her leg in a cast and gasped. It was slightly out of focus, and she looked a little different… younger with slightly rounder features… but I would recognize that girl anywhere.

"It's Esme," I whispered, running my fingers over the faded page.

"That's her?" he asked, an excited grin on his face. "You're sure?"

"Absolutely." I nodded. "That's her."

I watched as his smile fell. "But you said she had a baby… that means she was already married…"

I touched his arm gently. "I don't know anything about that," I told him. "But I'm telling you that you and Esme are _meant_ to be together. I am as sure of that as I am of anything," I said firmly.

His eyes fell to the scrapbook again. "At least I know who I'm looking for," he said. "Who I'm waiting for." He shook his head. "It seems wrong, though. I'm, in essence, waiting for her death."

"You can't interfere," I told him firmly. "You have to stay out of it until it's the right time."

He said nothing, just gazed at the picture of his future wife with a small smile on his face. "I understand."

"There's more," I continued.

"More?" He looked up curiously.

I didn't even hesitate this time.

 _In for a penny, in for a pound_. Or as Edward would say, "As long as I'm going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."

"The rest… of your family," I explained. "I don't know a lot about how they come to you, but I can tell you the next will be Rosalie… Rosalie Hale. Rosalie will bring you Emmett. Then, later… Alice and Jasper will find you."

"Alice? Your cousin, Alice?" he asked, seemingly overwhelmed at all I was telling him.

"She's not really my cousin," I admitted with a small smile. "But she is my friend… and she will be your daughter."

"Daughter," Carlisle repeated in awe. "A family…" He swallowed deeply and I smiled, warmed at the thought that I'd finally given something back to this kind, loving man who'd given so much to me.

_Hope._

"Thank you," he said finally, his eyes meeting mine. "You can't know what this means to me."

I did, though. I really did.

"You're welcome," I replied. "I've got to tell you, though, I hope I didn't make a mistake by telling you all of this." I frowned slightly, but it lifted when I saw the smile on Carlisle's face. It was totally worth it.

"So do I," Carlisle admitted. "But I'm glad you did."

x-x

I left Carlisle's house and walked the short distance to the restaurant where I was to meet Edward. It was a beautiful evening, and the restaurant had a second floor dining room with a spectacular view of Lake Michigan. The view of Edward, I had to admit, was even more spectacular. He wore a dark suit and tie, his hair tamed and his face relaxed and smiling. He stood as I approached the table and held my chair for me as I sat down.

"You look beautiful," he said, lifting my hand to kiss my knuckles. I might have swooned a little at that.

Okay, a lot.

"You look good, too," I replied, blushing a little as I picked up my menu. "This place is amazing. Have you been here before?"

Edward nodded, taking a sip of his water. "A few times. My parents really like it."

The waiter approached and informed us of the daily specials. I opted for the poached salmon, while Edward chose pork chops.

"So, in light of everything that has happened, my parents have completely lifted my restrictions," he said with a smile. "I'm a free man."

"Congratulations." I grinned. "I would have thought being under police investigation might soften them up a bit."

Edward laughed. "Well, it definitely helped. I'm glad that's over, though." He sobered a little. "I have to admit I was pretty worried there for a while."

"You could have fooled me."

He shrugged. "There was nothing really to be done about it, so I figured, why dwell on it. But Bella, I was scared."

I met his steady gaze. "So was I."

Our food arrived and our conversation turned to lighter topics. The salmon was delicious, and Edward offered me a bite of his meal, which was also incredible. I felt a little sad thinking about how Alice would have loved the place, but I tried to shake off the melancholy and enjoy Edward's company.

He was excited about the end of the school year, but concerned about final exams. He told me Samantha would be graduating in a couple of weeks and invited me to attend her graduation party with him.

"Tom came and saw me last week," he said casually… a little too casually.

"Really?" I was surprised. I didn't think they knew each other that well. "What did he want?"

"To talk about Samantha. He said he knew we were close friends and wanted to ask my advice."

"Advice? About what?"

Edward took another drink of his water and smiled. "He's going to propose after graduation."

My mouth dropped open. "That's… that's incredible! I'm so happy for them. But…"

"But what?"

I shrugged. "It's just that… Samantha's kind of young to get married, isn't she?"

"She's almost eighteen," Edward said, a little defensively.

"Yes, well… that's pretty young."

"Not too young," he said abruptly, his ears turning pink.

 _Crap._ I hoped I wasn't offending him. I mean, in this time it probably wasn't a big deal for a teenager to get married.

"Well, regardless, I'm sure she'll say yes," I said diplomatically. "She's crazy about Tom."

"As he is about her," Edward replied quietly, poking at his food.

"Edward?" I asked, recognizing the sign that something was on his mind. "What are you thinking?"

He smiled, but didn't look up. "I was just… uh… thinking about… marriage."

"What about it?"

Edward's eyes met mine. "I was thinking about… _our_ … marriage."

I had been chewing a bite of grilled asparagus, which was a mistake, because I choked on it. Hard. Coughing and sputtering I reached for my water, my eyes filling.

"Are you all right?" Edward asked with concern, standing to pat me on the back. "Raise your arms," he instructed.

I set my water down and did as he directed, feeling like a fool, and eventually, my coughing subsided. I wiped my eyes with my napkin and took another long drink of water.

"Better?" Edward took his seat, replacing his napkin in his lap.

"Yes. I'm good," I replied, not meeting his eyes.

"Bella, what is it?" He reached out to take my hand, squeezing it gently. "Should I not have said anything? Did you want me to properly propose first?"

My eyes snapped up. "No!" At his startled look, I lowered my voice. "No, it's not that. I just didn't know… I didn't _realize_ you were thinking about…" I swallowed deeply, then forced the word from my mouth. "…marriage." It came out as a whisper. Like a dirty word.

"Of course I've been thinking about it." He looked genuinely offended, and leaned forward, speaking quietly, but fervently. "Bella, surely you didn't think I would do the things I've done if I didn't have every intention of marrying you!"

I should have been ecstatic, but instead I was overcome with guilt. I'd done it. I'd seduced Edward and now he wanted to marry me. It wasn't exactly what I'd planned, but it would give me what I wanted. He'd marry me. He'd leave with me. He'd live.

And I couldn't go through with it.

"You don't really want to marry me, Edward," I said sadly.

"Of course I do," he replied emphatically.

"No… no you don't." I fought the tears pricking at my eyes. "I tricked you." I looked up to meet his confused look. "I manipulated you."

"What do you mean?" he asked, releasing my hand. "How did you manipulate me?"

I released a shuddering sigh. "I set out to…" I gulped and looked back down at the table, overcome with guilt and embarrassment. "…seduce you."

Edward choked slightly. "What?"

"You heard me." I flashed a glance at him, but couldn't read his expression.

"And how… exactly… did you go about doing this?" he asked.

God. He was really going to make me say it.

"Ummm… flirting with you… touching you… getting you drunk," I admitted.

"Knocking my fork to the floor?" he added, reminding me of the incident at the café when I tried to get him to look at my legs.

I nodded, mortified.

"Talking to other men to make me jealous?"

My eyes flashed. "No. I never did that. I would never do that to you."

He nodded in acquiescence, but I still couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"So," he said evenly. "You're saying you did all these things… to trick me into marrying you?"

I shrugged. "Well, not _that_ exactly."

"You wanted to seduce me."

I just nodded miserably. He was silent, so after a moment, I hazarded a glance at him.

He was smiling widely, his eyes sparkling.

"You think this is funny?" I asked, annoyed. "I've just bared my soul… confessed my sins… humiliated myself, and you think it's funny?"

Edward responded by laughing, loud and hard.

Oh, what I would have given for a straight shot at his groin right then.

"I'm sorry." He gasped, wiping at his eyes. "I'm not laughing at you, really."

"It sure seems like it," I grumbled.

"It's just that…" He breathed deeply, finally regaining control. "You think I didn't _know_?"

"Know what?"

He smiled broadly, reaching for my hand again. "You think I didn't realize what you were doing?"

My mind raced, then a whole new wave of embarrassment flashed through me and I pulled my hand away abruptly. "You _knew_? You knew what I was trying to do the whole time?"

Edward chuckled. "No offense, Bella, but subtlety isn't exactly your strong suit."

"Oh, my God." My head dropped into my hands as I clenched my eyes shut. "This is so humiliating."

"I think it's kind of cute," he teased, pulling my hands away from my face.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me," I said accusingly. "That really wasn't very gentlemanly."

Edward shrugged. "What was I supposed to say? Besides, just because I knew what you were doing, doesn't mean I didn't appreciate the effort." He grinned at me and I couldn't help but return his smile.

"So, that's not why you want to marry me?"

Edward's smile softened and he reached out to touch my cheek. "Bella, I think I fell in love with you the first time you called me a Neanderthal asshole."

_Ah, yes. Good times._

"And I decided I'd marry you a long time ago… long before you ever tested your skills at seduction."

I bristled slightly at that. "You decided, huh. Were you ever planning on asking me how _I_ felt about it?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "I was planning to ask eventually, but I assumed we felt the same way about this." He looked around the dining room nervously, making sure we weren't being overheard. Fortunately, we were in an isolated corner. "Bella, we've been _… intimate_. I told you that's not something I do with just anyone."

"It's not something I do with just anyone either," I whispered back.

"Then why are you fighting me on this? Unless…" Edward sat back suddenly, an uncertain and nervous look on his face. "Unless you don't _want_ to marry me?"

My heart broke a little at his hurt expression. "No… it's not that…"

"Well, what is it then?" he asked in exasperation.

"It's just so sudden," I explained finally. "We haven't known each other that long, and I thought we'd have more time before we talked about marriage."

That sounded reasonable, right? The fact was, Edward had knocked me for a loop when he mentioned the "M" word. Not that I had anything against the institution as a whole, but as the product of a failed marriage, I had a few prejudices that were firmly entrenched. Namely, about me getting married before I was, say… thirty-five or something.

I wasn't an idiot. I knew I was going to have to get over my aversion if things went the way I hoped with Edward. I knew people in 1918 didn't just shack up and live in sin. And I was planning… hoping… to marry him… eventually. I actually wanted to marry him… _eventually_. But I didn't really think it was a pre-requisite to the success of my plan. I was kind of hoping Edward would be okay with running away with me… and getting married at some point down the road.

Delusional? Okay, maybe a little.

"So, you'll marry me. You just want a little time first?" Edward asked, a speculative gleam in his eye.

"Yes," I sighed in relief. "That's all."

"You just want us to spend some more time together… like we've been doing?" He grinned wolfishly, and I couldn't help but blush.

"Yes."

"Well, I have a little problem with that, Bella." Edward's smile dropped as he pursed his lips slightly, straightening his silverware on his plate.

"A problem?" I repeated.

"Yes," he replied, folding his napkin and laying it on the table. "You see, I've been acting under the assumption that we had an agreement. Maybe not an official engagement per se, but an _understanding_. And given that understanding, certain actions - although not conventionally acceptable - were _allowable_." His eyes raked over my body… from my lips to my breasts and back up again, slowly… suggestively.

"Uh-huh," was all that I could say.

"However, I now believe that I've acted prematurely," he said in a businesslike voice.

My eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, Bella, that I think it would be best if we don't advance our… physical… relationship until we're engaged."

 _What. The. Fuck_.

I leaned forward in my chair. "Are you saying you won't… kiss me… until we're engaged?"

He leaned forward as well, his face just inches from mine. "Oh, I'll kiss you, all right. I'll kiss you a lot." His voice grew husky and intimate, and I felt his warm breath brushing over my lips. "I'll kiss you and touch you until you're begging for more."

My mouth was dry. He was only talking about kissing me and my mouth was dry.

"And?"

"And," he repeated. "That's it."

"That's it."

"Yes."

It took me a moment to understand what he was getting at. And once I did, I was amazed.

The guy played hard ball. Literally.

"You're going to tease me," I stated.

"Yes."

"You're going to get me all worked up… and leave me that way," I continued.

"Yes."

"And you're going to keep doing this, until I agree to marry you."

Edward smiled in satisfaction. "That's the plan. Yes."

I was impressed. And frustrated. And, if I were to be perfectly honest, pretty turned on.

"You realize," I shot back with amusement, "that this will be as hard on you as it is on me."

Edward smirked. "I can take it."

"You think so?" I challenged. "I think you'll give in long before I will."

He reached out under the table and I felt him run his fingers over my knee. "You sound pretty confident, Miss Swan," he said with a sexy smile, before pulling his hand away.

Oh, he was good. But I had the advantage in this little competition, because I wasn't the one who'd have to hold back. Edward's control was what would be tested. He was the one who'd have to stop. And let's face it, it was a win-win situation for me. If Edward caved, I'd get him… all of him… and be a step closer to fulfilling my plan.

If I gave in, the end result would be the same… I'd just have to get married… at _eighteen_.

My stomach clenched a little at the thought.

I extended my arm under the table, stroking his thigh gently in little circles. He grabbed my wrist to stop me. He schooled his expression, but I noticed the telltale tightening of his jaw.

It was a battle of wills, it appeared. But this time, all the cards were on the table. No secret seduction plans or manipulations. Edward was going to do his best to break me… and I was going to do the same.

I pulled my hand from his with a naughty grin, my eyebrow raised. Leaning forward I ran my finger over his lips and his eyes darkened.

This was going to be fun.

I chuckled. "Bring it on, Edward."


	23. Of Carousels and Cracker Jacks

  


  
_White City_

 

" _ **Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those wh**_ _ **o love, time is eternity."**_

_**\- Henry Van Dyke** _

**Chapter 22 – Of Carousels and Cracker Jacks**

I had to hand it to Edward. He was wearing me down.

I'd never admit it to him, of course, but the boy was driving me crazy.

True to his word, he continued to kiss me… touch me… but always when we were someplace where it couldn't go any further. The day after he took me to dinner to celebrate the clearing of his name, he took me roller skating again. He held my hand and wrapped an arm around my waist, stroking me surreptitiously as I tried to keep my balance.

It seemed I was always off balance around Edward.

Sunday meant church with his family, followed by dinner at his house. We'd sit in the sunroom and whisper to each other, exchanging kisses and soft touches between sessions at the piano, but Edward was the pinnacle of self-control. Lord knows I did my best to break it, but even my desperation couldn't overshadow my fear that his mother could walk in on us at any moment.

Even I wasn't so brazen as to attack Edward with his mom in the next room.

During the week, Edward continued his pattern of coming to the boarding house after school. He'd study in the kitchen and chat with Maggie until I woke up, then we'd sit on the sofa, or on our bench in the back yard and talk… and flirt… and kiss… and tease each other mercilessly.

I had to be honest. I loved every minute of it.

Being with Edward was everything I ever wanted. It was fun and exciting and aggravating and sweet. We'd laugh about stupid things and argue about politics until we were just about screaming at each other. I'd get so mad, but then he'd do something amazing like bring me a flower or show up at the door wearing an "I Support Women's Suffrage" pin, and my heart would melt. He was stubborn and opinionated, but so was I, and I was beginning to see that he respected the fact that I stood up to him.

Well, most of the time anyway.

On the last Saturday in May, Edward told me he had a surprise for me. He gave me no details other than to say we'd be out for the whole day and into the evening… and for me to wear comfortable shoes.

Well, it wasn't like I was running around in stilettos anyway, but I got the idea we'd be doing some walking.

He arrived just after breakfast and I opened the door to find him leaning against the jamb, his hair mussed and a wide smile on his face. Before I could stop it, a dreamy sigh floated from my lips.

"What?" he asked, leaning forward to kiss me lightly.

"Nothing," I replied, admiring his form as he walked past me into the sitting room. He was wearing a light-colored suit, but carried the jacket folded over his arm. His tie was pulled a little askew and – God help me – he was wearing a pair of suspenders. Attached with buttons at his waistband, the brown elastic stretched over his back, crisscrossing before rounding his broad shoulders. I couldn't help fantasizing about grabbing them in both hands and dragging his mouth to mine. _Or maybe using them to tie his wrists to that banister over there_ , I pondered.

"Bella, are you all right?" He had turned around, and I dragged my gaze from his suspenders up to his face.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You look a little flushed," he said, concern creasing his brow. "Are you ill?"

 _No… not ill… a little_ sick _, maybe._

I cleared my throat. "I'm fine… fine…" I turned to pick up my purse. "Are you finally going to tell me what we're doing today?" I asked, pressing my hands to my cheeks in an attempt to cool them while my back was turned.

Edward smirked. "Nope. You'll just have to wait and see."

"You know I hate surprises, right?" I turned back to him with a raised eyebrow.

Edward laughed. "You'll like this one. I promise."

We drove south and my curiosity was piqued, because I'd never been to that part of the city before. I looked out the window for a clue as to where we were headed, but the street signs gave nothing away. I watched Edward out of the corner of my eye, but all I could get out of him was a crooked grin and a wink.

He was so damned cute.

I decided since we were finally alone and in a somewhat private location, it would be a good time to play with Edward a little. I turned in my seat to face him, my knee brushing his. He jerked slightly, but composed himself quickly. I reached out to trail my fingers over the back of his hand as it rested on the gear shift. My eyes flicked up in time to catch Edward swallowing nervously.

"Bella, what are you doing?" he asked, his eyes on the road.

I shrugged, tracing slowing around and between each of his fingers. "Nothing."

He shifted slightly in his seat and I grinned inwardly.

I was getting to him.

I slid across the soft leather until I was pressed up against his side, lifting my hand to trace along his ear.

"Bella…" he said in a warning tone, but I noticed there was a slight tremble in his voice.

"Yes, Edward?"

"I'm trying to drive."

I trailed my fingers down the side of his neck, running them lightly along his collar. "Yes, I can see that. You're doing a wonderful job. Very safe," I murmured, leaning in so he could feel my breath on his skin.

I considered pressing my lips to his throat, but decided it might be kind of dangerous. Instead, I let my hand drift to his leg and I squeezed it gently, stroking down to his knee.

"Bella," Edward said, his jaw tightening. "If you don't stop that, I'm going to pull off the side of the road, kiss you until you can't breathe, and leave you there."

I laughed and scooted back over to my side of the car. "Party pooper," I muttered good-naturedly.

Edward shot me a wry grin. "I have no idea what that means, but I think it's an insult."

I smiled back at him. "It just means you spoil all my fun."

Edward turned his face forward and chuckled. "Well, if you had any more fun, we would have driven right off the road and into that building there."

I shrugged and looked back out the window. Something in the distance caught my eye – a large white tower, looming over the rooftops. Edward turned a corner to drive toward it. I flicked a glance at him and his smile widened. As we drew nearer, I noticed some other things… what looked like a large bridge of some kind to the right… and to the left… was that a…?

"Edward. Is that a… roller coaster?" I asked, peeking between the buildings as we drove down the road.

"Mmm hmm…"

"Are we going to an amusement park?" I turned to him, a little bubble of excitement building inside me. That would be kind of fun.

He turned the full wattage of his smile on me, and I felt my stomach flip-flop. "White City," he said. "I thought you might enjoy it. Have you ever been to an amusement park before?"

My eyes returned to the window, and I felt a little like a kid again. "Once, when I was little I went to Dis—" I stopped myself quickly. "… one with my father." I eyed him warily, hoping he didn't catch my gaff. "But I hardly remember it."

Edward nodded and pulled into a parking area. He took my hand as we walked to the front gate.

"Riverview Park is closer to my house," he told me, "but I think White City has more to offer." He released my hand as he approached the ticket window. I just nodded and peered into the park as Edward paid our entry fee.

  


We walked through the colossal gates, and I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. It was like a scene from that old musical _The Music Man_ come to life. We walked along a boardwalk bordered by tall white buildings, and shadowed by trees. People were smiling and laughing, colorful parasols spinning in the sunshine like a giant prism had splintered the light into a hundred different shades. Edward took my hand again, rubbing his thumb over my wrist.

"You like it." I looked up at him and was surprised at the relief I saw in his eyes.

I smiled, leaning my head on his shoulder briefly. "Of course I like it. I love it. It's wonderful," I told him.

At that moment, a man walked by in a red and white striped jacket and a straw hat. I giggled, thinking about _The Music Man_ again.

 _Trouble! Oh, we got trouble! Right here in River City!_ Or White City, as the case may be.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked. I just shook my head, my shoulders shaking as I tried to stop my silly laughter.

_With a capital "T", That rhymes with "P", And that stands for Pool!_

I pressed a hand to my mouth. It was like all the stress of the past few weeks – Alice… James… Carlisle – all the weird craziness of time traveling to _1918_ , for God's sake… the insanity of the situation just bubbled up and I couldn't stop laughing… or thinking about _The Music Man_.

I half-expected Edward to burst into song.

_We've surely got trouble! Right here in River City!_

I grabbed Edward's arm, leaning on him for support as tears filled my eyes. "I'm sorry… I can't…" I tried to catch my breath and snorted, which only made me more out of control.

"Bella?" Edward's lips twitched, although his eyes were confused. "What on earth are you laughing about?" He took my arm and pulled me off the boardwalk into the space between two buildings, hidden by a large tree.

The boy did love his alleys. The thought made my skin tingle, but I still couldn't stop laughing. Edward was watching me with a concerned look on his face, obviously thinking I'd lost my mind. His hands fluttered to my shoulders, then back down again, as he tried to figure out how to deal with the crazy person before him.

_Gotta figger out a way to keep the young ones moral after school!_

I pictured Edward's parents trying to keep me from luring him into sin, snapping their fingers and chanting quietly: _Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble..._

"Bella! For heaven's sake!" Edward's eyes flew to heaven as I clutched my sides, then a determined look came across his face. He grabbed my shoulders, took a deep breath, and kissed me… hard.

All funny thoughts just flew out of my head. I gasped, pulling Edward's hot breath into my mouth and releasing it on a whimper. My hands flew to his hair of their own volition as the sexual tension of the past few days finally came to a head.

So to speak.

Edward groaned imperceptibly and his hands slid to my waist, pulling me closer. I tugged at his hair and arched closer to him, rubbing against him in the most inappropriate manner.

I couldn't help myself.

We broke apart, chests heaving, and gulping for breath.

"Bella, I love you so much," Edward whispered, nibbling kisses along my lips. "I need you…" His lips trailed down to my neck and I tilted my head, my eyes rolling back.

"God… Edward…" Heat rushed through my body and everything around us faded away. All I could see… feel… smell… _taste_ … was Edward. His lips swept to my ear as his tongue darted out, circling the sensitive flesh. My hands drifted lower, sliding under his jacket and beneath his suspenders before clutching his back desperately, the elastic holding me across the wrists.

"Bella," he murmured into my ear, his breath tickling me… taunting me… driving me insane with need. He sucked lightly on my lobe, then released it with a gentle pop. "I could kiss you forever…" he confessed.

"Don't stop," I begged, pulling him closer and bringing my lips to his throat. I grazed my teeth against his Adam's apple and he thrust against me involuntarily. He cursed in a low growl, then I felt him pull back, his arms relaxing their hold. I gripped him tightly, unwilling to put any distance between us, but he reached for my arms, gently disengaging them from around his body.

"We're in a public place, Bella," he reminded me. I blinked, looking around me in a daze. We were somewhat protected by the tree blocking the alley, but he was right. Anyone could have seen us.

Good Lord, I had no shame.

"Sorry," I muttered, my face flaming. "I guess I just got carried away."

Edward chuckled. "Well, you weren't the only one," he admitted. "I didn't intend to attack you. You just seemed to be a little hysterical and I figured I could either kiss you or slap you."

"I'm kind of glad you chose the former," I said wryly.

Edward smiled, reaching out to touch my heated cheek. "I do love to see you blush, though," he murmured, almost to himself. "It's surprisingly appealing." He smirked at me as I reddened further. "Of course, I could have continued molesting you until someone caught us. Then you'd _have_ to marry me," he joked.

I rolled my eyes, and grabbed his hand to drag him from the alley.

"Come on, Romeo." I laughed. "Let's go ride the roller coaster."

x-x

  


  

 

We did ride the roller coaster… three times, actually. We also rode the carousel, then down a giant slide on padded mats called The Bumps, designed to make you bump into other sliders on the way down. Edward laughed as we collided, nearly rolling over onto my mat. We took an escalator up what I thought was a bridge when we first arrived. It turned out it was Shoot-the-Chutes, a water ride. Climbing into the flat-bottom boat, we faced the tower I'd seen from the road. I looked down to the pool at the bottom of the steep incline, and felt a pang of worry.

_How safe were amusement park rides in 1918 anyway?_

Edward laughed at my uneasiness and held my hand all the way down. We both screamed and got soaking wet. Fortunately, the air was warm and the sun quickly dried our damp clothing.

We toured the Fun House, giggling at our reflections in the warped mirrors and at the children riding on a giant turntable in the middle of the floor. For lunch we bought sandwiches and lemonade and made our way to the garden in the center of the park. A bandstand on one end was surrounded by benches, so we sat and ate, listening to a concert in the open air.

"Are you having fun?" Edward asked, taking a sip of his lemonade.

I smiled widely at him. "Definitely. You sure know how to show a girl a good time, Mr. Masen."

Edward's eyes darkened and his gaze flickered suggestively down and back up again. "You have no idea," he said with a grin.

I blushed. He chuckled. And we finished our lunch.

We listened a little while longer to the music, our fingers entwined and my head resting softly on Edward's shoulder. Eventually, he pressed his lips my hair. "Are you ready to see more?" he inquired quietly. "The Fighting the Flames show is about to begin."

"What's that?" I asked as we stood and walked out of the garden.

Edward hesitated. "You kind of need to see it for yourself," he said.

It was pretty amazing. A show that would have put Universal Studios to shame. They'd created a set the size of a full city block and set a realistic-looking hotel on fire. There were trolleys, cars, fire trucks, horses… plus a couple hundred people acting out the scene. I knew it wasn't real, but I still gripped Edward's hand firmly, holding my breath as people rushed to escape the blaze. When the firefighters finally emerged victorious, I cheered just as loudly as everyone else.

After that we walked through some exhibits. I couldn't describe many of them, because my attention was pretty focused on Edward. There was an actual room filled with baby incubators, holding real, premature babies that I found pretty disturbing.

"This is really weird," I muttered, a little unnerved at the sight.

Edward was looking at a placard posted on the wall. "It says it's to 'show the latest scientific methods of saving the lives of tiny babies,'" he read.

"It seems a little exploitative to me," I stated, moving closer to him so I could grab his hand.

Edward looked into the room with a frown. "I'd have to agree with you," he admitted. "Come on, let's go."

Afternoon merged into evening as we boarded a boat at the gondola ride. We sat in the back - several rows back from the only other riders - and as we moved through the darkness, I felt Edward's warm breath on my cheek, sending chills down my spine. He hovered there for a moment, not touching me, until finally his lips brushed gently across my skin. He pulled away and I turned to him. His features were concealed by the dim light… his eyes impassive. I reached out to touch his face.

"What is it?" I asked quietly.

He didn't answer, just leaned in to kiss me softly. The kiss was chaste, but my breath caught at the intensity behind it.

"I really do love you, Bella," he said firmly.

My heart stopped for a moment at the sincerity in his voice. "I love you, too," I whispered. "Really."

He pulled me close to his side as we rounded a corner and I gasped at the sight of the tower, lit up like a beacon in the darkness.

"It's like you," Edward said quietly, his eyes on the tower as I turned to examine his shadowed profile. "You're my light… a shooting star across my night sky."

I felt tears prick at my eyes. "I think you have that backwards, Edward." He turned to me then and I pressed a hand to his cheek. "You're the light," I swallowed thickly. "You're _everything_ ," I added, willing him to believe me.

He leaned in and kissed me again, his hands tenderly holding my face as his thumbs brushed away my tears.

x-x

I was still smiling when I got to work Monday evening. The day at the amusement park had been fun and romantic… and it left me feeling all warm and girly and in love.

I was so incredibly, undeniably, irrevocably in love.

Edward had dropped me at the boarding house, leaving me with a soft kiss at the door. I didn't even try to push him for more. The day had been so perfect I didn't want to ruin it. The following morning he came to collect me for church and dinner with his family… and our week began its regular routine.

"You seem happy," Carlisle observed, interrupting my distracted thoughts. We had been inventorying supplies, working in companionable silence for the most part. I looked at him, and noticed for the first time that he seemed a little more relaxed than usual. He had a small smile on his face, and his topaz eyes seemed to twinkle slightly.

"I could say the same about you," I replied slowly. "You look like the cat that ate the canary."

He turned away, making a notation on a slip of paper on his desk. "I'm sure I don't have the slightest idea what you mean," he muttered, but I could see the corner of his lips twitch.

"You know, you'd think with all your years of experience, that you'd be better at lying," I teased. He looked up at me in surprise, but I just narrowed my eyes at him. "Come on, Carlisle. Out with it. What have you been up to?"

Carlisle cleared his throat and became absorbed with examining a box of beakers. "I… I made a little trip to Ohio this weekend," he told me.

Holy shit. He'd gone to find Esme. My mouth dropped open. "Carlisle, you didn't!"

"I just wanted to see her," he said defensively. "I wanted to make sure she was all right."

"Did you find her?"

"Yes," he said softly with a faraway look in his eye. "She's older now… a grown woman. Very beautiful, as you said."

"She didn't see _you_ , did she?" I felt panic twist in my gut at the thought.

Carlisle smirked at me. "I'm not stupid, Bella. And I know how to be invisible when I need to be."

I walked over and sat down in front of his desk, taking a deep breath. "I know you're not stupid. But Carlisle, you have to understand… to realize… if you contact her or interact with her in any way, it could ruin the chances of your being together.

"I took a big risk telling you about her in the first place, but I was worried that maybe _I_ had done something to cause a problem. I thought that by being here I might have changed your path in some way, leading you away from Esme. I had to make sure you'd get back on it… because she _is_ your destiny. I know that as much as I know anything."

I leaned forward in my chair, pleading with him. "But you have to be careful, Carlisle. One wrong move and you could destroy everything."

He collapsed back into his chair. "I understand what you're saying, Bella. And I promise, I will be cautious. I will stay hidden. But I need to keep an eye on her, don't I? So I know when it's time?"

I huffed out a breath, rubbing my fingers against my forehead. "I suppose you're right," I admitted, a little overwhelmed. It was like every decision… every action… created a new web of possibilities that had to be considered. Each strand of that web splintered into others… and so on… and so on. It gave me a headache and once again I felt myself longing for Alice's wisdom and counsel.

"So how was she?" I asked finally, curiosity winning out over apprehension.

Carlisle smiled, leaning back in his chair. "She seemed well… happy," he said. "I found her in a little house outside of Columbus." His smile fell slightly. "She's Esme Evenson now. Her husband is overseas though, fighting in the war."

"How did you find that out?" I asked suspiciously. I didn't think he interviewed her neighbors.

Carlisle wouldn't meet my eyes and I was pretty sure if it were possible, he'd be blushing. "I might have gone inside the house when she went to the market," he said nervously, "and read some of her mail."

Great. I'd created a stalker. A two-hundred-year-old vampire stalker.

_Perfect._

I moaned, covering my face with my hands.

"I was very careful," he added quickly. "No one would know I was there."

"I'm sure you were," I muttered under my breath. Then a thought occurred to me. "Was she… could you tell if she was pregnant?"

He shook his head. "No… she isn't," he said, adding with a slight smirk, "…only one heartbeat."

I laughed, rolling my eyes. "Show-off."

He smiled slightly, then I sobered. "That means it's not time yet, Carlisle. When she has the baby, you'll know it's getting close. You'll need to be working at the hospital near her by then."

He nodded, but said nothing.

"I don't know this for sure," I continued, biting my lip, "but I got the feeling that Esme's life isn't very… happy," I said, remembering how Edward described her "accident" as a suicide attempt. "You have to be prepared for the fact that there may be things she's going to have to go through that won't be very pleasant. Are you going to be able to handle that?"

Carlisle scoffed. "Do I have a choice?"

"You always have a choice. That's the problem," I replied. "I know you, Carlisle. It's in your nature to help people. I'm worried that when you see Esme in trouble you're going to want to intervene. It's going to be… difficult for you to stay back. But it's important that you do."

Carlisle's eyes dropped as he swallowed deeply. "I understand what you're saying," he said. "But how will I explain that to _her_? That I let her suffer and just stood back and watched?" He looked back up at me, his eyes pleading with me for answers.

They were answers I wished I had myself, because I had a feeling I'd be dealing with the same problem somewhere down the road. I still wasn't quite sure how I was going to get Edward to leave the city for some nice, quiet, flu-free small town, but I was beginning to realize it would involve telling him at least something about my knowledge of the future. Inevitably, that would come back to bite me in the ass.

Because I couldn't save Edward's parents. And eventually, I think he'd want to know why.

I mean, I could _try_ \- and if push came to shove, I probably would – but really, I knew deep down his parents would never leave Chicago. Why would they? Because their son's crazy girlfriend was convinced they'd die if they stayed?

_Yeah, right._

I also had to look at things realistically. Alice had told me that _Edward_ was the reason I was here. I had to remain focused on that and face the fact that I just couldn't save everyone. It broke my heart knowing I'd be leaving Maggie… and Tom and Samantha… Liza, Jared… even the oh-so-creepy Alistair to face their fates against the epidemic.

Still, with them, I had no _knowledge_ of what would happen. It was possible they would all survive just fine. I just didn't know.

But Edward's parents? Yes. I knew. They would die.

Would Edward hate me for that? Could I blame him?

"I don't know," I finally admitted – half to myself, and half to Carlisle. "Maybe you shouldn't tell her at all? On the other hand, Esme is the kindest person I know… I'm sure she would understand." I sighed heavily. "I'm afraid I don't have any great words of wisdom, Carlisle. I don't know how you'll explain it to her… or to Rosalie and the others, for that matter. I just know things have to unfold the way they're meant to unfold, or you'll never find each other... you'll never make a life, a _family_ together.

"All I can tell you is that in the end it will be worth it. You'll all love each other… protect each other… and be happy together. You just have to remember that… the goal at the end of the pain.

"It will take a lot of strength… and a lot of patience," I added. "But if there's one person I know with an abundance of both – it's you."

Carlisle was silent for a long time, studying his hands as I watched different emotions war across his pale features. Finally, he looked up at me and nodded firmly. "I can do it."

I smiled. "I know you can."

x-x

Edward didn't have school on Thursday because it was Memorial Day. It was strange, but I learned from Maggie that the holiday always fell on the 30th of May. Evidently, it wasn't until some point in the future that it was changed to the last Monday of the month, but exactly when, I had no clue.

At any rate, Edward spent the day with his family, attending a parade, then a ceremony at Lincoln Park. I had to sleep, so I couldn't go with them.

I didn't see Edward on Friday afternoon either. There was a father-son event at some club that Mr. Masen belonged to - the Elks or the Eagles or something… I didn't know for sure. At any rate, it was important to Edward's father, so I could hardly complain.

Even though all I did when Edward and I were apart was miss him.

I felt so sadly pathetic, moping around like a lovesick schoolgirl. It seemed like the more time I spent with Edward – the closer I got to him – the more desperately I felt his absence when he wasn't around.

So much for being an independent woman.

Oprah would be ashamed.

Friday evening, I was in the kitchen, absently stirring a cup of coffee when the phone rang. Maggie had been washing the dinner dishes and turned off the water, wiping her hands on a towel as she went into the other room to answer it.

I didn't even look up. I was too busy re-living the gondola ride at White City and mooning over Edward.

That's right, I was _mooning_.

Like I said, pathetic.

"Bella?" Maggie interrupted my daydreaming.

"Yes?" I answered glumly, looking into my swirling coffee.

Maggie laughed and I looked up in time to see her roll her eyes. "The telephone call is for you," she explained. "Why don't you pick your chin up off the floor and go answer it?"

I frowned as I got up and walked toward the telephone room. "Have I been that bad?" I asked.

Maggie just smiled. "Not _bad_. Just like a girl pining away for her sweetheart."

I grimaced. "Pining? How depressing."

Maggie chuckled as I picked up the phone. "Hello?"

I heard a heavy sigh on the other end of the line. "Bella."

"Edward?" I said, my gloomy mood lifting instantly. "I didn't expect to hear from you. Is everything all right? I thought you were with your father."

"Everything's fine," he replied. "And I am with my father. I just… I wanted to hear your voice, so I snuck away to use the telephone."

"You did?" Maybe I wasn't the only one doing a little mooning. It made me feel a little better.

Edward chuckled. "You wouldn't believe how I've missed you the past couple of days. I think I'm driving my family crazy with my foul temper."

"Foul temper? You?" I joked.

"Very funny," he said dryly. "It's true. I've been impossible to live with," he confessed with exaggerated dismay. "It appears I am quite besotted."

"Besotted?" I giggled. I'd never actually heard anyone _say_ that word. I'd only seen it in old novels. "I have to admit I'm a bit besotted myself," I admitted.

"Are you?" Edward teased. "So, you've missed me as well?"

"Of course I have."

"Well, you know…" Edward's voice was suspiciously casual. "…once we're married, we'll never have to be apart again."

I laughed, tempted more than I cared to admit by the prospect. "Oh, you do not play fair, Mr. Masen."

"I never claimed to," he said with a smile in his voice. "I have to get back, but I wanted to make sure we still have plans for the White Sox game tomorrow afternoon?"

"Yes. I'm looking forward to it." I replied.

Edward said he'd pick me up at one o'clock and told me he loved me before hanging up.

I never got tired of hearing that. The "he loved me" part, not the "one o'clock" part.

I walked out into the kitchen with a huge smile on my face.

"What a difference a few minutes on the telephone can make," Maggie joked, pouring herself a cup of coffee and sitting down at the kitchen table.

"He missed me," I told her, my face flushing. I sat down at the table and took a sip from my cup. "He said he's besotted." I grinned.

Maggie laughed. "Well, I think that's fairly obvious."

I took another sip of coffee, eyeing Maggie carefully. "Edward wants to marry me."

Her eyes narrowed over the top of her cup. "That's not what you want?"

I set my coffee down, sighing heavily. "It's not that I don't _want_ to marry him, exactly. It's just that it seems so fast. We're both so young."

"Too young to know your feelings?" she asked.

"Well, no…"

"So, you're too young to commit to him for life," Maggie stated.

"That's not it…" I stammered. "I thought you of all people would understand," I added.

"Why? Because I fell in love and got my heart broken?" Maggie asked. I winced at her tone. "Just because marriage hasn't been kind to me doesn't mean I don't believe in the institution.

"It's a crazy world we live in, Bella," she said, her voice softening along with her eyes. "There's a war on. People are dying and none of us knows what tomorrow holds."

I grimaced inwardly at that, but remained silent as Maggie continued.

"Love is a strange and wondrous thing," she said. "It can make you lose your mind, or give you strength to move mountains. People go their whole lives searching for it, and you're telling me you have it right now, flat in the palm of your hand.

"Now answer me this," Maggie stood abruptly and took her cup to the sink, rinsing it before turning back to me. "Are you going to risk dropping it? Let the wind up and blow it away like so much sparkling dust? Or are you going to grab hold of it and never let it go?" She didn't wait for me to answer. Instead, she just walked out of the kitchen, patting me gently on the shoulder on her way.

x-x

The sun shone bright, but the humidity was near-stifling when Edward picked me up Saturday afternoon. I wore my lightest blouse, but it was still sticking to my skin by the time I got in the car.

"Feels like a thunderstorm's on the way," he commented as we pulled away. "I hope it holds off until the game's over."

I didn't say anything, just used my purse as a makeshift fan - not that swirling the heavy air around seemed to make much difference. Of course, the one good thing about the weather was what it did to Edward. I couldn't help staring at him as he drove down the road, his hair damp with perspiration, and a few trickles winding their way down his neck and under his collar. I felt a wave of powerful and uncontrollable lust sweep through me.

"What are you looking at?" he asked, flashing a glance my way.

"Hmm?" I asked dreamily, dragging my eyes up to his face. "Oh, nothing. I was just thinking you look a little uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable?" he repeated, his eyes on the road.

"Mmmm… yes," I said. "Wearing that suit in this weather… you have be so… hot," I said breathlessly. Before even consciously realizing I'd done it, I reached out to touch his neck, catching a small drop of perspiration on my finger. He shivered slightly and I felt the trembling echo in my core.

He cleared his throat, but his voice was still raspy. "It's light material. Besides, it's what's appropriate to wear in public," he added.

I ran my finger along his collar lightly. "Well, we wouldn't want to be inappropriate, would we?" I asked, huskily.

Edward grabbed my hand and before I knew what he was doing, he licked my index finger, sucking the tip slightly between his fingers. I gasped, the humidity nothing compared to the heat that now emanated from inside of me.

"Edward," I whimpered, "…please."

He didn't pretend not to understand what I was asking. Instead, he placed my hand back in my own lap gently and said, "Soon, Bella. Just as soon as you say you'll marry me."

 _Shit_.

"Besides," he added with a mischievous grin as the car pulled to a stop. "We're here."

I blinked dazed eyes and finally registered that we were in a gravel parking lot. Edward got out of the car and opened my door. I grabbed my hat as a wave of hot wind threatened to rip it from my head. He took my hand and led me around a corner where we joined a long line of fans leading to a huge concrete stadium bearing the name Comiskey Park.

Once we made our way inside the gates, I took a moment to admire the relatively new ballpark. Edward told me the White Sox owner, Charles Comiskey, had it built in 1910 to replace the old park, which had apparently become obsolete.

I wasn't exactly sure how a ballpark became obsolete, but whatever.

  
  

 

The stadium had a covered, double-decked grandstand that curved around home plate and down the foul lines about thirty feet. Beyond that, the lower level continued along the foul lines, and wooden bleachers surrounded the outfield, flanking the scoreboard at center field. Edward and I took our seats on the lower level along the left field line. I was grateful for the roof protecting us from the beating sun, but the crush of bodies around us did nothing to help with the uncomfortable thickness in the air.

I wasn't a huge baseball fan, but my dad did love to watch the Mariners play, so I'd picked up a few things along the way. And it did trigger a bit of déjà vu being around Edward and baseball, as I remembered him chasing home runs in the field near Forks. The memory was little weird… but not unpleasant – as long as I didn't focus on how the game ended.

When the White Sox took the field, we cheered and clapped, then Edward frowned.

"Joe Jackson's not playing. That's too bad." he said, peering down at the field, squinting in the sun. "Looks like they've got Collins in left field… Felsch in center… and… um… Murphy in right."

Something Edward said triggered a memory. "Wait… Joe Jackson? Do you mean _Shoeless_ Joe Jackson?"

Edward laughed. "Is there another?" he asked.

I was a little rusty on my baseball history, but I'd seen _Field of Dreams_ a million times. I remembered that when Kevin Costner built a baseball diamond in the middle of his corn field, everyone thought he was crazy.

Until Shoeless Joe Jackson and a bunch of other dead baseball players showed up to play.

I also remembered that Jackson was involved in a huge scandal, where he and several other White Sox players were accused of taking bribes to throw the World Series. They became known as the Black Sox and were banned from baseball, although many Jackson fans still maintained his innocence.

I guessed that hadn't happened yet.

Edward was still talking about Shoeless Joe, "…and he holds the team record for triples – 21 in 1916," he said enthusiastically. "There's this new guy playing for Boston – Ruth is his name. Supposed to be quite a slugger… he's already on track to lead the American league for home runs this year. He says he modeled his hitting style after Shoeless Joe… says he's the best natural hitter he's ever seen."

Edward was so excited, I felt a little bad that his hero was soon to be mired down in rumor and scandal. So instead, I tried to push that aside and smiled at him widely. "Too bad he's not playing today. I'd like to see him hit."

Edward nodded. "Well, another time," he said, reaching out to squeeze my hand. "There's plenty of time to see that."

It was a bittersweet moment, but I let it pass.

It was a fun afternoon, full of cheering and booing and laughter. Edward caught a foul ball in the fourth inning, and my heart swelled at the broad smile on his face. So many times Edward seemed older than he really was – a product of the times and the environment, I guessed. A world at war made kids grow up quickly, and it was true that many of the young people I met were more mature than those I left behind at Forks High. And when a guy kept asking you to marry him, you sometimes forgot he was not quite seventeen.

But it was moments like that – when Edward held the baseball aloft, yelling in excitement - that he became the boy I rarely saw. He scooped an arm around my waist, picking me up and bouncing me slightly, and I couldn't help but laugh. He set me down and handed me the ball with a flourish. I protested, but he insisted, taking my hand and wrapping it around the ball before kissing my knuckles lightly.

We ate hot dogs and drank Coke until we were bursting. When Edward handed me a box of Cracker Jacks, I held up a hand, telling him I couldn't eat another bite. He looked surprisingly disappointed, but put the box in his coat pocket, telling me he'd save it for later.

"I don't understand why you're a White Sox fan," I asked him as we stood during the seventh-inning stretch. "I thought people from the north side of the city traditionally rooted for the Cubs." As we watched the Mariners, Charlie had filled me in on some of the team rivalries during beer commercials and time outs. I had smiled and nodded, but apparently some of it had actually seeped in.

Edward grinned. "Well, that's true, but my father grew up on the South Side. Comiskey brought the team to Chicago in 1900 - they were called the White Stockings then - my dad was a fan from the first game. We lived just a few blocks from South Side Park, and didn't move to Lincoln Park until I was four. We were all at the first game at Comiskey," he told me.

The White Sox were getting trounced, down five to one by the end of the seventh inning. They scored two runs in the eighth and things started to get exciting. Chicago was down five to three, with the bases loaded. The first baseman, who Edward told me was named Chick Gandil came up to the plate. He hit a long line drive and for a second, the White Sox fans held their breath.

Unfortunately, the Yankees' third baseman (who ironically was nick-named 'Home Run Baker'), caught the ball and a triple-play effectively ended the game. The Yankees scored one more run in the ninth, but it was already all over.

After the game, Edward invited me to his house for a little while, since it was still early in the evening. The threatened thunderstorms never materialized, and the sun was bright and warm. A cool breeze broke up the humidity, so we decided to sit on the porch swing. Edward seemed a little disconcerted that his parents hadn't returned.

"They told me they'd be gone for the day, but that they would be home after an early dinner," he explained as he carried a couple of glasses of iced tea out onto the porch. "I thought they would be here."

"Afraid to be alone with me?" I teased, taking the glass he offered.

He smirked. "Well, you do appear to be rather single-minded as of late," he retorted. "It is difficult for one to protect one's virtue."

I laughed and took a sip of the cold, sweet tea. "You could give up," I offered.

He set his tea down on the floor next to the swing before pulling me close to his side. "Not on your life," he murmured, his breath cool from the tea and wafting over my ear. "Marry me, Bella." I flushed immediately, his proximity affecting me as it always did… making me into a horny pile of goo.

I looked toward the street. The swing was slightly hidden by the tree in the front yard, as well as the porch railing. I reached out to rub my hand on Edward's thigh. He tensed, and I tilted my head toward him, still feeling his lips near my ear. "Edward…" I pleaded, aching for him to touch me.

He pulled back with a light kiss. "You forgot to eat your Cracker Jacks," he said suddenly, reaching into his pocket for the box.

"What?" I asked, still aroused and a little befuddled.

"Your Cracker Jacks," he repeated, handing the box to me.

I blinked at the box for a moment, then held it toward him. "I'm not really hungry."

Edward took a deep breath and rolled his eyes. "Well, you should at least see what prize you got."

I knew enough about Cracker Jacks to know the prizes were usually pretty lame. I mean in my time it was usually a temporary tattoo… in 1918 I was sure it wasn't much better.

"You can have it," I said, offering him the box once more.

Edward huffed. "Bella, would you quit being so stubborn and look inside the box?" he asked grumpily.

"Okay… okay…" I replied soothingly. "I'll look… Sheesh!"

I tipped the box and poured some of the sticky popcorn and peanuts into my hand. Peering into the box, I tilted it until I made out a shape toward the bottom.

"I think I see it," I mumbled, barely noticing that Edward had taken the candy from my hand and tossed it over the porch railing. I reached in and felt soft fabric between my fingers. I pulled it out and saw that it was a small, blue velvet bag. I tested the weight in my hand and heard a soft jingle.

My suspicious glance at Edward was met with an innocent look. "Open it," he suggested.

I set down the Cracker Jack box and pulled open the drawstring at the top of the bag. Grabbing the bottom, I gently emptied it into my hand.

It was a necklace. A beautiful silver necklace with gold beads evenly spaced along the delicate chain. I lifted it to examine a golden watch pendant dangling from the chain, the clock face surrounded by intricate filigree.

"Edward," I breathed. "It's beautiful."

I glanced at him then to find him studying me with a tender smile on his face. He reached for the pendant and flipped a small clasp. "It's a locket, as well as a watch," he explained. "So you can put something… special inside and keep it always close to your heart." His ears pinkened in that adorable way, and I knew he was hoping I'd ask for a picture of him to put inside.

I knew something better, though.

"Do you think… Could you give me something to keep in it?" I asked.

He smiled broadly. "What do you want?"

I reached out to run my fingers through his soft hair. "I'd like a lock of your hair," I told him.

Edward reached for my hand, pulling it from his head and kissing my fingers. "I'll be right back," he said.

He went inside the house and emerged a moment later with a pair of scissors. He handed them to me and leaned forward, waiting.

I looked over his head, trying to decide where to cut. I didn't want to leave him with a bald spot. It seemed almost sacrilegious to cut his hair.

"Just cut it, Bella," he said with amusement. "It's just hair."

I laughed, and snipped a little off just behind his left ear. I then clipped a little yellow ribbon off the trim of my blouse and tied it in a knot around the lock, before placing it inside the locket. Edward reached out to take the locket, unhooking the clasp and telling me to turn around before attaching it around my neck.

I turned back around, cradling the pendant in my hand before smiling at him brightly. "Thank you, Edward," I said. "I love it."

He shrugged. "I love you," he said simply. He leaned in to kiss me softly before pulling me close to him again. "Marry me."

I melted into him, unable to resist his touch… his voice.

"I want to be with you, always," he murmured, leaning down to kiss my neck lightly. "I'm tired of saying good night when the sun goes down. I want to go to sleep with you," he whispered, his mouth ghosting over my skin. "I want to wake up with you every morning. I want to…" He paused for a second, as if trying to work up the courage to say something. "I want to make love to you every night."

I gasped, my skin heating. "Only every night?" I managed with a choked laugh.

Edward chuckled, nibbling on the delicate skin behind my ear. "Night… morning… middle of the day… we can stay in bed forever, if you like."

 _Oh, I like. I_ really _like._

"Edward…" Why was I fighting this? I loved him. He loved me.

"I want to marry you," he continued kissing my neck as his fingers reached out to trail up my leg. "I want to stand up in front of the world and tell them you're mine… that we belong to each other."

"Edward…" Would I hold on to him… hold on to _love_ , as Maggie suggested, or hold back, because of fear? Some ridiculous fear that had nothing to do with either one of us.

_What was I doing?_

He licked my earlobe, then bit it gently. "I want us to have children and live and fight and laugh together. I want to grow old with you and spoil our grandchildren and kiss you inappropriately whenever I want to."

Yes. Yes. _Yes._

"Okay," I whispered.

Edward froze. "What did you say?" He pulled back, his eyes searching my face.

"I said, 'Okay.'"

Edward licked his lips, a smile teasing at the corner of his mouth. "Okay, what?"

I leaned forward and kissed him once on the lips before grinning at him widely. "Okay. You win. Let's get married."

  


  
_Bella's Locket_


	24. Of Rings and Revelations

  


" **Destiny is not a matter of chance, but of choice. Not something to wish for, but to attain."**

**\- William Jennings Bryan**

**Chapter 23 – Of Rings and Revelations**

"I win?" he repeated, a frown creasing his brow. "I win?"

"Well, technically, I guess we both win," I said with a smile.

Edward sat back on the porch swing, putting a little distance between us. "This isn't a game, Bella. I know we were kind of playing like it is, but it isn't." He wouldn't look me in the eye, and I thought I detected a trace of hurt in his voice.

"Edward," I began, reaching out for his hand. He let me take it, but didn't return the pressure when I squeezed it gently.

"If you don't want to marry me, just say so," he said dejectedly. "I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do."

"Edward, it's not that-" Before I could get another word out, Edward was kissing me, his hands in my hair. My hat fell to the porch floor as he tilted my head, his tongue thrusting into my mouth. Moans and whimpers filled the air, but I couldn't distinguish between mine and his. Twilight had fallen, so we were hidden in the shadows from passers-by on the street. Although the humidity in the air had lessened, it once again grew thick around us… heat and passion clinging to us like steam.

Edward broke the kiss, breathing heavily. "We don't have to get married," he said in a choked voice. "I'll do what you want." He wrapped a hand around my waist, pulling me flush against him and lowering his head once again. "I just want to be with you," he murmured before devouring me in another hot kiss.

Edward was pouring all of himself into that kiss… every last bit of lust and passion flowed through his lips and into mine. It was heady… dizzying… incredibly overwhelming. He didn't hold back, and it was all I could do not to climb on top of him and rip his shirt from his shoulders.

In fact, I was halfway there when rational thought reared its ugly head.

This was wrong.

I pushed at him. "Edward, wait…" He leaned in again, cutting off my words with his lips and tongue.

"It's all right," he murmured, sucking along my mouth and nipping at my lips. "I want this too…"

"No, Edward… wait." I shoved him harder and he pulled back, his eyes closed and his forehead resting on mine. "We can't do this."

Edward pulled away and slumped in his seat, not meeting my eyes. "I thought this was what you wanted," he muttered.

I sighed, rubbing my hands over my face. "Edward, I don't think I explained myself well to you," I told him. "My feelings about marriage… they have nothing to do with you. Believe me, I love you. I want to be with you always," I said pleadingly.

His eyes finally met mine, sad and uncertain. "Then what is it?"

I leaned over, resting my head on his shoulder, needing his strength… needing him close to me. I reached out for his hand, and this time he responded by lacing our fingers together.

"My parents married young," I explained. "My mother was… with child."

Edward was silent, but I knew he was listening.

"They grew to resent each other," I murmured quietly. "My mother blamed my father for taking her away to a small town. She felt stifled. My father couldn't understand her. They grew apart. They were unhappy. And I was caught in the middle."

I felt Edward's lips on the top of my head. "I'm so sorry," he murmured into my hair.

I nodded against his shoulder. "The idea of marriage has been so… so negative in my mind for such a long time. I just never entertained the thought of getting married so young. I didn't want to end up like my mother… resentful and bitter. Or worse yet, like my father… lonely and abandoned."

Edward leaned down and whispered against my temple. "It won't be like that for us. I would never let that happen."

I sat up, turning to face him. "I know that. I really do," I said sincerely. "And I do want to marry you, Edward. I know we can be happy together."

He smiled then, leaning in to kiss me softly. "Wait… wait…" he said, flustered, patting his jacket before reaching into his inside pocket. "I want to do this properly." He grinned, pulling out a small, black box. He stood and moved in front of me, dropping gracefully to one knee and lifting the lid of the box.

I gasped at the ring inside, nestled in black velvet. "How long have you been carrying this around?" I asked.

Edward shrugged. "A while."

"You're mighty sure of yourself, Mr. Masen," I teased gently.

Edward's green eyes darkened, piercing into mine. "I'm sure of us," he said firmly. And I knew he meant it. He had absolutely no doubts.

Right then, neither did I.

Edward took a deep breath, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment, before opening to focus once more on me. "Some people search their whole lives to find the one that's meant for them," he began in a low voice. "I never expected to have her walk into my front yard and call me by name."

I smiled a little at the memory and Edward's lips lifted in response.

"Since that moment, I've grown to love you, Bella. I love you more each day, and I will continue to love you as long as there's breath in my body," he said earnestly and I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes.

"It would make me the happiest man in the world if you would consent to become my wife," he said, pulling the ring from the box and holding it gently between his thumb and forefinger. "I promise I will do whatever is in my power to make you happy.

"Isabella Swan, will you marry me?"

My hand flew to my mouth, stifling a sob as the tears trickled down my cheeks. I had no smart comments, no witty banter… all I could say was what was in my heart.

"Yes," I whispered.

Edward's face positively beamed as he smiled. He slid the ring on my finger, then threw his head back and laughed for a moment before leaning in to kiss me.

"Thank you," he said.

I felt a moment of panic and needed reassurance. "Promise you'll never leave me," I begged, my hands cupping his face.

Edward kissed me again softly. "Bella, where would I go?"

He licked his lips before leaning in to press his lips to mine, pulling back slightly before deepening the kiss. My hands drifted to his shoulders and entwined in his hair, but he pushed me back gently.

"Edward?" I murmured, confused.

"My parents are home," he whispered.

I looked up to see them getting out of their car at the end of the front walk. "Oh… oh… okay," I said, flushing, as Edward moved to sit on the other side of the porch swing. I plopped my hat on my head before picking up my iced tea and taking a sip, brushing the tears from my cheeks.

Edward chuckled. "It's all right, Bella. We weren't doing anything wrong."

"I know that," I retorted. "It doesn't mean I want to be caught doing it by your parents."

He reached out to stroke a finger down my cheek. "I think we should wait to tell them about our engagement."

I choked a little on my tea at the word, but recovered quickly. Edward smirked, but pretended not to notice.

"Okay," I agreed. "Whatever you think."

Edward's mother stepped up onto the porch, her husband a few steps behind her. "Hello, dear," she said to Edward, leaning down so he could kiss her cheek. "Good evening, Bella. It's lovely to see you again."

"Hello, Mrs. Masen… Mr. Masen," I replied, covering my ring with my right hand. "It's nice to see you, too." Edward's father nodded in greeting.

"How was the game?" he asked.

Edward frowned. "Sox lost it with a triple play in the eighth," he said.

Mr. Masen cursed under his breath, then apologized quickly at his wife's reprimanding glance. "Well, they'll get 'em next time," he told Edward with a determined nod before going inside.

Mrs. Masen moved to follow him, but then turned back to Edward with a pointed look. "Don't stay out here too late," she cautioned.

"We're just going to finish our tea," Edward replied, raising his glass. "Then I'll drive Bella home."

Mrs. Masen nodded approvingly and said goodnight before leaving us on the porch. I gazed down at my engagement ring, a small smile on my face.

"It was my grandmother's," Edward told me. "She gave it to me before she died. She said I'd know I'd found the right one to give it to, when I couldn't imagine it on anyone else's finger."

I ran my finger over the round diamond, set in a hexagon of white and yellow gold with a slightly textured pattern. The band was narrow, hammered white gold, with swirls of yellow gold filigree angling up on four sides to surround the center setting.

"Do you really like it?" he asked quietly, his eyes on the ring.

I waited until he looked up at me to answer. "I love it, Edward. It's perfect."

He smiled, then lifted my hand to kiss the ring where it sat on my finger.

"How are your parents going to take this?" I asked skeptically, wondering for the first time if Edward had really thought this whole engagement thing through.

"They'll be fine," he said confidently, before shooting me a sideways glance. "I hope."

"Great," I muttered, finishing my tea and crunching on a piece of ice. "Your mother's going to kill me."

Edward laughed and shook his head, lifting his arm over my shoulders before pushing the porch swing with his foot. "My mother loves you," he insisted. "It's me she's going to kill."

I gaped at him, but caught his teasing look and burst out laughing.

I really hoped it was a joke.

x-x

We decided it would be best to wait until Edward's seventeenth birthday to tell anyone about our engagement. So I wore Edward's ring on a chain around my neck inside my clothes, and the watch locket outside.

I worried about how Edward's parents would respond to the news, but Edward assured me everything would turn out all right. I had no choice but to trust him. I knew in my time if a seventeen-year-old boy told his parents he was marrying his eighteen-year-old girlfriend, there would be hell to pay… or at least some sideways glances.

But given Maggie's response and Edward's confidence, it seemed it wasn't all that unusual in this time and place. I guessed I just had to go with the flow and relax a little.

"Nice necklace," Carlisle observed Monday night as I followed him on rounds through the hospital, checking on the few patients who were staying overnight.

My hand flew to the locket and I fingered it delicately. "Edward gave it to me," I said, eyeing him warily. Things had returned to somewhat normal with Carlisle since our big talk about the future, but I still wasn't sure if he carried a torch for me.

He smiled, though, and I saw no hidden malice or hurt behind it. "That was very nice of him," he said. "I'm glad to see he's treating you well."

"Really?" I couldn't help the doubt that colored my tone. At Carlisle's surprised glance, I added, "It's just that you've never made a secret of the fact you aren't too fond of Edward."

Carlisle shrugged. "I've come to understand that the boy has some good qualities," he said. "And he seems to be quite devoted to you."

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. Something wasn't quite adding up. "And how did you come to that understanding?" I asked.

Carlisle took that moment to approach a patient lying in the ward with his leg and arm in a cast. "Mr. Ahearn, how are you feeling tonight?" he asked, using his stethoscope to listen to his heart and checking his pulse. "Is the pain manageable?"

Mr. Ahearn just nodded. "Not too bad, Doc. I'm making do," he said.

Carlisle frowned. "No need to suffer any more than necessary," he said, taking a syringe from a small cupboard and injecting it into the I.V. "You'll be feeling better soon." Carlisle patted his arm. "Try and get some sleep."

He turned to walk out of the ward, and I followed him up the stairs.

"Carlisle, you didn't answer my question," I pressed.

"What question?"

That's when I knew he was lying. I knew that vampires had perfect recall. Carlisle remembered exactly what question I asked. He just didn't want to answer it.

I stopped at the top of the stairs, crossing my arms across my chest. Carlisle's shoulders slumped, but he finally turned to face me. "I just did a little checking up on him," he admitted. "I wanted to make sure he was… deserving of your trust."

"You mean you spied on him," I stated flatly.

"Well, that's a little harsh," he replied, turning to walk into his office. I followed in a huff.

"I can't believe you!" I hissed. "How long have you been following him?"

Carlisle sat down behind his desk, flipping through a file. "A while."

_A while. He and Edward are more alike than either one would care to admit._

"How long 'a while?'"

Carlisle's sheepish shrug gave him away before his answer. "Since I first met him… after I heard you arguing outside the hospital."

I gaped. "Months? You've been spying on him for months?"

"Well, not exactly," he corrected me. "I stopped a couple of weeks ago."

"Oh, that's just great!" I exclaimed sarcastically. "First Esme, and now Edward. When did you become such a voyeur?"

Carlisle's eyes flashed. "I think that was uncalled for," he said firmly, and for the first time, I caught a glimpse of the dangerous predator under the skin of the kind family doctor.

"I won't apologize for looking out for you, Bella," he continued. "When I first met Edward, he was yelling at you in the middle of the street. I didn't know him. He seemed aggressive, and I didn't know if he would hurt you. I had to make sure you would be safe.

"Above everything, you are my friend." His voice softened slightly. "I don't have a lot of those. Not true friends who know… really _know_ me.

"I take care of my friends," he stated emphatically, almost daring me to challenge him.

I didn't. I couldn't. I understood and actually appreciated the gesture.

"I'm sorry," I said finally. "I know your heart was in the right place. But I hope you now realize that you can trust Edward. I do."

Carlisle nodded. "He's a good bo—" At my arch look, he cleared his throat. "…young _man_." He chuckled. "I'm sure you'll have a wonderful life together."

I smiled at Carlisle's admission. There was no jealousy there… the sentiment was genuine.

_Wait a second…_

"What did you mean by that?" I asked slowly.

Carlisle stood and made his way to the lab table. "Mean by what?" He started moving things around the table and I knew he was stalling.

"That we'll have a wonderful life together." My stomach clenched as awareness hit me. "You know, don't you? You were there on Saturday."

Carlisle swallowed a chuckle. "So he finally asked properly, did he?"

"Carlisle!" I exclaimed in exasperation.

He held up his hands. "I wasn't there. I swear." He laughed. "But the boy's been carrying around a ring for more than a month. I knew he was planning to propose. I just didn't know when he'd get up the nerve."

I collapsed back in my seat and shook my head. "You're incorrigible."

Carlisle just shrugged and laughed.

"So?" he asked.

"So, what?"

"So, what was your answer? I noticed you're not wearing the ring." He glanced at my hand pointedly.

I pulled the chain from under my blouse. "We decided not to say anything until Edward's birthday," I explained.

He nodded. "Ah, yes… perhaps that would be best."

I bit my lip. "Will you… come? To the wedding?" I asked tentatively. "I'd really like it if you could be there."

Carlisle smiled genuinely. "Of course. I wouldn't miss it. Have you set the date?"

I tucked the ring back under my clothes. "Not yet, but it will have to be soon." At Carlisle's arched brow, I knew he was wondering if I was knocked up. Why else would a girl need to get married quickly?

"No… not because of _that_ ," I said, flushing with embarrassment. "I just… need to get Edward out of the city before the summer's over," I explained. "I want him out of here before the epidemic hits."

"You think you can outrun it?" Carlisle asked. "From what you've told me there's really nowhere to run."

"Well, I was kind of hoping you could help me with that," I admitted. "I need to find a place to go, but I'm not that familiar with the area."

Carlisle circled his desk and sat down. "What are you thinking?"

I sighed, rubbing my temples. "I need a small town… the smaller, the better. But with a school, so Edward can finish high school… and a place where he can get a job with minimal exposure," I explained.

Carlisle absorbed this for a moment. "You think you can isolate yourselves."

I nodded. "Yes, but not just from the virus." The next part was tricky. "We need to be… out of contact as well."

"You want to keep him in the dark," Carlisle stated, insightful as always.

"Yes."

"Do you really think that will work?" he asked, not with skepticism, but curiosity.

I sighed. "It's his only chance," I murmured.

"His?" he repeated. "What about you?"

The truth was, I wasn't really worried about me. Charlie was adamant that I get a flu shot every year, and the previous fall, I'd not only gotten one, but two.

I was pretty sure my H1N1 vaccine could kick the 1918 Spanish Influenza's ass.

"I'll be fine," I said, and I knew Carlisle would trust me on that one. "It's Edward I'm worried about."

Carlisle's eyes narrowed as he studied me, and for a moment I wondered if he saw right through me… if he knew I was cheating fate and stealing a member of his family to selfishly keep him for myself.

"You're trying to change things," he stated quietly.

I nodded.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" he asked, not with judgment, but concern.

"I have to."

Carlisle pulled a piece of paper and a pen from his desk drawer. "All right then," he said. "I'll make a list."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," he said, covering the page with his elegant script. "I'm still not sure this will work."

I watched Carlisle write for a moment, then asked, "Have you seen her again?"

A smile lifted the corners of his lips. "Yes."

I knew he couldn't stay away from Esme. He was falling in love with her already.

"Please be careful, Carlisle," I warned.

"I will," he said, looking up at me finally. "And I'd ask that you do the same."

x-x

Samantha graduated on Thursday, the sixth of June. A summer storm dumped rain on the city in the morning, but by noon, the sun broke through the clouds, making drops glisten on the grass and the flowers look like so many sparkling diamonds. The thought made me smile, as my fingers lifted to touch my engagement ring through my blouse.

Edward picked me up to take me to the ceremony, which was being held outside in the stadium where I'd first seen his track meet. We took our seats in a row with his parents and Samantha's. Tom sat next to Samantha's father and the two chatted quietly. I wondered if Tom had already asked for Samantha's hand.

That was what they did back then… I mean _now_ , right? Some might call it old-fashioned, but I had to admit I thought it was kind of romantic.

Edward didn't hold my hand, since I was sitting next to his mother, but I could feel the heat radiating off his body from where he sat mere inches from me. His proximity did strange things to me, the familiar electricity tingling along my skin as it always did. I tried to breathe steadily and fight the urge to grab him, entangle my fingers in his hair, and climb up his tall, firm body.

"I know what you're thinking," Edward whispered in my ear.

"I really hope not," I whispered back with a teasing smile.

Edward just chuckled and we faced forward as the band started playing _Pomp and Circumstance_.

We cheered as Samantha walked onto the stage to accept her diploma. She smiled at us, and lifted her hand slightly in a wave. I shot a glance at Tom and saw that the pride on his face mirrored that on the faces of her parents. After the ceremony, we made our way down to the field to hug and congratulate the graduate. Samantha glowed, holding her diploma in one hand, her cap in the other.

"Bella, I'm so glad you made it," she said, wrapping me in a tight hug.

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world," I told her. "Congratulations."

She smiled, linking arms with me as we followed the rest of our group out of the stadium. "You're coming to the house, right? For the party?" Samantha's parents were hosting a small graduation party in their back yard. I nodded, and Samantha squeezed my arm.

"I almost forgot to tell you!" she exclaimed. "I was finally officially accepted to nursing school."

"That's fantastic," I said enthusiastically. "So you'll start in the fall?"

The fall. _Crap._

Samantha nodded and I tried to hide the unease I felt. "Well, be careful," I began. "You don't want to catch anything. Be sure to wash your hands a lot."

Samantha gave me an odd look. "All right," she said slowly.

I rolled my eyes. "You'll be working with sick people, right?" I asked, trying not to sound too crazy. "It can't hurt to protect yourself. Wear a mask to keep away the germs… that kind of thing."

"I didn't know you were so worried about hygiene," Samantha said with a curious look.

"You can't be too careful," I said simply, hoping she would be just that.

We arrived at Samantha's house and made our way to the back yard. A memory flashed of Edward chasing me around the house, when I stole the gold ribbon he won for the sack race.

Or rather, the gold ribbon he cheated me out of.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, taking in my smile.

"I was remembering Samantha's birthday party," I said, "and how you owe me a rematch in the sack race."

Edward chuckled. "Oh, I think I won that ribbon fair and square."

"You distracted me, by asking me out to dinner," I replied irritably.

He laughed. "I can't help it if you are easily distracted," he teased.

"Whatever," I mumbled.

"Whatever?" he repeated. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I frowned. "It means… whatever." I shrugged. "You know what you did."

Edward grabbed my hand, pulling me back into the shadows along the side of the house before we emerged in the back yard. "If you really want the ribbon, you can have it," he said quietly, leaning down to kiss my cheek.

I fought the smile tugging at my lips. "I don't want you to give it to me. I want to earn it," I grumbled.

"Oh, really?" Edward murmured, his lips trailing to my ear. "I can think of a few ways you can earn it."

My blood heated as his tongue flicked out, tracing the shell of my ear. "Edward…" I whimpered, unable to think clearly.

He pulled back with a grin. "See? So easily distracted." He shook his head with mock pity, then dodged back quickly when I reached out to smack his shoulder.

I couldn't keep from laughing at him when he was in such a playful mood. We found a seat at a small table in the corner of the yard and sipped cold lemonade and ate some delicious white cake with lemon filling. He held my hand under the table as we watched couples on the makeshift dance floor and whispered sweet and romantic things into my ear whenever he felt the urge.

A couple of hours after we arrived, Samantha and Tom disappeared for a few minutes, and when they walked back out of the house, both of them were beaming. I saw them approach her parents, and speak to them briefly before wide smiles broke out on their faces as well. Samantha was enveloped in hugs, and her father shook Tom's hand, surreptitiously brushing a tear from his eye. They made their way to the bandstand, where Mr. Swenson leaned down to say something to the bandleader.

When the music stopped, he held up a hand. "Ladies and gentlemen," he said. "My wife and I would like to thank you for coming today to celebrate the graduation of our beautiful daughter, Samantha." Polite applause broke out and he nodded with a smile on his face. "Samantha will be attending the Illinois Training School for Nurses in the fall, and her mother and I couldn't be more proud." His voice caught with another round of applause.

"If you know Samantha, you also know Tom Jacobsen," he continued, clearing his throat. "Tom would like to say a few words."

Tom stepped up onto the stage and swallowed nervously. He motioned for Samantha to follow him and took her hand as she stood next to him. I felt Edward squeeze mine under the table.

"Samantha and I have an announcement to make," Tom began, looking down at her adoringly. I didn't think it was possible, but Samantha's smile widened. "I am happy – thrilled – to say that I just asked Samantha to marry me… and she accepted!"

Everyone jumped to their feet, clapping and whistling as Tom swept Samantha up in a hug. We all moved toward the happy couple to congratulate them, and the party took on an even more festive air. Edward and I returned to our seats as they moved to the dance floor. They swayed together, gazing into each other's eyes, and I noticed Edward watching them with a wistful smile on his face.

I thought I knew what he was thinking about, but I asked him anyway.

Edward's warm eyes focused on me. "I was just imagining when that will be us," he said quietly. "Just a few weeks and we can let everyone know."

I was right. I squirmed a little in my seat.

"What is it?" he asked. "You're not having second thoughts, are you?"

"No… no," I reassured him. "It's nothing like that."

"But," he prodded.

"But…" I repeated. "Edward, I have a few conditions," I blurted.

Edward smirked. "You already accepted. It's a little late for conditions," he told me.

I laughed lightly. "Well, okay, not really conditions… more like requests," I amended. "But they are important to me."

Edward kissed my hand and his face sobered. "Whatever you want, Bella. You know that."

I took a deep breath. "Okay, well first, I want to get married soon."

"The sooner, the better," Edward said with a wolfish grin. He was still holding my hand close to his mouth and parted his teeth to bite my knuckles gently.

_Gah. What was I saying?_

I cleared my throat. "Seriously. I want to get married right away… within a month."

Edward considered that. "Why so soon?"

 _Because we're running out of time_.

"I just don't want to wait any longer," I replied.

"All right," he said with a nod. "What else?"

"Can we have a small wedding?" I asked. "Just family and close friends… maybe in your back yard?"

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Most girls dream of a big church wedding with all the flowers and music…"

"I'm sure," I said firmly. "Just you and me… the people closest to us. That's all I want."

He glanced around to make sure we were not being observed and leaned in to kiss me softly. "It sounds perfect," he murmured against my lips.

"There's one more thing," I said when he pulled away, nerves twisting in my stomach. This was it.

"Yes?" He flipped my hand over and started tracing the lines on my palm.

"I… uh…" How did I say this? How did I ask him to leave everything behind?

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked, his eyes filling with concern.

I took a deep breath. "I have to ask you something," I said anxiously. "It's important."

"What are you doing over here all by yourselves?" Tom and Samantha appeared at the table and sat down across from us. I was so intent on our conversation, I hadn't even seen them approaching.

I cleared my throat nervously. "Nothing," I said. "Just enjoying the party." I felt Edward's eyes on me, but tried to ignore them. "Congratulations, again." I smiled at them. "I'm so happy for you both."

"Thank you." Samantha beamed at Tom before turning back to me. "I was so surprised when Tom proposed I almost fainted dead away!" She laughed.

We sat and chatted for a while. I admired Samantha's engagement ring – it was a simple gold band with a delicate square cut emerald – and they told us they planned to be married the following summer. Tom was up for a promotion at the paper, and by then he hoped to have saved up enough to buy a house.

I hoped they'd get the chance.

As the summer days passed, it was getting more and more difficult to get a handle on my morbid thoughts. I knew the influenza epidemic would claim thousands of lives, and every time I thought about my friends facing that threat, I felt a little sick to my stomach.

I didn't know what to do about it.

Actually, I just knew there wasn't anything I _could_ do about it.

I didn't know how to treat influenza. In my time we still hadn't _cured_ it. Our only real defense was a vaccine, and I had no idea how to make one, even if I wanted to. The only chance I saw was minimizing exposure by getting out of highly populated areas – and I had no idea if even _that_ would work.

Sure, I entertained fantasies of taking everyone I loved with me to some little house on a mountainside where we could all live together in harmony and never be touched by the Spanish Influenza.

But I knew it couldn't really ever happen. First, there was the problem of convincing them all that I wasn't a complete lunatic. Then, if I could by some miracle do that, there were the simple logistical issues – these people had jobs, families, ties to Chicago. Where would it end? How many people could fit in that mountainside cabin?

Then I'd think about the ripple effect of changing so many lives… multiplying the effect on the future by how much? Five times? Twenty times? It was mind-boggling.

" _You're here for Edward…"_ Alice's words echoed around my brain and kept me focused for the most part. Still, they didn't make me feel any better about those we'd leave behind.

I'd left so many behind already - my parents… my friends…Alice and the rest of the Cullens. Now, I'd have to leave my new family as well, without knowing if they would even survive another year.

My eyes flickered to Edward's beautiful face.

It would be difficult, but Edward was worth it.

We'd come back eventually, and I could only pray that they would all be here. My eyes strayed across the yard to where Edward's parents sat with Samantha's.

They wouldn't _all_ be here.

My heart broke at the thought that Edward would lose his parents in just a few short months. I'd grown close to them as well – especially Edward's mother – but I knew my loss would be nothing compared to Edward's. My mind raced as I tried to think of a way… any way… that I could save them too.

" _You're here for Edward…"_

Sometimes, knowing the future was not all it was cracked up to be.

x-x

I was lost in my own thoughts as Edward drove me home after the party. He left me to them for the most part, just holding my hand and rubbing his thumb lightly over my wrist.

"When are you going to tell me?" he asked finally, as he pulled to a stop in front of the boarding house.

"Tell you what?" I asked distractedly.

He chuckled. "What you wanted to ask me at the party. The thing you said was so important?"

"Oh, right." I shook my head to clear it. "It's still early, why don't we go and sit in the garden?" I asked, buying myself some time.

We got out of the car and walked through the quiet boarding house – everyone was out for the day - and into the back yard, taking our seats on the wooden bench. I turned to face him, biting my lip. "After we get married… we need to leave Chicago," I said finally.

Edward blinked in surprise. "Leave Chicago? Why?"

This was the tricky part. "Something… bad is going to happen here. We need to leave before it does."

To his credit, Edward didn't laugh. He just eyed me carefully. "What do you mean, 'something bad'… and how do you know it's going to happen?"

I sighed. "You're going to think I'm crazy."

"I already think you're crazy," he laughed, but he took my hand. "I'm joking, Bella. I don't think that… I could never think that. Just tell me what you're afraid of."

I watched his fingers rub mine gently. "I… know certain things that are going to happen," I said quietly.

"Like a fortune teller?" Edward asked. My eyes flashed to his, but I saw no mockery there.

I smiled. "Not exactly."

"What kinds of things?"

_Hmmm… how to answer that one._

"I know…" I hesitated, but didn't see an alternative to at least some disclosure. "I know that the war will end soon," I said in a rush. "I know that alcohol will become illegal in a year or two… that women will get the vote… and that Shoeless Joe Jackson won't be playing baseball for much longer."

Edward gaped. "What?"

"There will be a Great Depression," I continued. "Then another world war. Cars will get faster. Men will land on the moon. Hawaii will become a state and you'll be able to fly there in less than a day."

"Fly?" Edward choked. "Like a bird?"

I laughed. "In an airplane… a flying machine like the one the Wright brothers flew at Kitty Hawk. That happened already, right?"

Edward nodded dumbly. "Yes, I read about it in the newspaper."

"It's hard to keep things straight," I explained, the words flowing out once I'd allowed them to trickle. "I don't know exact dates for the most part… just general information."

Edward stood up abruptly and took a few steps away, running his fingers through his hair. I worried that I'd lost him. That he was now convinced I was certifiable.

Maybe I'd end up sharing a cell with Alice. That wouldn't be so bad, really. Maybe they'd let us bake cookies.

Edward ran his hands through his hair again, his eyes on the ground.

"Say something," I said quietly.

His eyes flicked up to mine. "I don't know what you expect me to say," he said wearily. "You know how this sounds, Bella."

"Like I'm insane."

Edward choked on a humorless laugh, but said nothing.

"I'm not," I insisted. "I need you to trust me on this, Edward."

"Well, help me," he replied quickly, "tell me something that's going to happen tomorrow."

I huffed. "It doesn't work like that."

"How does it work then?"

"Do you remember the day and time of every event that's happened in your life, Edward?" I asked in frustration, answering before he could. "No, you don't. You remember key events and kind of when they happened… maybe dates for a few big ones, but that's it.

"I'm not omniscient. There are just some things I _know_ ," I said emphatically. "And one of those things is we need to get out of Chicago."

Edward eyed me steadily for a moment, then turned again to pace back and forth. I didn't say anything more, but just let him work through what I'd said in his own way. I felt a little dizzy, then realized I was holding my breath and released it slowly.

He turned back to me finally, his face impassive. "That first day…" he began speculatively, "when you walked up to me in the front yard. You said my name."

I nodded. "I… I already knew you, Edward. I already loved you."

His eyes squeezed shut at that and he returned to the bench, collapsing back onto it as he rubbed his hands over his face. "But how?" he asked, and I had a feeling the question wasn't really directed at me.

I answered anyway. "I don't know how."

He turned to me. "And you believe something bad will happen if we stay in Chicago."

I took a deep breath. "I don't believe it. I _know_ it," I corrected him. "If we stay here, you will die."

Edward blanched. "How?" he whispered.

I hoped I wasn't making a huge mistake, but I didn't see any way of convincing Edward to leave without telling him the truth.

"There's going to be an epidemic," I told him. "Influenza. In the fall."

"Can't something be done?" he asked. "Your friend the doctor – can't he talk to people? Try to stop it from happening?" I didn't realize at that moment that Edward no longer seemed to doubt my words… it only hit me later that his faith in me overshadowed any disbelief he may have had at my story.

"Carlisle knows," I told him. "But there's nothing that can be done. It's going to happen."

"Who else?" he asked after a moment, turning as his eyes locked onto mine.

I looked away. "I don't have a list," I hedged.

"Bella…"

"Edward, before you ask me this, be sure you really want to know," I warned him. "Do you really want to know what happens if the chances are you won't be able to stop it? Do you want the guilt that comes along with this kind of knowledge? Because take it from me, it eats at you. It isn't easy.

"I want to save them all," I spat angrily, feeling tears clog my throat, "but I can't. Every day I look around at people who may not live through the winter and there's nothing I can do to help them. Do you really want that?"

Edward was silent for a long moment. "You think you can save me." It wasn't a question.

I sniffed, wiping at my eyes. "I'm not sure, to be honest. But I have to try," I replied, reaching for his hand. "And our best shot is to get you out of Chicago."

He looked down at our intertwined fingers. "Where will we go?"

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the list that Carlisle had given me. "One of these places," I told him. "They're smaller towns with less chance of exposure." He reached out to take the list, but didn't look at it. Instead, he tucked it into his inside jacket pocket.

"When do we need to leave?"

I swallowed. "By August first," I told him. "We need to be out of Chicago before the summer is over. We can come back," I added. "After the first of the year it will be all over. Then we can go wherever you want."

Edward's eyes met mine. "I just want to be where you are," he said simply.

My heart melted and I reached out with my free hand to touch his face. "Was I wrong to tell you?" I asked.

Edward shrugged. "I don't know. Am I a coward to run away with you?"

I shook my head and smiled softly. "So you will run away with me?"

He smiled back, leaning forward to kiss me gently. "To the ends of the earth."

I looked into his eyes and was overwhelmed by the love and acceptance I saw swirling in their green depths. Edward believed me. He accepted what I told him and he was going to go along with what I asked. I could hardly believe it.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, leaning in to kiss me again. He peppered kisses over my lips, trailing them up along my cheek.

"I was just…" A heavy breath escaped my lungs. "I'm just glad you believe me," I said.

Edward pulled back. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

I laughed humorlessly. "Well, it isn't every day your girlfriend tells you she can predict the future," I joked.

"Fiancée," he corrected.

I smirked. "Fiancée."

He smiled. "I like the sound of that," he murmured, scooting closer to me on the bench and leaning in to kiss my neck.

"Why aren't you more freaked out?" I asked on a whimper as his tongue darted out below my jawline.

"Freaked out?" he repeated, and I could feel him smile against my skin.

"Worried? Anxious?" I stammered, scrambling for synonyms.

His lips drifted up behind my ear as his fingers stroked my leg. "You've told me what you know. We'll do what we can do. There's nothing more we can do than that," he said simply, his hand circling my knee as his tongue mirrored the motion on my ear. "None of us know how much time we have on this earth," he explained in a low voice, his breath tickling my ear. "What better reason to make the most of each moment?

"And at this particular moment, I'd really like to kiss my fiancée," he said with a grin before resuming his delicious teasing of my neck.

"That's… ummm…" I was getting distracted by the feel of his fingers on my inner thigh. "…very accepting of you," I murmured.

"Mmm hmmm," he replied, reaching out to pull me onto his lap and burying his fingers in my hair. "I'm a very accepting person," he said, pulling my mouth to his.

I gasped at the feel of Edward's lips… his tongue… on mine. I hadn't really had the chance to kiss him thoroughly since I'd accepted his proposal, and – Good Lord – he was holding nothing back.

He held my head prisoner as he attacked my mouth… mercilessly driving me forward with tantalizing strokes and tender sucks. His free hand gripped my hip, rubbing it gently with his thumb while pressing me closer to his body… his heat. The air thickened around us, mimicking the moisture and feverish want growing between my legs and spreading throughout my body.

"Edward," I moaned as his lips moved to my throat.

"Bella, I want… to be with you," he murmured, his tongue licking the perspiration along my collar bone. "I want to touch you," he added, his hand leaving my hip and stroking up my side before gently kneading my breast.

He stood, letting me slide to the ground until we were pressed up against each other. He continued to stroke my breast and nibble at my throat, while his other hand stroked down my back swiftly to the curve of my waist… and lower. I gasped as he pushed me even more firmly against him and his erection twitched against my stomach.

My hands tangled in his hair and when he threw his head back, I attacked his neck with wet, open-mouthed kisses.

"Bella," he moaned, holding my hips with both hands and thrusting against me unconsciously. He bent forward to take my mouth again, and I thought I would explode.

I literally thought my blood would boil and my body would explode all over Maggie's petunias.

Or peonies. I couldn't remember at that moment.

"Take me to your room," he said in a low voice.

"What?" I asked, dazed and a little stunned.

He looked into my eyes. "Take me to your room," he repeated, emphasizing each word.

"Edward, are you sure?"

_Why did I ask that? What the hell was the matter with me? Take the man to your room, you stupid idiot!_

Edward did the strangest, hottest thing right then. His green eyes – darkened to almost black – swept from my eyes, down my body slowly, and right back up again. I could almost feel the trail of heat and electricity they left in their wake. When his eyes met mine again, he just raised an eyebrow, licked his lips and smirked.

_Sweet Jesus._

So I did the only thing I could.

I grabbed his hand, and I dragged him up the stairs to my room.


	25. Of Wishes and Watches

  


" _ **It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp."**_

_**-Unknown** _

**Chapter 24 – Of Wishes and Watches**

I held Edward's hand in mine as we tiptoed down the hallway, even though the house was silent, and I was relatively certain everyone was out.

Well, everyone except Alistair. He was always quiet, so I never knew for sure if he was lurking about.

I could feel Edward's heavy breaths behind me, matching my own rapid pants. Good lord, this had been a long time coming. Longer for me than for him. Edward had been tempting me… taunting me since the first time he kissed me a century from now.

I tried not to think about _that_ too much. It kind of blew my mind a little.

We finally reached my room and I pulled Edward inside, trying not to slam the door shut in my eagerness. Edward, however, had no such qualms, as he whirled me around and pressed me to the door, his body flush against mine. I caught a flash of uncontrollable lust in his eyes one second before his lips pressed to my neck, his tongue darting out to taste my skin. My palms lay flat against the wood at my back. I was unable to move… to think… all I could do was feel.

"I love you, Bella," he murmured against my throat, his lips dragging upward over my chin before brushing my mouth, "…so much."

I whimpered something incomprehensible as his tongue slipped into my mouth, teasing along my teeth and making me tremble. His hands swept up my sides, his thumbs brushing over my nipples deliberately before they slipped between us. I felt the buttons loosening on my blouse and arched away from the door unconsciously, my fingers digging into the wood at my hips. I moaned and Edward wrapped his lips around my tongue, sucking lightly and sending a wave of heat and lust ricocheting down my nerve endings. He released my tongue with a slight pop and slid my blouse from my shoulders, his hands trailing down my arms as his mouth descended on my breast.

"Edward… God… Edward…" I mumbled as his tongue swirled my already pebbled nipple through my chemise before his lips captured it and he drew it deeper into his mouth. He clutched at my back, pressing me toward him as I arched into the moist, wet heat. He turned his attention to my other breast, and I gasped at the tingling, tightening feeling between my legs. Thrusting forward in search of friction, I writhed against the door, my head pounding against it slightly.

Edward pulled away from my breast and his nearly black eyes locked on mine. He tugged at the bottom of my chemise, pulling it free of my waistband, then up and over my head slowly, never breaking eye contact. He licked his lips and finally, his eyes lowered to my now bare breasts.

He gasped, then released his sharp inhalation on a low groan as his erection grew even thicker and harder against my hip. His forehead rested against mine as he stared at my naked chest, his hands hovering over my bare skin.

Finally, I gained some control over my own body, and my hands lifted to Edward's shoulders. He jumped slightly at the contact, then relaxed as I gently rubbed his tense muscles through his clothing. I pushed his jacket from his shoulders and he shrugged slightly, lowering his arms so it could slide to the floor. I reached up to loosen his tie, pulling the knot until I could lift it over his head. My trembling fingers worked the buttons of his shirt free, and it too landed in the pile on the floor. Edward's white undershirt was damp with perspiration, and I could feel the heat from his skin through the moist cotton as I ran my fingers down his chest to his belt, dipping below it to tug the shirt up and over his head.

The whole time Edward said nothing. The only sounds filling the room were shuddering breaths and the muted rustling of clothing as it fell to the floor.

I barely had time to register the masculine beauty of his chest, the smooth ripples of his abdomen… the soft trail of hair leading downward, cut off from my vision where his pants hung low on his hips. I pulled him toward me, feeling the pull and bunch of his muscles as he leaned against me… then… finally… we touched… skin to blessedly delicious skin.

I can't find the words to describe the feeling of Edward's bare chest against mine. It was soothing, but also shocking. Like a wave of relief followed quickly by a surge of desire for… _more_. Our bodies melded together in a sliding, sinuous merging of love and lust, and I felt tears fill my eyes at the impact. We clung to each other, absorbing the overwhelming sensations – me stroking Edward's hair softly as he held me in an iron grip, his arms around my waist. I have no idea how long we stood like that, locked together, but eventually I pulled back, tugging Edward's head up so I could see his face.

I gasped when I saw his eyes were glassy as well. His gaze dropped again and he lowered his head to plant a soft kiss over my heart.

"You're so beautiful," he breathed, but the words caught in his throat. Something was wrong.

I stroked his hair, my hand drifting down to rub his neck gently. "Edward, what is it?" I asked. He just shook his head.

"Edward, look at me, please," I pleaded. He looked up then, his face stricken. "Tell me what's wrong." I touched his cheek and he leaned into my palm, closing his eyes.

I knew.

"You don't want to do this," I said as understanding finally washed through me. His fingers gripped my waist, digging into my flesh, but I knew that I was right.

Edward opened his eyes and gazed at me intently. "Believe me, I want it… I want nothing more," he said earnestly.

"But you want to wait until we're married." I finished his thought, and he looked away, flushing.

"I feel like an idiot," he muttered. "I practically beg you to bring me up here. I have a beautiful woman just waiting for me to…" His eyes flashed to mine, then back away. "…and all I can think is, 'not yet.'"

My hands slid up into his hair and I pulled him up against me again – not in a sexual way, but I hoped in a comforting one. Electricity hummed through our skin and I smiled into his neck.

"Edward, it's okay," I murmured, kissing him softly.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"No… don't apologize. I think you're right," I told him. He pulled back and looked at me in disbelief. "Really!" I laughed, and his lips raised in a smirk. "I swear sometimes you make me feel like a villain in an old movie, trying to steal the hero's virtue!"

His grin widened and I leaned in to kiss him softly. "I know it's important to you, and I think it should be special," I assured him. "We'll wait."

"Thank you," he murmured. He took a step back and reached down to pick up his shirt.

"Now, just wait a second." I grabbed his wrist to stop him. His eyes flicked up to me in confusion. "You know," I said casually. "Just because certain things need to wait until the wedding night, doesn't mean _everything_ does." I bit my lip and smiled suggestively. His gaze darkened with interest.

"What do you mean?" he asked, straightening and taking a step back toward me.

"Well," I continued flirtatiously, running a finger along his lips. "Kissing is okay, right?" He leaned in to brush his lips against mine.

"Yes," he said, his voice husky.

My finger trailed down over his chin, down his chest and stroked the trail of hair on his stomach. His muscles twitched. "And touching?" I whispered.

His hands stroked up my sides, hesitating only briefly before drifting over my breasts. "Touching is good," he rasped, his jaw tightening slightly, "…very good."

"Mmmm…" I murmured, running my fingers along the top edge of his belt. "So maybe we can do some kissing…" I pressed my lips to his chest. "…and touching." I reached down to unbuckle his belt and Edward froze, his hand shooting down to grab my wrist.

"Bella…?" he groaned, both question and plea. His ears were pink, the flush quickly spreading to his cheeks. "I don't think…"

"It's all right," I whispered soothingly. "I just want to touch you, Edward. I love you. I just want to make you feel good."

He moaned and released my hand, his head bowing as he buried his face in my neck.

I unbuckled the belt and flipped the buttons on his pants, working my way down as I felt Edward's harsh breath against my skin. I actually had no idea what I was doing, but I just felt the urge… the need to give him something. I wanted him to feel my love for him… my acceptance of him… my unending desire for him.

I took a deep breath, and slipped my hand into his pants, stroking his erection over the thin fabric of his underwear. It twitched under my hand, and I heard Edward whimper my name. I smiled as I lifted my hand before sliding it down his stomach and into his underwear. When I touched the smooth, hot skin, Edward hissed loudly, his hands slamming flat on the door on either side of my head. I looked up at him in surprise, but his eyes were clenched shut, his mouth parted as his breath escaped in harsh bursts.

I must have been doing something right.

I stroked him softly, marveling at the feel of him under my fingers. I longed to see it… to see all of him, but I knew that would have to wait, for now. A drop of moisture gathered at the tip of his penis and I smoothed the warm liquid down his length before wrapping my fingers around him.

"Bella…" he moaned tightly, "I can't… I'm going to…"

I stroked my hand up slowly, then down again and felt his erection swell even further, then begin to throb within my grasp. Mesmerized, I squeezed a little tighter and was rewarded by a low curse escaping Edward's lips. I looked up at him as he shuddered, thrusting twice in my hand as he climaxed. He collapsed against me, his chest heaving, and I pulled my hand out, unsure what to do about the mess that was now all over my fingers.

Then I heard it.

Voices.

Laughter.

Footsteps.

Downstairs.

_Shit!_

"Edward," I whispered, pushing against him slightly with my clean hand. He mumbled something, but didn't move. "Edward," I repeated, a little louder. "They're downstairs!"

"What?" he lifted his head, his eyes glassy and a goofy smile on his face.

"I said, they're downstairs!" I hissed, shoving him a little harder. He stumbled back and I grabbed a towel from the top of my dresser, wiping Edward's spunk from my fingers. "Everyone's back," I told him. "And we've got to get you out of here!"

I wasn't so delusional that I didn't realize Edward being found in my bedroom would be a very, very bad thing. I mean, it would be bad if the world knew we were engaged. But they didn't. That made it even worse.

Edward's parents would kill him. The scandal would shame them… and Edward.

What the _fuck_ was I thinking?

Oh, yeah. I wasn't.

I picked up the pile of clothes on the floor, throwing Edward's shirt at him as I pulled on my chemise. We dressed quickly and my mind raced to come up with a plan.

"Okay… okay…" I babbled, "What are we going to do… what are we going to do?"

Edward grabbed my shoulders and shook me gently. "Bella, it's all right," he said firmly, leaning forward to kiss me and cutting off my rambling words. "I mean, if they catch us, what are they going to do? Force me to marry you?" He raised his eyebrow and smirked, and I couldn't help returning his smile.

"Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that," I retorted, finally getting control of my thoughts. "It sounds like everyone's in the kitchen. I'll go down and distract them. You sneak out the front door. Okay?"

Edward nodded. "Okay." I turned toward the door. "Oh, Bella?" he called. I whirled around and gasped as he grabbed me by the waist and dipped me backward over his arm, bending over me for a devastating kiss.

He pulled back slightly, "Thank you," he murmured, his breath washing over my lips. "Maybe sometime soon I can return the favor."

_Holy shit._

He winked and set me back on my feet, and I stumbled a little as I turned toward the door. I heard Edward chuckle lightly as I walked into the hallway.

I started to tiptoe down the stairs, then realized that was ridiculous and would only look more suspicious, so I walked down quickly, my eyes scanning the room. I was right, the sitting room was empty and I found Maggie, Tom, Liza and Jared in the kitchen, chatting over glasses of lemonade.

"Bella," Tom said with a smile. "I didn't even know you were home."

"I… uh…" I swallowed, trying to get a grip on myself. "I was just taking a nap upstairs… you know… alone."

_What?_

God, I was pitiful. I hoped nobody ever entrusted me with state secrets because it wouldn't even take torture to get me to break. Just a hello and a guilty conscience.

"Uh huh…" Tom said, eyeing me warily. "Well, we were just talking about next Saturday."

"Saturday?" I repeated.

"Yeah, the picnic… at the shore?" he was looking at me like I should have known what he was talking about, so I acted like I did.

"Oh, of course, sure… the picnic," I stammered, catching a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye.

 _Crap!_ Edward was in the living room.

"What's that?" I screamed, pointing at the back door and making everyone jump.

"What?" All eyes turned to the window and I waved my hand frantically behind my back, telling Edward to get a move on.

"I guess it was nothing," I said sheepishly. Maggie cast a narrow glance my way as I heard the front door close.

"Is someone at the door?" Jared asked.

_Shit!_

"I'll check!" I said brightly, turning to walk into the living room. I panicked when I saw Edward's tie lying on the floor by the door, whipping it open and calling to him in a hiss as he walked toward his car. He turned around with raised eyebrows and I waved the tie at him. He grinned sheepishly and ran up the steps to take it from me.

"Who is it, Bella?" Maggie came up behind me and my stomach dropped.

"Uh… it's… Edward," I replied, opening the door slowly. Edward had pulled the tie over his head and tightened it quickly. It was a little crooked, but hopefully not too noticeable.

"Ah, Edward," Maggie said with a smile, moving to stand next to me. "Weren't you just here a little while ago?"

Edward flushed slightly, but his voice was steady. "Yes," he answered, "I dropped Bella off after the graduation party, but I forgot to ask her about the picnic next weekend."

_Wow. Edward was pretty good at this whole sneaking around and lying thing. I'd have to keep my eye on him._

"Of course." Maggie nodded. "But you could have telephoned." I shot Maggie an annoyed glance, but she seemed to ignore me.

Edward tugged at his collar. "Yes… well, I suppose I could have done that. I just was in the neighborhood, so thought I'd stop by."

"Mmm hmmm…" Maggie replied noncommittally. "Well, it was nice to see you again," she said. "I'm sure we'll see you soon."

Edward swallowed nervously. "Yes. All right. Goodbye, Mrs. Oleson… Bella." He turned on his heel and practically ran to his car.

I closed the door and turned to Maggie. "And what was that all about?" I asked, my hands on my hips.

"I don't know what you mean," Maggie said innocently. Too innocently.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Oh, you know exactly what I mean," I accused.

"What I know," Maggie said, crossing her arms over her chest, "is what it's like to be young and in love. I know how it feels. I know what it's like to be swept away." Her eyes flickered toward the kitchen and she lowered her voice.

"And I know how to make sure my blouse is buttoned up correctly," she added with a pointed glance toward my chest before turning and walking back into the kitchen.

_Son of a…_

x-x

The next few weeks passed in a blur. I know people say that all the time, but in this case, it really seemed to be true. Edward and I spent as much time together as possible, although I had yet to be able to claim the promise of reciprocation he'd made that day in my bedroom. Once I'd gotten over my mortification that Maggie knew we'd been up to some hanky-panky, I had been relieved that Edward and I hadn't gone any further. Not only because I knew it was important to Edward to wait, but also because I still hadn't received an important package I'd asked Eleanor to procure for me.

I had finally studied the birth control brochure and settled on the method that seemed to be the most effective. Eleanor agreed with my choice of a diaphragm (although it was called a pessary in this time and place) and told me she would get one for me as soon as possible. When I thought about the fact that I'd been so caught up in Edward that I'd forgotten all about birth control, my blood ran cold. Not because I didn't want to have children with him – because I really did – even if I never anticipated having them at such a young age. No, the panic set in when I realized that if I got pregnant our child could be exposed to the very disease I was here to protect Edward from. I couldn't let that happen. Once the epidemic was over, things would be different. In the meantime, I'd have to be careful. Although at the moment, it looked like pregnancy and birth control wouldn't really be an issue until our wedding night.

It was nice, actually. It took the pressure off, and Edward and I could enjoy each other without worrying about things like babies and scandal and shotgun weddings. I found myself relaxing and looking forward to what the future would bring, at least to a limited extent.

I still worried, of course… about the epidemic… Edward's parents… and what I might have fixed - or ruined - in my efforts to save Edward. Carlisle was still spying on Esme, which also concerned me, but I couldn't really say I blamed him.

"She seems lonely," he'd revealed one evening while we were working.

"Carlisle," I said in warning.

"She has no family around her," he told me. "No real friends. She's isolated and alone."

"You need to wait," I told him.

"I know… I know…" Carlisle muttered, mumbling to himself as he flipped through some medical journals. "Her husband barely writes," he spat.

"Have you been reading her mail again?" I asked, incredulous.

"I don't open it," he said defensively. "I just see it on the table when she brings it in."

I shook my head. "I don't even know what to say to that."

"I went by the local hospital," he said, "just to take a look around."

"And?" I couldn't wait to hear what else he'd been up to.

"It's a decent facility," he said. "I think I'll be able to do good work there when the time comes." He wouldn't meet my eyes, and I knew there was more.

"And?" I repeated.

"And…" he took a deep, unneeded breath. "I might have seen Esme's medical records."

My face dropped into my hands. "Carlisle, what are you doing?" I moaned.

"Bella, listen to me." His voice was tense… urgent. I looked up and was surprised at the worry in his eyes.

"Esme's been to the hospital on several occasions. Broken bones, cracked ribs… bruises and abrasions."

My stomach clenched. "Was she in an accident?" I knew she wasn't.

Carlisle scoffed. "Five visits in the few months between her wedding and when her husband shipped out," he practically snarled. "The bastard beats her."

I swallowed thickly. "I didn't know that." My heart broke for Esme's pain… that kind, loving woman a victim of brutal abuse. "I'm sorry," I whispered, tears clogging my throat.

"She's so sweet… so delicate… she doesn't deserve that," Carlisle murmured, and I could feel the longing in his voice. Edward once told me that vampires rarely changed, but when they did, it was irreversible… irrevocable… forever. I could see that in Carlisle. I doubted he even realized it yet, but he was in love with Esme.

"No, she doesn't," I agreed with a heavy sigh. "I told you that you might learn things you wished you didn't know."

Carlisle nodded sadly. "It's so frustrating just to stand back and watch… wait…"

My heart broke for Carlisle. I wanted to say something to make him feel better.

"You'll play baseball," I blurted out.

Carlisle choked slightly. "What?"

"Someday, you'll play baseball," I told him, grasping at a happy memory that could give him hope. "You'll go out to this big field by your house… but only on stormy days, so the thunder hides the sound of the bat."

Carlisle was smiling, so I continued.

"Esme doesn't play, though. She prefers to umpire," I told him.

He laughed. "Really? Why is that?"

I grinned. "She told me she has to keep the children honest."

His eyes softened at the mention of children, and I leaned toward him earnestly. "That's what you're waiting for, Carlisle. Don't forget it."

His smile fell slightly, but he nodded in understanding before turning around to get back to work.

x-x

Before I knew it Edward's birthday party was a week away… and I still had no idea what to give him.

"How about a nice shirt?" Samantha suggested as we walked down a downtown street, shopping.

"Meh," I mumbled with a shrug.

"Meh?" Samantha repeated, laughing.

I smiled. "A shirt isn't… special enough. I want to get Edward something meaningful," I explained.

We rounded the corner and Samantha spotted a bookstore. "How about a book? Or a journal?"

I frowned, looking in the window. "Maybe…" I let her pull me into the store and we browsed for a little while. Samantha bought a stack of books, but I still couldn't find the right gift.

"I think you're worrying too much," she told me as we walked back out onto the street. "Edward will be happy with whatever you give him."

"Spoken like a woman who's already bought an amazing present," I muttered. Samantha had showed me the silver pocketknife she'd purchased almost a month ago. I knew Edward would love it. "Besides, I _know_ he'll be happy with anything… but I _want_ it to be perfect."

Samantha, God love her, was exceedingly patient with me as we walked through clothing stores, haberdasheries (I couldn't bear the thought of Edward covering that glorious hair), hobby shops, jewelers, and shoe stores. We looked at shirts, ties, gloves, socks (yes, I was desperate enough to consider socks), and even car accessories. I was frowning at a bottle of leather polish for car seats when a shop on the other side of the street caught my eye. I set the polish back down and walked across the street, Samantha trailing behind me.

I walked through the door into the dimly-lit interior and a smile spread across my face.

I'd found it. The perfect gift. A gleaming pocket watch that was a slightly larger version of my pendant. I weighed the chain in my palm as I popped the lid open, examining the spinning gears visible in the center of the face.

I spoke to the owner and found out – to my delight – that I could have it engraved in a few days. Which meant I could give it to Edward on Thursday - his actual birthday - and didn't have to wait for the party the following Saturday. It took almost all the money I had saved, but I knew there was nothing else I'd rather give to him.

"Well, it took a while, but I think you made the right choice," Samantha said as we left the little shop.

"You really think he'll like it?" I asked, when in reality, I already knew he would.

"Absolutely," Samantha confirmed. "Now, how about we get some lunch? I'm starving."

x-x

"You have to make a wish," I insisted, holding the cupcake in front of Edward's mouth, a lit candle flickering from his breath. It was Edward's seventeenth birthday and we were sitting in Maggie's garden on our bench, having a private celebration. I'd baked chocolate cupcakes and picked the best-looking one to present to him.

"I don't know what to wish for." He laughed, almost blowing out the candle. I carefully moved it away, protecting it with a cupped hand.

"Well, you better think of something," I scolded. "You don't want to let your birthday wish go to waste."

Edward observed me for a moment, a crooked smile on his face as he concentrated. "All right, I have one," he told me. I lifted the plate in front of him and he closed his eyes. "I wish…"

"No!" I interrupted. "You can't say it out loud!"

Edward arched a brow. "Why not?"

I rolled my eyes. "Because then it won't come true!" Didn't everyone know that?

_Sheesh!_

"You're adorable," he said with a smile, leaning forward to nuzzle my cheek. I giggled and shoved him playfully with my shoulder.

"Your candle's melting," I reminded him with a pointed look.

He sat up. "All right." He closed his eyes and a moment later blew the candle out. "Happy?" he asked me.

"Thrilled," I replied, kissing him softly.

We shared the cupcake, playfully feeding pieces to each other in that lovey-dovey way that would make me sick if it was anyone else. I didn't care. There were so many clouds hanging over our heads that I grabbed hold of any sunshine that came our way. We avoided talking about what would happen after the wedding. Instead, by tacit agreement we tried to cram all the fun and silliness and clichéd romantic gestures into each hour we had together until then.

I dipped my fingertip in frosting and held it out to him expectantly. "Want some?" I asked saucily.

Edward grabbed my wrist and licked the frosting from my finger before sucking it into his mouth. "Delicious," he said with a wolfish grin. I giggled as he leaned in to kiss me, tasting the sweet chocolate on his tongue. His fingers slid along the chain of my pendant before slipping beneath it, pressing lightly where his ring lay beneath my blouse and against my skin.

"I can't wait until this is on your finger," he said quietly, circling the ring with his knuckle. Goosebumps burst out all over me, but whether it was from his touch and proximity, or the thought of wearing his ring, I couldn't be sure.

"When are you going to talk to your parents?" I asked. He sat back on the bench, taking my hand and pressing his lips to my palm before responding.

"Tomorrow, after my father comes home from the office," he replied. "I've already told them I need to speak with them. I think they know what's coming."

"Really?"

Edward flashed a wry smile at me. "It's not a big secret how I feel about you, Bella."

I couldn't stop the blush that washed over my cheeks. "Do you want me to be there?" I'd asked before and he'd always refused, but felt I should offer again.

He shook his head. "No. I think it's better if I speak to them alone."

"Will they be upset?" I leaned my head against his shoulder, loving the feel of being so close to him.

"Not about the engagement, no," he assured me. "The rest, I'm not so sure. I think they'll come around when it comes to us getting married right away. But leaving Chicago? That could pose a problem."

I bit my lip, considering that. "Do you think… Edward, do you think there's any way they would come with us?" I knew I was treading on precarious ground, giving Edward a glimpse of the future he might not even want.

He stilled. "Should they?"

I knew what he was asking. But I didn't really know how to answer. If I told him his parents were going to die, he would probably do whatever he could to get them to move out of the city. If they refused, would he be able to leave them behind? I didn't know.

Plus there was the whole fate issue: Maybe they were _meant_ to die. It was enough to drive you crazy.

"Chicago is going to be a dangerous place," I replied slowly. "It might not be a bad idea to see if they'd be willing to leave… even for a little while."

Maybe we could save them too.

Maybe not.

But I didn't think I could bear the heartbreak… the betrayal that Edward would feel if he found out I knew his parents were going to die, and I didn't at least make an effort to protect them.

He sighed. "I'll ask," he said. "I don't think they'll leave, but I'll try," he added.

We sat in silence for a while. Edward looked off into the distance, his brow creased in concentration.

"What is it?" I asked eventually.

Edward, lost in thought, jumped a little at the sound of my voice. "Nothing," he said quietly, but he didn't meet my eyes.

I wrapped my hands around his arm as I leaned into him. "Tell me, Edward."

He took a deep breath, his eyes still unfocused, and exhaled heavily. "It's just so much," he replied finally. "You tell me all of these things…" His voice drifted off.

"…and it's crazy and unbelievable." I finished his thought.

Edward turned to me quickly. "It's not that I don't want to believe you," he corrected.

"Edward, it's okay," I reassured him, although uncertainty twisted in my stomach. I didn't know what I would do if Edward changed his mind and refused to leave Chicago. I'd placed all my cards on the table, and realized it had been a gamble. "I know I sound like a lunatic," I mumbled miserably.

He grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips. "No. It's not that," he said firmly. "I do believe you. When we're together and I see the truth in your eyes, I believe what you're telling me." Our entwined hands dropped to his lap and he looked away again. "It's just that when we're apart… when I'm alone…"

"You have doubts," I stated flatly.

Edward nodded once. "I'm sorry, Bella," he murmured, his face falling.

I squeezed his hand. "No… no… it's okay, Edward," I repeated. "It's completely understandable. I mean, here I am telling you that I know the future. It's fantastic! It's ridiculous! And I'm asking you to change your life based on my predictions." I laughed humorlessly.

"I'm changing my life because I'm in love with you," he corrected.

"Well… whatever!" I stood, throwing my hands in the air. "It's just so frustrating! I know these things, but I have no way to prove…" My words faltered as a memory flashed through my mind. A headline.

I had been absently clicking through links on the Internet… looking at scanned newspaper pages from the days around Edward's birthday. I was looking for a birth announcement. I hadn't found one before I had to go to school… but… I had seen something else. Something that stuck with me.

June 22, 1918.

Two days from now.

I whirled to face Edward, my voice urgent. "Edward, what if I had proof?" I asked.

His face clouded in confusion. "I thought you said it didn't work like that."

I bit my lip and turned to pace in front of him. "It doesn't… not really… but I remember something," I said in a rush. "Something that's going to happen soon."

"Bella, what are you talking about?"

I hurried to the bench and sat back down, grabbing his arm as I gazed intently into his eyes. "Two days from now. It happens early in the morning… before dawn. Somewhere in Indiana… crap… I can't remember the name of the town." I clenched my eyes shut, willing myself to remember. "Something starting with an 'H', I think… Hanson… Harmon…"

"Hammond?" Edward asked. "That's actually not too far from here."

"Yes! Hammond! That's it!" I focused back on Edward, leaning toward him. "One of the trains is a circus train. That's why I remember it. I mean, a circus train… that sticks in your mind, right?" Edward had a concerned look on his face and I realized I was rambling like a crazy person. I took a breath and forced my voice to steady.

"Early Saturday morning, the circus train is going to be stopped on the tracks… and another train is going to crash into it," I said somberly. At Edward's shocked look, I continued. "The engineer fell asleep… _will_ …" I corrected, "… _will_ fall asleep and won't see the train until it's too late. It's going to be bad, Edward… eighty-six people are going to die. More than a hundred injured."

I watched him warily as he absorbed what I had just said. Did he believe me? I couldn't tell.

It didn't really matter, though. It would happen. Then he would have no choice. He'd know I was telling the truth.

"Don't say anything. Okay, Edward?" I said after a moment. "Just… wait and see."

Edward shook his head. "But," he began, "if that's really going to happen, we need to tell someone. We need to stop it," he argued.

 _Yeah. If it was only that easy._ I smiled sadly. "How, Edward?" I asked. "Who's going to believe us?"

"It doesn't matter," he said hotly, running a hand through his hair. "Don't we have to _try_?" But even as he spoke, I saw the realization sink in. His shoulders slumped. "Can't we try to help?" he asked defeatedly.

I sighed. "Honestly? I really don't think there's anything we can do." At his troubled look, I continued, "Besides, if I really am crazy, then there's nothing to worry about anyway."

Edward's mouth lifted slightly and I leaned into him again.

"You're not crazy," he said quietly.

"No. I'm not."

"How do you do it?" he asked. "Knowing these terrible things are going to happen. How do you cope?"

I sighed again. "It's not easy," I said, which was the understatement of the century. "I feel guilty a lot," I admitted, thinking once again of Edward's parents. "I just realized that I have to focus on the things I can change… the things I'm _meant_ to change."

"Like keeping me alive," he said with a wry smile.

"Yes," I agreed. "Keeping you alive. Building a life with you. I believe it's why I'm here… why I know the things I know. Fate is giving me a chance… giving _us_ a chance to be together."

He nodded and we were quiet for a while, absorbing each other's heat… strength… and pondering what the future might hold. The sun was warm on my face and I closed my eyes, breathing in Edward's scent mingling with the blooming flowers around us.

_Peace._

I felt him kiss my temple and I smiled to myself.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

That made me smile even wider. How often had he asked me that question?

"I was just enjoying sitting here with you," I told him, my eyes still closed. "It's a perfect moment."

His hand lifted to run through my hair. "Yes. It is," he agreed.

I sat up, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him quickly. "I still need to give you your present," I said excitedly. "It's inside. Wait right here."

I ran into the house and up the stairs, grabbing the wrapped package off my dresser. Returning to the garden, I placed it in his lap, watching him expectantly.

He gave me a teasing smile and lifted the box, shaking it gently. The muted rattle made him frown in concentration.

"It doesn't sound like a pair of socks," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "Samantha told you I was looking at socks," I huffed.

Edward laughed. "She might have mentioned it."

I shook my head with mock exasperation. "Just open it."

He tore the paper from the box and lifted the lid as I watched him carefully. His eyes widened and flashed to mine before he lifted the pocket watch from the padded lining.

"Bella, you shouldn't have…" he began, but a smile teased at his lips and I knew he liked it. He tested the weight in his hand, flipping the watch over before popping the clasp and examining the clock face.

"Do you like it?"

He grinned and wrapped his hand around my chin, pulling me forward for a kiss. "I love it. It's beautiful. You're beautiful." He kissed me again. "Thank you."

Edward released me and looked at the watch again. I saw when he noticed the engraving.

_To Edward,_

_With all my love, Bella_

_Beyond Time_

"Beyond time?" He looked at me with a question in his eyes.

"It's from a poem," I explained quietly, shifting closer to murmur in his ear.

"' _Swept up on love's wing... above the trees, conquering fate, beyond time…"_ I pressed my lips to his neck before continuing.

"' _Soaring, spinning, dipping low to rise again, fingertips brushing the stars…"_ I stroked his arm gently before linking our hands together.

" _'Trembling, electrified. Breathing in passion… exhaling lust…"_ My nose trailed along his chin and I felt him shudder slightly.

"' _Clinging desperately... lest I crash back to earth, broken… bleeding…_ " I kissed his lips, then breathed the last two words into his mouth, " _'Forever lost._ '"

His hands lifted to cup my face, the watch dangling from the chain laced through his fingers. "I love you," he said sincerely, his eyes locking on mine.

"If I lost you, I don't know what I would do." My words choked on a sob as I considered the very real possibility.

"It's not going to happen," he said between sweet kisses. "We'll have a long and happy life together… you'll see."

Edward's beautiful green eyes broke through the mist in mine. "Promise you'll never leave me," I asked him again. Our exchange was becoming a habit. His response was always the same, but I needed to hear it anyway.

His thumbs brushed over my lips as his smile soothed my soul.

"Bella, where would I go?"

x-x

That night I dreamed I was flying. I didn't have wings or a hang glider or anything. I just soared above the treetops, floating like I was swimming in the air currents.

Below me I saw the stadium where Samantha graduated… Edward's church… his house… Lincoln Park. I laughed in sheer joy as I glided lower, until I could make out the small forms of people walking down the streets, little matchbox cars racing down the road.

A green meadow caught my eye and I flew in that direction. The rolling hills were so peaceful, interspersed here and there by large trees that provided shade from the hot summer sun.

I saw a group of people gathered under one of the trees and felt drawn toward it.

Then, suddenly, I wasn't flying anymore, but walking across the grass toward the group. As I drew nearer, I heard low sounds coming from the people. At first I thought it was laughter.

It wasn't.

They were crying. Holding each other and sobbing together. I wondered why they were so sad. What had happened?

My steps slowed as I came within a few feet of them. I didn't want to intrude, but I felt so bad for them. Finally, a young man at the front of the group turned to face me.

I gasped.

Edward.

His eyes were red and his face was drawn in anguish… streaked with tears. Samantha clung to his arm and she too was weeping. I looked around the group and found I recognized a lot of them… Maggie… Liza… Tom.

"Edward, what happened?" I asked, choking on a sob at the sight of his grief.

His gaze focused on me and I was shocked at the anger I saw there… the betrayal… the accusation.

"You!" He growled, pointing a finger. "How could you do it? How could you do this to me?"

I ran to him, grasping his arms. Tears flowed from my eyes as confusion and fear twisted in my stomach. "What, Edward? What did I do?"

He said nothing, just moved his hand, pointing down toward the ground. My eyes followed the motion, and I realized with a sickening feeling that we were not in a meadow.

We were in a cemetery.

Standing at the graves of Edward and Elizabeth Masen.

Edward fell to his knees, sobbing mournfully. I knelt next to him.

"Edward, I'm so sorry," I murmured.

He turned to me, grief-stricken. "Why didn't you stop it? Why didn't you save them?"

I reached for him, but he shook me off.

"You should have saved them!" he shouted.

"I couldn't! I didn't know how!" I covered my face with my hands and wept. "I'm sorry, Edward! I'm sorry!"

After a moment, I realized I couldn't hear him anymore. I looked up and everyone was gone.

Then I looked down.

And saw a third grave next to Mr. and Mrs. Masen's.

Edward's.


	26. Of Announcements and Assumptions

_**"The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves."** _

_**-Kyle Reese, Terminator** _

**Chapter 25 – Of Announcements and Assumptions**

Sometimes a dream is just a dream.

_Sometimes a dream is just a dream._

After my disturbing nightmare, I awoke shaking and crying, and couldn't get back to sleep. It was only as the first light of dawn streamed through the window that my tears finally dried and I was able to think logically.

 _Sometimes a dream is just a dream_. I wasn't exactly sure I was convincing myself of that.

Sure, some of my dreams had been _more_ recently… visions and long-distance transmissions from the future… but I was pretty sure my graveyard nightmare was not a message from Alice.

And I prayed it was not some kind of premonition.

Premonitions were not really my thing anyway. That was Alice's department.

So, I wrote off my nightmare as a manifestation of my guilt over not being able to save Edward's parents – as well as my fear that I could fail in my efforts to save their son.

Well, I should say I _tried_ to write it off.

The truth was it completely freaked me out.

It seemed like the further I got along in my plan – the closer it came to fruition – the more anxiety I felt over it. It wasn't that I doubted I was trying to do the right thing, though. I still believed that my purpose in 1918 was to build a life with Edward. Alice told me that I was on the right track and that everything would be okay, so I had to believe my plan was sound.

No, it wasn't the plan that was the problem. It was everything else.

Like where Edward and I would go and what we would do when we got there… how we'd pay the bills… where we would live. And of course the most immediate problem: Edward's parents. Not only did we have the challenge of getting their permission for all of this, but in addition there was the fact that we would be leaving them behind to die.

I couldn't decide if it would be better for Edward to hear that, so we could try and save them too… or if it was better for me to shoulder that burden alone and spare him the guilt and pain that were inevitable when they died.

Alice said my purpose was Edward, not his parents. I wasn't supposed to save them… but how could I hide that knowledge from Edward? At the same time, wouldn't it hurt him more to know than to remain ignorant?

It was a big, messy, vicious circle of cause and effect.

I tell Edward. He tells his parents. They die anyway. He feels guilty.

I tell Edward. He saves his parents. They weren't supposed to be saved. We screw up the future.

I don't tell Edward, but he finds out later that I knew. They die. He mourns them, and resents me for keeping the information from him.

I don't tell Edward, and he never finds out I knew. His parents die. He mourns them. I feel guilty for the rest of my life for keeping such a secret from him.

Kind of a lose-lose situation all around.

This was the kind of thing I struggled with on a daily basis. No wonder I was having nightmares.

All day Friday I was a nervous wreck. I knew Edward would be having "the talk" with his parents that evening, and I just couldn't imagine how it could end well.

Sure, I had hopes that Mr. and Mrs. Masen would be thrilled at the idea of their seventeen-year old son getting married and moving away, but I also realized those hopes had little basis in reality.

Best case scenario: they'd accept it. They'd hate it, but accept it.

Worst case: they'd forbid it.

I didn't know what I'd do if Edward's parents tried to stop me from taking Edward away. I mean, I was pretty sure Edward would go anyway, but the idea of driving a wedge between him and his parents was something I dreaded. Especially knowing they had so little time left together.

Then there was the alternative – that Edward would succumb to their wishes and call off the wedding, effectively dashing any hopes I had of saving his life. I didn't like to even consider that possibility – and given what I'd told Edward about the train crash, I didn't think even he would be able to ignore my warnings, regardless of what his parents said.

Still, just about every reasonable scenario I thought of had a downside, and I found myself obsessing about them as I polished the silver at Maggie's dining room table Friday afternoon.

"You're going to wear a hole in that spoon," Maggie said wryly. I didn't know how long I'd been rubbing at that particular utensil, but evidently, it was long enough for Maggie to notice.

"Sorry," I muttered, replacing the spoon and grabbing another, working the silver polish in carefully. "I guess I have a lot on my mind."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, reaching out to take a fork from the padded box.

I sighed. "Edward's talking to his parents tonight. He's going to tell them we want to get married and leave the city."

Maggie paused in her polishing. "Leave the city? Whatever for?"

I hesitated. I hated lying to Maggie, but Edward and I had decided a simple cover story would be best. "We just want to have a clean slate," I told her. "You know… a fresh start to our lives together."

Maggie scooped up a little more polish and cast a skeptical look my way. "I don't know why you couldn't start fresh right here." She rubbed at the fork irritably, focused intently on the space between the tines.

It took a moment for me to realize that her annoyance masked a little hurt. After all, I'd be leaving her too. My friend. One of my first in the city.

"We'll be back," I said quietly, reaching out to touch her arm. She looked up in surprise. "After the first of the year, we'll be back," I told her.

Her eyes narrowed imperceptibly for a moment and I wondered what she was thinking. Then, she blinked once and returned to her polishing.

"I'll see you again," she said simply.

This time it was my turn to be surprised. Then, I felt a small wave of relief. Since I'd known Alice, I'd grown to appreciate those who have special gifts, and I was really hoping Maggie's "bit o' the sight" was on target this time. Maybe Maggie was one person I didn't have to worry about.

Maybe when I came back to Chicago in January, she'd still be here.

"I don't know that they'll be so understanding, though," she added.

"Who?"

Maggie's mouth lifted in a slight smirk. "Edward's parents."

"Oh." I nodded. "Yeah… yes… that's why I'm worried. I'm not sure how they're going to react."

Maggie just hummed noncommittally, and we continued polishing in silence. Finally, we replaced the last pieces of silver in the box and Maggie closed it with a soft thump, pulling it across the table and placing her crossed arms on the softly gleaming wood.

"It's more than that," she said with a knowing look. "More than worry about how Edward's parents will react."

I said nothing, but swallowed deeply. How much did Maggie really see?

"You're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, dear," she continued. "It's not a burden one person can bear."

"I don't know-"

Maggie cut me off. "If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that we all have a purpose… a destiny, if you will. People don't like to hear that, because they like to think they're in control of their own lives." Maggie scoffed a little at that.

"You don't think we are?" I asked, curious. I'd been thinking a lot about destiny lately, for obvious reasons.

Maggie smiled softly. "To a certain extent, yes," she said, "but there are some things that are beyond our control. Some things we aren't _meant_ to control. If you try to hold on to everything, the most important things can slip through your fingers."

 _It's all about Edward._ Once again Alice's words came back to me. I wondered if Alice and Maggie might have been related somehow. Maybe some kind of cosmic sisterhood of psychics.

Maggie patted my hand then, and I smiled at her. "Thanks, Maggie."

She nodded and went to put the silverware away.

x-x

Edward didn't call or come by Friday night.

I was a panicked, nervous wreck… and I was ready to kill him.

I stayed up until midnight, and thought about calling him, but if things hadn't gone well with his parents I didn't want to risk one of them answering the phone.

_Hello?_

_Ummm… Hello, Mrs. Masen. It's Bella. May I speak to Edward, please?  
_

_Bella? You mean the little tramp that wants to ruin my son's life? That Bella?_

Yeah. Not good.

So instead, I paced through the living room, checking the phone once or twice… or maybe fifty times… to make sure there was a dial tone. Of course I had to be quick and hang up before the operator picked up. Maggie didn't say a word, but would alternate between rolling her eyes at me and looking at me pityingly. I couldn't decide which was worse.

Finally, I gave up and went to bed, trading my pacing for tossing and turning.

I woke up pissed.

Well, I couldn't actually say I woke up pissed, because I never actually got to sleep… but I got out of bed pissed. I stomped around getting dressed and washing my face, irritated that Edward couldn't be bothered to let me know what had happened.

_Stupid shovel-wielding, sweet-talking, heart-stopping, panty-melting idiot! Doesn't he realize I'm dying here?_

I grumbled to myself as I walked downstairs and poured myself a cup of coffee. I heard Maggie chuckle, but couldn't even summon the energy to growl at her.

"I take it you haven't heard from Edward?" she asked as she spooned a dark liquid into canning jars.

"No," I grunted. I sniffed. Something smelled good. "What are you making anyway?"

Maggie tightened the lid on the jar and I noticed she had about a dozen lining the counter. "Chocolate syrup," she said. "A friend of mine owns a little café downtown. I made her one of your coffee drinks and she wants to start serving them. I told her I'd make the syrup for a share of the profits."

I groaned, my head flopping down onto the kitchen table.

_Perfect._

"What's wrong?" Maggie asked. "I was planning to give you a percentage. It was your idea, after all."

First chocolate chip cookies… now Café Mochas. Who knew what damage I was doing with my lack of sweet tooth self-control? I mean, seriously. Like I couldn't get through life without a mocha? Really? What was I thinking? What kind of selfish bitch put the future at risk because she needed a coffee fix?

My inner self-flagellation was interrupted by a knock on the front door. Maggie was putting the chocolate syrup in the icebox, so I trudged to the front door, depressed, guilty and feeling more than a little sorry for myself.

I threw the door open, and was greeted by a smiling Edward standing on the front porch.

"Where have you been?" I nearly shouted, planting both palms on his chest and giving him a shove. He staggered a little, and his smile fell.

"Bella? What's wrong?" he asked, reaching out to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind my ear.

"What's wrong?" I repeated, batting his hand away in irritation. I was tired and cranky, and seeing Edward all rested and happy and beautiful was doing nothing for my mood. "What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. I've been going out of my mind! That's what's wrong!"

Edward's gaze softened. "I can explain. Can I come in, please?"

I huffed and stomped away from the door, collapsing on the sofa in the sitting room. Edward closed the door quietly and came to sit down next to me, picking up my hand and stroking it lovingly.

"I'm sorry I didn't telephone," he said quietly. "The conversation with my parents took longer than expected… and when we were finished, it was quite late."

"I was up," I muttered. "I didn't sleep all night." I knew I sounded like a baby, but – God – I was exhausted and stressed. I flashed a glance at Edward to find him watching me with a worried look on his face.

He reached out to touch my cheek, and then stroked the dark circles under my eyes. "I'm sorry, love. If I had known, I would have called, no matter what the time."

My heart melted. "I'm sorry," I said with a sigh. "I'm just tired… and I've been so worried… and then Maggie was making chocolate syrup…"

He leaned in to kiss me, cutting of my ramblings. As usual, the feel of his lips on mine, his tongue tracing along my teeth, erased all other concerns and all I could feel was Edward. I heard the clatter of dishes in the kitchen and Edward pulled back, a sheepish look on his face.

"I take it we're not alone," he said huskily, his fingers sliding under my hair and his lips just a few inches from mine. I wanted to lean in and capture them again. They were like a yummy Edward magnet, drawing me closer. Maggie's dish rattling broke the spell, however, as I remembered the mortification I felt when she'd caught me with my shirt mis-buttoned.

Didn't want a replay of that one.

So instead, I frowned at Edward's luscious, kiss-swollen lips and sat back on the sofa, linking my fingers with his.

"How did it go with your parents?" I asked.

"First things first," he said. "I need to show you something. He reached into his inside pocket and pulled out a folded newspaper page. He held it out to me. I didn't even have to look at it to know what it said.

"It happened," I said flatly, rubbing my eyes with my fingertips. "The train wreck."

Edward nodded somberly. "Yes. Just as you said it would. It wasn't in the morning paper, but when I got downtown, I saw the extra edition being sold on the streets."

I sighed heavily. "So now you know I'm telling the truth."

"I always knew you were telling the truth," Edward corrected. "Deep down, I knew. I just couldn't accept it."

I smiled sadly. "Now you don't really have a choice, right?"

He reached out for my hand. "It's not your fault, Bella. There's nothing either of us could have done to stop it."

I gripped his hand tightly. "I know that. I really do. It doesn't make it any easier, though."

"No, it doesn't," he agreed. "It must be… difficult to know the things you know sometimes."

I laughed mirthlessly. "You have no idea."

"Maybe…" he began. "Maybe it will help to have someone you can talk to about it."

I looked up at him, touched at his offer of support, and felt tears prick my eyes. "Thank you," I said simply.

He just smiled and kissed my hand before pulling me closer to his side. I leaned my head against his shoulder.

"Now, tell me what happened with your parents," I said after a moment. "Were they angry?"

I felt Edward swallow thickly. "At first, yes," he said slowly. "It took some convincing, but eventually they relented."

I sat up straight and gaped at him. "You're kidding."

Edward ran a hand through his hair. "No. They agreed to everything."

"The engagement?"

"Yes."

"The small wedding? Before the summer's out?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Yes. They agreed the sooner the better," Edward replied. Something was off in his voice, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"And leaving Chicago?" I couldn't imagine they would agree to that.

"That too," Edward said with a smile. "My father even said he would contact my uncle in Altoona to see if I could find work near there."

I blinked in surprise.

"Altoona is on your list," Edward pointed out.

I swallowed. "Yes… I know." I rubbed my hands over my face slowly. "I'm just so… amazed. I can't believe they took it so well."

Edward looked away, his ears turning that telltale pink.

My eyes narrowed. "Edward, what's going on?"

He cleared his throat and had just opened his mouth to reply when another knock sounded at the door.

"Bella?" Maggie called from the kitchen. "Could you answer that, please? My hands are in the dishwater!"

I huffed, eyeing Edward warily as I stood to walk to the front door. He followed me, and as I reached for the knob, he whispered, "It's probably my father."

"Why is your father here?" I whispered back.

"He drove me here. We were on our way to the market to get a few things my mother needed for the party," he explained in a rush. "But when I saw the newspaper, I had to come see you."

"He knows about the newspaper?" I hissed.

Edward rolled his eyes. "No, of course not. I just told him I needed to talk to you."

Before I could say anything else, Mr. Masen knocked again.

"Bella?" Maggie called from the kitchen.

"I got it!" I hollered back, pulling the door open and painting a smile on my face.

"Mr. Masen," I said brightly, once I saw Edward's father standing on the porch. He shifted uncomfortably from side to side, which I attributed to whatever had happened the night before that Edward still hadn't told me about. I flashed a glare at Edward, who flushed in embarrassment, before turning back to his father. "So nice to see you again," I said politely. "Would you like to come in?" I stood back from the door and Mr. Masen hesitated only briefly before stepping inside.

"Hello, Bella," he said in a low voice. "How are you feeling?"

Feeling? That was kind of a weird question.

"Um… I feel fine, I guess," I answered. "How are you?"

Mr. Masen nodded once. "Fine… fine, thank you." He turned to Edward. "We really need to be on our way. Your mother is waiting for us and we still need to get to the market." He turned to me. "We'll see you at the party, Bella?"

I smiled. "Yes, of course."

Mr. Masen cast an unreadable glance at Edward before stepping back onto the porch. Edward started to walk by me, but I grabbed his arm.

"What's going on?" I mouthed to him, hiding slightly behind the open door.

Edward's eyes shifted toward the open door quickly. "We'll talk about it later," he whispered. He leaned in to kiss my cheek softly before murmuring in my ear. "Everything is going to be fine, I promise."

He walked out and got into the car with his father, lifting his hand to wave as they drove off.

"What was that all about?" Maggie appeared in the kitchen doorway, wiping her hands on a dishtowel.

I continued to watch Edward's car disappear down the street.

"I have absolutely no idea," I replied.

x-x

Despite Edward's cryptic behavior, the fact that his parents had agreed to my plan – _our_ plan – relieved me enough that I was able to relax and take a nap before the birthday party. I couldn't believe it was all actually coming together. In a few weeks we'd really be married… and shortly after that we would be living on our own in Altoona.

Altoona.

Huh.

Altoooooooona.

I giggled. Maybe I still needed a little more sleep.

Since Edward had to be at his house to greet the party guests, and Samantha lived so near to him, Tom and I were riding the "L" to the party together. I dressed quickly, in my favorite white lace blouse and a dark blue skirt, tying my hair back loosely with a blue ribbon.

"You look lovely, Miss Swan," Tom said with a grin, extending his elbow.

"Why thank you, Mr. Jacobsen." I laughed, linking my arm with his. "You look mighty fine yourself."

The trip to Edward's house was uneventful. Tom and I chatted about Samantha and the wedding. I wanted to tell him about my upcoming nuptials as well, but knew Edward would want to wait until we made a formal announcement.

Announcement.

Crap. It would be today. At the birthday party.

Suddenly, my stomach was flip-flopping with apprehension. I hated being the center of attention.

"Bella? You all right?" Tom was eyeing me with concern as we walked down Edward's street.

I took a few deep breaths and pressed at the ring under my clothes to calm my nerves.

I could do this. It would be okay.

I smiled at Tom. "Sure. I'm fine. Just a little tired, I guess."

We walked up the front steps and Tom knocked on the door. I felt a twist of dread as Mrs. Masen opened the door. I mean, Edward had said they were okay with everything, but I couldn't help but worry that she would hate me for taking her son away.

"Bella! Darling!" she exclaimed, pulling me into a tight hug.

Okay, maybe she didn't hate me too much.

I wrapped my arms loosely around her waist. "Hello, Mrs. Masen."

She pulled back, rubbing my upper arms. "Oh, I think we're beyond that formality, dear. Call me Elizabeth." She glanced at Tom surreptitiously and leaned in to whisper in my ear. "Or Mother, if you prefer."

I choked slightly and she pulled me into the house. "Can I get you anything to drink, dear? Some tea, perhaps? Lemonade?"

I looked back at Tom, who was following us with a slightly confused look on his face.

 _Yeah. Me too._ I shrugged at him.

"No, thank you," I replied, turning back to Edward's mother as we walked through the house toward the back doors.

"How about something to eat? Are you hungry?"

"Ummm…. No, thank you," I said. "I'm good, really. Maybe I'll have something later."

She patted my arm distractedly. "Fine… fine… dear." We walked through a set of French doors in the sunroom onto the back patio. She scanned the yard and when she spotted Edward talking to a group of people, called out to him.

He looked up, smiling when he saw me, and walked quickly over to us.

"Take care of Bella, dear," Mrs. Masen told him. "Make sure she eats something, and don't let her overdo." She turned to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and squeezing lightly. "Have a wonderful time, dear." Her voice broke slightly, and I swore I saw tears in her eyes before she walked away.

I watched her in confusion for a moment, then turned to Edward. "What in the world-"

My question was interrupted as Samantha approached. "Bella! You made it!" She wrapped me in a tight hug.

I smiled back at her. "Of course I did. I had to make sure your fiancé got here in one piece."

Samantha laughed, linking her arm through Tom's and blushing as he planted a soft kiss on her cheek. "Well, you're just in time. I think the band is about to start playing."

I looked over and saw the group of men on a raised platform in the corner of the yard. The party was set up much like Samantha's, with tables circling the gardens. Instead of pink and white, the tables were decorated in shades of blue, with centerpieces of crystal vases holding dark blue pillar candles. The cake on the refreshment table was a simple rectangle, frosted in white with "Happy 17th Birthday, Edward!" piped in blue.

I desperately wanted to speak with Edward and find out what in the world was wrong with his parents, but of course, as the guest of honor, everyone wanted to talk to him. I stood by him, smiling and nodding as he introduced me to his guests. Some I already knew, like Hal and Al, from the track meet… I also recognized more than a few of the fangirls that had been fawning over him there, and made sure to grip his arm possessively when they were around.

Petty, I know. Didn't care.

_Mine._

I was pretty sure if I could have branded a big old B on his forehead, I would have.

Well, maybe not on his forehead, but you get the idea.

It was kind of weird. Mr. Masen would approach us every so often and ask if I wanted to sit down. Maybe I looked more tired than I thought. I assured him I was fine, yet he still continued to ask if I needed anything to eat or drink.

Edward's parents must have decided I was too skinny or something. I couldn't understand why they were so concerned about me eating.

Other than that, the party was a smash. The band played and people danced and Edward held my hand and overall, I was having a wonderful time. I smiled at him.

"No sack racing?" I teased.

Edward laughed. "No."

I squeezed his hand. "Ah. I see how it is. You were afraid I'd beat you."

Edward grinned at me. "I didn't think you'd want to go through another humiliating defeat," he explained. "I was trying to spare your feelings."

Mr. and Mrs. Masen walked up. "What are you two laughing about?" Mrs. Masen asked.

I shook my head in mock pity. "Oh, just discussing how Edward was afraid I'd beat him at sack racing."

"Sack racing?" Mrs. Masen seemed shocked. "Oh, there can't be any sack racing."

Edward rolled his eyes, "Mother…"

Mr. Masen interjected. "That hardly seems appropriate…"

His wife continued in a low, urgent voice, "…not in your condition…"

Suddenly, it all clicked. I actually heard the pieces fall into place.

_How are you feeling?_

Why Edward's parents were okay with a quick wedding.

_Make sure she eats something…_

Why they'd approve of us leaving Chicago.

_Don't let her overdo…_

Why Mrs. Masen would look at me with tears in her eyes.

… _in your condition…_

… _in your_ condition _…_

The words echoed in my ears and I gripped Edward's arm tightly. He winced at the pressure.

_That's right, pretty boy. You've got some explaining to do._

I turned to Mr. and Mrs. Masen. "Would you excuse us for a moment?" I asked through my teeth before addressing my fiancé. "Edward, a word, please?"

We turned and I practically dragged Edward toward the French doors.

"Bella, we can't go in there alone," he protested. "It's hardly appropriate."

I glared at him. " _Now_ you're worried about being appropriate?" I huffed angrily and pulled him through the door, shutting it, then moving into the sunroom, the windows giving us a clear view of the party, and vice versa.

"There, now everyone can see there's no hanky-panky going on," I muttered, my hands on my hips. "Not that it matters, because apparently, I'm already _knocked up_!"

Edward cringed a little. "Bella, I can explain. But please remember, people can see us." He tilted his head toward the party outside and I turned to see several people, including Mr. and Mrs. Masen, watching us closely.

I smiled and waved, speaking through my clenched teeth. "So explain, already. Why did you tell your parents I'm pregnant?"

Edward ran a hand through his hair. "I didn't. They just sort of assumed…"

My eyes flashed and I fought to maintain my smile. "And you let them assume," I said accusingly.

Edward's eyes narrowed in irritation. "Would you please just let me explain!" he growled before forcing a grin on his own face.

I huffed. "Sorry. Please. Explain." I waved a beckoning arm.

Edward walked over to the piano and sat down, patting the seat next to him. I sat down, keeping a respectable distance, well aware of the eyes trained on us.

"I wasn't exactly sure how to approach my parents about the whole situation," Edward began. "So I just told them straight out that I planned to marry you… that we were going to do it soon… and that we would be moving out of Chicago to start our lives together."

I nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"Well, as I expected, they were not pleased," he said with a wry smile. "They love you, don't get me wrong," he added in a rush, "and they were happy about the engagement. But when I told them we'd be married within the month, they wanted to know why."

He ran his fingers over the piano keys absently. "I told them we just didn't want to wait. That didn't exactly go over well."

I laughed humorlessly. "I can imagine."

"They wanted to know how I was going to support you. If I planned on leaving school without graduating. What about college? The questions just kept coming," he continued.

"I stood my ground," he said proudly. "I told them we were going to be married and move away, and they'd just have to accept it. I tried to soften the blow, saying that we'd be back in a few months. After the first of the year."

Realization flooded my senses and I closed my eyes, sighing heavily.

Edward chuckled. "That's about how my mother looked," he said. "She jumped to the conclusion that you were… we were… expecting a child. That we were going to get quietly married and leave town until after the baby was born.

"I was going to correct her," he said hastily, reading the accusation in my gaze, "but then I realized that this was perfect."

"Perfect?" I parroted. "Perfect how?"

Edward smiled, taking my hand. "Don't you see, Bella? They're happy about the wedding. They're supportive of the whole thing. We can leave Chicago and they won't fight it. They'll even come visit us. We'll all be out of the city for the epidemic."

I absorbed that for a moment, and I had to agree that it was a pretty good plan, except for one thing.

"But Edward, won't they get suspicious when I don't have a baby?" I asked, my eyebrows raised.

Edward's grin was devilish. "Well, we can get to work on that quickly," he murmured, his eyes flicking to my lips. "The timing might be a little off, but…" he shrugged and winked.

My stomach plummeted. "Edward, no."

"No?" His expression morphed from excitement to confusion.

I swallowed nervously. "No baby, please. Not until the epidemic is over," I pleaded. "I can't risk our child." I felt tears prick my eyes. "We can tell them it was a mistake, or that I lost the baby… but please, Edward, we need to wait until we come back to Chicago to have a child."

Edward reddened and looked back down at the piano keys. "Are you saying you don't want to… um… consummate our marriage until then?"

I laughed. "God, no!"

Edward sighed in relief. "Good. To be honest, I don't know if I could agree to that."

I smiled at him. "Believe me, neither could I."

"So then how…?" Edward's words trailed off as I gave him a significant look. "You mean?" He lowered his voice, even though nobody could hear him. "Bella, birth control is _illegal_."

"Are you going to turn me in?" I asked wryly. At Edward's sardonic look, I continued. "It's a ridiculous law, Edward. The government has no right to tell me… to tell us… what we can do with our bodies. Better to break a stupid law than to risk our child, don't you think?"

Edward's expression softened at the mention of our child. "I… suppose you're right," he said quietly. "But, is it safe?"

I reached out to touch his cheek. "Don't worry. I've got it all under control. Then, once we're back in Chicago, we can have as many babies as you want."

Edward's mouth lifted in a smirk. "Really?"

I arched a brow. "Well, within reason. I don't want to be barefoot and pregnant all of the time."

Edward flashed a quick glance out the window, then leaned in to kiss me softly. "I kind of like the sound of that."

I smacked him in the arm and he laughed, the previous tension dissipating.

"Well," I said finally. "We probably should get out there. Your mom is probably ready to cut the cake." I stood up, but Edward grabbed my hand.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" he asked, rubbing his thumb over my left ring finger.

I smiled and reached under my locket to unclasp the other chain around my neck. Sliding the ring off, I handed it to him. "Do you want to do the honors?"

Edward beamed and slipped the ring on my finger, kissing it softly. "Perfect," he said quietly, his green gaze intent on mine. "Don't ever take it off again, all right?"

"Never," I breathed, lost in the intensity surrounding us. He grabbed me suddenly, ducking behind a potted plant to kiss me hard… passionately… desperately. I sighed, my knees turning to jelly as my hands twisted in his hair. All too soon, he pulled back.

"We need to get back outside," he said in a raspy voice.

"Why?" I whined, leaning up to drag my lips across his jaw.

Edward chuckled. "Come on, Bella. We have an announcement to make." He gently tugged my arms from around his neck and took my hand as we walked into the back yard.

A rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday" greeted us as we emerged, and Edward's parents carried the cake toward him, seventeen candles flickering in the dimming light of dusk.

Edward smiled, leaning over to whisper to me, "I already got my wish," before blowing out the candles.

Edward's parents carried the cake back over to the table and his mother began slicing pieces, handing them out to the guests. The candles flickered on the tables as twilight descended and everyone sat down, laughing and listening to the music.

I saw Edward's father nod at him once, and Edward leaned down to me. "It's time," he murmured, squeezing my hand. We walked up to the band platform just as the song ended.

Edward cleared his throat. "I just want to thank everyone for coming," he said loudly. "It means a lot to me." His voice cracked slightly and I watched his Adam's apple bob nervously. He put up a brave front, but this was hard for him too.

"Happy birthday, Edward!" someone shouted. I think it was Hal… or Al… but everyone laughed.

"Thank you," Edward said, blushing. "I also have an announcement to make." He cleared his throat. "I am so pleased to inform you that Isabella Swan has agreed to be my wife." He looked down at me lovingly as a smattering of applause broke out. "We're getting married!" he exclaimed exuberantly.

The crowd moved toward the bandstand, shaking Edward's hand, patting his back… hugging me and kissing me on the cheek.

"Bella, I can't believe you didn't tell me!" Samantha said with mock outrage.

I smiled as she hugged me again. "Edward only told his parents last night," I explained.

"Well, do you know when? Have you set a date?" she asked eagerly. "Oh! We could have a double wedding!"

I glanced at Edward, then at the crowd surrounding us that was listening to the conversation.

"Ummm… I don't think that's going to be possible," I began.

Edward stepped in. "We'll be getting married within the month," he said matter-of-factly. "We have plans to move to Altoona by the end of the summer."

"Altoona?" Samantha repeated in confusion. "Why are you moving to Altoona?"

Edward tried to appear calm and collected, but I noticed a slight tremor in his hands. He didn't like to lie to Samantha.

"I have an uncle who lives near there," he explained. "He's going to help me find work, and I'll be able to finish school at the same time."

Samantha looked back and forth between Edward and me, and I felt the curious glances from the others… heard the whispered murmurs.

It wouldn't take long for the gossip to spread.

"But… why?" Samatha asked quietly.

"We'll be back for your wedding," I offered meekly, avoiding the suspicious glares I feared were focused on me.

Isabella Swan, the harlot who trapped Edward Masen, ruining his shining future.

"Of course we will," Edward said firmly, squeezing my hand and standing closer to me. His body radiated heat… love… support. I looked up to find him gazing down at me, his green eyes shining.

Suddenly, I didn't care what anybody else thought. The scandalous whispers didn't matter. The gossip over ladies' teas was irrelevant.

I'd won.

Edward would live. We'd be together. We'd get married… have children… grow old together. All the things I ever wanted.

Fate was giving me a second chance, and I wouldn't screw it up.

I smiled at him. He smiled at me.

And we faced our future together.

x-x

"It's not that funny, Carlisle," I muttered Monday night as I typed up laboratory notes.

Carlisle, however, was not working, but laughing his stupid vampire ass off.

"Seriously. Can you stop laughing?" I asked, irritated.

"I'm sorry," he chuckled. "But it is kind of humorous. You had to have imagined they would jump to that conclusion."

I sighed. "Well, in hindsight, I guess it was kind of understandable."

Carlisle wiped his hands over his face. "Well, you should be happy. You now have a perfectly reasonable explanation for leaving Chicago."

I shrugged. "I know. It's just hard lying to Edward's parents like that."

Carlisle nodded. "I suppose it's a case of the ends justifying the means."

I nodded. "Doesn't make it any easier, though."

"No, I imagine it doesn't," he said sympathetically.

I frowned at the typewriter and flopped back in my chair, glancing nervously at him in the chair next to me. "Can I ask you for another favor? Two, actually."

"Anything, Bella. You know that." Carlisle smiled kindly.

I bit my lip. "When we leave. I'll need to know what's happening here. When everything starts. Edward wants to invite his parents for a visit and hopefully minimize their exposure."

"You're saving them _all_ now?" Carlisle asked skeptically.

I shrugged. "I don't know, to be honest. But I can't not try. It would kill Edward to know we didn't even try."

Carlisle nodded. "I'll stay in contact," he promised. "You said two favors. What's the second?"

I hesitated. "Ummm… you can say no if you want. I won't be mad or anything."

Carlisle smirked. "This should be interesting. If you're going to ask if you can name your firstborn after me…"

I rolled my eyes. "No… not that." Carlisle laughed.

"I was just wondering if you would… walk me down the aisle?"

Carlisle blinked, obviously surprised at my request. "It's just that I don't have any family," I explained. "I mean, you're the closest thing to a family that I have here… well, you and Maggie, and I don't think she'd feel comfortable…"

"Bella," Carlisle interrupted, holding up a hand. "It would be my honor."

"Really?"

"Really."

I smiled. "Okay, then. Good. Thank you."

"Of course," he nodded. "You're more than welcome."

"You'll need someone strong after all," he added.

My brow wrinkled. "Excuse me?"

The corner of Carlisle's mouth lifted. "Well, to hold you up in case you swoon… you know… a woman in your condition…"

He started laughing again, and I smacked him hard on the back of his rock hard head.

Too hard.

Then I cursed like a sailor, hoping I hadn't broken my hand, Carlisle's howling making me smile in spite of myself.


	27. Of Tombs and Tea Parties

  


_Couch Tomb, 1911_

" _ **The touch of an infinite mystery passes over the trivial and the familiar, making it break out into ineffable music... The trees, the stars, and the blue hills ache with a meaning which can never be uttered in words."**_

_**\- Rabindranath Tagore, Indian Poet, Playwright and Essayist** _

**Chapter 26 – Of Tombs and Tea Parties**

I was wound up so tightly, I was afraid I would explode at any moment. I didn't see how anyone could blame me, really. On top of my worries about the future, saving Edward, and the fate of the world in general (perhaps a little over-dramatic, but it did cross my mind more than occasionally), I was also planning my wedding. Well, in reality I was battling the nerves in my stomach as Mrs. Masen and Samantha planned my wedding.

I really didn't mind. I actually had no idea how to go about it, and – to their credit – they were both very patient and solicited my honest opinions frequently.

The thing was; I didn't really care.

I'm not talking about the wedding so much as all the details.

_Tulips or roses?_

_Salmon or chicken?_

_Blush or pink?_ (What in the world was the difference, anyway?)

It just didn't really matter to me. All I really cared about was who'd be waiting for me at the end of that long aisle.

Edward.

Which led my thoughts again to the third reason I'd been so tense lately.

Edward continued to touch and kiss me, but we'd had little to no time actually alone together in a private place. So, to my increasing frustration, the touches were fleeting, the kisses were brief – if intense – and the torment was sweet and aching.

Only the night before, Edward had caught me in the upstairs hallway at the boarding house on the premise of needing to use the facilities. He had said nothing, just pressed his hard length against me before his relentless mouth assaulted mine, eliciting a whimper and a moan – one from me, the other from him. My hands fluttered from his hair… to his shoulders… down to his ass… unable to determine which they wanted to feel more.

My poor hands.

No one should have to make such a choice.

We were silent, aware of the others in the house… the only sounds the quiet brushing of his fingers over my blouse… the gentle licking of his tongue on my skin… and our heated breaths mingling between our bodies. Then, all too soon, he pulled back, his eyes clenched shut and his fingers gripping my hips almost painfully.

"We have to stop," he whispered in a gravelly voice.

I nodded, unable to speak.

He kissed me once again before turning to walk into the bathroom. I collapsed against the wall, willing my heart to slow its pounding and wishing I could lift my skirt to dry the dampness between my legs.

The foreplay was killing me. Hours of it. Days of it. Weeks and weeks of it.

That night I'd tossed and turned, replaying the kisses and touches behind my closed eyes. I'd finally given in and slid my hands up underneath my nightgown, succumbing to the need to give myself some kind of relief. I imagined that Edward's hands were the ones stroking me… his tongue in my mouth… his hardness gliding inside of me. In a matter of moments I was writhing on the bed, the sheets twisted around my legs as I moaned my release.

It wasn't the first time I'd resorted to self-love after Edward had gotten me all worked up. And with the wedding still weeks away, I was sure it wouldn't be the last. I wondered if Edward was using similar tactics to deal with his sexual frustration. I couldn't decide if I wanted the answer to be yes or no.

On the one hand – so to speak – I would be a little jealous of… well… his hand.

On the other, weeks of pent up sexual need with no release did not bode well for a satisfying wedding night… at least on my end.

So yeah. I was kind of hoping he was taking care of business himself. And that realization brought with it a rather hot picture of Edward that had me squirming in my chair.

"Bella? Are you listening to me?" Samantha's voice prodded me out of my sexually-charged thoughts. I was at Edward's house going over wedding preparations with her and Mrs. Masen. I'd asked Samantha to be my maid of honor. She'd agreed quickly and was taking the responsibility very seriously. Edward had conveniently disappeared with his father, saying he had things to take care of.

_Chicken._

I smiled at Samantha. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm a little distracted."

Edward's mother patted my hand. "It's the bride's prerogative to be a bit preoccupied, dear."

Samantha rolled her eyes. "Maybe so, but we need to decide on a color scheme before we can order the flowers. You and Edward haven't given us much time to plan this wedding, you know."

Mrs. Masen aimed a pointed look Samantha's way, and she flushed slightly, looking down at her checklist. I knew they were thinking about why the wedding would be so soon, and I tried to pretend I didn't notice. Everyone tiptoed around my supposed pregnancy, no one addressing it directly. They fussed over me though, making sure I didn't get overtired… and always trying to get me to eat. I felt guilty about the lie, but didn't really see a way around it.

"I think… blush," I said finally. "Definitely blush."

Samantha beamed. "Excellent choice." She turned to Mrs. Masen. "So, we'll use the blush roses… maybe with some white mixed in… and baby's breath, of course."

"Of course," Mrs. Masen agreed.

"I already have a dress that's the perfect color, so that's one less thing to worry about," Samantha added distractedly, checking an item off her list. "Which leads us to the bridal gown." She looked up at me expectantly.

I shrugged. "I figured I'd just wear my tea dress."

When I saw the shocked expressions on both of their faces, I realized that was not the correct answer.

"You have to have a bridal gown, Bella," Samantha said reproachfully.

"Absolutely," Edward's mother agreed. "There's no time to get one made, I'm afraid, but I'm certain we can find something appropriate at Marshall Field's. We'll have to select it soon so it can be fitted."

"This afternoon?" Samantha asked.

Mrs. Masen nodded. "We were going to meet with Reverend Hargrove, but I think this will need to take priority. I'll telephone the Reverend and reschedule.

I just smiled and did what I was told.

The shopping trip was a whirlwind that would have even put Alice to shame. Mrs. Masen and Samantha took a divide and conquer approach, bringing armloads of gowns to me in the small dressing room. I tried on dress after dress, feeling like I was drowning in silk and satin. I found – to my surprise – that my wedding gown was one thing that I had an opinion about… a very strong opinion, it turned out.

"It's perfect," Mrs. Masen enthused as I frowned at myself in the three-way mirror.

"It seems a bit… much," I said doubtfully. The dress was heavy ivory satin, high-necked with a lace overlay and mutton-chop sleeves. The skirt sparkled with beading, a long train just begging me to trip and fall on my walk down the aisle.

"You're right," Samantha agreed. "It's a little overwhelming. I think perhaps you need something a little lighter… a little simpler."

I smiled. "Yes… simpler. I want something simple. I need something I can walk in… and dance in." I turned around as the salesgirl began to unbutton the back of the satin dress. "Plus the wedding's in the middle of July. It's going to be hot."

Mrs. Masen tapped on her lips thoughtfully, then addressed the salesgirl as I closed the dressing room door to step out of the gown. "Perhaps satin is not the best choice. Do you have anything with short sleeves? Something that would be more comfortable for a summer wedding?"

I sat on a low bench in the dressing room, fanning myself with my hand. I didn't want to be picky – especially since Edward's parents were picking up much of the tab for the wedding – but I really wanted a dress I could feel comfortable in.

After a few minutes, the salesgirl knocked on the door. I opened it to let her in and she smiled. "I think this might be more to your liking," she said, holding it out to me.

Before I even tried it on, I knew it was perfect. The salesgirl helped me into the silk dress, and I was already smiling as she buttoned up the back. I opened the dressing room door and stepped out to the mirrors.

The dress was white silk, covered with light and airy tulle and lace, draped in flattering layers. It was sleeveless, with a low scooped neckline and a satin ribbon at the waist. Simple, but beautiful.

  


"What do you think?" I asked Samantha and Mrs. Masen, hoping they'd love it as much as I did.

Their smiles gave me all the answer I needed.

The rest of the afternoon was a flurry of shops and decisions. Despite Mrs. Masen's arguments, I bought my wedding gown myself, as well as some pretty shoes that Samantha deemed "utter perfection." I really didn't want to wear a veil, but apparently, that would be declaring to the world I was a harlot of the highest degree, so I gave in on that one. Mrs. Masen smiled, signing the bill for the square of lace with a flourish.

Then it was to the bakery to order a three-tier cake… to the florist to make sure the required amount of blush roses and baby's breath would be available… and to the restaurant that would be catering the reception, where Mrs. Masen ensured there would be enough folding chairs for the guests, and that the canapés would be fresh and the champagne chilled. I tried several times to assure her that I didn't need a fancy wedding, and that something simple would suffice, but Mrs. Masen just waved off my protests and kept on placing orders.

I was glad that it wasn't taboo for pregnant women to drink alcohol yet… because I was definitely going to be needing some of that champagne.

We returned to Edward's house to find him sitting on the porch swing, obviously waiting for us. He stood, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Hello, ladies," he said with a grin. "How was your afternoon?"

Edward's mother walked up briskly, popping up on her toes to kiss her son on the cheek. "So much to do, darling. So much to do," she muttered, consulting her ever present checklist again. "Edward, be a dear and run Samantha and Bella home, won't you? I need to make a few telephone calls."

Edward nodded. "Of course, Mother."

Mrs. Masen smiled and kissed Samantha and me both on the cheeks before saying goodbye. Edward held the door as Samantha climbed in the backseat of his car and I slid into the front.

Samantha continued to bubble with excitement. "We still have to talk about the bridal shower, Bella."

The shower made me nervous. In reality, I only had a handful of true friends in Chicago, and I really didn't want a big party that would just serve to fuel more gossip among the society types.

"Maybe something small?" I offered. "My friend, Eleanor, would really like to host it at her house. She suggested a bridal tea?" I actually liked the idea of a tea… and little sandwiches… and more of those yummy scones.

Samantha bit her lip. "Eleanor Donahue?" she asked hesitantly. I noticed Edward squirming in his seat a little, his jaw clenching. He no longer criticized Eleanor in front of me, but I bore no illusion that he approved of her, or of our friendship.

I turned back to Samantha. "Yes. Eleanor Donahue. Is there a problem?" I asked, with a slightly stubborn tilt to my chin.

Samantha reddened. "No… no, not really. I know she's your friend, Bella." She hesitated. "It's just that she has a bit of a… reputation."

I scoffed, thinking about my current position in the rumor mill. "Well, apparently, she's not the only one," I muttered. Edward choked slightly.

Samantha continued, "It's just that some of the ladies may not feel… _comfortable_ in Mrs. Donahue's home."

I gave Samantha a level look. "If any of the so-called _ladies_ have a problem with Eleanor, they aren't true friends of mine and I don't want them there."

Samantha squared her shoulders. "You're absolutely right. It's your party, and you should have it where you like," she said firmly. "I'll need Mrs. Donahue's telephone number so I can contact her and we can begin planning and sending out the invitations. Do you have a preference for the date?"

I grinned. "Nope. Just let me know and I'll be there."

We dropped Samantha off and Edward was silent as we continued toward the boarding house.

"What?" I asked.

Edward shot me a glance. "Nothing. Just thinking."

I smirked. "About…?"

He smiled at me. "You're a good friend, Bella." At my surprised look, he continued, "I was quite ready to believe the rumors about Mrs. Donahue myself… to make judgments based on gossip, rather than facts or my own observations.

"But once I found us the target of such rumors, I guess I began to re-think my beliefs," he added.

I nodded. "It's not a good feeling."

The corner of Edward's mouth lifted wryly. "No, it's not. But you're right in that true friends will support you regardless. I guess I'm beginning to see that."

I took Edward's hand and squeezed it gently, then realized as I turned to look out the windshield that we were nowhere near the boarding house. Instead, we were pulling to the curb by Lincoln Park.

"Edward, what are we doing?"

He leaned over to kiss me gently. "We've had so little time alone together, I thought we could take a walk."

We got out of the car, and Edward extended his elbow to me with a grin. I looped my hand through his arm, and we walked quietly along a gravel trail as the sun moved toward the horizon.

"I received a telegram from my uncle today," he told me.

"Oh?"

Edward nodded. "He spoke with the manager of the tire company in Eau Claire. I can start work there as soon as we can move."

"What about school?" I asked. Like his parents, I was concerned that Edward wouldn't finish high school, let alone college.

He smiled. "That's what my father and I were dealing with today. He is friends with the principal at my school, and since school is out for the summer, we went to his home to talk about my plans. I learned that with the advanced courses I've been taking, I'm only in need of two classes to graduate.

"I can take those courses in the mornings in Altoona, and work at the factory in the afternoons. I'll be able to graduate by January, then I'll be able to apply for admission to college – either in Wisconsin, or back here in Chicago."

"That's wonderful, Edward." I squeezed his arm. "I can help, of course. I don't want you to work yourself to exhaustion while you're trying to finish school."

He kissed my forehead. "It will all be worth it if we're together. That's the greatest help there is."

I smiled up at him. "I mean it, Edward. I can get a job too. I want to do my part."

Edward frowned. "A job? No… there's no need for that."

I laughed. "You don't honestly expect me to stay home all day doing nothing."

Edward pulled me to the side to avoid a large rock in the path. "Well, of course not. I assume you'll manage the household duties."

I bristled slightly, but tried to stay calm. "Household duties? You mean cooking and cleaning."

"Well, yes," Edward agreed, "and once we have children, there will be more to do."

I nodded. "Children will be a lot of work, of course. But there's still quite a bit of time before we have to worry about that. In the meantime, cooking and cleaning are not going to fill up my days."

Edward's eyes grew dark. "Bella, you are _not_ going to get a job."

I stopped on the path, pulling my arm from his and turning to face him. "And why not?"

"No wife of mine…" he began.

"Oh, here we go," I interrupted, throwing my hands in the air.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath before continuing. "Bella, I am more than capable of providing for you. There is no need for you to work."

"But I can help," I argued.

"There's no need," he stated again flatly. We glared at each other for a moment, then Edward's eyes softened. "If you like, you could look into some charity work to occupy your time."

"Oh, could I?" I asked sarcastically.

"Bella, please don't be difficult," he gritted.

"I just don't understand why charity work is okay, but an actual job isn't," I replied. "I just want to be of use, Edward."

He reached out to stroke my cheek. "Please try to appreciate my position, Bella. It's important to me that I am able to take care of you. Can't you understand that?"

I looked up into his earnest green eyes and tried to set aside my twenty-first century ideals. I _could_ understand. Edward's opinion was not old-fashioned, or sexist… it was just… typical of this time. I needed to be patient and remember the reason I was there in the first place.

"I'll try… to understand," I said finally. "Can you, at least, think about what I've said as well?"

Edward smiled. "I think I can do that." He bent down to kiss me. "See? Our first argument and it went relatively well, don't you think?"

I laughed. "Edward, that was hardly our first argument." We resumed walking and Edward took my hand.

"Well, our first argument as an engaged couple, at least," he corrected. "I think it bodes well for the marriage that we can compromise so well."

I rolled my eyes, and something caught my attention at the end of the path. "What's that?" I asked, pointing to the low stone building I could make out between the trees.

Edward lowered his voice. "Oh, that's the Couch Tomb."

"Tomb?" I repeated. "In the middle of a park?"

Edward chuckled. "Well, Lincoln Park used to be a cemetery, years ago. All of the bodies were removed. The tomb is all that's left from those days."

We drew nearer to the tomb and I looked up to see the word "Couch" carved in the stone above the massive door. "Is there actually a body in there?" I asked quietly. The sun was setting, and in the dimming light I felt a shiver run down my spine.

I saw Edward smirk out of the corner of my eye. "Several, most likely," he said in a low, creepy voice. "The tomb was designed for eleven, I believe, although no one's sure exactly how many bodies are inside." He leaned down to murmur in my ear. "Scared?"

I elbowed him lightly. "No." Although I kind of was… a little.

He ran his lips over my ear, nibbling lightly. "I'll protect you," he said in a low voice.

I shivered again. This time it had nothing to do with the tomb. The sun dipped below the horizon, and the lamp posts along the walkway slowly glowed to life. I turned to face Edward. The light cast angular shadows across his face and once again I found myself marveling at how incredibly beautiful he was. He looked over his shoulder, then grabbed my hand to pull me around the far side of the tomb. He stopped once we were between the thick trunks of two trees, hidden from the pedestrian path.

He pulled me against his chest, lowering his mouth to mine with no question… no warning. Flames sizzled along my skin everywhere he touched… my hands… my face… then he slid his hands down my back, pulling my blouse free from the waistband of my skirt. His fingers slid underneath, brushing against my chemise, then once again, tugging upward until he could stroke my bare skin.

He groaned, breaking our kiss and breathing heavily. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" he murmured, his hands gently caressing my back in circles. They drifted up my spine together, then apart and back down along my sides before beginning the torturous circuit again.

"Edward… please…" I whispered… begging for more.

His hands froze at my waist, his thumbs rubbing gently above my hips. Then, slowly, they drifted up between us.

"Bella," he moaned, his eyes clenched shut as the backs of his fingers stroked up my ribs. I held my breath as I felt each knuckle graze my skin, finally brushing lightly against my nipples.

"God… Edward…" I arched back, my head resting on the tree behind me as Edward's hands finally cupped my breasts, squeezing them gently and circling my pebbled nipples with his thumbs.

It felt amazing. I never wanted him to stop.

He leaned down and his tongue flicked out against my throat as he continued fondling me, trailing light kisses up behind my ear and back down again. The air between us was thick and hot… below the waist we were pressed together intimately. I felt his hips shift forward, thrusting slightly and I arched even further against him, eliciting another groan from Edward. I was wearing one of my fuller skirts, enabling me to lift my leg slightly and wrap it around Edward's calf. Edward thrusted again, and with the change in position, he hit me in just the right spot, forcing a broken cry from my lips.

"You feel so good," he growled.

I reached up to grab his hair, tugging it gently as I bit his lower lip. Edward grunted, then kissed me hard, alternately plunging his tongue forward, then sucking on mine. All the while he kept up his delicious torture of my breasts, squeezing and rolling my sensitive flesh between his fingers… and we ground against each other… seeking more… more… more…

"Is someone there?" A loud voice from the other side of the tomb called out. We both froze, panting and hot… dazed and slowly coming to the realization of where we were… and that we were not alone.

A throat cleared. "This is the police. If there is someone there, you need to come out in the open!" he shouted.

 _Terrific._ The vice squad. Did they have vice squads in 1918?

"Stay here," Edward whispered. I grabbed his hand to stop him, not wanting him to take the fall on his own.

God, I sounded like an old movie… or I guess it would be a new movie… or a movie that would be made someday. _Whatever._

Edward just rolled his eyes. "I'll be fine," he said in a low voice. "Just stay here."

I bit my lip and nodded, quickly tucking in my blouse. Edward walked around the tomb and I heard him speaking with the police officer, although I couldn't make out what they were saying. I edged to the corner of the tomb, my back flat against the cold stone as I tried to listen to their conversation.

I stepped on a twig and it cracked loudly.

_Shit!_

I froze, willing the voices that had suddenly quieted to begin speaking again.

 _It's nothing. You didn't hear anything. There's no horny girlfriend hiding around the corner._ I closed my eyes, wishing for obscurity, mumbling quietly to myself. When the silence continued, I opened my eyes to find a uniformed police officer standing in front of me, tapping his billy club against his open palm. Edward stood slightly behind him, one arm across his chest, the other pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Everything all right, Miss?" the officer asked me, his lips twitching slightly.

I stood up quickly, pushing away from the stone wall.

"Of course," I said brightly. "I was just… looking for my hair ribbon," I lied, scanning the ground in front of me. "I guess the wind grabbed it," I babbled, "I don't see it here."

The police officer nodded indulgently and I saw Edward shaking his head.

"You mean this hair ribbon?" the officer asked, reaching out to touch the blue ribbon tied around my low ponytail.

My hand flew up, touching the ribbon. "Well, what do you know?" I said, widening my eyes in surprise. "I was sure it had fallen out. Edward, will you look at that? My ribbon was in my hair the whole time!"

Edward just rubbed a hand over his face.

"Well, thank you, Officer," I said with a wide smile. "You certainly have saved the day." I walked out of the shadow of the trees, stepping carefully around the policeman. "I guess we can go home now."

"That would probably be best," he said with a nod.

I linked my arm with Edward's and we walked away quickly, not saying a word. I glanced over my shoulder to see another officer approach the policeman who had found us. They looked in our direction and I snapped my head back around. We quickened our steps as loud laughter erupted behind us.

I slid a sideways glance at Edward to find he was doing the same to me. We both giggled.

"I don't know if I can make it three weeks," I told him honestly.

"Two weeks, six days, sixteen hours and…" Edward consulted his pocket watch. "…twenty-three minutes, give or take," he corrected.

"But who's counting, right?" I asked wryly.

Edward chuckled and pulled me close to him, wrapping his arm around my waist and kissing the top of my head. "We'll make it," he said against my hair. "And I promise you, it will be worth it."

I leaned into him and closed my eyes with a smile. "I'm counting on it."

The two weeks before the wedding were busy ones. Edward hadn't fought me when I said I wanted to continue working at the hospital until we moved, but I found myself wishing that he'd been less agreeable.

The truth was, I was exhausted.

Between working nights at the hospital, and dealing with wedding plans during the day, I had very little time for sleep. Although he never admitted it to me, I had a feeling that Edward eventually intervened, telling his mother and Samantha to back off. They'd taken to calling me only in the late afternoons as I got ready for work… and scheduled fittings and tastings and all kinds of other –ings for my days off.

My time at the hospital left me feeling drained, and a little sad. As the wedding and our impending departure drew nearer, I began to realize how much I was going to miss Carlisle. He was the only person who knew the truth about me – well, at least more of the truth than anyone else did – and I'd come to rely on his dry humor and unwavering support.

Amidst all of my experiences since coming to Chicago, one of the most precious to me was being able to get to know Carlisle… a good man, a compassionate doctor… a treasured friend.

I hoped that I would be able to see him again before he left Chicago for Esme.

"Dr. Cullen? There's an emergency." A nurse had appeared in Carlisle's office doorway, drawing me from my somber thoughts.

"What kind of emergency?" Carlisle asked as he moved quickly to and through the door. I followed behind the two of them.

"A beating," the nurse said. "It happened on the 'L'. Multiple lacerations. Broken ribs. Possible internal bleeding."

Carlisle nodded stiffly as we quickly made our way down the stairs and into the ward.

A police officer stood across the room between two of the exam tables. A middle-aged man with black hair and a bleeding cut over his eye sat on one table. On the other lay an African American man, blood pouring from cuts on his face, his body curled up in pain, and he moaned quietly.

I gasped and stopped abruptly at the sight. Carlisle just shot me a glance.

"Bella, I think we're going to need your help."

I nodded and walked over to join Carlisle, swallowing down the nausea in my stomach. Carlisle approached the moaning man.

"You're not going to treat him first, surely," the other man sneered, his voice thick with an Irish brogue.

Carlisle didn't look up from his examination. "He's the more seriously injured of the two of you."

The man scoffed and addressed the police officer. "Can you believe that, Paddy?"

The policeman took a step toward Carlisle. "Doc, I think you'll be needing to see my friend Bryan here first," he said, his brogue just as pronounced. "I think that cut might be needing some stitches."

Carlisle looked up in irritation. "This man has at least four broken ribs and possible internal bleeding. That takes precedence over stitches," he said shortly. He looked up at the nurse, who was standing a few feet away, looking back and forth between the two injured men.

"Violet?" he called. She looked at him with wide, fearful eyes and Carlisle huffed in frustration, "Clean up Mr… Bryan's injury, please." He turned to me. "Bella. Move to the other side of the table. I need you."

"Sir," he addressed the man on the table. "Can you hear me? What's your name?"

The man opened the one eye that wasn't swollen shut. "Abraham… Abraham Densford," he mumbled.

Carlisle prodded lightly at the man's ribs. "Well, Mr. Densford, you're quite a mess, I'm afraid," Carlisle murmured. "Can you tell me what happened?"

The man shot a glance toward the police officer before replying quietly, "Nothing."

"Mm hmmm," Carlisle acknowledged. "Well, I'm going to get your injuries cleaned up. It's possible that you may have some bleeding in your stomach. You'll need to stay here for a while so I can monitor your condition. If the bleeding gets worse, I may have to operate."

"I… uh…" Abraham stammered, "I don't have that kind of money."

"'Course he doesn't," muttered Bryan. Paddy, the police officer, chuckled wryly.

Carlisle nodded kindly. "No need to worry about that now," he said. "This hospital is open to whoever needs treatment."

Carlisle turned to me. "Bella, get some towels and warm water and clean Mr. Densford's wounds, please. We'll need to find him a bed."

I nodded and gathered the supplies I'd need from one of the cabinets, watching out of the corner of my eye as Carlisle approached the other two men.

"That man was severely beaten," he said angrily. "How did it happen?"

Bryan shrugged. "Maybe he fell."

Carlisle glared at him, then turned to Officer Paddy. "Aren't you going to do something about this?"

The two men stared at each other for a moment before Paddy replied. "There's been no complaint."

Carlisle spoke through clenched teeth. "Of course there hasn't, but any idiot can see what's happened here."

Paddy bristled. "Are you calling me an idiot, Doc?"

Carlisle just glared at the two men, then began stitching up Bryan's eye. I was pretty sure he wasn't being particularly gentle about it.

I pressed a damp cloth to Abraham's forehead, cleaning away the dried blood. He winced.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'll try to be gentle."

The corner of his mouth lifted slightly. "Don't worry about me, ma'am."

I glanced back up at the other table briefly. "Did that man beat you up?" I asked quietly.

His good eye flickered to mine before fluttering closed in acknowledgement.

"Why?"

A low chuckle rumbled in his chest. "Don't need a reason. I'm here."

"And you shouldn't be," Bryan yelled from the other table. "Why don't you go back where ya' came from?"

"That's enough!" Carlisle growled.

"Coming into my town… taking our jobs!" Bryan ranted.

"I said that's enough!" Carlisle shouted. I gaped at him. His teeth were bared in a near snarl and his fists were clenched tightly. Bryan blanched slightly, and thankfully shut up.

The police officer, however, did not.

"Now, Doc, you know Bryan has a right to be angry." He indicated Abraham with a scornful tilt of the head. "With his kind moving in like rats and taking all the jobs…"

I unconsciously walked toward the blabbering policeman, clutching the damp rag in my whitened fingers.

"…moving into our neighborhoods…"

Carlisle interrupted, "I wasn't aware anyone owned the neighborhoods."

"Of course we do!" Paddy shouted. I took a few steps closer, feeling anger bubble in my stomach. "We've earned it with our blood and our sweat. Then to lose it all to a bunch of bloody ni–"

The rant was cut off abruptly by a slap to Officer Paddy's face. It took a moment for me to realize that I was the one behind the slapping. Everyone was staring at me, and I gazed blankly at the palm of my hand, reddened from the impact against the police officer's jaw.

Paddy gripped his cheek, glaring at me. "You… you…" he stammered. "You're under arrest!"

I blanched. I hadn't really thought this whole slapping thing through. _Didn't this happen to Zsa Zsa Gabor? Shit!_

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Carlisle asked calmly, finishing up the stitches over Bryan's eye. "Do you really want to have to explain how a slip of a girl managed to assault a police officer?"

I took a little offense at the "slip of a girl" comment, but let it slide because I really hoped Carlisle was going to keep me out of jail.

Paddy considered that, rubbing his jaw. "Well, she should be fired!" he exclaimed.

"I hardly think that's necessary," Carlisle argued.

"No," I interrupted, not wanting to cause any problems for Carlisle or the hospital. "He's right, Car… Dr. Cullen. I should be fired. I am fired."

Paddy glared at me, but when Carlisle agreed to my firing, he seemed satisfied.

It took the better part of an hour to get Bryan-the-racist and Officer Paddy-bigot out of the hospital. Abraham was lying in a bed resting comfortably when Carlisle and I took a break in his office.

"Will he be all right?" I asked.

Carlisle nodded. "It looks like the bleeding's stopped. We'll keep him here overnight. If things look good in the morning, I can tape up his ribs and he'll be able to go home."

We were both silent for a moment.

"Do things like this happen often?" I asked.

Carlisle sighed. "Not so much in this part of the city. The… tension between the races is much worse in South Chicago. Many of the neighborhoods there are predominately Irish, but with all that's happening in the south… the lynchings… the violence… many families have moved to northern cities like Chicago in search of a better life. Not all of the people that were here first are too happy about it," he said wryly.

"Does it get better?" he asked me, his golden eyes weary.

A flash of images raced through my mind, like a newsreel of the coming years: civil rights marches, elections, wars, violence, terrorism, tears, hugs, smiles, laughter. What could I tell him?

Finally, I decided on the truth. "In some ways, yes, it gets better. But people still hurt each other. People still hate each other." I exhaled heavily. "Still, there's more good in the world than bad," I told him. "I think there's more love than hate."

Carlisle smiled slightly. "Well, that's something, isn't it?" His smile grew and he chuckled. "I can't believe you attacked a police officer."

I arched a brow. "Well, they've been getting on my nerves lately."

"So you're really leaving? The hospital, I mean?"

I nodded. "I think it's time, Carlisle. I have so much to do to get ready for the wedding… and moving to Altoona. I think it's best if I go."

Carlisle rested his chin on his folded fingertips. "Well, we're certainly going to miss you around here," he said.

I looked into his amber eyes and fought back tears. "We're certainly going to miss you, too."

The bridal tea was scheduled for the Saturday before the wedding. Samantha and Eleanor planned it all, and I had to say they did a fabulous job. As I suspected, a few of the society types decided not to attend. We didn't miss them at all. My closest friends were there: Maggie, Liza, and Samantha, as well as Mrs. Masen and Mrs. Swenson and a few of their close friends. A few of the nurses from the hospital came… and of course Eleanor was there in all her splendor.

She greeted me at the door in a vibrant teal satin gown, wearing a matching hat with a sweeping peacock feather that tickled her chin. I was surprised she opened the door herself. She told me it was the butler's day off.

"Ladies only," she said with a wink.

Samantha was putting the final touches on the tables and looked up as we walked into Eleanor's beautiful gardens. Although I had been to Eleanor's home a few times, I'd only viewed the gardens through the windows in the sitting room. It shouldn't have surprised me that they were as lavish and beautiful as everything Eleanor owned.

The sun shone brightly… warm, but not overly so… and I squinted slightly as my eyes played over the scenery. I inhaled deeply, enjoying the sweet fragrance that hung in the air.

Roses.

Acres and acres of roses.

Eleanor's garden was a rose-lover's dream. A well trimmed lawn stretched before me, highlighted by a few meandering gravel paths that twisted in and around plots alive with riotous color. In the distance I noticed a large three-tier fountain gurgling quietly below an archway almost bowing under blossoms of yellow and orange. Although the garden was huge, strategically placed statues, columns, and topiaries gave it a private feel, almost like a hideaway among the fragrant blooms.

The tables scattered across the lawn were set simply, with white linen and china. A low crystal bowl sat in the center of each, with a few blossoms and loose petals floating in water. The centerpieces managed to accent, but not overpower the beauty of our surroundings.

"So, what do you think?" Samantha asked brightly, watching me carefully for my reaction.

I smiled and hugged them both tightly. "It's absolutely amazing. I can't imagine the wedding can measure up to what you've done here!" I said enthusiastically.

Samantha pulled back and frowned. "Now, don't say that. The wedding will be perfect, you'll see."

I nodded nervously. "I know. I can't thank you enough…"

Samantha waved a hand in dismissal. "No need for that," she said, adding with a grin, "besides, it'll be your turn soon enough. And I expect a fabulous bridal tea next summer."

I laughed, but my stomach flipped a little at the thought of Samantha's wedding. I said a silent prayer that her wishes would come true.

I set my purse on one of the tables. "So, is there anything I can do to help?"

Eleanor shook her head. "Psh. You're the bride-to-be," she said, taking my arm and leading me to the refreshment table to pour me a cup of punch. "The guests will begin arriving shortly. You should just relax until then. Everything's under control."

An hour later we were nibbling little sandwiches and drinking tea with my friends. Everyone was laughing and seemed to be enjoying themselves. Of course, by my particular request, Eleanor had her chef prepare those amazing scones with the cream and raspberry jam.

I could live on those scones.

Sure, I'd weigh about three hundred pounds, but I'd be happy.

I eyed with curiosity and a little worry the stack of brightly wrapped gifts on one of the tables. I knew that in my time shower gifts sometimes bordered on the risqué… or even crossed the line into raunchy. I wasn't sure what the 1918 equivalent of a vibrator was, but I was pretty sure I didn't want to open it in front of Edward's mother.

Fortunately, once I sat down to open the gifts with everyone facing me in a half-circle, I found the gifts were all of the practical variety. I received cooking bowls, pots and pans, measuring spoons, towels and sheets. I got a coffeepot from Maggie, which made me smile. Edward's mother gave me a lovely punch bowl that she told me had belonged to her great-grandmother. I gasped when I opened the gift from Samantha and her mother: A set of sterling silver hair combs set with pale pink crystals.

  


"They're for your veil," Samantha explained.

I felt tears prick my eyes. "You shouldn't have. You've done so much already… I wasn't expecting…"

Samantha just shot up and wrapped me in a hug. "We wanted to. I hope you like them."

I hugged her back. "I love them… thank you." I smiled at Mrs. Swenson. "Thank you both."

"Enough of that," Eleanor said brusquely, brushing at her own eyes. "You have one more gift."

She handed me a large flat box with a wink. "I hope you'll find this one useful."

I tore at the pink wrapping carefully and lifted the lid, then the layers of delicate tissue. I pulled out a pile of soft fabric, shaking it gently.

It was a nightgown made of pale pink silk chiffon, with pleats down the bodice and a satin ribbon sash that was pink on one side and blue on the other. Here and there the silk was interrupted by panels of delicate lace and silk ribbon rosebuds.

The nightgown was beautiful… and very, _very_ see-through. A blush rose on my cheeks as the women around me collectively gasped.

I wondered if it was too shocking… too revealing. I sat, holding the gown, unable to move as the silence echoed around me.

Finally, I snapped into action. I wasn't going to let Eleanor feel bad about such a beautiful gift. I turned to smile at her.

"I love it," I said sincerely. "It's absolutely perfect."

Eleanor beamed, and I was aware of several of the ladies shifting in their seats.

Maggie stood and walked over to me. "May I see it?" she asked quietly. I handed her the nightgown and she held it up in front of her.

"To be sure, it's a fine nightgown," she said with a twinkle in her eye. "And I'll imagine your Edward will enjoy it immensely."

A titter broke out in the group, and suddenly I was surrounded by women who all wanted to admire the nightgown and make their own bawdy comments.

"It's got a satin drawstring on the neckline…"

"That won't stay tied for long…"

"And look at the fabric… it's so soft and sheer…

"Your young man won't be able to keep his hands to himself…"

"My dear Henry, God rest his soul, used to say unwrapping the gift can be as much fun as the gift itself." Maggie's comment sparked a whole new round of giggles.

So much for prim and proper. It turns out women in 1918 were just as raunchy as the rest of us.

They just needed a little more encouragement to let it show.

An hour later, as the last of the guests departed, Eleanor pulled me into her library.

"I have one more thing for you," she said, rummaging in a drawer in her desk. She pulled out a small box wrapped in brown paper and held it out to me.

"Another gift? Eleanor, that really isn't necessary…"

Eleanor smiled. "It's not a gift. It's your pessary."

I blushed. "Oh… yes…" I stammered, taking the box from her hands.

Eleanor leaned against the desk, crossing her arms over her chest. "I wasn't sure if you'd still be needing it, what with the wedding and all."

I rolled my eyes. "So you've heard the rumors."

Eleanor blinked. "Rumors?"

"About me… expecting?"

"You're expecting?" Eleanor repeated. "Well, then why do you want the pessary?"

I collapsed into a padded velvet chair. "I'm not actually expecting," I explained.

"But you said…"

"People _think_ I'm expecting," I told her, "because Edward and I are getting married so quickly, and moving out of the city."

Eleanor sat down next to me. "But you're not."

"No." I blushed. "Edward and I haven't… you know…"

Eleanor nodded in understanding. "Then why are you letting people _believe_ you're with child?"

I sighed. "It just seemed easier," I admitted. "It's… complicated."

Eleanor just patted my hand. "Most things are, dear," she said sympathetically. "I don't know that starting a marriage based on a lie is the best option, however."

I agreed with her, actually. I just didn't really see a better alternative.

"Edward thinks it's best," I said, more than a little ashamed of shifting the blame for our deception.

Eleanor patted the armrests of her chair once before standing up. "Well, it's your business, of course. Lord knows I'm not one to judge." She smiled and added, "Most likely nobody would believe it if you told them the truth anyway. People believe what they want to believe, you know."

"Yes, I'm beginning to realize that." I stood and walked out of the library with Eleanor. "Thank you, Eleanor… for the party… the gift… this…" I held up the box. "For everything. You've been a good friend to me."

Eleanor smiled, then hugged me briskly. "And you to me, dear," she said. "Now, you know how to use that, right?" She pulled back and nodded at the package in my hands.

I blushed. "I still have the pamphlet. I think I can figure it out."

Eleanor nodded. "Good. Take care of yourself, dear. You and Edward take care of each other," she said. "The rest will work itself out."

I smiled through my tears, telling her I'd see her at the wedding… and praying with all my might that she was right.


	28. Of Promises and Pleasure

  


_**Love, that outreaches to the humblest things;** _

_**Work that is glad, in what it does and brings;** _

_**And faith that soars upon unwearied wings.** _

_**Divine the Powers that on this trio wait.** _

_**Supreme their conquest, over Time and Fate.** _

_**Love, Work, and Faith - these three alone are great."** _

_**\- Ella Wheeler Wilcox, American poet and writer, 1850-1919** _

**Chapter 27 – Of Promises and Pleasures**

"No way, Edward."

"Bella, it's tradition."

"I don't care," I huffed, my hands on my hips. "I'm not going to do it!"

Edward rolled his eyes. "I don't understand why you're making such a fuss over it."

"A fuss?" I screeched, clearing my throat to bring the decibels down a little. "I'm not making a fuss, Edward. I'm making a point. 'Wilt thou serve him and obey him?' Seriously? We're so changing the vows."

"Bella, we can't just change the vows."

I frowned at him. "Why not?"

Edward's mouth opened and closed a couple of times as he searched for a reply. "Because… they're the _vows_!"

It was the Monday before the wedding and Edward and I had just met with Reverend Hargrove to go over the wedding ceremony. Fortunately, the minister seemed to bear no ill will toward me for my erratic behavior when I'd first attended services with Edward and his family on Easter Sunday. I'd met him a handful of times since then, and despite his tendency to pound the lectern, shouting condemnation at his congregation while a crooked vein bulged on his forehead, he was a pretty nice guy.

The meeting was going fine until I read through the vows. Edward was watching me carefully, and when I came to the offending line I narrowed my eyes at him. He knew I'd have a problem with the "obey" part, but I guess he'd hoped it would just kind of slip by me. Edward looked away, swallowing thickly, and asked the reverend quietly if we could have a moment to ourselves. The minister walked out, leaving his office door open and I'd turned on Edward quickly.

"The fact that 'they're the vows' doesn't mean we can't change them, Edward," I argued. "I'm not talking about re-writing the whole thing, for heaven's sake… just taking out one little phrase… seven words. No big deal." I shrugged.

"But…" Edward stammered.

"I'll tell you what. I have a proposition for you," I offered, turning to him as a small smile lit my face. "If it's so important to you, I'll say it."

Edward cocked an eyebrow, immediately suspicious. "You will?"

"Sure," I said loftily. "Of course, I'll expect a concession on your part."

"What kind of concession?" Edward asked slowly.

I turned to him with an innocent look. "Oh, just a little thing, really."

"Bella…" he said in a warning tone, "I already told you that I'm not wearing a wedding ring."

Aggravated, I stood up looking down at him. "I don't understand why you have such a problem with wearing a ring."

Edward just shook his head. "Men don't wear wedding rings, Bella." I was surprised when he'd first told me that, but after examining many strangers' hands – which got me a few odd looks on the street, I might add – I'd come to realize he was correct.

"Just because most men _don't_ , doesn't mean you _can't_ ," I pointed out.

"Except I. Don't. Want. To," he said stubbornly.

I glanced at the open doorway, then moved from my chair to perch on the arm of his, reaching over to play with the hair brushing his collar. "Don't you want the world to know you're mine?" I asked coyly.

Yeah. I did "coyly" now. I had no shame.

Edward just looked up at me with a smug grin. "I don't need a ring for that."

"But I'm going to wear a ring..." I tried really hard not to whine.

He reached up to grab my hand, kissing the engagement ring on my finger. "A fact that makes me exceedingly happy," he responded with a charming grin.

I fought a returning smile as I snatched my hand away and went back to sit in my chair. "Fine. No ring. No obey," I said gruffly.

We sat in silence for a moment, at a standoff. I heard a rustle of fabric and turned my head away pointedly, crossing my arms over my chest and deliberately not looking at whatever Edward was doing. I felt the heat of his body as he leaned over the arm of my chair to brush his lips along my ear.

"You don't want to obey me?" he asked huskily.

I swallowed, butterflies fluttering in my stomach at his proximity. "I… uh… think a marriage should be an equal partnership…" I stammered.

"Mmmm…" he murmured, his warm breath tickling my neck. "But… don't you trust me?" I felt his fingers slide under my hair, rubbing gently at my neck as he traced the shell of my ear with his lips and tongue.

"It's not about trust," I whispered, my eyelids growing heavy under his touch.

"Isn't it?" he asked quietly, his tongue flicked at my earlobe. "Don't you believe I'd only act in your best interests?" He sucked it into his mouth, biting gently before releasing it with a soft pop. "Don't you believe I'd never do anything to hurt you?" He dipped down to suck at my neck, his lips nipping lightly. "Don't you think I only want to see you happy?" I trembled at the low growl underlying his sweet words. "Content?" His nose trailed along my jaw line and he inhaled deeply. "Satisfied?" His mouth hovered at the corner of mine, and I fought the urge to turn toward his kiss.

"Bella, look at me." Exhaling a shaky breath, I turned slightly to look into his intense green eyes, my lips brushing his with the movement.

"See?" he whispered. "You _can_ be obedient."

I blinked a couple of times, finally absorbing what he'd said… and the satisfied smirk on his face. I shoved him away, but was unable to hold back my laugh.

"Jerk," I muttered.

Edward chuckled. "Honestly, Bella. It's just tradition. It's not like I'd ever actually _expect_ you to obey me unconditionally."

"Well, if it doesn't mean anything, why don't we put it in _your_ vows," I countered.

Reverend Hargrove chose that moment to walk back into his office. "Is everything all right?" he asked.

"Fine," Edward said with a smile. "We just had a few things to discuss."

The minister nodded. "And have all the issues been resolved?"

I hesitated. I was still annoyed about the vows, but I didn't want to cause problems. I mean, they were just words, right? Edward knew how I felt. We loved each other. We belonged together. What harm could a few extra words cause, anyway? So I swallowed my pride, ready to promise to serve and obey. Even if the words kind of stuck in my throat a bit.

I noticed the reverend was watching me expectantly, waiting for my answer, so I nodded.

"Actually," Edward said, "we'd like to make a slight change to the vows."

I turned to gape at him, but he addressed the minister. "We'd like to remove the sentence about serving and obeying."

Reverend Hargrove frowned. "But… that's impossible."

Edward arched an eyebrow. "Why is it impossible?"

The minister stammered. "Well… it's just not _done_ … the vows…"

Edward interrupted, waving a hand in dismissal. "Yes, I know… the vows are the vows. But we'd like to change them. It's just one sentence, Reverend. Seven words. No big deal." He turned to me then with a wink as he repeated my words from earlier.

I couldn't help it. My heart swelled and my eyes filled with tears as Edward reached out to take my hand.

"Bella is promising to be my wife… to love me and stand by my side for the rest of her life. What more do I need?"

It took a little more convincing, but Reverend Hargrove eventually relented unhappily, agreeing to strike the offending sentence from our wedding vows. Once the issue had been resolved, the meeting wrapped up quickly. We walked out of the office and into the church where I once fantasized about dragging Edward under a pew to have my way with him.

I eyed the rows thoughtfully, still intrigued by the idea.

Instead, I grabbed his hand, pulling him behind a large pillar and wrapping my arms around his neck before kissing him soundly.

Edward's arms circled my waist and he smiled down at me once I'd pulled back. "In a church, Miss Swan? Shocking. You truly have no shame."

I grinned at him. "Thank you, Edward."

His face grew serious for a moment. "You were willing to say it… for me… you would have done it, wouldn't you?"

I ran a hand through his hair. "Yes. I would have," I said. "Although I wouldn't have been happy about it," I added with mock irritation.

Edward laughed. "Oh, I believe that." His hands rubbed gently up and down my back. "I just want you to be happy, Bella. I just want to be with you." He leaned down to whisper in my ear again. "Besides, I have a feeling under the right circumstances, you'll be more than happy to obey me." He bit my earlobe again and I shivered.

"I have a feeling you're right," I whimpered.

Edward chuckled. "Oh, and Bella?" He continued to rub my back, and I felt my blood heating as it always did when Edward touched me.

"Hmmm?" I asked, wishing we were on our honeymoon already.

"I'm still not wearing a ring," he murmured. My eyes flew open and I smirked up at him.

"Noted," I replied, grabbing his hand to pull him out of the church.

x-x

The next few days flew by and before I knew it, it was the night before the wedding and I was having dinner with the Masens. Actually, I wasn't eating much. Edward sat next to me and every now and then would touch my hand or stroke my thigh under the table, making me blush furiously.

"Bella, are you all right?" Mrs. Masen asked after one such episode.

I choked down a bite of roast beef. "Fine," I replied, noticing Edward's smirk as he played with his food. "Just a lot on my mind, I guess." I reached over and pinched Edward's leg. He jumped and I tried not to laugh.

"Something wrong, Edward?" His father eyed him suspiciously.

A devilish grin lit Edward's face. "Bella just pinched me."

"Bella!" Mrs. Masen gasped in shock.

I glared at Edward. "I did not!" I lied, my red face giving me up.

Edward shook his head, addressing his parents. "She's really quite violent," he said, a serious look on his face. "I often fear for my life."

I would have let my head fall to the table in mortification if it wasn't for the plate of food in the way. Edward's parents looked from him to me in shock.

I wanted to die. After I killed my fiancé, of course.

Edward finally took mercy on me and started laughing. "I'm joking!" he exclaimed.

After a moment, Edward's parents smiled. I forced a chuckle, wanting to pinch him again.

"Honestly, Edward," Mrs. Masen admonished. "You shouldn't tease poor Bella like that."

Edward made sure both his parents were looking down at their plates before he flashed me another leering grin. "She likes it when I tease her."

I was pretty sure my face was going to burst into flames at any moment.

Edward's parents seemed oblivious, though. Mrs. Masen set her fork down and reached for her ever-present checklist.

"So, everything appears to be taken care of," she said, half to herself. "The flowers will be delivered at seven o'clock… the food shortly after that. Bella, did you put your dress in the guest room?" she asked.

I nodded, my stomach flopping at the thought that the wedding was less than twenty-four hours away.

"Good," Mrs. Masen nodded. Mr. Masen continued to eat in silence, as his wife continued down her list. "Edward, your suit has been cleaned and pressed. You'll need to pick that up in the morning after your haircut."

My ears perked up. "Wait. Haircut?" I looked over at Edward's tousled mess of hair. Hair I was really looking forward to running my fingers through while… Well, let's just say I really liked his hair the way it was.

"You're not really going to cut it, are you?" I asked wistfully.

Edward ran a hand through the unruly locks. "It's pretty unbearable, Bella. The pomade won't even control it when it's like this."

"Pomade?" I choked, stricken at the idea of Edward's glorious hair plastered to his head. "No… no pomade, Edward, please."

"No pomade?" Mrs. Masen shook her head dismissively. "Of course he has to use pomade. He can't attend his own wedding looking like a ruffian!"

"I just…" I began in a small voice, then cleared my throat and straightened my shoulders, speaking more firmly. "I just like your hair the way it is." I blushed again, of course, but Edward just smiled.

"All right, then," he said, his eyes soft. "No pomade… and just a trim tomorrow, to keep this insanity under control." He tugged at his hair again.

I smiled, all melty and lovey-dovey. Mrs. Masen started to say something, but Edward's father cut in.

"Abominable stuff… pomade," he said gruffly, buttering a roll. "Can't stand it myself. Smells like gasoline." He winked at me and I couldn't resist grinning back at him.

At that moment, I think I was in love with _both_ Edward Masens.

"Fine," Mrs. Masen relented, and I could almost imagine her adding a " _Whatever!_ " as she consulted her list again. "Oh no!" she exclaimed. "We haven't discussed who is going to walk you down the aisle."

"Well, actually, Carlisle has agreed to do that," I told her. I shot a sidelong glance at Edward. I'd told him shortly after Carlisle had agreed, but evidently, he hadn't mentioned it to his mother.

"Dr. Cullen?" she said blankly. "Your _employer_? Oh no, dear. That won't do at all."

I heard Edward shift uncomfortably in his chair. He had not been happy about my choice of Carlisle at first, but once again, his desire for me to be happy won out and he'd given in.

"He's not just my employer. Well, actually, he's not my employer at all anymore," I pointed out. "But that's beside the point. Carlisle is also my friend."

Mrs. Masen frowned. "Oh, but Bella, what will people _say_?" she asked, concern creasing her brow. "Even if he is your _former_ employer… He's an unmarried man... and no blood relation. It just isn't _done_."

I bristled. If one more person told me what just _wasn't done_ , I thought I might scream. I took a deep breath, unwilling to lose my temper at Edward's mother.

I didn't get the chance, though, because once again Edward intervened. "Mother, Bella and I have no interest in what people say. If she wants Dr. Cullen to give her away, then that is what's going to happen."

Mrs. Masen gaped at him. "Surely you're not all right with this!"

Edward reached out and took my hand in a show of solidarity. "Dr. Cullen came and spoke to me about it shortly after Bella informed me of her choice. He wanted to ensure that I would not be offended by his involvement in the ceremony."

"He did?" I murmured. Neither one of them had told me about that.

Edward nodded at me and squeezed my hand gently before turning his attention back to his mother.

"I assured him that we both wanted him to be involved. That as a friend of Bella's he was also a friend to me."

Once again, I found myself swallowing tears. I knew that Edward and Carlisle had had a rocky start, but to know that they'd both overcome it… as a gift to _me_ … well, it was overwhelming, to say the least.

"Thank you," I whispered. Edward turned to me again, reaching out with his free hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

"He'll be giving you to me," he said quietly. "How could I refuse such a precious gift?"

Edward's father interrupted the tender moment, addressing his wife. "Dr. Cullen? Isn't that the rather pale fellow I met at the charity ball?"

"Yes, dear," Mrs. Masen confirmed.

"Good man," he declared. "Firm handshake." Apparently, that was an indication of your character. Who knew?

With that, Mrs. Masen sighed heavily, realizing she'd lost that battle as well. "What about the blue?" she asked meekly.

"The blue?" I looked at her in confusion.

Mrs. Masen looked frazzled. "Oh, you don't have anything old either, do you? Everything is new. Well, this won't do… this won't do at all!" She hastily got up from the table and left the room.

"What in the world was that all about?" Edward's father asked under his breath. Edward just shrugged.

I opened my mouth to explain, but Mrs. Masen swept into the room again, two small, flat boxes in her hands. She handed the first one to me.

"This is something old… and borrowed," she explained. I opened the box to find a delicate lace handkerchief, slightly yellowed with age.

"It was my grandmother's, on my mother's side," she told me. "She carried it on her wedding day and brought it with her from the old country."

I gasped. "Oh, I couldn't take this." I held it out to her. "I'd be afraid I'd ruin it… it's too special."

Mrs. Masen rolled her eyes. "It's just an old handkerchief, Bella," she chided. "I will want it back, though, so don't lose it," she added with a twinkle in her eye.

She handed me the other box. "You might want to open this one in private," she said, pink tingeing her cheeks. "It's something blue."

Curiosity getting the better of me, I cracked the box under the table and took a peek inside. I found a pair of silky white stockings and blue satin garters with lace trim. I turned wide eyes on Mrs. Masen.

"What is it?" Edward asked, reaching for the box.

"Never mind," his mother admonished him, her cheeks reddening a little more. "You'll see soon enough." She turned to me. "They're imported from France. I purchased them a year ago, but never had an occasion to wear them.

"And before you say you can't accept them… just don't," she said, a smile softening her words. Mrs. Masen curved an arm around my shoulders, hugging me gently as tears filled her eyes. "You're a member of our family now, Bella. Let us show you how much that means to us, all right, dear?"

I just nodded, choked up yet again. "Thank you."

"Right then," Mr. Masen said, pushing his plate away. "Enough of the crying. I'm sure we'll have enough of that tomorrow." I noticed, however, that his eyes were a little glassy as well. He scrubbed his napkin across his face quickly. "How about some of that strawberry pie, my dear?"

x-x

An hour later, Edward and I were standing on the front porch at the boarding house… in a scene reminiscent of our first date. I smiled at the memory of roller skating… and how frustrated I'd been when the day had concluded with a chaste kiss on my cheek.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked softly, running a finger down the side of my face.

I smiled. "Just remembering that first time we went skating."

Edward grinned. "I have a confession to make. I wasn't really that interested in skating," he admitted. "I just wanted an excuse to hold your hand."

I reached out and linked my fingers with his. "I wanted you to kiss me so badly."

"I wanted to kiss you so badly," he confessed. "I was just so incredibly nervous, and I didn't want to offend you. I berated myself all the way home for my cowardice."

The street was empty and we were hidden by the shadows of the darkening evening, so I laughed and popped up on my tiptoes to kiss his lips quickly. "Well, you definitely made up for lost time," I said flirtatiously.

He grabbed the back of my head when I pulled away, kissing me again more deeply. When he finally released me, I took a shaky breath.

"You're really good at that," I said with a silly grin.

He chuckled. "I can't believe that in less than a day I'll be able to do that whenever I choose." He ran his thumb across my lips gently, his eyes following the movement.

"Whenever you choose?" I repeated archly. "What if I don't feel like kissing you?"

Who was I kidding? I would _always_ feel like kissing Edward.

Edward leaned in to run his nose along my cheek. "Are you saying you would refuse me?"

I gulped. "Maybe?"

His lips brushed my heated skin. "Maybe?" he repeated.

"Uh…" _What were we talking about again?_ "Yes?"

"Don't make me go back to Reverend Hargrove and put 'obey' back in the vows, Bella," Edward threatened, but I could hear the laughter behind his words.

"Don't even think about it," I retorted.

He stood up straight, lifting our joined hands to his lips. "I love you, Bella."

I smiled. "I love you too, Edward. And you can feel free to kiss me whenever you like," I added generously.

He smirked. "I'll hold you to that."

He leaned in to kiss me one more time. "I should go. I'll see you tomorrow, right?" He narrowed his eyes at me, as if worried I might say no.

I grinned. "I'll be the one in the veil."

x-x

Surprisingly, I slept well that night… no tossing and turning… no horrible nightmares… just a deep, dreamless sleep that left me feeling refreshed and optimistic. I woke with a smile and a stretch to the smell of coffee and cinnamon drifting up from the kitchen. I dressed quickly and followed the delicious aroma to find Maggie frosting a pan of huge cinnamon rolls in the kitchen.

"Well, if it isn't the bride," she said with a smile, using her frosting knife to lift one of the rolls from the pan and onto a small plate.

"I hope that's for me, because if it isn't, I'm going to steal it from whoever it's for," I said with a smile, pouring myself a cup of coffee.

Maggie grinned and handed me the plate. The roll was still warm and the icing dripped down, making my mouth water. I sat down at the kitchen table and took a bite.

"Maggie," I moaned. "This is amazing. How come I've never had one of your cinnamon rolls before?"

Maggie set the pan aside and sat across from me with her own coffee. "I only make them on special occasions," she explained. "I think your wedding day suffices."

I smiled and ate my roll as we sat in companionable silence. Edward and I had decided we'd stay at the boarding house after the wedding. The house we'd be renting in Altoona wouldn't be ready for another week, and his parents had invited us to stay there in the meantime, but we both agreed we'd feel more comfortable at Maggie's.

"Are you sure you don't mind Edward moving in here?" I asked her.

Maggie scoffed. "The more the merrier, dear," she said with a smile. "And I have to admit I'm happy you'll be here a little longer. I'll be missing you when you leave for Wisconsin."

I frowned slightly. "I'll miss you too, Maggie. I won't ever be able to thank you enough for all you've done…"

Maggie interrupted with a wave of her hand. "Thanks aren't necessary," she said. "Just assure me you'll keep in touch. I'll want to know all about your new life… and you must come back and visit." Her words cut off abruptly and I was shocked to see tears in her eyes. I stood up quickly and circled the table to wrap my arms around her shoulders.

"Of course we'll be back, I assured her. You already told me we'd see each other again," I reminded her. She nodded quickly, brushing at her eyes. "I know… I know. Pay no attention to me. I'm fine."

I squeezed her shoulders once more.

"Now," she said briskly, patting my arm, "if you're done with your breakfast, you'd best be getting your bath. We can't have you late to your own wedding now, can we?" She picked up my plate and cup, taking them to the sink.

A few hours later I was standing in the guest room at Edward's house, looking out the window into the back yard. Samantha and Mrs. Masen had done an incredible job of transforming the area into a wonderland. They'd taken my dress as an inspiration, draping yards of white tulle between the trees and the folding chairs that had been set up in rows facing away from the house. Tucked into the tulle I spotted gorgeous arrangements of roses and tulips, as well as orange blossoms that filled the air with fragrance and fluttering white petals any time a breeze kicked up. An archway covered with tulle, pale pink and white roses, greenery, and baby's breath stood on a raised platform on the far end of the yard, a white runner leading the way down the aisle.

Many of the guests had already arrived and taken their seats. I spotted Maggie, Tom, Liza, and Jared… as well as Patty and some of the other nurses from the hospital. I rubbed at my finger absently. Edward had taken back my engagement ring because I wanted it to be my wedding ring as well… and my hand felt oddly naked without it.

"Nervous?" I looked up to see Samantha enter the room. She was dressed in her pink – sorry, _blush_ – bridesmaid's gown and had a cluster of orange blossoms tucked in her hair.

I smiled at her. "A little," I admitted.

She crossed to me, holding out a small box, wrapped in white paper. "Edward asked me to give this to you," she said.

"How is he?" I asked, taking the box.

"Nervous," she said with a laugh, "but incredibly happy. He loves you so much, Bella."

I smiled softly, looking down at the gift. A card was tucked under a white ribbon tied around it. I pulled it out, unfolding the heavy stock and smiling as I recognized Edward's neat handwriting.

_My dearest Bella,_

_I saw this and thought immediately of you… a hidden treasure I am so fortunate to have found._

_I'll see you at the altar. I'll be the lucky fellow with the huge smile on his face._

_All my love,_

_Edward_

"Are you going to open it?" Samantha asked impatiently. "I'm dying of curiosity!"

I grinned, ripping the paper off the box and lifting the lid carefully. Samantha poked her head over to peek inside the box.

"Oh my, that's beautiful," she exclaimed quietly.

She was right.

It was a necklace… a single teardrop pearl on a delicate silver chain. I had been disappointed that I couldn't wear my watch locket with my dress. I had to agree with Mrs. Masen that they didn't really go together. Edward evidently had taken it upon himself to solve the problem.

I pulled the necklace out of the box, and Samantha helped me clasp it around my neck. I looked in the full-length mirror and couldn't keep the smile off my face.

"It's perfect," Samantha said admiringly.

My eyes trailed from the pearl, nestled just above my neckline, up to my hair, which fell in waves down my back, but was held back in front by the hair combs Samantha and her mother had given me. My veil was tucked under the combs and fell over my shoulders slightly. My dress had been altered and now fit me perfectly, hugging me slightly before flaring out in delicate folds from the satin sash. Mrs. Masen had added a cluster of pale pink roses to my waist and I wore the stockings and garters she'd given me under the full skirt.

I heard a throat clear and looked over to see Carlisle standing in the doorway, elegant as always in a dark suit and tie.

"It's time," he said quietly. Samantha gave me a quick hug and reached up to pull my veil over my face, then handed me my bouquet. She left the room, smiling at Carlisle as she passed him.

"Ready?" Carlisle asked, walking over to me.

"As I'll ever be," I responded with a shaky smile.

Carlisle examined my face carefully. "If you're having second thoughts…"

I shook my head quickly. "No… no second thoughts," I assured him. "Just a little nervous."

Carlisle nodded with a smile. "Well, good… because I'd help you escape, but I have a feeling that young man of yours would hunt me down if you disappeared."

I giggled slightly. "He'd have to catch you first."

Carlisle smirked. "True."

He held out his elbow and I tucked my hand into the crook of his arm. We walked out of the room together and down the stairs.

"Thank you for doing this," I whispered as we drew near to the French doors.

"It's my pleasure, Bella," Carlisle replied, casting me a sideways glance. "You look beautiful, by the way. Like a woman in love."

I blushed, but couldn't respond because we'd emerged into the back yard and all of the guests stood and turned to face me. My steps faltered slightly.

"Relax," Carlisle murmured quietly, reaching over to lay his hand on mine as I gripped his arm. "Just lean on me."

The harpist began to play the Wedding March, and Carlisle and I proceeded slowly down the aisle. My stomach was a mess of butterflies. I could feel my palms sweating. I searched for Edward, but couldn't see him at first. The flower arrangements and the people standing were in my way, and I felt a rush of panic. My heart began to beat erratically. I felt I couldn't draw enough oxygen into my lungs.

"Just a moment more," Carlisle said encouragingly. "We're almost there."

His voice sounded as if it were coming through water, and my eyes searched frantically through the crowd.

Edward. I needed Edward.

Then, with one more step, I saw him standing between Reverend Hargrove and his father. Tall and beautiful in his suit… his hair a perfect riotous mess… and the biggest smile on his face I'd ever seen.

I giggled, and if it were possible, his smile grew even wider.

Carlisle and I came to a stop at the platform and Reverend Hargrove began to speak.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God, and in this face of this company, to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is an honorable estate, instituted of God…" The words echoed around me, but I barely noticed them. Edward and I just stared at each other, lost in the moment.

"Who gives this woman to be married?" the minister asked eventually. I felt Carlisle squeeze my hand, and I released his arm with a sheepish smile. He lifted my veil, then took my hand and offered it to Edward.

"Be happy," he whispered before stepping back to take his seat. I stepped up onto the platform, holding Edward's hand tightly and handing my bouquet to Samantha.

The reverend continued the ceremony, but everything around me faded away. It was just Edward and me… our right hands joined, looking into each other's eyes… promising to love each other.

" _I, Edward, take thee, Isabella…"_

" _I, Isabella, take thee, Edward, to be my lawfully wedded husband…"_

Our quiet voices lifted on the gentle breeze, floating around us as orange blossoms filled the air.

"… _to have and to hold from this day forward…"_

"… _For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer…"_

I heard the quiet sounds of sniffling and realized I was crying. Through my tears I saw Edward's green gaze, intense and emotion-filled as his words rang out.

"… _in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish…"_

My voice caught as I said "sickness"… and I said a silent prayer for Edward's continued health. I couldn't lose him now.

"…' _til death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance…"_

Our final words were near whispers…

"… _and thereto I pledge thee my troth."_

Edward's father handed my ring to the minister, who handed it to Edward. He slid it onto my finger, repeating the minister's words.

" _With this ring, I thee wed… with my body, I thee worship…"_ His eyes flickered up to mine briefly, and I could swear I spotted a devilish twinkle there. "… _and with all my worldly goods I thee endow… In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost… Amen."_

A slow smile lit his face as the minister led the congregation in a prayer. To be honest, I wasn't really paying attention. Edward still held my hand in both of his, rubbing small circles with his thumbs, his eyes locked on mine.

"Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder," Reverend Hargrove intoned in a loud voice. "For as much as Edward and Isabella have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company… and thereto have given and pledged their troth, each to the other… and have declared the same by giving and receiving a ring, and by joining hands; I pronounce that they are man and wife, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen."

Edward and I grinned at each other as the guests began to applaud.

"Edward," the minister said, nodding at him slightly, "you may now kiss your bride."

Edward blinked slowly, as if coming out of a daze, then leaned toward me, cupping my face with his hands, his fingers threading gently in my hair. He kissed me softly, and I sighed into his slightly parted lips. He pulled back slightly, then kissed me once more before he smiled in awe.

"I love you, Mrs. Masen," he murmured quietly. I grinned up at him, my face flushing… but not caring one little bit.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Reverend Hargrove announced in a loud voice, "it is my pleasure to introduce Mr. and Mrs. Edward Masen!"

We turned to face the guests and Edward pulled my hand through his bent elbow. I looked up at him and gasped at the joy I saw on his face. His eyes were shining, his smile wide, and he chuckled slightly.

He was beautiful. He was perfect. He was all mine.

His father touched his shoulder and Edward turned to shake his hand. Then the guests began coming forward, hugging and congratulating us.

We did it. We were married.

I was Edward's _wife_.

 _Holy shit._ I could hardly believe it.

Before I had even realized what had happened, the rows of chairs had been rearranged around tables and a band had set up on the platform where Edward and I exchanged our vows. We dined on poached salmon and tender vegetables, but I barely tasted anything. I was surrounded by Edward.

We cut the cake… shared a toast… and danced under a darkening sky.

"Did I mention you look incredibly beautiful, Mrs. Masen?" Edward asked.

I smiled. "Yes, you did; several times, in fact. Thank you. And thank you for the necklace," I added, fingering the pearl before returning my hand to his shoulder. "It's beautiful. I love it."

"I love you," he said matter-of-factly, "and you're very welcome, Mrs. Masen." He grinned, pulling me a little closer as we twirled around.

I giggled, holding him tightly. "Are you going to call me Mrs. Masen from now on?"

Edward looked thoughtful. "I'm not sure, Mrs. Masen. I just might." He leaned in to kiss me. "I do like the sound of it… Mrs. Masen." His voice dropped on the name suggestively and I found myself shivering slightly.

"Can we leave yet?" I asked shakily.

Edward smirked. "Soon, my love."

We danced a few more times – Edward with his mother, then Samantha… me with Edward's father, then Tom. We laughed with our guests and enjoyed the evening… although now and then I'd catch Edward gazing at me intently, his eyes dark and inviting… and I'd feel my blood heat.

Finally, as I chatted with Patty, I felt Edward's heat alongside me, and he leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"Are you ready to leave?"

 _Um… Yes, please_. I practically jumped from my chair. Patty and the others giggled as Edward took my hand.

We made our way to the front of the house slowly, following behind the crowd. They lined the front walk and Edward held my hand tightly.

"Ready?" he asked, grinning.

"Let's go!" I replied, and we took off running toward the car, under a shower of rice. Edward pulled the passenger door open for me, and I stopped before I got in to toss my bouquet over my shoulder. I whirled around to see Samantha clutching it tightly, a wide smile on her face. I waved to her and got in the car.

I kept waving as Edward drove away, only turning to face forward once the house was out of sight.

Edward grabbed my hand, kissing the back of it softly. "Happy?" he asked.

I pulled his hand to my lips, planting a smacking kiss on it playfully. "Ecstatic," I replied.

We weren't going on an actual honeymoon, since we'd be moving away in just a little over a week. Instead, we would be spending two nights at the Palmer House, the hotel where we'd attended the charity ball, before moving into the boarding house.

Edward pulled to a stop in front of the hotel and parked the car. He rounded the hood, pulling my door open and helping me out before retrieving our bags from the backseat. He smiled, swallowing nervously as we walked into the hotel lobby.

A bellboy took our bags after Edward checked in, proudly signing "Mr. and Mrs. E. A. Masen" in the hotel registry. He took my hand as we followed the bellboy into the elevator.

Our suite was elaborate, and I gasped in surprise at the luxurious surroundings. The bellboy walked across the room to open the heavy drapes, revealing a sparkling view of downtown Chicago. A bottle of champagne sat on a low table, along with a card addressed to us. I opened it as Edward tipped the bellboy and followed him out, closing the door and locking it with a low click.

"It's from your parents," I told him as he walked toward me.

He nodded. "The suite is a wedding gift from them as well."

"That's very generous," I said nervously, feeling the tension in the room now that we were alone.

Alone for the first time. Totally. Completely. Alone.

He picked up the champagne from the table, his hands shaking slightly. Maybe I wasn't the only one who was nervous.

"Would you like some?" he asked.

I nodded and he opened the bottle, pouring us each a glass. After handing one to me, he clinked the glasses together lightly. I smiled and sipped the cool champagne, the bubbles tickling my nose… and other things tickling… in other places. He leaned in to kiss me softly, and I could taste the sparkling wine on his tongue… his proximity making me dizzy… more intoxicating than the alcohol in my glass.

"Edward," I whispered.

"I love you, Bella," he replied, leaning in to kiss me again.

I pulled back slightly, knowing if I didn't, we'd end up on the living room floor… and there were things I need to do first.

"I…uh… should go change," I said quietly.

Edward nodded, his ears turning pink, and he took another sip of his champagne. I set my glass down on the table and picked up my bag, heading through the bedroom to the adjacent bathroom.

Once I got in there, I realized I hadn't exactly thought things through. Try as I might, I couldn't reach the buttons on the back of my dress. Flustered, I reached for the bathroom door. I pulled it open to find Edward standing on the other side, just a few feet away, leaning awkwardly on one of the bedposts. My hand flew to my throat.

"You startled me!"

Edward reddened. "Sorry. I didn't mean to." He looked at my dress. "Is… umm… everything all right?"

I rolled my eyes. "I can't get my dress unbuttoned," I explained. "Could you help me?"

Edward swallowed thickly and walked toward me. I turned around and, after a moment, felt his shaky fingers gently releasing the tiny buttons down my back. I could feel his breath on my hair and I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation.

"All done," he said quietly. I felt him step away and moved back into the bathroom, closing the door. Slipping out of my dress, I hung it on a wooden hanger on the back of the bathroom door, along with my veil, and removed my stockings and underthings. I rummaged through my bag, pulling out my pessary. I'd had the forethought to practice inserting it, spending an hour or so locked in my bedroom with the birth control pamphlet, examining the diagrams inside before attempting to put the device in. I was kind of worried about whether I'd even be able to get it in since I was a virgin, but Eleanor had told me that if I was patient and relaxed, it would make it easier to insert it... and I might even be able to do it without breaking my hymen.

I knew that would be important to Edward... and the last thing I wanted was to get to the wedding night and be fighting with my stupid pessary.

Fortunately, it cooperated, and after I washed my hands, I slipped into the nightgown that Eleanor had given me. I ran a brush through my hair and studied myself in the mirror.

My face was flushed, as to be expected. I tied the sash at my waist, and the silk ribbon drawstring that held the neckline closed, and smoothed the chiffon over my very visible breasts. I pulled the ends of my hair forward, fluffing it over my chest, but it wasn't quite enough to hide my nipples. I sighed.

I was excited at the prospect of finally being with Edward… but I was also nervous as hell.

What if I wasn't any good at it? What if he was disappointed?

What if I spent all night in the bathroom and never lost my virginity?

I rolled my eyes at myself, squared my shoulders, and walked out of the bathroom.

Edward was sitting on the bed, looking down at his hands. His head popped up at the sound of the door opening, and then his mouth dropped open as he came slowly to his feet. He'd taken off his jacket and tie, and his suspenders hung loosely by his hips.

He was – in a word – mouthwatering.

And at that moment, he was staring at me, not saying a word.

"Ummm…" I began, my bravado fading as I fidgeted with the ends of my hair, trying to surreptitiously cover my boobs.

Edward took a step toward me hesitantly, then another, before reaching out to capture my hands. His eyes drifted slowly down my body, then back up again, his breathing shallow. My skin heated at his perusal and I bit my lip uneasily. Edward's eyes flashed at the movement, and he reached up with his thumb to pull my lip from my teeth… not saying a word before he leaned in to kiss me hungrily.

His hand moved to tangle in my hair, as the other wrapped around my waist, pulling me up against him fully. I gasped and he took the opportunity to dip his tongue into my mouth, causing goosebumps to prickle along my skin.

He pulled away, taking my hands in both of his and pulling me gently toward the bed. His eyes were dark… haunting… and they raked over me constantly. I could almost feel where they touched my skin.

"You are so incredibly beautiful," he murmured, lifting a hand to stroke my cheek, down my neck, and continuing down over my breast. My breath caught. "And you're all mine," he said, his voice almost wondrous.

I lifted my hands to tangle in his hair, thankful that the barber had not cut off too much. "And you're all mine," I reminded him quietly, lifting my chin to kiss him gently. He smiled and deepened the kiss.

With trembling fingers, Edward tugged at the drawstring at my neckline, causing it to gape and drop off one shoulder. His lips descended on my now bare skin, his tongue teasing it mercilessly. I reached up to unbutton his shirt slowly, my shaky hands making the task more difficult. Eventually, I was able to push it from his shoulders and lift his undershirt over his head. My hands drifted over the planes and valleys of Edward's muscular chest, and I couldn't resist pressing my lips to his heated skin.

"Bella," he moaned, pulling me close and devouring me once again with a searing kiss.

Our breaths grew shorter, our touches more frantic as we explored each other's bodies, pulling clothing away to revel in the skin and flesh beneath. We fell to the bed in a tangle of limbs, my nightgown falling to my waist, and Edward hovering over me, propped on his elbows. He reached down my leg, pulling the hem of my nightgown up until he could stroke my skin. His eyes fell to my breasts and he bent down, taking one peak into his mouth. I arched up with a gasp at the sensation. His hand fisted my nightgown and I felt him tugging it down, so I lifted my hips so he could remove it. He tossed it on the floor, and he released my breast to look at me fully.

I knew my blush had spread all over my body, but at the look of love and lust I saw on Edward's face, I no longer cared. His fingers trailed up my leg, up over my stomach, before coming to rest on my breast. He squeezed it gently, rolling the nipple between his fingers and causing a surge of heat between my legs.

"Edward," I whimpered.

"I love you, Bella," he replied huskily, leaning down to tease at my nipple with his tongue. I arched into his touch, writhing against the sheets as he tormented me.

"I want…" he began hesitantly. "I want to… touch you." I knew what he meant, and nodded frantically.

"Yes… please… "

His hand drifted down slowly, then stopped at my waist. I opened my eyes to find Edward watching me with concern.

"Edward? What is it?"

Edward's gaze dipped to his hand, then back up to mine. "You'll tell me… if I do something wrong? I don't want to hurt you."

I smiled softly at him, reaching down to touch his hand and pull it lower. "Don't worry," I whispered, "we belong together."

Edward's eyes drifted shut as his palm covered my overheated flesh. I gasped at the sensation and his eyes flew open.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

I pressed his hand more firmly against me. "More," I demanded quietly. Edward smirked and he moved his hand gently, brushing against the sensitive nub that made me cry out. His jaw clenched in determination, Edward explored with his fingers, every motion causing an increasing tightening in my belly. My eyes fluttered closed and my lips parted in an exhalation of pleasure when one slender finger slid slowly inside me.

I moaned, writhing against his hand, and Edward repeated the motion, his finger sliding in and out as the heel of his hand rubbed against me in a most delicious way.

"Don't stop," I begged shamelessly. "Please, Edward… don't stop."

His lips descended on mine as his hand continued its incredible torture, his mouth capturing my groans as the pleasure built inside of me. His hand quickened its pace and I arched back, gasping at the sensation. Edward sucked lightly at my neck before moving again to take my breast in his mouth, sucking deeply, then biting gently at my nipple.

"Edward… I… oh, God…" I rambled nonsensically, swept up in the building pressure in my body… twisting and turning higher and higher with every touch of Edward's fingers… every flick of his tongue. Edward added a second finger and brushed a spot inside of me that caused a tingle to run through my body. My eyes flashed open.

"God, what was that?" I mumbled incoherently. "Do it again…"

A look of concentration set on Edward's face as he tried to mimic the movement. After a moment, I felt it again.

"There… yes… there…" I moaned. He did it again. "God, Edward… that feels so good."

Edward quickened the pace, stroking that amazing spot and rubbing a little harder with the heel of his hand. The tingling was back… building and increasing with every stroke… causing every muscle in my body to tense and tighten.

"I love you, Bella," Edward whispered in my ear.

And I exploded… my muscles convulsed as white-hot pleasure shot through my body in wave after wave of incredible release. Edward continued to massage me gently as I rode the crest of my climax before I finally collapsed back onto the bed with one last moan of satisfaction.

I finally opened my eyes to find Edward gazing at me in awe.

"What happened?" he asked. "What was that?"

I giggled. "That," I said, leaning up to kiss him soundly, "was the most incredible orgasm ever!"

"Orgasm?" he repeated blankly.

I smiled at him. "You know… an orgasm… a climax?" I explained. "Like what you did in my hand at the boarding house?"

Understanding lit his features. "Ooohhh," he said. "I didn't realize that women did that."

I laughed. "Well, it's a little different, obviously, but very… very… pleasurable."

Edward grinned in satisfaction. "I did that… for you," he said proudly, running his hand over my stomach softly.

I leaned up on my elbows, reaching up to pull him down on top of me. "Yes, you did. And very well, I might add." I kissed him, then reached for the button on his pants.

"Now, I think it's your turn."

Edward was more than happy to help me with the task of undressing him, and in a few minutes he lay poised above me, his hard length pressed against my stomach. I reached down to stroke him lightly between us and Edward's eyes clenched shut.

"I want you, Edward."

His eyes opened and he kissed me deeply. "I want you, too. I just don't want to hurt you."

I lifted my hand to his cheek. "Just go slow. It will be all right."

Edward nodded and lifted his hips to position himself at my entrance. I took slow, deep breaths, preparing for the pain. Edward watched me carefully as he pressed forward slowly. He paused when I flinched slightly.

"It's okay," I assured him.

He continued easing his way into me and I forced myself not to gasp at the burning sensation. Finally, he pushed through, and I felt a sharp tearing that made me wince in pain.

"Are you all right?"

"Just give me a minute."

"Bella?" His voice was trembling.

"I'm okay. Just give me a minute." I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, willing myself to relax. I felt Edward, tense and rigid above me, and reached around him to stroke his back. He relaxed slightly, and the movement made me gasp.

"Bella?"

"I'm okay," I said, shifting my hips slightly. The pain was less and it almost felt… good.

"Try to move a little," I told him breathlessly.

He pulled out slowly, then eased back in, his breath escaping in a harsh sigh. The feeling of Edward inside me was amazing. I felt complete… whole.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I bent my knees, tilting my hips up and Edward moaned. He jerked forward slightly and a shiver of pleasure ran through me. Slowly, I lifted my legs to wrap around him, pressing my heels into his thighs.

"More," I demanded.

Edward smirked and gave me more.

 


	29. Of Baths and Beds

  


****_"Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end."_ ** **

**_\- Author Unknown_ **

**Chapter 28 – Of Baths and Beds**

I awoke to the sound of running water. Early morning light filtered through a gap between the heavy drapes, but our hotel room was cast in shadow.

 _Our honeymoon suite._ I corrected myself. I was on my honeymoon. A married woman.

Mrs. Edward Masen.

A small smile lifted my lips as my mind drifted back to the ceremony. It had been beautiful… all that I had hoped my wedding would be. The love lighting Edward's eyes as he promised to cherish me forever… the joyous smile when the minister had pronounced us husband and wife… the fluttering orange blossoms that drifted around us as he kissed me.

It was magical.

The only flaw in the otherwise perfect day was the absence of my family. Charlie would have grumbled about wearing a monkey suit, but his eyes would have filled with tears when he gave me away. Renee would have fussed over my veil, then given me some ridiculously embarrassing wedding night advice.

Of course, Carlisle was more than happy to stand in – even taking Charlie's place in the traditional father-daughter dance. I appreciated it and loved having him there, but it just wasn't the same. I missed them... a lot.

Logically, I understood that a life with Edward – whether in 1918 or in 2010 – would involve leaving my family behind. A small part of me resented the fact that I had to choose between them. A larger part lamented at the knowledge that there was only one choice I could make.

If my plan succeeded – and in spite of everything, it was still a big "if" – Edward and I would have a life together… a happy life with love and children and a home and family.

But my parents would never meet their grandchildren… and I wondered if they were already mourning the loss of their only daughter in the future. Were they searching for me? Worried about what had happened to me? Or was I simply gone… forgotten, as if I'd never existed?

Again, all questions with no answers. My life had become full of those lately.

Still, bittersweet as it was, I couldn't regret my decision to marry Edward. And deep down inside, I knew that above everything my parents wanted me to be happy.

For me, that meant Edward. As I thought his name, my heart lightened.

Stretching luxuriously, I tested my muscles for any soreness. Other than a slight tenderness between my legs I felt deliciously aching… no pain, just a kind of languid exhaustion – as if every inch of me had been clenched tight, then relaxed.

Which, in reality, it had.

I smiled at the memory from the night before. Edward was amazing. I knew he hadn't had that much experience, but Lord, if our wedding night was any indication, the guy was a fast learner.

Granted, the actual physical act didn't last _that_ long once everything was where it belonged. I mean Edward was a virgin, and I actually didn't have high expectations for a night of wild, uninhibited sex.

But the fact that he had taken the time to make me feel good? And that he seemed to take pride in that? Well, that was definitely appreciated.

I appreciated it a lot. And pretty loudly, I had to admit.

Then, once he was finally physically joined with me… gazing into my eyes as he expressed his love for me in that ultimate way… it took my breath away. Watching him gripped in the throes of passion, his head thrown back, neck taut as he neared his climax was beautiful. And when he finally collapsed onto me, sated and exhausted, the weight of him pressing down on me felt… right.

I had never been so happy.

I stretched again, reveling in the memory and reaching across the bed. Finding only cool sheets, I propped myself up on my elbow, peering into the dimly lit room.

"Edward?"

After a moment, the water shut off. The door to the adjoining bathroom swung open and Edward appeared in the doorway. He leaned against the jamb and the bathroom light lit him from behind, casting his face in shadow. He had pulled on his trousers, suspenders dangling from his waist, but his chest and feet were bare. Edward ran a hand through his messy hair, and I couldn't hold back a dreamy sigh.

A poet could probably have written a sonnet or ode to the magnificence that was Edward at that moment. The only word I could come up with was "yummy."

I caught a glint of white as Edward's mouth lifted in a half-grin. "Good morning, Mrs. Masen," he said in a husky voice, sending tingles directly to that aching spot between my legs.

As my eyes adjusted to the light in the room, Edward's face became clearer. I sat up a little further and the sheet dipped slightly, revealing a little more of my breast. His gaze dropped at the movement, then flashed back to meet mine, the darkness in his stare glittering and hot.

"What are you doing?" I asked quietly.

Edward pushed off the door jamb and walked slowly to me, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He lifted a finger, running it lightly down my cheek, across my lips, then down my throat, before trailing it between my breasts.

My breath caught and his lips quirked, his eyes flashing up to meet mine briefly before returning to study the path of his finger.

His rough fingertip traced along the edge of the sheet, pushing it a little lower with every stroke. Back and forth.

Back and forth.

I found myself wondering if it was possible to explode from a touch… just burst into flames… death by fingertip.

Finally, he lifted his hand, placing it on the bed next to my hip as he leaned down to kiss me over my heart… then softly on my lips.

"I've drawn you a bath," he murmured quietly. "I thought you might be a little uncomfortable this morning."

At that moment, discomfort was the furthest thing from my mind. I reached up to slide my fingers into his hair, pulling his mouth back down to mine. The sheet fell to my waist as I pressed against his bare chest… skin to skin… the soft roughness of his sprinkling of chest hair brushing my nipples wonderfully. A breathy sigh floated between us – His? Mine? – as our tongues intertwined languidly.

Edward lifted a hand to press against my back, his fingers splayed wide as he pulled me closer, still bracing himself on the hand by my hip. His head tilted as he deepened our kiss, then pulled back to nip gently at my lips and tongue, sending sparks of electricity shooting through my body.

"Your bathwater is getting cold," he whispered against my lips.

"I don't care." I pulled him closer, tugging at his hair.

He chuckled, then slid his arms underneath my knees and back. I gasped, then squealed as he scooped me up, leaving the tangled sheet behind. He cradled me against his chest as he kissed me again.

He pulled back with a soft smile. "Let me take care of you, Bella. Please?"

I melted.

"Okay."

He carried me into the bathroom and lowered my feet into the steaming water. I didn't release my hold around his neck, though, instead lifting up on my toes to kiss him softly.

"I love you, Edward. Thank you."

He smiled. "You're welcome."

I settled down into the tub, wincing as the hot water lapped at the tenderness between my legs. I inhaled the floral fragrance of the bath salts Edward had added to the water and relaxed back, letting my eyes flutter closed for a moment. I had to admit the heat was soothing. I sighed heavily, then turned toward Edward. He was leaning against the sink, watching me closely.

"Is it very painful?" he asked, concern creasing his brow.

I shook my head, the movement sending the water rippling out against the walls of the tub. "No… the bath feels really good." I sat up slightly and Edward's gaze dipped to my bare breasts before he flushed and looked away quickly, rubbing the back of his neck.

I rolled over slightly, resting my arms on the side of the tub and grinning at him flirtatiously. "Care to join me?" I tilted my head and bit my lip. Edward's blush deepened, but he got a determined look on his face and walked toward me, tugging at the button on his pants.

Now it was my turn to blush. I turned away abruptly, crossing my arms over my chest as I heard the rustle of his pants falling to the floor and the soft clink of his suspender buckles hitting the tile.

"Move forward a bit," he said quietly, and I scooted along the bottom of the tub, my skin feeling hotter than the water. I heard a slight splash as he stepped into the tub, then the brush of his legs against my upper arms as he finally sat down behind me.

My stomach twisted in knots of equal parts apprehension and embarrassment.

Edward reached out tentatively to run his fingers over my shoulders. "Come here," he coaxed, pulling me back against his chest before wrapping his arms around me and pressing his lips to my neck.

The warm water, combined with Edward's embrace, filled me with contentment and I sighed, leaning into him as my muscles relaxed. He reached onto the side of the tub for a sponge, rubbing it lightly on a bar of sweet-smelling soap. Gently, he worked the soapy sponge over my skin, trailing it down my arms… across my back… around my breasts… each stroke bringing a rush of heat to the surface of my skin. I felt him harden against my lower back and the realization took my breath away. My heart began to pound in my chest as anticipation and desire swept through me.

When Edward had lavished attention on every part of my body that he could reach, he whispered huskily in my ear, "Turn around."

Trying not to slosh water out of the tub, I turned slowly until I faced Edward, leaning back and wrapping my arms around my knees self-consciously. I didn't know where to look – there was so much… _Edward_ … in front of me. His naked chest, glistening with water droplets… the bend of his knees where they poked out of the water… his hair, tousled and slightly damp from running his wet fingers through it.

And under the water?

God, I didn't dare look under the water. I was afraid I might spontaneously combust.

Finally, I settled on his face, which really didn't make things any easier. His eyes were dark and mossy, running over my bare skin like a caress. His lips were parted slightly and as his tongue flicked out to moisten them my breath caught. Edward's eyes snapped to mine and he smirked, reaching out for my ankle and tugging it lightly.

I released the death grip on my knees and let Edward take my foot. After putting more soap on the sponge, he stroked it over the bottom, then the top of my foot, paying special attention to my toes. He dipped my foot into the water to rinse away the suds, then lifted it again and pressed his lips to my arch, his tongue darting out briefly and making me shiver.

"Cold?" he asked, his mouth still on my foot and his eyes intent on mine.

I couldn't speak, so I just shook my head.

He smiled, then turned his attention to my leg, running the sponge over my calf… my shin… under my knee, and up and around my thigh. I tried – I _really_ tried – not to writhe and moan like a wanton hussy.

I think I did a relatively good job.

The sponge inched higher and higher, but just when I expected him to run it over the aching spot between my legs, he tucked my ankle over his hip, and reached for my other one. Starting with my toes, he repeated the same delicious, torturous procedure until I was on the verge of begging him to touch me… take me… whatever he wanted, as long as it involved him being deep inside of me.

Finally, he released my other leg, wrapping it over his hip as well before he set the sponge back on the side of the tub. He gently grasped my knees, and pulled me toward him… slowly… inch by inch… until we were so close I could feel his hardness brushing over my swollen flesh when I inhaled.

"Edward…" I begged. I couldn't verbalize what I was asking for, but I hoped to hell he knew.

His fingers ran up my thighs before touching my trembling center gently.

"Are you too sore?" he asked, his voice raspy… and I knew he was really hoping I'd say no.

In response, I grabbed his shoulders to pull myself up onto my knees, bringing us into the intimate contact I craved. My calves wrapped under Edward's muscular thighs, and I pushed my fingers into his hair as I took his mouth in a demanding kiss. I felt Edward's moan on my tongue as his fingers gripped harshly at my hips. His arms flexed as he lifted me slightly, and with one large thrust he was buried inside of me.

No pain this time – only the luscious full feeling of being joined with him… of being complete. It was like coming home.

The water lapped quietly in the steam-filled room as we moved together… the only other sounds our harsh pants and murmured endearments. It wasn't long before I felt the twisting tension curling deep in my belly, and I pulled Edward closer, wanting more of him.

It was never enough.

Edward broke our kiss, his head falling back on the edge of the tub as he thrust up to meet me. I gripped his shoulders tightly, my fingers struggling to hold onto something that would keep me tied to the earth.

Because it felt like I was about to go hurtling through space.

With his name on my lips, I came apart… muscles tightening and then relaxing in a cascading waterfall of pleasure. Edward tensed, his jaw rigid, his eyes clenched shut, and with a low groan he joined me. We clung to each other as we floated down from the pinnacle, trembling and awed.

"I love you, Mrs. Masen."

I smiled against Edward's shoulder. "I love you, Mr. Masen. You have no idea how much."

We sat like that for a moment, until the water grew tepid and the cooling air in the bathroom pebbled my skin. Edward reached for a towel, helping me out of the tub and wrapping me up tightly.

"I don't think I ever want to bathe alone again," he said with a wolfish grin. "I do hope the house we're renting in Altoona has a comfortable tub."

I gawked at Edward, naked and dripping in front of me. He seemed oblivious, though, and just grabbed another towel, wrapping it around his waist.

"You know," I said conversationally. "After all of that, I don't really feel so clean anymore."

Edward arched a brow. "Oh?"

I hooked a finger in his towel, pulling him closer. "Maybe we should try the shower," I murmured, pressing a kiss to his damp chest.

Edward gaped at me in surprise for a moment.

Then he smirked, dropped the towel, and reached for the faucet.

x-x

Our weekend honeymoon was over way too soon. We spent the majority of it in bed… and in the bathtub… and twice on the sitting room floor after we'd finally succumbed to our hunger and ordered room service.

We never ventured out of our suite.

It was absolute heaven.

But Sunday morning had to arrive eventually, and when it did, I pouted longingly as I watched Edward button up his shirt. He chuckled, flipping up his collar so he could tie his tie.

"What's wrong?" he asked with a grin.

He knew _exactly_ what was wrong.

"I don't want to leave," I admitted. "This weekend has been… amazing." I crossed the room, running my hands up his chest and around his neck. "Can't we just live here… in this room? The outside world has very little to offer really," I joked.

He leaned down to kiss me, running his tongue over my lips only briefly before pulling back. "It's tempting," he conceded. "But I need to move my things into the boarding house today… and we need to check out by eleven."

I grumped at him huffily before walking back over to my bag. I had changed into my tea dress and decided to wear the silk stockings that Edward's mother gave me. I sat down on the bed as I smoothed the silky fabric up over my legs, then slid the blue garters up to hold the tops, adjusting them carefully. Just as I was about to lower the hem of my dress, I jumped as Edward's fingers reached out to touch one of the garters. I hadn't heard him approach.

He cleared his throat. "Those are nice." His dark gaze took in the stockings and garters, and I noticed a very evident tenting in his trousers.

_Hmmm… interesting._

"Really?" I asked archly, pulling my dress up a little more as I leaned back on the bed, extending my legs on the rumpled sheets. I stretched slowly, lightly rubbing my thighs together and widening my eyes innocently. "You like them?"

Edward's gaze raked up and down my legs, then he reached out to trail a finger over the silk. "It's so soft," he murmured. He hooked a finger under one of the garters, mesmerized, as he slid it down my leg and off my foot.

"Maybe we have a few minutes," he acquiesced in a gravelly voice.

Needless to say, we were late checking out.

x-x

Edward had loaded all of his bags and boxes into the back of his car before the wedding, so after we left the hotel, we went straight to the boarding house. Maggie came rushing out of the kitchen when we arrived, wiping her hands on a towel.

"Oh, you're here!" she said excitedly, wrapping me in a tight hug, then popping up on her tiptoes to kiss Edward's cheek. Edward colored a little at the attention and he ran his hand through his hair nervously. Maggie eyed the bags in Edward's hands. "Let me help you with those."

She reached for one of the bags, but Edward stopped her. "That's really not necessary, Mrs. Oleson."

I raised an eyebrow and stage whispered to Maggie, "He won't let me carry anything either."

Edward rolled his eyes and Maggie shook her head. "Men. They're all the same, really. Fine… fine… I'll just show you up, then." She hooked her arm through mine and I started to protest that I knew the way to my own room, but Maggie cut me off. "How was your time away?"

I blushed, of course, and Maggie chuckled. "Say no more," she said, holding up a hand. "I can see you had a lovely time."

We topped the stairs and walked down the hallway to my room, Edward trailing behind us carrying the bags. Maggie took a step back as I neared the door and I shot her a curious look. She just shrugged, and seemed to be watching me expectantly. I reached for the knob and opened the door.

Something was different, and it took a moment for me to register what it was. My little twin bed had been replaced by a gorgeous four-poster bed that dwarfed the small room.

I looked at Maggie in shock.

She laughed. "Do you like it?"

I walked into the room – only a few steps because the bed barely allowed space for the door to open. I reached out to run my hand along the white eyelet bedspread.

"My dear Henry, God rest his soul, was a bit of a woodworker in his day," she explained. "He made the posts himself, but they've been in the basement just gathering dust since…" her voice trailed off. "Anyway, I'd almost forgotten it was down there, but I figured since the two of you would be staying in here, you needed something a bit larger."

I blinked back tears. "Maggie, it's beautiful… thank you. But you didn't need to do this… we'll be leaving in a week."

Maggie shushed me. "You'll be back. And it'll be here when you return." She turned to leave, then stepped forward to hug me again quickly. "Now, I've got some cookies in the oven, so I'll leave you two… to it," she said with a wink before leaving the room and pulling the door shut behind her.

Edward set the bags at the foot of the bed. "Well, that was really thoughtful of her," he said quietly.

I brushed away the wetness on my cheeks. "Yes, it was."

Edward wrapped his arms around me. "Are you all right?"

I nodded. "It's just… every now and then it hits me, you know? I'm going to miss Maggie so much… I'm going to miss all of them. We'll be leaving… and I don't know if I'll ever see them again."

Edward drew me closer, tucking my head under his chin and stroking my hair. "Maggie's a strong woman. I don't think the influenza has a chance against her."

I laughed. "Yes, you're probably right. She told me she'd see me again, you know. And Maggie's got a 'bit o' the sight,'" I added, imitating her brogue.

"Is that so?" Edward asked, pulling back to look into my face. "Well, I'll be sure to consult you both before making any future investments. I can't lose." He grinned.

His good humor was infectious. "Just pull out of the stock market before 1929," I advised. At Edward's shocked look, I laughed. I slid my hands under his jacket, rubbing gently at his back.

"You know," I said, tilting my head to kiss Edward's throat as I wrapped my hand around his tie. "We have this big bed now. It would be a shame to let it go to waste."

Edward swallowed noisily. "I should go get the boxes."

I trailed nibbling kisses over his jaw, popping up on my toes to suck his earlobe into my mouth before whispering, "The boxes can wait."

Edward growled and swept me up in his arms, throwing me onto the bed. I squealed as he pounced on top of me, hovering above my lips.

"It seems like a very sturdy bed," he murmured. "Remind me to thank Maggie, later."

I nodded and his mouth descended slowly to mine.

"Much later," he mumbled against my lips, the boxes long forgotten.

x-x

Eventually, we did retrieve the boxes, stacking them in a corner of my room… _our_ room.

The thought sent a thrill through me.

We'd joined the others for dinner, but retired early, amidst wide grins and a few snickers… mostly from Jared.

I couldn't find it in me to care, however.

Edward had made love to me again in our beautiful, comfortable bed. Afterward, we lay entangled, my head on his chest as Edward played with my hair.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"Nothing… everything," I admitted. "Altoona… your new job… school… the future."

Edward chuckled. "That does encompass a lot."

I stretched slightly, trailing my fingers up and down his side. "You're going to be working so hard at the factory… and going to school. I just worry about you."

"I'll be fine."

"I'd like to help."

"Bella…"

"Edward…" I mimicked.

"I thought we settled this," he said, a hint of stubbornness edging his voice. "You don't need to work."

"We didn't settle it," I argued, struggling to keep my voice calm. "You said you'd think about it."

Edward took a deep breath. "Bella," he began. "Don't you understand that it's important to me to be able to provide for you?"

I propped up on an elbow so I could look into his eyes. "I do understand that, but finances will be tight for a while. A little extra income could come in handy."

Edward closed his eyes, resting his forearm over them. "Our finances will be fine."

"But how are we even going to pay the rent until you get your first paycheck?"

"It's fine, Bella," he said in a firm voice.

"I don't understand."

He sighed heavily. "I have a small inheritance from my grandfather. It's not a lot, but it will be more than enough to pay the rent. And once I'm working, it will provide for all of our living expenses, plus a little extra. We'll be fine."

"An inheritance?" I repeated.

Edward nodded pulling me closer for a kiss. "Are we finished talking about this now?" he asked in a low voice, his hand dipping below the sheet to stroke at my hip.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, trying to stay focused while Edward's fingers tickled my skin and his lips nibbled at my neck.

"Tell you what?"

"About the inheritance."

Edward huffed. "Because it didn't concern you."

Incensed, I sat up, hugging the sheet across my breasts. "Didn't concern me?"

Edward reached for the sheet, not seeming to notice my irritation. "I told you I could take care of you."

I swatted at his hand, getting up from the bed and wrapping the sheet around me. "I don't need you to _take care_ of me," I argued. "I need for you to be honest with me."

"Bella, you're overreacting." Edward sat up and leaned against the headboard, running his fingers through his hair in aggravation. "I don't understand why you're so upset."

I took a deep, calming breath and walked over to sit on the bed next to him, struggling to come up with the words to make him see where I was coming from. I knew that equality in a marriage was a somewhat foreign concept to Edward… and understood that, traditionally, a man oversaw the finances – well, he oversaw everything, actually – and his wife kept her nose out of it. I hated feeling like a helpless doll, though… like I had nothing to contribute and no real purpose. It's not that I thought there was no value to being a wife and mother. I did. And once Edward and I did have children, I was looking forward to spending my time with them… raising them… loving them.

It was just the idea that Edward thought I had no right to know what was going on… that it was okay to cut me out of the decisions… that was what rankled.

"Edward," I began, biting my lip, "do you like liver?"

Edward blinked in surprise. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer me, please," I asked. "Do you like liver?"

Edward shrugged. "No. I hate it, actually. Can't stand the stuff."

I nodded. "Okay, now what if I decided that even though you don't like it, I should make liver for dinner once a week?"

"Why would you do that?"

"Because liver is good for you," I explained. "It's full of protein and iron."

Edward frowned. "But it's disgusting."

"Well, that's your opinion," I said loftily. "But as your wife, the kitchen is my responsibility, so it's my decision. And I've decided we should have liver once a week… it's for your own good, Edward. I only want to take care of you."

Edward's eyes narrowed in understanding. "It's not the same thing, Bella."

"Isn't it?" I asked, taking his hand and linking it with mine. "I want us to be partners in this marriage, Edward. I know you want me to rely on you… but I want… I _need_ for you to rely on me, too."

"I do," he said quietly. "More than you know."

I reached out to stroke his cheek. "I'm asking, Edward, that you let me be your partner… that you share _everything_ with me—"

"All I have is yours…" he interrupted, but I cut him off.

"I'm not talking about _things_ … about money," I explained. "I'm talking about burdens… worries… concerns. I want us to share the good things and the bad ones," I told him. "I want us to be there for each other, no matter what."

"I just want to protect you," he protested, his eyes soft.

I smiled. "I know. I want to protect you, too. But we're in this together… you and me," I pressed our joined hands to my heart. "And that means we have to trust each other. I need for you to confide in me and believe that I won't blab about it to other people, or use it against you. I need for my thoughts and opinions to matter."

He pulled my hand away, pressing his lips to the back of it. "Yours is the _only_ opinion that matters," he said quietly. "Why do you think we're moving to Altoona in the first place?"

I chuckled lightly. "Well, you've got me there."

Edward kissed my hand again. "I understand what you're saying, though, and I'll try to do better," he said. "It might take a little practice, though."

I smiled. "That's all I can ask."

"And if you have your heart set on getting a job…" he began.

My smile grew. "Only something part-time," I said excitedly. "I'd still have time to take care of everything around the house… and once we have kids—"

Edward pulled me down abruptly, kissing me hard as I sprawled across his chest. "We'll talk about it later," he growled.

He rolled us over quickly, pushing into me without warning in one quick thrust. "Speaking of kids… and practicing…" he murmured, sliding in and out deliciously slowly, eliciting a low moan as every thought flew out of my head.

"Practice makes perfect," I agreed.

x-x

The week flew by. In a lot of ways, our time at the boarding house was like a second honeymoon. Since neither one of us was working, Edward and I could spend every moment together. Still, I grew sad at the idea that soon I would be leaving everything familiar behind… and abandoning the people I loved to fight the influenza on their own.

The day before we were set to leave was warm and sunny. The humidity was uncharacteristically low, so everyone in the house spent the afternoon in the back yard enjoying the sunshine. We had pulled the kitchen table and chairs out onto the porch, and Tom, Samantha, Jared and Liza were sitting around it playing Whist. I had begged off, having no earthly idea how to play Whist, so Edward and I sat on the porch steps, listening to them argue and laugh. His parents had come by earlier in the day to take us to brunch and say their goodbyes. Mrs. Masen had hugged me tightly, asking me through her tears to take care of Edward.

Through my own tears I promised to try.

Edward leaned against the porch railing with his arm around my shoulders while I reclined against him. We'd talk occasionally, but most of the time we just enjoyed the quiet, Edward stroking my hair lightly.

Maggie, not one to sit and relax for any length of time, meandered through her garden, deadheading flowers and plucking a weed here and there. Even Alistair had joined the group and was in a far corner of the yard fiddling with an old camera and scribbling in his notebook. I guessed he was writing a gardening book or something. Every now and then he'd snap a photograph, then go back to writing whatever it was he was writing.

We ended up eating dinner on the porch as well, all of us seeming unwilling to let the day go. Eventually, though, the sun sank below the horizon and we were forced inside as the mosquitoes began to attack. Alistair made his way upstairs, but everyone else sat in the kitchen for a while, munching on Maggie's latest batch of chocolate chip cookies – she'd added walnuts this time – and drinking cold milk.

We laughed and talked, remembering some of the crazy things that had happened since I'd arrived in Chicago. Tom recounted the embarrassing story of our first encounter, when he'd had to carry me up to my room so Maggie could take off my corset before I passed out again. We giggled telling Edward and Samantha about Tom and Jared catching Alice, Maggie, Liza, and me singing and dancing to Cyndi Lauper in the living room (Edward wanted to know who Cyndi Lauper was, but I told him it wasn't important). Samantha, of course, had to describe my victory in the sack race against Tom when we'd all first met at the picnic at Lincoln Park. Edward was quick to point out that I still hadn't beaten him, but I just stuck my tongue out at him.

Maggie told everyone about how I had called Edward on the telephone and hung up, then he had called right back and she'd had to pretend not to know what was going on. I blushed furiously at that one, but Edward just kissed my hand and smiled softly at me.

Finally, the laughs were replaced by yawns and we knew we couldn't put it off any longer. Everyone except Maggie would be at work when we left for Altoona, so it was time for goodbyes. At the first hug – from Liza – I couldn't hold back the tears.

"Now, now," she murmured, patting my back. "It'll be all right. You'll both come back and visit, right?"

I nodded, and turned to hug Jared. "We'll see you soon," he said, planting a kiss on the top of my head. The two of them headed upstairs, followed by Maggie, who said she'd see us in the morning. I turned around and was quickly ensconced in a big old Samantha hug.

"I don't know what I'll do without you here," she said, tears falling down her cheeks as well. "I'm going to miss you so much!"

I squeezed her tightly. "I'm going to miss you, too," I said, choking on a sob. "Remember what I said about washing your hands, okay?"

Puzzled, she pulled back to look at me. "Bella, sometimes you say the strangest things." Her lips quirked and soon we were both laughing hysterically, tears of laughter mixed with tears of sadness.

Samantha turned to hug Edward, and I stood facing Tom. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I lifted up on my toes to wrap my arms around his neck.

"Thank you for bringing me here," I said quietly. "I don't know what would have happened to me if you hadn't."

Tom just nodded against my neck, giving me a gentle squeeze before releasing me. "Thank you," he replied, his eyes shooting briefly to Samantha, "for everything."

With more tears and promises to return for the wedding, Edward and I waved as Tom left to take Samantha home. He stood behind me, his arms around my waist, and I leaned back against him, once again drawing strength from his presence.

"Are you all right?" he asked, leaning down to kiss my cheek softly.

I nodded. "I just have to believe I'll see them all again," I said determinedly, wiping tears from my eyes. "It's the only way I can do this."

Edward squeezed me again, then took my hand to lead me inside, closing the front door behind me. A flash of movement caught my eye down the block. I smiled as I recognized a familiar figure.

"You go on up," I told Edward. "I'll just be a moment."

Edward tilted his head with a confused look, but pressed a kiss to my forehead before turning to head up the stairs. I stepped out onto the front porch, pulling the door closed quietly behind me.

It shouldn't have startled me when Carlisle appeared at the bottom of the steps, but of course it did. I jumped, my hand flying to my heart.

"Geez! Why do you guys _do_ that?" I exclaimed in exasperation, trying to keep my voice down. "You scared me to death!"

Carlisle smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

"What are you doing here?" I asked as he climbed a few steps.

Carlisle shrugged, his hands in his pockets. "I knew that you were leaving tomorrow, and I hoped to catch you before you'd gone."

"By lurking in the shadows?" I teased.

Carlisle grinned. "It _is_ what I do best."

I laughed. Carlisle smiled, then sobered as he pulled a newspaper out of his pocket. "I thought you might want to see this," he said, holding it out to me.

It was a copy of the New York Times from a couple of days before. Carlisle had folded the paper back to a small article headlined: _Spanish Influenza is Raging in the German Army; Grip and Typhus Also Prevalent Among Soldiers._

I glanced up at Carlisle before continuing to read. It was a report from London quoting Dutch sources that Influenza had grown to epidemic proportions all along the German front. The number of soldiers being sent to hospitals had risen rapidly over the past few days, forcing the creation of special hospitals to deal solely with the disease.

"This doesn't sound good," I murmured, reading aloud. "'Thus far only the more serious cases have been sent to the hospitals, but the German Army doctors say that, unless even the light cases are removed from the units, it will be difficult to prevent further spread of the epidemic.'"

Carlisle handed me a second newspaper. "Read this one."

The second article was dated a day later: _No Influenza in Our Army. Washington Has Had No Reports About German Forces._ I arched a brow at Carlisle, but he just shrugged and I read it aloud.

"'No advices have reached the War Department about the influenza among the German troops on the western front. The reported epidemic is not regarded here as having serious proportions.'" I glanced at Carlisle. "Who are they kidding?"

"It's called propaganda, Bella," he replied. "The Germans aren't the only ones who know how to use it."

I continued reading, "'The American troops have at no time shown any form of the disease. Precautions have already been ordered, however, to meet any emergency.'"

"The U.S. military would never admit to a weakness in the press," Carlisle explained. "It could too easily be exploited by the enemy."

I nodded in understanding, tucking the newspapers under my arm. "It just seems like people here should be told so they can be prepared."

"You've said yourself that there's really nothing much that can be done."

"Well, at least the government could isolate the sick," I pointed out. "Maybe that would help a little."

Carlisle just nodded sadly. "Well, I should be going," he said quietly. "It's getting late."

I nodded, feeling unbidden tears pricking my eyes. "We'll talk soon."

Carlisle handed me a small piece of paper. "My home address and telephone number," he explained. "It might be better to contact me there than at the hospital… fewer questions."

I took the paper and slipped it into my pocket. "Carlisle… I can't thank you enough… for my job… for being my friend… for always helping me…" The tears flowed freely now.

Carlisle climbed the last few steps until he was standing in front of me. "Shhh…" he whispered, pulling me into a light hug, his marble arms holding me gently. "You are my friend… one of very few I've had in a very long time," he added. He drew back, holding my shoulders. "And you gave me the greatest gift I've ever received… hope for the future. That far outweighs anything I've done for you." He leaned down to brush his cold lips over my forehead.

"Be safe," he murmured. "I'll be in touch."

I nodded and Carlisle walked lightly down the front steps. "Bye," I whispered, knowing he could hear me.

He didn't look back, though. He just walked briskly down the streets, and in a flash, he was gone.

x-x

_July 29, 1918_

_Dear Maggie,_

_As I write this, Edward is loading the last of the bags into the car. No, he didn't let me carry a single one. I may be able to get him to change his views on some things, but I have a feeling he'll never let me carry anything heavier than a frying pan._

_I can't begin to thank you for everything you've done for me since I came to Chicago. You gave me a place to stay when I had nowhere else to go… no one else to turn to. For that I will be eternally grateful._

_But, beyond that, you were my friend… always ready with advice when I needed it… a shoulder to cry on… a willing ear and an open heart. Yours is a friendship I will treasure forever._

_Over the next few months, I have one thing to ask: Be careful. I can't explain to you how I know this, but something bad is coming to Chicago. It's a deadly disease that will kill a lot of people. I'm probably breaking all kinds of rules telling you this, but I couldn't leave without at least warning you. I know that out of everyone, you would be one who would believe me… who would understand. Please watch out for the others. There's not much more I can tell you other than to stay away from those infected… wash your hands a lot… wear a mask if you have to go out when it gets really bad. If you have questions, ask Dr. Cullen. He knows what's coming and can help if you need him._

_Just take care of yourself… please._

_You say we'll meet again, and I trust you that it is true. I look forward to it. Until then, I'll miss you… and I promise to keep in touch._

_Love,_

_Bella_

I folded the letter, placing it in the envelope and sealing it before writing Maggie's name across the front and resting it against the vase on my dresser. I took one last look around the room that had been home to me for four months.

Sighing, I walked out, leaving the door open as I went downstairs. As I expected, Maggie was waiting by the front door, watching Edward load the car. She turned to me with a smile, but I could see the sadness in her eyes.

"I guess it's time," I said brightly, trying not to cry.

Maggie just nodded and held out her arms. I went to her and hugged her tightly.

"Maggie… I…"

"Hush now," she interrupted, as I knew she would. That was why I wrote the letter.

I pulled back, brushing at my eyes and said simply, "Thank you."

She nodded again, squeezing my hand gently. "I'll see you soon."

Edward sprang lightly up the front porch steps, leaning down to kiss Maggie lightly on the cheek. "Thank you for everything," he said.

Maggie smiled, but her eyes were bright with tears.

Edward turned to me, extending his hand. "We really need to get going."

I took his hand and allowed Edward to lead me to the car. Once I'd settled inside, I leaned out the open window, waving to Maggie as we pulled away. I watched her until she blurred in my teary vision, then turned to look out the windshield as Edward and I drove toward our new home.

x-x

Altoona, Wisconsin was a sleepy little town just a few miles from Eau Claire. Well, I say it was sleepy, but that might just have been me.

It had taken all day for us to drive to the little house we'd be renting on the outskirts of town, and by the time we arrived, night had fallen, so I could make out very little of the surrounding neighborhood. I yawned as we searched for the turn off the main street.

"Tired?" Edward asked.

I laughed. "Beyond tired… but it must be worse for you. I told you I could have driven a little bit so you could sleep."

Edward scoffed. Despite the fact that I had driven him home the night he got so drunk, he was still leery to have me behind the wheel of his precious motorcar.

I rolled my eyes with another yawn. _Baby steps._

"I think this is it," Edward said quietly, turning into a gravel driveway. Instantly, my exhaustion faded, replaced by excitement as seeing our first home.

Not waiting for Edward to open my door, I got out of the car, shrugging at his frown and grabbing his arm. "It's perfect," I said enthusiastically.

Edward examined the little house critically. "It's not very large," he said skeptically.

I bounced on my toes. "No… it's perfect," I said again.

It was small… a cottage, really, white with blue shutters and a blue front door. Window boxes bordered the two windows flanking the door, overflowing with red geraniums. A stone path wound through the tiny front lawn, and I tugged Edward's arm eagerly.

"I want to see the inside."

Edward grinned, obviously encouraged by my excitement. He lifted the front doormat.

"My uncle said the landlord would leave the key here," he said, squinting in the dim light before spotting the elusive key. He held it up with a flourish and I grinned widely at him as he unlocked the front door.

He turned the key, then the knob… but the door wouldn't open.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Edward grunted as he pushed against the door. "I think it's stuck."

"Are you sure it's unlocked?"

He flashed me an exasperated look. "Yes, I'm sure it's unlocked… it's just…" He shoved his shoulder against the door. "…swollen… or the paint must have stuck…" Finally, he took a step back, took a deep breath and slammed into the door. With a shudder, it gave, swinging open as Edward flew through, almost tripping over his feet on the way.

He stood up, straightening his jacket. "See?" he said proudly. I giggled, and took a step inside.

"Wait!" Edward ordered.

I froze. "What's the matter?"

He took a few wide strides my direction, pulling me back out onto the front stoop.

"Edward?" I began, but then squealed as he swept me up into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my lips to his as he carried me over the threshold. Once we were inside, he kicked the door shut, lowering my legs to the floor, but holding me tightly to him. When the door blew open again, he muttered a curse, and released me, moving back to close it firmly.

"I'm going to need to fix that door," he grumbled as we turned to take in our surroundings. I flipped on a light switch and smiled at the comfortable sofa and armchair facing a wide stone fireplace. We had opted on renting a furnished home, knowing that we wouldn't be staying forever and there wasn't really a point moving furniture, only having to move it again in a few months.

A rug, slightly threadbare, but still comfortable-looking, covered the worn hardwood floors. A low wooden table was centered on the rug and a pretty lamp sat on another small table between the chair and sofa. Through a doorway on the left, I could see a little kitchen, to the right, the hallway that I assumed led to the two bedrooms and bathroom.

"I'm going to get our bags while you explore," Edward said, leaning down to kiss me softly. "I think I'll leave the boxes for morning, though."

I just nodded, flipping on the light in the hallway. I was thrilled that we'd actually have electricity, as many of the homes in outlying areas did not. Edward had told me they'd been able to bring the wires in through the gas pipes that were already in place. Our landlord had panicked when he'd read about the dangers of gas lighting and quickly converted all his properties to electric.

I peered into the first bedroom. It was tiny, and a wooden desk and chair sat in front of the room's only window. Another cozy rug lay in front of the desk, and to the right, a tall bookshelf, perfect for all of Edward's books. Although we hadn't brought much with us, other than clothing, we knew he would need his books for school.

Across from the office was the little bathroom, complete with a clawfoot tub, but no shower. I heard Edward coming into the house and he appeared beside me, carrying our bags. He peered into the bathroom, and grinned when he spotted the tub, turning to wink at me. I just shook my head at him as we continued down the hall to the larger bedroom.

I absolutely loved it.

It wasn't huge… not much bigger than my room at the boarding house, really. But above the bed was a huge bay window. I peeked out through the heavy drapes, and couldn't see much in the darkness but the shadows of trees blowing in the breeze. The bed itself was smaller than the one at Maggie's, but definitely big enough, the mattress high enough so I'd need to step on something to get into bed. The iron headboard was delicately twisted scrolls and metal roses and the bed was covered with a pale blue coverlet and piles of pillows.

"My mother made sure everything would be ready for us," Edward explained.

I just smiled distractedly as I took in the rest of the room… more hardwood floors with rugs in varying shades of blue scattered about… a dark, gleaming wooden dresser… and, when I opened a door next to it, even a small closet.

"What do you think?" Edward asked quietly, watching me closely for my reaction.

I grinned at him, throwing my arms around his neck. "I absolutely love it!"

Edward beamed. "I'm glad."

I released him, deciding to play with him a little. "There is one problem, though," I said thoughtfully, tapping my finger against my lips as I ran my hand over the bedspread.

Edward looked worried. "Problem?"

I nodded, patting the bed lightly, then pressing more firmly against the soft mattress. "The bed," I said, shaking my head and trying not to laugh.

"The bed?" Edward repeated, his eyes running over the mattress and headboard searchingly. "What's wrong with the bed?"

"Well, look at it, Edward!" I waved my hands in mock exasperation. "It's so high! How in the world am I supposed to get in it?"

Edward's eyes narrowed and I giggled as he grabbed me around the waist, lifting me up and tossing me onto the bed.

"If there's one thing you'll never have to worry about," he growled, pulling off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt quickly, "it's getting into my bed."

I shrieked as he shed the rest of his clothes and dove on top of me.


	30. Of First Days and Falling-Outs

  


_Gillette Tire Company, 1917_

**" _ **Between a man and his wife nothing ought to rule but love."**_**

_**\- William Penn** _

**Chapter 29 – Of First Days and Falling-Outs**

I woke early, a half an hour before the alarm clock we'd set on the nightstand had a chance to ring. I slipped out of bed, circling it quickly to flip the switch on the clock, trying not to wake Edward. It was his first day of work at the tire factory and he needed his sleep – especially after our rather vigorous activities of the night before.

I watched him sleep, a small smile lighting my face as my eyes raked over his form. He was on his side – half on his stomach – facing away from me. The sheet was bunched around his waist, one lean leg thrown across the rumpled bedding, and the arm that had been tucked around me now laying across my pillow. His back rose and fell slowly with even breaths, and I winced slightly at the red marks I now saw streaking across his shoulder blades… marks I had made as I neared climax.

Was it the first time? Or the second? I wasn't sure, but I found I couldn't feel guilty about the scratches when Edward had so obviously enjoyed himself as well. I didn't think I'd ever tire of watching him come apart as he hovered over me. The thought made tingles run down my spine and I rubbed my arms to dispel the goose bumps.

I sighed to myself, leaning down to touch Edward's messy hair and plant a soft kiss on his temple before pulling on my nightgown and bathrobe and leaving the room quietly.

I wanted to make Edward breakfast – the first time I'd do so as his wife. While we were at the boarding house, Maggie did the cooking, of course, but now that we were on our own – and Edward was starting his new job – I wanted to do it right. I made my way into the kitchen, flipping on the overhead light and getting a better look at the little room. It was bright, with white cabinets and pale yellow walls. The stove was gas, not electric, and sat against the far wall. A small dining table with two chairs occupied a little nook to my left, with windows looking out on the back yard. I peeked out the glass of the back door next to the nook to find a small covered porch with a washing machine tucked against the wall. That was a relief. I was half worried I'd be washing clothes in the kitchen sink.

I held my breath slightly as I pulled open a small icebox. To my relief, Edward's mother had made sure it was stocked with bacon, eggs, cheese, and milk – as well as a small roast and a couple of steaks I could use for dinner. A search of the cupboards turned up basic staples, as well as a bottle of real maple syrup.

That settled it. Pancakes.

I found a box of matches on top of the stove and lit it, pulling a cast-iron pan out of the oven to fry the bacon and using an old percolator to start some coffee. Fortunately, I'd always been of the "make it from scratch" school when it came to pancakes, so whipping the batter together was pretty easy, even without a recipe. I was just draining the bacon when Edward padded into the room. His hair stood on end and he yawned widely, rubbing his eyes. He'd pulled on his pants, but was shirtless and barefoot.

I was finding I was actually quite partial to shirtless, barefoot Edward.

"I woke up and you weren't there," he mumbled sleepily, walking over to stand behind me at the stove. His arms circled my waist and he pulled me up against his chest, pulling my hair back over my shoulder so he could kiss my cheek. "I missed you," he murmured against my skin.

"I wanted to make you breakfast." I tipped my head as his lips drifted to my neck. "Are you hungry?"

Edward nibbled gently and I felt him smile. "Starving," he growled, and my body heated.

"Edward," I said breathlessly as he reached down to untie the sash holding my bathrobe closed. "Don't you have to get ready for work?"

His hands slid inside my robe, drifting over my stomach and up to my breasts. I could feel the heat of his hands through the thin cotton of my nightgown and unconsciously arched forward into them, my head falling back onto his shoulder.

"I have time," he replied quietly, his fingers tracing lazy circles around my hardened peaks. He pushed the collar of my robe aside with his chin and brushed his lips across my shoulder. "I always have time for you."

God. He said the sweetest things.

My robe fell off my shoulder, followed by the strap of my nightgown as Edward dipped his hand inside to capture my breast. His lips continued their wet tracing of my shoulder as he massaged me gently, and I couldn't hold back a moan at the sensation. His other hand gripped my waist tightly and I could feel the evidence of his arousal against my lower back. Without thinking, I pressed back into him, hearing him groan in response.

Abruptly, he pulled his hand from my nightgown and spun me around to face him.

"The stove," I managed to squeak out before his lips descended on mine. I felt him fumbling behind me, turning off the burners, before his arms finally pulled me close… pressed up against him from head to toe… my favorite place in the world. No longer slow or tentative, Edward's kiss was hot and demanding, stealing my breath until I felt a wave of dizziness. My hands drifted from his bare chest to his shoulders, reveling in the flex of his muscles and gripping tightly to his already dampening skin to keep from collapsing.

Suddenly, he lifted me up, shifting to the side until I was sitting on the counter next to the stove. He shoved the pancake bowl and ingredients aside, the bag of flour toppling over and sending a streak of white across the counter and onto the floor.

"Sorry," he muttered into my mouth.

"Doesn't matter," I replied, but the words were absorbed by his tongue.

Frantic now, Edward shoved my robe from my shoulders and I pulled my arms from the sleeves anxiously, reaching up to grab at his hair. His hands drifted to my thighs, shoving the thin fabric of my nightgown up until he could stroke at my bare skin. I gasped, breaking free of his kiss and his mouth locked on my neck, licking and teasing me as he pulled me forward on the countertop. Unable to think – only to feel – I found myself wrapping my legs around his hips, writhing shamelessly against him as he bucked back against me.

Good God. Who knew kitchen sex was so hot?

Edward pulled back only long enough to unbutton his pants. His chest heaved with uneven breaths, and when his eyes locked on mine they looked almost crazed and desperate.

I knew the feeling.

I reached between us to grasp at his erection and his head fell back, his eyes clenching shut as he let out a low groan. I felt a wave of power and pleasure surge through me as I stroked him, marveling at the feel of his length on my palm and the way Edward was reacting to what I was doing. His fingers gripped my hips through my nightgown, flexing to the rhythm of my stroking, and his jaw clenched tightly. Actually, it seemed like every muscle in Edward's body was clenched tightly – ridges and valleys criss-crossing his stomach and chest as he thrust against my hand.

Finally, his eyes flew open, and in one fluid motion he pulled my stroking hand away, and entered me forcefully, our moans mingling in the air. My hands flew to the counter behind me, knocking over the baking soda… or baking powder… I wasn't entirely sure at that moment. I braced myself against Edward's insistent movements, once again wrapping my legs around his waist. He held tightly to my hips, pulling me toward him with each grinding stroke. This was no slow burn… it was a raging fire. Our ragged breaths and barely restrained groans floated around us. I fell back on my elbows as Edward continued to plunge into me, knocking the eggs onto the floor. His face was rigid, all harsh lines and taut tendons, and a sheen of sweat coated his hot skin.

He leaned forward over me, wrapping his hands under my shoulders, creating the perfect friction that he had learned would push me over the edge. I buried my face in his neck, inhaling his scent as my fingers once again scratched at his back. I heard a crash on the edges of my awareness, but my only focus was the pleasure twisting deep within me, suddenly exploding into a blinding release.

"Yes…" Edward grunted into my shoulder, reaching his own climax as I was still screaming from mine. We clung to each other, shuddering through the intensity before collapsing in an exhausted heap of sweaty limbs and rumpled clothing. Our breathing steadied and I could feel the beats of our hearts, synchronized with the ticking of the kitchen clock. I loved the feel of Edward sprawled over me, but my legs were falling asleep.

"Edward, I need to get up," I said, kissing his neck once. He twitched slightly, then pushed himself off of me. He held out a hand to help me up, but I was surprised when he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked, hooking my feet around his knees to stop him from backing away.

Edward reached down to pull the hem of my nightgown down gently, then between us to tuck himself back into his pants.

"I… I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked in a quiet voice, still not looking up.

"Hurt me?" I repeated in shock. "No, of course not."

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he added, his face reddening as his eyes flashed up to mine briefly. "I don't know what happened."

I laughed. "What happened? We just had incredibly hot kitchen sex!"

Edward flushed further. "I didn't mean to lose control like that. I don't know what came over me." He tried to step back again, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Edward, do you hear me complaining?"

"I should have been more gentle." He finally looked at me, and when I saw the shame in his eyes, my heart broke.

"Edward," I tilted my head up to brush my lips over his. "I liked it. No, scratch that. I absolutely _loved_ it."

Edward looked at me doubtfully. "You did?"

I nodded. "I'm not a china doll, you know. And – not that I have a lot of experience with it – but after that, I've got to admit I like it a little rough sometimes." I grinned at him wickedly.

The corner of Edward's mouth quirked slightly. "You do?"

"Uh huh," I said, arching an eyebrow and running my fingers through his hair. "You can feel free to take me on the kitchen counter whenever you like." I kissed him quickly, but deeply, dipping my tongue into his mouth for just a moment. I pulled back and he grinned at me.

"I'll keep that in mind," he said.

"Although," I added with a smile, taking in the spilled flour and cracked eggs splattered around us. "It might be a good idea to clean the counter off first."

Edward laughed. "Good point, Mrs. Masen." He stepped back and I hopped down off the counter, pulling my bathrobe on. I lifted up on my toes to kiss him again.

"You need to go get ready for work," I reminded him. "I'll clean up this mess and finish making breakfast." My eyes fell to the smashed bowl on the floor amidst a puddle of pancake batter and I frowned slightly. "I guess pancakes are out. I hope you like toast."

Edward smiled. "I love toast," he murmured, kissing me before stepping around the mess and heading out of the kitchen.

I surveyed the damage, and couldn't keep from smiling as I wiped batter and eggs off the white linoleum floor. I had cleaned up the worst of it and popped some bread into the oven to toast when Edward came back in the room – fully dressed this time – his hair damp and combed into some semblance of order.

After a hurried breakfast of toast, cold bacon and coffee, I handed him a sack lunch and he kissed me thoroughly at the door. He walked toward his car, only to turn around, stride back to me quickly and kiss me again.

"I'll see you tonight," he said with a grin. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I replied. "Have a good day, dear," I called out jokingly, waving from the front door as he got into his car.

I had been worried about Edward working at the Gillette Tire factory, not only because of the number of employees increasing his risk of exposure to the influenza, but also because I knew that safety was not a big concern in factories during this time. I was relieved when he'd told me that he would actually be working in the shipping office. Because of his exceptional math skills, he'd be helping out with the bookkeeping, taking orders over the phone and through the mail, and general clerical work. He'd only be working closely with a couple of other people.

It was the best I could hope for.

For the next month, Edward would be working full time at the factory. When school started, he'd attend classes in the mornings in Altoona, then head to Eau Claire for work in the afternoons. I would have felt better if I could have locked him in a room somewhere, hidden away from all of humanity until the danger had passed, but I knew that was unrealistic.

I sighed as I walked back into the house, shoving the door hard to close it behind me. I'd managed to get Edward out of Chicago. God knows I'd probably screwed up the future with all my meddling – not only with Edward, but with all the others as well, but I'd done what I'd set out to do. I'd done all that I could.

I hoped that it was enough.

x-x

Over the next couple of weeks we finally got into a routine. Edward would spend his days at work… and his nights with me. Once we'd christened the kitchen, and Edward realized I had a bit of a naughty side, he decided it was important for us to try out all the rooms in the cottage… and all the furniture. The kitchen table was a particular favorite. He'd even driven home one day on his lunch break, saying he just couldn't wait to be with me again. I'd laughed and teased him about wanting a nooner. He'd asked me what a nooner was as he chased me up the stairs, waiting impatiently at the bathroom door as I got my pessary.

The thing was a pain in the neck sometimes, but I really didn't want to risk a pregnancy until the epidemic was over. After our nooner, I'd even taken to carrying it around in a little cloth bag in my pocket so I could insert it at a moment's notice.

Seriously, I was like a pessary ninja – inhumanly fast.

Edward was insatiable when it came to sex, but I had to admit, I was pretty insatiable myself. After the months of waiting, we were like two kids in a candy store and we couldn't get enough of each other. It wasn't always rough and raunchy and hot. Sometimes it was slow and sweet… and hot.

Yeah, it was pretty much always hot.

We didn't spend all of our time together in bed, however. Sometimes we'd spend our evenings sitting in the living room reading, or just talking about our day. We'd had dinner a few times with Edward's Uncle Maynard – his mother's brother – who lived just a few blocks away. He lived alone, and was somewhat incapacitated by a lung condition, so seemed to welcome the company.

Our cottage had a back porch overlooking the little yard and sometimes we'd lie on the grass and look up at the clouds or the stars, Edward's head resting on my stomach as I played with his hair. I loved our time together. It made me forget about everything else. But when Edward was away, it all came crashing back and I found myself obsessed and worrying again.

About a week after our arrival in Altoona, I got a letter from Carlisle. He told me there had been reports of a virulent strain of influenza in Pennsylvania. He said officials were assuring the public that it was nothing to worry about, but of course, I knew better. Even if the case in Pennsylvania was some other strain of the disease, I knew it was only a matter of time before the epidemic hit. Every day… every week… brought it closer, like a looming specter waving a scythe over the heads of everyone I loved.

I made a daily trek to the little Altoona library, scanning newspapers for any new reports, then stopping by the post office on the way home. Samantha wrote regularly as did Maggie, and I'd even received a short note from Tom. I rarely wrote letters in the past – e-mail was so much more efficient – but there was something meaningful about communicating in that way. It said something that a friend took the time to sit down and write out their thoughts just for you.

I don't know, maybe it was just me, but I'd never think of letter-writing as quaint or outdated again.

Every few days I'd stop by the general store to pick up groceries and call Carlisle on the phone for a nickel. Other than the report in Pennsylvania, and conflicting news from Europe, he had very little to add, but it was good to hear his voice all the same. His trips to visit Esme had become more frequent, but he assured me he was keeping his distance and she had no idea he was around.

Yet another situation that I may have screwed up, even though I had good intentions.

I felt like I was wallowing, if not in self-pity, then in doubt, and after two weeks, I'd had enough. I was obsessing about the epidemic, even though there was nothing I could do about it. Even if I screamed from the rooftops that it was coming, there was no way to stop it – and I'd most likely be locked up as a crazy person on top of it. So I decided I needed to take a break, if only for a day, and asked Edward if I could ride to Eau Claire with him.

"What are you going to do all day while I'm at work?" he asked over breakfast. "I suppose I could drive you home during my lunch hour." He wiggled his eyebrows with a wicked grin, and I knew another nooner was on his mind.

I just rolled my eyes at him. "That would be wonderful, but if you're too busy to leave, it's no problem. I just want to explore the town a bit, maybe find a bookstore."

Edward helped me clean up the dishes and we got in the car for the short ride to Eau Claire. Edward pointed out a few landmarks along the way, telling me Eau Claire was originally a logging town and came to be known as "Sawdust City" for all the sawmills and factories making everything from furniture to electric motors. At the turn of the century, though, the lumber industry collapsed and the future looked dire, at least until Raymond Gillette came to town and set up the Gillette Tire Company. (I had no idea if he was related to whoever came up with Gillette razors or not.) The factory was now Eau Claire's biggest employer.

As we crossed over the Eau Claire River, I turned to Edward. "Your parents are still coming next week, right?" It was the middle of August, and I'd been worried about whether Edward would be able to convince his parents to visit so soon. They'd been eager, though, saying they just had to wait for the end of a big case his father was working on. Because our cottage was so small, they were going to stay with Edward's uncle.

"As far as I know, yes," Edward told me. "I need to telephone them toward the end of the week to confirm our plans."

I nodded, feeling a little relief at knowing we were at least going to try and help Mr. and Mrs. Masen. I wasn't sure how we'd get them to stay here once they arrived, but we'd cross that bridge when we came to it.

Edward seemed to read my mind. "It will be all right," he assured me. "They'll come."

"But will they stay?"

Edward sighed. "We'll just have to do our best to persuade them," he said. "I think once the influenza begins to spread it will be easier."

"I hope so," I muttered, feeling the recognizable worry twisting in my stomach. "But that won't be for a while. What do we do in the meantime?"

Edward seemed to ponder for a moment, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel. "Well, we'll do what we can. I'll ask my father to help me with repairs around the house – that blasted door, for example. We can work on painting the bedroom, fixing the back porch."

He turned to me with a grin. "And if all else fails, there is your condition to consider."

I rolled my eyes. "You can't be serious."

"Well, you'll need your rest. I'm sure my parents will be more than happy to help out."

I frowned. "I hate lying to them. Taking advantage of them like that."

"I know," Edward agreed, the smile falling from his face as he turned a corner. "But given all you've told me, it's for their own good, isn't it?"

"Yes," I said weakly. Their lives depended on it, after all. What were a few white lies when compared to that?

"Then we'll do what we have to do," Edward said firmly, pulling his car to a stop in the parking lot of the tire factory. "We'll keep them here until the epidemic begins. Then convince them to stay until it's over."

"You make it seem so easy."

"Bella, listen to me," he said, reaching out to take my hand. "We can do this. We _will_ do it… together. Trust me, all right?"

And in that moment, I looked into his eyes – so filled with determination and promise – and I really believed it was possible.

x-x

I left Edward at the factory and set off on foot. Edward actually offered to let me take the car – shock of all shocks – but I was looking forward to exploring the city, and to be honest, I had yet to master driving the Chevrolet.

I wandered back across the Eau Claire River, then walked down the quiet street, the muddy waters of the Chippewa on my right. It was relaxing. The sun was out, but it wasn't too hot, and I paused for a moment to tilt my face up toward the warm rays. The smell of baking bread wafted my way, and I followed the smell to find a small bakery across the street. It was still early, so I wasn't really hungry, but I bought a fresh roll anyway, because it just smelled so incredibly good.

I was kind of a sucker for fresh bread.

Munching on my roll I continued down the street, following a bend in the river and smiling when I saw a small bookstore. Swallowing the last of my roll, I went inside, inhaling the familiar scent of musty paper and leather.

Bookstores always smelled the same. It was like coming home.

I browsed the stacks, running my fingers along the spines and pulling out whatever caught my eye. It was a little more difficult to catch my eye, however, since none of the books had colorful covers, catchy titles, or summaries on the back.

It definitely wasn't Barnes and Noble, but I loved it anyway.

After an hour or so of looking around, I decided on a few novels that looked promising, as well as a book about baseball that I thought Edward might like. I went up to the front counter to pay with a smile on my face.

The young man behind the counter returned my smile. "Did you find everything you were looking for?"

"I think so," I replied, handing him the books.

His eyes flicked up at my response. "Flatlander, eh?"

"Flatlander?"

"From down south?"

"Oh, yes." I laughed. "My husband and I just moved here from Chicago." _My husband_. The word was still new. Nice, but new.

He nodded, adding up my purchases on a pad of paper. "How are you finding our fine city?"

"It's my first time exploring it, actually," I told him. "We live in Altoona and I just thought I'd come see what there is to see."

We chatted a bit more as I paid for the books, and he told me about a few of the highlights of the town… a nice park nearby, and a small café where I might like to have lunch.

As I was about to leave, a thought came to me and I turned back to him. "You don't by chance need anyone to work here, do you?"

He laughed. "Me? No. I barely make enough to keep food on my own table."

I nodded. "Just thought I'd check." I reached for the door.

"You might try down at the Normal School, though," he called out after me.

_Normal School? As opposed to an Abnormal School?_

I didn't want to look like an idiot, so I just said, "Oh, yeah?"

He nodded. "My cousin works there and said they might be looking for someone to help out a few hours a week. He asked me, but I can't really leave the store." He rounded the counter and pointed through the window. "It's just down the way a bit. Big brick building. You can't miss it."

"Do you know who I should talk to?" I asked.

"Just go into the office. They'll be able to help you out," he replied. I thanked him and left the store, following his directions to the so-called Normal School.

  


_Eau Claire State Normal School_

According to the sign outside the two-story brick building, it was actually the Eau Claire State Normal School. The campus was relatively quiet, I assumed because the fall term had yet to begin. I walked into the building and entered the first door I found. Fortunately, it appeared I was in the right place. An older woman with red hair, who reminded me a little of Maggie, looked up from her desk as I entered and came to greet me.

"May I help you?" she asked.

An hour later I had a job. I couldn't believe it. I actually had a job.

It turned out the Normal School was a school for teachers. This one in particular also had a program for those who wanted to become school principals. The woman in the front office – Lydia Tennyson was her name – told me they needed someone for two to three hours a day to help with filing, typing letters, that kind of thing. She was impressed with the experience I had working for Carlisle and offered me the position on the spot. No resume. No reference checks. No drug test. She just offered me the job.

The best part: employees could take one free class a quarter. I could go to college for free. I'd never actually thought about becoming a teacher, but now the thought kind of appealed to me. Of course, I didn't know if I'd actually be able to get that far – I didn't even know how long we'd be in Wisconsin, let alone what the future held beyond the epidemic. Still, I was excited about the idea.

I spent the rest of the day on a bit of a high. I had a lunch of incredible vegetable soup and hot rolls at the café the bookstore owner had recommended, then spent a little time sitting in a park by the river just enjoying the quiet. By the time I walked back to the tire factory, I only had about a half an hour to wait until Edward was finished with work. I sat in the car and before I knew it, the day of walking and excitement caught up to me and I fell asleep.

I vaguely registered Edward getting into the car and pressing a kiss to my temple. I didn't fully wake, though, the rumbling of the car lulling me back into unconsciousness. Finally, the car came to a bumping stop and I jolted awake to find we were parked in front of the cottage.

"Hello, sleepyhead," Edward said with a grin, leaning over to kiss me lightly.

I smiled into his mouth, yawning when he pulled away and stretching as much as I could within the confines of the car. "I guess I kind of conked out for a bit."

"Conked out?" Edward's eyebrows rose, but I just shrugged. He had kind of gotten used to my odd vernacular, so he just got out of the car and rounded it to open my door.

We walked hand in hand into the cottage, and I started toward the kitchen to find something easy to fix for dinner. Edward didn't release my hand though, pulling me toward him firmly before wrapping his arms around my waist. He leaned down until his lips almost touched mine.

"I really missed you today," he said quietly before taking my breath away with a long, slow kiss. My knees buckled slightly, and I felt him chuckle into my mouth before he pulled back. "Are you all right?"

I inhaled deeply. "Have I mentioned that you're a really, really good kisser?" I asked, gripping his upper arms as I tried to regain my balance.

He laughed. "I would say the same applies to you, my love," he replied, kissing me once more softly. "Now, how can I help you with dinner?"

I looked at him in shock. "You want to help me cook?"

Edward looked indignant. "I'm not completely useless in the kitchen, you know."

I couldn't resist smirking at him. "I'm well aware of your expertise in the kitchen. I didn't realize it actually extended to cooking, though."

Edward just laughed and pulled me toward the ice box. "Well, after we have something to eat, perhaps we can explore my other culinary skills."

We were both tired, so we decided to just have a couple of omelets and toast. Edward sliced up some cheese while I beat the eggs and readied the frying pan.

"How was your day today?" he asked, handing me the plate of sliced cheese, and taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"Fantastic," I said with a smile. "I really liked Eau Claire… and I found a bookstore. I bought you a book, by the way. And oh! I almost forgot! I got a job!"

Edward looked confused. "You got a job?"

"Yes," I replied, enthusiastically. I couldn't believe I hadn't told him my news right away, but I was still a little groggy from the ride home, and then the kiss… Edward was very distracting.

"It's at the Normal School in Eau Claire. I told them about my work at the hospital and they offered me the job on the spot! It's just perfect – only a few hours a week, and I can take classes for free!" I was so excited that it took a moment for me to realize that Edward was being uncharacteristically silent. And he had a rather unhappy look on his face.

In fact, if I had to put a name on Edward's expression it would have to be… _furious_.

"Edward?" I said hesitantly. "Is something wrong?"

Edward cleared his throat, running his hands through his hair slowly. "Are you saying you took a job today… without discussing it with me first?" His voice was low and angry.

"I don't understand," I answered, butterflies erupting in my stomach. "I thought you were okay with me working."

Edward's eyes flashed as his voice rose. "I said we'd talk about it. I definitely didn't think you'd go off and get a job without asking me!"

"Asking you?" I repeated loudly, bristling at the intimation. "I wasn't aware I needed your permission to do anything!"

Edward stood abruptly, his fists clenched in agitation. "It's not about permission, it's about respect!"

"Respect goes both ways, Edward!" I was yelling now, my hands on my hips.

"You're my wife!" he growled, slapping a hand on the table.

"That doesn't mean you can tell me what to do!" I exclaimed in exasperation.

"No, no one can tell _you_ what to do!" he roared. "You know what's best for everyone, don't you?"

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"I means you're not always right, Bella!" he exclaimed. "You might have some insight that the rest of us don't, but you don't know everything!"

I glared at him, turning to stomp out of the kitchen. "I never claimed to know everything!"

"Didn't you?" he countered, following me into the living room. "You took this job, and never thought about how it would affect anyone else!"

"It won't!" I shouted. "Don't worry, Edward, your precious dinner will be on the table on time. And there won't be a dust bunny to be found. It won't affect you at all!"

"That's not what I mean—"

I cut him off, venom spitting from my mouth. "I can perform all my oh-so-important wifely duties if that's all you care about!" I reached for the front door.

"Where are you going?" Edward asked angrily.

"Out!" I shrieked. "And I'm not asking permission! And it's not up for discussion! I'm going out!" I walked out the door, slamming it behind me and growling when it flew back open. I glared at Edward again and pulled the door shut firmly, and took off down the street.

I had no idea where I was going. I just was so angry I needed to walk it off. After half a block, I expected Edward to come after me, but he didn't, so I kept walking… past the library and the general store… past his uncle's house and the little school just down the street. I finally collapsed on the grass at the little park next to Altoona Lake. I sat with my arms wrapped around my knees gazing out over the water and wallowing in my anger and frustration.

Where did Edward get off telling me what to do? How dare he tell me I needed to ask permission to get a job!

Although, now that I thought about it, he hadn't actually said that. A sinking feeling settled in my stomach as I wondered if maybe I might have overreacted a little.

The sun was just going down and most of the people in the park were heading home. I smiled at a young couple holding hands with their little boy. Every now and then he'd pick up his feet and they'd swing him along.

I took a deep breath and thought back over our argument. I bit my lip as I realized that Edward hadn't actually been angry about the job itself. It was the fact that I took it without discussing it with him first. Something that I'd been nagging him about almost since we'd first met.

I lay back on the grass, throwing my arm across my face. "Oh God, what have I done?" I moaned.

I'd done exactly what I'd been furious with Edward about in the past. I'd made a unilateral decision that would affect both of us, without any concern for his feelings. I'd acted like a selfish bitch…and when he got upset, I fought back like a whiny six year old and then ran away.

I was so ashamed.

I lay there for a while, trying to figure out how I could make things right. But the truth was, there was only one way. I needed to swallow my stupid pride and apologize. Right away.

I sat up, surprised that night had fallen during my pity party. I rose quickly and began to walk home, knowing that Edward had to be worried about me. I began to run, suddenly anxious to get to him.

After all of this. All we'd gone through to save him…to be together…I was ready to ruin it all over my idiotic pride. What was I thinking?

I picked up the pace, my breathing growing shallow as I ran. A sharp stab of pain hit me in the side and I rubbed at it absently, but didn't slow down.

I needed to get to him. I needed to fix this.

I raced by the general store, dodging to the left when someone emerged unexpectedly.

"Sorry!" I called over my shoulder, but I didn't wait for a response.

Finally, I saw our little cottage come into view. Our home. Mine and Edward's. Why did I need to stubbornly wish for more? I drew nearer and saw the lights on in the windows. I ran up the front walkway and came to an abrupt halt at the door, suddenly nervous.

What if he wouldn't forgive me? I blinked back tears at the thought and tried to slow my racing heart. I twisted the knob, shoving my shoulder into the door to force it open. My eyes scanned the living room, but he wasn't there.

"Edward?" I called, running to the kitchen. He was sitting at the table, his head bowed. When I called his name, he raised his eyes to look at me, his face haggard and worried.

I rushed to kneel at his feet, wrapping my arms around his waist and laying my head in his lap as I started to cry. "Oh God, Edward. I'm so sorry!"

"Bella?" he said hoarsely, his hands tangling in my hair. "No… no… I'm sorry!"

"I should have talked to you about the job…"

"Please don't cry. I never should have raised my voice like that…"

"I didn't mean what I said…"

"Neither did I," Edward said quietly. I lifted my tear-stained face to look at his equally stricken one. "I love you so much, Bella."

"I love you, too. I'm sorry I ran out."

"Don't ever do that again," he pleaded. "I couldn't bear it."

I nodded, lifting my hands to cup his face. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I should have talked to you before I took that job. If you don't want me to take it—"

"It's not that," he interrupted. "I just thought we should talk about it first."

"I know."

"We'll have to figure out how you're going to get there and back."

My head dropped in embarrassment. "I hadn't even thought of that."

Edward sighed, lifting my chin to look into my eyes. "If you want a partnership, Bella, it has to be both ways." I nodded mutely and Edward pulled me onto his lap, burying his nose in my neck. "You don't want me to use the liver analogy, do you?"

I laughed through my tears, sniffling slightly. "No. I think I've learned my lesson."

"Good, because I don't even like _talking_ about liver," he said, lifting his face to grimace at me. I wiped at my cheeks and he sobered. "I really am sorry for shouting at you."

"Me too." I circled his neck with my arms, leaning my head on his shoulder. "I don't like it when we fight."

Edward just murmured his agreement, pressing a kiss into my hair. My eyes wandered over the ruined omelet makings on the counter. "Did you eat anything?"

"No. I lost my appetite," he replied. "I'm kind of hungry now, though."

I frowned at him. "I think all we have is toast."

He grinned. "In case you've forgotten, I happen to love toast." I started to get up, but he held me tightly. "Although, I think maybe dinner could wait a little while," he said suggestively.

"Really?"

"Mmm hmmm…" He began to nibble at my neck.

"You know, Edward," I said, trying not to sound breathless. "There is something good about having a fight."

He lifted his head to observe me questioningly. "There is?"

I nodded. "Ever heard of make-up sex?"

His lips quirked as his hands rubbed slowly up and down my sides. "Can't say that I have."

"Well, Mr. Masen," I said saucily, pulling him closer and lowering my lips to his. "Allow me to educate you."

We didn't have our toast until much…much later.

And the next morning we rolled out of bed utterly exhausted…and blissfully happy.


	31. Of Fear and Fate

_**"The past is but the beginning of a beginning, and all that is or has been is but the twilight of the dawn."** _

_**-H.G. Wells, The Discovery of the Future (1901)** _

**Chapter 30 – Of Fear and Fate**

There were days that I felt like I truly belonged in 1918.

It was strange, but occasionally there would be these moments – moments when my former life in Forks felt like a dim memory. Like when making coffee in an old-fashioned coffee pot didn't seem so old-fashioned. Or when I picked up the telephone at the general store to place a call with the operator without feeling a pang of longing for e-mail or cell phones. Or when Edward and I were tangled together in the heat of passion, and the vampire I once knew didn't push into my thoughts.

The moments were coming more frequently. And inevitably, they were followed by equally troubling moments of guilt. Guilt about the family and friends I left behind. Guilt about the Edward I left behind… even though, technically, he left me first.

I knew, logically, that it was only natural for me to become acclimated to my surroundings… that to retain my sanity I had to accept it as reality and leave behind the life I had before.

But in my heart it was still a struggle, and I tried to deal with it as best I could. I tried to focus on the joy of my new life and not dwell on the one I left behind.

I wasn't always successful, but I tried.

It helped to keep busy – to immerse myself in the here and now so I'd forget it was really the there and then. Or something like that.

The morning after our big blowup, Edward and I talked about the logistics of my new job over breakfast. The solution to my transportation problem actually ended up being relatively simple. I wasn't needed at the Normal School until after lunch, so we decided I'd ride to Eau Claire with Edward in the morning, hang out at the library or the bookstore or the café until I needed to get to work, then I'd just wait until Edward would pick me up when he finished for the day. It was only a couple of weeks until classes began anyway. After that, we'd both need to be in Eau Claire at roughly the same time, so once Edward was done with classes in Altoona, we'd have an early lunch together at home, then just ride together. Edward encouraged me to enroll in an English Literature course that met in the late afternoon, even though that meant he would have to wait about twenty minutes for me at the end of the day. He said he was happy to do it.

I fell more in love with him every day.

Sure, he wasn't perfect. He could still be stubborn and opinionated... but I was just as bad, if not worse. And we were learning to talk more and yell less. Not to say that we still didn't argue, because we did. In fact, I had a sneaking suspicion that Edward might have occasionally picked a fight or two once he'd learned about make-up sex.

I didn't have any proof, just a gut feeling. Not that I was complaining.

My life became a pleasant routine. My work at the Normal School wasn't extremely challenging, but I enjoyed it. The people I worked with were nice, and Lydia was a patient and encouraging boss. I became friends with the owner of the Eau Claire Bookstore – Joseph Mabry was his name – and he seemed content to let me sit in the store reading or chatting with him in between customers. Sometimes his wife Elaine would stop by with their little boy Joey Junior. She was a lot of fun, and little Joey was adorable. He'd often sit with me, jabbering about his dog or his toy truck or what he'd had for lunch, and I found his bright smile delightful.

Joseph's cousin, George, taught the English class I would be taking and Joseph often joked that when they were younger, George never cracked a book, choosing instead to spend his time fishing or teasing the neighborhood girls. I, once again, was making new friends and creating yet another new life.

Edward and I lived in a dazzling newlywed bubble, for the most part – all soft touches and kisses and hot nights.

And mornings. There were some hot mornings as well.

It would have been perfect, if not for two things: the ever-nearing epidemic, and the return of my nightmares.

My dreams had been relatively pleasant since the wedding, but shortly after we moved to Altoona they took a turn for the frightening once again. And as the days and weeks passed, the nightmares became more frequent, and even more disturbing.

_I see Edward down a long tunnel, his back to me. I start to walk toward him, increasing my pace to a run as I realize I'm not getting any closer. I call out to him, but no sound will come out of my mouth. My steps become sluggish, like I'm mired down in concrete or quicksand, and I can barely get one foot in front of the other. Eventually, the tunnel lengthens, causing Edward's tall figure to shrink in my vision… growing farther and farther away until he just vanishes._

Some were less literal – just flashes of faces from my past and my present life melting into each other in the darkness... reproachful or angry eyes, glowing in the dark… screams of pain or fear… agonizing sobs or tormented wailing.

Then there was the one that was beginning to haunt me more often: _Edward standing in his parents' empty house. It's cold, dark, and silent and somehow I know that they are dead. Edward turns accusing eyes on me and sobs out only one word: "Why?"_

 _I reach for him and he pulls away, breaking my heart into a million little pieces_.

I'd awaken with tears flowing down my face, and Edward would pull me into his arms assuring me it was all just a dream.

The problem was, I wasn't so sure that was the case.

I knew, at least in part, why Edward's parents were weighing so heavily on my mind. The case his father was working on continued to drag on, and they kept delaying their visit to Altoona. I was growing more and more worried as the days passed, and had turned to all-but-nagging Edward on a daily basis to call them and beg them to come.

"I tried, Bella!" he finally snapped one day after my continued badgering. "My father says he can't leave until the end of the week, at the earliest."

"But August is almost over," I pleaded. "They're running out of time."

At that, Edward's eyes flashed to mine. I had told him about the epidemic, but he'd never actually asked about his parents' fate, and I'd never volunteered the information. It was like he wasn't sure he really wanted to know the truth… and to be honest, I wasn't either. He seemed to be weighing something in his mind for a moment, and I watched him carefully, biting my lip at the tension.

He looked into my eyes as if he were searching my soul. "They… they won't survive, will they?" he asked quietly.

I choked on a sob, my head falling into my hands, and Edward had his answer.

He paced away from me in the parking lot outside the Normal School, then abruptly turned back. "I need to go to Chicago," he said.

"What?" My head snapped up in panic. "No! No, Edward, you can't!"

He strode back to me, wrapping his hands around my upper arms gently. "Bella, I can't stay hidden away here when they're in danger. Maybe if I go home, I can convince them to come."

I blinked up at him, and I completely lost it. I didn't care that I was in a public place. I didn't care that I was being selfish and immature. I didn't care that I was making a scene and that tears were running in rivers down my cheeks.

I begged. I clung to him and I begged him to stay.

"Please, Edward. You can't go back to Chicago. You'll die… you'll die and I'll be all alone," I sobbed hysterically. "Not now… not after you made me love you all over again. Not after I finally found you… now that I finally _have_ you. You can't leave me… you can't!"

He looked down at my pathetic face, then drew me into his arms, hugging me tightly as I wept into his shirt. "Shhhhh…" he murmured. "Don't, Bella… don't cry…"

"Please… please…" I couldn't even form a coherent thought as I desperately twisted his shirt in my trembling hands.

"It's all right," he whispered into my hair. "I won't go."

I pulled back to look up at him through my tears. "You won't?"

He reached up to push my hair back from my forehead. "I'll keep telephoning… every day if I have to. I'll convince them somehow. But I won't leave you."

My heart filled with a mixture of relief and regret. I knew right then that I'd selfishly asked him to choose between saving himself and saving his parents… in essence asked him to choose between me and them.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. Sorry for hurting him. Sorry for making him choose. Sorry for his loss that I now worried was inevitable.

"It's all right, my love. Don't be sorry," he said with a small smile, leaning down to press a soft kiss to my lips. "Don't you understand I would do anything for you? You are my life now."

I choked at the familiar words… words he'd once said to me when I was forced to leave him… when James was on our trail and he sent me away for my own protection. "I know… I should be brave. I just can't bear the thought of losing you."

Edward brushed my tears away. "You'll never lose me."

He pulled me into his arms once again, and I inhaled his familiar scent… reveled in his strong warmth… and prayed that he was right.

x-x

August melted into September, and Edward and I both began our classes. True to his word, he called his parents every day, utilizing every argument he could to get them to come to Altoona. He told them we needed their help with the house… that I was tired and needed my rest… even that married life was a struggle, thinking maybe they'd come to help us work out our marital woes. Still, his mother would assure him that they would come when they could… by the end of the month most likely. My heart sank as I grew more and more certain that it would be too late.

Edward told me he finally got desperate and told them about the epidemic. He said they'd never believe that I knew the future, so instead he said he had met a well-respected doctor in Eau Claire who warned of the impending plague. His parents were concerned, but simply said there was nothing that could be done until his father's case was over. Edward did finally gain a promise from his mother that at the first sign of the epidemic she'd do what she could to get his father out of the city.

The tension was taking a toll on Edward. Sometimes I'd find him sitting alone on the back porch staring out over the yard, and I knew he was thinking about his parents… worrying about them. But then he'd spot me, and the lines between his eyebrows would ease and he'd smile as if to assure me that everything was going to be all right.

I knew he didn't blame me. He told me that on several occasions. Still, my heart ached for him, and I didn't know what I could do to help.

My nightmares continued, growing in frequency and in intensity. One night in mid-September I had a dream that I couldn't just write off as a product of my subconscious guilt and worry.

It wasn't scary at first. I was in Maggie's kitchen and we were making chocolate chip cookies. Maggie was mixing the dough and humming lightly – Cyndi Lauper, of course – as I greased the cookie sheets. Sunlight streamed through the windows, casting the room in an ethereal glow.

Suddenly, the sky darkened and a roll of thunder shook the windows. Maggie walked to the back door, looking out into the yard.

"Big storm coming," she murmured as I joined her at the open door. We walked together out onto the back porch as the wind began to whip at the plants in the garden and set a rocking chair beside me swaying violently. Compelled by some unseen force, I walked down the porch steps toward the bench where Edward and I had spent so much time. As I circled the lattice I found him sitting there, his eyes on the rolling clouds overhead.

"Edward?" My voice was swallowed by the now howling wind. I cleared my throat, speaking louder. "Edward?"

His gaze lowered to mine slowly, and I was shocked by the pain I saw in their emerald depths.

"What's wrong?" I asked, reaching toward him with a trembling hand as the rain began to fall.

Without warning, Edward fell to his knees, his arms clutched across his midsection as his face contorted in agony. Shocked, I watched as he collapsed onto the damp grass, writhing, and a tortured groan escaped his lips. I dropped down beside him, the rain now falling in torrents around us. I touched his forehead gently, but the contact sparked a spine-tingling scream.

"Bella!" Maggie called to me from the back porch.

I turned to her. "What's wrong with him?" I yelled through the downpour, the howling wind whipping my dripping hair around my face.

"It's time!" she shouted back.

I blinked, and suddenly it wasn't Maggie standing there, but Alice. "Time for what?" I asked, my throat aching at the effort to be heard over the storm. Edward twisted in the now muddy grass beside me, his breath escaping in harsh sobs.

Alice just shook her head sadly. "It's time, Bella."

And she vanished. I turned back to Edward and he was gone too, the only hint that he'd ever been there the crushed blades of broken grass where his body had been.

"No!" I screamed as the lightning flashed.

I awoke, the scream still on my lips, sitting straight up in bed and drenched with sweat. I gasped for breath, turning to Edward, my heart sinking when he wasn't beside me.

"Edward?" I cried out hysterically. "Edward?"

The door flew open and Edward rushed to me, taking in my disheveled appearance. "What happened? Are you all right?"

"Edward," I sobbed, clinging to him desperately. "I woke up… and you were gone… I thought… I didn't know…"

"Shhhh," he murmured, rubbing his hands up and down my back. "I couldn't sleep so I went into the other room to read so I didn't disturb you."

A wave of relief washed through me as the heat of his body chased the chills from mine. I relaxed into his soothing embrace. "I'm so glad you're here."

Edward stroked my hair and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. "Of course I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, love." He shifted on the bed until he rested against the pillows, pulling my head to his chest as he continued to stroke me gently. He murmured love and reassurance against my hair, punctuating his words every now and then with a sweet kiss. He didn't ask about the dream, but instead lulled me back into comforting warmth.

I drifted back to sleep wrapped in his arms, the terrifying images of my nightmare forgotten.

Almost.

x-x

The next morning I tried to shake off the remnants of my disturbing night. Edward finally asked about my dream over breakfast, but – not wanting to worry him, and unsure of what it all meant anyway – I told him I couldn't remember it.

I didn't think he believed me, but he let it drop and kissed me passionately before heading off to school.

I spent the morning doing laundry, since the sky was clear and it looked like I could hang it out without worrying about rain. When Edward came home, we shared a light lunch of vegetable soup and biscuits left over from dinner the night before, then headed to Eau Claire.

As had become my habit, I stopped in at the bookstore to chat with Joseph and scan the newspapers he kept on hand for any influenza news.

He looked up from behind the counter as I walked in the door, the bell overhead announcing my arrival. He smiled, nodding in my direction. "Good day, Bella."

"Hello, Joseph," I replied walking over to him. I glanced down at the book he had open on the counter. "What are you reading today?"

"Ah, a classic," he said with a wink, holding up the cover so I could see it. I had to school my features when I realized he was reading _The Time Machine_ by H.G. Wells.

"I never knew you were a lover of science fiction," I commented dryly. Joseph had always read non-fiction in the past – history and science were particular favorites.

"Well, H.G. Wells does infuse quite sardonic social commentary into his work," he replied. "The Time Machine in particular is a social critique of England's class system."

"Really? I always thought it was a story about time travel," I deadpanned.

Joseph chuckled. "Well, it's that as well. I can't say I don't find it entertaining as well as enlightening."

Unable to resist, I eyed Joseph carefully. "So… do you think it's possible? Traveling through time?"

To his credit, Joseph didn't laugh, but just paused for a moment in thought. "'There is no difference between Time and any of the three dimensions of Space except that our consciousness moves along it,'" he said finally.

"That's an interesting way to look at it," I said noncommittally.

"Well, I wish I could say it was mine," he said with a shrug, holding up the book again. "I was actually quoting Wells."

I rolled my eyes, but decided to persist. "So, if it _were_ possible… if you could actually travel through time, what would you do? Would you try to change anything?"

"Change anything?" he repeated.

"Go back and fix your mistakes," I explained. "Or try to correct the mistake of another?"

Joseph leaned forward on the counter, rubbing his hand over his chin in thought. "No," he said firmly.

"No?"

"No."

"Just like that? No?" I repeated. "There's not anything you would do differently?

Joseph just shrugged. "I rather like my life. If I changed a mistake in the past, perhaps I wouldn't end up here. My mistakes are what made me the man I am today. Besides, I don't really think it's possible."

"Time travel?"

"Well, yes, time travel, but that's not what I was talking about," Joseph explained. "I meant even if we could go back in time, I don't think it would be possible to really change anything. I believe things happen for a reason."

"Fate," I said flatly.

"Call it what you will," he said.

"But the guy in _The Time Machine_ changed things. He destroyed the Morlocks and saved the Eloi," I pointed out.

"Ah," Joseph said, pointing a finger at me, "but that was in the future, not in the past. Perhaps it was his destiny all along."

"That's depressing," I stated. "To think we have no control over our lives."

"Now, I didn't say that," Joseph hedged. "I believe we have choices… we choose our path. But those choices are a reflection of who we are… so really, our path is pre-destined."

I pondered that for a moment. "It's like if I hate vanilla, but love chocolate… and someone offers me a choice of chocolate or vanilla ice cream. I have the choice, but because of who I am, I've already chosen chocolate, even before I actually take it," I murmured, half to myself.

"Exactly."

"So all of my decisions have already been made, just because I am who I am?"

Joseph shrugged again. "Just my opinion."

I bit my lip, considering that. It was frustrating to think that perhaps my path was pre-destined by my personality or my past experiences… the things that made me the person I was. At the same time, it was kind of reassuring. If I really didn't have control over things, it took a little of the pressure off. Maybe the fate of everyone didn't _really_ rest on my shoulders after all. Who knew? I supposed it was possible.

It's not like I had a handbook, after all. _The Time Machine_ notwithstanding.

Joseph's voice jarred me out of my thoughts. "I put the newspapers on the table for you," he said, pointing across the room. Glancing at my watch locket, I saw that I only had about twenty minutes before I needed to be at work, so I smiled at him and walked over to sit down at the table.

I flipped quickly through the local paper, then started on the _Milwaukee Sentinel_. My eyes scanned the fine print, looking for any of the keywords I was dreading to find.

I found them at the bottom of page three. It was just a few paragraphs, and would have slipped right by if the word "epidemic" hadn't all but flashed before my eyes. I grabbed the paper closer as I read it through twice. I stood up quickly, my chair scraping on the floor and drawing Joseph's attention.

"Bella? Is everything all right?"

I turned panicked eyes on him and willed myself to calm. "Yes. Yes, of course, I'm fine," I said, taking a deep breath. "Joseph, do you happen to have a telephone I could use?"

Joseph eyed me warily, evidently not sure that I was fine at all. "Yah," he said slowly. "It's in the back." I followed him behind a curtain to a small office. He declined my offer of a dime, telling me to take all the time I needed and left the room.

I crossed to the desk and picked up the telephone.

"Chicago," I said in a trembling voice. "Dr. Carlisle Cullen… 5574." The phone clicked a few times before I heard the tinny ringing. I prayed under my breath for him to answer and was finally rewarded.

"Hello?"

"Carlisle? It's Bella," I said in a rush.

"Bella? Is everything all right?"

"I don't know," I said on a sob. "I just saw the alert from Boston."

I heard Carlisle sigh on the other end of the line. "Yes. I just heard about that myself."

"What do you know?" I asked quickly. "The paper just said there was an epidemic… and a doctor warning that it could move from the military to the civilian population. It's started, Carlisle."

"Bella," Carlisle said calmly. "We knew this was coming."

And we had. But still, somehow, seeing it in print… seeing it in front of my eyes on a shaking newspaper page… it made it _real_.

"Bella?"

"I'm here. I'm sorry. It just… it was a bit of a shock, you know?" I said quietly.

"Are you going to be all right?" he asked, concern lacing his voice.

I sighed. "I'll be fine. But Edward's parents… they keep delaying their visit. I'm afraid they're running out of time." I had told Carlisle about our continuing efforts to get the Masens out of Chicago, to no avail.

Carlisle hesitated for a moment. "Forgive me for saying this, Bella, but perhaps they can't be saved. Perhaps they aren't _meant_ to be."

I rubbed my hands over my eyes. "What's with everyone and the fate talk today?" I muttered.

"Pardon me?"

"Nothing," I said heavily. "I know you're right, Carlisle. I can't force them to come… but it doesn't make it any easier."

"Maybe this news will help," he offered. "Maybe it will be enough to get them to listen to you."

"Maybe," I said doubtfully.

I said goodbye to Carlisle, and he once again promised to pass along any information he came across. Still, I couldn't fight the heavy feeling in my stomach that Carlisle and Joseph could have been right. That maybe some things just _couldn't_ be changed.

I squared my shoulders, thanking Joseph before I walked out of the bookstore and headed to work.

Fate or no fate, I wasn't giving up.

x-x

After that day, the news came swiftly.

On September 19th, the _Philadelphia Inquirer_ reported six hundred sailors and marines were hospitalized with a virulent strain of influenza.

On September 23rd, the _Capital Times_ reported 4,500 cases, and more than a hundred deaths, at the Great Lakes naval training station north of Chicago…Four hundred cases at Camp Grant, near Rockford…Eighty-five new cases in New York…Twenty deaths in Boston. It went on and on.

On September 25th, I read about Edward Wagner, a man in San Francisco who'd fallen ill with the disease – a man who was from Chicago. On that same day a letter from Carlisle confirmed thirteen cases at his hospital.

News of the epidemic began working its way into letters from Samantha and Maggie as well. Samantha had started nursing school, and she wrote that if the epidemic grew, there was a possibility even students would be called in to help at local hospitals. She was excited about the opportunity to help others, but of course the news panicked and worried me.

As for Maggie, she never mentioned the warning letter I'd left behind for her. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I supposed she realized that I'd told her everything I could. Despite her "bit o' the sight", Maggie was a realistic, take-charge kind of person and I believed when the time came, she would take my advice to heart. Until then, she was not one to dwell or obsess about what might happen.

I wished I could follow her example.

When the influenza finally hit Chicago, Maggie did, in her own way, try to reassure me through her letters. She'd make sure to tell me everyone was fine… that they were staying close to the house for the most part and staying away from public places as suggested by city leaders. Because of her own gift, Maggie understood the guilt and pressure that comes with the _knowing_ – and I thought she was trying to keep me informed without piling additional worries on my shoulders.

Edward continued his daily phone calls to Chicago, using the information I'd gathered to try and get his parents to leave the city. They were stubbornly optimistic, assuring him that they would be fine… that their doctor said even if they did come down with the disease, it would be better for them to stay near home, where they'd receive the best care. Edward and I both gave into despair, realizing that our efforts had been fruitless.

Still, he never again mentioned going to Chicago to try and get them. Toward the end of the month he tried several times to call, but got no answer, and he feared they were avoiding him.

On October first, Philadelphia reported 625 new civilian cases and 117 civilian deaths. Every newspaper carried reports of the outbreak. Every coffee shop was riddled with concerned conversations. People started wearing surgical masks while out on the streets, and everywhere… everywhere people watched and worried and waited for it to be over.

There was even a new catch-phrase: "Cover up each cough and sneeze, if you don't you'll spread disease."

And still it spread.

Altoona and Eau Claire had been spared so far – and every day I woke hoping that it would still be safe… that Edward would be safe. That somehow his parents and all those we loved would be spared and the epidemic would be over.

Then, on the evening of October third, my hopes were dashed.

We were on the living room sofa together before a low-burning fire. Edward was reading _20,000 Leagues Under the Sea_ to me as he lay with his head on my lap. We had just reached the description of the giant squid descending on the _Nautilus_ when there was a knock at the door.

Edward rose, laying the book face up on the side table before making his way to the door. I followed behind him, curious, because we rarely had visitors at all, let alone at night. I was surprised to find Horace, the owner of the general store, standing on our front stoop.

He nodded curtly, clutching his hat tightly in his hands. "Mr. Masen, Mrs. Masen. I'm sorry to disturb you, but you received a telephone call at the store, and the message was urgent."

My heart sank. Before he even said the words, I knew what was coming.

"It was your mother, Mr. Masen," he said. "She asked that you ring her back right away. You can use the telephone at the store, of course."

Edward murmured his thanks and reached for his coat. I quickly bundled up as well and we hurried out the door.

"Did my mother say what this was about?" Edward asked. I knew. We both knew. But he still had to ask.

"No, sir. I'm sorry. She did not," Horace replied, unlocking the back door of the store and letting us inside. He left us alone with another nod before heading to the front of the building. I held tightly to Edward's hand as we reached the telephone and Edward picked it up, speaking to the operator in hushed tones and waiting for his mother to answer.

His eyes locked on mine.

 _I'm sorry_ , mine said.

"Yes, Mother… it's Edward." His gaze broke away as he finally spoke into the phone. "Yes…" He ran his hand through his hair as he listened, then his eyes closed briefly as pain passed over his features. "No… no," he murmured quietly. His eyes opened and as he looked at me, I saw a sheen of tears glinting on their surface. "Of course," he said, his voice breaking slightly. "Yes… first thing in the morning… It's all right, Mother, don't worry." I squeezed his hand and he squeezed back gently. "Yes… yes, I'll tell him. All right… Goodbye, Mother."

He placed the receiver back on the cradle and his hand hovered there for a moment before he pulled me toward the back door. Horace was waiting and nodded at us once again as we thanked him.

We were silent on the walk home, as if we were both afraid to acknowledge what was happening. As if our silence could keep the truth away.

Finally, as we shoved our sticky front door closed and faced each other in the living room of our perfect little cottage, I looked up at Edward, tears already trickling down my cheeks.

"Your father," I said.

Edward nodded, swallowing thickly. "It happened quickly. He's in the hospital."

I took a deep breath, acknowledging his words. "She wants you to come," I added.

He nodded again. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"Edward, please…" I began, but Edward cut me off.

"Bella, I know how you feel about this," he said, lifting his hands to cradle my face, his thumbs rubbing the tears from my cheeks. "I know you don't want me to go. I know you're frightened about what will happen if I do." He leaned forward to kiss me gently before pulling back to look intently into my eyes.

"But they're my parents, Bella. My father… well, from what you've told me, he's dying… and my mother could very well be next." His voice broke slightly and he cleared his throat before continuing, his eyes bright with unshed tears.

"When I was ten, I had the measles," he said quietly. He released me and took a few steps away, looking off into the distance, remembering. "I was so sick. I very nearly died. My mother sat by my bedside every minute. She put cool cloths on my head, fed me soup... slept on a pallet at the foot of my bed so she'd hear me in the night.

"My father – he'd pick me up and carry me to the sunroom, tucking the blankets around me so I could see the outdoors. He'd play the piano for me. He's the one who really inspired me to want to learn," he said with a wry grin. I smiled in response. He crossed back to me, taking my hands in his and rubbing his thumbs over mine slowly.

"When I told them I wanted to marry you? Well, they were worried, of course," he said, adding with a smile, "but even though they thought you were with child… that I'd ruined you… they told me they loved me. They said they'd help us both in any way they could.

"They've always been there for me... _always_ ," he said earnestly. "And now, for the first time, they need me."

I looked away, but Edward moved his head to catch my eyes once again. "I know you're afraid," he said quietly. "But I'm asking you… I'm begging you… don't ask me to turn my back on them. Please, Bella. Don't ask me to do that."

Every fiber in my being wanted to plead with him to stay… to manipulate him… tell him if he really loved me he wouldn't go to Chicago. My hands actually shook from the effort to keep from grabbing him and locking him in the bedroom to keep him safe. I yearned to do whatever it took to keep him there… to ignore the call of his family and keep him with me.

But I just couldn't do it.

I looked into his shimmering green eyes and I knew that if I begged him to stay, he would. That he would turn his back on his parents for me. That he would do anything for me.

But in my heart, I also knew that it would destroy him.

So instead, I said nothing, but wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him close.

After a moment, Edward drew a shaky breath. "I want you to stay here," he said warily.

"What?" My eyes widened as I pulled back from him, and my stomach roiled at the thought. "Stay here? No! Absolutely not!"

Edward cleared his throat, lifting his chin slightly as he tried to convince me. "There's no reason for you to risk yourself."

"No. _Fucking_. Way." I growled. Edward gasped in shock at my statement, but I continued in a low and firm voice. "If you're going to Chicago, _I'm_ going to Chicago. There is no way on God's green Earth that you are going without me, so you can just give up on that ridiculous notion right now."

Edward just stared at me, and I wondered if he was going to fight me on it, but instead, he just pulled me back into his arms.

"All right," he murmured into my hair. "We'll go together."

"Together," I agreed.

After a moment, we walked hand in hand into our bedroom, flicking the lights off on the way. We stood on opposite sides of the bed, our gazes locked as we undressed, our clothing falling to the ground unheeded. We climbed up onto the bed, on our knees, facing each other in the center of the soft mattress as our hands lifted to caress each other's skin.

Edward's hand drifted along my neck and under my hair as he brought our lips together in a soft touch of passion and hope and yearning. We clung to each other as our kiss deepened and fear gave way to desire. Eventually, Edward slowly lowered me to my back, never ceasing the gentle stroke of his fingers and his tongue.

"I love you, Bella," he murmured. "Always… forever."

I felt tears prick my eyes and pulled him closer, wrapping my legs around his hips as he entered me slowly… the aching fullness touching my heart… the tender rhythm heating my blood.

"Edward," I cried out, my tears flowing freely as I tried to hold on to that moment. He, too, seemed just as desperate, his arms encircling me in an iron grip as if he were trying to fuse us into one body… one soul.

We were. One.

And when our kisses turned frantic… our breathing grew harsh… and our muscles tensed in a unified climax – a surge of pleasure rushing from me to him… and from him back to me – I sobbed out his name and it echoed against the walls. I realized his tears mingled with mine on our damp pillowcase and I held him tightly, our hearts beating in slow, steady harmony.

Finally, he rolled to the side, taking me with him as he pulled the sheets and blankets over our sweat-chilled skin. I felt his warm breath against my head as he held my hand entwined with his over his heart.

I couldn't lose him. I couldn't lose hope.

From what I knew, Edward and his family were infected together. Perhaps I'd already beaten the disease by bringing him to Altoona. Maybe I could still protect him, even when we got back to Chicago.

"I'm going to be a real pain in the ass," I told him as his thumb rubbed circles on my hand. "I'll hound you to wear a mask all the time… wash your hands every ten minutes. You can't fight me on it, Edward."

I felt him chuckle slightly under my cheek. "I wouldn't dream of it."

I lifted my head to look into his eyes. "I mean it, Edward. If we're going back there, you'll have to take precautions."

He lifted his hand to run a finger down my cheek, the humor leaving his face. "I promise. I'll do whatever you say."

I nodded, resting my head on his firm chest once again.

Maybe Fate couldn't be thwarted. Maybe I couldn't change anything. But I sure as hell was going to try.

"Promise you'll never leave me," I pleaded quietly into the darkness.

I felt him press a soft kiss to the top of my head as he squeezed me to his side. "Bella, where would I go?" he replied.

It was the answer he always gave… the answer I expected… a question meant as reassurance… a promise of forever.

But, for the first time, I feared it was a lie.


	32. Of Saying Goodbye and Saving a Life

"The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live."

\- Leo Buscaglia

Chapter 31 – Of Saying Goodbye and Saving a Life

The drive back to Chicago was a vivid contrast to the trip we'd made to Altoona a little over two months earlier. Instead of smiles and laughter and soft touches, the air in the car was tense and silent, the only sounds the rattle of the engine and the bumps in the road. My heart choked my throat and I found myself constantly battling tears.

As always, Edward seemed to know what I was feeling. As we passed out of the town limits, he reached for my hand, tugging me to his side. I wrapped my fingers around his elbow, leaning onto his shoulder and inhaling his sweet scent. Every muscle in my body wanted to turn around and drag him back to Altoona… back to safety… but I knew that I couldn't. Instead, I held tightly to Edward and even more tightly to the hope that I'd changed enough…made enough of a difference...to save his life.

Because the truth was, I didn't know if I could survive losing him again. It almost destroyed me the first time, and that was before I even really knew what loving Edward could be like. To have these brief, wonderful months of passion and true intimacy? To really know him as I never had before? To have that taste of happiness only to have it snatched away?

I didn't think I could bear it. I couldn't even comprehend it. I couldn't think about it or I would become a paralyzed mess of fear and despair.

So instead, I clung to hope. In reality, it was all that I had.

Edward's uncle wanted to make the trip with us, but his failing health made that impossible. Instead, we assured him we would keep him informed with regular telephone calls to the general store. I felt confident Carlisle would let me use the telephone in his office to fulfill that promise.

We decided to stay at the boarding house, rather than Edward's parents' house, since it was closer to the hospital. I'd called Maggie before we left to make sure she hadn't already rented out our room.

She hadn't, of course – her "bit o' the sight" apparently letting her know we'd be needing it at some point.

"Bella, it will be all right," Edward said quietly, his hand touching mine gently where I clung to his arm. Unknowingly, with each mile bringing us closer to Chicago and the epidemic, my fingers had tightened and Edward was in danger of losing circulation to his right hand. I loosened my grip with a sheepish smile.

"Sorry. I guess I'm a little nervous."

He nodded, turning his head slightly to kiss my temple. "I know. I am as well." He hesitated for a moment as if he wanted to say something more, then thought better of it.

"What is it, Edward?"

"I was just wondering," he began quietly, "if you've… seen… anything more… about my parents."

"Seen?"

He flushed slightly. "A vision? Or however it is you come to know the things that you know."

"Oh," I replied, sighing heavily. "No. No visions. I'm afraid I'm not much help."

His eyes flashed to mine briefly. "I wouldn't say that, Bella. I don't know how I'd get through this without you, love."

I squeezed his arm a little, but said nothing.

He cleared his throat. "Do you know…is there…any way to save them?"

I propped my chin on his shoulder, looking up at his beautiful face. I wanted to spare him any pain… any fear… but I had no idea how. So instead, I offered him the only hope I could.

"I don't know, Edward," I replied slowly. "Can fate be changed? Maybe. Maybe I'm only getting a glimpse of one possibility. I just don't know."

He nodded in acceptance, swallowing thickly, and I could see that I was not the only one dealing with despair.

When we finally got to Chicago, we went straight to the hospital. It was mid-afternoon, and we knew that Edward's mother would most likely be there. Edward dropped me at the door while he went to find a place to park the car, and I hesitantly walked into the waiting room.

What greeted my eyes stopped me in my tracks.

I'd seen the hospital busy before, but this was beyond busy. And it wasn't like a scene from a hospital drama with doctors running back and forth screaming, "Stat!" and "Crash cart!"

Instead, everything was calm. Almost too calm. As if the pain and suffering was just draining the life and energy out of everyone around it – sick or not. The waiting room was filled to capacity with people moaning, coughing and sneezing. Some sat slumped in the chairs. Others leaned against the walls, their eyes heavy with the influence of the disease. Through the far doorway I caught a glimpse into the ward and an impression of more bodies… beds… more pain.

My dazed eyes finally landed on a familiar face. Patty emerged from the doorway, walking briskly to the reception desk. Her face was haggard and worn, her hair escaping her little cap in wisps around her face, and her mouth and nose were covered with a white surgical mask. I forced my feet forward.

"Patty?" I said quietly.

Her tired eyes met mine and even through the mask I sensed her weary smile. "Bella. You're here."

I nodded, swallowing deeply. "I'm surprised to see you here during the day."

Patty waved a hand, collapsing into the chair behind the desk for a brief moment. "Everyone is working long hours right now. There are so many…" Her words drifted off as her gaze swept slowly through the waiting room.

"Is Dr. Cullen here too, then?"

Patty shook her head and I heard her stifle a yawn. "They finally forced him to go home and get some rest," she said. "He'd been here nearly three days straight. He should be back in a few hours, though."

I absently wondered if Carlisle had found a makeshift clinic somewhere in the city and was using his "rest" time to help elsewhere. I doubted he'd be sitting at home pretending to sleep while there were so many who needed him.

"You're here for Mr. Masen, then?" Patty asked quietly, compassion in her eyes.

I nodded again. "Edward's just parking the car."

Patty stood and reached into her apron pocket. "You'll need these," she said, handing me a couple of surgical masks. "Keep them on as much as you can."

I took the masks, fingering the ties gently when I felt a rush of air behind me. I turned to see Edward entering hesitantly. He caught my eye and walked over to join me at the desk, nodding at Patty in greeting.

I handed him one of the masks, and he tied it on without argument. He did, however, raise an expectant brow at me when mine remained in my hands.

I sighed, putting the mask on, although I was pretty sure I didn't really need it. It hadn't even been a year since I got my flu shots, and since my body brought with it the scar that James gave me in the future… I was pretty sure it also had all my vaccinations.

Still, if I was going to demand precautions on Edward's part, I thought it only fair that I take them myself.

"Your parents are upstairs," Patty told Edward. "Would you like for me to show you to them?"

I took Edward's hand. "No, it's fine. I know you're busy. We'll find them. Thank you, Patty."

She stood wearily and called the next patient to the desk as Edward and I walked through the doorway into the ward. My breath caught as I took in the scene in the crowded room. Beds were lined up in rows, barely allowing space between them for the doctors to move. The screens and storage cabinets had been removed to make extra room. Edward and I picked our way carefully down the small aisle in the center of the room.

Moans and coughs filled the air with muted sounds of pain and sickness. Nurses hovered over patients, taking pulses and wiping brows… sharing exhausted and overwhelmed looks with the other caregivers. And wherever I turned I was met by the sickly sweet scent of antiseptic failing to cover the stench of disease and death. The cloying scent penetrated even the mask, so thickly I could almost feel it on my skin.

"Good God," I heard Edward murmur quietly. I gripped his hand tighter as we made our way to the stairs.

We walked into what was once the maternity ward. It too had been filled wall to wall with beds for influenza patients. I learned later that the few women who ventured to the hospital to give birth had been moved into the nursery. Most, however, chose to labor at home in hopes of avoiding exposure to the disease.

"There she is." Edward nodded to the far side of the room. I searched the crowded room, peering between bodies, and soon made out the form of his mother bending over a figure in one of the beds. She stood and stretched, her hands rubbing at her lower back. We started toward her and when she recognized us, relief warred with fatigue on her face as she moved to meet us.

She pulled Edward into a tight hug, her voice clogged with tears. "You came."

Edward held her, rubbing her back consolingly. "Of course. I couldn't stay away."

His mother pulled back, swiping at her eyes and readjusting her mask before turning to hug me as well. "Thank you for coming, Bella," she whispered.

I just nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

"How is he?" Edward asked as we moved toward the bed. I fought a gasp as I finally recognized Edward's father. He was asleep, his face worn and haggard, with deep lines creasing his forehead and along his mouth. It was like he had aged ten years in the past few months. His breathing was ragged and wheezing and every now and then a wracking cough would shake his entire body, causing him to curl in on himself in pain.

Edward's mother walked back to the head of the bed and reached into a metal basin sitting on the little side table. She pulled out a cloth, wringing it out tightly before pressing it to her husband's forehead.

"He's weak," she said tiredly. "He hasn't wakened since yesterday morning and his fever is so high."

"Is there anything we can do?" I asked.

Mrs. Masen reached out to squeeze my hand. "There's nothing any of us can do right now. The doctor says it's important to try and get the fever to break. Other than that, he just needs to rest.

"Once he wakes up, we can try to get him to eat some broth and build his strength up," she said with a weak smile.

I nodded, although I believed we all knew at that point that with every hour that passed, the chance of him waking up grew smaller.

Edward approached his father on the other side of the bed, reaching out tentatively to take his hand. He leaned down to speak quietly. "I'm here, Dad. It's Edward. I know you're tired, so just rest, all right? Just rest and get stronger and we'll all be here when you wake up."

I rounded the foot of the bed to take Edward's other hand in mine. He gave me a small smile before turning back to his mother. "Where is Doctor Lewis? I'd like to speak with him."

Mrs. Masen sighed heavily. "Dr. Lewis isn't here," she said quietly. "Unfortunately, he's taken ill himself."

Edward stiffened. "Then who's caring for Dad?"

"Your friend, Dr. Cullen," she replied. "He's been wonderful, really. As have all of the nurses. They obviously care deeply for you, Bella." She turned to me with a gentle smile.

"You're in good hands," I assured her.

Edward just turned back to his father. "Well, I'd like to speak with Dr. Cullen, then."

"I'm sure he'll be back soon," Mrs. Masen answered. "He rarely leaves the hospital, and he's always here through the night."

We were quiet for a while. Edward sat on the bed on one side of his father, while his mother sat on the other. Patty showed up with a small stool, which she offered to me. I set it down near the foot of the bed and perched on it gratefully.

And we waited. I lost track of time as we sat in a kind of limbo. The sounds of the hospital faded into the background during our vigil, as we watched over a man fighting for his life.

A man I feared would soon lose that battle.

Eventually, Carlisle arrived, making his way to Mr. Masen's bedside with a kind smile and a pat on the shoulder for Edward's mother. He greeted Edward and me, and although I knew he couldn't be physically tired, there was a kind of resigned weariness to Carlisle's bearing that I had never witnessed before. It was as though the suffering around him drained even the super human energy he possessed, and I felt myself aching for him as well.

"What can we do?" Edward asked, looking to Carlisle for answers. I wondered how many times he had heard that question in the past weeks.

Carlisle replied gently, his golden eyes warm with compassion. "Unfortunately, there is not much that can be done, other than managing his symptoms," he said. "We can give him medicine for the cough… keep him comfortable. The most important goal is to bring down his fever."

Edward cleared his throat, and I could see he was fighting to maintain his composure. After a moment, he turned tortured eyes to me before asking Carlisle to speak with him privately. Edward grabbed my hand to pull me along as they walked by, so I joined them near the doorway to the nursery. I looked back to see Mrs. Masen planting a soft kiss on her husband's forehead.

Edward turned to Carlisle, running a hand through his hair before pulling the mask from his face. "How is he…really?"

Carlisle's eyes flickered to me before answering. "He's very ill, Edward. If his fever doesn't break soon, I don't know that he will recover."

Edward nodded, swallowing thickly. "How soon?" His hand gripped mine tightly, his fingertips white against my skin.

Carlisle hesitated only briefly. "A few days… perhaps less. I'm very sorry."

Edward's face fell and I drew closer to him, wrapping my arms around his waist as his arm moved around my shoulder. Carlisle excused himself with a sad smile, and I thanked him quietly.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I murmured into his chest as he breathed deeply, trying to gain control of his emotions. He pulled me into a tight hug, and I felt tears dampening my hair. I rubbed at his back, wishing there was something I could do… something I could say to ease his pain.

But there just wasn't.

After a few minutes, he took a deep breath and pulled back, scrubbing at his eyes. "I'm all right," he said. "We should get back. My mother needs us." He took a handkerchief out of his inside pocket, wiping the tears from his face.

Hand in hand we walked back to the hospital bed, rejoining his mother in her quiet vigil.

x-x

When night fell, we tried to convince Edward's mother to go home and get some rest, but she refused to leave her husband's side. Carlisle told me that since Mr. Masen had been admitted, she'd been sleeping in a chair, or when exhaustion simply took over, stretched out on the tiny bed next to her husband. The only time she left the hospital was to go home to bathe and change clothes, even bringing food with her to the hospital so she didn't have to go out for meals.

Edward and I decided we'd alternate staying with her, and hopefully she would become comfortable enough to take a break once in a while. We drove to the boarding house and Edward dropped me off, carrying our bags in and up to our room. Maggie greeted us with a sympathetic smile and a warm hug, but didn't ask any questions, reading the exhaustion on our faces. Edward kissed me softly before heading back to the hospital. I would try to get some sleep and return the next day so he could get some rest as well.

He'd started to argue, but I told him that insisting he get at least eight hours of sleep a night was one of the things I was going to be a pain in the ass about. Edward had smiled sadly and succumbed to my demands. I'd compromised, allowing him to take the first night shift, but I wasn't going to give on the rest. I knew he had to keep his strength up, and that required sleep and decent meals.

The next morning, I awoke after a surprisingly deep and dreamless sleep to find Maggie baking cinnamon rolls in the kitchen. I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table, smiling at the familiar scene.

"I told you I'd see you again," she said, popping the pan into the oven before pouring herself some coffee and joining me at the table.

I smiled. "That you did. I did kind of hope it would be under better circumstances, though."

"As did I, dear," she replied, taking a sip of coffee. "How is Edward's father?"

"Not so good."

"That's a shame," Maggie said, shaking her head. She eyed me carefully. "Did you know this was going to happen?"

I nodded slowly. "I hoped it could be changed, but I failed." My voice caught and I fought against tears.

Maggie reached out to cover my hand with her own. "You didn't fail. You did all that you could, I'm sure."

"It wasn't enough."

Maggie sighed heavily. "What could you have done, Bella? You can't fight a disease. You can't capture it… or put it in a cage. You can't control it."

I leaned back in the chair. "I know that. In my head, I know that. But I see Edward and his mother…they're so afraid…in so much pain. And his father, just wasting away. I just wish I could have done something."

"You don't think they feel the same way?" Maggie asked, a touch of irritation in her voice. "You don't think every doctor…every nurse…every family member feels the same way? Helpless and frustrated?

"What's important is how you deal with the few things you can control," she said. "You can be Edward's strength. You can help his mother make it through this. You can support them and love them. In the end, that's all any of us can do."

I felt tears prick my eyes and I blinked them quickly away. "You're right."

"Of course I am," she said smartly. "I'm almost always right."

I gaped at her and her lips quirked. I smiled and we finished our coffee before I headed for the hospital.

x-x

Edward's father died three days later. He never regained consciousness and just drifted off as we were all gathered around him. Mrs. Masen was stricken with grief, exhausted and worn. When Carlisle pulled his stethoscope from his ears and told her that her husband was gone, she crumpled into a heap on the floor. At first we thought it was just fatigue compounded by loss, but after she was lifted to a nearby bed and Carlisle laid a hand to her forehead, we knew it was more.

Edward was a study in grief and fear. The loss of his father hit him hard…and the fact that he had never had a chance to say a final goodbye weighed heavily on his heart. I knew that my constant badgering for him to wash his hands, eat something healthy, and wear his mask grated on his nerves. At times he let his irritation show, but it was always short-lived and he did what I asked.

I knew it was more to appease me than out of fear for his own safety, and I appreciated it greatly.

Edward and I took turns staying with his mother as her condition worsened. I would stay through the night, and Edward would spend the days at the hospital. The few hours when our scheduled overlapped were the only ones that we really had together and, although I understood the need, I did miss him a lot.

I found myself watching him like a hawk for signs of influenza, brushing my hand over his forehead frequently enough that I had him sighing in frustration. Still, he never complained.

As the days passed, I began to allow a small flicker of hope to burn in my chest. Edward seemed to be resisting the disease and showed no signs of illness. Maybe we'd beaten the odds and he would be all right.

I clung to that hope tightly.

We arranged for Mr. Masen's burial, but couldn't organize a memorial service while his wife was still in the hospital. So, it was just Edward and me standing by his grave in the bitter Chicago wind as they lowered his casket into the ground. Edward's jaw was clenched, his eyes focused on the near distance as he bid a final farewell to his father. His hand gripped mine as if I was the only thing holding him together.

Carlisle told me Mrs. Masen wept bitterly the whole time we were gone.

I telephoned Edward's Uncle Maynard to let him know what had happened, and the poor man sobbed into the phone, fighting to keep his breathing even and failing miserably. I really worried about how he'd handle the recent developments given his own health problems.

If the first months of my marriage to Edward were a fairy tale, these days were the nightmare. Definitely the "worse" of the "for better, for worse."

I tried to do as Maggie suggested – to be his support and strength…to love him and just be there for him in any way that I could.

In turn, Edward tried to do the same for his mother. Her grief was devastating to witness, and we knew it couldn't only weaken her as well. Edward was always looking for ways to bring her a brief respite from her pain.

"Remember Mr. Jiggles?" he asked her with a smile. He was sitting on the bed, holding her hand as I sat next to him on the chair. They were exchanging funny stories about Edward's childhood, and I found myself laughing on several occasions.

Mrs. Masen coughed, and Edward waited patiently for the spell to pass before offering her a sip of water. She lay back heavily. "You did love that cat."

"You had a cat?" I turned to Edward, surprised. "I always thought you would be more of a dog person."

Edward grinned. "Mr. Jiggles was no ordinary cat," he said.

Mrs. Masen smiled at me. "Edward was convinced the cat was magical… that it understood every word he said."

Edward gasped in mock affront. "First of all, I was eight years old. Second, he was magical."

His mother laughed softly. "That poor cat… remember the magic show?"

Edward chuckled, explaining to me, "My parents took me to a magic show and the magician pulled a rabbit from a hat. I was convinced Mr. Jiggles could do the same thing."

"He kept stuffing that poor cat into his father's old derby hat," Mrs. Masen continued. "He couldn't understand why he wouldn't disappear!"

We laughed until Mrs. Masen started coughing again.

Edward and I exchanged worried looks. When she could speak again, she admonished us. "You two need to get out of here for a while. Go home and get some rest," she suggested.

Of course, we told her we were fine, but she finally convinced us that she needed a little sleep, so we should at least go out and get something to eat. We assured her we would be back soon before we left, heading across the street to a little café on the corner. We pulled our masks off, inhaling the crisp air outside the hospital and reveling in the coolness against our heated faces.

We opted for a simple meal of soup and sandwiches, and sat down by the café front window, looking out onto the busy street.

"She's so tired," Edward observed, stirring his soup absently.

"I know."

He lifted his spoon to his lips, then set it back into the bowl, his eyes staring unseeingly out onto the street. "I don't know if I can do this, Bella," he whispered.

I reached across the table and took his hand. "You can."

Edward squeezed my hand, lifting the other to rub at his eyes. "You would think it would help… knowing it was coming. That having the chance to say goodbye and make peace would somehow make it easier."

"But it doesn't."

"No, it doesn't." His eyes drifted to our joined hands. "I can't believe I'm going to lose them both."

I wanted to reassure him…to tell him his mother was going to be fine. But the truth was, I couldn't. So I said the only thing I could. "You're not alone, Edward."

He nodded, lifting my hand to kiss it softly. "I know."

x-x

On the tenth of October, Edward complained of a headache.

Of course, I freaked out.

"It's just a headache, Bella." Edward rolled his eyes as I rushed to his side, pressing my hand to his forehead.

"You feel a little warm," I observed, panic already taking hold of my stomach.

"It's hot as Hades in here," he replied dryly, taking my hand off his head and kissing my palm. "I'm fine. I just need some aspirin. Don't worry so much."

If only it were that easy.

I gave Edward the aspirin, and at my insistence, he headed to the boarding house to try and get some sleep. He'd been at the hospital all day and I knew he was exhausted. After getting a promise that he'd eat something before he went to bed, I kissed him goodbye, watching him with worried eyes as he left the ward.

That night was torturous. Between caring for Edward's mother and worrying about Edward, I was on the edge of my seat all night.

"Are you all right, Bella?" Carlisle appeared at Mrs. Masen's bedside. She'd fallen into an uneasy sleep, so he moved quietly, checking her vital signs and making notes in her chart.

I sighed. Was I all right? That was an excellent question.

"Just tired," I finally replied. "Worried… afraid… you know, the usual." I smirked at him slightly and he smiled sadly in return.

"Are you feeling any symptoms?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I'm fine."

"How about Edward?"

"He had a headache, but so far he seems to be okay. He went home to get some sleep."

Carlisle nodded, his fingers measuring Mrs. Masen's pulse before he set her hand gently back on top of the blankets.

"How is she?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

Carlisle rubbed a hand over his chin. "About the same. I've seen people in worse condition recover."

I said nothing. His words were futile. Fate was winning, at least in this case.

He passed by, pressing an icy hand to my shoulder. "Let me know if you need anything. I'll be here all night." I grabbed his hand, squeezing the marble flesh slightly before releasing it.

"Thank you," I murmured.

He patted my shoulder once and left to go treat his other patients.

I sat quietly as the darkness outside the windows slowly gave way to dawn, then daylight. The hospital staff changed shifts and Carlisle came to tell me he was leaving for a few hours. My eyes kept wandering to the stairwell, waiting for Edward to appear. When he finally did, I breathed in relief.

He smiled as he walked over to join me at his mother's bedside.

"How is she?" he whispered, not wanting to wake her.

"She had a good night, I think," I replied quietly. "She's been sleeping peacefully for the past few hours." I leaned up to kiss him through his mask. "How are you feeling?"

He waved a hand in dismissal. "Oh, I'm fine. It was just a headache."

"Did you have any breakfast?"

Edward rolled his eyes, but tempered his irritation with a smile. "Maggie forced a plate of eggs and sausage down my gullet before I left. I think you two are conspiring against me."

I just grinned in response, because he was right. I'd told Maggie how important it was for Edward to be well fed, and she'd jumped on the task with relish.

Edward rounded the bed to sit on the side opposite me, taking his mother's hand and sitting quietly. I relaxed on my chair and found myself zoning out a little as we sat in our peaceful little corner of the ward.

Then, I noticed something.

Edward's mother moaned slightly, as if she was having a bad dream. Edward lifted a hand to stroke her forehead slightly.

And his hand was shaking.

I sat up rigidly.

His trembling hand moved from her forehead, back to rest on the top of the bed.

"Edward," I said in a choked voice. "You're shaking."

His eyes met mine and I gasped when I saw their glassy depths.

"I'm fine," he replied, but I knew he wasn't.

My gaze wandered over Edward critically. His face was flushed… and I could make out little beads of sweat on his forehead and upper lip.

No.

No. God… please, no!

I stood up, reaching slowly across the bed. Edward just sat, frozen, his eyes locked on mine. In resignation? In fear?

My fingers touched his forehead and I pulled them back reflexively before pressing my hand more firmly to his damp skin.

"You're burning up," I whispered.

His gaze dropped. "I'm sorry."

I rounded the bed quickly, dropping to my knees to pull him into a tight hug. "You have to fight this, Edward," I commanded, unshed tears strangling the words in my throat. "We'll fight this together. I'm not giving up."

He just nodded into my shoulder, clinging to me desperately.

Carlisle hadn't returned to the hospital, so one of the doctors on the floor arranged for Edward to have a bed next to his mother. He kept apologizing to me, like somehow he was at fault for getting sick. I just sat between him and his mother, holding one of their hands in each of my own as they slept.

Elizabeth awoke that afternoon, and at the somber look on my face, quickly asked what was wrong. I couldn't answer, but just looked toward Edward. She gasped when she saw her son in the bed next to her.

"No!" she exclaimed, erupting into another coughing fit. I pulled her to a sitting position, rubbing her back through the wracking cough and the agonized sobbing.

"It's my fault," she choked out, pain and heartbreak rolling through her. "I should never have asked you to come!"

I stroked her hand. "No," I said quietly. "He wanted to be here. He needed to be here."

Her tears continued to fall as the coughing subsided. She wanted to help care for him and struggled to get out of bed, but she was so weak, she couldn't even sit up on her own.

"It's all right," I reassured her. "I'll take care of him. I'll be here for both of you."

Mrs. Masen finally succumbed, too weak to argue, and collapsed back onto her pillows, finally giving in to sleep once again.

I found myself giving into despair.

After everything… after fighting to get Edward out of Chicago… after trying to save his parents… after traveling through time, for God's sake, I sat there next to Edward in a hospital, watching him fight for his life.

Had it all been for nothing? Did destiny bring me to 1918 just so I could watch the man I loved die? If I wasn't there to save Edward, why was I there? To experience a few short months of happiness, only to lose it all?

Fate was a cruel bitch. My heart brimmed with anger and helplessness.

I stood and leaned over his sleeping form. "Don't you dare leave me," I begged. "I can't stand to lose you again, Edward… Promise you'll never leave me!"

But there was no answer. Just slow ragged breathing and the rustle of sheets.

Carlisle arrived just as the sun was sinking below the horizon, bathing the ward in muted reds and pinks. When he saw Edward lying in the hospital bed, he patted my shoulder gently.

"I'm so sorry," he said quietly, compassion coloring his voice.

"I thought we could beat it," I said flatly. "I thought we could have a life."

"Don't give up hope," Carlisle said encouragingly. "All is not lost. He could recover. I'll do whatever I can."

I nodded, but I couldn't fight the feeling that all was lost. Everything that mattered to me was lying in that bed. And I feared with each passing moment it was floating farther and farther away.

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle asked, rounding the bed to take Edward's vital signs. "You look tired."

I stifled a yawn. "I am tired. But I'm fine," I replied. "You don't have to worry about me."

Carlisle made a note in Edward's chart, then approached his mother, pressing his stethoscope to her heart. "You need to take care of yourself. They'll need you strong and healthy."

I rubbed my hands over my face, pulling my mask down now that I didn't have to appease Edward. "I won't catch it," I told him. "I get my shots every—" My voice broke off as my mind started whirling with possibilities.

"Shots?" Carlisle repeated.

Shots.

Vaccine.

Immunity.

Could the key have been in my blood all this time? I almost laughed at the irony.

"Carlisle," I began, standing and pacing between the beds as the thought formed in my mind. "How about a transfusion?"

Carlisle considered that. "Some physicians have experimented with that… transfusions from healthy donors. It has not been met with much success, though."

"But what if the donor was immune?"

"Immune?" he repeated. "There would be no way to measure that."

"What if someone had an influenza vaccine in their blood?"

Carlisle choked slightly. "A vaccine? There is no such thing."

I smiled at him. "Not yet."

He sobered, glancing around quickly before speaking in a hushed tone. "You have a vaccine? Why didn't you mention it before now?"

I threw my hands up in frustration. "I don't know. I didn't even think that it might be able to help. It's not like you could have taken my blood and copied the vaccine anyway, is it?"

Carlisle shook his head. "No… no, I don't know how I'd be able to do that."

"But what about a transfusion?"

Carlisle thought for a moment, his eyes focused on Mrs. Masen. "It's possible…"

"Yes!" I exclaimed, fist-pumping and drawing stares from some of the staff in the room. Carlisle arched a brow and I just shrugged in response.

"I don't know if it will work or not," he said finally. "There's no precedent for something like this."

"But it could work," I pressed.

"Theoretically, yes."

I approached him, grabbing his hard upper arms. "Then we have to try."

"We don't even know if your blood is compatible…"

"I'm a universal donor," I argued. "O negative. You don't even have to test me."

"What about…" He lowered his voice even further, leaning in to whisper. "Is there any chance you are… with child?"

My face flamed, but I was so excited at the prospect of doing something to help, that I didn't even let my embarrassment register. "No. We've been very careful." At his doubtful look, I added with an exasperated eyeroll, "I used a pessary…every time. We didn't want to risk pregnancy until the epidemic was over."

To his credit, Carlisle made no comment about our illegal actions. Instead, he just nodded curtly and his eyes wandered around the crowded ward. "We'll have to do it in my office. I don't think we want to deal with the questions this will raise."

I nodded. "Okay."

"And you can't donate to both of them at once." I began to argue, but he held up a hand to silence me. "It's too much of a drain on your system. Mrs. Masen is the more ill, so we'll try the transfusion with her first. A few hours later, we can try with Edward."

"I can do it…"

"Bella," he interrupted. "If we're going to do this, it has to be done my way, all right?"

I just nodded in acquiescence, grateful that I'd at least be able to do something. And hoping it would be enough.

x-x

An hour later, Carlisle had managed to get both Edward and his mother situated in his office. He'd pushed all of the furniture in the room up against the walls to make room for the beds. I didn't know how he'd explained the move to his co-workers, and to be honest, I didn't really care.

I was just anxious to start the transfusion.

Edward's mother had barely stirred when Carlisle carried her into his office, laying her gently on the bed. Edward had woken and insisted on walking, but he sagged onto the bed, exhausted once we got through the door. He did, however, notice the third bed in the room.

"What's happening?" he asked hoarsely, his arm thrown over his closed eyes. "Who is that bed for?"

I glanced at Carlisle before answering. "It's for me."

Edward's eyes flew open. "What? Are you ill, Bella?"

I rushed to comfort him. "No… no, I'm fine," I murmured soothingly. "Carlisle thinks maybe my blood might be helpful. We're going to give some to your mother… then to you."

"Your blood?" Edward's bleary eyes focused on mine.

"I'm immune," I replied simply. Edward didn't ask any questions about that. I supposed he was getting used to things like me knowing the future and being immune to deadly diseases.

"Is it safe?" he asked instead.

Carlisle approached Edward, answering quickly. "It's perfectly safe. I've done this procedure hundreds of times. Bella will be fine."

Edward just nodded abruptly, his weary eyes drifting closed once again.

I lay down on a cot beside Edward, my arm resting on a pillow. Carlisle held a conical glass flask in one hand, a large needle attached to a length of tubing in the other. I swallowed thickly, a wave of nausea blasting my stomach.

I looked away quickly.

"Are you all right?" Carlisle asked worriedly. "Do you think you can do this?"

I nodded. "I just don't like needles much," I admitted. "Just do it quickly. I can't watch."

I felt Carlisle approach, placing the tubing and the flask on a low table. He reached for my arm, wrapping a tourniquet above my elbow. He prodded the veins on the inside of my elbow with his fingertips, then I felt a cold liquid brushed onto my skin. I wrinkled my nose at the sickly sweet smell.

"Ether," Carlisle replied to my unanswered question. He brushed over my vein again. "Now a little Novacain to ease the pain."

I nodded, still looking in the opposite direction. I focused on Edward's sleeping face instead of what was happening to my arm.

I felt Carlisle press a soft ball of cloth into my hand. "Just squeeze it for a moment," he murmured. "I'm going to make the incision now."

"Don't tell me. Just do it," I muttered through gritted teeth, clenching my eyes tightly shut in anticipation. I felt a slight pressure at my inner elbow.

"There. That's it," Carlisle said. I felt him holding the needle in place, but his hand was shaking slightly – almost like he was bouncing.

"What are you doing?" I asked, tempted to glance at him, but keeping my eyes on Edward instead.

Carlisle chuckled slightly. "I need to shake the flask as the blood enters it to incorporate the sodium citrate. It keeps the blood from clotting."

That put a lovely picture in my mind, and once again I battled nausea, focusing my attention on Edward. My eyes wandered over his damp forehead, his crazy hair pushed up and away from it in a beautiful mess. My gaze drifted over his closed eyes, wishing I could get lost in their green depths for a moment…his straight nose…his full lips, slightly parted as he breathed. I loved those lips, whether they were split in one of his glorious smiles or frowning in frustration…and especially when they were pressed to mine, showing me all the love he felt for me.

How could I live without him?

It was only maybe ten minutes before Carlisle announced he was finished, and reached down to remove the needle.

"Are you sure you have enough?" I asked insistently. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Take as much as you need."

Carlisle patted my shoulder, then removed the needle. "We can't take too much, Bella. Your body needs to replenish the supply, and if you want to have enough for Edward we really must stop now."

He pressed a piece of gauze to the wound at my elbow and instructed me to keep pressure on it as he removed the tourniquet. I bent my elbow and finally dared to look toward him. He took the flask, half-filled with a dark-red liquid that I tried to pretend wasn't my blood. He set it in a basin of warm water to keep it at body temperature, then returned to me, reaching for a glass of juice from the side table.

"Drink this now," he ordered quietly. "Then rest."

I gulped down the apple juice, then began to sit up. Unexpectedly, a rush of dizziness had me lying back quickly.

"Rest," Carlisle repeated with a stern look.

"Don't let me sleep too long," I told him, my eyes already drifting shut.

"I promise," Carlisle replied. "I'll wake you in a few hours so we can get a supply for Edward."

I thought he might have said something else, but I couldn't make it out as I succumbed to my exhaustion.

True to his word, Carlisle woke me in the middle of the night to repeat the procedure. It was a little easier the second time around, although I still refused to look at the blood I knew would be pulsing through that rubber tubing.

Again, he made me drink a glass of juice, as well as eat half a ham sandwich before I drifted off to sleep.

When I awoke again, dawn was just filtering through the windows of Carlisle's office. He stood over Mrs. Masen, measuring her pulse.

"Did it work?" I asked huskily, my voice still gritty with fatigue.

Carlisle's eyes flickered to mine. "It's too soon to tell. The transfusions went well… no complications. But we won't know for a while if it's working.

"How are you feeling? Are you all right?"

I nodded groggily. "I'm fine. Tired, but fine."

He walked over to me, holding out another glass of juice. I drank it down thirstily before flopping back against the pillows.

"Sleep now, Bella," I heard Carlisle murmur quietly. "You've done all you could. The rest is out of your hands."

I tried to nod in acknowledgement, but I couldn't move my muscles as I fell once again into a deep sleep.

In my dream, Edward held my hand and told me he loved me. He said everything was going to be all right. He kissed me tenderly, stroked my hair, and promised me forever.

I knew it was a dream, but I didn't care.

I was sure I was sleeping with a smile on my face.


	33. Of Prayer and Purpose

" _ **What fates impose, that men must needs abide; It boots not to resist both wind and tide."**_

_**-William Shakespeare, 3 Henry VI, Act IV, Scene III** _

**Chapter 32 – Of Prayer and Purpose**

_Tick._

_Tick._

_Tock._

Since Edward got sick, I measured time in numberless instants. The tick of a clock. The rasp of a breath. The beat of a heart.

Waiting.

Watching.

Hoping for a sign… _any_ sign that Edward would survive…that the transfusion had worked.

I had no concept of time. Only when the harsh light from the overhead bulbs dimmed in comparison to the sunshine filtering through the clouds outside the windows, did I realize the endless night had finally ended.

And still I waited.

In the early morning hours after the transfusion, Carlisle had moved Edward and his mother back out into the ward. When I awoke in his office alone, I wandered out in search of them. Carlisle's expression as he hovered between their beds told me there had been no change. So I settled into a continuous cycle of minutes and hours…of days and nights…of no change.

Of limbo.

Carlisle said it was a good sign. They hadn't gotten any better, but they hadn't gotten any worse, either. They both slept a lot, only waking for an hour at the most before slipping away once again. I spoke to them whether they were awake or not, about nothing in particular…the weather…the other patients. Sometimes I read from a worn copy of Jane Eyre that Carlisle said was left behind by a former patient.

Sometimes I just sat quietly, lost in my own thoughts.

At one point, I was surprised to find Samantha sitting next to me. She took the hand that wasn't holding Edward's and smiled at me tenderly.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

I shrugged. "He has to get better," I murmured.

Samantha just patted my hand and said nothing.

I finally turned to her. "How is your family doing? Tom? Are they all right?"

Samantha nodded. "Everyone's fine. Don't worry about us. Concentrate on your family."

I finally noticed the gray dress and white apron she was wearing. "Are you working here?"

Samantha tucked a stray piece of hair under her little cap. "Some of the nursing students have volunteered to help wherever needed. I requested Cook County Hospital so I could keep an eye on you and Edward."

I eyed her warily. "You're being careful, right?"

Samantha's eyes crinkled, so I knew she was smiling beneath her mask. "Of course, Bella. I told you. Don't worry." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "I have to get downstairs soon. Is there anything you need?"

_What did I need?  
_

_Edward…healthy. Us…together in our little house in Altoona…or anywhere, really. More time. Time to live…to grow…to love._

I just shook my head. "I'm fine. Thanks for coming by."

Samantha squeezed my hand once more as she stood to leave. "I'll come by to check on you later."

I nodded, my eyes on Edward's sleeping face.

Day faded into evening and Samantha stopped by again, bringing with her a cup of hot vegetable soup. I frowned at the steaming liquid, but she stopped me before I could set it on the bedside table.

"You need to eat, Bella," Samantha chided. "Keep your strength up for Edward."

I sipped at the soup, not tasting it, and eventually was brought out of my daze by the sound of additional voices around me. I blinked, seeing that Samantha's parents were standing on the other side of Mrs. Masen's bed. They asked me the usual questions: _How are they? Any change? What did the doctor say?_

I replied in a monotone, never taking my eyes from Edward's face. I had to watch just in case there was a sign.

A sign that all I'd gone through…all that _we'd_ gone through…wasn't for nothing.

Samantha hugged me, saying she'd see me later. I barely noticed when they left.

The windows grew dark and the overhead lights buzzed and crackled, alerting me that night had once again fallen. Nurses passed by quietly, stopping now and then to take a pulse or a temperature. Carlisle appeared frequently, saying little, but watching me worriedly. I did my best to ignore him…to ignore them all. I didn't look at them because I didn't want to see the look in their eyes.

Pity.

Resignation.

I still had hope. It was in the clench of my fingers, gripped in my lap. In my rigid posture as I sat on the hard wooden chair, or the soft mattress of his bed. In the watchful gaze I kept purposefully focused on his face…his chest as he breathed…his fingers where they lay atop the scratchy wool blanket.

I forced away any glimmer of despair…anything that chewed away at the hope I held close to my heart. Because I feared if I let go of it, I would be lost.

And so would he.

It wasn't that I thought reality was subject to my beliefs, or that positive thinking could actually enact physical changes. Sure, I knew about things like the placebo effect, and that there had been studies done on the impact of attitude on health. I just didn't think that wishing could really do battle with a deadly virus. It was more that I simply couldn't bear to think of a future without Edward. I _had_ to hold on to the hope or I'd just fall apart. And that wouldn't do anyone any good.

"Bella, you've been here all night." Samantha's voice brought me out of my muddled musings. I wondered if she'd been at the hospital all night as well. I really had no idea. "Have you slept at all?" she asked worriedly.

I scrubbed my hands over my face. "Yes...no…I don't know…a little?" It came out as a question, because in reality I had no idea how much time had passed since I'd last slept.

Samantha frowned. "You're not helping them by exhausting yourself," she chided.

I raised my chin stubbornly. "I need to be here when he wakes up."

"You can't be here every moment," she insisted. "Go out and get some air at least…and something decent to eat while you're out."

I wasn't used to Samantha being so bossy, and I gaped a little at her in surprise. She just propped a fist on her hip, arching an eyebrow expectantly.

"Fine," I mumbled. I had to admit the idea of being outside for a bit did hold some appeal. The scent of the hospital had seeped into my clothes and even seemed to have been absorbed by my skin. Some fresh air and stretching my cramped muscles would be wonderful. And I hated to admit it, but Samantha was right. I did need to take care of myself if I was going to take care of them. When they awoke, they would still be weak and would need care as they recovered.

"I'll be back soon," I warned her.

"Don't worry, Bella," she replied, her face softening. "I'll take care of them while you're gone."

I nodded, making my way out of the hospital and pulling the mask from my face as I emerged into the cool morning air. The sun had just risen, although it was hidden by the cloudy skies overhead. Fortunately, it was not raining, but the infamous Chicago wind was out in full force. I pulled my coat tight around me as I trudged down the street.

The sidewalks were quiet, the few people I saw out and about wearing masks and hurrying along as if they needed to get from one safe place to another. But the truth was, nowhere was safe.

I walked aimlessly, pausing in surprise when I found myself in front of the Orpheum Theater, where I'd seen my first movie in 1918. I smiled a little at the memory of Edward sitting next to me, his hands gripping his knees tightly as we watched the Krazy Kat cartoon. We'd fought that night…and laughed. It seemed like a lifetime ago. We'd come so far since then.

A piece of paper nailed to the door caught my attention, and as I read it, I realized the theater had been closed because of the epidemic. Many of the public facilities – dance halls, bars, anything that was deemed nonessential – had been shut down in an attempt to keep people from spreading the disease. Unlike some cities, Chicago had opted to keep churches open, as well as schools – saying that children were probably safer at school where they were under constant supervision.

I sighed, looking up once again at the beautiful building and turned to walk down the street. Not realizing where I was headed, I ended up at the First Presbyterian Church, where I'd attended my first meeting of the Chicago Women's Association. Another influenza poster was nailed to the door, and I half expected it to be locked. Surprisingly, it opened easily.

I walked into the hushed interior, my heels clicking lightly as I made my way down the aisle. I wasn't alone. A dozen people sat scattered among the pews, some praying…others gazing quietly ahead…and one older woman near the front wiped her eyes and sniffed, indicating she was crying.

I slid into a pew about halfway down, and looked up at the huge cross hanging ahead of me, bathed in colored light from the stained glass windows. I inhaled deeply, trying to ignore the bereft feeling tingling in my stomach. Everything had spun out of control, sifting through my fingers like so many grains of sand. If there was nothing left for me to do, perhaps it was time for me to ask for help.

_Please…_

_Please don't take him. I don't know how I can go on without him._

_I don't know who I_ am _without him._

I didn't have much practice with prayer, but I thought maybe God needed some indication of my sincerity.

 _I don't know what you want from me_ , I admitted, my eyes wandering over the glimmering wood. _But I'll do anything. I need him_. A choked sob escaped my lips and I realized my cheeks were damp with tears.

_I can't believe you sent me here only to watch him die. Please…please let him come back to me._

_He's all I need. Please…_

I heard a hushed murmuring and it took a few minutes for me to recognize my own voice. I was chanting, "Please…please…please…" over and over.

I swiped at my eyes, glancing around quickly, but no one seemed to notice my unconscious rambling. They were all caught up in their own prayers. My eyes returned to the cross and I stood abruptly, straightening my shoulders.

 _Okay_ , I thought with a nod. I'd done the best I could. I turned to walk out of the church, hoping that someone had been listening.

I stopped briefly to buy a biscuit and piece of ham at a little market, making a breakfast sandwich to munch on my way back to the hospital. _When this was all over, maybe I'd invent the Egg McMuffin_ , I thought wryly, my time in the church bringing a little bit of peace to my heart.

That peace shattered into a million pieces when I arrived at the hospital. I found Carlisle and Samantha talking in hushed tones over Mrs. Masen's bed. They looked up as I approached, and I knew instantly something was wrong.

When my gaze drifted down to Edward's mother, I gasped.

She was barely breathing, wheezing lightly as she tried to force air into her lungs. Her eyes were dazed and glassy, and her skin was a sickly shade of blue. Her nightgown and the blankets across her chest were covered in blood. As I watched, she was seized by a terrible coughing fit. Samantha held a basin under her chin and a stream of red trickled out of her mouth and into the metal bowl.

I fought a wave of nausea and turned to Carlisle. "What happened?" Samantha wiped Mrs. Masen's face with a cloth as Carlisle sighed heavily, taking my arm to pull me a few steps away.

"It's pneumonia," he said gravely. "Her fever is dangerously high. She's cyanotic, and her lungs are full of fluid."

"Well—" My eyes flitted back to the bed, where Samantha was patting Mrs. Masen's back as she continued to cough up blood. "You have to do something. Can't you give her some medicine?"

Carlisle grimaced. "We can ease her pain…perhaps aspirate some of the fluid from her lungs. That will make her more comfortable."

My eyes narrowed. "I sense a 'but.'"

Carlisle paused for a moment, then continued. "However, she is very weak. And very ill. You need to face the real and increasing possibility that she will not survive, Bella. I'm very sorry."

Anger filled my body…from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I all but vibrated from it.

I was pissed. Pissed at 1918. Pissed at fate. Pissed at my own helplessness.

"You need antibiotics," I said through gritted teeth.

"What?" Carlisle's confusion only made me madder.

"Penicillin…amoxicillin…erythromycin. I'm pretty sure any of them would do the job. I mean, hell, no bacteria's had a chance to mutate or become resistant to them yet, right?"

I was jumping in head first and messing with the timeline, and at that moment, I didn't give a damn. If fate was going to screw with me, I wasn't going down without a fight.

"It's basic medicine," I growled in frustration, my hands on my hips. Carlisle just regarded me warily. "The pink stuff…tastes like cherries. Renee always gave it to me when I had an ear infection. I mean, every doctor worth his salt has the pink stuff!"

My breath escaped in harsh pants and as I grew dizzy, I realized I was hyperventilating.

"Bella," Carlisle glanced around the ward, and pulled me into the hallway. "You know I don't have any…pink stuff…or antibiotics."

I grabbed his arms frantically, gasping for breath. "You can make it! Penicillin…it came from moldy bread!" I scanned my memory for any long-hidden facts. "It was a bacteria in the mold…it could fight the pneumonia!"

A wave of dizziness swept through me and Carlisle shoved me into a chair, pushing my head down between my knees. "Breathe deeply, Bella, or you're going to faint."

I tried to do what he asked, taking slow measured breaths. Gradually, the dizziness receded and I slowly sat up to face him. At the compassion in his eyes, I felt tears begin to stream from mine. Resignation, bitter and vile, curled across my tongue, and my shoulders slumped.

"You can't do anything, can you?"

Carlisle just shook his head. "There's no time, Bella. Even if I knew how to make this…penicillin, which I don't. There's simply no time."

"Time." I laughed humorlessly at the irony, my head lolling back to knock lightly on the wall behind me.

Samantha appeared in the doorway. "She's asleep," she told us before turning to me. "Bella, Edward's asking for you."

I nodded, wiping my tears hastily as I hurried to his side. I noticed Samantha had managed to change Mrs. Masen's nightgown and bedding, and they were clean, with no signs of blood.

I sat down next to Edward, taking his hand. "Hi," I murmured, reaching up to brush his hair back from his fevered brow.

He swallowed thickly. "Thirsty," he rasped.

I poured a little water from the pitcher on the table into a metal cup and held it to his lips, supporting his head with my other arm. He took a couple of sips, then collapsed back onto the pillows.

"Thank you," he said, licking his parched lips. "How is my mother?"

My eyes flitted to her, unsure if I should tell him the truth, or if it would do him more harm than good. I opted for vagueness instead.

"She's sleeping. You should be too. You need to rest to heal."

Edward pulled my hand toward his lips, kissing the back of it gently. "I just needed to see your face."

"What you can see of it, with this stupid mask on," I joked, rolling my eyes.

Edward smiled weakly. "You're still beautiful."

"You think?" I preened, enjoying his smile after being without it for so long. "I was thinking I'd get a whole set in different colors to match all of my dresses."

Edward laughed, and I winced when the laughter morphed into a cough. I held his shoulders as he hacked and wheezed, fear and worry shooting through me with every choked convulsion. When the coughing eased, I helped him take another sip of water before he relaxed back onto the pillows exhausted.

"I love you, Bella," he mumbled, already on the cusp of sleep.

I leaned over, lifting my mask to press a soft kiss to his lips. "I love you too, Edward…with all my heart."

That day was long. They took Edward's mother away to drain some of the fluid from her lungs. When she returned, she slept heavily, even though Carlisle told me they'd just used a local anesthetic. The disease was sucking away her strength.

Edward woke every few hours, but only for short periods. We'd talk for a few minutes. I'd get him to drink some water, or – if I was lucky - a little broth, then he would slip away from me once again. Carlisle told me it was best that he sleep as much as possible. I wasn't sure if he was telling me the truth or just trying to make me feel better.

I really didn't care. I had to hold on to something, and that was as good as anything.

Carlisle had been at the hospital a lot more recently. I knew he was looking out for me, and didn't know how he explained his near constant presence to his co-workers. They all left periodically to sleep, so maybe they didn't even notice.

That evening, I was wringing out a cloth for Edward's forehead when Carlisle approached me with a worried look on his face. I just glanced up at him briefly before turning to lay another cloth on Mrs. Masen.

"Bella," he began.

I fought a yawn, stumbling slightly before collapsing into the wooden chair.

"How long have you been here?"

I shrugged in irritation.

"All right, I'll try another question," he said flatly. "When did you last sleep?"

I glared at him. "When did you?" I shot back.

He smirked. "We're not talking about me, Bella." His eyes and his voice softened simultaneously. "You need rest, Bella. A good meal, and at least a few hours of uninterrupted sleep."

I started to protest, but he held up a hand. "I know you want to be here for them. But you can't help them if you collapse from exhaustion." He checked Mrs. Masen's pulse, then listened to her heart and lungs.

"They both seem relatively stable at the moment," he said. "Go home, Bella. Just for a little while. Please."

I wanted to fight him. I really did. But I had to admit I was really tired. My eyes were gritty, my joints tired and achy…and I felt a little weak, remembering the last thing I'd eaten was my biscuit and ham sandwich that morning.

I stood and stretched, reaching for my coat and smiling wryly at Carlisle's startled gaze.

"What?" I asked grumpily. "I can be reasonable."

Carlisle arched a brow. "It's just such a rare occurrence."

"Ha ha," I deadpanned, but I had to admit it felt nice to joke about something. "I'll be back in a few hours. And you'll call the boarding house if there's any change?"

"Of course," he agreed. At my raised eyebrows he huffed in exasperation. "I promise. I will telephone if there are any developments in their conditions. Trust me, Bella."

I sighed shakily, shrugging into my coat as I nodded. With a kiss on the forehead for my husband and mother-in-law, I left the ward.

x-x

I was getting better at driving Edward's car. Of course, he had no idea I was driving it at all, but I figured what he didn't know couldn't hurt him. Before he got sick, Edward would drive me back and forth to the boarding house, despite my arguments that it didn't make any sense for him to make the round trip. I smiled at his stubbornness, wishing he was with me at that moment to pointedly open the passenger side door with a smirk.

Instead, I shifted gears and made the quick drive to the boarding house in the afternoon sunshine. I was surprised that the blustery Chicago weather had broken, at least temporarily, bathing the city in a glistening glow. If my life wasn't falling apart, I could probably have admired it more.

I struggled to keep my eyes open, finally pulling to a stop across the street from Maggie's. I yawned as I climbed out of the car, my weariness gaining hold as I drew nearer to the soft bed I knew waited for me. Trudging across the street, I all but stumbled up the stairs, opening the door only to find Maggie waiting for me just inside.

"Oh, dear," she muttered, her brogue thickening as she reached for my coat. "You look dead on your feet!"

"I'm fine…" I began, but found I didn't have the energy to protest further.

"Your Dr. Cullen telephoned," she explained. "Said you were in a bad way and in need of a good meal, a hot bath, and a warm bed, in that order. I'm here to assure you get all three."

Maggie led me into the kitchen, pulling out a chair and gently pushing me toward it. She set a bowl of thick stew in front of me, as well as a couple of hot biscuits on a plate. Despite my fatigue and worry, I found my mouth watering. My stomach grumbled in anticipation, as I lifted the spoon to my mouth.

Maggie watched intently as I finished the meal, then held my elbow with her other arm wrapped around my waist, leading me upstairs to the bathroom. She drew a bath for me, and I thought she might have stayed to wash me if I hadn't protested rather adamantly that I could do the job myself. Still, after I'd scrubbed the hospital smell from my skin and shampooed my hair, my eyelids began to droop. They snapped open as Maggie knocked briskly on the door. I got out of the cooling tub, drying myself quickly and donning a nightgown before opening the door.

I felt like a small child as Maggie tucked me into the large bed in my room. She hummed softly, and I knew she was trying to soothe me.

"Thank you, Maggie," I said quietly.

She perched on the edge of the bed. "No need," she replied, taking my hand and patting it gently. "You've had a rough time of it, haven't you? How's Edward?"

I sighed heavily. "The same. No change, really. But…his mother is getting worse. I'm afraid…I'm afraid I'm losing hope, Maggie," I admitted in an ashamed whisper.

Maggie's eyes softened. "You can't do that, dear. You can't give up."

I sat up against the headboard, rubbing my hands over my face in frustration. "It's just… what's the point?" I grumbled. "I thought I was here to save Edward. To keep him from getting sick. I thought we'd have a chance.

"Now…now it looks like it was all for nothing. Why am I here?" I moaned dejectedly. "If I couldn't do anything to change it, what was the point?"

Maggie looked into my eyes for a long minute and I wondered what she saw there. Desperation? Longing? Surrender?

Finally, she blinked, a small smile lighting her features. "My dear Henry, God rest his soul, used to love German poetry."

I had no idea where she was going with that, but I didn't interrupt.

"Johann Friedrich von Schiller was a particular favorite," she continued. "Do you know him?"

I shook my head.

"Despite his many faults, Henry did have a strong mind and was open to new ideas. He knew about my sight and accepted it. Not many men would have done that." She straightened slightly, her eyes drifting away in memory. "There was one day I was feeling particularly down. I, like you, was wondering about my purpose in life. I had instincts about people. I could sense things, but nothing solid. Nothing firm. It all seemed so fragile...like wisps of smoke. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with such an uncertain gift. I thought it worthless."

She turned back to me. "Henry waited for my tears to dry, then he quoted von Schiller to me: 'There is no such thing as chance…and what seems to us merest accident springs from the deepest source of destiny.' I was angry at first. I had no idea what he meant by that, after all. But after a while, I came to understand what he was saying."

My eyes narrowed in confusion. "And that was…" I prodded.

Maggie laughed. "Just because your purpose isn't what you thought it was doesn't mean you don't have one," she said, patting my hand again, then rising to walk toward the door. She turned back in the doorway. "Don't give up hope, Bella. I do believe you're here for a reason. You just need to keep your heart open and you'll discover what it is." She left, closing the door quietly behind her.

I tried to think about what she'd said, but exhaustion claimed me. I drifted into a heavy sleep, surprisingly comforted by Maggie's words.

x-x

I didn't know how long I slept, but I awoke surrounded by darkness. I turned on the bedside light to check the clock and found it was just after three in the morning. For some reason, I was wide awake and felt compelled to get back to the hospital. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, then dressed quickly, trying to make as little noise as possible. Tiptoeing down the stairs, I smiled when I saw a note sitting on the kitchen table.

_Thought you might be up early. There is breakfast in the icebox._

_Give Edward my best._

_-Maggie_

Maggie had left a plate of cheese and fruit in the icebox, as well as a loaf of her homemade bread on the counter under a dishtowel. I sliced off a hunk of the bread, making a sandwich out of the cheese, and munched it as I made my way out the door and to Edward's car.

The streets were all but silent as I drove toward the hospital. I noticed some overflowing garbage bins on the side of the road. Because of the epidemic, many of the city services, like trash collection, had fallen behind. Nobody walked the streets, and I only passed one car on my way. Chicago was like a ghost town. A shiver raced down my spine.

The eerie feeling faded a bit when I walked into the hospital and found it just as busy as ever. Patty looked up from the reception desk as I passed, but she was talking to a patient, so I just waved and continued on.

I ran into Carlisle on the stairwell.

"You look better," he said, making no comment about the late hour.

"I feel better," I admitted. "Thanks for making me leave…and for telling Maggie to take care of me."

Carlisle nodded, turning to walk up the stairs with me. "I just checked on them. No change so far. The aspiration seems to have made Mrs. Masen more comfortable. She's been sleeping relatively peacefully."

We walked back over to the beds and I shrugged out of my coat, draping it over my chair before I took up my customary position sitting between them.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "I need to leave for a while," he said quietly. My gaze snapped to his anxiously, afraid to not have him nearby. I gasped when I realized that his eyes were nearly black with thirst. In my focus on Edward I had lost track of how long Carlisle had been at the hospital…how long it had been since he'd hunted.

"I won't go far," he promised, leaning in slightly and lowering his voice. "My constant presence is raising some questions. I'll have to stay away for the day, but I'll be back later tonight."

I forced a smile. "I'll be fine. You do what you need to do."

Carlisle left silently, and I stood to get fresh water so I could place cool cloths on Edward's brow…then his mother's. I sat and took their hands, resuming my vigil. Watching and waiting and hoping and praying. Edward's mother would have bouts of violent thrashing, like she was having a horrible dream. Muttering words I couldn't decipher, her face would crease into anxious lines before she'd once again relax into a deeper sleep. I'd wipe her brow and a short time later it would all start again.

The night passed in such a repetitive cycle. Then, as the sun rose, Edward rose with it.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, lifting the cup of water to his lips again.

He smiled and a stab of relief and hope pierced my chest. "Not too bad." He lifted his fingers to touch my face. "You look tired."

I took his hand, pressing it to my cheek. "I'm fine. Just worried about you, that's all."

"How is my mother?"

I sighed. "They drained the fluid in her lungs. She's sleeping more comfortably now."

Edward's eyes searched mine carefully. "Bella, how is she?" he repeated firmly.

I blinked back tears, looking away, then back at him. "Not so good," I admitted.

Edward clenched his eyes shut, and when he opened them again, my heart broke as they filled with tears. He blinked, and they trickled down his temples, creating dark splotches on the pillowcase under his head.

"I'm so sorry, Edward."

He squeezed my hand tightly. "The transfusion…it didn't work."

It wasn't a question, so I didn't answer. I just clung to his hand, looking into his eyes. After a moment the shimmering green paled slightly, into a color I could only describe as bleak surrender. He pulled his hand away and turned his gaze to the ceiling.

"Bella, I think you should go."

I froze, stunned for a moment, until I realized he was just worried about me. "I'm fine. Carlisle made me go home last night. Maggie fed me and I got some sleep…"

He still refused to look at me. "That's not what I meant, Bella. I think you should leave. Leave the hospital…leave Chicago," he said coldly. "Go back to Altoona. Get away from here."

I stared at his frozen profile. His jaw flexed and I could tell he was clenching his teeth. A wave of anger crashed through me at his attempt to send me away. Once again, he was trying to protect me by leaving me. Or, in this case – since he couldn't actually leave _me_ – by forcing me to leave _him_.

Would this man never understand that being separated from him was the worst kind of punishment? That the pain from that far outweighed anything else?

 _Well, not this time_. I took a deep, calming breath. He couldn't make me go.

"I'm not going anywhere, Edward," I said quietly.

His eyes flashed to me angrily before his attention returned to the ceiling. "I should never have made you come here."

"You didn't make me do anything. It's not your fault."

"I couldn't bear it if you were hurt because of me."

"I'm fine, Edward." I grabbed his hand once more, holding his clenched fist in mine and lifting it to my lips. "I'm immune. I'm not going to get sick."

He turned toward me then, gazing into my eyes intently. Instead of asking how I knew that, he simply said, "That's not the only way you could be hurt."

I couldn't argue with that one. He was right. Seeing him suffering and not knowing if he would survive formed a twisted ache in my gut. And it was only a bitter sampling of the pain I'd feel if I lost him.

I forced a smile. "Just get better and we won't have to worry about that."

"Bella—" he began to argue, but I cut him off.

"Edward, just stop," I ordered, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply before turning back to him. "I can't do it. I can't leave and I can't talk about bad things that might happen.

"I have to believe that you will be all right. I _have_ to, okay?" His eyes softened. I felt his fist relax and interlaced my fingers with his. "It's the only way I can get through this. Please… _please_ don't make this harder than it already is, okay? Please, just let me love you and take care of you. It's all I have."

He studied me for a long moment…and in that moment I felt a rush of all the love we'd shared. I couldn't believe, after everything we'd been through, that it would all end like this. I just _couldn't_. And it seemed that Edward finally understood that.

He smiled softly. "All right, then," he murmured, lifting our joined hands to my cheek to stroke it gently once again. "Could I have a bit more water, please?"

I lifted the cup to his lips and he sipped slowly before relaxing back on the pillows. "I think I'll sleep a little," he said, his eyelids drooping. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too."

His eyes fluttered closed and his breathing slowed slightly. I leaned down, pulling my mask down to kiss his cheek lightly.

"Promise you'll never leave me," I pleaded on a whisper, not really expecting an answer.

But instead, Edward's eyes opened slightly and the corner of his lips lifted. "Bella, where would I go?" he rasped huskily.

I was glad he immediately fell into a deep sleep.

Because he wasn't aware that, moments later, I fell to my knees beside his bed, and wept silently and uncontrollably into his blankets.

x-x

Edward's mother didn't wake until mid-morning. I was almost shocked when I looked over at her to find her watching me with eyes clear and bright.

"Mrs. Masen?" I asked, standing to go to her side. "How are you feeling?"

She smiled weakly. "I'm tired, Bella," she said quietly.

"Well, that's to be expected. You've been very ill."

She frowned slightly, then asked, "How is Edward?" She struggled to sit up, looking over at her son lovingly. I supported her shoulders, knowing she needed to see him…to assure herself that he was still there.

"He's holding his own," I said. "We're taking good care of him."

Edward's mother nodded, relaxing back onto the pillows. "Thank you for that, Bella. Thank you for loving my son. I'm sorry I brought you back here." She broke off in another coughing fit, reaching for the cloth on her forehead and pressing it to her lips. When she pulled it away I noticed a swipe of red across the white.

"It's all right," I assured her. "Just concentrate on getting better."

She shook her head, taking a shallow breath before continuing. "You'll need to care for him now. I'm sorry I can't…"

I didn't like the sound of that. I felt tears prick at my eyes and I swallowed them back. "Don't give up," I pleaded as I gripped her hand tightly.

She smiled weakly. "I wish we had more time."

"Don't talk like that."

"I'm tired, Bella," she said again, her eyes fluttering closed. "Edward is waiting."

It took me a moment to realize she wasn't talking about her son, but her husband.

"No!" I shouted, tears streaming down my face. "Edward needs you."

Her eyes opened slowly. "No," she said. "He needs _you_." Her eyes closed again, as she released a shuddering breath.

A beat passed.

Another.

The clock ticked the passing of seconds…a minute…but Elizabeth Masen didn't take another breath. Her face relaxed into a smooth mask of peace, and I knew she was gone.

"No!" I sobbed, holding her hand to my chest. "No…don't go. Don't go!"

I had no idea how long I sat there, begging Edward's mother to come back. Eventually, the nursing staff noticed, and a young woman I didn't know managed to get me to release Mrs. Masen's hand. She led me out of the ward, asking questions about funeral arrangements and family members. I managed to tell her about Uncle Maynard, but I couldn't bring myself to call him just yet. She sat next to me, murmuring unintelligible words and rubbing my back as I drifted in a cloud of uncertainty and confusion.

"I need to get back," I insisted finally. When I got back to the ward, Elizabeth's bed was empty. Brushing the tears from my eyes, I took my seat next to Edward, picking his hand up and pressing it to my cheek.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I murmured. "I failed you."

He didn't answer. He tossed slightly in his sleep, muttering incoherently. His body seized in a wracking cough, but he didn't wake up. I whispered reassuring words, laying my head on his forehead gently.

I flinched at the heat there. Looking up, I called the nurse over.

"Could you check his temperature?" I asked, my heart beating heavily.

The nurse took his vitals, frowning as she made a notation in Edward's chart. "I should get the doctor," she said, turning to walk away.

I grabbed her arm to stop her. "Tell me," I demanded.

"You really should talk to the doctor…"

"Tell me," I repeated forcefully.

She sighed, looking over her shoulder. "His fever is alarmingly high," she said. I dropped her arm and collapsed in the chair, stunned.

"I should get the doctor," she said again, but the words floated away on the air.

It didn't work. The transfusion failed. Edward was getting sicker.

Stunned, I moved to sit next to my husband again, stroking his hand as the doctor approached. I made out words like _edema_ , _pneumonia_ , and _pleural_ _effusion_ , but they didn't register. I vaguely comprehended that they wanted to do the same procedure they'd done for his mother, to drain the fluid from his lungs. I agreed, but insisted that they allow me to stay with him during the procedure.

They tried to argue, but I simply said I was not leaving his side.

They'd probably never let me get away with that in 2010, but in 1918, they were a little more understanding.

They increased his medications, and I continued to lay cool cloths on his heated skin, but nothing helped. The hours passed and nothing helped. Edward tossed and turned, the damp sheets twisting around his body as he groaned and coughed. I struggled to keep the blankets over him as he shivered uncontrollably…then drifted into a more peaceful sleep…then once again began coughing, moaning at the pain, but never regaining consciousness.

_Tick._

_Tick._

_Tock._

The hours passed. The sun set. It didn't matter what they did. It didn't matter what I did.

Fate was winning.

Despair was gaining ground.

I was slowly coming to grips with the fact that Edward was going to die. He was going to die. I failed. I didn't save him.

I leaned down to whisper in his ear. "You promised you'd never leave me," I begged, my tears dripping onto his pillow. "You _promised_."

His ragged, shallow breaths were the only response.

I finally lay down next to him, my head resting on his chest, listening to his faint heartbeat. I curled a leg around his and held him tightly around the waist, paying no attention to those around me.

"What can I do, Edward?" I murmured.

But I knew. As I lay there holding my dying husband, I knew what I had to do. And as the minutes and hours passed, I spent them remembering our time together…saying goodbye to him and to the future we'd hoped to have. Voices from the past spun through my mind, fraught with new meaning.

_Alice:_ _You're here for Edward._

Not to save his life…at least, not his _human_ life.

_Joseph, at the Altoona Bookstore: I believe we have choices…we choose our path. But those choices are a reflection of who we are…so really, our path is pre-destined._

I really had no choice. Because of my love for Edward…of my inability to imagine a world _without_ him…there was only one choice.

 _Maggie:_ _Just because your purpose isn't what you thought it was doesn't mean you don't have one._

I now knew my purpose. I'd found it in the midst of grief.

 _Even the shaman who sent me on this journey all those months ago:_ _…there is something you need to do, a path you must take…a choice you need to make._

The path of my life, as twisted and strange as it had been, led to this moment. Everything I'd been through had brought me to this decision. If I'd never met Edward in 1918, fallen in love with him, I'd never have imagined I could do what I had to do. And with the choice made, I felt a peace settle in my bones.

Eventually, Carlisle returned, just as he had promised. His topaz gaze took in my disheveled appearance, my clinging grip on my husband, and the empty bed next to us, and he knew what had happened.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he said wearily, his hand rubbing his forehead. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."

I nodded, sitting up and taking a deep breath. "How is Edward?" I asked flatly. "I need the truth."

Carlisle spent a few minutes examining Edward, and I could tell from the compassion dimming his eyes that what he told me would be devastating.

"He's dying," I stated.

Carlisle blinked in surprise, but he didn't try to argue. "Yes. I'm sorry, Bella."

"How long?"

He hesitated only long enough to glance at Edward briefly. "Not long."

I nodded in acknowledgement. It was time. I realized that by telling Carlisle about Esme and the rest I had taken away his loneliness…the main driving force in his decision to change Edward. But he was now Edward's only hope. And it was my job to convince him.

"Edward's mother had a message for you," I said quietly.

"For me?"

I swallowed, excusing my lie in my desperation. "She begged for you to save Edward."

Carlisle sighed in resignation. "I'm sorry, Bella, but I've done all I can."

"No, you haven't," I said pointedly.

His eyes flickered over my face for a moment, then widened as comprehension finally dawned. "Bella, I can't…"

"Yes, you can. You have to."

"You don't know what you're asking."

"I do," I insisted, taking a deep breath. "It's the way it was meant to be, Carlisle." At his surprised look, I continued. "I lied to you before. Esme wasn't the first member of your family. Edward was."

He gaped at me for a moment, disbelief shining in his eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I told him. "I was afraid you'd try to stop me if you knew."

A myriad of emotions flitted across Carlisle's features – surprise, then anger, then hurt, and finally, understanding. He sighed heavily. "I don't even know if I can do it," he whispered, half to himself.

I felt a wave of panic. I knew Elizabeth had persuaded Carlisle to change Edward. What if I couldn't do it? What if only a mother's plea would be enough? Carlisle himself had told me how he'd struggled with the decision. How the only doubt he had in his life was whether it was right to doom others to his fate.

 _It was Edward's mother who made up my mind,_ he'd told me. And now Edward's mother was gone. Somehow, I'd changed things enough so she didn't even get the chance to beg for her son's life.

It was up to me. I was all that was left.

Desperate, I used the words Carlisle would one day tell me convinced him to save Edward's life.

"You must," I said firmly, looking steadily into his eyes. "You must do everything in _your_ power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward."

He studied me for a long moment, then with a deep swallow, nodded imperceptibly.

I exhaled in relief...in resignation.

"I'm exhausted," I said, my voice breaking as tears filled my eyes. "I think I'll go home for the night and come back in the morning."

Carlisle nodded again in understanding. I was making it easier for him. I wouldn't stick around to watch.

I licked my lips, turning to Edward, his beautiful face blurred by my tears. I leaned over, pulling my mask down to my neck. I kissed him softly, brushing my fingers through his hair one last time.

"Please forgive me," I whispered in his ear. "I couldn't let it end this way." I choked on a sob. "I love you, Edward. I always have."

I couldn't say the word. I couldn't tell him goodbye. It just wouldn't leave my lips.

So instead, I smiled wryly and said, "I'll see you in Biology. Don't kill me, okay?" before I kissed him once more and turned to leave.

I started by Carlisle, then on impulse, reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. "Thank you," I murmured. "Take care of him." I felt his cold arms encircle me, patting my back gently.

I pulled away and walked out of the ward, down the stairs, and out the front door.

I tugged the surgical mask from around my neck, letting it flutter to the sidewalk.

I didn't look back.


	34. Of Running and Reality

" _ **There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other."**_

_**\- Douglas H. Everett** _

**Chapter 33 – Of Running and Reality**

October 16, 1918.

I later learned 461 Chicagoans died on that day.

And one…one cheated death.

As I walked out of the hospital and onto the nearly silent city streets, I held fast to that thought.

Edward would live. Not in the way I'd thought – I'd _hoped_ – but he would live.

I guessed Maggie had it right. My purpose hadn't been what I thought it was…or perhaps somewhere along the way it just changed. I really had no clue.

But I couldn't just stand by and let him die. And the only way to keep that from happening was for him to no longer be human.

I knew he might hate me for it. Alice had told me – and he had as well, in what little he'd said on the subject – that he thought himself a monster. I'd learned – or _would learn_ – from Carlisle that Edward believed that, as a vampire, he had no soul.

Personally, I thought that was ridiculous. I couldn't look at Carlisle, at the compassion and benevolence in his eyes, and believe that was true. In fact, all of the Cullens had only ever treated me with kindness.

Well, with the possible exception of Rosalie, but I had to believe even she had a good side.

Still, I knew that Edward had struggled with his existence – and I knew that he could now hold me responsible for it. That it was very possible he could never forgive me for the choice that I'd made.

But in reality, I had no choice. It was like Joseph had said – because of who I was and how my existence was intertwined with Edward's – there was only one thing I could do.

I just prayed that someday he would understand.

I wandered aimlessly, not sure where to go now that the only thing driving me was gone. Since I'd arrived in Chicago, my life had revolved around Edward – first finding him, then falling in love with him, and then trying to save him.

Now that it was over, I just didn't know what to do.

I walked down the street, passing empty restaurants and closed dance halls. Although there wasn't a curfew per se, people generally chose to stay home as much as possible. The city had cracked down with the latest wave of new influenza cases, even making spitting illegal. Desperation had set in, and I wondered how far things would go before Chicago – and the rest of the country, for that matter – finally got relief from this insanity.

Eventually, I found myself standing in front of the boarding house, not sure how I got there. My tears had dried once I'd walked away from Edward, and instead of pain, I felt an emptiness inside. I wasn't sure if I was in shock or if my body had just shut down, unable to deal with the influx of emotions it had been through over the past few weeks.

Numb, I walked up the stairs and into the boarding house. The rooms were quiet and dark, so I assumed everyone had already gone to bed. I was a little relieved. Although I would have loved to have been able to talk to Maggie about all that was happening, I knew this was one thing I couldn't share with her.

This, I had to deal with alone.

_Alone._

I climbed the stairs soundlessly as the word seeped into my bones. Edward was gone. For all intents and purposes, he was gone.

I silently entered my room, closing the door behind me and leaning back against it, staring at the bed.

Our bed.

I had slept in the bed since Edward got sick, but there had always been the hope that someday he'd return to it. As my eyes floated over the gleaming headboard and pristine sheets, I pondered a future of sleeping alone. I knew Edward would be out there, but I also knew that for the next year or so he wouldn't be able to be around humans. After that, could we have a future? He'd left me once to protect me. Would it be possible to start again? Could I deal with the pain if he decided the answer was no?

So many questions.

I stepped out and touched the footboard lightly, trailing my fingers along the smooth wood and wrapping them around one of the bedposts. Moving closer, I picked up his pillow, pressing it to my face. His scent was fading, but there was still a trace of it clinging to the cool cotton.

I inhaled again, a sob catching in my throat. My eyes drifted to the bedside table where I had placed Edward's pocket watch. I reached out, tracing the smooth metal before picking it up and popping it open. I smiled at the inscription.

_Beyond Time._

I had hoped our love would be enough to overcome time...outsmart fate.

I was wrong.

I set the watch back on the table, my hand automatically going to my locket, twirling it absently. I flipped the locket open, touching the bronze lock of hair inside reverently. I swallowed thickly, realizing it was all I had left of Edward. A soft curl tied with a bit of yellow ribbon – the only remnant of our life together. A life cut unbearably short.

I snapped the locket closed and climbed onto the bed, fully dressed, hugging Edward's pillow close to me. It took a while for me to realize what I was doing.

Waiting.

Waiting for whatever would come next. In fact, waiting to be swept away back to the future like Alice had been.

I mean, what was left?

I'd failed in saving Edward so we could be together. I'd convinced Carlisle to change him, hopefully restoring the timeline and setting things right. Rolling over onto my back with Edward's pillow tucked under my chin, I finally spoke aloud.

"Okay, you won," I said quietly. Fate wasn't answering, though.

"I'm sorry if I did something wrong," I continued, fighting the tears. "I just did what I thought I was supposed to. I didn't mean to mess things up."

Nothing.

"Can you send me back now…please?"

As my words faded into the darkness, I searched my memory for the words from the Spirit Walk ritual all those months ago.

"May our eyes and hearts be opened," I began hesitantly, "and may the spirits reveal themselves this night."

I closed my eyes, picturing Charlie in my mind…Renee…Angela…my house in Forks. I reached out with my mind, almost as if I was trying to touch them. After a moment I opened my eyes again, half expecting to be in my room back home.

But I wasn't. Nothing had changed.

"Come on!" I hissed. "You can't just leave me here. Not without Edward. If I can't have him, you at least owe it to me to send me home to my family."

The only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock on the bedside table and my own harsh pants.

"Damn it!" I exclaimed, taking a deep breath and lowering my voice. "Please, don't leave me here all alone."

Nothing.

I didn't know how long I lay there, clutching Edward's pillow and trying to go home. I didn't sleep. For hours I just stared up at the ceiling, alternating from sobbing to pleading to lashing out angrily until once again, I gave in to the tears.

I wondered where Edward was…had Carlisle already bitten him? Was the venom right now coursing through his veins, filling them with agonizing fire? I knew what it felt like to have that focused burn in just one small place. Absently, I rubbed at my scar from James, remembering. I couldn't imagine what it must feel like to have that unrelenting pain under every inch of skin, burning away every trace of humanity for hours...days.

Would he be afraid? Would he know what was happening to him? And the question I couldn't keep from considering: If I were to see him afterward, would he kill me? He barely restrained himself after decades of practiced control. As a newborn, there was no way he could resist. Who knew how long it would be before he could withstand human contact at all, let alone with me, whose blood called to him like no one else's?

It was over.

I wanted to go home.

I couldn't understand why God, or fate, or whoever had sent me to Chicago would refuse my pleas. There was nothing for me there now. No Edward. No future. No hope.

I'd done what I could to secure a life with Edward, but without him…

Without him…

My breath caught in my throat as a sudden thought spiked through my pain and desperation.

Maybe there was still another way.

I sat up abruptly as my mind gained sharp focus.

If Edward couldn't be human, maybe…just maybe… _I_ could be like _him_.

I stood up from the bed, the pillow discarded and forgotten as I paced, my thoughts gaining speed.

I'd never even considered asking Carlisle to change me. I mean, I kind of skirted the subject in the future, but he pretty much blew me off, saying that was something I'd have to work out with Edward.

But now. In this time. Maybe he wouldn't have such a compunction.

Could I do it? Could I go through the pain and agony of the transformation? I'd had a taste of it, and I knew it would be a hundred times worse. Could I withstand it?

The answer came without hesitation. Hell, yes, I could. If it meant Edward and I could be together, I definitely could.

The problem was Carlisle. I bit at a cuticle on my thumb as I considered that challenge.

Edward had told me he'd never change someone unless they were near death. Would Carlisle make an exception for me?

I squared my shoulders in determination. He had to. He just had to. I'd do whatever it took…say whatever I had to say to convince him.

I felt a flutter of excitement in my stomach as I reached for the door, grabbing my coat with my other hand. I shrugged into it quickly as I made my way down the hallway and the stairs. As I neared the kitchen, I heard Maggie humming, along with the clatter of metal pans. I poked my head in.

"Maggie? What are you doing up?"

She looked up from the cupboard she was rummaging in. "Baking biscuits," she replied. "It's nearly time for breakfast."

Surprised, I turned to look out the kitchen window, my mouth dropping when I saw the pink light of dawn. I hadn't realized how long I'd been upstairs, tossing and turning. Nerves flipped in my stomach as I realized time was slipping away from me.

"Bella?" Maggie walked toward me. "Are you all right? How is Edward?"

I didn't have time to answer. I threw my arms around her tightly, just in case I never had the chance to again. "I have to go, Maggie."

She pulled back, grabbing my upper arms and looking sharply into my eyes. I tried to back away, but she held me tightly – with her hands, and with her intent and steady gaze.

"I have to go!" I repeated, pulling away gently.

Maggie blinked, and I was surprised to see her eyes fill with tears. "Yes…yes, it's time. Goodbye, Bella."

I shook off her strange comment, and even stranger expression, hugging her once more quickly before racing for the door.

The air was brisk, and a thick fog enveloped me as I hurried down the front steps to the sidewalk. The mist swirled around my feet as I walked toward the car, chilling my skin where it peeked out from under the sleeves of my coat.

I got into the car, placing the levers into position, and pressed the ignition button with my foot.

Nothing happened.

I shifted the spark lever and pressed the button again, nearly screaming in frustration when the engine didn't start. Maybe I left the lights on the night before and the battery was dead – if the stupid thing even had a battery, for that matter. Maybe I ran out of gas. I had no idea, but didn't have time to deal with it at that moment.

I needed to get to Carlisle. With every minute that passed, the panic built in my chest. I needed to get to him…convince him to change me. Once that was accomplished, I could breathe.

I got out of the car, slamming the door in irritation, and set off for the hospital on foot. My breathing grew shallow and harsh as I quickened my steps, kicking a path through the swirling fog. Before long, I found myself nearly running, scanning the streets quickly before dashing across them without stopping.

I was running out of time. I couldn't fight the feeling that I was running out of time.

Carlisle would take Edward out of the hospital to change him. But had that happened yet? I looked toward the sky through the morning fog. The pink tinge of sunrise was dissolving away, leaving behind a muted light of gray and white. A car barreling down the road startled me to awareness. I jerked to a stop moments before the sound of his horn cut through the air and he sped by, barely missing my toes.

Wasting not another second, I scanned the road once more before breaking into a run. The hospital finally came into view and I felt my heart flop uneasily in my chest. Was I too late? Would he still be there?

I burst through the door, ignoring the startled gazes of the people in the waiting room. Sweeping through, looking neither to the left nor to the right, I hurried through the ward and up the stairs.

Maybe I wasn't too late. Maybe he hadn't taken him yet.

I emerged from the stairwell, my eyes automatically scanning the far corner for Edward's bed. I spied a form huddled under the blankets and nearly sprinted across the room. His back was to me, so I circled the bed, a smile lighting my face.

The smile froze in place when I saw the man's sleeping face. It wasn't Edward.

I collapsed on the empty bed next to him. Frantic, I grabbed the arm of a passing nurse. I didn't recognize her, but I couldn't spare the time to find someone I knew.

"Where's Edward?" I demanded.

The woman blinked in confusion.

"Edward Masen," I clarified urgently. "He was in this bed when I left late last night."

The nurse's expression melded into one of compassionate pity. "Are you Mrs. Masen?"

I swallowed thickly. "Yes. Where is my husband?"

The nurse patted my shoulder. "I'm very sorry, Mrs. Masen. Mr. Masen passed just a short time ago."

I bit my lip, my eyes flitting back and forth as my mind raced, searching for my next move. I tried to anticipate where to look next.

"Where's his body?" I turned back to the nurse, standing abruptly. When she hesitated, I grabbed her arm. "Where is my husband's body? I need to see him."

She eyed me warily. "Mrs. Masen, I really don't think that is such a good idea." I huffed in exasperation. I knew I sounded like a crazy person, but I didn't have time for subtlety.

"Tell me where he is!" I ordered, my voice bordering on a shriek.

The woman looked terrified. She raised a trembling hand to pry mine from her arm. "He's in the morgue," she said, her voice shaky, "in the basement."

The morgue. Of course. Why hadn't I thought of that?

 _I wheeled his mother to the morgue first,_ Carlisle had told me. Of course, I knew that had changed, but what about the rest? _…and then I came back for him. No_ _one noticed that he was still breathing._

_Crap!_

Without another word, I released the frightened nurse and ran to the stairwell. I had never actually been to the morgue, but I raced down the stairs, continuing past the first floor ward into the bowels of the building. I stumbled into a dimly-lit hallway, my eyes scanning the area and locking on a set of double doors at the very end. I hurried to the doors, taking a deep breath before cracking one slightly. I peered into the room, releasing a heavy breath when I realized there was nobody in the room…at least no one who was alive.

I stepped quietly into the chilly room, but my shivers were not only from the temperature. Sheet-covered bodies lay on a row of gurneys lined up along one wall. Two large examining tables in the center of the room were bare, except for a metal basin holding a few scary-looking tools and some blood-tinged water. I swallowed bile as I took in the sinks on the far wall, the shelving…medical books…various chemicals and instruments, and a huge pile of sheets on the other side of the room.

I blinked in shock as understanding filtered through my muddled mind. It wasn't a pile of sheets, but a stack of bodies, at least three high and running the full length of the wall.

Dead bodies.

I fought my nausea, my desperation giving me unexpected strength. I approached the nearest gurney, taking a deep breath and instantly regretting it as the sweet stench of chemicals and death burned at my nostrils. I scanned the room again. There were so many. How could I check them all?

I pulled back the sheet slowly, tears pricking my eyes. A glimpse of red hair had me gasping in shock, but as I pulled the sheet lower, I saw that a young woman, pale and still, lay on the gurney.

_Not Edward._

My hand flew to my mouth as I suppressed a sob. I felt my stomach roil and my head swim and realized I was going to be sick. I lunged for the door, my hand scrabbling on the knob for a moment before I was able to pull it open. I ran down the hallway, heading for the stairs, before I noticed daylight streaming under a door to my left. I pushed it open, inhaling deeply as I stepped into the fresh air of an open stairwell. I clambered up the stairs, barely making it to a low bush before emptying the contents of my stomach in violent heaves.

Once again, Carlisle's words came back to me. _The morgue was empty – of the living, at least_. _I stole him out the back door, and carried him across the rooftops back to my home._ My gaze inadvertently climbed to the hospital roof as I realized where I had to go. I spun on my heel, swiping my hand across my mouth and swallowing against the bitter taste on my tongue as I ran around to the front of the hospital and down the street toward Carlisle's townhouse.

A wave of dizziness all but stopped me in my tracks, and I paused for a moment, breathing deeply. I couldn't keep down a rising lump of panic.

I had to get there. I was running out of time. I shook my head to clear it and took off down the street, my coat flapping open like a cape behind me, and my watch locket bouncing against my chest in time with my steps. I gulped for air, fighting to maintain my speed although my muscles burned with exertion. I had to keep going.

_Edward._

_I'm coming._

_Wait for me…please._

Frantic, I finally made out the bright turquoise doors marking my destination. I leapt up the front steps, knocking quickly on the door. When there was no response, I knocked again.

Nerves erupted in my stomach. I pounded on the door. "Carlisle!" I called out, trying to peer through the curtains over the front windows. The hallway was still and silent.

Maybe they were in the basement. Was there a basement? I looked to the left and sure enough there was a row of windows below ground level. The opening was surrounded by a low fence, however, and there was no outside stairway. I leaned over the fence, reaching down to knock on the basement window. "Carlisle! It's Bella! Open the door!" I yelled into the dim window well. I peered through the sheer curtains, but saw no movement. I descended the front steps, rounding the low fence to the other side of the house, leaning over to knock on another window.

"Carlisle!" I knew I looked like a lunatic, but I was feeling like one at that moment. The devastating feeling that Edward wasn't there…that I had no idea _where_ he was…was driving all rational thought from my mind.

Panic chilled my skin as I approached the front doors once again, pounding with both hands. "Carlisle! Please!" I called out on a sob as yet another round of dizziness swept through me. I pressed a clammy hand to my forehead and tried to steady my breaths, thinking I was hyperventilating again.

"Miss? Are you all right?" I spun around at the masculine voice behind me. An older man I didn't know was watching me with concern creasing his brow.

"Do you need help?"

_Did I need help?_

"Have you seen Dr. Cullen?" I asked wildly, my voice cracking in desperation.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I don't know the man," he replied quietly.

"Then no," I snapped, turning abruptly. Then, thinking better of it, I looked back at the man. "I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine. Thank you."

The man nodded, then turned to walk down the street. I watched him, purposely standing quietly and trying to look sane until he was out of sight. I looked up and down the street, but saw no one else approaching. It was one time the panic over the influenza epidemic worked in my favor. I turned back to the door, loathe to keep knocking, but unsure of what else to do.

I slapped my open palm against the painted wood, leaning my forehead onto the cool glass of the door window. "Please," I begged quietly. "Where are you? I need your help."

Suddenly, a strange feeling hit me…not quite a tingling…not quite a lightheadedness. The world around me swam slightly, sharp edges blurring for a moment before returning to clarity.

_No!_

Urgency in every breath, I pounded on the door again. "Edward!" I screamed. "Carlisle!"

The feeling hit me again and I swayed on my feet, lurching over the fence and slapping at the basement window as my locket dangled from my neck. "You have to change me!"

Why didn't I think of it sooner? Why did I wait until it was too late?

Because, as another flush of tingling hit my skin, I realized that it was.

It was too late.

"Edward!" I cried, my eyes filling with tears for the chance I'd missed. The life I'd lost. The love I'd sacrificed.

I felt a tickle along my neck and gasped as my locket slid off, falling in slow motion away from my body. I reached for it, stunned when it slipped through my fingers.

Actually, it didn't slip _between_ my fingers. It actually slid _through_ my fingers.

Astonished, I lifted my hand to my face, shocked to see my skin growing transparent…my flesh losing solidity before my very eyes.

I heard a low _clink_ and looked down to see my locket lying on the concrete below the basement window, the chain curled haphazardly around it.

 _It's almost like I'm here… but I'm not really here._ Alice's description of how she felt just a short time before she vanished popped back into my mind. I finally knew what she meant. My body was losing substance. I felt like a phantom, caught between reality and nonexistence. It was terrifying to feel my very essence dissolving away.

The periphery of my vision blurred into a swirl of grays – concrete…paint…a dab of turquoise quickly fading to black. The locket's watch face grew smaller before me, as if it were falling away.

Or perhaps it was I who was falling.

_Falling._

Unbalanced, I grabbed at the iron fence, collapsing against it as the swirling eddies of color fading to monochrome disoriented me.

The fence didn't stop me, though. I passed right through it, plunging headlong toward the concrete bottom of the window well.

"Edward!" I screamed, but the sound was absorbed by the darkness consuming me.

Until there was nothing.

x-x

Blackness.

Silence.

Emptiness.

" _Bella?_ " A familiar voice from far away cut through the mute darkness.

" _I think she's coming around."_

" _Thank God."_

A low moan filled the air around me, and it took a second for me to realize that it was me.

" _Bella? Can you hear me?_ "

Edward? No, that wasn't Edward. Where was he? I had to get to him before it was too late.

"Bella, open your eyes," the voice said firmly.

I fought against my heavy lids, blinking quickly as my blurred vision gained focus. A dark face hung over me.

"Jake?" I rasped.

A wide grin split his face. "Shit, Bells, you scared the crap out of me. Are you okay?"

"Where's Edward?" I asked, confusion still swimming in my head.

 _Why was Jacob here? Where_ was _here?_

Jacob's smile fell and he looked away for a moment. I followed his gaze to find Billy on the other side of my bed. The two exchanged a concerned look.

"Jake," I said more forcefully. "Where's Edward?"

I had to know. Somehow I'd been swept back through time. Or had I? Had it been real or not? There was only one way to be sure.

I couldn't believe that, after all we'd been through – if we'd truly been through it – that Edward would have left me. Sure, he might have been angry at me for convincing Carlisle to change him, but he had to understand eventually. Carlisle would have convinced him that I acted out of love, so we could be together again one day.

He would have understood.

And he wouldn't have left – regardless of whether Jasper attacked me, or if a crazy tracker vampire tried to hunt me down.

At that thought, I looked at my arm, unsure of whether I should have felt relief or dismay that my scar was still there. My wedding ring, however, was not.

He wouldn't have left. He promised.

"Bella," Jake said gently. "You might need to see a doctor."

I clenched my eyes tightly shut for a moment. Opening them, I focused on Jake, reaching up to grab his shirt in my fist.

"Jacob. Tell me. I need you to _tell_ me. Where is Edward?" I asked slowly, through gritted teeth.

Jacob's eyes flashed back and forth between mine for a moment, then his gaze softened.

"Bells, Edward left…they all did. Months ago. Don't you remember?"

At that, I felt a tearing…a shredding in my chest, as the hole that had disappeared when I'd spotted Edward digging in his front yard ripped open once again.

Only now, it was worse.

Because although I'd loved Edward when he left the first time...although it devastated me to lose him and took everything I had not to curl up in a ball and surrender to despair, I realized I had not _completely_ loved him.

I had not _completely_ known him.

Whether it was a vision or just a crazy hallucination, what I'd experienced in 1918 made me feel that I truly knew Edward. I was one with him…joined in a way that could never be undone.

But it had.

And I was now half a person.

A wracking sob forced itself from my lips and I didn't fight it.

I mourned Edward. The human I loved and married. The man who was my partner in life. My lover. My friend. I mourned the life we'd never have…the children and grandchildren…the rocking chairs on a front porch at sunset…the hands wrinkled with age but still curled together in unity.

It didn't matter that it wasn't real. It was real to _me_. It was everything I wanted but was denied, and if possible my mourning was even more intense…more painful…because the hope I had was all in vain.

Edward left.

Nothing had changed.

It wasn't real. No matter how much I wanted it to be, it wasn't real.

I wept for all I'd lost…and all I'd never had in the first place.

x-x

Eventually, I stopped crying. Not because I'd exhausted my tears, but more because Jake was threatening to take me to a hospital. That was one thing I just couldn't deal with.

I found out I'd been unconscious for just under thirty-six hours. After I collapsed by the fire, Jake said the shaman had assured him I would be fine, but that it was important to keep me in a safe place until I awakened.

He said I'd gone on a spiritual journey to find my fate.

He had no idea.

I hadn't had time to think about what my vision meant…what, if anything, I was supposed to have learned from my time in 1918. Maybe it was all so I could understand Edward better, to understand why he would leave me to protect me. Maybe by having to decide to give him up to save his life, I was supposed to gain some sort of peace with the fact that he'd done the same thing.

It broke my heart to think I'd gone through it all just to learn how to say goodbye to him. It was a hard pill to swallow.

Jake had carried me to his house, and with Billy's help, had convinced Charlie that I was staying at the reservation to spend time with his sisters, who were visiting from out of town. Charlie was busy and overworked, as usual, so he was just happy to know that I was safe and swallowed the lie hook, line, and sinker.

Jake was freaked out, understandably, and was torn between his desire to protect me…and fear that I was really sick.

They all knew the hospital would be a risk. If word got back to Charlie that I'd experimented with hallucinogenic mushrooms, the shit would have definitely hit the fan. Fortunately, one of the boys who'd gone through the Spirit Walk had a cousin who'd come to witness the ritual, and also happened to be a third-year medical student. After a brief examination, he assured Jake that my vitals were stable and I seemed to be in no immediate danger. He couldn't account for why I was unconscious, though. Jake told me if I hadn't awoken when I did, he was going to call an ambulance, consequences be damned.

The shaman sat outside on the front porch the whole time I'd been out. Jake told me he didn't speak. He just alternated between smoking a ceremonial pipe and rocking back and forth in a trance, chanting quietly.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what he'd been smoking.

When I woke up, Billy had gone to tell him, but he was gone. Just…gone.

After my emotional outburst, Jake wanted me to see a doctor, convinced there were some side effects from my drug trip. I fought back, of course, insisting I was fine.

And I was…at least physically.

To my surprise, Billy sided with me, telling Jake that I'd obviously emerged from my Spirit Walk unscathed, and just needed time to absorb what I'd learned. I forced control of my emotions until I convinced Jacob that I could drive myself home. The truth was, I needed to be alone…to crawl into my bed and just slip into oblivion. I might have been sleeping for the better part of a day and a half, but I was still almost overcome with exhaustion.

I wanted to sleep.

I wanted to forget.

I prayed I wouldn't dream.

My truck backfired as I drove past the Forks Diner. It was strange. When I'd been dreaming, or hallucinating, or whatever, I'd often craved a burger and fries…maybe a nice frosty milkshake. But as I passed the diner, I had no urge to stop. My stomach was hollow and empty. I doubted my mouth would even enjoy the flavor of mint chocolate chip.

Unconsciously, I rubbed at my ring finger. Another stab of pain lanced through me at my missing wedding ring. There was no indication I'd ever worn one – no pale strip of flesh or slight indentation to suggest it had ever been there.

I turned into my driveway, releasing a relieved breath when I saw that the cruiser was missing. I didn't know if I could face Charlie right then – not until I'd come to grips with what had happened.

Or _hadn't_ happened, as the case may be.

I got out of the truck, continuing to breathe deeply in an attempt to slow my rapid heartbeat and still my shaking hands. I slammed the door shut and walked slowly to the front door.

A chill ran down my spine and I froze with my key in the lock, feeling for a moment like something was…off. It was almost like I was being watched. I inhaled, my hair standing on end as a sweet scent tickled my memory. It faded as quickly as it had appeared and I shrugged, shaking off my fanciful notions. I was walking an emotional tightrope, and it was no surprise that my imagination would get the better of me.

The house was silent as I walked in. I took in the empty pizza box on the counter and cereal bowl in the kitchen sink. Evidently, Charlie had survived my time away. I sighed, crushing the box into the garbage can, then washing out the bowl and wiping down the counters. A note on the refrigerator told me Charlie would be working until seven. It was Sunday morning, and with nothing else to really do, I made my way to my bedroom and collapsed onto my bed, exhaustion finally overwhelming me.

I didn't cry. I didn't dream.

I just slept.

x-x

I jolted awake hours later, unsure of what had roused me. The room was darker, and a look at the clock told me Charlie would be home in less than an hour. Relieved to have something to do to keep my mind occupied, I splashed some water on my face and went down to the kitchen to make dinner. I'd just slid a chicken casserole into the oven and was slicing up vegetables for a salad when I heard the cruiser pull into the driveway. I braced myself as Charlie walked in, hanging up his coat and holster.

"Hey there, stranger," he said cheerfully. "Something smells good."

I pasted a smile on my face. "Should be ready in about fifteen minutes."

Charlie nodded, going to the fridge and popping the top on a beer before taking a long swig. "Did you have a good time with Rachel and Rebecca?"

I was actually kind of surprised Charlie fell for that. I had never been particularly close to Jacob's sisters, but I guess Charlie figured girl-bonding was something beyond his comprehension anyway. I was sure he was just happy I seemed to be making friends outside of the Cullens.

"Yeah, it was great," I said with false enthusiasm.

"Good…good." Charlie looked guiltily toward the living room. I knew he thought he should probably talk to me, since I'd been gone so long…but I also knew that look.

"The M's played today, didn't they?" I asked, sliding some sliced carrots off the cutting board and into the salad.

Charlie smiled. "Yeah...against the Rockies. I was going to see if I could find a recap, but if you need some help in here…"

I laughed at the idea of Charlie cooking, surprised that it was actually sincere. "It's fine, Dad. Dinner's almost ready anyway. I'll let you know when it's done."

He took another sip of beer, already turning toward the living room. "Okay. Thanks, Bells."

Charlie and I ate in front of the TV, and I forced myself to swallow a few bites of casserole before pushing the rest around on my plate. After doing the dishes, I leaned up against the living room doorway.

"Well, I'm beat," I said, faking a yawn. "Rachel kept us up talking half the night. Think I'll head to bed."

Charlie nodded, but didn't turn away from the TV. "Night, Bells."

Suddenly, I had an overwhelming urge to hug him. I knew that, in reality, it had been less than two days since we'd seen each other. But to me, it felt like months – and in some ways it seemed like a lifetime. Before I even realized what I was doing, I'd wrapped an arm around his shoulders, squeezing tightly. Charlie gasped in surprise, but I pulled away before he could respond.

"Night, Dad. I'll see you in the morning." I hurried up the stairs before he could ask me what the hell was wrong with me.

After sleeping all day, I couldn't really think about my bed. Instead, I pushed the button on my computer, and waited while it booted up. I couldn't even find it in myself to be irritated at the dial-up connection. After spending some time in 1918 – well, kind of anyway – I was just grateful to be able to Google anything.

I started with _Maggie Oleson._ There were a couple on Facebook, but I was pretty sure they were a dead end.

Frowning, I tried _Maggie Oleson, 1918._

Nothing.

I bit my lip, then on a whim typed in _Carlisle Cullen._

Clicking on a link, I found a listing of staff at the hospital in Forks. I was a little surprised that he was still on it, but frustrated because it really didn't tell me anything. I already knew Carlisle was real.

For the next couple of hours I Googled everything I could think of: from _Maggie's Boarding House_ to _Orpheum Theater_ (which was real, by the way, but that didn't really prove anything), to _Cook County Hospital._ It was pretty fruitless. I found a lot of the places, which wasn't really surprising, since I'd spent a lot of time researching 1918 Chicago before my Spirit Walk, but when it came to _people_ , the results were less clear.

There were either so many entries it was impossible to pinpoint if the person was the one I was looking for…or there was nothing. Sometime during my frantic mouse-clicking I heard Charlie head up the stairs. I quickly switched off the light and my monitor until I heard his door close quietly, not wanting him to interrupt my Googling, as disappointing as it was proving to be.

I just wanted something, _anything_ , to validate my vision – to prove that it was worthwhile…that it happened for a reason.

I was starting to type _Alistair Jenkins_ into the search engine box when I felt a rush of cold air from my window. Jacob had taken to climbing up at night on occasion, and I didn't even look up, figuring he was checking to make sure I was all right.

"I'm fine, Jacob," I said in irritation. "And how many times do I have to tell you to use the door—" I clicked the search button, then froze as a sweet familiar scent hit me. I stared unseeingly at the list of links for Alistair's name, afraid to turn away…afraid that I'd finally lost my mind.

Unable to control myself, I inhaled deeply. The scent didn't evaporate. If anything, it grew stronger.

"It's not Jacob," a musical voice said quietly. I gasped, tears filling my eyes at the sound. I released the computer mouse, wrapping my arms around my stomach…trying to hold myself together, to ease the pain of the emptiness inside.

"Bella, please…look at me."

I closed my eyes, forcing the tears down my cheeks. I turned slowly, the chair squeaking slightly with the movement.

"Open your eyes."

"I can't," I whispered.

"Why?"

I choked on a sob. "Because when I open them, you'll be gone."

"Bella." The voice, so different from the one I'd grown accustomed to, was still familiar. It still stirred the raging emotions inside of me and touched my heart.

"Bella, please," he begged, his words heavy with feeling.

Finally, I relented, opening my eyes, my vision blurred by tears until I swiped at them absently. A strangled gasp forced its way out when I saw him standing there…just a few feet away from me, in front of my open window.

Edward.

I drank in his presence. His skin was no longer colored by humanity, but pale – almost iridescent – with purplish bruises darkening the hollows under his eyes. The green was gone, replaced by black ringed with gold. Only his hair was the same – still bronze and sticking out in a million directions in gorgeous disarray. His otherworldly beauty took my breath away.

He took a hesitant step toward me and I shot to my feet, throwing out a hand to stop him, the other clutched around my stomach trying to keep the hole inside me from ripping me to pieces. I couldn't figure out what I was feeling. Part of me was overjoyed to see him…another part furious that he'd left me in the first place.

"What…" I began, my voice trembling. "What are you doing here?"

"I know you're hurt and angry," he said, his eyes soft as he took another step toward me. The hand I was holding out wavered, my heart already surrendering to his presence as the pieces of the ragged hole in my chest started to weave themselves back together.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." His soothing tone lulled me as he took another step. "I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, but please don't tell me to leave until you hear what I have to say."

He paused, as though waiting to see if I was going to make him go. I couldn't, of course. All I could do was stare at him, trying to absorb the fact that he was really there.

"I have to show you something." Edward reached into his pocket slowly, watching me warily…as though I were a skittish colt he was worried might bolt at any moment. He pulled a wad of blue cloth out of his pocket. When he held it up, I realized it was actually a little bag. He continued to watch me steadily, and my eyes flashed back and forth from his intent gaze to the cloth held in his fingers.

Edward opened the drawstrings on the bag and tipped it into his open palm. I heard a metallic clink as something slid into his hand.

It couldn't be.

He extended his hand, a silver chain looped over his fingers. As if in slow motion, the chain slid through his grasp, until a pendant dropped from his palm, dangling from the chain and glinting in the dim light from my desk lamp.

No. Not a pendant. A locket.

My watch locket.

My eyes snapped to his in shock.

"I believe this belongs to you," he said with a gentle smile. "And I think we need to talk."


	35. Of Truth and Trust

_**"Love vanquishes time. To lovers, a moment can be eternity, eternity can be the tick of a clock. Across the barriers of time and the ultimate destiny, love persists, for the home of the beloved, absent or present, is always in the mind and heart. Absence does not diminish love."** _

_**\- Mary Parrish, McCalls Magazine** _

**Chapter 34 – Of Truth and Trust**

**~Edward~**

_48 hours earlier, somewhere in the Amazon Rainforest_

I closed my eyes, reaching out with my other senses to taste the world around me. It was still a few hours before sunrise, so the jungle was quiet – well, as quiet as the jungle ever was. I could hear the chirping of crickets…drips from an earlier rain storm…an occasional squawk from a bird high up in the canopy…a rustling farther away – a deep inhale identified the scent of a large snake in the surrounding brush, perhaps an Anaconda. I tilted my head, reaching out further. I made out the rushing of the river, the water trickling over stones before crashing over a large waterfall…beyond that, just at the edges of my hearing range, the sounds of the village at night. Breathing…coughing...the hushed murmur of a mother consoling a wailing baby.

Not what I was searching for… _who_ I was searching for.

I ignored my physical senses to reach out with my mind. I blocked out the thoughts of the villagers – most were hazy and dreamlike anyway – and scanned the area for the mind of a predator…a monster like me.

_Victoria._

Where was she?

I concentrated, listening intently for any sign of her, my gift branching out like so many tentacles, twisting through the heavy jungle brush. I held my breath, focusing all my energy outward…seeking…stretching…feeling…

_Nothing._

A roar of frustration erupted from me as I lashed out at a nearby palm tree. My fingers dug through the bark and into the flesh of the trunk as I shoved against it furiously. The tree trembled, then fell to the ground with a loud crash, bouncing slightly on the spongy earth. My voice echoed through the damp jungle for a moment, then all was quiet…the creatures around me startled to silence.

It was not long, however, before the chirping and rustling began again, and I collapsed in defeat onto the tree I'd felled, unsure of what to do – where to go – next.

For months, Victoria had led me on a wild chase through 23 states and into Canada before I tracked her to Texas. Her trail, however, had disappeared into the Gulf of Mexico, and I had no idea how to find it again. Outraged and frantic, I'd searched the Gulf coast, first running to Florida, then back the way I'd come to the Yucatan Peninsula…Honduras…Nicaragua…Panama. I moved to the Caribbean coastline and had about given up hope when I encountered a vampire named Gideon near a little village on the Gulf of Venezuela. He claimed he'd heard reports that a flame-haired female was seen heading toward Brazil.

Of course, grasping at straws, I started after her. It was the only thing that drove me…my only purpose since…

Since…

Well, suffice it to say destroying Victoria was my reason for living, if that was what I was doing.

But it appeared either the reports were wrong, or Victoria had once again eluded me. I'd combed the area and found no sign of her, and the vampires I did encounter had never seen a female fitting her description. I didn't ask any humans, knowing that if they'd come into contact with her, they wouldn't have lived to tell the tale.

I avoided contact with humans anyway. In reality, I avoided contact with everyone.

A twig snapped, and I jerked my head toward the sound. It was probably about a mile away, but a quick sniff was all I needed to identify the sound as that of a large cat. My mouth instantly filled with venom as its scent drifted toward me.

How long had it been since I'd fed? Days? Weeks? They all melted together now with nothing to mark the passing minutes…nothing to disrupt the tedium of life without…

I stopped myself. I couldn't even think the name. I shut off the part of me that longed to dwell on… _her_. I pushed it aside and gave in to my thirst, surrendering to the monster within. Speeding silently through the rainforest, I followed my instincts, allowing my animal cravings to take over, driven by thirst, spurred by raw need. As I neared the cat, I took to the trees, and finally crouched on a high branch, waiting for it to appear. I heard the padding of its large paws before I saw it push through some low brush. I tensed, preparing to take it down.

But I froze as I recognized the powerful beast. A jaguar - hunted nearly to extinction for its beautiful pelt, with deforestation close to finishing the job. Frustrated, yet resigned, I fought my thirst, knowing I couldn't destroy one of the few last of its kind. Instead, I marveled at its beauty - muscles bunching under spotted golden fur that almost glowed in the moonlight filtering through the canopy. It moved stealthily, yet with a kind of confident awareness, as if it knew it was the most dangerous animal in the jungle.

Well, the _second_ most dangerous.

I watched as the jaguar emerged into the dark clearing, ears twitching, as though aware someone… _something_ …was watching.

As though it knew it was being hunted.

I swallowed the venom pooling on my tongue, and the cat's head snapped up at the sound. We locked eyes – golden to black – predator to predator, still and silent in the dripping jungle night.

"Go," I whispered.

The jaguar blinked its tawny eyes once, then backed out of the clearing slowly. I heard it turn and run in the opposite direction, its paws barely touching the damp ground on the way.

With a heavy sigh I jumped from the branch, my feet barely making a sound as I landed on the jungle floor. I set off toward the river, for lack of anything better to do, taking down a tapir and a wild dog along the way as I followed its winding path.

My thirst lessened, but far from sated, I found myself standing next to the waterfall overlooking a lush valley – and beyond that, the harsh brown landscape left behind by the loggers. Heavy machinery sat idle in the night, but I knew in the morning it would be back to work, slowly chipping away at the borders of the rainforest.

My eyes wandered over the dark soil, the barrenness mirroring my soul. My indulgence in self-pity was interrupted by the vibrating of my cell phone. I pulled it from my pocket, my lips lifting in a wry smile at the Caller I.D.

Alice.

It was always Alice. The others tried a few times, but eventually gave up, allowing me to wallow without interruption. But Alice…she was the persistent one. At least once a month she called, relentlessly hitting re-dial and leaving voice mails until I answered.

My thumb hovered over the button, wondering if I should just get it over with. Instead, I pressed _Ignore_ and put the phone back in my pocket.

She'd leave a message, and maybe I'd call her back tomorrow.

I missed my family, but the truth was I couldn't bear to be around them. Part of it was being surrounded by such happy and loving couples – a reminder of everything I would never have…could never have.

But it was more than that.

They were able to hide the pity on their faces, but it wasn't so easy when it came to their minds. They worried about me constantly, and although they tried to keep… _her_ …out of their thoughts, she invariably appeared now and then – a flash of a face, a glimmer of a laugh…little things, but enough to bring me to my knees.

And when I was unhappy, they were unhappy. I felt I was dragging them down, destroying them with my self-loathing and misery. I knew it, actually, having been privy to their thoughts. It was the worst for Jasper, who experienced every ounce of my despondent loneliness.

I had to leave. To give them at least some peace.

My phone rang again and I chuckled at Alice's tenacity, hitting _Ignore_ once again before turning it off. I set it on a large boulder, along with my watch, then toed off my shoes and stripped the clothes from my body. I turned to look over the cliff at the angry, raging river, and without any further thought, jumped off into the rushing waterfall.

The falls carried me along as I plunged the thousand feet to the churning water below. I waited for some sense of fear or exhilaration to hit me. There was none, of course. The water was warm on my icy skin, and as I cut through the river's surface, I moved my arms slowly to push myself toward the bottom. I floated just above the rocky bed, looking up at the swirling eddies above me. The splash of the waterfall dulled the other sounds of the jungle, and I concentrated on shutting out the thoughts of the villagers.

It was the closest I came to quiet.

I had no idea how long I lay on the river bottom, but eventually light began to penetrate the surface of the water and I knew sunrise was on its way. The villagers would make their way to the river, and I was certain encountering a naked vampire would not be met with enthusiasm. I shoved off the rocks and swam lazily to the water's edge, walking out of the current and onto the steaming soil. With a glance toward the lightening sky, I climbed the cliff and sat down with my back propped against the boulder holding my belongings, awaiting the sunrise as my skin dried in the early morning warmth.

As I sat there, and the sky grew pink with another new dawn, I let my thoughts drift to her.

_Bella._

The name sent a surge of pain through my cold, silent heart. It was torturous to think of her, but impossible not to. Absently, I rubbed a fist against my chest, trying to ease the aching loss. Every day I struggled to stay away…fought a battle within myself to tamp down my selfish need for her.

But I feared it was a battle I would lose.

I knew I needed to leave her alone…that we all did. The only thing I brought to her was danger and fear. James…Jasper…Victoria…all of them posed a threat to Bella's safety – a threat that could only be neutralized by removing me…us…from her life. Since the moment we met, her life had been in danger. I wanted her to be safe, above all else…to have a chance for a normal life, without the looming menace of my world.

I knew that. Yet, still, I longed for her…

And selfishly, I doubted I could stay away much longer. It was a thought that both shamed and frightened me.

Low voices drew my attention, and I knew someone was coming to the river. Dressing quickly, I took to the trees and moved deeper into the jungle, where I'd be surrounded only by animals. I climbed to the top of the canopy, and reclined against the trunk of a giant tree before reluctantly pulling my cell phone from my pocket and turning it on. I noted that my battery would need to be recharged soon, which meant a trip into town, where I could sneak into an unoccupied office or hotel room long enough to plug it in. It wasn't that important to me, but I knew if Alice couldn't get in touch with me, she would worry, and so would the others. After everything I'd put them through, keeping in contact – even if it was in a limited fashion - was the least I could do.

I saw that I'd missed six phone calls – all from Alice – and had two voice mails. I dialed in to retrieve my messages, smiling slightly when I heard Alice's irritated voice.

_Edward. Where are you? Call me back. Now, please._

The little pixie could be so demanding. I deleted the message and went on to the next.

 _Edward._ She hesitated slightly, which made me frown. Was something wrong?

_I really hoped to talk to you in person about this…I'm not sure what to say…_

Her next words sent a chill through my already frozen body.

_It's Bella._

I clenched the phone tightly, the plastic frame cracking slightly. I quickly loosened my grip, frantic that I not destroy the phone before I heard the rest of the message.

_I think…I think she needs help, Edward. I don't really understand what's happening, but I think you should come home. As soon as possible. Hurry, Edward._

Before she even finished talking, I was running.

x-x

The waiting was killing me.

Well, if I wasn't already dead, that is.

I arrived in Manaus, Brazil, shortly after eleven o'clock in the morning. The sun was high in the sky, and it was difficult to get to the airport without drawing attention to myself.

Every fiber of my being wanted to keep running…to just keep running until I reached Bella…but logic finally permeated my brain, and I knew the plane would get me there faster than I could run.

But that meant waiting for nearly three hours in the airport…and another twenty-seven hours on the plane.

And it was killing me.

I paced from one end of the airport to the other, carefully avoiding the area near the windows and calling Alice every few minutes. Her phone was off. In frustration I tried to call Carlisle – only to get his voicemail as well.

I fought a furious snarl as I hung up and tried Alice again. I glanced at the departures screen and saw my flight would be leaving on time. At least something was going my way.

"Edward," a familiar male voice answered Alice's phone.

"Jasper, what is going on? Where's Alice? What's happened to Bella?" My words tumbled out on their own volition, too fast for anyone who might overhear to understand.

Jasper sighed heavily on the other end of the line. "Well, that's an interesting question," he began.

"Jasper," I spat through gritted teeth, pinching the bridge of my nose and trying to maintain some semblance of control. "What. Is. Happening?"

"That's the thing," he said. "I'm not exactly sure."

"Where's Alice? She said Bella's in trouble."

"Well," he said hesitantly. "She's here with me in Forks…but she's not exactly _here_."

If I could have, at that moment, reached through my phone and strangled Jasper, I believe I might have.

"Jasper, stop talking in riddles. My flight is about to board and I need to know what's going on."

"I don't know what to tell you, Edward," Jasper said in resignation. "Alice had a vision of Bella. She said it didn't make any sense, but that she had to try and help her."

"What kind of vision?"

"Alice didn't really understand it herself," he replied. "She said Bella was in a room, wearing some strange clothes. She said she's not sure Bella is here in Forks anymore."

A voice over the loudspeaker announced my flight was boarding. "If she's not in Forks, where is she?"

"Alice isn't sure."

"Well, where's Alice?" I growled in frustration.

"Right now?" Jasper laughed humorlessly. "She's lying on our bed unconscious."

x-x

The flight was agonizing. Twenty-seven hours of torment.

Before I had to run to the gate, Jasper told me Alice was in some kind of self-induced trance…that she'd instructed him not to try to do anything to bring her out of it. He said she'd been trying everything she could to contact Bella, wherever she was, and assured him that she would be fine, and not to interfere.

So in addition to worrying about Bella for twenty-seven hours, I was now worried about my sister as well.

I'd never longed for sleep as much. Sleep to make the time pass…instead of the grueling waiting – second after minute after hour.

It was excruciating.

I landed at Sea-Tac just after nine o'clock in the morning, local time. The sun was hidden by nearly black clouds, and thunder rolled ominously as electricity crackled in the air. As rain began to fall, I made my way out of the airport as quickly as I could without drawing attention to myself. It was a risk to run in the daylight hours, but I couldn't bear the thought of waiting for a cab or rental car, and I knew more time would be wasted than saved if I tried to charter a small plane. So, not even sparing a moment to try and call Alice again, I kept to the trees as much as I could - avoiding crowded streets and neighborhoods as well as the worst of the rain - and raced toward the Sound. Zipping my cell phone and watch into a plastic bag, I swam to Vashon Island, sprinting to the other side and taking to the water again as I headed for the Olympic Peninsula. Once on the less populated land mass, I ran all out, crossing the Olympic National Forest on the way to the town I once thought I'd never see again.

To my heart.

To Bella. Alice said she didn't think Bella was in Forks, but somehow I knew differently.

I scaled the mountains of the Olympic range as the rain lessened to a light drizzle. Rocks and dirt eventually gave way to snowy drifts as I climbed, and the wind whipped the moisture from my clothes in icy spikes. I focused on my goal, feeling each step bringing me closer to her…wondering how I'd stayed away for so long.

I paused briefly at the top of one of the foothills as Forks came into view – and beyond it, the startling blue of the Pacific. I checked my phone, but had no service, so I didn't try to call Alice again.

She'd know I was coming anyway. If she was out of her trance, that is.

I raced toward Forks, skirting the town as I drew nearer and turning toward Bella's house. I dodged between the trees, ignoring the sounds of animals scrambling to escape through the brush. Finally, I emerged from the woods behind her house, the woods where I'd left her months ago. Where I'd broken her heart…and broken my spirit.

Fighting the urge to race to her window, I stood in the shadows at the edge of the forest, listening carefully. I heard Charlie's thoughts. Evidently he was getting ready for work, but he said nothing aloud, which led me to believe Bella wasn't home. After a few minutes, he left the house, got into the cruiser and drove away.

I waited a few moments, then walked toward the house, rounding the corner and coming to an abrupt halt when I saw Alice standing on the front porch.

"Hello, Edward," she said with a smile.

I ran to her, sweeping her into a tight hug. "Are you all right?" I asked.

I felt her nod against my chest. "I'm fine."

I pulled back, holding her shoulders. "Where's Bella? Is she hurt?"

Images flashed through Alice's mind – _Bella, sitting next to Carlisle at a table I didn't recognize, smiling and laughing…Bella, wearing a high-necked blouse and long skirt, swinging a rag and dancing…Bella, lying on a bed in a small room, her head propped on her fist._

Alice shook her head and the images vanished. "No. No, Bella's fine. She's just been…" She wrinkled her nose in concentration, as if trying to choose the right words. "…away."

Frustrated, I ran my hand through my hair. "Well, if she's not here, where is she?"

Alice's head snapped to the right as her eyes grew vacant for a moment. I looked into her mind and saw Bella…driving her truck down Main Street.

"Alice?" I was growing desperate. What was happening?

She grabbed my hand. "We have to go," she said quickly. "She'll be here soon."

I pulled against her. "But I thought she needed my help. Why would we leave? Alice, what is going on?" I all but screamed.

Alice gripped my arms. "Edward. I'll explain everything, but right now we have to leave. You need to talk to Carlisle before you see her."

"Carlisle?" I repeated. "What does Carlisle have to do with any of this?"

"Edward, you need to trust me," she said firmly. "We need to go. Now."

I looked into her eyes and touched her mind, desperately searching for answers. But the only thing I saw was that Alice was telling me the truth. So, when she took off running through the woods, I followed.

**~Carlisle~**

"Are you all right?" Esme's quiet voice drew me from my musings. She walked into the living room and sat next to me on the sofa, tucking her legs beneath her and wrapping her arm over my stomach.

I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Fine. It's just…I can't believe it's finally happening."

I felt her nod against my chest and lifted a hand to run it through her hair. "What are you going to tell him?" she asked.

Ah, now that was the question. "The truth," I replied quietly. "I'm just not certain where to begin. He's not going to take it well, I'm afraid."

Esme pulled back. "He'll understand."

I nodded, but my heart wasn't in it. I did believe Edward would come to understand why I'd done what I'd done, eventually. Initially, however, I was relatively certain he was going to be angry.

Extremely angry.

That was why I'd surrendered to Alice's insistence that she be the one to meet him at Bella's house. She had been the one to call him…to bring him home…shortly before she'd called me in London.

Esme and I had been visiting Emmett and Rosalie at their home in Chiswick, West London, but over the past few days I'd been struggling with a feeling…almost an expectation, although it wasn't until after Alice called that I could put that name to it.

"Something's happened to Bella," she'd said abruptly when I answered the phone. "I called Edward, but he didn't answer – as usual – but something's going on, Carlisle. I think she needs our help."

So. It was time. Finally.

I had sighed heavily, trying to soothe Alice's worry. "It's all right, Alice."

"No, Carlisle. I'm telling you, something's wrong," she'd exclaimed.

I hesitated, knowing I couldn't reveal all to Alice, at least not yet. "We'll be on the first flight out," I assured her. "We should be back in Forks tomorrow evening."

"Carlisle," Alice began warily, a touch of accusation in her voice. "Do you know what's going on?"

I said nothing, and she was silent for a moment as well. I knew she was searching the future, looking for whatever I was holding back from her.

"Alice, stop," I said firmly. "Stop looking for right now. You need to focus on Bella."

"But what am I supposed to do?"

I clenched my eyes shut, concentrating on the pieces of a puzzle that I'd been struggling to put together for nearly a century.

"I don't really know," I finally admitted. "You need to find a way to get to Bella. That's all I can tell you."

"But how?"

"You know how, Alice," I told her encouragingly, because I knew she did. "You'll find a way. We're leaving now for the airport and will be there as soon as we can."

I'd hung up despite her protestations, and took a moment to absorb what was happening. After all the years of watching for signs and looking for answers, it appeared that Bella's incredible journey had finally begun.

Yes, I knew where she was… _when_ she was. But I had no idea what would happen next.

It was almost ninety-two years ago that Bella had walked out of the hospital, leaving Edward's fate in my hands. I'd struggled against her pleas to change him, but in the end I couldn't refuse her request. I knew what she was giving up, and how much it took for her to ask me to do what she did.

What I didn't understand for a long time was where she'd gone afterward.

I'd gone back to find her once I'd gotten Edward situated in an isolated house in Northern Minnesota. I knew, when his agonized screams began, that I couldn't keep him in Chicago. There were too many people nearby – too many chances that someone would hear him.

But when I returned later that day, Bella was gone. I'd tracked her from the boarding house to the hospital, and finally to my own home…but after that, the trail stopped. She'd just disappeared. I found her locket on the ground beneath my basement windows, but other than that, there was no sign of her.

I tendered my resignation at the hospital and went back to care for Edward, but I returned to Chicago several times over the next few weeks looking for her. I listened in to conversations in the boarding house, but it appeared no one knew what had happened to her.

Then I began to put the pieces together…to understand that, impossible as it may have been, Bella had traveled through time. And just as suddenly as she'd arrived, she'd gone back to wherever and whenever she had come from.

I worried about Edward. Once he awoke, it didn't take long for me to realize two things: first, he could read minds. And second, he had no memory of Bella – or of anything in the past few months of his life.

The only explanation I could find was the high fever he'd experienced during the influenza. Fever-induced amnesia was usually short-lived, and as a human he most likely would have regained those memories in time. But the transformation had frozen him at that moment. Although the change had healed his body, the memories destroyed by the fever could not be restored.

Which left me with a dilemma: whether to tell Edward the truth – that the love of his life was gone, vanished into some point in the future – or to lie, and protect him from what I feared would only bring him pain.

The choice, to me, was obvious. Difficult, but obvious.

So I'd hidden my thoughts as well as I could, and watched in hidden anguish as my son lived in isolation. I was certain that, to the outsider, it would seem as if he were just private…a loner. But I knew better. Esme and I tried to help him – we'd even had hopes that the addition of Rosalie to our lives would provide the connection he needed. It didn't take long to see the fallacy of that, however, and I resigned myself to watching Edward mourn a love that he didn't even know he'd lost.

Of course, it was inevitable that once in a while I would slip. A memory of Bella would pop up, unbidden, and I'd find Edward watching me with a puzzled look. There were times I almost felt as if he recognized her name, or her face, or whatever remnant of her snuck into my mind at an unguarded moment.

But the moment would pass and was quickly forgotten. Just a face or a name in a sea of names and faces that flooded his mind at any given time.

Until Edward came looking for me that day he first saw her at school, panicked and fearful.

"I have to leave, Carlisle," he'd told me, pacing back and forth in my office. "I have to leave or I'm afraid I'll…I won't be able to resist."

His face had been agonized, terrified…and it was all I could do to keep my thoughts to myself. I'd known Bella was in town. I'd been watching for her for years. But I hadn't been prepared for Edward's violent reaction. I'd encouraged him to go…to run to Alaska…not only to give him some relief, but also to give myself some time to think through what was happening.

Then they'd fallen in love. And then he'd told us we all needed to leave Forks…to leave Bella.

I struggled against interference, knowing events had to unfold as they were meant to, but unsure exactly what that entailed.

So I waited. And watched. Watched as Edward self-destructed. Waited for word that Bella had vanished.

The time had come.

"They're here." Esme rose and walked to the window, peering through the curtain and across the front yard.

I stood and joined her, wrapping my arms around her and tucking my head into her neck, inhaling deeply…gaining strength. I heard Emmett and Rosalie approaching from the other side of the house. They had been hunting, but wanted to stay close to the house so they'd be there when Edward arrived. Jasper came quietly down the stairs, pausing at the bottom, his eyes on the door expectantly.

I turned to see Edward and Alice emerge from the forest, running toward the front porch. I kissed Esme tenderly, then moved toward the door, reaching for the knob.

I glanced wryly back at my wife. "Here goes nothing," I said.

**~Alice~**

The vision of Bella driving down Highway 101 was followed immediately by one of Edward climbing into the window of her house. I knew, however, that he had no idea what he was in for, and that I needed to intercept him before Bella got home.

Carlisle had agreed, urging me to find him and bring him back to our house, so he could explain exactly what was happening…what had happened. I rolled my eyes, telling him he had some explaining to do to me, as well, and Carlisle had laughed, promising to do just that.

It was overwhelming. Somehow, Bella had traveled to 1918…and somehow, for a while, I was there with her. Although my body had remained on my bed in Forks, with Jasper sitting beside me patiently and stroking my hand, my consciousness, or my soul…my essence – whatever you wanted to call it – had found its way to my friend. I'd been there long enough to experience a human life, and to keep her from taking one.

When I'd returned from my trip to 1918, Jasper had clung to me in relief. I'd told him haltingly what had happened, and he'd told me about his conversation with Edward. I focused on my wayward brother and saw he was indeed finally heading home. On a plane, no less. That would drive him crazy.

I'd been overwhelmed by what I'd been through, and found myself pouring out my experiences to Jasper. As always, he listened intently, never doubting what I'd told him.

"It sounds like you spent a lot of time eating," he observed, humor glinting in his eyes.

I crossed my arms over my chest, my eyes narrowing. "I'd never had food before…at least not that I remembered."

"I know darlin'," he drawled, pulling me onto his lap. "I don't mean to tease you. I think it's sweet."

I kissed his cheek. "It's just so strange. To be there…then, a moment later, to be _here_."

To be honest, I hadn't actually been certain it was entirely real until Carlisle walked into the house. He'd looked at me expectantly, and I'd hesitantly shared with him my belief that Bella had gone back in time.

I half expected him to laugh or call me crazy. Instead, he grinned at me and teased me about the elk blood story I'd told around the dinner table at Maggie's. I'd gaped at him in surprise.

"You remember that?" I asked.

Carlisle smirked. "How could I forget?"

"You never said anything!" I accused.

Carlisle had sighed. "I couldn't, Alice. You, of all people, should understand that."

And I did. I knew, better than anyone, how knowledge of the future could alter that future. If Bella was to go back in time…if I was to go back to help her…it had to happen as it was supposed to happen – when it was supposed to happen. Which meant I couldn't know about it ahead of time.

It reminded me of the many conversations Bella and I had about time travel and fate…and I had to admit, it was just as confusing.

It had been almost midnight when Carlisle and Esme arrived, followed by Emmett and Rosalie a few hours later. I tried to get answers from Carlisle, but he said he was leery to talk about anything until we knew that Bella had returned.

I hadn't had any visions of her since I got back from 1918. Whenever I tried to focus on her, I saw…nothing. I couldn't explain it. It was like once I'd accomplished my purpose in the past, my link to her had been severed.

Which didn't explain why I couldn't see her in the present. I was relatively sure her body was somewhere in this time, but for some reason, I couldn't find her.

Finally, hours later, a vision swept through me and I saw her leaving the Quileute Reservation in her beat-up red truck. It was jarring – one moment there was only blackness, an abyss – the next, there she was, driving down the road and looking so, so sad.

She broke my heart…and when, in the next vision, I saw the sadness mirrored in Edward's tortured face, it broke again.

I raced to Bella's house, unsure of how I'd convince him to leave now that he'd finally given in and returned to her. In the end, I just pleaded with him to trust me…and for some reason, he did.

As we ran through the forest, Edward close beside me, I struggled to keep control of my thoughts. I had promised Carlisle that he would be the one to explain things to Edward. It was easier said than done, however.

I was mentally reciting the digits of pi backward and forward in time with our steps, when I saw Edward smirk out of the corner of my eye.

"Why don't you just tell me?" he asked in frustration.

"Carlisle said he has to explain," I said for the hundredth time.

Edward sighed, and as our house came into view, he quickened his pace, hitting the porch a few seconds before I did. Carlisle opened the door and Edward walked into the house without a word. I followed behind him, shrugging at Carlisle's worried expression. Edward stood in the middle of the room, ignoring Rosalie and Emmett on the loveseat and Jasper standing by the stairs. I walked over to Jasper and took his hand in mine. He leaned down to kiss my cheek, his eyes never leaving Edward. I could feel him emitting waves of calm into the room and was grateful he was there.

Esme crossed to Edward, hugging him tightly before kissing his cheek.

"Welcome home," she said quietly. Edward's jaw tightened, but he just nodded curtly in response. Esme moved to the sofa, and Carlisle sat next to her.

"Why don't you sit down, Edward?" Carlisle said finally.

"What's going on, Carlisle? What's happened to Bella?" Edward snarled, his patience at an end.

"I'll explain everything," Carlisle said soothingly, "but it's going to take some time. Please, Edward, sit down and just listen."

Edward glared at him for a moment, then grudgingly lowered himself to the edge of a chair, his spine stiff.

"Explain," he demanded.

Carlisle took a deep breath. "Well, first of all, you need to know that Bella is fine." His eyes flashed to me, and I nodded in assent. "You can go to her soon, but I need to tell you some things first."

Edward gave an abrupt nod, but said nothing.

"I guess there's no easy way to say this," Carlisle continued, smiling softly at Esme as she stroked his arm. He turned back to Edward.

"I've been lying to you, Edward."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "About what?"

Carlisle chuckled, but there was no humor in the sound. "When it comes to Bella? About everything."

**~Edward~**

Hours later I stood in the shadows of the trees, my eyes locked on Bella's window. Her light was on, and I knew she was awake. I could hear the clicking of her computer keyboard and the quiet whisper of her breaths. I had wanted to go to her earlier, but Alice told me she was exhausted and asleep…and that she'd be more amenable to what I'd have to say if I waited.

So I did. I waited…my heart in my throat and my fingers rubbing the blue velvet bag in my pocket containing her locket.

Carlisle's revelations had shaken me to the core. I knew Bella. Before she came to Forks…before I'd become what I was, I knew her.

I loved her.

Dear God, I'd _married_ her.

How could I not remember?

But, as I thought the words, I realized that I _did_ remember…at least part of me did.

She was the reason I was never able to connect with another woman. Somehow, deep inside, I knew what I wanted… _who_ I wanted.

Somehow, all this time, I'd been waiting for her…waiting to find her…waiting for her to come back to me. And when she did, my body responded, even though my mind didn't understand what was happening.

It craved her. It _needed_ her.

I'd thought it was because of her blood…and to a certain extent it was…but I now understood it was more.

It was everything.

And I'd thought I could leave her. The thought almost made me laugh out loud. How could I leave her? She was part of me.

I heard her sigh and knew the time had come. Charlie's quiet snoring indicated he was asleep, so I moved silently toward her window. I paused for a moment on the tree branch, my dead heart skipping a beat at the sight of her. She was beautiful…washed in the dim light from her desk lamp and focused on the computer screen, her forehead creased slightly in concentration. She clicked the mouse and I pushed the window open, stepping into her room for the first time in months, her scent hitting me like a punch in the stomach.

She hadn't looked away from the screen when she'd addressed me, thinking I was Jacob. When I corrected her, she froze, her eyes fluttering closed as she inhaled deeply. I asked her to look at me, but she refused, saying she thought I would disappear if she did. The brokenness in her voice broke me, and I begged for her to look at me. I wanted to see her eyes. I needed to see that it wasn't too late.

When she finally turned to me, her tears nearly drove me to my knees. I started toward her, but she held out a hand to stop me.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

How could I explain? How could I apologize for what I'd done?

"I know you're hurt and angry," I said finally, taking another step toward her. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, but please don't tell me to leave until you hear what I have to say."

She said nothing. She just looked at me, tears brimming in her eyes and trickling down her cheeks. I ached for her. I longed to wipe away those tears. I vowed to never make her cry again.

But first, I had to fix this.

"I have to show you something." I pulled the velvet bag from my pocket, tipping the locket into my hand. I held it out to her and she gasped in surprise. I smiled at her, willing her to understand. "I believe this belongs to you, and I think we need to talk."

"How?" she stammered slightly, reaching toward the locket, then pulling her hand back quickly. "Where did you get that?"

"Carlisle gave it to me."

"Carlisle?" she repeated, stunned. "I don't understand."

I heard Charlie grunt in the other room. "We can't talk here," I told her quietly. "Charlie will hear."

She glanced at the door, then back at me nervously.

"Please, Bella." I approached her, reaching for her hand and trying to ignore the shock that surged through my body as I finally touched her skin. I turned her hand and lay the locket in her palm, curling her fingers closed over it before letting it fall back to her side. "Come with me. Carlisle wants to talk to you, and there are things you should know."

I stepped back, holding my hand out, leaving the choice to her. "I know I have no right to ask this, but please, Bella…trust me."

She didn't move for a moment, and I feared she would refuse me. Finally, she swiped at her eyes and pulled the locket over her head, studying the watch face briefly before letting it rest against her chest. She lay her hand in mine.

"Let's go," she said simply.


	36. Of Confessions and Commitments

" _ **Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of our life by ourselves alone. We find it with another."**_

_**\- Thomas Merton** _

**Chapter 35 – Of Confessions and Commitments**

**~Bella~**

I couldn't believe what was happening. One minute I was clicking away at my computer…and the next Edward was there, holding out my watch locket and asking me to go with him.

My locket.

My hand lifted to it, my thumb rubbing at the cool metal as I followed Edward to my bedroom window.

He turned to me, raising his arms toward me slightly before dropping them to his sides. "I need to…" he began hesitantly, his eyes asking for permission to touch me.

I just nodded, and Edward swept me into his arms, springing from the window and landing quietly on the damp ground. He shifted me onto his back.

"Where's your car?"

Edward glanced back at me briefly. "I was in a hurry."

I nodded again, locking my arms and legs around him as he began to run.

It was strange that, even after all this time, it felt almost normal to cling to Edward as he raced through the dark forest. The cool air swept across my cheeks, whipping my hair away from my face. Edward's breathing was steady…a deep rhythmic countermelody to the quiet cadence of his steps.

He seemed tentative around me…wary. He didn't speak, and despite the cacophony of questions rattling around my brain, I didn't either. Instead, I absorbed what little I'd learned when he stepped through my window and back into my life.

It had really happened. As insane as it sounded, I had really traveled through time. What I couldn't wrap my head around was what had happened since then…in the ninety-plus years since I vanished from Carlisle's front porch. My mind spun with possibilities, but at the core of each one was the growing awareness of a certain truth: they'd been lying to me. Carlisle. Edward. Maybe all of them.

I mean, I understood why. It was the same thing I dealt with when I was in 1918 – fear of destroying the timeline.

Still, I had to admit that it hurt.

Edward slowed as we neared his house, looming in the darkness, and I slid down his back, holding his shoulders until I regained my balance.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah. It's just been a while," I explained. He nodded in understanding.

We walked side-by-side to the front door, arms brushing, but other than that Edward made no move to touch me. He was giving me time…giving me space.

I appreciated it, while at the same time, I felt bereft at the distance between us.

He pushed the front door open and stood back to allow me to enter first. I took a deep breath and stepped into the brightly lit interior.

When I walked through the door into the familiar living room, I felt my stomach erupt into butterflies. Carlisle stood across the room, and suddenly I was overwhelmed by all that had happened over the past few months. I saw him standing there, looking exactly as I remembered that day in the hospital – with compassion glowing in his eyes – and a choked cry burst through my lips. Without conscious thought I ran to him, throwing my arms around his neck as I burst into tears.

"Thank you," I finally managed to sob out. No matter what else had happened, he had saved Edward...for me.

"Shhhh…" Carlisle's cold hands rubbed my back gently. "It's all right, Bella. It's okay."

After a moment, I gained control of my wildly swinging emotions and pulled back, looking up at him. He brushed a tear from my cheek with a soft smile, his eyes flickering between mine as if searching for something. Apparently he found it, because a soft smile finally lit his face.

"It's been a long time," he murmured.

I knew he wasn't talking about the time he and his family had been away from Forks. He'd finally seen, in my eyes, the memories that had been missing since he first met me. I was finally the Bella he remembered.

My lips curled in a watery smile. "Yeah. So…how've you been?" I joked wryly.

Carlisle laughed with a slight shrug. "Can't complain. You know, the usual – world wars, technological advances, birth of rock and roll…same old, same old."

I snickered, and suddenly became aware of the six pairs of eyes watching us warily.

"What?" I asked defensively. "It's been over ninety years. We have a lot of catching up to do."

Alice giggled and soon everyone else was chuckling as well.

"Come on. Sit down," Carlisle said quietly, grasping my elbow loosely as he led me to the couch. "I'm sure you have a lot of questions."

I snorted. "Yeah. A few." I sat down next to him, and Edward perched on the arm of the sofa on my other side. I didn't look at him. I didn't know why I was okay with Carlisle lying, but felt so betrayed by Edward. I knew, logically, that there were good reasons for the deception…but Edward leaving Forks had all but destroyed me. And to know he'd been hiding all of this from me since I'd known him? It was going to take some time to get over that. I supposed both Edward and Carlisle understood that, and that was why Carlisle was going to be the one to explain things.

So I sat gazing down at my hands as I toyed with my scar, wondering who was going to speak first.

"I'm not certain where to start." Carlisle admitted with a grimace. "I've imagined this conversation so many times over the years, but I've never managed to figure that out."

I sighed, leaning back and pushing my hair out of my face. "Well, let's start with the obvious questions first," I suggested. "It all really happened, right? I did actually go back in time?"

Carlisle smiled. "Evidently, yes."

"And we met in 1918?"

"Yes."

"And I worked with you at the hospital. I met and married Edward," I continued. "Oh! And Alice was there?" My eyes flashed to her smiling face. She nodded enthusiastically as Carlisle said again, "Yes."

"So…you've been…lying to me," I said slowly, trying to stifle the feelings of anger and betrayal twisting my stomach. I looked from Carlisle to Edward. "Both of you."

Edward's eyes widened in shock. "No!"

"Not Edward," Carlisle explained. "Just me."

The knot in my stomach untwisted just a little. "I don't understand."

"From what I can determine, it was the fever," Carlisle told me. "The fever caused amnesia. When Edward was transformed, his body healed, but his memory did not."

I turned to Edward, stunned. "You really don't remember?"

He shook his head sadly, and I felt my anger dissipate.

"But…I don't get it," I said, turning back to Carlisle. "Edward's a mind-reader. How did you keep this from him? _Why_ did you?"

Carlisle stood and walked across the room, his hands in his pants pockets. "Well, at first I didn't know what had happened to you. After I took Edward out of Chicago, I came back to try and find you. I knew you'd want to know that he was all right, and I wanted to check on you as well. I found your locket at my home and tracked your scent to the hospital and the boarding house, but there was no sign of you. You'd just…vanished.

"I couldn't leave Edward alone for long, but I came back to Chicago several times over the next few days. I listened in on conversations at the boarding house, but nobody seemed to know where you'd gone. It took a while for me to put it together."

"How did you?" Alice asked, pulling Jasper to a large chair and perching on his lap. "I've been curious about that myself."

"I started thinking about what Bella had told me about Esme," he began, only to be interrupted by Alice.

"You told him about Esme?" she asked me, her mouth open in shock. "Weren't you scared of screwing things up? I mean, remember Amy Smart in The Butterfly Effect? One false move by Ashton Kutcher and Bam! Crack whore!"

"Thank you!" I exclaimed, relieved that someone finally understood my concerns.

"Awesome movie," Emmett added, "and Amy Smart was hot, even if she was a crack whore." Rose slapped him upside the head. "What?" he asked her. "I'm just saying."

Rosalie folded her arms across her chest and rolled her eyes, muttering something about men being idiots.

"Anyway…" Carlisle continued, sharing a confused look with Edward. "It wasn't so much _what_ you said, Bella, but _how_ you said it. When I asked about her eyes, you said, 'They were the same as yours when I met her.' You told me you 'never knew her maiden name' and 'Esme is the kindest person I know.'"

"Oh, that's so sweet, Bella," Esme said with a warm smile.

I shrugged, feeling my cheeks heat. "It's true."

Carlisle continued. "It hit me then that you'd talked about actually _meeting_ Esme…about _knowing_ her. I realized they weren't visions or premonitions that you were having, but that you'd actually _been_ in the future…that, as impossible as it seemed, you actually were _from_ the future.

"After that, it was only a short jump to conclude that you'd gone back," he said. "There was no sign of you. You'd vanished into thin air. It was the only thing that made any sense."

"And so, when you realized Edward had no memory of me, you decided to keep it from him?" I asked.

"It was a difficult decision," Carlisle admitted. "I didn't know what brought you back to 1918 in the first place. But I knew that I couldn't…I _shouldn't_ share what I'd learned with anyone who could potentially alter the events that led you to that moment. If I did something to keep you from traveling back in time, then we'd never meet and I'd never have learned about my family. Perhaps it was selfish, but you yourself told me that our family was meant to be. I didn't feel I could put that in jeopardy.

"As for Edward. I could only imagine the truth would hurt him. I knew he would meet you someday. You told him that before you left the hospital," he pointed out.

"I'll see you in Biology. Don't kill me, okay?" I murmured, remembering. Emmett guffawed at that, and even Edward smiled.

"Yes," Carlisle replied. "I didn't fully know what you meant, but I understood that there would come a time when you'd meet again…or meet for the first time," he clarified. "I knew there was a chain of events that had to happen in the future for our past to happen the way it did."

I smirked. "Kind of screws with your mind, doesn't it?"

Carlisle chuckled. "It certainly does.

"So, taking all of that into consideration, I decided it would be better to keep the truth from Edward."

"I didn't know that was possible," I replied, "Well, except for me, that is."

"It was difficult," Carlisle admitted, "but, as a newborn, Edward's singular focus was on his thirst. If he caught an errant thought of you, he was easily distracted by the suggestion of hunting. Over time, I learned to control my thoughts around him, or rather focus my thoughts elsewhere. It wasn't so much _not_ thinking about you, as it was trying to think about other things."

"And you never suspected?" I asked Edward.

He shook his head. "Not at the time. Now, of course, I remember specific instances where Carlisle's thoughts had drifted to you. It was always brief, though – he would quickly re-direct his concentration elsewhere, effectively blocking me."

"And over the years, Edward gained a greater control over his ability," Carlisle added. "He learned to tune out our thoughts to give us privacy. That made things a little easier, especially once I knew the time was drawing close that you two would meet."

"Alice," I said, glancing at her briefly.

Carlisle smiled. "Well, eventually, yes. Alice saw you coming, but I saw it long before she did."

"What do you mean?"

Carlisle looked a little smug. "Well, I had no idea how long it would be before we'd meet again. I didn't even know when you were born. I did, however, know where you lived."

"Ah, that's right." I nodded in understanding. "I told you I was from Forks when we first met."

"Yes," Carlisle narrowed his eyes. "If I recall correctly, and you know I do, I believe you were trying to tease me."

I smirked. "Maybe a little."

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's dangerous to mess with a vampire?" He grinned.

I shrugged, but said nothing.

Carlisle continued. "So, I started keeping track of the little town of Forks, Washington, watching for the arrival of one Isabella Swan. We even moved here for a short time. Of course, we couldn't stay for very long. We had to keep moving, but I kept my eye on what was happening in Forks. Then, one day a little girl was born to the police chief and his young wife, and I knew we were getting close."

"I can't believe you were waiting all that time," I murmured.

"I saw you once, you know," Carlisle replied. "You were four years old and living in Phoenix. I was attending a medical convention and decided to check on you. You were playing on your front porch, and your mother had gone inside to fix your lunch. I couldn't resist getting a closer look."

"Typical," I muttered, thinking about how Carlisle had all but stalked Esme once he found her. Carlisle ignored me.

"I stepped out from the shadow of a large tree, and at that moment you looked up with these huge brown eyes," he said with a smile. "I said 'Hello', and you just gaped at me with your mouth wide open."

A memory tickled at the corner of my mind. "I thought you were an angel," I said, half to myself, remembering a beautiful man sparkling in the hot Phoenix sunshine.

Carlisle laughed. "Yes…well…that's what you told your mother. She wrote it off as your imagination, of course, but I decided it was probably not a good idea for you to see me again until the time was right. When that time came, and I knew you were nearing the right age, we moved back to Forks."

I turned to Alice. "And you didn't see any of this coming?"

Alice just shrugged. "I can't really explain it. The only thing that makes sense is Carlisle was very careful not to make any choices that could affect either your or Edward's actions. He let things play out the way they were meant to be. I saw you coming into our lives, but I didn't see you with Edward until he made that choice. I didn't see us leaving Forks until Edward made _that_ choice. I didn't see you in 1918 until you decided to go through with the ritual."

"Yes, the ritual," Carlisle repeated, his eyes taking on that give-me-some-new-knowledge gleam I'd come to recognize. "Alice told me about that, but I'd love to hear more when you have the time."

I shook my head slightly. "I don't really think it was the ritual, you know. Lots of people go through it, and I don't know of any others who have traveled through time. The more I think about it, the more I agree with Alice – that we were sent. We had to be willing to go…have a reason to go…but someone sent us back."

"Who? And why?" Emmett asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

"As for the 'who', who knows?" I answered. "God? Fate? …Aliens?" Everyone laughed at that one. "But as for the why, I think I'm starting to understand."

"Because it had to happen," Jasper said quietly. He'd been listening in silence, but at his soft declaration, all eyes turned his way. "If she hadn't gone back in time, she wouldn't have convinced Carlisle to change Edward. Then Edward and Bella never would have met here, in this time."

My eyes narrowed as I tried to comprehend what he was saying. "So you're saying it always happened this way? I didn't change anything?"

"It's a big loop of events," Jasper explained, drawing a circle in the air with his finger. "You meet Edward, fall in love, he leaves to protect you, you go back in time." His finger continued to move in the air. "You meet Edward in the past, fall in love… _again_ ," he added with a smirk. "Convince Carlisle to change him so one day you can meet Edward, and the whole thing starts over again."

I turned to Carlisle. "But you told me Edward's _mother_ convinced you to change him."

Carlisle shrugged a shoulder. "I lied. At the time, I couldn't tell you it was you. I did tell the truth about what you said, though."

My head was spinning. "But…but how do I know that that's what _really_ happened? Maybe you only remember it that way because I really did change the past."

Everyone was silent for a long minute, and to my surprise, it was Rosalie who spoke up.

"You don't," she said flatly.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"You don't know if you changed anything or not. You _can't_ know," she explained. "But what does it matter? You're together now. What's important is where you go from here.

"The past is the past…well, usually anyway," Rose added. "The question is: now that this is all out in the open, what are you going to do about the future?"

x-x

"It's a lot to take in, isn't it?" Alice's quiet voice cut through my scrambled thoughts. I'd needed a moment to absorb the night's revelations and had walked out into the back yard, staring blankly across the damp grass to the looming forest beyond and listening to the rushing of the river.

I turned to Alice with a wry smile. "I think that's a bit of an understatement."

"I know." She stood beside me, taking a deep breath. "It's strange for me too. To think Carlisle knew this was going to happen. It's weird being on this side of the premonitions, you know?"

I laughed slightly. "Yeah. I can imagine." Alice was probably the only other person who could really understand what I was going through. After all, she'd been through it too.

"Are you mad he didn't tell you?" I asked.

She smiled. "No. I get it. You?"

I sighed. "I get it too." I turned back to the forest. After a moment, I asked her quietly, "Do you miss it? Being human? Now that you know what it's like, that is."

I heard Alice chuckle lightly. "Honestly? A little. I mean, there were some things that I really loved. Sleeping was amazing," she said, a hint of awe in her voice.

"Don't forget eating," I teased.

"Oh yeah." She sighed dreamily. "Eating was fantastic. I really wanted to try it when I got back, you know? It just wasn't the same, though." I glanced at her to see her wrinkling her nose in distaste. "Chocolate chip cookies," she explained, and I nodded.

"But overall, I'm happy with my life the way it is. I have Jasper and my family. Still, I have to say I'm incredibly grateful for the memories.

"What about you?" she asked, leaning toward me, her voice a near-whisper. "Do _you_ miss anything?"

I knew what she was asking. I'd left behind my husband, the man I loved and had hoped to build a future with. I'd come back to a man who didn't even remember that part of our lives. I felt a lot like I did when I first met Edward in 1918 – like I was betraying one love for another, one Edward for another – when in fact they were the same man. It was overwhelming. I flipped open my locket, still amazed at the thought that Carlisle had kept if for me all these years. I ran a finger lightly over the lock of hair tied by a faded yellow ribbon. A tiny remnant of the man I'd lost.

I blinked back tears as I answered Alice. "I fell in love with him all over again, Alice. And he doesn't remember it. He doesn't remember how we argued all of the time when we first met. He doesn't remember laughing together…falling in love…how he proposed to me and how I fought him on getting married. He doesn't remember dancing at our wedding…the little cottage where we lived. So yeah, I miss that. I miss the part of him that went through all of that with me."

Alice's cold arm went around my shoulders, squeezing gently. "He's still here, Bella. He's different, but he's still here, and he loves you…he loves you with all of his heart."

I leaned against her, closing my eyes, and we stood in silence for a moment until I heard a slight movement behind us.

"Bella?" Edward's voice cut through the darkness. Alice pulled away, flashing me a sympathetic smile before turning to walk back into the house. Edward nodded at her as he passed and came to stand beside me.

"How are you doing?" he asked. His hand twitched as if to reach out to me, but instead, he tucked them both in his pants pockets.

"I'm all right," I replied quietly. "How about you? I'm sure this is as much of a shock to you as it is to me."

Edward gazed across the yard. "I'm fine." He shifted uncomfortably. "I'll have to admit I was upset at first. I felt rather…manipulated."

"That's understandable."

He nodded. "But I suppose I can see now why Carlisle kept this from me…from all of us. And if the end result was to bring us back together…" His words trailed off as he turned to me with a soft smile. "Well, I can see his heart was in the right place…as usual.

"Speaking of Carlisle, he asked me to come and get you. He has something he wants to give you."

I nodded, but as I turned to go back inside, Edward grabbed my elbow to stop me.

"You're wrong, you know," he said with soft intensity. "I do remember, at least in a way."

I searched his face. "What do you mean?"

He reached up, tentatively stroking a hand down my cheek as his eyes followed the movement. "I may not remember the details…the conversations…the things that we did together. But a part of me remembered you…it always had, although I didn't realize it at the time.

"I thought it was your blood that called to me," he explained. "And it did, but there was more to it than that. I couldn't understand why I felt this undeniable draw to you…a grinding need to protect you, to have you near me. I guess now it makes a little more sense.

"I've always thought that once I became what I am, I lost what made me human…that I had no soul. But this…" He rubbed my upper arms gently, tracing his fingers down over the back of my hands. At the familiar pull, the recognizable electricity that shot through me at his touch, I turned my hands, lacing my fingers with his. His eyes were topaz, not green, yet they still swam with a passion and love that I knew. This was Edward…no matter what, he was my Edward.

"This makes me doubt my beliefs," Edward continued, "because part of me stayed connected to you over all of these years, even if I wasn't aware of it. It makes me wonder if maybe I do have a soul, after all. And if I do…I know it's yours."

Edward's beautiful face blurred in front of me, and I realized my eyes were full of tears. I blinked, forcing them down my cheeks, and Edward lifted his hands to cup my face, brushing the tears away with his thumbs. "Don't cry," he whispered.

"I missed you so much," I replied. "You left…and you almost broke me."

"I'm sorry," he choked out, emotion filling his face. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Don't do it again," I pleaded. "Please…promise you'll never leave me."

Edward smiled softly. "Bella, where would I go?"

I froze in shock, my eyes searching his for a glimmer of recognition. Did he remember?

_Did it matter?_

Rosalie was right. Regardless of what happened in the past, and what Edward did or didn't remember, we were here. We were together. We had hope.

We had a future.

"I love you, Edward."

His smile grew as his thumb brushed my lips. "I love you, too. With all that I am." He leaned down and kissed me, hard to soft…cold to warm…different from what I'd come to know, but still familiar and altogether devastating.

I reached up, twisting my fingers into his hair as he deepened the kiss, protecting me from his razor-sharp teeth, but still managing to steal my breath from my body. I whimpered, pressing closer to him…my body knowing what it wanted…what it craved.

Edward pulled back, his eyes nearly black. "So…we were married."

I nodded, still breathless.

"And did we…uh…" His gaze dropped to his feet. "Did we…you know?"

I smirked when I realized what he was getting at. "Consummate?" I asked wryly.

Edward nodded, but didn't look up.

I leaned forward to whisper in his ear, "Repeatedly."

Edward's eyes shot up and I saw a flash of a familiar emotion in them.

_Lust._

I giggled. Apparently, some things hadn't changed that much.

Edward cleared his throat. "That's…um…good to know," he said uncomfortably. "Well, we should get back inside. Carlisle really wanted to show you something."

I nodded, trailing a finger across his chest as I walked by and reveling just a little at his sharp intake of breath.

_That's right, Edward. I might have learned a thing or two from being married to you. Watch out._

I walked back into the living room with Edward right behind me. Everyone was still there, and Carlisle held a small stack of books in his hand.

"Everything all right?" he asked, his eyes moving from me to Edward.

"Fine," I assured him, sitting back down on the couch as Edward sat next to me. Carlisle walked over and sat on the other side of me, holding out the books.

"I thought you might like to have these," he said.

I looked down at the two leather-bound volumes. One was smaller, thinner, with a darker cover. I opened it first, my mouth dropping open in shock when what I read on the title page registered.

_My Life at Maggie's: Chicago in the Big War_

_By Alistair Jenkins_

I gaped at Carlisle, but he only smiled in return. "I marked a chapter I thought you'd find particularly interesting," he said.

I flipped pages to a lavender ribbon, used as a bookmark, gasping when I saw the photograph.

"It's us," I whispered.

It was Maggie's back yard, the day before Edward and I left for Altoona. I remembered Alistair had been in a corner of the yard snapping photographs, but I'd thought he was taking pictures of flowers. I felt tears prick my eyes once again as I took in the familiar faces.

Edward leaned in, looking at the photograph. I swiped at my tears, then ran my fingers over the page.

"That's Jared and Liza," I told him. "They were schoolteachers and lived at the boarding house with me. I pointed to the other figures sitting at the table on the back porch. "That's Tom and Samantha. They were to be married the next summer. Samantha was one of your closest friends." I glanced at Edward, but he was just looking at the page in concentration, as if willing himself to remember. I pointed to Maggie, where she was bent over a low bush. "That's Maggie. She owned the boarding house. She was a good friend to me. I don't know if I could have survived without her."

"I loved Maggie," I heard Alice say. I nodded in response.

"I spoke to her after you left," Carlisle added, and I looked up in surprise. "I knew she would be worried, and once I figured out what had happened to you, I wanted to reassure her that you were all right."

"What did you tell her?" I asked.

Carlisle shrugged. "Not much. She already knew. She took one look at me and she said, 'Oh, Dr. Cullen. Why so glum? Bella's back where she belongs, you know.' Then she winked at me."

I laughed. "That's Maggie. She had a bit 'o the sight, you know," I said, mimicking her brogue.

"So I gathered," Carlisle replied.

Edward was still looking at the picture in the book. He reached out to touch the spot where we sat on the porch steps, Edward's fingers tangled in the ends of my hair, his lips pressed to my temple.

"It wasn't that I didn't believe it," he murmured. "It's just seeing this…" His words trailed off.

"I know," I said, leaning my head on his shoulder. "It makes it real."

He kissed my head softly. "Yeah."

"I want to see!" Alice demanded brightly, lightening the mood. I handed her Alistair's book.

"It's hard to imagine that creepy old Alistair was writing about all of us," she said, flipping through the pages.

I snorted. "I know. He was so secretive about his work. I half-thought he was writing some subversive manifesto."

With a glance at Carlisle, I turned my attention to the larger book, flipping open its leather cover. My eyes went back to Carlisle. "A scrapbook?"

Carlisle smiled. "You know I like to keep them. I thought you would appreciate knowing what happened to all of your friends."

My heart warmed at the thought that Carlisle had spent the time to put together such a precious memento. "I can't believe you did this," I said, my words trembling a bit with emotion.

Carlisle shrugged off my gratitude, reaching over to turn a page.

I looked down at a yellowed newspaper clipping. At the top was a photograph of an older woman I realized was Maggie, standing next to a tall, balding man with glasses perched on his nose. Both were smiling widely and Maggie had her arm looped through the man's elbow. I read the caption below.

_Mr. & Mrs. Henry Oleson celebrate their 35_ _th_ _wedding anniversary._

"Henry?" I turned to Carlisle in surprise. "Henry came back?"

Carlisle nodded. "Not long after you left, he took ill with the influenza. When Maggie heard, she was the first to his bedside. She nursed him back to health and once he recovered, he begged her forgiveness and asked that she take him back. They had forty-two years together before he passed."

I turned the page, seeing the obituaries for Henry, then one dated a year later for Maggie. I wiped an errant tear.

"They're all gone," I said softly.

Edward wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "It has been ninety years, Bella," he reminded me.

"Not for me." I felt Edward squeeze me gently, and turned another page.

I smiled, seeing Tom and Samantha's wedding announcement from the Tribune. Samantha was glorious, of course, glowing in white lace. Tom stood tall and proud in his suit, a wide smile on his handsome face. I glanced through the other clippings – birth announcements, articles that Tom wrote for the Tribune, a photograph of Samantha's graduating class from the nursing school.

"Tom eventually became an editor at the Tribune," Carlisle told me. "Samantha worked at Cook County until they started a family. He and Samantha had five children, fourteen grandchildren, and twenty-three great grandchildren. Many of them went into the medical field or into journalism. In fact, their great-granddaughter Abby became an anchor at CNN."

I thought for a moment. "You mean Abby McClayne?"

Carlisle nodded.

I grinned. "Tom would have been so proud."

My grin fell as I came across an obituary for Jared Johannes, dated November, 1918.

"He died in the outbreak," Carlisle said somberly. "It was very quick."

"Poor Liza," I murmured, my heart aching for her loss. I turned the page, stopping at a newspaper photograph of Liza standing next to a man I didn't recognize and a little boy.

"Liza left Chicago after Jared died," Carlisle explained. "She moved to Tennessee to be near her family and start fresh. While she was there, she met a widower and remarried in 1920."

I read the caption, then, in shock, quickly read the brief marriage announcement before staring blankly again at the caption.

_Mr. & Mrs. Emmett McCarty, Sr., with Emmett McCarty, Jr._

My eyes rose slowly to see Emmett watching me with a wide grin.

"No way!" I exclaimed.

"Way!" he said with a laugh.

"Liza was your…"

"…Stepmother," he finished. "Actually, the only mother I remember. Small world, huh?"

I shook my head at the coincidence. Actually, I wasn't entirely sure I believed in coincidence any longer.

"Now hold on a second!" Alice exclaimed from where she sat on Jasper's lap. She looked genuinely appalled and held up Alistair's book, thumping a hand against its cover.

"He writes about everyone at the boarding house except me!" she complained loudly. "I know I wasn't there for very long, but I don't even get a sentence? Not even a 'Miss Swan's lovely and engaging cousin came to visit?' What is up with that?"

We all gaped at Alice's outburst before breaking out in laughter.

"What?" she asked in a hurt voice. "It doesn't seem like an unreasonable request." Jasper pulled her into a hug, setting the book on a side table.

I turned another page in the scrapbook and smiled at the collection of photos and clippings. Carlisle had kept painstaking records of the women I worked with at the hospital and some of those I knew from the Chicago Women's Association. A large newspaper photo from the suffrage rally caught my eye. Eleanor and I were standing in the crowd listening to the speaker. I could even make out Carlisle's profile.

"You marched in a suffrage rally?" Edward asked admiringly. "Impressive."

I choked slightly and Carlisle covered a smirk.

"Yeah, well, you didn't think so at the time," I told him.

"Really?" Edward looked shocked, then he nodded slightly. "I'd imagine it would be kind of dangerous. I wouldn't want you to get hurt."

Carlisle laughed and I elbowed him lightly.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked.

"Not a thing," I replied, patting his arm lightly before turning back to Carlisle. "What happened to Eleanor?"

"She never re-married," Carlisle told me. "But she lived her life her way. She died at eighty-seven years old, and her funeral was standing room only."

I fought a wave of sadness. After a moment, I asked wryly, "All men?"

Carlisle chuckled. "Well, mostly…yes."

"Were you there?"

Carlisle's smile fell slightly. "Yes. She was a dear friend…a wonderful woman."

My eyes flashed to Esme as I recalled what I'd learned about Carlisle's relationship with Eleanor. I leaned closer to Carlisle, speaking between my clenched teeth. "Does Esme know about…you know?" I asked, raising my eyebrows suggestively.

"Esme knows everything," Esme replied with a smile and a slight wink. Everyone else just looked confused at the exchange.

"When Edward left us in 1927, I had some doubts about the conclusions I'd come to," Carlisle explained. "I told Esme everything about my life in Chicago. _Everything_ ," he emphasized to me. "I needed to have some reassurance that I was doing the right thing. Esme gave me that."

Esme crossed the room, perching on the arm of the couch next to her husband. He took her hand, pressing it to his lips.

"Carlisle knew Edward would come back eventually," she told me. "He knew it was a risk to tell me what was happening, but he helped me learn to focus my thoughts as well, so Edward wouldn't read the truth from me. It was actually a little easier for me, since I'd never met you in person."

I glanced at Carlisle archly, asking Esme, "Did he tell you how he stalked you for months?"

Esme laughed. "Well, he put it a little differently. He said he was watching out for me, but yes, he told me."

I shook my head. "I thought for sure he was going to step in before it was time and do something crazy."

Neither Carlisle nor Esme spoke for a moment, and I noticed Carlisle shifting uncomfortably. Esme watched him with a knowing smile.

"Did I miss something?" I asked.

Carlisle's eyes shot to Esme, who just nodded slightly. "I think you should tell her."

With a heavy sigh, Carlisle finally admitted, "I might have intervened…just a little."

"What did you do?" I watched him with wide eyes as he glanced at Esme again.

"When Esme left her husband, he didn't take it well," he began, slowly. "He set out to find her. I told you he was abusive. He would have dragged her back to Ohio and I knew he would have hurt her. I couldn't let that happen."

"Oh my God, Carlisle!" I gasped, my hand flying to my mouth. "You killed him?"

"What?" Carlisle exclaimed. "No! Of course not!"

"Well, what did you do?" I asked.

Carlisle squirmed. I didn't recall ever seeing Carlisle squirm before. "I might have…frightened him a bit."

"Oh God," I moaned, my hand covering my face.

"It wasn't anything, really," he said hurriedly. "I just…uh…"

"What?"

"Tell her, Carlisle," Esme urged, her lips twitching.

"Uh…"

"Carlisle?"

"Fine!" he growled. "I snuck into his house in the middle of the night, carried him to the top of Cantwell Cliffs, and dangled him over the edge by his feet. I told him if he didn't leave Esme alone I was going to drop him and leave his broken body for the wolves to feed on."

Every eye in the room was staring at Carlisle. He, however, became extremely interested in the toes of his shoes.

"Wow, Carlisle," Emmett finally said. "I didn't know you had it in you."

A hysterical giggle burst from my mouth, and before long we were all laughing.

Even Carlisle.

x-x

It was almost three in the morning by the time Edward carried me back through my bedroom window. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically, and collapsed into the bed. Edward started to leave, but I asked him to stay, needing to feel his arms around me. He agreed with a gentle smile, wrapping me in my quilt and holding me gently as I drifted off to sleep.

He was gone when Charlie knocked on my door to wake me the next morning, but I knew he wasn't far away. I showered and dressed quickly, and he pulled into the driveway shortly after Charlie left for work. He held the door for me as always, and it was eerily familiar how easily we got back into our old routine.

School was…well… school. Pretty much the same as I remembered it. I did feel a wave of emotion when I saw my friends the first time, and had to fight the urge to pull them all into tight hugs – even Mike Newton, which was weird.

Edward and I spent just about every moment together. We talked a lot about my time in 1918 as I filled in the blanks for him. I told him about our life together, our wedding…even how we pretty much couldn't stand each other when we first met.

"It sounds like I was an ass," he'd said gruffly as we were sitting at my kitchen table after school, pretending to study.

I smiled at him teasingly. "You kind of were. I loved you anyway, though," I said with a light kiss on his cheek.

"Carlisle said he couldn't stand me," he added.

"Oh God, you _hated_ each other," I replied with a laugh. "I didn't know how you guys would ever learn to get along."

Edward's lips quirked, but he seemed distracted. He looked away as if considering his next words carefully. "You two were…close," he said finally.

I searched his face, but he wouldn't meet my eyes. "Yes," I answered simply.

He swallowed, and I knew he was going to ask a question that had been eating at him for a while. "How close?"

His eyes finally returned to mine and I saw the insecurity swimming in their golden depths. I reached out to take his hand. "Edward…" I began.

"It's not that I would blame you," he interrupted. "I left you, then when you finally found me again, I was a complete jerk to you. And Carlisle is one of the best men I know…"

This time it was me who interrupted. "Edward. No. Don't even think that," I said. "Yes, Carlisle and I were friends. He helped me so much and we did become close friends, but that's all.

"You know as much as I do that Carlisle was meant for Esme. Just as you were meant for me," I added, and his eyes softened.

I didn't mention the fact that Carlisle had once thought he loved me. It didn't matter. I never truly believed he did anyway…and I thought Carlisle would have been the first to agree.

Over the next few days Edward seemed a little distracted, but I wasn't really worried. It wasn't the quiet, detached distraction of the days before he left me. Instead, he was particularly attentive to me, but seemed like he was trying to solve a problem. I'd catch him watching me closely, his eyes narrowed as he concentrated.

I wasn't sure what was going through his mind, but the occasional hot glances I'd catch him shooting my way made me tremble and yearn for something…something I'd always wanted with him, but hadn't really known I was missing until I'd been married.

Yeah. I wanted Edward. Badly.

He knew. If what was happening every night in my bedroom was an indication, he definitely knew. We would lie on my bed, limbs entangled, lips caressing as we groped each other desperately. He'd pull back eventually, of course, but I got the feeling that the reason had to do more with the fact that Charlie was just down the hall than anything else.

Then it was Friday. And it appeared Edward had made a decision of some sort.

When he picked me up for school, he had a look of determination on his face that made me shiver. He pulled me to him, pressing my back against the Volvo as he devoured me in a heated kiss, his hands first grasping my ass briefly, then trailing up to stroke my breast through my sweater.

I gasped and Edward pulled back with a smirk, opening the car door for me and helping me inside.

The day progressed like that – lingering glances in the hallways…erotic touches under the lunch table…hot, stolen kisses behind the gym.

I got the sneaking suspicion Edward was seducing me.

_Didn't he know I was a sure thing?_

Still, I felt strangely nervous when he dropped me off at my house, reminding me Alice would pick me up at seven for a sleepover at their house. Charlie was still pretty firmly on the anti-Edward bandwagon. When he'd heard the Cullens were back in town, he'd started to forbid me to see him, but that had been short-lived.

I reminded him I was eighteen, an adult, and could live elsewhere if he couldn't live with Edward being in my life. He'd given in grumpily, telling me he just wanted me to be happy before kissing me lightly on the head.

I showered and dressed carefully, choosing a pair of dark jeans and a new red blouse I bought with Alice before my birthday. She showed up promptly at seven, greeting Charlie with a smile before hurrying me out the door.

"What the hell is going on?" I hissed, as soon as the door closed.

Alice smiled knowingly. "You're about to become a very happy girl. That's what's going on."

We got into Alice's car and I turned to her. "You don't mean what I think you mean, do you?"

Alice's smile only grew. "Oh, I think I mean exactly what you think I mean."

"But," I stammered, "Edward's always said it was too dangerous."

Alice glanced at me as she backed out of the driveway. "He's been spending a lot of time talking to Carlisle. I think perhaps those concerns have been alleviated."

I dropped my head into my hands. "He talked to Carlisle about us having sex?" I mumbled through my fingers. "How humiliating."

Alice patted my knee lightly. "Don't be embarrassed, Bella. I think Carlisle was able to give Edward some really useful advice."

"I may never think about sex again," I muttered.

"Look," she said, turning into her driveway. "You and Edward love each other. You want to be together. Edward went to Carlisle because he's the only one who actually knows anything about this sort of thing. Esme told me about Eleanor, by the way. Who knew Carlisle was such a bad boy?"

Alice snickered briefly before she continued. "Anyway, Carlisle was able to help Edward feel comfortable about the idea and make him realize that he could do this without killing you."

I grimaced slightly, and Alice shrugged. "What? It's true. So now, the path's been cleared. Edward's willing. You'll be alone in the house all night. Isn't this what you want?"

We pulled to a stop and I stared at the light glowing in Edward's bedroom window.

_Was this what I wanted?_

Before I even finished thinking the question, I knew the answer. Absolutely.

I smiled at Alice, opening the door. "So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

Alice grinned. "Not too early."

I nodded. "Thanks, Alice. For everything." I leaned over to hug her tightly before getting out of the car.

I took a deep breath, walking toward the house as I heard Alice drive away. I raised my hand to knock, but the door opened before I could. Edward stood there smiling in a white button-down shirt and a pair of dark jeans. He was beautiful. He was amazing.

He was mine.

He raised a hand to run it through his hair nervously. "You look beautiful," he said, stepping back so I could enter.

"Thank you," I replied quietly, shrugging out of my jacket when Edward reached for it.

"So…uh…are you hungry?" he asked, waving absently toward the kitchen. "Thirsty?"

"No," I smiled. "You?"

Edward chuckled. "No. I'm fine."

I stepped toward him, lifting a hand tentatively to his chest. "Maybe I'll have something later," I said.

Edward swallowed thickly. "Okay. Should we…uh…we could go to my room and listen to music…or read…or something…" His words trailed off.

"Okay."

I followed him upstairs, trying not to stare at the huge bed that now dominated the room. The wrought iron frame twisted in metal vines up four tall posts, accented here and there with cast metal roses. The iron formed a latticework overhead, with leaves and roses creating an almost bowery effect. The bedding was a slightly lighter shade than the golden carpet, with piles of fluffy pillows leaning against the headboard.

It was massive.

It was intimidating.

All of a sudden, I was stricken with paralyzing nerves.

"You…you got a bed," I squeaked.

Edward cleared his throat, flipping through some CDs and avoiding my eyes. "Yes, well. I thought you might want to…sleep…or something."

Just as quickly as they'd arrived, my nerves disappeared. I realized, hearing Edward's shaky voice, that he was even more scared than I was. After all, for all intents and purposes, Edward was a virgin. That meant it was up to me to comfort _him_ for a change. It was up to me to show him how incredible this could be.

I crossed the room, taking his hand from the CD shelf. "Come here," I urged him.

He followed me hesitantly as I sat down on the bed, pulling him down with me. I reached up to touch his face gently. "I love you, Edward."

His eyes fluttered closed briefly. "I love you," he replied.

I leaned in to kiss him softly, peppering his lips…his cheeks…his forehead with easy brushes. His hands went around my waist, pulling me closer as he kissed me back finally, his lips parting mine with a sigh.

He pulled back, looking into my eyes. "I thought I could do this. God knows I want to, but I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me."

"You'll tell me, right?"

I smiled at him, pulling his face closer to mine. "Don't be afraid," I murmured. "We belong together."

At that, he shifted me onto his lap, then rolled me onto the bed. He hovered over me, balanced on his elbows.

He slowly, painstakingly began to unbutton my blouse, pressing a light kiss to my skin each time a little more was revealed. I sat up and he slid it from my shoulders, his eyes washing over my bared flesh lovingly. I could never get tired of Edward looking at me like that. It was like his eyes physically caressed me, sending tingles through my body.

His hands swept up my arms, looping under my bra straps and sliding them down. I reached behind me to unhook it and he pulled it away, dropping it on the floor. He pressed me back down on the bed, reaching for the button of my jeans, and in a few minutes, I lay naked across the bed, Edward devouring me with his gaze.

"Edward," I whimpered. "Please…"

He leaned down, kissing the valley between my breasts softly as his fingers caressed my skin, trailing up my waist and cupping my breast before he pressed his cold lips to my nipple. His icy breath shocked my hot flesh and I gasped at the sensation, reaching for his shirt and fumbling with the buttons.

He pulled away, and I groaned in protest, but Edward just chuckled lightly. Before I knew what was happening, he was standing naked between my knees, looking down at me in possessive yearning. He reached under me to pull down the covers, and I shifted to the middle of the bed as he slid in next to me.

Then, his hands were everywhere…stroking…touching…sliding along my skin. His lips at my neck…my breast…my stomach. It was a whirlwind of aching tension, building around me, inside of me. I reached for Edward, clinging to his marble back, my hands gliding down to cup his perfect behind as he moaned in my ear. When I reached between us to grab his erection, hoping he still liked it the way he used to, I was pleasantly rewarded.

Edward shuddered, my name forced out of his mouth on a loud groan. I smiled in victory.

And when he tentatively slipped his icy fingers between my legs, I encouraged him with kisses and uncontrollable whimpers. Finally, he pulled back, reaching to the bedside table and rolling on a condom. I smiled slightly, grateful that I never had to see another pessary.

"To protect you from the venom," Edward explained in a raspy voice.

I nodded in appreciation. God knows we didn't need any little half-vampire teeth babies running around, if such a thing was even possible.

He came over me again. "Remember, tell me if it hurts. Please, Bella."

I reached up to touch his beautiful face, all sharp angles in the heat of love and lust. My conquering angel.

"It's okay, Edward," I told him.

Slowly…ever so slowly…he entered me. For a moment I wondered if my body was still a virgin, but thankfully, I didn't feel the pain of a ruptured maidenhead.

Only the all-consuming pleasure of being joined with Edward again…finally.

I wrapped my legs around his hips as he began to gently thrust into me, his eyes clenched shut as he struggled to maintain control. I arched against him as I felt the telltale tightening of my muscles pointing to my nearing release.

"Edward," I cried out, and he stopped abruptly.

"Are you all right?" he asked through gritted teeth, concern in his eyes.

I writhed against him. "Oh, God yes, I'm fine…don't stop," I pleaded.

"Thank God," he muttered as he gripped the headboard and began to plunge more forcefully. I felt the peak just out of my reach…growing closer with each thrust…building as the sounds of our heavy breaths and murmured endearments filled the room.

Then, without warning, Edward shifted his hips and my orgasm ripped through me in devastating waves of pleasure. I threw my head back against the pillow at the shocking jolts that twisted every muscle…purged every nerve…with Edward's name on my lips. I vaguely registered a sound of splintering wood and screeching metal before Edward shuddered above me, his face twisted into a gasp of pleasure that touched my heart. Finally, he relaxed, easing next to me and pulling me snugly into his arms. We lay there entangled, as our breathing returned to normal.

"Now I understand," Edward said quietly, stroking my arm as he pressed a soft kiss on my shoulder. "I know why I could never be with another. Why the mere thought was abhorrent to me.

"All this time, I've been waiting for you," he said, rolling onto his back and pulling me against his side. "I've been waiting for you to come back to me."

He stroked my hair and I pondered that for a moment. "Can I ask you something?" I murmured.

"Anything."

"Don't get me wrong," I said, trailing my fingers over his chest, "I'm not complaining. But you've always seemed reluctant to be with me this way. Why the change of heart?"

Edward chuckled lightly. "Well, in the first place, we're already married. Technically, although it's been a while, we've already done this a few times."

I smirked against his skin. "More than a few."

Edward laughed again. "I'd like to hear more about that," he joked. "My other concern was your safety, of course, but once I learned it was physically possible, and Carlisle told me how to protect you, well, that was that."

I hummed lightly, kissing his chest. "Well, I'm glad you decided to give it a try."

Edward pulled me more fully on top of him. "So am I. In fact, I think we should try again…very soon."

I propped up on my elbows, taking in the dented headboard and splintered wood. "I don't know if your bed could take it."

Edward glanced up at the damage, then turned back to me with a devilish grin. "Totally worth it."

I leaned down to kiss him. "You know, if I were like you, you wouldn't have to worry so much about breaking me."

Edward lifted a hand to touch my cheek, then ran his fingers through my hair, his gaze steady on mine. "I'd considered that."

"And since we're already married…'til death do us part and all…" I prodded.

He tugged me down until he could trace his lips along my neck. "You do have a point," he murmured.

"We could be together all the time," I said breathlessly as he licked my collarbone. "I'd have a lot more stamina."

"Mmmm…stamina," he whispered against my skin. "Stamina is good."

"I want to be with you forever, Edward."

He pulled back, cupping my face in his hands as he studied me closely. He nodded finally. "Forever," he agreed.

"Really?" I stared at him in shock as the corner of his mouth lifted in a lopsided grin.

"I want to be with you forever, too," he admitted. "Maybe it's selfish of me, but fifty or sixty years is just not enough."

In a flash, he rolled us over. One second, I was on top of him, the next, he was over me, his face serious.

"It's not easy, Bella," he warned me. "You won't age, but everyone around you will. One by one you'll lose the people you love."

"Not all of them," I corrected, brushing his hair away from his forehead.

He smiled softly, "No, not all. But many…Charlie…Renee…your friends at school."

I thought about the people I'd lost already…Maggie, Samantha and Tom, Liza and Jared. My heart broke a little bit, but I knew it wasn't enough for me to give up Edward.

I looked up at him, hoping he'd see all the love I had for him shining in my eyes. "I know it will be difficult. I know I'm giving some things up – big things, important things…" My thoughts drifted briefly to the children we'd never have and I fought a rush of sadness. I would mourn them in private, when Edward wasn't watching me so closely.

"But Edward, no choice is without consequences," I pointed out. "And to have you…to have forever with you? It is worth any consequence…any sacrifice. This – _us_ – this is what I am here for. I know that now."

Edward searched my eyes, then leaned down to kiss me softly…adoringly. "So I guess it's you and me then."

I smiled up at him, nodding in agreement, my heart full of joy and hope. Somehow, through it all, we'd survived…our love had survived. A vampire and a human from two different centuries.

Go figure.

It was an unlikely love story, but we'd made it to the end. No, I corrected, this was only the beginning. Despite deadly chases, life-threatening desires, deadly diseases, and nearly a century passing, we'd made it.

Beyond all expectations. Beyond all obstructions.

Beyond time.

As Edward took me again, loving me desperately…completely, I found myself whispering a quiet thanks to whoever had sent me back to find him.

Because past, present or future, Edward was now mine.

Forever.


	37. Epilogue - Of Final Farewells and Facing the Future

" _ **The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. His eyes are closed."**_

_**\- Albert Einstein** _

**Epilogue – Of Final Farewells and Facing the Future**

_Eighteen Months Later_

I sank to my knees on the frozen ground, brushing the icy snow away from the flat granite headstone.

_Margaret Miriam Oleson_

_February 2, 1883 – August 9, 1973_

Edward stood a short distance away, watching me from his position near a large, leafless oak tree. Here and there the brown and green of the dirt and dormant grass was broken up by piles of weeks-old snow and the occasional bright red of a poinsettia. Christmas was still a few weeks away, but Chicago was well into celebrating the season, and even the cemetery showed signs of the coming holiday.

Edward watched me carefully, still not convinced that this trip was a good idea. I knew he wasn't worried about my self-control – I'd passed through my newborn stage with relatively few issues – and now, more than a year since my change, I had very little problem being around humans. No, Edward wasn't concerned about others. As always, he was worried about me.

He knew this trip into my past – our past – would be painful. But it was something I really wanted to do. Something I felt I had to do. To say goodbye to those who helped me survive during my time in 1918, and to finally lay to rest that part of Edward's and my life together. Since we'd arrived, I'd visited the graves of all of my friends, saying my last farewells.

Tom and Samantha had been buried next to each other with a few of their children surrounding them. Eleanor's grave was out behind her house. Her home was now a women and children's shelter, and as I lay a handful of roses on her headstone, I could hear the laughter of children having a snowball fight in the back yard.

Eleanor would have loved that.

And finally, there was Maggie.

"Ninety years old, huh?" I said quietly to her headstone as I stood up. I knew Edward could hear me, but he turned away to at least give me the illusion of privacy.

"That's a pretty good life, Maggie," I continued. "I heard you took Henry back. I was glad to hear that…glad you weren't alone. And you had a daughter? I bet you were an amazing mother."

Even without her physical presence, there was something comforting about talking to Maggie, and I found myself confiding in her about my life since I'd come back to the present.

"Carlisle said you figured out what happened to me," I said. "Or at least that I'd gone back where I came from. Edward and I are doing great. We're engaged…again." I laughed, fingering the ring that Edward had given me six months before. If I'd been physically able, I would have sobbed when he dropped to a knee and held it out to me. As it was, I felt a tightening in my chest, followed by a blooming of love so powerful it nearly brought me to my knees. It brought with it a strange sense of déjà vu to see Edward kneeling before me for the second time, asking me to be his wife. Of course, he understood that we actually were still married – well, at least before God, even if such a relationship may not be recognized by law. But since he had no memories of his own of the event, it was important to him to take the vows again.

For me, it was just another chance to show Edward how much I loved him. I could never get enough of those. I'd also be able to have a wedding with the people I'd missed at my first one. The thought of dancing with Charlie and the smile on Renee's face got me through any nerves I had at the prospect of once again being the center of attention.

The ring brought with it its own wave of bittersweet emotions. I'd recognized it instantly, having seen and admired it countless times on his mother's hand. A narrow gold band split into a delicate web of gold across the long oval setting, twisting between slanting rows of glittering diamonds. It was gorgeous, but I had to admit to a pang of loss for my original wedding ring. I didn't know where it was – lost somewhere in the mists of time.

Just one of the many unanswered questions I still had about my journey.

Still, it seemed appropriate to have a new ring to represent our new life…a fresh start.

"Jake wasn't too happy about it," I told Maggie. "God, when he heard Edward was going to change me? I thought he was going to explode. Actually, he did, kind of." I laughed humorlessly, remembering how for a few weeks Jake phased if I ever even mentioned Edward or any of the Cullens. Of course – Jacob being Jacob – our friendship had won out, and he ended up being an advocate for Edward and me with the rest of the pack. Although Sam was the group's leader, Jacob was the one with true Alpha blood flowing in his veins. He'd never wanted to be in charge, but he put his foot down when the others had threatened war on us, citing an old treaty prohibiting the Cullens from ever biting another human.

There was a lot of debate over the fact that I was actually _choosing_ to be bitten. It was a gray area, and I came to feel like a pawn in a bizarre game of vamp/werewolf politics. The fight got pretty heated, and for a while it looked like there might be a kind of civil war among the Quileute brothers. But, in the end, Jacob won out, although we'd all had to leave Forks and stay away – forever, according to the rest of the pack – for the immediate future, according to Jacob. He seemed positive that the others would come around eventually and we'd be able to return someday.

I hoped so. Despite the fact that I'd hated that cold and drizzly corner of Washington when I'd moved there, I'd come to love it.

Charlie's reaction to my engagement hadn't been much better than Jacob's to my transformation. Surprisingly, it was Renee who softened his stance on the whole thing. Edward and I had flown to Jacksonville to visit her during Spring Break, and she'd spent a lot of time getting to know him. I'd thought for sure she would flip when just a few months later I told her I was getting married, but Renee had been supportive, saying I was always one who knew my own mind, and she had no doubts that Edward loved me.

"I went to Europe," I continued in my one-way dialog with my old friend. "We told Charlie that Edward and I had won placement in a summer program in Italy. I had to get out of Forks, far enough away so Charlie wouldn't get a wild hair and decide to visit. He and Carlisle took me to Alaska first…this little cabin way up in the mountains. We had to be someplace away from people."

I wasn't cold, but I felt a shiver run down my spine as I recalled my time in that cabin and the three days of my transformation. Most of it was a blur of pain…fear…burning. I'd remembered what vampire venom felt like because of James' bite, but to feel it through my whole body? It was excruciating. I understood finally why Edward said the agony of the change was a new vampire's strongest memory.

It was one I wished I could forget.

I never told Edward that somewhere deep inside I had a niggling fear that once I'd been changed he might not want me in the same way. Although being his "singer" was life-threatening, in a way it was also a little reassuring. I knew he wanted me more than anyone else. Sure, I now realized that it was because of our connection in the past, but I also knew my blood tied him to me as well.

Carlisle actually took some of my blood before I was changed because he was convinced that our transfusion was the real reason Edward was so attracted to my blood. Luckily, my experiences at the hospital had pretty much done away with my squeamishness around needles, and I was happy to provide a pint or two to satisfy Carlisle's scientific curiosity. He hadn't come up with any answers yet, but I had no doubt he would someday.

As for my fears, they proved to be unfounded. Edward was as attracted to me – if not even more so – now that I had venom running through my veins instead of blood.

Edward and I had planned to stay at the cabin for a good portion of my newborn year, while Carlisle returned to the rest of the family. That fell apart when Carlisle showed up one night with a grim look on his face and said we'd been summoned by the Volturi. He'd explained they were kind of royalty, in charge of enforcing vampire laws – the biggest one being keeping the existence of their kind a secret. Evidently they'd been informed that the Cullens had blabbed about that secret and had demanded that all of us appear before them. Carlisle said he'd tried to explain to them that I'd been changed and no one else knew about them, but the Volturi wanted to see for themselves.

Since Carlisle thought being cooped up in a plane with a couple hundred humans might be a bit too much temptation for me, Edward and I swam to Europe while the rest of the family flew.

"That's right, I swam to Europe," I told Maggie with a laugh. "It's actually not as hard as you'd think when you don't have to breathe and have limitless stamina."

The Volturi – Aro, Caius, and Marcus – held court in an ancient castle in a gorgeous Italian village. I was shocked at the seeming unawareness of the thousands of people who lived in the town, but Edward told me the Volturi never hunted on their home territory. In essence, it was probably the safest place in Europe for a human who wanted to avoid becoming a meal for some hungry vampire.

I was overwhelmed when I'd walked into what I could only describe as the Volturi throne room. The three ancient vampires were creepy, to say the least, with their papery skin and milky red eyes. The Volturi guard stood nearby, huge and intimidating, and there were others watching the happenings with interest. It actually took a few moments for me to recognize one of them, standing off to the side.

Victoria.

She stood, arms crossed over her chest, her angry eyes darting back and forth between me and Edward. Skulking behind her, apparently trying to be invisible, was Laurent. I later learned he had been in Forks, keeping track of me for Victoria. After what had happened to James, (I'd been relieved to know he was in fact still dead, and my meddling in the past had not altered that reality) she'd made it her mission to destroy me, and in turn, Edward. A mate for a mate, Laurent had said. But the return of the Cullens and the unexpected presence of the Quileute pack had put a kink in Victoria's plans. So she'd turned to the Volturi, hoping they would do her dirty work for her.

Edward had held my hand through the whole ordeal, standing stiffly on one side of me with Carlisle on the other. The rest of my family stood behind us in a protective half-circle. The tension was thick in the air and even Carlisle was conspicuously alert, his fingers flexing at his sides as Aro – apparently the spokesman of the group – stepped forward to speak to us.

In the end, the meeting was surprisingly anti-climactic. Aro had exchanged a few pleasantries with Carlisle, taking his hand…then Edward's…then Alice's, ignoring the rest of the family. Edward had explained to me about Aro's ability to see every thought a person had ever had with a mere touch of his fingers. The Volturi also had a craving for power, and coveted Edward's and Alice's abilities. Aro had not so subtly invited the two of them to stay in Volterra for as long as they liked, an invitation both Edward and Alice politely refused.

"And this must be the lovely Isabella," he'd said when he finally approached me, extending a papery hand. Edward had nodded slightly and I reached out, fighting a wince as Aro took my hand in both of his, closing his eyes and tilting his head slightly as he searched my mind.

The room stilled and I held my breath as I waited.

Aro glanced up at me briefly, a look of confusion on his face before he squeezed his eyes shut once again. I heard Edward chuckle slightly next to me.

"Remarkable," Aro said finally as he released my hand, his eyes drifting to Edward. "Does she block you as well?"

Edward simply nodded. "She always has, even as a human."

"Remarkable," Aro had said again, before turning back to me. "Can you control it?"

I swallowed, still unsure of what he was talking about. "I…I don't know. It's not something I do on purpose."

Aro smiled softly, his gentle expression belied by the glittering appraisal in his eyes. "You should train her, Carlisle," he'd said without taking his gaze from mine. "Such a gift should not be squandered."

"Of course," Carlisle had replied quickly.

"Well, brothers," Aro had said finally, clapping his hands together once as he stepped back onto the raised dais where Caius and Marcus sat observing. "I believe we can agree there is no violation here." He spared a pointed glare at Victoria, whose eyes dropped instantly. Laurent was nowhere to be seen, and had apparently slipped from the room when he saw Victoria's plan going south. Caius and Marcus each nodded briefly, but made no comment, and Aro turned back to us.

"It was wonderful to see you, old friend," Aro said to Carlisle with a smile, "and all of your family as well, the newest member included." He turned his smile on me briefly before returning to Carlisle. "Is there any way to persuade you to stay for a while? I have missed your company over the years."

Carlisle had stepped forward. "Thank you for your hospitality, Aro. Unfortunately, we must be returning to the States as soon as possible."

Aro had nodded sadly. "Of course. You have obligations elsewhere. I understand," he said. "I sincerely hope it won't be as long before your next visit."

We had left quickly, my eyes drifting to Victoria's as we made our way to the large doors. Emotions flew across her face, from anger to defiance to sadness and finally a defeated resignation. I almost felt sorry for her.

"What will happen to Victoria?" I'd whispered to Edward as the huge doors slammed shut behind us.

Edward had wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. "I don't know. She took a risk taking this to the Volturi. They don't appreciate having their time wasted, and I'm sure Aro knows her true motivations," he said quietly. "In any case, I don't think she'll be bothering us anymore. Aro has always held out hope that one day Alice and I would join him. Now he's added you to that hope."

I shivered slightly at the prospect.

"Victoria doesn't dare risk angering the Volturi by continuing to come after us," Edward continued. "If they let her live, that is."

The fluttering of snowflakes drew my attention back to the present. I tilted my head back, closing my eyes as the fluffy whiteness drifted down around me. "We haven't seen Victoria since…Laurent either," I told Maggie quietly. "When we got back to Alaska, Carlisle decided we needed to start working on my control over my shield…that's what he calls it – a shield. That was frustrating at first. You have no idea," I said with a laugh. "But over time, I kind of got the hang of it." My voice drifted off in the quiet stillness, the only sound my slow breaths and the soft plop of the snowflakes as they hit the ground.

"Are you all right?" Edward's arms wrapped around me from behind as he pulled me back against his chest.

I reached up to hold his forearm and leaned my head on his shoulder. "Yes. I just…miss her."

"I know," he whispered, kissing my temple. "Are you ready to go?"

I nodded, sparing one last look at Maggie's headstone and a whispered goodbye before we turned to leave the cemetery.

x-x

I had to admit my trip down memory lane was a little depressing. It was a bit jarring to witness Chicago's transformation from a charming early twentieth century city to a bustling modern metropolis. It was loud, busy…and my enhanced senses only made it seem even more so. Cook County Hospital had moved to a new building and had a new name. The stone structure I remembered still stood, the contrasting gray and terra cotta stone and sharp corners softened and muted by time. Although it had been shut down, I was pleased to learn it was undergoing renovations and would be used for medical offices. I smiled when I saw the alley next to the old building, remembering the many stolen kisses Edward and I had shared pressed up against the cold stone wall.

The skating rink where Edward and I had our first date was now an empty lot. The Orpheum Theater was gone, replaced by a fast food restaurant. The church where the Chicago Women's Association had met was still there, but its façade was worn, the stained glass windows cracked and the beautiful wooden doors replaced by industrial steel.

Lincoln Park looked remarkably the same, although the touch of winter had stripped the leaves from the trees and covered the grass with an icy coating. The snow had stopped, and the gray water of the lake rippled in the brisk breeze, slapping against the beach periodically. We strolled through the park, and I squeaked in surprised when the Couch Tomb came into view, darting over to circle the low stone building with a smile on my face.

Edward watched me with amusement. "Am I missing something?" he asked.

I laughed, beginning to tell him about the time shortly before our wedding when we'd been caught making out behind the tomb by the police. Edward grinned and grabbed my hands, saying simply, "Show me."

I smiled, closing my eyes and pulling my shield back as I had practiced with Carlisle. We'd gone through this process countless times since I'd learned that it was possible to control my gift. Edward always preferred to share Alice's and Carlisle's memories, saying he liked seeing me in them, since all of my memories were always focused on him.

Still, there were times like this…times when it had just been Edward and me…when I was the only one who could show him what had happened. I loved being able to give him this – his only taste of our old life together. So as I concentrated on keeping my shield down, I ran through my memories of that day in the park, trying to recall every detail…every kiss…every laugh. When I opened my eyes, it was to find Edward watching me with a gleeful smile on his face, and a mischievous sparkle in his eye. He swept me up in his arms, kissing me softly.

"I never knew you were such an exhibitionist," he said, his lips brushing mine as he spoke. "That's definitely something I'll have to keep in mind."

It was moments like that I was grateful I no longer had to worry about blushing.

We made our way from the park to Edward's old house, and I was surprised that his street looked relatively unchanged. The homes had aged, but were well-maintained. Satellite dishes and shiny new cars testified to the passing of the decades, but effort had been made to retain the neighborhood's historic atmosphere.

"This is it," Edward said quietly as we stood across the street. The house had been painted a pale blue with white trim, the iron railing around the front porch now matching the trim and draped with evergreen garland accented with big white bows. The low fence around the front yard was gone, the brick walkway replaced by flagstone. A Christmas wreath hung on the red front door, which was also flanked by two narrow trees sprouting from golden urns and decorated with white lights.

"It hasn't changed much," I replied.

Edward chuckled lightly. "That's right. I forget sometimes that you've been here."

I smiled to myself, listening for any sounds of movement in the house. "I don't hear anyone. Do you?"

Edward was quiet, and I knew he was listening with his mind instead of his ears. "No. Fancy a little breaking and entering?"

I laughed. "You're a bad influence on me."

He took my hand, pulling me across the street. "I warned you about that a long time ago. You should have stayed away when you had the chance," he said with a wicked grin.

It took only a moment for Edward to pick the lock of a side door. We moved quietly through the silent rooms, taking in the changes and smiling at the things that hadn't.

"The sofa used to sit there," Edward said, pointing to a spot in the living room. "And my mother's chair was there. She loved that chair. She had to put a slipcover on it when the cat shredded the fabric."

"Mr. Jiggles?" I asked, remembering him and his mother laughing about the cat as she lay in her hospital bed.

Edward looked at me in surprise. "How did you know that?"

I just shrugged as a wave of sadness swept through me at the memory.

We made our way upstairs, looking into Edward's old room, which was now a home office. Edward seemed a little sad, so on impulse I dropped my shield to share a memory of him stealing a kiss from me in the bathroom while his mother was downstairs leading a planning meeting for the charity ball. Edward growled, and before I knew it, he had me pressed against the wall, his mouth insistent on mine. His lips trailed down my neck, nibbling at my collar bone and I gasped at the sensation.

"You need to warn me before you do that," he said gruffly, his hand sliding up to cup my breast through my shirt as his tongue flicked at my earlobe.

"Oh, where's the fun in that?" I asked breathlessly, arching into his touch.

Being with Edward had been amazing when we were both humans. When I first returned from 1918, it was intense but restrained, since he still had to be careful not to hurt me. But now…now that I'd been changed? I couldn't find the words to describe it. The constant craving we had for each other…the uninhibited passion that Edward now let loose…it brought our relationship to a new level that still shocked and amazed me. I once asked Edward how long we'd be ruled by this consuming arousal and lust.

He said it could last "a while."

Yeah. A while.

I thought it might kill me…well, if I wasn't already dead…sort of.

Not that I was complaining. Edward's insatiability was matched by my own, and now that we were on equal footing physically I was – to put it mildly – incredibly satisfied.

Yet always wanting more.

"We should go," I murmured as Edward pulled my shirt open, sliding my bra cup down so he could tease my nipple with his tongue and lips.

"Mmm hmmm," Edward mumbled, sucking me deep into his mouth, eliciting a shameless groan. My hands drifted around to grasp at his ass, squeezing harshly as I pulled him against me. He released my breast, grinding his hips against mine as our rapid breaths filled the air.

"It's almost five o'clock,' I reminded him, my body belying my words as I continued to cling to him. "They'll be home soon…we don't want to be… _Oh_ …" He licked at my ear, sucking the lobe into his mouth as his fingers trailed to my ass. "We don't want to be caught having sex on their hallway floor," I managed to squeak out.

Edward bit at my shoulder lightly before sighing and pulling the front of my shirt back together. "You're right," he said with a disappointed frown. His eyes flashed up to mine. "Rain check?"

I grinned. "Absolutely."

He took my hand and we made our way to the sun room at the back of the house. My heart sank a little when I noticed the pair of wicker chairs that now sat in the spot once occupied by Edward's piano. The French doors had been replaced by a larger set, and we walked soundlessly out into the back yard.

The maple trees were bigger, the fruit trees were gone, and a hot tub sat on a raised deck in the far corner of the yard where the bandstand had been during our wedding. A swing set took up the other corner, and various toys peeked out from under the patches of snow and ice on the lawn.

"The archway was there," I told Edward quietly, pointing to the spot where we'd stood to exchange our vows. "Your mom and Samantha went all out decorating for the wedding with roses and tulips and tulle. There were all of these orange blossoms and when the wind kicked up they'd flutter all around us."

Edward smiled softly and walked to the back of the yard, pulling me along with him. He paused just short of the back fence and turned to me, taking both of my hands in his.

"Here?" he asked. "This was where we stood?"

I nodded, knowing what was coming next.

"Show me?" He reached out to touch my cheek. He already held Carlisle's memories of our wedding, but he loved to see it in my mind as well. He said it was like listening to music in stereo…the closest he could get to having his own memory of the event.

I closed my eyes and focused on dropping my shield again. It was getting easier each time I did it. My heart filled with warmth as I mentally ran through the details of the day – the flowers…the vows…the joy…the scent of orange blossoms and Edward…the faces of friends and those I came to think of as family.

"It was perfect," Edward finally murmured as my memories dwindled and my shield pushed back into place.

"Yes, it was," I agreed, popping up on my toes to kiss him lovingly. His arms circled my waist as he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss before he pulled back, stroking my hair softly.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"For what?"

"For marrying me…then…and now…"

I grinned. "Well, don't get used to it. I only plan on one more wedding in my life."

Edward smirked in return. "Agreed. Just one."

The sound of a slamming door drew our attention and we realized someone had come into the house. Edward led me around the side yard, listening intently to whoever was moving around inside. I stubbed my toe on something, causing a clattering against the flagstone pathway. Edward reached down and picked up the shovel that I had inadvertently kicked. I grimaced at him and we both froze, listening for any sound that indicated my stumble had been heard. When everything remained calm, Edward propped the shovel against the side of the house and we made our way out of the yard and down the street without drawing any attention to ourselves.

The light grayed as the sun sank below the horizon, out of sight behind the cloud cover. We still didn't risk running through the city and instead hopped the "L" on our way to Maggie's boarding house.

I didn't know how I would feel if the house was gone, or – even worse – had been left to decay. I dreaded finding Maggie's house in disrepair, riddled with peeling paint, cracked windows, overgrown flower beds, or a car on blocks in the front yard.

God. Maggie would have rolled over in her grave.

My nervousness evaporated as the house finally came into view…and it looked exactly the same. The three-story brownstone had either been lovingly maintained, or painstakingly restored. It was decorated for Christmas, with twinkling lights and garland draped over the stair rails and a large wreath on the front door. The walls were the same rich color I remembered, the porch neatly swept, the flower beds trimmed back for the winter.

I became aware of Edward watching me closely in the dimming light. I started to turn to him, when a movement caught my eye. A woman walked out the front door and the sight of her sent a shock through my system.

Before I even realized what I was doing, I was across the street, standing at the foot of the stairs. The woman looked up, her hand flying to her throat in surprise.

"Maggie?" I gasped, unable to rationalize how the woman I knew ninety years earlier could be standing before me now.

She smiled, taking a step toward me. "It's you," she said, her voice tinged with awe. "I wondered if you were real."

I climbed the porch steps slowly, vaguely aware of Edward standing on the sidewalk behind me. "I don't understand…" I said in confusion. "How can it be?" I stopped abruptly and I got a better look at the woman in front of me. The resemblance to Maggie was uncanny, but at second glance I saw her nose was slightly longer, her lips a touch fuller.

"I'm Mary," she said finally, with a gentle smile. "Maggie Oleson was my great-grandmother. I know there's a bit of a family resemblance," she added wryly.

"You look just like her," I replied, still a little unsettled by the encounter.

She took another step toward me. "I know it's impossible, but…you're Bella, aren't you?"

My mouth dropped open in amazement. "How do you know me?"

Her eyes flashed over my shoulder. "God. That's him…Edward." She looked back at me in amazement. "It's really you, isn't it? I can't believe it. We've waited so long."

I shook my head slightly to clear it. "I don't understand. You've waited…for me?"

Mary smiled. "It's kind of a long story. Maybe you'd both like to come inside?"

I turned toward Edward, shrugging in response to his questioning glance. He moved to my side. "Are you all right?" he asked, quietly enough so Mary couldn't hear him. I knew that above and beyond Mary's strange comments, he was worried about whether being in an enclosed space with a human would be too much temptation. I just nodded at him reassuringly before turning to follow Mary into the house.

She led us into the living room, motioning toward a brown leather sofa. "Please, have a seat. Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea?"

I thanked her, but refused. "How do you know me?" I asked, curiosity winning out over politeness.

Mary sighed heavily. "Let me get my mother. She can explain it better than me, I think," she said. She turned to head up the stairs, saying she'd be right back. As soon as she was out of sight, I turned to Edward.

"This is really weird," I said quietly.

Edward chuckled. "Well, weird is kind of relative in our situation, wouldn't you say?"

"Good point." I looked up as Mary came down the stairs with an older woman who I assumed was her mother. She, too, looked like Maggie, only with a few more wrinkles at the edges of her eyes and mouth. A huge smile split her face when she saw us sitting on the couch and she rushed over excitedly, grasping my hands and staring at me intently. She jumped slightly at the feel of my icy skin, but said nothing about it, instead turning back to Mary.

"I can't believe it," she breathed. Mary just grinned in response, walking over to take a seat on a rust-colored chair to the right of the sofa. Her mother blinked at me for a moment before releasing my hands and moving to a matching chair on the other side.

"I know this must seem strange to you," she said finally.

"That's putting it mildly," I replied with a grin.

She laughed, her eyes twinkling so much like Maggie's used to. "Perhaps I should start at the beginning," she said. "I'm Mary's mother. My name is Miriam Graham. Maggie was my grandmother."

"I'm Bella," I replied, taking Edward's hand. "This is Edward. But I understand you already know that."

Miriam nodded. "You do look a little different from your picture," she said, turning to her daughter. "Mary, get the box."

Mary got up and walked to a chest of drawers near the kitchen doorway. She pulled open a drawer, retrieving a wooden box, a little bigger than a shoe box.

Miriam continued, "My gran had one daughter in 1921 – my mother, Mary. I named my own daughter after her." She smiled at Mary as she handed her the box. "Gran passed before my Mary was born. Mom died about ten years ago.

"Gran used to say she had a bit of the sight," Miriam explained. She swept her hand absently across the gleaming lid of the box as she spoke. "She told us – my mother, and then me – that one day you'd come here and we should give you this.

"There were many times over the years that we doubted what Gran told us, but none of us could bear to get rid of the box. We've all looked through it over the years – Mary more than any of us," she added with a smile at her daughter.

"I just loved the story," Mary interjected, a dreamy look on her face. "How you came here to find Edward…to save his life. Then, when he died, you just vanished into thin air. Gran always said she knew you two were together somewhere, though." She looked at Edward, then back at me. "She insisted that you'd found a way, although none of us knew how. It was all so romantic and mysterious."

"And now, ninety years later, here you are," Miriam added. "I hope you don't mind my asking, but…how?"

I hesitated, unsure how to answer. I felt Edward take my hand before he answered quietly, "To be completely honest, we're not exactly sure how."

Between the two of us, we told them an abbreviated version of my story, explaining how I'd come through time to find Edward only to be reunited with him in the present. How he had no memory of our time together in the past, but how, despite that, it had brought us back together. We left out the part about the existence of vampires, for obvious reasons.

Mary studied Edward intently. "So you were actually born in 1901?" she asked.

Edward nodded.

"But you don't look a hundred and nine years old," she pointed out.

Edward shrugged. "I can't really explain that part. Suffice it to say I waited a long time to be reunited with Bella."

Both Miriam and her daughter were silent for a long moment, looking back and forth between Edward and me as if trying to solve a puzzle. Unfortunately, for their own safety, it wasn't one we could help them solve.

Finally, Miriam spoke up quietly. "Gran used to say, 'No matter what stands between them, two hearts once joined will find their way back together eventually. Time and distance are no match for love.' I used to think she was talking about her and Gramps. Now I think she was talking about you."

Edward lifted my hand to his lips, kissing it softly. Both Miriam and Mary followed the movement with small smiles on their faces.

Miriam stood and approached me, holding out the wooden box. "This belongs to you," she said. "I know Gran would be thrilled to know you finally got it back." I took the box from her, trailing my fingers over the warm inlaid wood. Unable to control my curiosity, I flipped open the top of the box, gasping when I saw its contents.

Maggie had kept my things. My mementos of my time in 1918…my time with Edward.

On top was the framed photograph of Edward and me at our wedding that I'd kept on my dresser. I couldn't hold back my smile at the look on his face, so joyful and eager, just as I remembered. I handed it to Edward and he studied it for a moment.

"This is how you knew us," he said to Miriam, and she nodded.

I smiled, feeling a heaviness in my chest as I pulled out one treasure after another – the silk purse I'd bought when I first came to Chicago, still with a handful of coins inside…the lace handkerchief Edward's mother had loaned me for the "something borrowed" at my wedding. She'd died before I could return it. The pearl necklace Edward gave me on our wedding day. The silver hair combs Samantha had given me…the blue garters I'd worn under my wedding dress. I smiled as I handed them to Edward, realizing this was truly the first time he'd actually seen them.

I told the story behind each item as I revealed it, a little embarrassed at sharing some of the more private ones with Miriam and Mary, but so grateful that they'd kept my belongings I couldn't keep the information from them.

"We kept your car for years," Miriam told Edward at one point. "Gran really fought us when Dad wanted to sell it, but she finally gave in. I've kept track of it, though. A collector in Michigan bought it in 1962. He donated it to a museum in Detroit when he passed away, if you'd like to see it sometime."

Edward nodded, thanking her for the information as he looked through the little pile of remembrances in front of him. I turned back to the box.

There was only one item left – a silver disk gleaming dully on the red velvet lining…a chain curled lazily around it. Unsheddable tears gathered in my throat as I lifted it reverently.

"This is yours," I said to Edward softly as I handed him his pocket watch. His eyes flashed to mine briefly before returning to the watch. He took it from me tentatively, smiling as he flipped open the lid.

"I gave that to you for your birthday," I told him. I was aware of Miriam and Mary leaving the room quietly, as if realizing we needed a moment alone. It appeared at least a portion of Maggie's vision had been passed on to her descendants.

Edward read the inscription under his breath. "To Edward…with all my love, Bella. Beyond Time." He smiled at me. "That seems appropriate."

I laughed lightly, laying my head on his shoulder as I watched his fingers brush over the watch. "Yes. Even more than I thought when I gave it to you the first time."

"It's a poem, isn't it?" Edward asked, beginning to quote quietly.

" _Swept up on love's wing...  
Above the trees, conquering fate, beyond time  
Soaring, spinning, dipping low to rise again, _

_Fingertips brushing the stars  
Trembling, electrified, breathing in passion, exhaling lust  
Clinging desperately...  
Lest I come crashing back to earth, broken and bleeding  
Forever lost."_

"How did you know that?" I turned to him in surprise.

Edward pressed a kiss to my forehead as he clicked the watch closed. "I'm not exactly sure," he replied, looking off into the distance as he searched his memories. "I heard it somewhere along the way and I guess it just stuck with me."

I smiled, wondering if it was possible that Edward had held on to that one memory…my words to him from so long ago. I couldn't be sure, of course, that he actually remembered it. It was possible that he'd found the poem in a book sometime over the years. Still, with his inerrant vampire memory, he'd know where he heard it if that was the case. I liked the idea that Edward still had something of our life together…a memory that clung to him even though the fever claimed the rest.

"We should go," Edward murmured, pocketing the watch and placing the rest of the items back into the box. "You need to hunt, and I think it's time for us to head home."

I nodded, kissing him softly and handing him the box before we stood and walked toward the kitchen doorway in search of our hosts. They were sitting together at the kitchen table, and once again I was struck by the resemblance to my old friend.

"We need to be going," I told them as they stood to join us in the doorway. "I can't thank you enough for taking care of my things and returning them to me."

To my surprise, tears sprang to Miriam's eyes and she pulled me in a tight hug. I held my breath, startled by her sudden proximity and the wash of venom that filled my mouth. I felt Edward squeeze my hand and I squeezed back to let him know that I was all right. Patting Miriam's back gently with my other hand, I noticed Mary wiping away tears as well.

"Thank you," Miriam said heatedly. "You don't know what this means to us. After all these years, to know it was all real…it was true."

She pulled back, her hands still on my upper arms. "I wish Gran could have been here…she used to say you were like a daughter to her. I know she hoped to see you again, but she never doubted that you were where you were meant to be…with Edward."

I smiled as a surge of emotion swept through me. We said our goodbyes to Miriam and Mary, promising we'd come back to visit before we left.

Darkness had fully descended while we'd been inside, so Edward and I ran across the border, through Wisconsin and into Minnesota stopping briefly in search of our little cottage in Altoona, only to find it had been torn down, the entire block converted into a strip mall. We crossed Minnesota and stopped to hunt at Eagle Mountain in the northeast corner of the state. I was getting better at it – well, less messy at least. I was now usually able to hunt without ruining my clothes. It took less than half an hour for Edward to bring down a large moose, which he shared with me, then we descended on a small herd of deer. We were both very careful to avoid human contact while I was given over to my instincts. I hadn't had any mishaps, but didn't want to risk the possibility of one.

I drained my deer and Edward dragged the carcass under a large pile of brush before turning to me with a familiar look in his eye. I had found that the intensity of hunting…the bloodlust…was intricately entwined with our lust for each other. It was rare for us to return from a hunting trip without finding our release against a tree or a boulder, quick and fast…hard and desperate…often more than once before we were sated and were able to return home under some semblance of control.

I watched Edward darkly, my chest heaving as I swiped the remaining blood from my lips with the back of my hand. His eyes registered the movement, and he reached out in a flash, grabbing my wrist and pulling it to his mouth. His tongue darted out, licking the blood from my hand slowly as his eyes held mine captive. He yanked me against his chest and I reveled in the feeling of him taking me with no restraint…giving in completely to his wanting.

We didn't speak, lost in the animal side of our existence. Without warning, his lips took mine and his tongue plunged into my mouth, the taste of blood and Edward mingling in a heady combination. Growls and grunting filled the air, accented only by harsh breaths and the rustling of the leaves and crunching of ice under our feet. Edward pulled back, taking a deep breath to steady himself before reaching for my shirt and carefully unbuttoning it. There had been several times we'd given in to the passion and ended up running home with missing buttons and broken zippers. Not that either of us minded, but when Alice or, God forbid, Emmett, saw us coming home in that condition, we never heard the end of it.

Once we'd been relieved of our clothes, we came together again – skin against skin…mouth against mouth…tongue entwined with tongue in blessed relief. I was vaguely aware of snowflakes beginning to drift down around us as Edward grasped my ass, pulling me against him as I wrapped my legs around his waist. His erection slid between my legs – so near yet so far from where I wanted it – and I writhed against him, my body begging for his.

I dragged my nails across his shoulders, my teeth sinking lightly into his neck in silent demand. With a feral growl, Edward spun me around, slamming me back against a large pine tree that cracked at the impact. I gasped as he entered me in one powerful stroke, the familiar feeling of completion…of _rightness_ sweeping through my body.

I clung to him, his name escaping my lips on a loud groan as my head fell back against the tree. Edward lowered his head to my neck, licking and nipping at my skin in rhythm with his increasingly demanding thrusts. I arched to meet him, wanting him deeper…harder…more…always more.

There was no buildup. No slow climb to an aching peak. No sweet tension in my muscles leading to a blissful release. Instead, my climax slammed into me unexpectedly, wave after wave of shocking pleasure shooting from my center as I screamed into the snowy wilderness. A moment later, Edward arched back, pressing further into me as I felt his release pulsing deep within me. The sensation sent yet another shuddering orgasm rippling through my body. I clutched at his shoulders, grinding our hips together as the pleasure spiked sharply before drifting away into blissful satiation.

Edward turned and sank to the snowy ground, leaning back against the tree and drawing me gently against his chest. I sighed contentedly at the feel of his skin against my cheek, smiling at the snow piling up around and on top of us, our skin not warm enough to cause it to melt. He didn't pull out of me, apparently as unwilling as I was for the moment to come to an end as we sat wrapped around each other in the silent forest.

"We're going to be covered before long," I mumbled, shaking my head to dislodge the flakes clinging to my hair.

"I don't care." Edward's low voice rumbled in his chest as he held me tightly to him. His lips pressed to the top of my head as he shifted his hips slightly. I could feel him hardening again already, and I knew it would be a matter of moments before Round Two.

The thought had me smiling. I gazed at my engagement ring, absently rotating it around my finger as I pondered our future.

Later – and if Edward were any indication, it would be _much_ later – we'd return to the family in Alaska. Perhaps we'd go through Canada this time. Edward had told me about a mountain peak that had become a favorite spot of his, and he wanted to show it to me.

Charlie would join us for Christmas. It would mark the first time I'd actually seen him in person since my transformation. I'd talked to him on the phone and even got him and Renee both Web cams so we could Skype, but I was looking forward to finally seeing him. We'd spent Thanksgiving with Renee in Jacksonville and all had gone smoothly. She'd been surprised by the changes in my appearance, of course, but I reassured her that I was fine and happy and in love, and she quickly adapted. I felt confident my time with Charlie would be just as positive.

My parents loved me, and I knew they'd support me in anything. I was determined we would get through this. After everything I'd been through, one thing I'd learned was to appreciate the people around me while I had them…because I knew the time would be short.

I didn't want to waste a second.

In time, Edward and I would go to college. He was adamant about Dartmouth. Charlie thought we were already there, and Edward often used that to his advantage, saying it would be less of a lie if I ended up attending the Ivy league school eventually.

I, however, was keeping my options open.

Our wedding would be small and intimate – and I had to admit I was looking forward to the event and sharing it with my family and friends. Edward was surprisingly patient with me, since – technically – we were already married anyway.

We were still talking about where it would happen. If the Quileutes lightened up enough to allow us to come back to Forks, maybe we'd get married in the Cullens' house or the back yard. If not, we'd talked about Chicago, or maybe Alaska. Perhaps in the spring or the summer of the following year…maybe the fall.

My smile widened as Edward stirred beneath me, his hand drifting to my breast and squeezing gently.

There was no rush.

After all, we had all the time in the world.

_**The End** _


	38. Epilogue, Part II - Of Marriage and Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was originally written for FGB: Autism Speaks. It's a very worthy cause, and I feel privileged to be able to contribute in some small way. Thank you to all who donated!
> 
> This is a second Epilogue to Beyond Time – a little peek into the future. The conversations between Edward and Carlisle come from Midnight Sun…the rest is based on Twilight, New Moon, and of course, Beyond Time.
> 
> Thanks to my beta tiffanyanne3 for her work on this…she's the best!

  


_Banner by EvieEden_

" _ **Destiny itself is like a wonderful wide tapestry in which every thread is guided by an unspeakably tender hand, placed beside another thread and held and carried by a hundred others."**_

 _**-** _ _**Rainer Maria Rilke** _

**Epilogue, Part II –** **Of Marriage and Memories**

**~Carlisle~**

"Not to brag, but I really believe I've outdone myself," Alice said proudly, taking in the wedding decorations with a satisfied smile. I followed her gaze and had to admit I agreed. Between Alice, Rosalie, Renee, and Esme, the back yard of what used to be Maggie's boarding house had been transformed into a fantasy wonderland of billowing silk, twinkling lights, and countless flowers fluttering in the light breeze.

"It's beautiful," I told her with an admiring nod. "Bella will be thrilled."

Alice wrinkled her nose. "I doubt that," she said. "If it was up to her, she'd be getting married down at the courthouse in an off-the-rack dress and sensible shoes." She shuddered at the thought. "I just couldn't let that happen, Carlisle."

I laughed. "It would be a tragedy."

Alice just shrugged. "She'll thank me someday." She darted away to straighten some flowers that didn't need straightening, and I shook my head with a smile.

"I'm sure she will," I said to myself, adjusting my tie and eyeing a ray of sunlight spearing down through a break in the canopy. Alice had planned well, I had to admit. Rolls of silk draped overhead, blocking the sunshine effectively. Between the canopy and the trees along the edge of the yard, it was easy to stay in the shade, despite the bright summer day. I took a deep breath; the scent of orange blossoms bringing back the memory of Bella's last wedding…the one where I had been the one to give her away. Unconsciously, my eyes strayed up to the window of her old room, where I knew she was getting ready for her second – and final – walk down the aisle.

"Nervous?" Esme's soft voice interrupted my musings as she slipped her hand into the crook of my elbow. I covered it with my own, looking into her soft eyes.

"No. Not really," I replied. "Just caught up in the memories, I suppose."

She leaned her head on my arm affectionately, her eyes straying to the other side of the yard, where Edward stood laughing with his brothers. "He's so happy," she murmured. "I sometimes wondered if we'd ever see him like this."

I leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "It was a long road," I agreed, "but it was definitely worth it."

Esme stood with me quietly as I scanned the small crowd gathered for Edward and Bella's wedding. Our family was all present, of course, as well as the Denali coven, and Peter and Charlotte, who had come to know Bella during a visit the previous winter and became fast friends. Bella's parents were both in attendance, as well as her stepfather. Angela Weber and her fiancé Ben Cheney were the only two of Bella's human friends from Forks who'd been able to make the trip to Chicago. Rounding out the little group were Miriam and Mary – Maggie Oleson's descendants – who had both been thrilled when Edward and Bella had asked if they could hold the wedding at their home.

In a dim corner, Billy and Jacob Black chatted with Charlie, their relaxed smiles belied by Jacob's alert eyes. He kept his back to the wall, his instinctual wariness of being outnumbered by vampires obviously putting him on edge. I respected him greatly for standing up to the pack to come to the wedding at all. I knew the opposition had been great, and his attendance came at no little sacrifice.

Perhaps, in time, the fences would mend. Until then, we would respect the pack's mandate and stay away from their lands. I knew it was difficult for Bella, but we all held out hope that someday we would once again be able to coexist in peace.

Peace.

If there was a word that summed up my life lately, that was it. To see the ones I loved _being_ loved…happy and fulfilled…complete. It gave me a sense of satisfaction and untold pleasure that was difficult to verbalize.

Once again my gaze lifted to the window of the girl that had made it possible.

"You should go to her," Esme said encouragingly.

I shrugged, tearing my eyes from the window. "Her father is here this time. She doesn't need me."

Esme smiled softly, lifting up on her toes to kiss me lightly. "She needs you. Trust me." She patted my arm and walked away to join Alice and Renee, who were apparently giving last-minute instructions to the musicians.

I hesitated, my fingers tapping nervously on my legs as I debated Esme's words. Finally, I turned and walked slowly into the house and up the stairs. A slight breeze moved in the quiet hallway, and I could make out the tinkling of bells that Alice had strung up in the trees outside. I approached Bella's door, knocking lightly.

"Come in."

I opened the door to find Rosalie adjusting Bella's veil, a frown of concentration on her face.

"I hope I'm not interrupting."

Bella's smile lit up her face. "Of course not. How's everything going outside?" She flipped the veil back over her head so she could see me clearly, and Rose sighed in exasperation.

Bella grimaced apologetically. "Sorry."

Rose just shrugged. "It's okay. I told Alice a veil wasn't a good idea, but she insisted."

"I just don't like not being able to see clearly. I'm afraid I'll fall down the stairs or something."

"Well, go ahead and leave it back," she replied, "but don't blame me if Alice jumps out into the middle of the aisle to fix it."

Bella giggled. "I wouldn't put it past her."

I debated turning and walking back out, feeling like an outsider in a world of femininity. Rose seemed to sense my discomfort, however, and cast me a sympathetic glance before turning back to Bella.

"I'm going to go check on the food," she said, wrinkling her nose in distaste as she checked her watch. "I'll send your parents up when I see them. It's almost time to get this show on the road."

"Thanks, Rose," Bella said, pulling her new sister into a tight hug. Over the past months, Rosalie seemed to have overcome her resentment about Bella's choice to become one of us. At heart a romantic, Rosalie had come to terms with the fact that Edward and Bella were meant for each other.

Or perhaps she'd just accepted that some things could not be undone.

Regardless, the two had become closer, often bonding over a shared defiance of Alice's enthusiastic plans. I couldn't feel too sorry for Alice, however. Even the combined force of Bella and Rosalie were no match for Alice's determination, and more often than not, she got her way, regardless of their opposition.

Rose smiled at me as she left the room, and I nodded at her before approaching Bella to stand next to the mirror, facing her. A memory flashed before my eyes – Bella, standing in front of a different mirror in a different room, wearing a different dress. Her skin was now pale marble instead of flushed with warmth…her eyes golden instead of chocolate…yet the glow in them was the same. The nervous smile on her lips, the fluttering of her hands as she plucked at her gown…the joy and excitement that all but emanated from her – that hadn't changed.

"You look lovely," I told her honestly.

Bella smiled in embarrassment, and I knew if she'd still been human, a blush would have stained her cheeks.

"Thank you," she said. "I know it's stupid, but I have to admit I'm a little nervous."

"Second thoughts?" I smirked teasingly, remembering a similar conversation we'd had nearly a century before.

Bella remembered too. She grinned. "No…no second thoughts."

"Well, good…because I'd help you escape, but I have a feeling that young man of yours would hunt me down if you disappeared."

Her smile widened and she laughed at our shared memory. "He'd have to catch you first."

I grimaced theatrically. "Yes, and now he could. Probably better rethink that strategy."

Bella giggled. "Probably."

"I have no doubt he would, you know," I added quietly. "He would never let anything come between you again."

Bella smiled, and I walked to the window, looking down at the activity below. Much of it was blocked by the canopy, but now and then a familiar face would appear, busily rushing to set up for the big event.

"Is it strange, doing this again?" I asked, not turning away from the window.

Bella considered that for a moment. "A little," she replied. "But, believe it or not, I'm also a little excited."

I glanced at her in surprise. Bella was never one to enjoy being the center of attention.

"Don't tell Alice," she warned with mock severity.

I grinned. "Wouldn't dream of it."

"It's just…" She turned back to the mirror, lost in thought. "The first time it was hard not to have my parents there," she admitted. "Harder than I let anyone know. This time the memory is one Edward and I can share. A new start, in a way."

I nodded in understanding. Bella had told me that one of her biggest fears after her transformation was forgetting her human life with Edward. Interestingly enough, it was Rosalie who helped her with that. She encouraged Bella to focus on reliving those events regularly to instill them in her vampire memory, instead of allowing them to fade in her weaker human one.

But this day? I knew from personal experience that it would stand out in full color, bright and vivid for the rest of her existence. It was a day they would both hold on to for eternity – or however long we were allowed to walk this earth.

Bella joined me at the window, her arm brushing mine as she looked down at the yard. Under the edge of the tent, Edward stood, talking with Jasper. Whether he heard my thoughts or simply sensed Bella's presence, I didn't know, but he stiffened slightly and looked up toward the window. His eyes locked with hers, the silent communication between them thick in the air. I felt like an intruder witnessing such a private moment.

Then, Edward turned to me, obviously sensing my uncomfortable thoughts. Before looking away, he smiled and nodded in acknowledgement of my need to see her…of hers to see me. It was time to finally close the circle whose first arc was drawn when Bella Swan came to Forks one rainy day and set into motion a bizarre chain of events that led to this moment.

Because Bella was wrong all those years ago when she told me that I didn't love her.

I did. I loved her then, and I never stopped.

Of course, that love had changed when I found Esme. My eyes sought her out automatically…drawn to her as they always were. My wife sat chatting with Renee, her beautiful face glowing and gentle.

Esme was my mate…my destiny…my life. Bella had been right about that.

Still, despite my devotion to Esme, I _did_ love Bella, and a small part of me – a very small part – mourned the loss of her. She was Edward's. I knew that. She always had been.

But today she became _completely_ his – body and soul…past, present and future…a public testimony of their undying commitment to each other.

Of her choice.

It wasn't that I resented that choice, not even that I was jealous of Edward. It was more melancholy than regret that touched at the edges of my heart. A final recognition that I would never be the one closest to her…that she no longer _needed_ me.

Pride? Perhaps. I preferred to think it a more noble emotion. To put it simply, I would miss her.

She was, after all, my first true friend – at least the first one I could really remember in my centuries as a vampire. She reawakened a part of me I'd thought long dead.

She gave me hope. She led me to love. She gave me a future.

"It's been a long road," Bella murmured beside me, and I wondered if her thoughts mirrored mine.

"That's an understatement," I replied with a grin. "I don't know if there is a metaphor sufficient to describe what you and Edward have endured to be together."

"And you," she protested quietly, touching my arm briefly. "You went through it too, Carlisle. "And I know it was difficult – impossible even.

"So many times I was torn," she continued, "wondering if I'd told you too much or not enough. I know it was a burden, Carlisle. Especially to keep it all from Edward."

As his name echoed in my thoughts, Edward looked up again briefly.

"Yes," I replied with a short laugh. "That did prove challenging at times."

Since Bella's return from 1918, we'd spoken often about our shared past…and the months I'd had to hide my knowledge of Bella's future after she first arrived in Forks. It was only during that time that I'd come to truly understand Bella's turmoil over manipulating the future – and the true weight of the burden.

"Did you ever doubt?" she asked. "Did you ever wonder if Edward and I would really find our way?"

I considered her question, knowing she wasn't looking for a quick denial.

She was right. It was difficult. To watch two people I loved suffer pained me greatly.

But did I ever doubt? I remembered the afternoon Edward sought me out, crazed and tortured by guilt and fear.

The day all of this was set into motion.

~0~

"I have to go, Carlisle. I have to go _now_."

I fought to control my thoughts. Fortunately, Edward's wild frame of mind helped hide my reaction.

"What's happened?" I asked.

"Nothing. Yet. But it will, if I stay."

Alice had told us all about Bella's impending arrival, and her feeling that the girl would be important. Of course, I was the only one who knew exactly how important. Esme knew bits and pieces. I couldn't keep it all from her, but she understood I'd withheld some of the details. She'd actually asked for limited knowledge, not being as apt at hiding her thoughts from Edward as I was. She didn't even know Bella by name, so she couldn't inadvertently think it. It was only after we left Forks that I told her everything. Edward was gone, so there was no harm in her knowing.

But as he paced in my office, tugging at his hair in desperation, I wondered why he was so… _frantic_.

"I don't understand." I reached for him, but he jerked away.

"Have you ever…has there ever been a time…" He took a deep breath, trying to focus his thoughts. "Has any one person smelled better to you than the rest of them? _Much_ better?"

It took a moment for me to comprehend what he was saying, but suddenly, it clicked into place. This was all more complicated and dangerous than I ever anticipated. Edward wasn't only destined to love Bella.

He was fated to crave her blood above no other. She was his _singer_.

I couldn't, however, contemplate the implications of that discovery at that moment. Not with Edward so close. I couldn't risk him hearing my thoughts.

"Oh," I said quietly, filling my mind with compassion and empathy. I reached out to touch his shoulder encouragingly. "Do what you must to resist, my son. I will miss you."

I reached into my pocket and offered him my keys. "Here, take my car. It's faster."

He'd grabbed the keys, murmuring his thanks and all but running out of the hospital. Stunned, I sat down behind my desk, finally able to absorb what I'd learned.

Bella was Edward's singer. Being near him put her very life in danger – more so than any other human.

And now, Edward was gone.

He'd be back. I understood that. I knew that he'd left Bella at some point, and that led to her trip to the past. But he had just met her – there was no connection there – no love yet. Just the hysteria of a vampire who'd met his singer…and was clinging to his last threads of resistance. Which meant he'd have to come back. They would have to fall in love. Then, he would leave her again.

But why?

How?

I didn't have the answers, and I knew all I could do was watch events unfold…and try to stay out of the way.

He did return, of course. A week later he went back to school and I watched him carefully for any signs that he was losing control. Alice kept tabs on him during school, as did Jasper, and the day went by without incident.

That night, we went hunting together. It was the first time I had a chance to talk to him alone since he'd left for Denali. Schooling my thoughts, I carefully prodded him for information, asking why he'd come back.

"I didn't like feeling a coward," he admitted.

"Better than to put her in danger," I replied. Watching his reaction carefully, I added, "She'll be gone in a year or two."

"You're right. I know that." He stopped running as I did, and I examined his expression carefully. Yes. There was more there than he suspected.

Not just vampire and singer. It had only been a few days, but it was already more.

I forced a thought into my head. _But you're not going to run, are you?_ When he only hung his head in response, I added. _Is it pride, Edward? There's no shame in—_

"No. It isn't pride that keeps me here. Not now."

I refused to mentally acknowledge the weight of that statement.

 _Nowhere to go?_ I thought instead.

"No," he laughed. "That wouldn't stop me, if I could make myself leave."

Already, he was attached to her. He didn't even realize it yet, but the bond was already forming. I told him we'd all go with him, if that was what he needed. I had to admit, I was taking a bit of selfish satisfaction in Edward's turmoil. I poked at him, mentioning the threat to Bella's life…asking again what it was that held him there and kept him from leaving. In a way, I enjoyed his discomfort, but not because I wished him pain.

It was only that it proved that what I had been waiting for was finally happening. Singer or not, Edward was falling in love with Bella Swan – a conclusion that was only confirmed when Edward frantically burst into my office the next morning.

For a moment, I feared the worst.

_Edward – you didn't—_

"No, it's not that," he assured me.

He'd explained about the incident with the van in the school parking lot…his panic over exposing us…and his fear that Bella had been seriously hurt. I saw the concern in his eyes and knew that he was struggling with his new feelings over this girl. He'd stayed in my office as I made my way to the ER, but I didn't show myself just yet. Instead, I watched Bella from a distance, allowing my PA to perform the necessary examinations.

It wasn't the first time I'd watched Bella. She'd once called me a stalker, but softened it with a teasing smile. Perhaps I was, but I couldn't resist keeping tabs on her. I'd seen her shortly after she was born…visited her several times while she lived in Forks, and after she'd moved to Phoenix. Once she got old enough to notice my strange appearance, I kept the shadows, watching her grow up. And when she returned to Forks, I watched from the edge of the forest as she arrived at her new home, smiling as she thanked her father for the gift of that rundown red truck.

But I hadn't seen her up close in years. Not since she was a small child and mistook me for an angel.

I braced myself for not only hiding my response from her – but my thoughts from Edward. Once I'd assured him she was fine, he muttered something about checking on her and smoothing things over. I told him to go ahead, feigning interest in the X-ray. I truly needed a moment to collect my thoughts without Edward listening.

I followed behind him a few minutes later, pausing outside the room as I heard him joking with Bella about springing her from her inadvertent prison. I took a deep breath and walked in.

I wasn't prepared. Seeing her at that moment…the Bella I'd known nearly a century earlier…it jarred me like I hadn't anticipated, and at the rush of emotion that flooded me, I feared all was lost. My eyes darted to Edward's quickly, but he was entirely focused on her.

I smiled slightly and regrouped, once again putting up a camouflage wall in my mind. Turning back to Bella, I noticed her staring at me, her mouth dropped slightly open in shock. Her eyes, though, registered only surprise at my appearance, not recognition. I realized quickly that this was not he Bella that I knew. She was, in effect, a stranger - a stranger who was at that moment eyeing me rather suspiciously. I ignored it, trying to soothe her with my voice.

"So, Miss Swan, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she responded quietly.

I walked over to the light board, flipping it on and clipping on her X-ray to examine it needlessly. "Your X-rays look good. Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard."

She sighed in frustration, and I fought a smile. She never did like being the center of attention.

"I'm fine," she repeated.

I examined her injury briefly, running my fingers over the swelling and trying not to inhale her familiar scent. I didn't know if I could hide my reaction from Edward if I were to do so.

She winced.

"Tender?" I asked.

"Not really."

Edward chuckled and Bella glared at him. I really hoped he couldn't pick up the jolt of smug approval in my thoughts. They were well matched – even more now than they were back then. They just needed time to discover it.

I told her that her father was waiting for her, and she asked if she could return to school. When I suggested she take it easy, she stubbornly asked if Edward would be allowed to go back to school.

It was all I could do not to laugh.

When she finally got up from the gurney, she stumbled slightly. I caught her easily, but left myself unprepared for the rush of her scent that filled my nostrils.

 _Ah…Bella…_ an ache of reminiscence filled me for a brief moment before I could quash it. I glanced up at Edward and was shocked at the emotion that flitted across his face.

I'd seen it before. Many years ago. That day I'd first met him outside the hospital with Bella.

Jealousy.

But just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. I released Bella gently, telling her to take Tylenol for the pain, and turned to my other patient as Edward tried to deal with her suspicions.

All in all, he did a fairly good job, considering the circumstances.

Of course, the incident in the parking lot took its toll on my family. We were split as to how to deal with the threat of Bella Swan. Rosalie and Jasper were both convinced that she not be allowed to share her suspicions about us. I did what I could to diffuse the situation without giving away my knowledge of future events. Interestingly enough, it was Alice who finally convinced Jasper to give up his vendetta – claiming he would hurt her irrevocably if he were to kill someone who was destined to be her friend.

The fears were unfounded. Bella Swan kept her silence.

Alice saw two futures for the girl – either Edward would kill her himself, or one day she would become one of us. Edward denied that either would happen, but with every passing day, I began to believe.

Perhaps that why it had all happened in the first place – so Bella could one day complete our family.

Edward would hear none of it, however. He was determined not to harm Bella, but equally determined that she not be deprived of heaven by sacrificing her soul. It was an issue where he and I disagreed – and our arguments over the decades always ended in an impasse. Edward was convinced that we were damned. I, however, had a more hopeful outlook and believed God had a place for even our kind.

Edward tried to keep his distance from Bella, but he couldn't. He was drawn to her – and not just by her blood. He didn't think I knew that he went to her every night. Not that I suspected he'd do something untoward. Although I'd had my doubts about Edward's gentlemanly conduct when he was human, I'd since learned that he was a pillar of virtue.

No, Edward would not compromise her. But he couldn't stay away, either.

Alice told me when they started walking the halls at school together…sitting at their own table at lunch. I smiled inwardly, knowing that fate was weaving its web around them, but worried about the imminent time when Bella would have to make her choice to go back in time.

What would be the trigger? How would it happen?

The first time Edward brought Bella to our home, we greeted her with warmth – well, except for Rosalie, of course. Edward had brought Bella to my office, showing her the paintings on my wall and asking me to tell her my history. Due at the hospital, I left the telling to Edward, smiling as I heard his quiet voice trail behind me as I left the house. It was getting easier to hide my thoughts from Edward. So many of his thoughts were centered around the girl and she'd become such a part of our lives, that it wasn't unusual for any of us to be thinking about her.

It was freeing, I had to admit.

She came along one day as a storm rolled in and we took the opportunity for a baseball game. She stayed with Esme, instead of playing, chatting with my wife as she umped the game. I watched Bella with a smile, remembering when she'd predicted this moment.

_"Someday, you'll play baseball. You'll go out to this big field by your house… but only on stormy days, so the thunder hides the sound of the bat. Esme doesn't play, though. She prefers to umpire."_

" _Really? Why is that?"_

" _She told me she has to keep the children honest. That's what you're waiting for, Carlisle. Don't forget it."_

For years I held tight to that promise, and as I took my position at bat I felt a contentment that all I'd hoped for was coming to fruition.

Then, in an instant, Edward was at Bella's side protectively as Alice's frightened voice whispered through the clearing.

"I didn't see – I couldn't tell."

We gathered around her, and I asked her what she saw.

It was the visitors…the nomadic vampires she'd seen heading our way. Something had changed and they were mere minutes away. My family looked to me for guidance, but I had no idea what to do.

"Can you make it?" I asked Edward.

"No, not carrying—" His eyes cut to Bella briefly. "Besides, the last thing we need is for them to catch the scent and start hunting."

Emmett was, as always, raring for the fight, but I decided we should continue the game and wait to see what happened. There didn't seem to be an alternative anyway. We waited anxiously, and Edward's guilt and fear at putting Bella in danger was a palpable thing, even for those of us without Jasper's gift.

Then, the nomads walked into the clearing, and a familiar scent slammed into me. We approached each other carefully, and I examined the little group, matching the scent to the faces.

No. Not the one in front. The male in back…and the woman.

 _James and Victoria._ That was what Bella had called them. The man who had assaulted her outside the charity ball, and the woman who had sired him. The vampires I had tracked to prove Edward innocent of murder.

It made some kind of twisted sense, once I had the opportunity to think about it - that a man who Bella and Alice had emasculated would become a vampire determined to hunt them down. Even if he wasn't consciously aware of it, I could see where that instinct would cross over from one life into the next. For James, of course, that instinct eventually led to his destruction.

I thought for a while that the incident with James might be the catalyst for Edward leaving, but I was wrong. Sadly, it was someone much closer to him that finally forced him to take action.

A slice of paper…a drop of blood…and all Jasper's hard fought control had slipped. It was only for a moment, but it was enough to send Edward into a frenzy of panic, and Jasper into an abyss of morbid guilt.

Emmett had rushed him from the room, followed slowly by the rest of my family – none of them able to resist the scent of fresh blood as well as I could.

"Well, that's everyone," Bella sighed. "I can clean a room, at least."

I tended to her injuries and tried to ease her guilt. "It's not your fault. It could happen to anyone."

" _Could._ But it usually just happens to me." I tried unsuccessfully to hold back my laugh at her dramatic sigh. Now that I'd gotten to know this Bella, the differences between her and the Bella I'd known in the past became more obvious. Where had she gained the sarcastic confidence I'd seen? What had happened to the sweet innocence? The harder edges of the Bella I'd known in Chicago were gone – or I should say, not yet formed. I wondered what had led to the transformation.

Certainly, she was the same in many ways – her kind heart…her quick wit…her unerring loyalty. Yet, there was a difference, and I had a feeling that it was a change that could only come from pain.

"How can you do this?" she asked, pulling me from my thoughts. "Even Alice and Esme…" Her words trailed off as she wondered at my restraint.

"Years and years of practice. I hardly notice the scent anymore."

She questioned me about my ability to withstand the temptation…about my choices to not take human life…to undertake a vocation to save them whenever I could. She was persistent – a familiar trait that had me smiling once again. Eventually, I told her about my father as I wiped the table with alcohol – removing any remnants of blood – and lit the gauze on fire, making her jump.

"Sorry."

She shrugged, so I continued speaking, finding it was – as always – easy to talk to her. I told her about my faith – my belief in God, and my hope that he would be merciful on us if we tried to live good lives. I also explained to her Edward's differing opinion.

"He doesn't believe there is an afterlife for our kind," I said softly. "You see, he thinks we've lost our souls."

She argued the point, of course, and I smiled inwardly, thinking about how she faced the same ethical dilemma when it came to changing Edward…and how, in the end, she'd made the choice for him. Now, though, she stubbornly insisted that it was her decision whether to become one of us, and she pointed out that Edward wasn't the only option, eyeing me carefully.

"Oh no," I laughed. "You're going to have to work this out with him!" I realized suddenly, that I'd reached a pivotal moment. I couldn't explain how I knew, but I knew. It was time for me to tell Bella about Edward's change. I sighed, trying to calm the turmoil in my mind. I knew I couldn't tell her the whole truth – but I also knew that the words I gave her would one day convince me to do what needed to be done.

"That's the one part I can never be sure of," I began hesitantly, watching her reaction. "I _think_ , in most other ways, that I've done the best I could with what I had to work with. But was it right to doom others to this life? I can't decide."

Bella said nothing, and I wondered what she was thinking. She shuddered slightly, and I hoped I wasn't making a grave mistake.

"It was Edward's…mother…who made up my mind," I said quietly, turning to look out the windows.

"His mother?"

"Yes. Her name was Elizabeth. Elizabeth Masen…" I went on to tell her Edward's story – an edited version, of course – and Bella listened with wide eyes. I told her of his father's death, how his mother took a turn for the worse, and how – on the verge of death herself – she'd demanded that I save him.

"'I'll do everything in my power,' I promised her, taking her hand. The fever was so high, she probably couldn't even tell how unnaturally cold mine felt. Everything was cold to her skin." I looked at Bella then, hoping I wasn't overdoing my embellishments. She was listening carefully, though, so I continued.

"'You must,' she insisted, clutching at my hand with enough strength that I wondered if she wouldn't pull through the crisis after all. Her eyes were hard, like stones, like emeralds." I watched Bella, hoping my words – her words - would stick in her memory so when the time came, she could use them herself. "'You must do everything in _your_ power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward.'"

I shared a bit of myself then. Telling her how I'd thought about creating a companion for myself, but could never justify it – and how the words Edward's mother spoke finally pushed me over that edge. I told her about stealing Edward from the hospital – my uncertainty about how to go about the transformation – and the pain I'd inadvertently caused him.

"I wasn't sorry, though," I said quietly, noting a light sheen of tears in her eyes. "I've never been sorry that I saved Edward."

Edward walked in then, offering to take her home. I watched them leave and hoped I'd done enough.

When Edward returned, he wore a mask of grim determination, and I knew it was time. Alice tried to argue with him. Esme begged him to reconsider. Even Jasper suggested he not act in haste.

I, however, was silent. I knew it was to no avail.

It was time. We would leave Forks. Bella would be left to her pain, her loneliness. I wasn't sure how it would happen, but she'd find her way back through time – and find her way back to love.

It was the way it had to be.

Edward stayed behind to say goodbye to her. He didn't know that I returned shortly after he left.

I watched over her as she trudged through the damp forest. I winced when she tripped on a branch and didn't get up.

I agonized as she lay there, weeping…lost and alone. My presence kept the wild animals away, and although she didn't know it, I held a leafy branch above her in the darkness to protect her from the worst of the rain.

Countless times I considered sweeping her up in my arms and carrying her home.

But just as I was about to give in to my instincts…to ignore fate's mandate and make myself known…I heard the soft footfalls and loud voices of a search party, calling into the forest.

Eventually, one of the wolves from the reservation found her. He picked her up gently, and carried her home to her father.

And I turned and ran the other way – toward my family and away from Bella – knowing it was the only way.

~0~

I stayed away from her. It went against everything in my nature not to run back to Forks on occasion to check up on Bella, but I didn't. I just knew I could do more harm than good if I did. So I waited. Like I had for so many years, I waited.

Eventually, Alice's visions confirmed that Bella's journey had begun…and when Edward returned, I knew events had finally come full circle.

My eyes were drawn once again to my son. Edward's smile shone brightly, even in the shadows of the wedding tent.

"You never answered my question," Bella reminded me quietly. I turned to see her watching me closely, a soft smile on her face.

Unable to resist, I reached out to touch her cheek. "Did I doubt?" I repeated. "Honestly? There were days I feared for your safety…or for Edward's sanity. I worried if I was doing enough – or too much. I hoped. I prayed. I wished. I obsessed."

Bella smirked slightly at that, and I grinned back at her.

"But, Bella. I saw you on your first wedding day…both of you. I knew, deep down, that a love like that could overcome all obstacles. I had…faith…in both of you.

"So…the answer is no," I said firmly. "No, I never doubted. I always knew, in spite of everything, you would find your way back to each other."

Her smile grew and suddenly, she threw her arms around my neck. "Thank you," she whispered.

I hugged her back tightly, my eyes fluttering closed as I inhaled her scent one last time. "You're welcome," I replied. We held each other for a moment, as if we both knew it marked a change in our relationship.

For a moment, I mourned the girl who came in to my ER a hundred years ago, passed out from a corset tied too tight. I mourned a friendship wrought over late nights and patient files and inside jokes and shared secrets.

I mourned a love lost…a love that was truly never meant to be.

Then I opened my eyes, and over her shoulder I spotted Esme and Edward standing together under the shade of a large tree. And I let the mourning go…and embraced the joy of the moment.

"I should go," I said finally, just as a knock sounded at the door. At Bella's quiet call, Charlie and Renee entered and I left with a quiet smile, to let them say their own goodbyes.

~0~

For more than two centuries I'd walked the world, alone and lonely. I thought myself damned…destined to a life of solitude and shadows.

But then, one by one, they'd come to me, and I'd selfishly claimed them as my family. I knew many would condemn me for it – for playing God instead of letting nature take its course.

I'd condemned myself more times than I could count, torn apart by guilt and uncertainty.

_Had I done the right thing?_

The question had haunted me since the day I took Edward from the hospital.

I had to admit, however, that if given the opportunity, I would make the same choices. I could not imagine a world where I let them die…their lives snuffed out before they'd really had a chance to live at all.

Whether that made me a monster or a hero, I couldn't say.

Perhaps I was a little of both.

But as I stood next to my wife, watching Edward and Bella cut a cake they wouldn't eat…share a toast they wouldn't drink…smiling and laughing, their eyes glowing with love and happiness…I felt…content.

In that moment, all regrets drifted away like the orange blossoms fluttering on the breeze.

In that moment, I took in the joyous faces of my family and knew that I'd never again be alone…and that they, too, had found peace and love, even in the midst of this strange and mystical life.

"Are you all right?" Esme asked, looking up at me, her eyes soft and her lips curved in a slight smile.

I smiled back. "Fine. Better than fine."

"It's time for your toast," she prodded. I groaned slightly, but took my place next to Edward, holding my glass aloft.

"When I first met Bella, it was in the hospital emergency room," I began. A tittering laughter broke out and Bella scowled at me playfully. "But even then, I knew that she was special, and it wasn't long until I knew – without a doubt – that she and Edward were meant for each other.

"They've been through a lot to get to this moment," I continued. "But I have faith that from this day forward, they will face every challenge together – side by side."

I turned to face them, moved by the joyful light mirrored in their eyes. "I am so honored to have you both in my family, and I wish you both a future filled with joy and happiness…and love, of course. Always love." I lifted my glass, turning back to the crowd. "To the bride and groom!"

The sentiment was echoed as glasses clinked and well-wishes filled the air. The sun slid below the horizon, finally allowing us to move freely around the yard. Emmett and Jasper pulled on a set of cords at the edge of the tent and the silk parted above us, revealing twinkling stars and sparkling lights entwined in the trees.

I swear, Alice amazed me sometimes.

Romantic music filled the air and, in pairs, we took to a makeshift dance floor. I took my wife into my arms, smiling down at her beaming face as we danced to the strains of Nat King Cole.

"It's perfect, isn't it?" she murmured dreamily, twisting her fingers into the hair at the back of my neck.

I had to agree. As I spun her around the floor, I caught sight of Edward and Bella, wrapped in each other's arms…lost in each other's eyes.

"Perfect," I agreed.

After more than three hundred years, my family…my _life_ was…complete.

And as I held Esme in my arms, surrounded by friends and family, I was filled with a sense of peace.

At long last, all was as it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI - There is an alternate ending to this story posted on my profile if you're interested. Thanks for reading! :-)


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